Send us Fan MailLifestyle Education| A Deep Dive into Deal Breakers in the Swingers Lifestyle | Episode 109Join Dan and Lacy, the charismatic hosts of the The Swing Nation Podcast, as they take you on a wild journey through the exciting world of non-monogamy and swinging.In this week s episode, Dan and Lacy provide invaluable insights and advice on identifying and navigating potential deal breakers. From ethical boundaries to sexual preferences, they explore the multifaceted world of deal breakers, discussing how open communication, respect, and consent play crucial roles in maintaining a healthy and enjoyable swinging dynamic. Tune in to The Swing Nation Podcast and get ready for an informative and captivating deep dive into this essential aspect of the swinger’s lifestyle.Don t miss out on the Swing Nation Podcast s weekly episodes as they unravel the mysteries, break stereotypes, and celebrate the freedom of love and pleasure. , rate, and review on your favorite podcast platform.- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More - The Swing Nation Merch The Swinger Pride Flags Swinger Society Merch- Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder! Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!- Thank you for the support! -
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Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle.
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Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl in today's episode we're gonna talk to you all about deal breakers in the swingers lifestyle yeah so it's been a while since we've done kind of what we call our lifestyle education episodes we've been doing a lot of we've had a lot of experiences a lot events here over the summer.
And so we've been kind of bouncing back and forth between events and different interviews we've done. But I think it's been a while since we've done what we call our educational series, which is just basically me and Lacey giving you our opinion about stuff in the lifestyle. Yeah. Or our advice, I guess. Yeah. Opinion, advice. Sometimes we do a little research. But it's been a while since we've done one of those episodes. And I think that's kind of what we, I don't know, it's kind of our brand.
It's kind of just, you know, we like to focus on that. We love the sexy stories. We love telling you about, especially our events and all the naughty fun we have with our friends. But I think the core of us is kind of trying to help people, kind of guide them along as they are on their lifestyle journey.
Well, and I think helps us like it makes us like stop and think about these things and kind of talk through them and it helps us make better decisions and it makes things better for us if that makes sense it's kind of like a way for us to stop and like talk about it no that's it's a good point um it's funny that we know because we research a lot of these subjects that we talk about on these kind of educational podcasts um and we we almost always learn something for sure and like you said it's just good talking talking it out between me and you um you know and being in this position where we're constantly getting asked questions about the lifestyle and stuff i think it's kind of it's good that we take time to do some research into some of these subjects and then also take some time to talk about it.
And then this, this is us talking about it in, in real time. We don't talk about these subjects usually before the podcast. It just kind of, we sit down and talk about them during. Yeah.
You usually do the research and then I kind of sit down and we just kind of talk through it and I kind of give you like my real life answers or what I think about it okay all right so before we get into lifestyle deal breakers this episode is going to drop on thursday and where are we going to be on thursday secret secrets hideaway resort in kissamee florida for our weekend to remember takeover yeah are you excited yeah are you ready that's the bigger question um so it's like a nine o'clock at night that we're recording this on a sunday and we leave monday morning um and i'm about as ready as we can be um i mean i feel like there's a few loose ends that we could tie up but at this point if it isn't packed then i've probably forgotten it and then i'll just have to buy it in florida or figure it out i don't know we'll figure it out it's funny i think we put a lot of like we always get worried and nervous and there's a lot of stress planning these events and stuff like that but truly we could probably show up to florida like with the one pair of clothes and yeah and throw a party and have a good time i have to remind myself that quite often like leading up events, I'm like, we always seem to pull it off somehow.
Like, you feel the week before that it's like, there's no way, no way on earth that we're going to get all this shit done. But somehow, every time we do, and it does make it easier, but I have to remind myself, like, we always pull it through. We're going to get it done. It's going to be fine.
But it's always stressful that last week well the trailer is almost full which is funny because when we bought i think it's an 18 foot or something enclosed trailer when we bought it and we loaded it up for our first i think our first trip that we took it to secrets it was like half full yeah we're like man and you were like why did we buy such a big trailer i'm like trust me you'll find a way to fill it up. And it's not full. We can fit more stuff in it, but it is getting near there. Yeah.
Yeah. All right. Well, okay. So we look forward to seeing everybody in Kissimmee, Florida, celebrating Kylie and Brad's wedding. Yeah. As well as just love and non-monogamy. Yeah.
Having kind of a weekend to remember and celebrating love, even if it't uh even if it isn't the typical um you know what society views as the normal relationship uh type of love um that's kind of what this weekend is about i'm excited we're gonna renew our vows we are along with all of our friends all of our friends on probably naked or close to naked poolside at secrets yeah it doesn't get much better than that it does not okay then what other events so if people are listening and they didn't make it to secrets or they can't make it to secrets this weekend uh what's where's some other events coming up that they can get to so we have the red room like in a month roughly um saturday night is sold out but we still have tickets for friday it's in national tennessee it's a halloween party yeah which is the weekend i think what the 21st and 22nd or 20th and 21st, whatever that weekend is.
It's like a week before the actual Halloween. Yeah, which is good if you have kids and stuff and you want to. Well, for me, I always want to be home on Halloween. Or even that, like, weekend right before it. Usually there's something going on with kids.
I kind of like that this is week before right and like you said saturday tickets are sold out usually as we get a little closer we'll have a few cancellations so um but friday is still we still have plenty of tickets for friday so if you're interested in that go to swingerside.net and check out that's at the red room in nashville um coming up uh what else then we got bliss cruise in november and then completely sold out completely sold out and then we're going to club euros is that how you say it yeah in december december 2nd yeah which is not our event but we're just we're asked to attend the club and we've never been there so we're gonna go we're gonna do a youtube video uh we're gonna hang out in knoxville with some pineapple people you did forget one last thing though what october 7th 7th, we're going to be at Trapeze Atlanta.
