LS Lessons I've Learned

Lesson No. 30:

Good or bad, you treat people the way you do because of who you are, not because of who they are.

That applies to everyone, everywhere, every time.

If you're a single who met a couple and you felt treated as though you had nothing of value, don't be offended. Be thankful that they were so careless as to reveal themselves with no effort needed on your part. Still pick up the tab and leave with your character in tack.

If you are a couple who met a single who acted as though they are honoring you past description with their presence alone, refer to the above. Still pick up the tab and leave with your character in tack.

If you are man or woman and believe that you brought anything to the party but yourself....just leave. Your character is already beyond redemption. ;^D

Tramp

Thanks. I'll be here all week. ;^D

Tramp

Tramp, you are so correct. The last thing any woman on here wants to do is to let her cat get burned.

Lol. Very true.

Tramp

I literally saw a cat do that before I could stop it. The cat had jumped up there hundreds of times before, but not once after ;-)

Lesson No. 29:

A cat will only sit on a hot stove once. After that, a cat won't sit on a cold one either. The same thing applies to women.

You need to understand that many of the women here have found the stoves they chose to sit on to be very hot, and not in a good way.

Because of this they tend to suspect that same unpleasant experience from you as well.

Why, you ask? Because, you make yourself look just like the last ten hot stoves they came across.

The trick for you is not to try and convince all the wominz that you're not another hot stove. The trick is for you to stop making yourself look like a damn stove in the first place.

Tramp

Not at all, mam. It's all good. ;^D

Tramp

Should we consider a threat for LS Lessons and a thread to discuss the LS Lessons so we don't jam up the LS Lessons thread with discussion?

re:Fokkers

Ahhh, the two-step approach....lol Gotta love it.

We went from literally slowly (painfully) to our second time in a club jumping into the deep end and going full. It was as the kids say a ‘YOLO’ moment.

Tramp: LOL Fokkers: We very much enjoy kissing now as well

Along the lines of things learned, we've learned the lifestyle is a progression. Ironically the Mrs felt funny about kissing guys when we first started even though it didn't bother me to see it or to kiss other girls. We quickly progressed to a point where that was not an issue.

We progressed from watch and be watched, to soft swap, to full swap, to public room play at parties, and then to group play. Each was something it took some amount of time to kind of wrap our heads around.

Within about the last 6 months or so we got to a point where we could play in separate rooms. Though we didn't think we'd like that, hearing your partner and imagining what is going on turned out to be VERY erotic.

Last thing is separate dates. We're not at a point where we are ready for that and not sure if we ever will, but if there's one thing time has taught us is to never say never.

Lesson No. 28:

One who pinches nipples vigorously at breakfast table is likely to find butt in jam.

Trampfucous

The Kissing Rule, seems to be an understandable newbie issue. We can all thank Julia Roberts and Pretty Woman for that. She though kissing was too intimate. Which when we look at the fact that many newbies have an issue separating intimacy and sex, it makes sense.

Honestly, I think kissing is by far one of the best things about playing.

Re:"If in doubt about something, don’t do it."

That and the communication thing is spot on, however this kissing thing does seem to catch people by surprise. Great if someone can learn from that here, which is kind of the point of this topic ;-)

I can definitely see where someone wouldn't think that a guy that lets his SO have sex with you would be bothered by kissing. Especially so for a newbie.

I think the takeaway from Mayhem and ShePlays is the Communication Corollary.

There is a direct corollary between the amount of communication between a couple and the play partners and drama (i.e. misunderstandings).

The greater the communication, the less the drama risk.

Conversly, the less the communication, the greater the drama risk.

If in doubt about something, don’t do it. You can’t undo what has been done.

QUOTE MAYHEM: "For example, you may not think "kissing" is an issue considering the person you're with may be fine with sex. We have learned otherwise. Got an angry next day email from a couple about how I "crossed a line" with kissing. Mind you, neither one of them said a thing about it before or during."

That struck a cord. MANY years ago (20+), I was in a group thing at FantasyLand in Tampa with guys I mostly knew pretty well. Joe got all into it and intense and just started kissing me. Truly, for me, it felt awkward but hubby and I had never discussed this so I went with it.

Afterwards, it was REALLY clear that my husband was not in a good place in his head ... he wasn't angry or any other childish sort of thing - we both realized that we had found ourselves "off the map" on uncharted grounds and he got hurt.

What we did not do was blame it on Joe ... it was NOT his fault by any stretch of the imagination. We hooked up with Joe many times since and just TALKED ... that resolves so much. Joe said he could feel that it was awkward at the start and apologized ... but Bill said "no" ... a hint of awkwardness that evaporated doesn't make it his fault.

