Want to send us a message? Premature ejaculation gets the commercials and the jokes. Delayed ejaculation? Crickets. Yet this condition affects millions of men and their partners—and it matters more than you think. In this episode, we re breaking the stigma around delayed ejaculation. We explore the medical causes (medications, injuries, conditions), the psychological factors (anxiety, performance pressure, relationship dynamics), the real impact on partnerships, and most importantly, what actually helps. If you re experiencing this yourself, supporting a partner through it, or just believe sexual health deserves honest conversation—this one s for you. Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. When was the last time you heard someone openly talk about lasting too long during sex? Probably never, right? We live in a culture that celebrates sexual stamina where men are told that going longer is always better. But what happens when longer becomes a problem?
When what should be pleasurable becomes frustrating, exhausting, or even impossible. Today, we're diving into a topic that affects millions of men, but rarely gets discussed. Delayed ejaculation. And if you've never heard of it, you're not alone. But trust me, by the end of this episode, you'll understand why this conversation matters. Whether you're experiencing it yourself, you're a partner trying to understand, or you're simply curious about sexual health. Now, when most people think about ejaculation problems, they immediately think of premature ejaculation, finishing too quickly.
That gets talked about everywhere. In movies, in comedy routines, in those awkward late night pharmaceutical commercials. But what about the opposite problem? The one where a man takes an extremely long time to ejaculate or can't ejaculate at all. That barely gets a mention. Men dealing with delayed ejaculation often feel isolated, confused, and embarrassed. Their partners might feel inadequate, wondering if they're not attractive enough or skilled enough.
Whether you're experiencing delayed ejaculation yourself, you're in a relationship with someone who is, or you're just someone who believes that sexual health deserves honest, stigma-free conversation, this episode is for you. Because here's the truth, sexual health is health, period. And just like you wouldn't hesitate to see a doctor about chest pain or a persistent cough, sexual function issues deserve the same level of attention and care. So let's break the silence, let's get educated, and let's talk about delayed ejaculation.
But first, let's define exactly what delayed ejaculation is, because it's more nuanced than you might think. Then we'll explore the causes, the impact on relationships, and what can be done about it. I think we broke a record for saying ejaculation on YouTube, but I'm pretty sure. I sure i think so too so let's keep going all right let's define what the medical definition of delayed ejaculation is it's also called impaired ejaculation and it's when it takes an extended period of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm and ejaculate, or when ejaculation can't occur at all.
There's no specific time frame that defines too long, and the medical concern is that it causes distress for the man or their partner. And the condition is just defined by the distress it causes, not by measuring time. So the different types of delayed ejaculation are lifelong, present since sexual maturity began, acquired develops after a period of normal sexual function, and generalized, happens in all situations with all partners. And then we get to situational, which is where I'm going to kind of hand this over to Ed because his situation is similar but different.
And situational occurs only with certain partners or during specific types of sexual activity. Right. So let's dive into that. Yeah, I have what would be defined as something called intentional postponement, a form of edging or orgasmic control. So early on when I first started having sex, which was exciting, actually not all that early.
It was I was in my mid-20s when i first started having sex and i i got in the habit of holding out until my partner achieved their orgasm before i had mine which was which was good at the time but it's kind of created this really weird situation for me such a giver i know i try to i try to be a generous lover and what's kind of evolved for this situation is that because i've delayed for so long and i get into like lifestyle situations a lot of times i was holding off so that i wouldn't orgasm except for with you especially early on in the lifestyle but then with the condoms and holding out and waiting for them, et cetera, I get to a point where i get basically desensitized from basically too much friction over an extended period of time and then it just it's just not going to happen i have to like give myself a break and it kind of the feeling comes back to a certain degree and it's not like i'm numb i'm definitely feeling things right it's just that it's not enough to achieve orgasm or it's not the right kind of stimulation to achieve orgasm right i looked something up too and i think this is a little i think this applies to to you.
It's called specter, spectatoring, spectatoring. It's kind of like tater tottering. And it's, it's that psychological component where your, your focus is very much on a partner's pleasure.