That's correct. Yeah, I did forget. That's actually the next one after Secrets. Yeah, so October 7th, we're going to be at Trapeze in Atlanta, which just happens to be one of our favorite clubs. Again, not a Swinner Society event. If you want tickets, the only way you can get them from Trapeze is at the door the day of. But October 7th, we mean nicely we'll be there. And we look forward to seeing some people. Yeah. Okay. I think that sums up the upcoming events through the end of the year.
It's crazy 2023 is starting to wrap up. It's crazy. And then 2024 will come. We can't even talk about 20. We'll come full swing. Oh, it's stressing me out.
So anyway, but if you're looking to come out and party with us swingerside.net it has all our events we are pretty much planned out events through december of next year at this point we're still working on contracts and details and we'll be announcing events as they come but really here in the next i think 30 days we should probably announce two or three more events uh and those tickets tend to sell out pretty quick so you definitely want to be on swing society if it's if you want that now i will say this weekend if you're listening today's thursday tickets for our next secrets event go on sale at 10 a.m on saturday to diamond to diamond club only members so if if you're listening it's thursday i think we said that I don't remember exactly what time, but I think Friday night, we're going to cut off new diamond memberships.
So go get your diamond membership if you want. First take on the secrets tickets. And then everybody else, it'll be 10 a.m. on Sunday. They'll go to the public. Last time we did a secrets ticket sellout event, they sold out in a couple of weeks, right? Yeah, it was less than a month. And it seems like it just keeps building and going faster and faster every time. So definitely head on over there if you're interested in all that. We're going to have three Secrets events next year.
Yeah, it's going to be a crazy year. Plenty of opportunities to do that. It's one of our favorites. It is. It's a good time. I feel like it's like our Super Bowl, even though we have more than one a year. It does feel like the big one, though, if that makes sense. I agree. I agree. Okay. All right. So let's get into deal breakers in the swinger lifestyle. Okay.
So if we're going to talk about deal breakers, kind of what we've done before in the past is we have to kind of define exactly what that means.
So does what is a deal breaker lacy do you mean to read that sure deal breakers are behaviors values and or characteristics of potential partner that fund that you fundamentally disagree with right so behaviors values or characteristics of potential partners that you fundamentally disagree with yeah that's a pretty good definition i think of a deal breaker right that means hey this is a this is an absolute whatever you're talking about whatever you're doing is a that's a 100 a no-go for me and therefore because you know we fundamentally disagree on this thing um there's no chance of us having a relationship and I'm using that word relationship, but that, you know, in the swingers lifestyle, that could mean we're not going to play.
We're not going to hang out. It can mean a lot of things, but basically we're not, we're not continuing. Do not pass go. Right. Yeah. Okay. So that's the definition of deal breaker. It does get a little confusing.
We've had other podcasts where we've talked about things like rules and boundaries and we've talked about things like red flags so how do you feel seal how do you see deal breakers being different than like rules and boundaries or red flags um for me rules and boundary are just like a set of things that it's kind of like a guideline for instance like we always use protection um so that like if with the other couple doesn't want to do that it's a no-go i guess that is kind of a deal breaker though too right right so that's like when i was when i was sitting there doing this outline for this podcast i i got kind of stuck in that circle a few times and that's kind of why i made notes on these subjects because i kind of wanted to hit on it because I think it, you know, when we use terms in the lifestyle, we tend to kind of start to confuse things.
So rules and boundaries are generally limits that you put on a relationship or activities, right? So these are things that, hey, we're not going to do these things, right? It's not a behavior or characteristic that you disagree with. It's a, I'm not going to have sex without a condom. We're not going to kiss. You're right. These are limits. These are rules. These are boundaries. And I always thought it was interesting.
Then I deep dived and kind of into rules and boundaries, like what's the difference between that? Right. And most people say there's some disagreements on this, but rules are things you put into place on other people and boundaries are things you put into place on yourself. Right. So a rule boundary could be the same thing. Right. But my rule to you is, no, you can't kiss me. My boundary to myself is I'm not going to kiss anybody else. Right.
And so it's, it's a little confusing, but that, and those could be different, right? Your boundaries might be different than mine. Right. You, you might not do anal sex and I do. Right. So those are boundaries that we have, but that's not a rule that we have when we engage in there's no, we don't have anal sex rule for me and you, right? Yeah. But your boundaries when it comes to anal sex are different than my boundaries. Okay. If that makes sense. I mean, it's not as clear as mud, but right.
All right. Boundaries, self-imposed rules we impose on somebody else. Yeah, yeah, I follow. But that's different than deal breakers. Deal breakers are behaviors, values, or characteristics that you fundamentally disagree with. Okay. Okay, all right, so then the only other thing that's a little confusing is red flags. Yeah. We did a whole episode on red flags. What were some things when we did that episode that we talked about? Do you remember?
I don't remember, but I can just think of some off the top of my head. A red flag would be a couple that argues with one another, somebody that drinks too much, somebody messaged you on the side. That could be a red flag. I mean, there's lots of things like that. Right. Yeah.
