Discussing STD testing with new couples?

We don't ask other couples about STD tests & can't ever recall being asked. As a routine we ask our Dr. to include a full panel whenever we go for other bloodwork. We prefer bare back and are selective. Foolproof? No, but never had an issue in all the years we've been swinging. We also play with condoms when requested. Another poster essentially summed it up earlier in this thread; perhaps folks should reconsider the idea of swinging if it's that much of a concern.

OHC: Because you prefer bareback and don’t require it, so they assume you are open to “safe” play.

~Allen

It's written in our profile that we prefer bareback and that we're tested too but we still get messaged by couples and a few single men that they're safe sex only. That's cool and we understand but bruh... why even message us then??

The wife and I don't bother with requesting std tests. The really scary stuff is extremely rare in heterosexual couples and we vet our play partners fairly well by just meeting them a few times before we agree to play. Most couples who are really promiscuous will tell you all you need to know if you ask the right questions. We look for people who also take their time to pick the right people and don't just fuck everything that sends them a message on here.

Is it a foolproof method? Of course not but neither is any form of std prevention. In 12 years of swinging we've never had a problem with std's

“ Let's say you are talking to a person who just last weekend swapped. Would they not be a viable couple in your view?”

It’s not without flaws.

~Allen

OP, I'm curious what sort of panel you'd expect a person to have taken, and when in relation to their last sexual encounter outside the relationship. I ask because some of the more nasty STDs have incubation periods that can be multiple months.

Let's say you are talking to a person who just last weekend swapped. Would they not be a viable couple in your view?

We did before the big 3 happened; the pandemic, Mrs. 888’s 3 spinal surgeries (metal rods, bone grafting and fusion) along with my, 8 in 2 years so far, maxillofacial surgeries for corrective and reconstructive bone grafting with metal plates.

Before those events took place, we carried the most recent results on our phones, which surprised most couples that asked. Most didn’t care.

~Allen

Well said Town... from Naples !

Over 25 years swinging and yes we are cautious as we can be ...if you are that afraid or paranoid.. dont swing.. !

Foreverfun, this is almost impossible to do you must remember couples will play whenever they get the chance do you honestly think that they're going to give you on updated STD test?? I think not! With my experience and what I've been taught by older 70's and 80's swingers is basically you have to know and watch who you are with sexually remember people will venture out of your circle and in other Circles per se also don't forget you are kissing licking giving oral maybe swapping 100% sure way it's to wrap yourself in cellophane if you are afraid of the lifestyle you should not be in it...

We have it in our profile and lead with it pretty early in chatting. We will only play with couples that have had recent test results and just as importantly feel the same was as we do. Test results are only as good as your last partner so we want partners that are as concerned as we are.

We met a couple recently that said they’d be willing to get tested to hook up with us and then procced to tell us about the dozen people they fucked in the past 2 weeks. That’s cool and all but not our cup of tea.

Very early on for us with what would have been our first couple. They understood our concerns agreed with them, swore they were recently tested so we agreed to meet up. We actually connected so well with them we made our first meet up a trip out of town together. After A LOT of drinks as we were getting ready to head back to our rooms they admitted they had never been tested. After that we now show up with our latest results and expect anyone we meet to do the same.

and they are only good as your last 'play".. so you take a test every week or month.. good luck on that one

we prefer our method and it has worked well over 25 years.. but yes you keep believing what you believe!

Many people in the general public have HPV and HSV. Due to high sexual activity with multiple partners, I am speculating that swingers have more people with those viruses than the general public. I can also say that the benefits of condoms for these STIs is hit or miss. Beneficial but far from reliable.

Playing in the lifestyle is like Russian roulette. If you are ok with that and you are not bothered by HPV and HSV, go ahead. Many are young enough to get the HPV vaccine ( up to 45).

@Onehour

Please do not take this as trying to be confrontational at all. Please do take this as me trying to get you to use your brain and think things through instead of quoting cliches as if they are gospel.

You stated that people should have a HIV test. And implied it should be often. Why?

