Advice

It will always be the case that people do know know what they do not know. In other words, sometimes a problem will crop up that one never knew was a problem until after it happened.

While it may not have been the case here, with newbies in particular, people never truely know how they will feel about seeing their partner play with someone else until it actually happens. It's one of the reasons a number of experienced couples will avoid newbies, and there is merit to that.

Perhaps, but judging from her reaction to who he was playing with, it’s difficult for me to believe she’d be comfortable with him playing with people she doesn’t know and who may not conform to her high standards. Wouldn’t be the first time a husband wrote for the wife.

Regardless, the point remains that open honest communication before and after play is crucial. Understanding and respecting each other’s desires and limitations helps prevent such drama.

I read their profile and the last line in it is, " I ( female) am aware he meets couples without me."

It could be that he wrote this, but it was written as if she had.

Being together for 4 years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. I don't think it's all that unusual when you first start to find that your partner may not have as high of a standard as you thought they would. That mismatch in her head is what seemed to set her off in this case.

When we first started in the LS, we were, quite frankly, more shallow in what we were looking for. Over time, additude became every bit as important as looks. The male half of this couple has been in the LS for 20+ years while the female half is relatively new to all of this. All things considered, while what happened is a problem, I can at least understand how it may have happened.

I just read their post, and their profile. Lots of red flags and inconsistencies between the post and the profile. Not a surprise since the post was written by the woman and the profile seems as if it was written by the man. It doesn't appear they have been on the same page, and it doesn't sound like they have communicated rules or worked through possible scenarios.

It's a good advertisement for couples to make sure their communication is in order before venturing out into the wild.......

CopNkitten - "I guess they figured out that swinging wasn't for them"

No surprise. Jealousy in any form is usually not compatible with swinging. Not sure this was exactly jealousy though.

It is usually a fear for the female half of a newbie couple that her SO would look at her in a more negative light if she played with other men. This was kind of the opposite of that where it sounded like she was disgusted with her husband after he played with a particular woman. The odd part was that this is something he's done before and it seemed to be something about this particular woman that set her off.

At a minimum, it sounded like a break from the LS was needed until they could sort this out. Just when you think you've heard everything, something like this comes along. Interesting, to say the least.

"it looks like their profile was deleted."

No, it's still active and they signed in today.

She cross posted here and in Women Talk and the latter thread starter is still there.

it looks like their profile was deleted. i guess they figured out that swinging wasn't for them

I could be wrong, but I'm guessing that the original poster deleted her post when she realized she was not going to get the reaction she thought she'd get from her post. Especially since there has been no further comment from her on any of this.

This has been a topic of discussion with some swinger couples we are friendly with.

Whether it's a male or female glory hole, the appeal for those that like it is the anonymity of it. You go into the glory hole (on either side) knowing that you don't know who is on the other side. Otherwise, it's just a blow job or cunnilingus (or penetrative sex). If you're uncomfortable with who is on the other side, glory hole play is not for you (or your partner). We know a couple where a husband enjoys watching his wife at a glory hole giving anonymous blow jobs.

We've been to clubs where a glory hole wall has been built in the middle of a room where you can pretty much see around either end who is on the other side.

There are so many aspects to play for swingers that there's no way everyone would enjoy every activity. We've always loved the fact that everyone can explore what excites them in particular without judgement

I've honestly never participated on either side of a glory hole, but the ones I have seen, you wouldn't know who (or what) was on the other side of the wall unless you peeked through the hole first.

Why punish the man after the fact for doing something he told you he was going to do. just because you didn't approve of the women that he was doing "whatever" with? It's quite possible he never even saw her. I could see you saying, "You really should have checked first" or "Please don't do that again", but that's not what you did.

My advice? A long hard talk about what happened, why it bothered you, and how to avoid a scene like that in the future. Either that, or decide to leave the LS. Just keep in mind that free advice is worth every penny you pay for it ;-)

It's okay, he left a tip...

Was there leprosy involved?

She posted this in women talk.
Guess that is why she deleted it here.

Not everyone is going to like everything about swinging.
You need to decide what is offlimits and tell your husband he can't do those things.
You are not supposed to see who is behind the gloryhole. That is the point of a glory hole.
If you do not agree, then tell your husband that he can't visit gloryholes and you have to pick his partners.
Virtually every woman is going to be pickier than a guy. It is just one of the many differences between men and women.

This was the original post, not sure why they deleted it.

" I will start by saying I am a very picky person when it comes to choosing partners. We went to a club and my other half (male) mentioned he wanted to go to the gloryhole. I was like go. When I walked over and saw who was behind the gloryhole I was totally grossed out as it was someone I would never choose to be with my man. I wouldn't let him touch me the rest of the night. After we left he told me to stop it next time. Is this normal to feel this way? He has enjoyed glory holes before and I have never reacted this way. I am a very sexual person and like to be with him as often as possible. Me not letting him touch me or me touch him is very unusual and has never happened before. He showered last night and this morning but it is still not enough for me to get over it. "

OP deleted post... NEXT!

Guess they only want advice they agree with.. not happening here!

" It was in a club, so again I am not being judgemental. What I find disgusting someone else may not find the same. "

Wait, what? How does the location have bearing on if it was judgemental or not?

Just accept that it is judgmental, there is nothing wrong with that. Most people are lying when they say they aren't judgmental... don't be like them.

Wow serious help needed here.. !

We have heard it all.. its swinging and nothing shocks us anymore!

So guess its on you.. but dont come to forums without explaining the full story and expect anyone to give the appropriate advice.. doesn't work that way in life!

But good luck.. hope it works out as no one gets out alive!!!

"But seriously in all of swinging experience noone was ever disgusted and not wanted to be with their partner?"

It's certainly never happened for me. I'm sometimes curious about my partner's choice of play partners, but disgust? No. And if it ever did occur, I'd look inside rather than at my partner.

Ok lets hear what did the woman do that was sooo gross

"I will start by saying I am a very picky person..."

"I was totally grossed out as it was someone I would never choose to be with my man."

Is it possible you think being a very picky person is significantly better - more moral, smarter, whatever comprises "better" for you - and are having feelings because your husband's lack of pickiness (the essence of sticking your dick into a gloryhole) makes him less than ideal and reflects poorly on you, to the point of negating your pickiness high ground?

Sounds as if you may have some insecurity issues to work out.

If you were that worried, why didn't you just have him go in the bathroom and clean up. I am guessing he just got his cock sucked.