So red flag is is a warning or an indicator right so i when i think about this because i like boating and doing stuff like that right when you're coming back or when you're going when you're driving around the lake in a boat and you see that big red buoy right that's a warning or an indicator that's a red flag that there's rocks over there i kind of look at that the same in relationship right like if you something you see something you're like oh that looks dangerous i don't want to go there that's kind of a red flag in the lifestyle yeah right but not a behavior or characteristic that you fundamentally disagree with it's just a warning or indicator that something might be you might be going a dangerous way so yeah all right gotcha clear as much same yeah yeah i mean they all just so intertwine with each other so it's very hard to keep them separate right all right so we're gonna go over it one more time right deal breakers what's a deal breaker you got it it's something that you fundamentally disagree about behaviors characteristics that you fundamentally disagree with rules and boundaries these are limitations that we put it on ourselves or on other people and then red flags warning warning indicators okay i got it thank you kind of you're looking at me kind of glazed over on your eyes but i think you got it no i just nailed it you knocked it out of the park well you kind of answered half of it to be honest but um i kind of do's still, they're so interchangeable, but I see what you're saying.
I do. I hear you. Okay. So now that we've kind of separated those and sorted those out, let's go over some of the bigger deal breakers in the lifestyle. Cause I think those are the things we want to talk about. Now, what I will say is deal breakers that me and you have, this is another like rules and boundaries, right? The rules and boundaries me and Lacey have are not going to be the same rules and boundaries that any other couple in the lifestyle have. Everybody has to set their own. Right.
And it's funny when we were talking about recording this podcast episode, we talked about a few different subjects. And one of the subjects was my lifestyle journey might not look like your lifestyle journey.
Yeah yeah and we actually sat there and talked a little bit about that because we do realize that we have this like big platform and we don't do your typical swinging at home like where we go out to dinner with a couple and then could take them back to our house or go back to their house or get a hotel room like we do realize that we swing probably very different than your average person. Right.
Now that we have this platform and we've kind of started to do events, most of our swinger experiences are kind of, say on a grand scale, like they're big events, they're national events. There's usually at least a few hundred swingers there.
A lot of our play styles include orgies and multiple people you know we've built such a large community now that most of the events we go to we we have 20 30 40 friends at the event so having a large orgy with 5 10 16 15 people is not uh make us sound like such whores hey i'm proud i'm proud of that horness but um so our journey you know know it took us a lot to get to this place where we're now but it probably looks very different than the people listening out there it looks completely different than ours three years ago right just to be completely transparent yeah and i think it is important that people listening don't try to you don't have to be exactly like us right you don't have to listen to our podcast be like oh i'm gonna go this week i'm gonna go out and do what dan and lacy did on episode 34 of their podcast um it's good to pick up you know some hints some tips some tricks you'll learn from our mistakes all that stuff uh but if for some reason your lifestyle journey doesn't look like mine and life lacy's lifestyle journey doesn't mean you're doing it wrong yeah um and you're going to have, you might enjoy hot wifing.
You might enjoy a cuckold play. You might enjoy, I mean, there's a million different kinds of play styles. Uh, you might be in an open relationship. You might play separately, right? There's so many different ways of doing this. Um, so when me and Lacey talk about things like rules and boundaries, red flags, and now talking about deal breakers, those don't have to be the same as what yours are. I think that was a long, kind of a long journey to come full circle back to the deal breakers.
Yeah, but we had talked about that. That was a discussion that we had when we were talking about topics that we kind of got to tie two in with one.
Yeah i think i think it's just important to put that out there because i don't think we always talk about that and i could see how people listen to this uh listen to our podcast could be like wow you know like dan and lacy always talking about these big parties and all these people these big orgies truth be told when before we started podcasting i would listen to other people's podcasts and i'd be like wow everybody that they hang out with is so hot and everybody always gets hard and everything just magically happens but that never happens for us and i can remember it seeming seeming almost unattainable or like something i'd never heard of right so i think that's important for us to like pause and say that.
Right. Yeah. And it's, you know, with us, we have such a big platform. We've drawn so many people in and then we've kind of handpicked, you know, our select friends from that group of large people. And so we're, we're very blessed when it comes to the couples that we know and are close to us and that we engage with.
Even that being said, it's not all rainbows and unicorns within that that realm in that space so um yeah it's definitely it's worth looking at when you look at listen to us and look at us realize that that you know if your experience does not match ours that's to be expected yeah okay so back that was a total tangent back to deal breakers but i think it was an important one i think it was an important one. Okay. So I listed some out here. And these aren't necessarily ours.
But I tried to pick some of the ones that I thought were more universal. I don't think we've ever, like, sat down and said these are our deal breakers. Maybe that we can do that after. I mean, because I think that's, like, a private conversation that you and I have. No, I agree, yeah. But I think, like, if anything, this should inspire you and I to do that as well. Yeah. No, that's important.
You know what I mean, I, cause I think that's like a private conversation that you and I have, but I think like if anything, this should inspire you and I to do that as well. Yeah, no, that's important. You know, I mean, that's, you know, when we kind of differentiated between, um, rules and boundaries and red flags and deal breakers, I think it's important. You know, we always talk about how important it is to set rules and boundaries.
Um, yet, like you just said, we've been doing this for six going on seven years and we've never talked about what our absolute deal breakers were, which probably is a list of things we should probably know. I should know what yours are and you should know what mine are at least somewhat, you know what I mean? Um, so that's, that's a good point as well. But, uh, okay. So this list I've, I've gathered here is kind of the ones that I saw and came across that i thought were somewhat universal.
So what's number one on my list here? Well, I see your list, but it's politics, which is partly, I love that in the lifestyle, we don't talk about politics and stuff like that. Like it just, it's not necessary. I love that we can walk through the door and it doesn't matter who you voted for or what your beliefs are. We all, you know, just get along. Right. Yeah.
