Want to ? We examine five types of swingers in this episode: vanilla swinger, hobby swinger, celestial swinger, friends-only swinger, and DTFer (Down to F*ck swinger). We define each type and discuss their motivations and expectations in the lifestyle. We emphasize the importance of definitions in the lifestyle and how they can help avoid frustration and misunderstandings. We also provide tips on how to navigate the swinging community and find like-minded individuals who share your interests and boundaries. Join us in this episode as we explore the different types of swingers and the categories of swinging. Whether you re a seasoned swinger or just curious about the lifestyle, this episode has something for everyone.SHOW NOTES: Two Categories of Swinging: RandomSwingerVanilla SwingerHobby SwingerCelestial SwingerFriends Only SwingerLifestylerDTFerDefinitions MatterHow to Avoid Frustration Want More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: swingeruniversity@gmail.comCALL: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation.
It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world. And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention.
When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits. Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare.
I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. The heck was that? Why did we even bother?
We could have gone on a carnival or a disney cruise and and had random random connections yes which our swinger friends did they went on a vanilla cruise and found other swingers and they ended up hooking up with them yeah it's awesome Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program group projects were never this much fun here are your hosts ed and phoebe hi this is ed and this is phoebe today we're talking about the different types of swingers that we've encountered while swinging.
Which one are you? The DTF swinger? The hobby swinger? The vanilla swinger? A celestial swinger? Friends only swinger? Or a lifestyler? Some people identify as being in the lifestyle. Some consider themselves as hardcore DTF swingers. Others view swinging as a hobby. Some are social swingers. Sometimes it's vanilla swinging, and some swingers are celestial. you all? Before we get started, I did want to throw out a couple things.
If you're in the Sacramento area, or you're at least attending parties in the Sacramento area, we're going to be at the Allure's Halloween event. We'll be both nights. And if you see us... Come say hi. Come say hi. I'm pretty sure we're going to have our Swinger University t-shirts on. We will definitely be wearing those unless we totally change up our outfits for that night. Right. And what else? Yeah. And I also want to mention two things. We are on social media.
And if you do listen to us, we would really appreciate if you also followed us on our social media. So on Instagram and on only fans, but more specifically tell a friend. So pass on our podcast to other people, let them know that you really like our show and you know, we can always use more listeners. Exactly. We have some good, good stuff coming up a lot on sexual health and women's hormones coming up. Yeah. So watch or listen for that.
And because we're coming out, like our faces will be visible. You're going to be able to see us soon. We're going to start producing more YouTube content, stuff that will work better on YouTube. YouTube's kind of short attention span theater, not for like the dedicated podcast listeners where you kind of take it in digestive bouts. Right. YouTube is, you know, 15 minutes is a pretty good YouTube video. Maybe even shorter. And sometimes even shorter, especially if it's like lolcats or something.
So yeah, some YouTube stuff coming out, lots of great content. So, and hopefully the content that we're at least talking about pushing out for YouTube will actually expand out past swingers too. So, I mean, a lot of swingers, what are we? We're dating. So, we have good dating advice for even vanilla people. So, we're going to try and get the word out. All right.
So, whatinger three times a year once a year an accidental dick slip in the pool with vanilla friends or only socializing with your swinger familiars right yes this is the struggle right because it's so fluid and so many ways of defining it you it could be all of that right i mean going beyond just the whole soft versus full swap versus hot wifing and all of that right right there's there's tons of variety just in terms of how you carry out the act, but we're talking about the frequency and kind of approach to swinging, less about the sex act.
Exactly. So, we're going to break this down into two categories, so to speak.
One is random swinger and one is the intentional swinger right and so the random swinger is more of a social engagement not necessarily sex focused and you know very flirty and more focused on the party you know drinking drugging musicking all the other fun stuff what comes with partying yeah yeah you know it's social time social time and you get to hang out with adults doing adult things yes and and getting without kids right yes exactly without kids that's super exciting for most people they're like oh my god'm free.