So that happens with me and that happens in the lifestyle the lifestyle right and it leaves you a bit of a detached observer from your own performance and you need that mental stimulation to finish with with i know for sure in the lifestyle there's like so much going on where you're just spectatoring like how could you not like there's so much going on especially in an orgy room which is what we are used to and what we started off doing and i i wanted to say one thing about when we're together i noticed early on when we started doing the lifestyle that when you get in these desensitized moments, we're back at home and we're still flying off the vibes of the event.
Right. If I started talking dirty in your ear or about what was happening in the room. Oh, yeah. Or something we saw or something somebody did. Right. You were like, bing. Right. I mean, that was the catalyst.
Yeah, that adds some weight to the whole spectatoring because while I'm in the moment, I'm not really taking it all in, but it's so overwhelming that I'm not really taking it all I'm taking it all in but it's like so overwhelming that I'm not really yeah assessing it but then afterwards yeah I'm focused on what I'm doing and you're of course and rejecting a little extra stimulus into your brain and you're like oh I remember yeah and I I do like when you a when you talk dirty i know when it's specifically about the event that just happened yeah that's that's pretty awesome it's pretty awesome okay can we talk about october for a second oh my God, yeah.
I've been waiting for this. We were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples. And it sails from Montreal to Boston during the peak foliage season. I'm super excited. And honestly, I'm really nervous. Yeah, it's kind of a version of like a swinger TED talk that we're going to have to do. Oh, my God. I know. And more importantly, if you know the brand, it's LLV, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations.
You may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats this ship the crystal symphony is classy butler service for every single room michelin rated restaurants full spa clothing optional sensual playrooms like everything theme nights and international dj so it's luxury and nudity oh man this is gonna be great the bottom line is we want you there with us it's 310 couples and like all their vacations they book up fast they really do their vacations are extremely popular so please come with us and in order to find it all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the llv sensual voyage we hope you'll join us let's talk about some of the primary symptoms for someone that has delayed ejaculation.
Primary symptoms are inability to ejaculate. I think we covered that. Taking 30 minutes or more of sexual stimulation to ejaculate and emphasizing, again, that the timeframe isn't a hard rule. It's really just that distress that somebody has that's causing that's a result of this right so the could be a multitude of medical conditions right so let's let's talk about some of those yeah and i i i think to talk about the the 30 minute one that you just talked about the primary, I think doctors like to give a symptom with time to go, it's not five minutes. Right. It's not three hours. Yes.
They're like, okay, roughly speaking, you kind of need some barometer, some metric to be able to figure things out by. That's very true. Speaking of the medical professionals, so some of these conditions that exist are things like birth defects, and they can affect the male reproductive system, probably nerve damage, things like that. Oh, and the next one is about injury to the pelvic nerves, and I really want to talk to you about that. Yeah, this is a good one. Because those can damage the way you control your orgasm. Right, right.
And you were a cyclist for all through college, cycling every day, like hundreds of miles a day. So how did this not damage you it's interesting so when you ride for a long time sometimes you do have some numbing that goes on um i don't know that i rode enough to do like permanent nerve damage but i know that there was some temporary kind of fatigue of it and and i'd had this concern, too. And I think most of my concern had been, like, is this going to affect, like, erectile function? Is this going to cause other problems? Right.
And possibly, but I don't know that it was causing actual damage. Right. And that's the best way for me to describe it. You didn't experience any adverse effects on road biking. You also did... It's like the cobblestone thing that they do in... Cyclocross. Cyclocross. Right, right. If none of you have seen that, oh my God. And then one of the events had you riding naked for a mile, two miles? It was a naked mile ride. That was one of the cyclocross races that I had done locally. Oh my God. Although I will say most of those men did stand up and cycle. Not many of them sat down. Yeah, yeah.
And I don't want to delve too far into the cycling thing, but having a good seating position and they make seats that have cutouts on the bottom of them. I don't know that there's ever been any kind of scientific studies about whether that's necessary or not necessary or what. I would say that if you're writing for an extended period of time and you're numb like the whole time, that's probably not good. Just like sleeping on your arm for like an hour. Yeah, you're cutting the blood circulation off. So you're probably doing damage to a certain degree.
yeah i mean stand move around keep the circulation going and if you're wearing underwear that's too tight that's causing circulation problems think about that too because you're wearing those for like eight plus hours a day right certain infections like an sti can also create prostate inflammation, which I didn't know, which is also damaging. Yeah, and I could see any kind of STI that damages the urethra or any of those kinds of mechanisms that are going on down there having an effect on maintaining erections and ejaculation and all that.