So the number one red flag I listened, and this isn't really in any particular order, but the first one I wanted to talk about was discussing politics, discussing religion, or any emotionally charged subject. Yeah. And it is kind of a general rule and will turn people off.
off uh it would be a deal breaker for us when we show up to a swingers club when we show up to a lifestyle event we want to have a sexy fun positive experience right the last thing we want to do is argue about um yeah name it as far as uh politics religion uh and other subjects go right um And to be honest, those conversations, I can say they've probably come up a few times in a lifestyle setting for us.
Yeah, I think the closer the friendships become, I think some of these lines do get blurred because you do develop such good friendships and you have developed trust and you become comfortable with one another. So these things do get brought up occasionally. Right. But if we locked into a lifestyle club and first thing off the bat, people tried to start talking politics with us. We've had that before. And it's, we were like looking at each other like, what?
I mean, like they assumed that we were a certain way, but they really didn they really didn't know you know like and had we been like super offended by that that it could have taken a total turn for the worse i agree yeah and uh for me that i would say that's a deal breaker for me if no i agree if that's something you want you know if and it even goes further than that right because when you go on to like some of these lifestyle websites and stuff like that you see things like if you voted for blank yeah in the last election don't contact me really yeah i've seen that on like sls i've seen that on some of these websites before and that's the first thing that popped in my head is like what's like nobody even wants to talk about that why would you put that in your lifestyle profile like why would you have that there now i i get there are some people um that are super into politics and are super uh you know opinionated one way or the other and maybe that's a deal breaker for them if maybe if you don't you know match their political um style or political opinions maybe that's a deal breaker for them but for me seeing that your profile is a hundred percent a deal breaker and i don't care even if i agree with you as far as uh yeah who you are voting for like even having this conversation make it's like a like it makes me uncomfortable like i don't even we're not supposed to talk about this i know i don't like it like it's just i don't know i just don't think it's necessary like we just want to fuck each other i don't really care who you voted for now on the flip side what if they're like super opposite of you and it's just like right that could also well i think you know and this is where it kind of, you know, if somebody was super the opposite of my politics and they just, for whatever reason, had to talk about it in the conversation, then I guess ultimately that would be a deal breaker for me.
Not because I really care about their politics, but because it would just annoy me that they wanted to keep bringing me up and talking about it. Because I really don't care who you voted for. Like, your body feels and tastes the same to me either, either way. Why is that hot to hear you say that? I'm just saying your body feels and tastes the same no matter who you voted for in the last election. Um, and, and we don't have to be on the same side of the fence for me personally.
Now, if you need to engage in that conversation and, and I just so happen to be on the opposite side side it probably would bother me to the point where it'd be a deal breaker for me correct uh and there's a bunch of other things i you know uh back during the covid the time of the covid the covid days uh there was people that put in their profile like if you're if either way i think you could see it like if you're vaccinated or if you're unvaccinated don't contact contact me and stuff like that.
Now I could see some people probably had, you know, people in their family that were at risk and stuff like that. And so they were just trying to protect themselves or their family. So I can understand that to some degree, but some of it I think was politically charged as well, which is interesting, you know? Yeah. Can you tell I don't check the profiles? Cause I've never seen anything.
I've seen one one thing and i'll wait because i'm assuming you're going to bring it up and i have seen one thing before but other than that that i just don't i don't look at the profiles so i don't know people are crazy people are crazy okay so we have some more um deal breakers that we want to talk about but i think first we're going to take a little break and hear from the partners and sponsors of the swing nation podcast okay and when we get back we're going to talk some heated some heated deal breakers oh no you ready yeah you already look uncomfortable i don't like this subject it's i didn't realize what we were quite what i was getting myself into but i can make it okay all right so stay tuned till after the break and we'll get into that okay we here at the swing nation podcast are proud to partner with promessant listen guys we've all been there you're having a hot night with a hot chick maybe a few hot chicks but you need to kind of delay the time before you pull that trigger Thank you.
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We want you to try Cassidy completely risk-free by using the 90-day elite membership trial link in our show notes or by going to theswingnation.info and clicking on the Cassidy banner under favorite apps and products. All right, guys. Welcome back. Welcome back. We appreciate you listening to our sponsors. We love our sponsors. Yeah. Lacey loves our sponsors. I do. Which sponsor are you Thank you.
right guys welcome back welcome back we appreciate you listening to our sponsors we love our sponsors yeah lacy loves our sponsors i do which which sponsor are you personally connecting with this week do you have do you have one in your mind probably promescent because i just package a shit ton of promescent i know that's probably not that doesn't sound nice a shit ton no but But Promescent has been, like, probably the biggest supporter of us. They are so generous.
If we ever need any kind of product for anything, samples, they send it so fast and it is so nice of them. I cannot tell you how many bottles of lube or boxes of condoms they've sent to our house.
I mean, it's when we're recording this we're about to leave for secrets i mean every every swag bag at secrets has promessant is it in it every raffle basket has promessant i mean it's just insane the amount of promessant that they have given us and so i'm super grateful and their products are amazing as a female i love their aloe vera lube that's my favorite one um i think it's just it's just good lube i never knew the difference i thought lube was lube and i think we're actually going to do a podcast with dr storer about the different types of lube but i didn't know that there was different types but i really like the aloe vera yeah no i agree i agree i kind of feel like you know like almost like i was childish when it came to like condoms and lube and stuff before i was in the lifestyle like i just thought they were kind of all the same yeah paying that much attention to it but it's like there are bougie condoms and bougie lubes out there and if you're not i mean and they're not that much more you know i mean like it's not that more expensive.