Here are some facts. Before I go into that, please do not believe a word I say! Please, go to the CDC, go to NHS (UK), go to scientists and read. All I am doing is basically repackaging what they state. Now with that disclosure, these are facts that are quantifiable. These are not qualifiable. So this means peace of mind is something that can't be qualified.

There are approximately 1.2 mm known and unknown cases of HIV in the US. Yes, they publish the number as both people who have tested positive and a number of people that they think have it and do not know they have it. IIRC the number that has it and does not know is approximately 250k. Each year there are about 35-40k new HIV cases. It has stayed in this range for a decade or so. Now start looking at a few things and you might rethink your position on this.

What are the transmission types and demographics of the person? IIRC M2M and IV drug use account for more than 80% of the transmission. If we put new cases at 40k a year, unless you are sharing needles or receiving anal from a male who is HIV positive, you just wiped out 32k of those transmissions. Now you have 8k people a year. Start looking at locations. Nearly half of all new HIV cases are in the South. Nearly 70% (I think I am wrong here, it may be lower and I am going off memory) are black. I forgot the rate of people under 40, but it was probably in the ~70% range.

What does this all mean?

Let's start taking out people who know they have HIV. The chances of them fucking you without telling you, while possible, is highly improbable. There are laws on the books that are very punitive. So we have roughly 250k people in the US that you have to worry about. Now if you exclude bi/gay males and IV drug users, regardless of race, you have a pool of roughly 50k people in the US. Now if you assume that follows the age demo and is spread across it correctly, well, if you exclude under 40s you are now down to roughly 15k people in the US.

What are the chances that of the ~15k people across the US that they in the lifestyle and unknown and you meet them and fuck them and have HIV pass? I bring the last part up because of how HIV is transmitted. It is EXTREMELY rare for a female to get HIV from an HIV+ male via vaginal intercourse. And by rare, I mean like 5 times rare. Nearly all of the transmissions from male to female are anal. And an HIV+ female giving it to a male, the CDC doesn't even track it because it is nearly impossible for that to happen.

By no means am I promoting the usage of condoms or the nonusage of condoms. I am promoting one thing: do the research to educate yourself and make a decision that you are comfortable with.

We got gonorrhea back in 02 wearing condoms. That sent us on a mission to learn a LOT about how STDs are transmitted and cured.

Good luck with what you choose and hope you find what works for you.

Oh yeah, for us, we get STD tests once a year when we get our physical. It is the type that they call if there is an issue and don't call if there isn't. We have yet to get a call.

One hour: If you haven’t already, you kind folk may want to include that in your profile. It also may help weed out some; in addition to the aforementioned, you kind folk may want to specify which panel test results are qualifiers for you two, 5,7,9,10,12,15 etc?

~Allen

The wife prefers bareback so we're selective, won't play with drug users too. Here on SLS we are asking for recent STD tests, especially from the single males.

I'm shocked by recent chats some hadn't had a STD test, especially HIV, in years! If there is one test you should get while in the lifestyle, its HIV.

We are vaccinated against the strains most likely to cause cervical cancer.

About the stigma....I agree. If people were more concerned and better educated themselves, certain STD's would not be likened to leprosy and I would hope that education would also mean more of an effort to prevent transmission.

A one dose vaccination for HIV would be a game changer. Going to have to see where the pharmaceutical companies go with that one.

@Forever

Just a quick note of clarification. You are not vaccinated for HPV. You are vccinated for a few strains of HPV. There is also no test for males for HPV.

I would also like to point out something that seems to be missing from the discussion. It is the stigma associated with STDs. It is as if someone had gonorrhea that they are now lepers and should be on their own colony. That is far from the truth. Gonorrhea is treated by a z-pack and you are cured within a week. HPV, unless it is those few strains, means nothing. Etc.

