Want to send us a message? Ed and Phoebe reveal how they have grown in the swinging lifestyle as individuals and as a couple. Over the past 10 years, their lives have become richer, more satisfying, and deeply connected.Show NotesConfidenceComfortAdaptingBiWatching EdOne and DoneFWBSoft SwapSeparationCostumesSex StyleOld FucksKiss-n-tell Support the showWant More?👀 Watch on YouTube: YouTube ShowFull video versions and interactive live episodes!Bonus episodes, exclusive content, and 🌶️Extras: https://www.patreon.com/SwingerUniversity 🛳️🎉Looking for lifestyle events in your area? T4P is the go-to directory for clubs, parties, and resort events. Browse now at Ticket4Play.com Custom SU T-shirts and gear: Our Amazon StoreSwingerLinks.com - live schedule, special offers*, and our 🌶️links!Our Website - Leave us a message, articles, and sexy products3 Ways to get your question on our show:RECORD it on our website at: https://swingeruniversity.com/contact/EMAIL a recorded voice note to: [email protected]: (916) 538-0482 and leave a voicemail.* We get a commission if you decide to purchase through our links, at no cost to you.
Transcript
We have to talk about something we've been genuinely excited about for months, and our patrons actually got a preview of this already. Jamaica! Yes, we are going back, and actually, we have a great offer for you guys. Yeah, it's Swingcation. It's October 11th through the 18th at Hedonism 2. And if you don't know what Swingcation is, it's pretty easy. Swinger plus kink plus vacation. It's a hosted group with real structure, workshops, lectures, real conversations with experts who are passionate about bringing and bridging that gap between the swinger world and the kink world.
And we're not just going as attendees. we're going as featured presenters, which is exciting. We'll be leading sessions. So if you come, we actually get to hang out with you. Which brings up something we should mention. When you use our code, yes, we got a code, you're not just getting a discount, you're getting the signature swing experience, which means $100 off per person, up to $200 per room, but it also means that we make time for you. An exclusive breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour, or one-hour and one time with us directly, plus more surprise benefits.
Here's something that's really unique. You could actually contribute by hosting a discussion or running a Skillshare. I know it's scary, but if you have something that you want to contribute, that's a big part of why this event is so special. Everyone there has something to bring to the table. All right, details. If you book before April 25th, you save $400. Plus, they gave us that special code that gets you an additional $200, and the special code is SWINGERU-VIP. So book through TicketForPlay.com forward slash Swinkie. That's T-I-C-K-E-T, the number four, play.com forward slash S-W-I-N-K-Y.
And use our code at checkout. And you guys, if you have any questions about the event, the resort, or what to expect, just reach out. I mean, we're here for you. We're happy to help. So once again, ticketforplay.com forward slash Swinky, the code SwingerU-VIP. We really want to see you there. We'll send messages back and forth, and we'll send naked pictures, but we're not like furiously masturbating to those pictures in the background. Actually, they may be, but we're not. Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program, taking you back to those experimental years.
Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe. Hi, this is Ed. And this is Phoebe. Today we're catching you up on how we've changed in the last 10 years, 10 years, holy crap, since we started swinging. We've grown individually and together for the better with richer lives, satisfaction, and connection. But before we get into that, we have a patron to thank. Bill, thank you for your support.
We appreciate all of our patrons and uh it's it's been fun seeing people sign up and log into that account and go oh my god we've got another person we get a little email notification it's it's pretty cool it's like oh my god they love us yeah it's nice it's nice to connect with the community in that way we really like it so let's jump into it all right confidence that has changed a lot for you for sure for me for sure holy crap yeah yeah i'm dressing more sexy. I'm feeling comfortable about that. That was very awkward in the beginning.
I remember going to events and looking around the room and both of us kind of realized, wow, we were like really overdressed. Yeah. Like quantity and amount of clothing and fabric.
Sometimes the ladies are just walking around in lingerie and i was like wow that is brave i was just in in awe um so yeah so now i'm walking around naked in hotel rooms and walking around naked at the well you always walk ground naked at the nudist resort but i'm taking my clothes off immediately when i hit the nudist resort now it took me a little while to warm up before yeah it used to be i was the first one naked and then the last time we went i like came around the car and here was phoebe fully naked ready to go. I'm like, what happened? I know. Your face was hilarious.