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So we're back and we're talking lifestyle deal breakers not to be confused with red flags which red flags are warnings and indicators yeah and rules and boundaries are self-imposed limits limits right and deal breakers are things you fundamentally disagree with. Okay. Fundamentally disagree with. Can you tell it's Sunday night at 10 o'clock and we're exhausted? We can tell. We can tell. Okay.
So the number two thing I put in here that we fundamentally disagree with, and you'll probably find this is pretty common that a lot of people fundamentally disagree with but you're gonna you're gonna find some of these deal breakers out there um people who are closed-minded to others yeah and when i say to others i mean to certain races yeah to certain genders to certain sexual orientations there are people that you're going to come across in the lifestyle i don't even know if i want to use the word community but on the lifestyle web pages because not all those people are actually what i would consider lifestyle there's some people that are just slapping some profiles up there and seeing what sticks um you know because i would generally say that lifestyle is pretty full of mostly open-minded people you would think so but like when i said i I saw i knew of one thing so i've seen profiles that say we only play within our race and i just i'm shocked by that right at 2023 okay have you ever seen any profiles that say no by men oh yeah all the time yeah so those are probably yeah and i i can think of um couples that we've played with that have after we've played with them they've been i've hear the man being like very outspoken about not liking bi males and it's i'm always so disappointed when i hear that because i just i'm like i was attracted to you but now i'm not you know it's kind of and it's exactly what it is the deal breaker because it's just like i don't know i just think it looks it makes them look bad yeah you know from my you know this is supposed to be a community that's accepting of all types right yeah we're you know and for the most part and i you know i don't want to get give people the wrong impression here but for the most part i think our community is but there definitely are individuals within this they're definitely there space that um have you know don't want to engage with certain races uh don't want to engage with certain uh sexual orientations and i i think a lot of it's just you know i don't know if people aren't educated or people are just closed-minded or, you know, you can say what it is, right?
And I kind of, when I researched this subject, I kind of got into this whole, you know, we've talked a little bit about this before, the difference between being racist and having preferences, right? And, you know, I read a few articles on this and stuff and, you know, it's a fine line there, right?
And it's kind of, of you know some people make the argument that if you have preferences that's kind of almost like built-in racism that you might not even fully understand yourself but it's it's in there somewhere um but you know i think everybody's entitled to an opinion of of that but i do think if you flat out put in your profile you know i only I only play within my race or, you know, something like that. It just it feels icky. It feels icky, right? Yeah.
And so I kind of went down this, you know, and researched this a little bit last night when I was looking into this podcast episode. And I actually found an interesting study. It was done by Science Direct. And it was a it's a blind study.
what they they were looking at this this issue of race and if it if it was racist to have um preferences but okay so this was a blind study and obviously it wasn't on people in the lifestyle i think it was on just normal like dating profiles like a tinder ish kind of thing um and it's interesting to me what they found, is that people who put um like like comments like you said like only play within their own race or you know things like that in their profile um people generally found them less attractive and were less likely to connect with them and it was even even people that you know because they asked all these questions beforehand and one of the questions what they asked is you know if you have racial preferences is that racist and you know even the people that answered no to that question and said that's not racist even they found people who put race um you know messages or you know some kind of thing about race in their profiles even people that said that that's not racist um found those people less attractive yeah and i think it's you kind of just said the same thing right like it's just it's just icky it's a turnoff for whatever reason when you put those kind of comments in your profile it just kind of it's kind of gross yeah and and it's interesting because i i assume in this blind study it had them score their how attracted they were to the person maybe before they read the profile or whatever and it said even people that initially like that found them attractive once they you know read that that those comments so it didn't matter how attracted they were to them they still were less likely to connect with them or or engage with them that kind of makes if they had a comment like that in in the, that's definitely a deal breaker for me.
Like, let's just say that, like, I don't mind talking about that, but yeah, if somebody put anything like that, um, like the no by mails, anything like that, I would be immediately turned off.
Or if I was having a conversation with someone at a club and they had negative things to say about any of these you know um people i would 100 be turned off by that that's just not somebody who i would like to hang out with or spend my time with right so you know it goes back to that whole you know a deal breaker is having characteristics that are fundamentally disagree with right and so And so if you have opinions, if you base opinions on people or your attraction to people based on their sexual orientation or the color of their skin, we fundamentally disagree with that deal breaker.
Yeah, for us. So I think that's a perfect example of a good deal breaker. And I think for the most part, it is interesting. I think you're starting to see a change when it comes to the buy mail stuff. Yeah, because I think when I first entered the lifestyle, I don't know that I would have been as firm in that decision. I think I've learned and grown within my own self and been more accepting of buy mails.
And I think that now it is very much like i know like i know how i feel about it now i think prior to being in the lifestyle i just wasn't open-minded enough to even see that so it's something that i've learned as well yeah uh and i think it's you know that also that the note of if you're listing racial preferences in your profile you're probably turning people off or away from you without even knowing it.
You know, maybe reevaluate yourself and look at that because you're doing yourself a disservice by doing that. For several reasons. You're probably missing connecting with some amazing people and you're turning off people that otherwise might have been attracted to you. Okay.