And then the intentional swinger is, you know, you've got a date set. There's a little socialization, but not a lot. And it can be quickly focused on that act of sexual pleasure. Right. So, you're kind of swinging with intent or, or kind of goal oriented, right? Which is really kind of the point I think. Yeah. I was just going to say like cats out of the bag, we're kind of intentional swingers because we love socializing with people, but a lot of times we were there to swing.
Like we can hang out with our friends anytime, but it's like, especially if we're at an event. Yeah. Yeah. So what are the types of swingers that fall into this kind of random swinger definition?
Well, you have the vanilla swinger, which I, you know, it happens accidentally in the hot tub after a party with your friends you were drinking you're imbibing on some you know who knows molly whatever is your vice and you you do it once and it checks a box and you're like oh my god that was so fun that was crazy i can't believe what we just did right or those folks that truly are vanilla, but they like to hang out with the sexy swinger folks because we're just open-minded and fun. Right.
So we've met a number of couples who kind of got started in swinging as the vanilla swingers, right? The accidental, oops, she slipped and fell on my dick kind of swinger and we've also like on the cruise in particular yeah there are a bunch of people who are like hardcore swinger cruise folks yeah but they're not swingers no they're swinger groupies Maybe that's a better word for it. Yeah, swinger groupies. And it's that whole nonjudgmental, sexy environment.
You know, the ladies are like, I get to walk around with my tits hanging out. Exactly. And nobody cares. I know. It's awesome. It's so awesome.
The couple that we met in Costa Rica, they were 100% vanilla 100 vanilla no swapping at all but they just she got to wear the sexy outfits and she was rocking the sexy outfit she was very sexy a little disappointed that they weren't swingers i know but so nice i would i would go visit them any day of the week just to hang out with them just because they're just such nice, genuine people. And we'd probably get to be naked and hang out with them, which is also fun. Exactly. There you go. Okay.
Can we talk about October for a second? Oh my God. Yeah.
I've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm really nervous yeah it's kind of a version of like a swinger ted talk that we're gonna have to do oh my god i know and more importantly if you know the brand it's llv luxury lifestyle vacations you may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with They're red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional sensual playrooms like everything theme nights and international dj so it's luxury and nudity.
Oh man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples and like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us. and in order to find it, all you have to do is go to ourswingerlinks.com and look for the LLV Sensual Voyage. We hope you'll join us. Then you have the hobby swinger, which happens when you have time. Definitely not the focus of your life. You're kind of dipping in.
It's fun. It's flirty. And those thoughts of swinging don't dominate your world or consume a lot of your time. You pick it up when you have time, you put it down, just like any hobby, right? You do it for a little while, you put it away. You bring it back out, put it away. Yeah. And, you know, like hobbies, you invest money into it. You invest time into it. Yes. So, you know, you, you may go out, some people may go out and just buy a boat because there's a boat group that does it.
And we have heard about people who like bought all the swinger accessories, bought the motorcycle, bought the rv bought the boat so they could go do the swinger vacations yeah that's awesome which is hilarious but it is true it is true this is the group that we run into a fair amount of time and they probably are the most frustrating for us and i and i i feel like it makes up seven six fifty fifty to eighty percent i don't know my eighty percent might be a little high but i would are highly scientific by the way yeah estimate in terms of statistics least half at least half seems, right?
Like it feels that way, whether that's accurate or not. Right. And this is the celestial swinger. These are the people who, they don't make any kind of moves. They're not forward. They're not, they might be flirty, but it's- They're usually pretty flirty, I think. Yeah, but it's always about the if it feels right thing, like right place, right time, then we'll play. But, you know, it's got to feel right.
But even then, it might not be penetrative sex because something else might feel good instead. Right. So there's just, there's no guarantee. It's so fluid, it's frustrating. It's very frustrating for us because we flirt with intent. Yeah.
