Wife was in

@Colohotcouple - When we first started, the thought of what "could" happen was already adding spice to our relationship. This was before we even met anyone at all. It sounds like that's where you guys are.

When we finally got to meet people and found couples we clicked with, the "could happen" thing became more real and talking about it when we played was even hottter. Our first party was a Meet & Greet only, but we were still nervous as hell.

That first party did a few things. It showed us that most swingers don't look or act any different than anyone else. Regular norml people actually do this. While this may seem obvious, it was kind of a revelation back then. It also gave a chance to talk to others and learn from them and get to feel more comfortable in and about the lifestyle.

I'm not sure any amount of online time would have gotten us there. The Mrs is more of an in person social type, other than maybe Facebook. By talking about this a lot both together and with other swingers, we eventually got there. Once we did, it was like the flood gates opened, but it was very much just a trickle for what seemed like the longest time. Had we relied on online interaction only, it would have likely been a VERY long time to get where we are now.

From AR : “ This forum is worse than a mental hospital.”

Please keep in mind, the source is a flat-earth, anti-vaxxer, conspiracy theorist, doomsday prepper, and any of these facts should be enough to automatically void the previously shared conventional wisdom.

By all means, ignore the advice offered here and drag your reluctant wife to a club, house party, or hotel takeover, because less communication and more action are definitely more sane next steps.

BT

"You are on a razor’s edge. The conventional wisdom in the fora is that people, especially men, should not push their wives to get involved in the lifestyle."

The conventional wisdom in the fora is so deeply tragically fucked on so many levels, and on so many topics that it is best ignored entirely.

SLS is a great website, but for some reason the most flawed, shitty members of it have collected on this joke of a forum.

If you're new, and want good advice from real swingers, use the site to find events, go there, meet real people, and ask them. This forum is worse than a mental hospital.

Colo, obviously you couldn't have asked the question without the profile. However, you shouldn't have put one up without her input. Not just an "OK" to put up an empty profile to ask questions... Rather, her sitting down with you and helping write it. Then the two of you ask questions and respond together. The suggestion to get out and meet real non-virtual swingers is gold. Just ask her if she would like to get out and talk to other couples and ladies to get a better feel for things. When you are told that the reason for not taking the dive is not to hurt you then be happy with that answer. It lets you know that there is a solid relationship there not worth throwing away or risking unnecessarily. Move at her pace and if you just play in fantasy land with toys then be happy with that. Don't let your desire for a 3 some or more some wreck her emotionally. We have seen it happen first hand. Just be very careful.

"...it turns out that her reluctance was based on her fear that it would change our relationship; that I would see her differently, somehow cheapen her in my eyes."

And that, right there, is the biggest curb to women's sexual expression and the tallest hurdle we have to get over in order to fully embrace what we want. It's so deeply ingrained that not all of us even know it's there. Even if we do know, being completely open is still something of a challenge. And not all men appreciate seeing women throttle up to eighth gear, which is its own challenge.

So, if you really want to do this, you have to do some work. Lots of conversation and lots of reassurance.

For a lot of women this is a big decision and it involves more than just deciding if they want to have sex with another man.

She needs time to work through any concerns that arise and your patience as you support her in working through each one of them.

She might have concerns about your play time being "discovered" or separating emotional monogamy from physical monogamy.

A suggestion - until she has worked through the barriers and decided whether she wants to proceed - the two of you might consider enjoying some fun bedroom role playing! It could help both of you work through some of those concerns too!

Good luck to both of you whatever path you take.

Colohot,

Don’t beat yourself up about typos and errors. Every one struggles with online communication, and it’s especially difficult here on SLS.

The razors edge, boy is that what I feel like you couldn’t have put it better.

She is 51 and I’m 60 in may so sorry type o thank you for the advice so far. I suck at this online stuff I really struggle.

Colohot,

You are on a razor’s edge. The conventional wisdom in the fora is that people, especially men, should not push their wives to get involved in the lifestyle.

However, some people want a little nudge. Only you can judge whether a little nudge will ruin your marriage or allow your wife the kind of freedom she’s been dreaming of.

My wife and I had been in the lifestyle for a while, visiting clubs and meeting couples. We then started exploring the idea of her meeting multiple men without me. She was reluctant at first, but it turns out that her reluctance was based on her fear that it would change our relationship; that I would see her differently, somehow cheapen her in my eyes.

When she finally attended a gangbang party without me, she had an amazing time, was used multiple times by multiple men, and subsequently was super horny for weeks afterward.
After lots of thought, she decided she much prefers for me to always be there to provide for her security, but the point is that she would never have opened up to these experiences without a little prodding from me.

Your mileage may vary. Tread lightly.

FlipFlops... the downside of me not being able to view their profile...

BT

I think the best thing you can do is keep talking to her. More talk is only going to help. Don't push as much as try to figure out why she feels this way. Is it possibly an excuse for cold feet ?

Considering you joined the site a few weeks ago when you were 59, and in this thread you say you’re 60, I’d say a big happy birthday is in order! Even more impressive is she was 51 a few weeks ago and now she’s 47! Profile and post both scream fake news, but maybe you just struggle to type what it is you’re thinking. If that’s the case then you have 2 options 1) Give up on thoughts of swinging. 2) Find a new wife.

Good advice thanks. Kinda why I have just let it Lie.

Colo, I could offer advice, both as a SM and as a SM who has previous experience playing as part of a couple, but I’m going to defer to those consistently “coupled” before thinking about adding any color.

I’ll only say that the generally accepted rule is that couples enter into this at the speed of the slower half, and any eagerness expressed on the part of the faster half is often seen as a form of manipulation.

BT

...”I was a Bull in a ski area...”. You were so damn lucky. When I started out, I was a Bull in a China shop...

Okay so the wife and I have get to take the plunge. Haha little about me married 33 years faithful 60 M Straight I have been in the lifestyle. I was a bull in a ski area got invited to lots of playtime growing up in the mountains. Use your imagination here. I’m not a big swinging dick, Average. Had her 47 F straight had a Bull lined up for a threesome. Then she said it.
I feel like i am sinning I want to do it so bad. She just feels like it would be willful sin. But he desire is big for a foursome threesome all of that really turns her on. I have not said a word about it since she told me. Trying not to push. Is the dream over? Advise