You're like, what happened to you? I'm like, I'm naked. That's freaking awesome. Let me hurry up and catch up. Yeah. Yeah. And then, gosh, last Halloween, I did a striptease in the ballroom. That was really fun. Yeah. Stripped off part of your outfit to reveal the under outfit and did a little show for a group of like 10 people, six people, eight people, something like that. That was fun. In the ballroom. In the ballroom.
Yeah, your confidence is shot through through the roof i think you're just more comfortable with seeing what's going on and knowing it's okay and how it works and no one's gonna like attack me and part of it too is be frequenting the same events and knowing the host and the environment that you're in i mean that says a lot i i don't think i would be doing that at a at a club a lifestyle club you know like in florida because i don't know that community i i'm not i don't frequent it and and the clientele probably changes from week to week but if i was a regular i might yeah possibly you know but still adjusting to situations is easier i would say dealing with crappy kissing is easier um dealing with different i say dealing with navigating, maybe navigating or situations and people and scenarios where you're not perhaps a great match where the kissing isn't spot on or the body type is not your preferred or, you know, someone's dick isn't cooperating.
How do you navigate all that well there's techniques for navigating all those situations and i've worked out all those kinks and yeah it was it was having getting better at having no expectations and kind of making the best of a situation right yeah yeah that was really hard to to kind of not to not have expectations but to just be have realistic expectations yeah or just be okay with the ball always moving on you right that too i mean here you are you think you're playing soccer and all of a sudden now you're playing football, American style football, or now you're playing tennis or I mean, the ball keeps moving.
The game kind of changes. So I like I like that flexibility because there is a level of comfort there. And, yeah, it's it's nice, actually. Yeah. We'd heard this early on and, and we mentioned it early in our podcast. We haven't talked about it in a while, but sexuality is very fluid. You know, it changes from moment to moment and whether you're, you're feeling sexy or whether you're not, you know, in a mood or not in the mood or you're into somebody at that time, but you're not into them later. Right. So it is, it's that, that flexibility.
And I think we're, I think we're more easy going about it than we used to be. I mean, we were easy before, but now we just aren't as scared. Yeah. And I think that's it, right? Like we've gotten to a, a comfortable place where there's less of the, the fear of things going wrong or not having it all planned out or how it's going to go. Women, for me, are more comfortable exploring. Exploring that sexual experience is nice and it's really fun.
So those expectations and the labels that came with that early on that were very confusing and, you know, trying to redefine my sexuality was a bit overwhelming. But now it's like, yeah, well, you know, sometimes I play with women.
Sometimes I don't play with women yeah do i like all women no but do i like some women yes you went through all of the variations of bi i did you went through the you know situationally above the waist kissing only kissing only all that boob boob only bi yeah now i'm just like whatever it's just by yeah and it's whatever sometimes there's pussy involved and sometimes there isn't yeah one and only they're they're not as many one timers in the beginning so to clarify we had a a one and done kind of it was pattern more than a rule yes it just kind of happened that way pattern is a good word correct it just happened like that and so now and well i was also afraid of that connection right getting too close i didn't want to be friends because that seemed too intimate or weird I don't want to be friends because that seemed too intimate or weird.
But, you know, we could, you know, meet up every now and then or see each other at a party and then that was fine. Right. But I didn't want that back and forth texting or sexting or anything like that.
To me, that was like, no, yeah so yeah and i i think we're still mostly not kind of the whole sexting things correct like like we we don't get hot and bothered with the chats that we have with our friends who we're in the lifestyle with so right our virginia friends like we'll send messages back and forth and we'll send naked pictures but we're not like furiously masturbating to those pictures in the background actually they may be i don't know but we're not yeah now we just have these really nice just relationships where you you just like no they know that we're comfortable or comfortable yeah yeah and you know hey if you call them up you got a free evening this week yeah let's get together perfect boom done right i mean it's easy it's it's nice so there so there's there's some of that no the couple connection that we're going to get into yeah now what's interesting is that comfort of like some of these long-term relationships that we've established, some of our friends with benefits, if you will, um, have kind of resulted in you being much more comfortable watching me.