Other deal uh incompatible relationship styles or incompatible rules and boundaries could be a deal breaker right um so this this could be a lot of things it could be um maybe it's a a married man that's playing behind his spouse's back yeah you know and that's something that's been a hot button like what if someone is cheating like as a couple like for instance let's say we meet a female who's hot who's super hot but we find out she's married and she's cheating on her husband like we talked about that that i mean that stuff and it happens for guys too i don't want to just say females because it happens both ways like is that a deal breaker that's a very good question okay i'm gonna answer this question completely honestly right for me it would be a deal breaker and it's not a deal breaker for me because because i because of moral reasons although i do morally disagree with it on some level but probably not to the point where it'd be a deal breaker because my my honest opinion of that is your relationship is your relationship and not my business to try to tell you how to manage your relationship right but it would be a deal breaker for me because i know that increases the level of drama that's likely to happen yeah right so the moral issue i i generally disagree with you cheating right you should be honest with your partner but you know if you're really hot that's your problem not my problem yeah but because i realize there's an increased chance of that you know know, your partner finding out and then showing up on my doorstep or calling me or I don't have to worry about my job now, but you know, like causing unnecessary drama in my life to me, that puts it to the, elevates it to the point where it's not worth it for me to engage with you, no matter how you are because it's not worth all that bullshit drama so deal breaker yeah is there any other lifestyle choices that you can think of that can be applied here i'm trying to think of it or different rules or boundaries well some deal breaker and this is this is kind of interesting right um we talk about there might be couples where their rules and boundaries are they only play separately right yeah well if your rules and boundaries are you only play separately and our rules and boundaries are we only play uh together yeah that elevates it to a deal breaker right we just that just what about kissing that is the rule and boundary if we met a couple that their rule and boundary is no kissing.
I'm going to be disappointed. Not a deal breaker. It's not a deal breaker? I mean, especially if, you know, there's a lot of other things you can do besides kissing. Now, I like kissing. Like, I like making out with a chick, especially a chick I've never kissed before and, like, you can tell she wants it. I can tell we haven't had sex. I'm so turned on right now. I know. I kind of knew you were, so I was kind of going with that. We haven't had sex in like, well, we had a little sex yesterday.
But like, we haven't had like sex in a few days. Sorry. And when he's sitting here talking about like making out. Yeah, sorry. You are such a cuck. Like, you really are. It's a separate episode, but Lacey is a cuck. Sorry.
We got all, this episode but lacy is a cuck sorry yeah we got all we this is this episode's just a hot if i talk about making out with girls or fucking them or touching them and feeling or tasting them you said tasting earlier fuck okay get back to the subject okay so you would you would still do it yeah i mean i kind of feel i don't know i would be disappointed yeah um any i guess relationship styles what other relationship style besides like a cheating spouse would with that what if um what about a poly couple well you know that's funny because we played it's been years since we've done this but we play with this couple that were poly or at least that's what we were told i don't know if that was the case and this is before we really knew a lot about poly and we were totally turned off by poly we were like absolutely not like we even kept like we kind of had boundaries with that couple like we didn't really start group chats you talked to him.
I didn't really talk to him. It's like we were afraid to get close to them. We were afraid they were going to. We were afraid they were going to try to love us up or something. But now we've been in the lifestyle long and we've educated ourselves to polyamory. So I would not be afraid of someone that is in poly relationships now.
But, yeah, I mean could be a deal breaker it could be for some people fundamentally if you say hey i'm strictly uh you know i'm strictly a swinger and and i don't want to have emotions uh involved and i fundamentally disagree with the people that do so if people are looking for that that's a deal breaker for me yeah that's a total deal breaker for some people anyway. Right. And I think it's funny because I think we've grown. I think we've grown in a lot of these places. Hands down. Okay.
Anything else you want to talk about? Impatible rules, boundaries, relationship style? No, I don't think so.
So I think that we kind of touched on a lot of things and I would say, you know, there are people that don't mind cheating, spouses there are some like couples that maybe even prefer that like they enjoy that the naughtiness of it or you know whatever um but i think for us you know for me it would be a deal breaker more so because i don't want to deal with your drama then there's enough people out there to fuck that we don't have to deal with that's even the bigger thing right i'll just i'll find somebody else that um i want to fuck that doesn't bring that baggage yeah yeah i agree okay breaking agreed upon rules and boundaries oh is that a deal breaker yeah for me it is like our boundaries our rules are we communicate angry messaging so if someone is trying to cross that line i think that would be a deal breaker for me right yeah i'd say especially if they're doing it in a deceitful way like for example i have been like snapchat messaging someone right now but but i came to you and told you like immediately i was like this is the situation we is the situation.
We're not sexting. We're not, like, you know, we're not doing anything inappropriate. It's just light flirting. So, like, we communicated about it. And he even asked, you know, should we add Dan to it? So that's a different situation. But if, like, somebody is very clear on our boundaries and the husband is, or our wife is just completely like, doesn't give a shit and they're trying to step past that, that would be a deal breaker for me. Right.
Cause I, I fundamentally, you know, you're disregarding purposely disregarding our, you know, you're disrespecting us, which is, you know, I fundamentally disagree with that behavior. Deal breaker.
Um, what other, now I will for that one right breaking and agreed upon rules and boundaries it really it's like almost like a case by case right now obviously if you think it's done purposely and and you know kind of deceitfully it's for i think to me that would always be a deal breaker but we've actually played with couples that had a no kissing rule before and you accidentally kissed the guy remember it was no oral no oral yeah and i didn't i made i didn't make i was like daphne suck his dick she went to suck his dick and then we forgot that they had a no oral because that's not a super common boundary.
But it was not intentional. Like, as soon as we realized it, we're like, oh, my gosh. And it was very apologetic. And so, yeah, you're totally right. Even couples that have, we've had couples that have messaged each other on the side and not realized that before, too. Again, that's a different situation than if you have somebody that's repeatedly trying to step over that boundary. Okay. Okay.