You know, just because we're flirting with you doesn't mean we absolutely want to sleep with you but probably so let's get into that because this is this is our group this is our category where we kind of fall more into the intentional swingers right so let's kind of let's break intentional swinging down there's a friends only swinger which we've tried to break into it's usually a tight-knit group that plays only inside its own circle of friends it's commonly fluid bonded and will occasionally play outside the circle but always they typically always come back to that original tribe and they're comfortable with a group of about six to eight people.
Yeah.
And you can be pulled into that group for a play session, but don't expect to be, you know, added to the group, you know, for all their swinger vacations and and such right so we've run across a couple groups like this where we'll you know that we see them at the parties all the time we've played with them um occasionally but you can definitely tell that the way that they interact it's almost like and they've even referred to some of the couples that we've met, referred to them as, that's our boyfriend and that's our girlfriend kind of thing.
And so they're really almost poly. Right. Almost. Not quite. I think Life on the Swing Set called them kind of progressive swingers so that they kind of progressed into Polly a little bit. Right. And I may be off on that definition. So don't quote me on that. But, um, what was it? Um, two hot wives, they have a, have a group that is that sweet spot where it's the, it is a very, what I understood to be a very tight-knit group, about 10 to 12 people.
They don't always play with one another, but they always come together and socialize for parties. And that's the group. They all trust one another. I don't, they don't, I'm pretty sure they don't do the fluid bonding thing. Right.
But they are a tight-knitit group and and you probably can't bust into that group because they have that sweet spot number they already have it set right right and i guess if you you know if you established a really good relationship with them it's possible that the group dynamics change that's true there was a group up in santa rosa that was kind of like that and a couple of the couples kind of fell out, and so the group kind of changes.
The group dynamic changed, yeah, and then the group got smaller because they busted up into two separate groups. Yeah. Right. And we have groups of groups. So, like, we have a cluster of friends in kind of different social groups, and every once in a while, those groups kind of- Ble kind of bleed over. Yeah. They kind of touch or kind of intersect every once in a while, but it's not, it's not like a dedicated group.
It's kind of more of, we've got groups of friends that, that are kind of in different social circles and they all kind of intermix. Exactly.
Exactly have the lifestyler which is swinging is their main piece of pie in in life all their travel and social activities revolve around swinger friends very little vanilla friends outside of their own family and it often involves deep emotional work and is the top focus of your life which spurs on big ongoing growth experience right they they go on vacations together they're you know that's it kids soccer games like they really barbecues yeah yeah backyard everything what's interesting is i think over the years we've had less and less kind of vanilla friends so we kind of touch on this category a little bit too we kind of fit in that a little bit yeah and i and i don't think that the these categories as i'm thinking through this they're not exclusive like you're not necessarily in only one of these categories right like you might fit in a couple different ones and you might be a hybrid of several of them right and where i say you know we kind of bleed into this lifestyler group too, because, because we do the podcast, a lot of our life is focused on that because we primarily hang out with swinger friends and we work from home now.
So I have way less kind of like work friends. I mean, I have virtual work friends, but they're scattered all over the country because I work remotely. Right. So it, you know, we kind of, we kind of fall into this more now, especially after COVID than we did before. Exactly. I used to go into the office. So it's interesting. And then the last one in the intentional swinger category is the DTF or hunter swinger. Yeah.
Someone had coined this term hunter and we've heard a couple of people who said, I really like that term because it's, it's definitely, you are targeted. It's sometimes it's all about the hunt, right? Like getting the next couple or, or making the flirt work kind of thing. But, you know, a lot of this makes sense from the aspect that you got limited time. Let's say you're at an event or you're at a resort I'm going to go got to maximize your time.
So you don't want to spend too much time partying or just socializing because then you're going to miss out potentially on this opportunity to play. Right. If you're an intentional swinger, that's important to you. Right. Less party, more play. Because we're paying the swinger tax and we want to get to the swinging part. Or at least we don't want to miss out on the swinging part. Right, right. Like if we played every night on the cruise, that would be an amazing cruise for us. Yes.