To finish this section up with medical conditions, you've got prostate surgery, cancer and radiation treatment, neurological diseases, and thyroid issues. All of those are contributors to some of these physical causes of delayed ejaculation and medicines are also very very common we hear this over and over again and obviously doctors should be providing this side effect uh information to you right about the medicine that're taking.
Antidepressants, especially SSRIs, which are the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, and then certain diuretics, antipsychotics, anti-seizure, and blood pressure medicine. I hear a lot of people say that about the blood pressure medicine, which is kind of a bummer. Yeah, you figure anything that affects your circulation and your blood pressure affects erection strength. And I know that when I'm distracted or I have a less firm erection, that it is harder to achieve orgasm. So Viagra has helped with stuff like that.
And so if you've got blood pressure medication, which is lowering your blood pressure, which is probably softening your penile tissue, it's going to be harder.
Not harder, know harder to achieve orgasms right and then of course you have substance use which is heavy alcohol consumption or drug use and that that's could be a bonus in the lifestyle though you're right if you're at a party if you're trying to delay your ejaculation yeah yeah right it it's definitely riding that edge where you're you you're starting to hurt your ejaculation probably because of the erection issue yeah yeah influence yeah but like one extra shot of jack and then you're in the ed category So, it's probably a sign that you're maybe consuming too much at events.
If you're having a hard time ejaculating, it could be the alcohol. I actually wonder how many guys do ejaculate with a partner in a play environment. Right. I honestly have not seen it very often. Thank you. at with a partner in a play environment right i honestly have not seen it very often i'd love to know the number right i would say in our i've lost track 10 plus 12 plus years right of doing this what one out of five maybe yeah one out of two out of eight two out of ten Thank you.
what one out of five maybe yeah one out of two out of eight two out of ten that's the same thing you've had a pretty high and and still i think low in the terms of like 20 to 30 percent but you've had a pretty high ratio of men who've been able to achieve orgasm with you. Mm-hmm. I like when I'm able to do that. I like when I'm able to torture them and tease them because they're trying to hold out and they're like, oh, you know, I usually... They're like, oh, I can hold out and I'm known for holding out and then... Wham-o....do my special technique and then they're like, we're coming away.
It's my favorite honestly so much like this spectatoring that we talked about earlier which is basically a psychological case there are emotional and additional psychological causes of delayed ejaculation so these probably play an even larger role than even the physical conditions and that's that you've you've conditioned yourself to to do something over an extended period of time or not do something over an extended period of time and now it's kind of like ed where it's like i can't the one thing i'm supposed to stop thinking about i keep thinking about and you end up in this like cycle where you just can't stop thinking about it and you're like right in in your case like the spectatoring or the the situational aspect of it but if it's where you're you've conditioned yourself but if it if someone has a more physical component to it then yeah it could create some depression it could create anxiety for both generalized and in your sexual performance and you like you said you get that in stuck in that anxiety cycle yeah yeah and it's very much like the performance anxiety cycle where you're experiencing that delayed ejaculation once and then you start to worry about it the next time and then you in a sense you're kind of predicting that it's going to happen.
You're almost visualizing it happening again. Which is why a lot of guys love to use a form of Viagra in the lifestyle because it just gives you that little extra boost of confidence to break you out of that cycle. It's really nice. I love that for guys, honestly. There's a lot of pressure on men. Right. Right.
Then there's relationship causes, unresolved conflicts between partners, poor communication, relationship monotony, or lack of of novelty and there's also cultural or religious beliefs being raised to view sex as sinful or wrong and internal conflicts about sexuality and the religious aspect i would say i well we see that a lot in lifestyle yeah people coming from LDS or other backgrounds. I've never specifically asked them how that impacts them in the bedroom when they're at an event. Because these are not topics that you just bust out while you're having a good time.