So the next thing I want to talk about, I'm actually going to skip this one and go back to it and talk about, but I want to talk about, um, hunting or, or hunters. Um, and this is, and this is basically what this means.
You're going to hear terms like hot wife hunter or unicorn hunter, or, you know, people will even put in their profiles you know we're we're unicorn hunters um and then you're going to see couple so you're going to see couples that put it out there in their profile that's one type of hunter and then the second type of hunter you're going to see is when you go to an actual club you're going to see these couples that come up to a couple and say hey you want to want to go to the playroom?
And they're going to get denied, you know, and they're like, oh, not now, maybe later. And then you're going to see that same couple go to the next couple and say, hey, do you want to go to the playroom? And if they get denied, they're going to the next couple, right?
There are couples that they're there just to get it in and get as much of it in as they possibly can um is that is that a deal breaker for you no it's not a deal breaker no first of all the ones that have it in their profile good for you own what you are and do you the second people that are just going up to people and saying do you want to have sex that's good for them like if that's what they're there for and they are both on the same page and they're both living their life and they just want to fuck as many people as they want to i say do what you want to do who's to say that the way i swing is better or worse than the way they swing and it's also they're asking people they're not you know now when they when they're trying to deceive someone if there's deception or if they're trying to trick something there is a problem but if they're just like point blank asking and that's what they want to do and the person that goes back with them wants to go back with them that's on them i have no issues with that yeah but so you you're saying if if that couple came up to you and it happened to be the right time of night for you where you were looking to do something and they were you were attracted to them and you but maybe you'd seen them go to then that's my prerogative then if i don't then if i've seen them go to 10 people i'm like well i don't want to be the 10th down the list you know to me that's not necessarily a deal breaker for me i just may not be interested you know like that may be a turnoff right but now if they're super hot and then they're sexy and maybe i want to go i don't i don't know but to me i mean shoot your shot i would much rather see somebody ask 10 people in a club to fuck than the couple in the corner who doesn't ask anybody that's just my opinion and you know you want to call it a hunter i mean at the end of the day we're all there to fuck that's correct i mean we're all there to fuck so whether you be open and honest about it or or are you kind of i mean like we're just that's what we're there for no i actually and this is why i like doing this podcast without meeting you having these conversations about it because i like your your upfront and honest answers about this thing uh because this whole you know the hunter term it's kind of a hot button you know we kind of talk about in our podcast there's always there's always these subjects that are getting thrown around yeah it doesn't bother me that are like hot button subjects and they seem to repeat them you know like should we be using the word swinger is one that like seems to come up every unicorn every week.
Like Unicorn Hunter, we hear that a lot. And honestly, as a formal unicorn, I don't care. Like, if you and your husband or you and your wife, you want a single female and your goal is to go to a club and find a single female, if that's what you're into, go do it. I mean, like, it's not, you're not hurting anybody else.
I think the only people that are jealous are the ones that wanted to hook up with that single female and didn't get it you know there are the ones that are probably going to call you a unicorn hunter no you're right now i will say the term hunter right it sounds bad i understand why people have problems with that and you'll hear a lot about this in the in the polyamory space that they really are against unicorn hunting or unicorn hunters um and you know and their their take on this is you're not you're you're treating that third person not as an equal right which if you're looking to engage in a polyamorous loving relationship that's different that completely makes sense right you you shouldn't be treating somebody lesser than right but to me swinging yes there are some people that cross like cross between polyamory and even we do to be honest with you we have a lot of friendships that we have built in that we genuinely care about these people we have genuine relationships with these people but at the end of the day we all just want to fuck each other you know that's what it's all about and as when i was a single female i just wanted to be fucked you know i just wanted i didn't want you weren't looking for a couple to like relationship you up or you know actually quite the opposite i found that couples tended to want to relationship me up they They wanted me to continue to almost date them.
And it was kind of like this weird swinging polyamory mashup situation that I was really just trying to get fucked and go home. Yeah. No, I agree with that.
I think for me, for this, you know, the whole hunter thing, I get that term can be viewed as derogatory because essentially you're saying the person being hunted is like prey or a victim or yeah i mean like it kind of but you're only a victim if you want to be you know and it's almost like a kink like your point yes some people want to be prey or they want to be chased or they want well and as a like a lifestyle we shouldn't like shame anyone's kink you know and like if a husband and a wife are really into going and finding a female to take home and fuck and have so much fun with and they're pleasuring her and she's pleasuring them and it's a mutual beneficial situation who are we to judge them for that i i i actually like what you're saying and i agree with it for the most part.
Yeah. For the most part. No, for the most part. Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree. I think the key to all of this is making sure all three of you are, well, consent and everybody's on the same page, right?
Because like what you said is as long as you're being upfront and honest with that unicorn, with that third person and saying hey we're just here because we want to have hot awesome sex with you we are not looking to yeah engage in some long-term relationship and if you're good with that and she's good with that and you go fuck each other's brains out and never talk again that's completely a that's ethical right and that's that's what the lifestyle is all about yeah um okay no i think That's great but i think like they think of this female is this like innocent creature who is being taken advantage of when in fact this creature may be like owning her sexuality and maybe want to be taken advantage of or maybe she might enjoy being submissive and kind of being taken advantage of, so to speak.
Yeah. If that's her kink and she's consenting and she agrees on everything and it's all up front and it's all negotiated, go for it. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Okay.