If we played every other night, it that would be an amazing cruise for us yes if we played every other night it would be a good cruise yes but if we only played once during a whole week oh that'd be terrible like we'd both come home completely disappointed like what the heck was that why did we why did we even bother we could have gone on a carnival or a disney cruise and and had random random connections yes which our swinger friends did they went on a vanilla cruise and found other swingers and they ended up hooking up with them yeah it's awesome so why you know why do these definitions matter well definitions help us identify items concepts places things and navigate them in the world They also help us identify items, concepts, places, things, and navigate them in the world.
They also help us identify our own play style. Can they be labels? Sometimes, until they don't serve you anymore. It's up to you. Most swingers do identify by these definitions, though. Yeah, capacity or or other right and i think the the dtf one is one that that really does kind of stick with some common one yeah um because they're kind of like don't waste our time we're down let's just right let's do it like let's skip the chit chat you having fun.
And then, you know, it's like a marathon play session, which is super awesome. Exactly. So how, how can these definitions really help you? They say you're, let's say, here's an example. You're a DTF swinger and you meet a celestial swinger.
They can appear undecided kind of wiggly or random and or they might actually straight up tell you i prefer to let things happen organically i can't tell you how many times people have told me that right that is a big sign i thank them for their company and their time and and I quickly move on. I'm not rude. I just know, holy crap, this isn't going to go anywhere. I cry a little tear because they're probably super hot. And I was like, oh, man, that's never going to happen. Right.
Limited time, limited people got to go. We haven't figured out the trick of how to tip the celestial scales in our favor. It's not worth it. Yeah. It's just not worth it. I'll see the same time. On the right day, at the right moment, when you're not hungry, sunburned, too tired, have a hangover or too dehydrated. I mean, there's just so many factors there or your feet are hurting, whatever. It could be 10 more factors.
So all this information is really key, even though, you know, these celestial swingers aren't going to tell you verbally you know maybe they won't give you that they may not know that they are right but the fact is they still told you what they told you and what they did not say yeah and so you need to keep cue into that and this is this is helpful because then you can just move on like i said to that next person the next couple that you want to focus time with and um knowing that you have chances you know getting another sexual interaction with someone else will be more likely than with the sexual or the sexual swinger oh which one is that hopefully all of them but's a new definition.
The celestial swinger. So don't bother chasing them down. If you're a, you know, an intentional swinger, um, because the stars are never going to align and, uh, most likely it's just, it's not going to be a good match. Yeah. And, and this isn't, this isn't advice to just ignore them or to, to avoid them.
It's that, you know, if it's getting towards the later part of the evening and you're looking for that, that hookup because you're dancing, you're sexy, you're horny, you want to have a good time. I wouldn't, you wouldn't focus your, your closing skills on those particular people. Right. You might randomly ask them because who knows, maybe they're in the mood. Right. But don't hang out waiting for that to happen because it's not going to happen. Right.
This is where your inner salesman comes out. Right. You're trying to close the deal. Exactly. So if you are an intentional swinger, swinging can be frustrating and confusing. Many things occur randomly and placing yourself strategically in the right places and not chasing down the celestial swingers when they told you how they like to play will reduce your frustration. Exactly. The same goes if you want to bust into the friends only group. Good luck. Like I said earlier, I mean, it does happen.
You can get in the group randomly, but to typically be in that group full time, it's probably not going to happen. And once again, your time is limited. Chase down another couple. That's a better match for you. We have labeled ourselves hobby swingers lifestylers and dtfers all throughout our journey we are definitely intentional swingers but have learned to relax with with random yeah and we learned the biggest strategy from some of our very good friends and that is don't't chase.
Sometimes chasing pays off, but depending on the event or vacation, you may not choose to chase a lead that won't pan out based on their random play style. As you can hear, there's definitely a spectrum within swinging.
oh one last thing before you go if this episode helped you in any way the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review it takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education and we've made it easy visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review Thank you. for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there.
Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