Oh yeah. Yeah.
And, and that's a, that was a huge shift for you so very early on I I was very comfortable with compersion like I got excited watching you have sex right never been a thing for me but for you it was a little it was a little weird yeah yeah I'm not I just wasn't it just wasn't it didn't do anything for you no it didn't but i also wasn't a big consumer of porn either so so all of that was very new to me i didn't watch a lot of porn most of the porn that i stumbled on was from the perspective of a man so it didn't really do much for me because i couldn't see the guy i could only see the woman and it seemed very one-sided and non-interesting so like yeah i just i didn't i didn't care for it but now we have better porn and I'm all over that.
But yes, maybe that helped with the whole watching thing, but I'm sure it had a lot to do with comfort. I think, I think a hundred percent of it had to do with comfort and knowing after 10 years, 10 years, I'm not going anywhere. Like we've tested that theory over and over again. Yeah. And it's like, no, no, he hasn't found some other magic pussy that's going to drive him to, you know, leave me. Right. It's not, not how it works. Yeah. Okay. Can we talk about October for a second? Oh my God. Yeah.
I've've been waiting for this we were invited to be guest speakers for two engagements on a six-star crystal cruise ship with 310 lifestyle couples and it sails from montreal to boston during the peak foliage season i'm super excited and honestly i'm. Yeah, it's kind of a version of like a swinger TED talk that we're going to have to do. Oh my God, I know. And more importantly, if you know the brand, it's LLV, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. You may have seen them and they're sexy playmakers with their fun red hats. This ship, the Crystal Symphony, is classy.
Butler service for every single room, Michelin rated restaurants, full spa, clothing optional, sensual playrooms, like everything, theme nights and international DJ. So it's luxury and nudity. Oh, man, this is going to be great. The bottom line is we want you there with us. It's 310 couples. And like all their vacations, they book up fast. They really do. Their vacations are extremely popular. So please come with us.
And in order to find it, all you have to do is go to our swingerlinks.com and look for the llv sensual voyage we hope you'll join us yeah and so part of that that watching comes with with some of these couple connections, really, some of the couples that we've met that we've, you know, grown to know a lot better and have actually stayed in the lifestyle long enough to, you know, have a connection, stay friends for longer than, you know, a year. um but you know even then you know as as we know it's no guarantee but when when we find those those treasures, we try to nurture those a lot. Yeah.
So for sure. Um, back to soft is another thing that we really, really enjoy the soft, the soft swap.
And I think it's always been a kind of a component of our play style like we never ruled soft out we were never one of those like full only couples right but we've made a a conscious effort to like connect with couples who were soft only and had a good time with that it's like you know it doesn't have to be penetrative sex i mean i'm i'm happy to just get a blow job yeah and i i think a lot of people when they get in the lifestyle they see the profiles and then they have that expectation that if you're more experienced, that you only want full swap. You just can't go backwards.
And we're happy to say, no, we're not. We're not like that. We like it all. Yeah. We got no expectations. And I would say some of the funnest experiences are the soft swap. Yeah, we've gotten pretty wild with the soft swap stuff. I mean, some pretty creative stuff going on. Not that the full swap hasn't also been crazy, too. Well, and some of the soft involves, like, strap-ons and dildos. And so, I mean, it gets fun. Right. I mean, there is some penetration. It's just not with a penis. It's a fake penis. The stunt cock. Right. Yeah. Oh, I wanted to say back to that couple connection.
We were, even though we have some great connections that we've established, um some of them are they're like two hours away so the the location of those those people that are available to you really really does matter uh it seems like because a lot of people don't want to travel and because you're too far out of that circumference. Right.
you know it well the challenge is always you know if you have to drive two hours to get there and two hours to get back i mean that's a that's a long and then you're staying the night which is more commitment and you might not always want to do that and so yeah it just creates different or you have to stay in a hotel and you didn't really spend the cost to do that, da-da. Right. Because you know you don't just have a night in the hotel because then there's dinner, and then there's breakfast, and then there's other – and then there's shopping, and then you're like, oh, I'm in the area.
