BHM (Big Handsome Man) Why the double standard??

I haven’t had much success here because I’m not active like that, but I’ve had plenty of success elsewhere. A lot of women do like BHM. Some aren’t and they’re going to be picky. Those are the ones you don’t want to mess with anyway. A lot comes down to your personality. Are you someone that woman or couple will want to be around in general, regardless of how good your stroke game is? This is one of the things to not focus your time on. Just focus on you, and what you bring to the experience, cast your line and wait for the fish to bite.

It is except in the absence of a gravitational force. Which does not apply to this earthling

Zero for weight IS lying about it.

So for "us" its easy.. some days we like steak, other days fish and chicken.. we seek ones beauty and sexiness in a profile, first meet or whatever turns her on... if a guy has some game, well dressed, smells good, can flirt, great smile and keeps her attention its game on for "her".

It's "our" journey and we look for a variety but do NOT want a fat slob, poorly dressed etc guy or gal..

There are many unseen rules and abbreviations, definitions and misconceptions used which do not necessarily mean the same for everybody.
For instance, I never knew that BBW was defined as a big beautiful woman, Every time I see those letters I instantly think Big Beached Whale. Similar for BBC, which the correct definition is [British Broadcasting Corporation].

When your see a profile that claims to be 0 lbs, as in zero pounds, well everyone knows that is impossible, so most people see right through it and realize the person claiming they weigh zero pounds is most likely obese, or very heavy. To put it in a more polite way they don't want to lie about their weight (which is honorable) yet they are to embarrassed to state the truth.

As for BHM being a double standard, I don't see that being a problem as BHM has existed for decades, it's even in the Urban Dictionary and they sell BHM coffee mungs on the site that state, Big [Handsome Man]. [A cute] [fat guy]. If you see a BBW and you like that, congrats. If not, maybe you could at least bring her a drink, just be careful that you don't kick the beach sand in her face upon approaching her. All women hate that. Good luck CHEERS

I will say it doesn't bother me. i don't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with me. Most time I see dumbass men being to aggressive and rude. In any case i have had great success with this site. Iv'e also been ghosted/stood up many times. i move on and brush off my pride. No matter who you are it hurts a little. with that said. good luck to all of you and have fun.

Well, if it makes you feel any better I only seem to get contacted by bi guys looking for cock, and I don't think my profile or pics are that bad LMAO

P.S. If this is your general attitude about things, I guarantee you it's not a bit of extra gut that's turning people off.

oh boy. Here we go.

You make your own vavavoom. There is no double standard. Each individual person has their own likes and dislikes - what attracts them and what doesn't. Your analogy makes precisely ZERO sense, and I urge you to stop comparing yourself to ANYBODY else. You're walking a fine line between self-pity and entitlement, and neither is healthy. A person being attracted to a woman with curves has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU and your situation.

If you think you're being overlooked for how you look, then you get to decide to change how you look or not.

Yours is not an actual problem. You're just desperate to blame someone other than yourself.

I still say personality is key here. Yes some people do gravitate towards the physically fit males only however if you can make a woman laugh and feel comfortable with you then you are most likely in as it were. I have always been a big man and have had my share of offers in the lifestyle (mostly taken up) and out (nope not cheating or helping you cheat). I can say it has nothing to do with my physique but everything to do with my personality. Oh and in my case it helps we are a couple however the outside of the lifestyle (and once or twice in it the few refused) offers have been made to me alone. What I have found as interesting is how women with obvious options (more physically fit) have passed on them and gone with me/us or the guy like me with the personality versus looks.

Lonely - From reading the posts here, it seems this just is what it is. It doesn't appear to be some devious plot against heavy guys or anything new. People have different reasons for the preferences and because there are so many single guys to choose from in the LS, they can pretty easily find guys that fit their preferences. I don't think complaining about it is going to do anything except make you look like a complainer. Your best bet, if you plan to continue to be heavy, is to overshadow the physical disadvantage with a personality advantage. Your profile would be a good place to start.

lonely - I have on occasion seen people use the expression BBM. BHM may be more appropriate, but an acronym does exist for guys, albeit not as commonly used as BBW.

Since there are so many SMs in the LS, the odds are simply in a woman's favor whether she be a BBW, or not. If it were the other way around, I suspect a lot of guys would be more picky, but this ratio being so one-sided is essentially the answer to your question. It's not so much of a double-standard as it is the shear numbers involved.

If you want proof, do a search of the number of couples within 50 miles of you. Then do the same search for SFs and SMs. In my area there are 329 couples, 827 SMs, and 32 SFs.

I did the full age range (18 - 99), so these bands get even narrower when you factor in age preferences. Using these #'s though, there are ~2.5x more SMs than couples and ~26x more SMs than SFs.

Lonely- I considered just ignoring you but you bring out the privileged, golden type, Karen in me

It’s been explained to you by several people now. You are being purposely obtuse and obviously looking for pity.

Why don’t women online communicate with you? Your profile and online personality is lacking. You have no pictures. Your text is only about what you want, not what you can provide, it’s lacking personality and you have that stupid, useless warning posted.

As far as in person, at parties... I couldn’t say for sure but I can say that some rather less-than-golden-type men have managed to charm the panties off of me with their wit and personality and I’ve seen these same men do it to other women.

In one way or another work on your charm and personality if you expect to have any luck.

~rabbit~

One.. Finally someone has said the truth... KUDOS!

Exactly our thoughts.. big difference in one working with weights , doing sports 5-6 days a week, vs just overweight and out of shape!