In the end, an awkward situation was nobody's fault, a potentiality that we should have anticipated but didn't.

Mayhem, the point I would make for you though is my husband WAS hurt ... it almost ended the lifestyle for us. If they reacted badly to you, there may have been a lot of emotion behind it.

Our biggest learning's have come from dealing with newbies. They don't know what they don't know, so they aren't even sure what to ask. This is especially true when you are relatively new yourself.

For example, you may not think "kissing" is an issue considering the person you're with may be fine with sex. We have learned otherwise. Got an angry next day email from a couple about how I "crossed a line" with kissing. Mind you, neither one of them said a thing about it before or during.

My very first lesson came from our first swap. Having been monogamous for 29 years it's easy to think people pretty much like the same things. The Mrs likes her nipples pinched in the heat of the moment and one of the first girls I was with went "Ouch!" when I did that. Ooops ;-) Live and learn.

Gist of it is, everyone is different and it's very helpful to ask questions about what people do/don't like before playing based on your learning's about the differences you encounter. Something that sends someone to the O-zone could totally gross someone else out and there's no way to know for sure unless you ask.

Lesson No. 27:

No always means no, but a No today does always mean No for always.

Be of good cheer, as Ms Dejah points out, sometimes a no may be born of circumstances and not you specifically. Allow someone a pathway to graciousness, and you'll avoid an awkward situation for you both. It's what grownups do.

(Thanks Ms Dejah...that was a good one!)

Tramp

Trampdinger's Kitty: Dejah's Dilemma

1. You approach and meet them. You don’t ask them to go play.

1. You ask them a question that isn't exactly the question you're asking: (Its called "diplomacy.")

If we all get a hotel room, will you be going in with us?

Then they have a fair chance to answer without having to reject you directly. After all, you are just asking about the hotel, not about SEX. I had someone ask me this VERY canny question last weekend. I knew, if I wen to the hotel, play would likely follow. However, play or no play, a) I had no money for a hotel room b) my dog was needing me to come home and let her out c) it was getting late and I had more than an hour's drive. It was thoroughly impractical and I didn't know ANY of the people at the M&G, there was NO way I was having sex with ANYONE. That's just not my style.

It was a consummately graceful out. Very VERY socially savvy of the person who was hosting the after party.

Dejah

Lesson No. 4:

(Repost as needed)

Tramp

Lesson #26. Life is dealing with people. this means life is full of bullshit. success is learning how to deal with the bullshit instead of running away from it.

My nineteen year old daughter is dealing with the bullshit of the real world after working in the California's governor's office. She was so disgusted by what she saw that she was going to drop our of politics being her career, and the quest to save her generation being her mission.

I had a long talk and email conversation with her teaching her how to deal and handle the bullshit and be successful and happy in life.

Lesson No. 26:

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Don't be worried about what you don't know. Don't be in a hurry to feel like a pro. Don't be anxious for the newnest to go. Just remember your first Christmas once Santa wasn't so.

Nuff said, but for further details, see Fokkers recent post in the "Lady or Tramp, or Both" thread (Ref. by permission of the Don).

Tramp

Lesson No. 25:

Ahem....Purdy is as Purdy does.

(Refer to FokkerFacts below for detail)

Damn
..

The Pretty People Posse Predictament Paradox

The Pretty People Posse (pronounced: PeePees) Paradox is a precarious predicament. It follows along the 80/20 Rule.

Generally at any club/meet and greet/takeover/house party 20% of the participants will fall into the PPPs.

Of those 20%, they will break out into their own 80/20.

20% of the PPPs will generally play/interact with those that may not be at their ‘number’ level. They base their play/interaction decision on conversation and personality and not necessarily completely on looks alone. Average looks with a sparkling personality and conversation is your in. They can flow from group to group and usually do. They are social butterflies.

80% of the PPPs will only play with those as ‘hot’ as they perceive themselves to be. Of that 80%, 20% will only play/interact with those hotter than themselves. This presents the paradox of while they might be hot, they may not be ‘hot’ enough for others in this grouping. Since they are so hot and only want to play/interact with others as hot or hotter than themselves they usually find themselves with no one to play/interact with.
These are the ones usually showing off their designer outfits, talking about their gym workouts. Only the fittest of the fit will be permitted to approach.

Just because you fall into the PPPs, doesn’t make you a bad or good person. You play/interact with those who you want to. You may just be narrowing your choices down to none.