And this, I think is going to change the game for a lot of people. I think in the upcoming decade there will be a one shot HIV antiviral treatment. The treatment will lower the HIV load to the point where it is not transmittable. They are close to having this shot ready. I think that will change a LOT of attitudes.

eroticamazon- Don't worry about bursting our bubbles, you didn't. The rates of Herpes I've seen reported recently are actually MUCH higher than 1:8. lol I'll refer you back to the CDC as well to educate yourself. Look specifically at the 2018 article on 2015-2016 studies. There's plenty of others but start there. And when it comes to HPV, hopefully this doesn't turn into the purse-swinging clusterfuck that another thread did on the topic, but we're both vaccinated. Going a step further, we also utilize a PrEP regiment. As has been said multiple times, nothing is a guarantee, but on a medical level we've done what we can.

Your reply, and all the others have been helpful. It shows us that, when it comes to STD's and general sexual health (as with most things in the LS) there is a variety of attitudes and approaches. But now others can specifically see that and educate themselves vs. before the sample was shared here looking specifically at dialogue. I know there are those that would agree there is far more the LS community could do to reduce transmission, and we've seen pockets of advocacy even within profiles. It's really just a matter of what importance the community as a whole places on the issue. Ultimately it's up to individuals to take whatever precautions they feel necessary to protect while enjoying themselves....whether that includes direct discussion or not.

@OP: Do you like what you’ve been told so far?

:rhetorical:

~Allen

@Forever

May I make a very simple suggestion. Do not get into the lifestyle. Your posts have been showing a lot of reasons why you DON"T want to have sex with others instead of reasons you want to have sex with other. Once you get to the drive to have being higher, then re-consider.

If you are worried about herpes, let me bust your bubble: Chances are one of you already have it. The rate of infection in the under 49 crowd is nearly 13%. So basically, 1 out of 8. There are two of you. :)

If you are worried about HPV, again, let me bust your bubble. There is a MUCH higher chance that you have it or will get it during your lifetime.

If you really want to learn more, go to the CDC site and try and read it objectively and critically.

As you asked about discussing with new couples . . .

We have been in the lifestyle for over 25 years. During that time I think we were asked ONCE or maybe TWICE about our STD testing during this time frame. We have asked zero times. Why? People will and can lie.

For us, we test for the four panel std test every year during our physical. It is the type that if there is something wrong, they call us. We have yet to be called.

For us, in our time in the lifestyle, we got gonorrhea in 2001/2002 time frame. That turned us on to get a lot more educated about what condoms do and don't do as we were using condoms then.

I will state though that you are more apt to get a cold or sore throat from fucking others than anything else.

we have found when we offer or show our recent test results, the other person/couple either show theirs right away or dont have any which is most of the time. condoms pretty much take care of the scariest STD's but not all of them. Its also scary to know most STD's dont necessarily have warning signs so its almost useless to ask for test results unless they are VERY recent

I do test regularly and regularly ask people about their testing. But regularly is not the same as all the time. In groups, I don't stop things to ask when was the last time someone tested, but I also don't do oral when I don't already know the answer to that question. Still a risk, which is probably why I mostly don't do group scenes anymore.

But everyone else? I want their test results to be within the past few months or for them to go in.

The plural of anecdote is not data, bit since you asked: we always ask about safe sex practices and testing (we like the STARS acronym to remember). We seem to be typical(?) in that we always use condoms for penetration but not for oral (and also we kiss without dental dams!) understanding that these choices (like all the non-abstinence choices, to one degree or another) involve some risk. No playmates have asked us for condoms/dams for oral sex so far, and of course we don’t know what might have happened if we’d asked anyone to skip condoms.

With those creds, my hope would be that you've been right more than you've been wrong. If so, using the skills you have has obviously helped your odds. That's all we're talking about helping to minimize/reduce the risk through open and direct communication and using good judgement. No realistic way of eliminating it.

Still curious to see other replies on how people treat dialogue about testing/sexual health in the LS.

Nothing is 100% fool proof. But experience and being able to read people helps here. This is what I thought you were getting at earlier with in person vs. texting. So can/do people lie? Absolutely! Do their eye movements, breathing, voice fluctuations, emotional expression, etc. indicate truthfulness vs. deception? Yup. The radar isn't on all the time but when it comes to dialogue about safety it's cranked up to 11.