But I have always wondered you know because they it's it's really different it's it's difficult to break free from all of that um background yeah that's a really good thought i i wonder if we should just start asking people so how How does breaking from the standards that the church has set down affecting this experience for you? Yeah. We've really delved into that. Now, it's a slippery slope because you're really not supposed to talk about politics, religion. I know.
There's certain things you just don't talk about in lifestyle because it's not sexy, and religion definitely not one of those sexy topics yeah sexual fantasies and expectations there's yeah there's going to be differences between the reality of sex versus sexual fantasies or expectations and then some men can't ejaculate with very specific types of stimulation or fantasies so all of these are you know some of these I think are more situational and I wonder if part of that plays into why a reason why people think about getting into the lifestyle there's so many reasons why people think about it but once it starts i will say once it starts getting into that i'm just satisfied within my relationship let's look for something else that we can do together to help repair or fix that's always a bad sign yeah and i was going to say if you're experiencing delayed ejaculation um the the Lifestyle is probably not what your doctor or your therapist would recommend as a solution to that.
We enjoy it, but it's definitely not a clinical path typically for these kinds of things. But as we've been talking about things a lot lately, novelty and that, um, that dopamine hit, uh, does help kind of break things out. Yeah. Well, let's run down quickly on the impact and complications that this does have on a relationship, sexual and relationship effects diminish sexual pleasure for both partners. Sex can start to feel like work rather than intimacy. And then you've got stress and anxiety specifically about sexual performance.
And then, like we mentioned before, you've got some of that emotional impact where it can spill over into other areas of life beyond the bedroom and that sense of inadequacy or embarrassment and men may feel like they're failing at something that's supposed to be natural and partners may internalize it wondering if they're not attractive or skilled enough and that's where it starts to be you know really hard and kind of sad you know because once you start thinking about that that's i feel really i feel sad you know yeah go to the doctor i guess i'll help yeah yeah for sure and all of these kind of emotional stresses and physical tolls that are that are taking place while you're having sex can start to have relationship effects.
So you can develop new relationship issues or worsen existing ones. You've got communication breakdowns because it's hard to admit or talk about. You've got this growing distance between you and your partner because there's something there, but you can't tell what it is and you don't want to talk about it and i think there's an important clarification here which is this is not a reflection of attractiveness or desirability much like when men have erectile dysfunction problems, in other words, can't maintain an erection, that's also not a symptom of attractiveness or desirability. All right.
Getting help and treatment options. When to see a medical doctor? Because you should. If the problem is real, it's affecting you mentally, it's creating issues between you and your partner, see your doctor. If it's persistent or reoccurring, you might need adjustments to your medicine. And if they're legitimate concerns, just don't suffer in silence. Medical professionals are there and trained to help you.
Reach to your dude friend get some support treatment approaches for psychological causes depending on the underlying cause is sex therapy specifically focuses on sexual issues and provides strategies and techniques you can get some individual therapy for depression anxiety or other mental health concerns and there's also a couple therapy which is valuable when a relationship issues are contributing factors. The main points to remember really is this isn't something that somebody can get over on their own, unless it's the situational type.
But even then, you're having a conversation with your partner and you're making adjustments right and to your personal interaction because if it starts to become something that's what's the word i'm looking for a stressor that's keeping you from connecting right then obviously switch up your play style try something new do something different um maybe maybe your husband is you know make him the first one be the first one to give him pleasure and just or just focus on him for the night right um the good news is you've got qualified of professionals out there and we know actually some enum life coaches that that can help walk you through this so if you if you are seeking that support please email us reach out to us call us however you want to do it And we'll send them, send you their information.
Final encouragement, Ed. Well, the most important thing is admitting that there is an issue that you need help with and then reaching out for help so talk to your doctor definitely talk to your partner and remember that sexual health is an important part of overall health and well-being so it's it's the whole package and it affects everything that's going on in your life including your relationship thanks for tuning in we appreciate you joining our community if you want more or simply want to listen or watch us check out out our podcast and the YouTube channel. Don't forget your homework.
Tell a friend about our show and leave a review and comment. You can also leave us a voicemail at 916-538-0482 or contact us at swingeruniversity.com. As we like to say, keep learning, keep going, and keep it sexy. Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there.
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