Telling everyone's families about it

It does apply to everything.

Humans are inherently dysfunctional.

Why should poly be any different than any other human activity?

That could apply to just about anything though. “Driving is great until you have a wreck and die.”

There are people who have polycules that have lasted longer than a lot of marriages. When you factor out “serial monogamists” who have multiple marriages and divorces, 40% of marriages end in divorce. That’s 2 out of every 5 first marriage ending in divorce. The average marriage in the US lasts less than 20 years. That’s the average!

Polyamory is just like life.

It can be great while it is happening. And sometimes not.

And it never ends well.

“… it is portrayed in the media as something that never ends well.”

It’s portrayed right here on the forums as something that doesn’t end well.

I don't know if swinging will ever become mainstream, even though it makes so much sense from a strictly logical point of view. I do feel like it has at least moved a little more in the mainstream direction, at least in certain parts of the US.

It is interesting how fascinated vanillas are with swinging though, even if they don't plan to partake in it. It certainly doesn't help that most times it is portrayed in the media as something that never ends well.

It's one of the ironic things about ethical non-monogamy—whether it's polyamory, swinging, FWB, monogamish, or swinging—is that people are way less tolerant of it than they are of unethical non-monogamy i.e. straight up infidelity. If you cheat in a relationship, that's still considered to be transgressive, but it's "mainstream" transgression. ENM is transgressive against SOCIETAL norms, not one's relationship. And anything that transgresses against societal norms is seen as way more dangerous. You can cheat and you might lose your marriage or relationship, but you don't get shunned in the same way you do when you unrepentantly break the rules of monogamous society.

Mr & Mrs Jones did a show on We Gotta Thing about how to deal with the fallout WHEN you get outed as non-monogamous. Because if you're in the lifestyle long enough, eventually someone is likely to find out. So you need a plan, if you don't tell people in your life right up front, for how you're going to handle being outed.

we listen to Multiamory amory too.

“ Does anyone listen to the podcast called "normalizing nonmongamy?"”

Yes. Fin and Emma are great. It’s a good podcast for just general interpersonal communication, but especially poly & Lifestyle issues.

Multiamory is good too. The hosts are Jayce, Emily and Dedeker.

candidly I don't care what anyone in my family thinks of my relationships. I'm not in them for my family. I also don't feel the need to share my intimate life with people I'm not intimate with.

I see no reason to tell anyone unless you want to be involved with them somehow. My family does not need to know any of my business.

listen to a POD cast called Normalizing nonmonagomy

I'll answer here...

This was the late 90s. Had a roommate move in to an extra room in our house. After a couple of months, my wife at the time was attracted to the woman, and started a sexual relationship. They brought me into the sexual relationship shortly afterwards.

The relationship lasted about 3 years until the wife decided she was not happy with a husband and girlfriend and wanted a boyfriend too. She left to be with the boyfriend, and the "other" woman and I stayed together. It's been 25 years now...

Ask any questions you would like.

To all who have or is in a relationship as this, would you drop me a message and tell us about how you approached the third person about joining the family? Please send your replies to my profile address. We are considering this move but don't want to mess up. Thanks.

No, but we are looking for it

Does anyone remember a TV show called "You Me Her"?

Does anyone listen to the podcast called "normalizing nonmongamy?"

Because if you are truly poly, it's abhorrent to treat someone you supposedly love as an option or something that needs to be closeted.

This might not be quite the same, but I (Jessica) lived with an older couple for a little while. They were very open about it. Their friends and family visited occasionally. Right away, I was introduced as their girlfriend. It was weird at first because I would never tell my family, but after the initial awkward phase, it was nice and relaxing. Eventually I moved out, but I did really enjoy that situation.

"The only reason I can see in telling someone is that maybe you feel such a heavy burden of guilt, that you need to unburden yourself."

Huh. That's a pretty limited way to look at the world, because I can think of a good half dozen reasons without trying. In my case, that I'm non-monogamous and open about it has led to some interesting discussions with my kids and niece as well as with friends and other relatives. It has occasionally been useful for people who struggle to define their preferred relationship models. So, basically, rather than it being the result of guilt, it's that I think nonmonogamy is normal and doesn't need to be hidden.

I don't share the details of how it works for me, other than the readily apparent, which is long term connections with people who have partners.

For a live in poly situation, that may be one thing. As for just swinging, that is really nobody else's business.

FWIW - We have helped out female friends that had a rough patch and we let them stay with us for up to a couple years. We were vanilla at the time, so it wasn't a lie and it really was only a place to stay until they could get their feet back under them. One case was a cousin that jumped into an abusive relationship/marriage. The other was a friend who's husband died of cancer and really didn't want to live alone in an apartment where they both lived briefly

For a while we were a home for wayward people, so having people living with us was kind of a norm.

Maybe telling family would explain why another person is always with you. Everyone has their own reasons.

WOW why the need to tell anyone? Are they going to provide a more exciting sex life or better level of comfort for us, if they know? The only reason I can see in telling someone is that maybe you feel such a heavy burden of guilt, that you need to unburden yourself. Maybe it will give you some special thrill for others to know you are in the lifestyle, personally I get no satisfaction from telling my kids, or anyone else close to me.

I know this is an older post, but it was very relieving to be open and honest with our oldest son who is 21. He totally understood and told me some things I didn't know about him. He is aware of us seeing another couple. We're actually almost 2 months in with them and very happy. They seem to be a well and it seems we may be looking into going long term. We have debated telling our parents but have not acted on it as of yet. We do have some close friends who are aware of our being in the lifestyle and have been for years.

Of my 3 adult kids, I've only discussed it with the two younger (28 and 30), my daughters. My son doesn't even want to hear we've been to our local nudist resort, so for his comfort, I don't say anything about other activities. As someone said, it's none of his business and I'll just mention outings with friends, sincce we all have those.
I first told my older daughter kind of on accident when I said Hubby and I had a date. She asked, "With another couple?!" I didn't expect her to pick up on it, and couldn't back peddle my way out.
Oh well, both my girls are, uhm, MY girls: mostly monogamous and mostly straight.
My step-dad and father don't know, and I haven't told them we're members at a nudist resort, and they won't want to know. It's not important that they do, so again, I want them to be comfortable. Everyone knows we have friends who live at a resort, so that's all we say and they can do what they want with it.