Yeah, it turns into like a weekend thing. Right. So, yeah, definitely location and the couples that have been closer to us, it's been way easier to kind of keep those connections and to have more interactions with them. Although I will say the Virginia couple, we have we actually plan like airline. We buy airline tickets to go see each other. Right.
They flew out to see us, and it is our turn to go out and fly them and we're planning something in january so it's really fun and they're going to be with us in costa rica which will be fun yes so all right separation oh we talked about this a little bit we're not well not this is pretty specific yeah this one's a little more yes this is like the separation of of of at an event so like before yeah we were like velcroed to each other like holding each other's hands i mean and always within eye shot of each other oh yeah i have to see where she is not so much like keeping track of you but making sure that you were okay right right and we were just like glued to each other it was insane and we and we knew it and we tried not to be but we were just so i don't know not uncomfortable but there's just so many unknowns we didn't really know what to expect yeah yeah and i i think some I don't know not uncomfortable but there's just so many unknowns we didn't really know what to expect yeah yeah and I think some of it too with the events that we have they're so big and it's so easy to get kind of oh yeah that's right because we're at six and eight hundred sometimes a thousand people in a in a ballroom yeah so it wouldn't be hard it's true to like walk down the hall go to the bathroom and if somebody pulls me aside to have a conversation i'm in some booth you know in one of the vip booths you can't see because i'm sitting down right i know i know yeah so it'd be so we're much better at that oh costumes oh my gosh so i hated having to coordinate all this costume bullshit in the beginning i was like oh my god that's so much effort there's so much money that takes so much time to shop and try it on and coordinate.
Now I fucking love it.
I know why i love it i actually i do know why i love it because there's some fun it kind of extends the vacation so like for a cruise right you start shopping two months ahead of time yeah you have theme nights and you're like oh you start putting stuff together and you're like oh you know i'm missing a hat or i'm missing the shoes or i'm missing the tights or the thigh highs or the or the wings or the gloves and the little bow tie or something some accent that you need and so you start putting together and all of a sudden you're shopping trying to get the right thing and then you don't always want to wear the same thing yeah yeah for every you know theme night even though glow night's always glow night and but there's there could be other right or you go onto the cruise and you see somebody else's costume and you're like shit i want that next time right yeah we've seen a few of those the the one that we keep looking out for for is kind of the hoop skirt with the LEDs.
It's almost a bustier with the hoop. Yeah. They're beautiful. Super cool, but super expensive. Yes. So we just haven't committed to that. No. We're like researching, how can we make this? Soldering iron, a lot of work. But yes, it is possible. And then how do you get it in your suitcase? Blah. Yeah. All that. And speaking of cruises, we are going on the November cruise. So if you want to bump into us and have a conversation, we will be on the boat. Yeah. The 2023 November cruise. The 2023 November cruise. Bliss cruise.
And we're on the sixth floor and we're going to have a poster up on our door. So if you wander around, you might just find us. Yes. Oh, my goodness.
So the other thing about the sexy clothes was that's challenging, is finding something that's not only sexy and matches the theme, but it's you want to be too hot you want to be able to take it off right sometimes i was in costumes where it was like you had to peel me out of it just in the to get me you know down on the bed in the playroom right and then it wasn't gonna go back on so now i'm walking around with a towel on which was fun but you know yeah you almost need like the portable backup yeah costume Thank you. Oh, now I'm walking around with a towel on, which was fun, but, you know.
Yeah, you almost need, like, the portable backup costume for after the play thing. The post-wedding dress kind of thing. Yeah, kind of the... The post-fuck dress. The post-fuck dress. Ooh, that's a good... Yeah. That's a good little soundbite there.
