Lying

Well, a couple of things you said there, can't quite relate. We all draw from our own unique experiences and do what works for us. Game on. :)

@cal...During the initial "online" get to know each other..We are not looking for Red Flags..Pictures exchange happens first..(only once did people who did not match pictures turn up, his wife was irate at that) we politely left...Phone verification is the last step prior to meeting...We don’t really care if its a married guy wanting to hook up, if he checks all her boxes...but just this week a guy reached out, after days of messaging he asked to meet for a drink..we agreed..after several days of silence..he had a commom excuse..so he is done

FYI...no single guys ever invited to our house..we have had stalkers and drive by's....usually once we say you host or provide a room they disappear..When asked they say they either have a roommate or some credit card issue...some have been honest and said their wife woukd see credit card bill

I didn't say verification, specifically. My point was more along the lines of an ability or lack there of to spot red flags. There are other reasons for phone calls than just verification of authenticity, such as testing sapiosexual attraction. Regarding "verification", in our own way, we all do so in the context of interest in and validity of a profile. For example, wanting to see photos. Some people are just not as good as others at spotting red flags where they exist. I don't need MTV to tell me that much. Others might.

Calcan..if you ask for phone verification with the women speaking..you are neither trusting or naive regardless of what MTV says to you

You only need to watch a few episodes of MTV's Catfish to know how common and easy it is to dupe with fake profiles and voice apps. These people prey on the trusting and naive out there.

@ed...i agree these things are made for pervs to hide behind...adds to the lying...but it seems I hit a nerve with many here

That was back in like 03-04 for us. Definitely easier now to disguise voices

Even talking on the phone isnt foolproof as there are apps out there that can alter one's voice to sound like somebody else (if they are willung to shell out the money for it)

Years ago my ex-wife and I were talking to a "couple" and something didn't smell right so we asked for a phone call with both of them and it was clearly a single dude trying to pass himself off. It was so funny

Are you sure it wasn't Elizabeth Holmes?

@travelers...never heard the guys voice...just the make believe voice....we are okay with honest singke guys...why all the lying is the question

"on three occassions we had guys try using a fake voice"

I have this mental image of some guy talking in a deep voice "hi I'm Fred", then in his high pitch "hi I'm Wilma". Wow, that is hilarious that ANYONE could think they could pull that off, let alone three.

Well said, Melvin.

Ok, time to channel my inner Dr. Phil:

I see countless complaints about suspected single males posing as couples and those that have been 'outed' as a single male posing as a couple. It is a shame that this happens, as it shows that the single male portraying as a couple is trying whatever means to get in to the pants of a coupled woman or single woman. I also see countless complaints of guys that are 'coupled,' but are playing as a single male, that have not been verified as having an open relationship with his significant other. This is also a shame that 'cheating men' happens, as it shows one reason or many reasons, that he is not happy in his relationship. These two things, plus other things of their own action, is why single men in the lifestyle get such a bad rap and get blackballed in the lifestyle. It is those things that single men do that make it really difficult for the genuine single men in the lifestyle to achieve success.

In regards to single men as a whole in the lifestyle, some join for the honest family-like culture and some join to just get their willy wet when they are unsuccessful in their own dating life. 'At-first assumed' single men join the lifestyle, as they are unhappy in their relationship with their partner, but refuse to fix their situation with their partner first or walk away from that relationship and start fresh.

Not to make things about me, but only in my own defense and as an example that other single guys could follow: Things in my vanilla life have been rocky from September 2016 up to July 2022, but have been a slow progression forward in self-betterment during that time. From there, a life-changing event happened for me in July 2022 and I have done a 180 degree turn for the better, health-wise. It is because of those efforts and the life-changing event, that I have thrown away all that is a disservice, walked away from toxic people and have made better employment choices. I was able to do this, because of the desire to better myself and started in infancy with self-improvements in June 2003 and have been moving forward from there. Things fell in to place one by one, as whatever God, supreme being, Force, whatever, deemed that I was ready for and could handle. So, an almost twenty year process to get to where I am today and I am far from being done.

