Discussing STD testing with new couples?

I ask prior to meeting if they test and when their last test was done and insist on condoms for penetration.
I have no intention on even meeting with anyone that doesn't test on a regular basis and agree to condom use - it would be a waste of time all around. (Profile states condoms are a must)

If met up with someone and found out they didn't test and refused to use condoms that meeting wouldn't last longer than it takes to find out that information.
"It was nice meeting you but I'm not comfortable with what you are telling me, we are looking for different things so I am going to leave."
Then block them when I get home.

azcouple- "Forever are you saying that having the discussion about testing with potential partners is more important than seeing actual test results? "

No, not at all. While somewhat awkward bordering on mood-killing....carrying around weekly/monthly test results just isn't realistic. I do think there needs to be MUCH more advocating for testing in the LS as it is in other sexual communities. In the LS, I get the impression is just not a concern because of the risk everyone acknowledges accepting.

What you said makes a lot of sense and is how we've been approaching it. But also, having direct discussion about it was helpful to...especially to see the response, this weekend for example. It showed us that maintaining good sexual health wasn't remotely on the radar.

And from professional experience, I totally agree on the Herpes!! That is my number one concern based on the responses I've seen from those infected that still play when not having an outbreak.

Who's to say where we'll be on the issue a year or twenty from now. We are just trying to gauge where others in the forum at at with it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective!!

Forever are you saying that having the discussion about testing with potential partners is more important than seeing actual test results? I'm not dinging you if that's the case as getting a feeling for how people react is important I'm just not sure how well that strategy will work in actually making you safer in general from STD's.

We have been in the lifestyle for many years and play by the same rules as majority here which means condoms for penetration but no protection for oral. While we do do that, we aren't fooled into thinking we are magically safe from STD's in that a lot can be passed with just mouths and fingers going back and forth. Our main STD avoidance technique is getting to know the people we are considering getting into bed with. We avoid people where we would be just another notch or those who are regularly having sex with multiple other couples or regularly attend parties or clubs. We tend to try to find a couple to be exclusive with for awhile and make sure the lifestyle they live in and out of the bedroom poses the least risk for us. There are a lot of those types of couples around and they are typically worth the wait.

Keep in mind that the most feared STD outside of AIDS for most here is herpes and that isn't included in the standard STD screening panel. Obviously you have to do what works best for you and best of luck out there.

Who was that masked couple?

As we said, we feel the dialogue about testing (as well as having all our shots/meds) is mitigating. And we accept that. But a couple that's been in the lifestyle for years without ever having been tested, that doesn't work for us.

I've worked with a multitude of LS couples professionally. Some go out of their way to be as healthy as possible which is great. But what really concerns me is others that talk about having various STD's (usually Herpes) and then still play. Since those discussions have taken place in person, yes, in person is far more effective as various personality traits and body language helps to reveal who a person is...which adds to the mitigation, vs. IM'ing.

We met a new couple for drinks last night. Our personalities really weren't a match. However, we asked about their experience with STD testing and they said they had never done it. That was a deal breaker for us.

Now we're completely new...cherries still in tact...and maybe after 10-20 years of it, we'll be comfortable joining in random orgies with strangers. But at this point and for the foreseeable future we're trying what we can to mitigate the risks, while still accepting there's no way of eliminating them and accept that.

We were more comfortable talking about it in person because it gave us a chance to see their true response vs. messaging/etc. So we'll continue that.

How common is dialogue about STD's for everyone else? Thanks!