Love making versus fucking we we talked about this in an episode before yeah it was actually a pretty popular episode too because i think a lot of people resonated with it um the the level of comfort with the couple has really resulted in well better sex right um it's it's more fun it's more engaged and it's not to the point of like poly where there's like an emotional connection but it's definitely i know their body a little bit better and i know their buttons and i kind of know what they're asking what they like yeah which means we can kind of skip the awkward fumbling yep you know high school in the back seat kind of you know not good sex and get straight to the i know how she likes it and i'm going to give it to her that way and right and then find some new stuff out so and for me it it was that lovemaking aspect was the sensuality.
Yeah. The taking the time to just explore the body and all the sensory aspects of the body, not just the one between your legs. Right. Right. So I've had actually two experiences like that with two different couples, and they were those good couple friends, the people that we have nurtured good relationships with. Or you just really click, right? Yeah. And those are fun. And I think a part of that is it's not a one-night stand. You're going to get back to those people.
And so you can kind of slow down and take your time because it's not a one night stand you're you're gonna get back to those people and so you can kind of slow down and take your time because it's not like you know we better quick get this in before the night's over kind of thing right like it's well and these scenarios were actual dates so they weren't at a party they were at specific dates yeah so i think that matters too yeah there was a little bit of build up a little bit of like four foreplay there was no time limit i mean I'll see you that i'm like it's your partner, the quickie, you know, because you got to go someplace.
Exactly. Like, I'll tell you that. I'm like, it's fun. It's a quickie because I have a meeting in five minutes. But it's not, you know, you can't slow down and take your time and really do the whole foreplay thing. It's just like, quick, put it in. Exactly. The old fucks. The old fucks.
Yeah, getting in touch with couples that you know we wrote off you know because they thought we thought oh yeah just too far away or they're probably out of the lifestyle we haven't heard from them they're we haven't seen them at any events and all of a sudden they pop up again yeah and it's like homecoming week you're like oh my god and you're fast friends you're still fast you know friends um and you have a lot to catch up on and they're just as fun to play with as they were before so the those are fun um but sometimes our preferences change right which which is interesting and kind of fun to navigate so that's i like that because now now you're like oh something new right oh you don't do that anymore okay well what do you do you know yeah so their comfort levels change their preferences change and you know maybe their their dynamic is is different between the two of them so yeah we've had some fun experiences getting in touch with some old pucks yeah and and people who we we thought we had lost completely lost the connection with just out of the blue um new partners even like that's happened a couple times recently yeah and one of them now is we're like becoming really close to them exactly um and it's it's been great i know it's been great the kiss and tell everyone doesn't want to kiss and tell i don't want to kiss and tell this tell you know that was a whole thing in the very beginning.
Oh my God, don't divulge any secrets. Right. Don't ask this. I get that you don't want to ask specifics people. Oh, where do you, what do you do? Like, we didn't even say, what do you do? Which was really weird because it's like the first question that you ask somebody when you meet them in the non, you know, in the vanilla world. Exactly. So we finally figured out, you can still ask that question. You just, you know, people just edit what they do. Oh, I'm in healthcare. Oh, I'm in, you know, public service. Oh, I'm a, you know, I'm a teacher. Right. Okay.
Well, could be a college teacher, could be teacher right okay well could be a college teacher could be preschool teacher could be a teacher in another county in a city who knows right right i'm an accountant right whatever i work in it it's general you don't have to tell them what company so that's kind of nice it's it's a little more relaxed um and then the other part of kiss and that that people do is they actually do share safety information. This one's been pretty key. And we have a friend who actually called it the Underground Pussy Railroad. Yes. Which was hilarious. Yes, yes.
And it was, you know, basically don't fuck with the women in the lifestyle don't burn them because they will all talk to each other yep because they don't want their girlfriends to go through the same thing that they went through right if you are too rough with them if you came over to their house and stalked them if you gave them an sti if you slipped the condom off right like all of that right um the women talk so um it's good you know and we we we watch out for one another and you know with the lifestyle and even some of the events, that whole thing that came up where one of the event coordinators wasn't protecting their own guests.
The event that will remain nameless. Right? We all talk about it. Hell yeah. It was all over Reddit and Twitter and everywhere.