Online, you could help yourself by having public photos. They can be faceless or from the back, but if you are well groomed and presentable in photos, that can ease your way a bit. People are often reluctant to engage in such a way that they might have to say no thank you only after seeing what someone looks like.

In person, it helps to be the life of the party or stand out in other positive ways, especially if you don't fit the traditional Adonis mold. There is possibly a biological basis for an unthinking preference in women for thinner, fitter men, but since as a group we tend to be swayed by personality even if the person isn't our usual preference, you can eliminate some of the deficit by being personable, attractive, attentive, etc.

I know that from experience, but it did take meeting the guy a few times.

Loanley if I had to guess just from my wife's reaction to having played with a less than physically fit guy it is a matter of a heavy guy being able to fuck her in certain positions because of his cock vs belly size, sweating all over her during play, not having the physical endurance for a good long fuck session compared to a physically fit man and just the fact that an overweight guy gives the impression of not caring about himself enough to lose the weight and hit the gym. Even if it is an issue of a medical reason for the extra weight there are plenty of programs to help take it off. There is a big difference between a 6" 260 muscular guy and one that is just overweight/fat. We hit the gym 5 days a week to stay fit. We expect our partners to be at least somewhat in good shape to keep up with us.

msmolly.....it's actually a little of both. At the parties, I tend to witness women gravitate to the slimmer males where the men will talk to and/or connect with all women regardless of size. As for the online connections...I do have a difficult time getting females to communicate.

I went looking and couldn't find a response to a question you were asked months ago, which is whether you're also overlooked at parties and events or if it's just on line. If it's just the latter, there's actually a different explanation than if it's the former as well.

But, yeah, there's a double standard and biology might have something to do with it, as might our cultural decisions on what constitutes virility and how that mixes with the role of single men in swinging.

Lonely, I can't comment on why women think this way being a guy - that's their prerogative. But kudos that you're making an effort to look good. Personality and confidence can make even more of a difference in how women view a man.

Well, nova......I was going to respond to you with a photo of myself to ask if you think I'm "slovenly " or not! But since you, like most couples on here, have single males blocked I can not! What I am referring to is the double standard. The term BBW itself is and example of what I talk about. I made up the term BHM for this post. It doesn't really exist! I am a well kept, kind, honest and decent guy that just happens to be a little on the heavy side. (I do try to lose weight constantly, btw) I just can't understand why we are passed over while bigger women are gaining more and more respect and popularity every day.

I'm not sure I agree that this is a "trend over the years in this lifestyle", at least in my experience. 20+ years ago there were both overweight women and men in the LS and if someone liked an overweight partner, it was much more likely to be an overweight woman as opposed to an overweight man. About the same standard as now, as far as I can tell. However, I will say that there are definitely more overweight Americans in the LS now compared to then, not that we find them more attractive now than we did 20 years ago.

I also disagree with the thought that now the average not-overweight swinger views BBWs as just as desirable a partner as a trim woman. I see the same majority of that population of swingers that prefer trimmer women, and the same minority of that population that prefer BBWs. Maybe now people are more politically correct/restrained about voicing an opinion on heavy women than men.

I do agree with a previous comment that it's often the case with an overweight couple that the woman usually looks and dresses nice, and all too often the guy just appears slovenly. If I was an overweight dude, I'd first be trying to lose weight and second look the best that I can. What I wouldn't do is try to shame people into liking me because I'm repressed or victimized in some way - doesn't seem that would sway anyone's preference.

I was going to offer my two cents, but Scamp basically summed it up for me. Supply and demand

I would categorize myself in the big handsome bastard category. I typically have no problem finding a play partner or two when I go to an actual event. Setting up dates using apps is more of a pain in the ass, and kind of a time waster imho.

I don't have much of an issue with double standards, and think the Jason Mimoa dad bod debacle was pretty good evidence that one exists on the issue of fat acceptance.

With all that said. my observations on fat dudes and chicks suggest they differ in one key respect: sloppiness. BBWs will go through all the efforts of dolling up, while BHM's often just look sloppy.

you what ima be the bigger man and apologize to whoever I talked bad about if you like me and most sometimes instead of hearing you people out I just let a couple people get me to the point I felt everybody wanna try to ruin my mingling with some couple s and singles I cant take nothing back but I can say sorry hope you guys keep the knowledge going for more new comers......Mike

“...what I want to know is this, we as huskier guys, seem to be overlooked in this lifestyle.”

I’m not sure that is actually a question but I’ll try to answer and I apologize in advance for what may seem misogynistic but I am just trying to make a point.

Start with the simple fact that single women are in higher demand than single guys in the LS, probably by a factor of at least 10 to 1. Then realize that there are likely 100 times as many single males as single females here. Right away, you can see your odds are about 1,000 times worse than a single female.

Now a “10”, either male or female will always have a full dance card. The difference is, a female who is a “4” will still get a lot of attention while a guy who is a “7” may not. It’s supply and demand.

So while you see being a BBW is celebrated while “huskier guys” aren’t, it is more about the numbers than any double standard.

But there is good news. You can stand out from the crowd with personality, quality pics, a well written, humorous profile and (sorry if this hurts your feelings) you can lose weight!

In other words, instead of telling women what you think they SHOULD fantasize about, learn what they actually DO fantasize about and be that guy. You will realize that personality is a bigger part than you think and sounding like a victim is not sexy.

~Scamp (the male half who spent 10 years on SLS as a SM before meeting and marrying rabbit)

Who BTW you owe a apology to for your “Karenesque” comment.