My last thing on my, my list of, uh, deal breakers is, um, engaging with people who have, um, histories of physical, physical uh or sexual abuse or criminal histories a criminal history i guess my question to you is how do you know that is that hearsay is that coming like from the horse's mouth because if it's like here i mean well it's probably both if i hear somebody's like a robber i'm not gonna go fuck i love your I don't know.
like here i mean well it's probably both if i hear somebody's like a robber i'm not gonna go i love your i love your unscripted answers but like if they tell me they're a robber i still probably don't want to fuck them so it doesn't matter say we're talking with a couple and they're like oh yeah i just got out of prison last last month or or last year deal breaker it depends on what crime you committed it might be hot is that what you're saying yeah i mean if he's like a reform a reform criminal yeah because like let's say he's in his 30s and when he was 19 he got busted for having weed like i'm not gonna not fuck him because he's right you know because he he fucked up at 19 but like if he spent 20 years in the big house and he just got out last month and he's got a teardrop tattoo i'm not down for that uh yeah the reason the reason i even put this this down here is uh a lot of lifestyle clubs out there do what they call like a soft background search, right?
So when you submit your IDs and your information to the club, essentially a lot of times what they'll do is they won't do a full background check on you, but they'll search all these public, you know, domains. I wouldn't trust that if it was me.
Like if I was genuinely concerned for my safety, I would ask questions questions i would not think that because a club run ran a soft background check on someone that that immediately makes me safe yeah just me personally yeah and the biggest thing they're looking for is if you're on one of those sex offenders yeah right because it's a sexually incharged environment they don't want sex offenders but there's there's people that do bad that have never been caught. That's what I'm saying. Oh, 100%.
100% correct. Yeah, so any kind of sexual, any kind of, any of that deal breaker. But I think it depends on the situation. It depends on what crime you committed and whether or not Lacey finds that sexy or not sexy. There's a fine line. There's a fine line. So where do you draw that line? I don't know. Is it like, okay, you can be a felony? Is that like if they're a felon, that's too far? I don't know. I'm just fucking them. I'm not marrying them. They can be a felon. Okay. Oh, my God.
Well, what's a fine line for you? What? I don't know. Why is this all about me? I wasn't even going. We went in a totally. I wrote that down to really talk about the soft background checks and the sex offenders list. And I went to her. And you went to a totally different face with it. I'm crying. You can tell Lacey's horny because she's like, well, you know, if they just stole some shit, like maybe robbed a bank, like that's kind of sexy. And they probably got money. So like it's a win-win.
No, not if they robbed a bank. You never get. Oh, that's too far. No, you don't get a lot of money if you rob a bank usually. And then you're going to jail. So you never have a lot of money if you've been like, if you're a criminal. You've researched this? No, I just didn't. You just know these things? We're delirious. No, but I mean, like, if I, I can't even. Finish your thought. So, yeah, any kind of sexual criminal activity, absolutely no. Right. Deal breaker.
and i think that's that's what you're going to see in the lifestyle correct most of these clubs groups and events are screening for that yeah any kind of other thing most people don't like if you're just there to like have fun and like get to know them on the surface level and then fuck them and then go home they're not typically going over their past past legal struggles. So you probably would not even know.
But like if it was someone that hung out at the club, maybe you see them often and somebody was like, I heard he spent time in the slammer. You know, that would be different. That might turn Lacey on. It may or may not. As long as you don't have a teardrop tattoo, right? Yeah. As long as you haven't murdered anybody.
or maybe i fucked the guy with a teardrop tattoo and then i can tell a story about that one time i fucked a guy with a teardrop tattoo i mean it just depends on where the night goes fair enough fair enough but it's not a deal breaker it's not a deal breaker for you no it depends right but we all agree on the sex offender thing correct and if it's a violent crime too like if you've hurt someone or yeah someone's bad absolutely not i mean like in all jokes aside i was laughing because i was talking about the other stuff but truth be told if you've hurt someone hurt a child hurt an animal hurt like you know that's a deal breaker for me yeah um yeah but but to your point you're not really going to know that stuff right you have to vet people yourself yeah um some of these clubs and groups do do soft vetting some of them don't do any vetting yeah so just just be aware of that when you're when you're in these spaces okay that's all i had in my notes for deal breakers is there anything else i feel like this episode was a shit show it's a little i think all every episode is a little bit of a shit show but sometimes those are our best episodes sometimes they're the best ones right i mean yeah i'm like literally crying i'm left so hard i guess maybe i needed it okay i still need to be fucked for the record okay well you know we gotta get to that so um to close out this episode it's now thursday yeah we're at secrets yeah we're probably setting up merch tents getting ready for tomorrow people are for trickling well they're not it's really at 5 a.m but so depending what time you are listening to this the party's just getting started yeah so if you're anywhere near kissamie florida um they have day passes.
Secrets tells me they've never hit capacity and sold out of day passes. I think we should test that. I think our group might test that. Yeah. There's been a lot of people coming in on day passes for this event. So anyway, if you're in the area, come check us out. Come and party with us. We're going to be playing pool games, giving away thousands of dollars worth of prizes. We got sex toys.
We bunnies we got all the games uh we got some of the hottest djs in the lifestyle uh all this weekend at secrets hideaway if you don't make it this weekend go uh on swinger society.net because this weekend the next the next event's gonna be dropping um and all our 2024 events uh will be being released here soon over the next few months yeah so stay stay tuned guys uh all right anything else that we didn't touch on or you want to you want to share with the swing nation listeners out there nope all right well i think that concludes this episode thanks for tuning in guys uh and with that in a world full of apples be the pineapple be the pineapple guys bye if you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us leave a five-star review wherever you're listening if you want to see more of our content you can find links to snapchat Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes.
Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