We all talk about it we all um support um the you know don't if you don't ask don't touch and um if if something happens please please see security and get some get somebody kicked out if they need to because that's not okay but yeah um and then and that empowers us with a voice and a choice to choose where we want to spend our money and how we want to support um places that we want to go absolutely and i think it's it's really a a public safety yeah and a and a personal safety issue and i think it's important that everybody looks out for everybody else i agree now one of the good things about kissing and telling that we've found is couples getting recommendations about other couples like oh yeah we played with them they were fun that's the best part we're like oh that sounds good yeah in the beginning it was like no one ever said like who they fucked and they're like oh well we know that couple they're really nice we think you would like them right that's i totally forgot about that part that's the part where you get those introductions you're like hey and then they'll introduce you and then all of a sudden you're invited to a private party that you know of a group of friends that they think you'll be a good fit with right right so that's really key if you gel with them and they gel with this other couple then chances are yeah exactly everybody's in the same mood it's good so yeah the whole don't tell you know who who else you fucked no no you kind of need to because and honestly we're all in this to fuck other people.
So, you know, if it's a good, if you do a good job, you know, word of mouth, positive advertising. Yeah. It's not a bad thing. Maybe you didn't have a good time or you didn't have a good connection with that other people. You don't have to disparage them. You don't have to say that. It's just, you just, you're mature enough to know that it just wasn't the right fit. Right. Um, so, and, and I will say you don't always know it may be the right, not the right fit for that moment, but you may see them in six months when something changed with their dynamic, right?
Their communication got better or their preferences changed. Like I was talking about earlier, and all of a sudden, it's a better fit for you. Or their partners changed and it's a much better fit because it was that person. Right? I know. It was the husband or the wife. So, yeah. Just got, hence the whole fluidity, stay open, blah. The ball changes. The game changes. Exactly. Pros and cons to feeling more relaxed in the lifestyle. The pro, focus more on self-pleasure and not the distractions around you.
Con, not as aware of what others are doing, taking photos of you without permission, removing condoms, et cetera. Right. And then the other pro to feeling more relaxed in the lifestyle is, you know, being comfortable drinking or using an edible to enhance or one of your other favorite, you know, substances of choice. The con is, obviously, you're just not as aware of your safety and your boundaries can be pushed in a way that you may not be fully ready. Right. Or that you don't remember afterwards. Right. Which has happened before. Right, right.
So we are more comfortable therefore we we may you know have a drink or two more um than we than we used about midway because in the beginning we didn't drink at all right then we were like okay we'll have one drink and now we might have two you know maybe three the whole night and then um yeah and then we can just and and we can kind of focus on I'm going to be snapping photos. Yeah, yeah.
More respectful and yeah yeah more respectful yeah so those are the things of the pros and cons over the last 10 years it's been good it's been good and it's amazing how quickly it's gone and and how how much things have changed but also how fresh some of those early memories still are. Oh yeah. Some of our first parties.
So even though it's been 10 years since that fateful glow party where it all kind of got kicked off, I, you know, it's, it's been a lot, lot it's been a lot of memories like a lot of stuff still floats around in your head and um it's it's fun it's been a lot of fun i don't miss the strip search though at that one club no i don't miss that and that was hate that i'm still about that. And if we'd known then what we know now, we would have been like, where did the consent go?
Well, I did not strip like everybody else in that brightly lit room with the, felt like an interrogation room with the bright neon light, whatever, above us. I opened my shirt and said, if you're looking for a wire, there's no wire. You can look down my pants, but I am not stripping in front of these strangers right now. Right. Yeah. So, yeah. It was very invasive. We've had some awkward moments and we've had some really fun times. Yes. But I would say on the whole, it's been a lot of positive change. And I think our communication has gotten better and better. Oh, yeah.
Every interaction, we learn something new, which is fun. Oh, yeah. And we have a whole new set of tricks in our sex toy box now yes and some new toys in our toy box too yes which is another bonus of the lifestyle because you get to try other ladies toys yeah got a test drive all right everyone that's it for for us for the last 10 years that's's what's changed. Hope you enjoyed. Till next time. Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review.
It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.