If the single men in the lifestyle choose to fix their own vanilla life first, then they will eventually see success in the lifestyle and no longer be a 'liar.' They themselves have to 'do the work' to get to the place they want to be. They will continue to fail in the lifestyle, until they choose to fix their own vanilla life.

Its our experience most on SLS are not couples, only males acting out...if their wives knew...well you know the rest...We ususally require phone contact first with the women speaking..almost 85 percent of the time it won't happen..on three occassions we had guys try using a fake voice...may not be your experience here, has been ours

If it walks like a duck... Not proof positive, Wayne, no. But the odds are pretty high in our experience that the profile is a couples profile without any knowledge of or support of the other half. And in those cases, yes, dishonest/fake.

<p>"<span style="color:rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:tahoma,verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:14px">Love when we come across exceptionally bad liars. "Couple" profile post in Hot Date for later this week says it's only him available for the night. No certs. And the profile hasn't been online (according to the site) for 136 DAYS. lol"</span></p>

<p><span style="color:rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:tahoma,verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:14px">Nothing in the above statement indicates any lying. Some couples participate separately. Some people don't believe in the philosophy of the certification system and do not use it. You can enter a Hot Date up to almost 3 years in advance, so the profile must have posted it 136 days or longer ago.</span></p>

Love when we come across exceptionally bad liars. "Couple" profile post in Hot Date for later this week says it's only him available for the night. No certs. And the profile hasn't been online (according to the site) for 136 DAYS. lol

"My issue is those that respond to say they are not interested in single males, but yet directly contradict what they have told me, with their own actions of encounters with single males from that future point of telling me they were not interested in single males. Right there is their 'lie' and I notate as such on their profile."

This right here is why we (usually) don't do certs. Some guys (couples, too, sometimes) get angry/bitter when you decline their offer but meet someone else.

We aren't actively seeking out anything right now and have said that for the last 2 years because of Mrs. CA's cancer. However, if we hit it off, if she is comfortable and if she is feeling up to it, we'll see what happens. This doesn't mean we are lying. For us it means the perfect person/people came alone at the right time.

One must alway take into account their alcohol intake especially at house parties and bars.

Ordinarily yes but this time no.

It still pains me to think about. Lol

2outdoorlovers, was she a total bombshell at 2 am. Remember the old saying a 2 at 10 and a 10 at 2. Remember years ago I saw my brother in the early evening at a bar with a couple of his buddies. They were laughing about a gal they knew at the bar, she was fugly.

The next day I went over to his place at around noon. He was still in bed. I asked if he was alright. He said no as he had chewed his arm off to get out of bed very early that morning. I asked why. He said remember the fugly chick at the bar. I said yes. He said that is why he had to chew his arm off, a 2 at 10 and a 10 at 2.

One must alway take into account their alcohol intake especially at house parties and bars.

You're making my liver hurt.

And you don't get the beer equivalent of whiskey dick? Impressive.

Oh don't be to awfully impressed. I've had one to/too many on several occasions. Fortunately there are pharmaceutical aids for the middle aged, beer drinking club of America, which I am president of.

Most of the few times my taste for beer has shot me in the dick, I can just say "oh well". Shit happens. But one time about 5 years back I was overly enjoying an evening and completely fucked up an opportunity with a gal that was a "FUCKING BOMBSHELL".

I was about 49 and she was a 21 year old centerfold caliber hotty! She was so far out of my league it was crazy and I went and drank myself to a limpy.

I still weep when I think about it.

And you don't get the beer equivalent of whiskey dick? Impressive.

People can't win. There are countless complaint that people don't respond to messages. And then there are complaints that a compassionate white lie is also wrong and terrible, etc.

How about instead of complaining endlessly about what other people do or don't do, we all just agree to be the best versions of ourselves as possible and leave other people to do the same, in all their imperfectness.

As someone who has fended off a couple near-violent objections to my "thanks, but I'm not interested" responses to invitations, I totally get why people either don't respond or tell comforting lies.

there is a woman that for the last five years and 20 parties did nothing for me, but that night, wow, something happened and I am interested.

That's usually somewhere between 10 and 12.

Beers.... not o'clocks... Although they generally do run somewhat simultaneously.