As to the OP, many times we just ask. Crazy, huh?...lol if with newbies, we tell them what the answer would be but leave it to them to ask the question if/when ready.
As for the age diff thing, that would work out fine for us. The Mrs tends to like 50+ and I have no problem with age so long as there is not an obvious maturity issue. Race is not an issue for either of us
Thanks for the input. Believe me when someone mentions “around the age of my kids” that hits home. My lady knows that she is younger than my oldest but it really doesn’t matter in the big picture. Stuff happens. As for other people having issues, it’s got to be up to them. Age is just a # in so many instances. I guess we should have faked the ages to make people somehow feel better. That didn’t even occur to us.
We’ve made some subtle changes in our profiles but we’ll look to refine some more. We must also not be getting point across about a female partner. We aren’t really looking for “female only”. We have to fix that also.
Cdbisme, you're probably right that both age and race will play a role in the opportunities that are available to you. I'm not going to diminish the difficulties, but I will say every single one of us has to navigate a challenge or three and it still manages to work out if we apply ourselves to the task.
I want to echo the advice to submit to or at least explore Better Profiles and take the advice to heart. If you're looking for single/solo women on line, it's best to bring your A game, because there are few enough of us that we get to be super picky. You might want to try parties or clubs, where the ratio of seeker to sought isn't quite so disadvantageous.
Other than that, on line I'd turn you down, partly for your profile, partly for her age. And yet, one of my playmates is her age, but I didn't ask for ID when we met, so I was reacting to her actual qualities and not thinking she was very close in age to my older child.
Cdbisme,
You are absolutely right to think that there is sometime a race component to your rejections. We've experienced subtle forms of that innumerable times, and have had several blatant incidences, including having people leave when we've shown up at house parties. The good news is that the good far outweighs the bad. As long as someone treats my wife with respect, I really don't care what their preferences are.
As an interracial couple, you will also experience the other side of race bias. You will find many couples who will not play with you because you are white.
You also mention the subject of age bias. Yes, that's going to be a real thing for you. Personally, we would be very reluctant to initiate contact with anyone who is the same age as our children. We've gone there in the past, had a great time, but it's not something we seek out. We know that in general it's easier for us to related to people closer to our age.
Your biggest challenges to success in the lifestyle will be your weak profile, and your stated goals. The profile thing is easy to fix. There are awesome people that will help you with that in the Better Profiles thread. Your goal of wanting to find a single woman is a tougher nut to crack. Its not impossible, but you'd better both bring your "A" game, and lots of practice.
Good luck
Suggestions noted. Thank you. At the time I was having a fit figuring out putting photos on website. I’ll swap profile photo
@Cdbisme, you've been on the site for less than a month. This takes time and it's a lot of work. Trying to find some kind of compatibility and attraction between four people can be difficult. You will probably have better luck meeting people face to face at parties and meet and greets.
We’ve been really discouraged at the reception by the swingers lifestyle. My lady and I have been together for over a year. Yes we have a big spread in age but shit happens. People frown on it. I become to old for some, she’s to young for others. I also think there may be an unsaid race component sometimes. Maybe I’m wrong but so many people say NO or PASS after I send pics of my beautiful chocolate lady. Just a feeling but has to be said. Only 3 couples have really been warm to us. One of them is an all black couple.
"How does one know when a couple is interested?"
In my experience I've found when she's wet and he's hard they're interested.
Now how I get to the point of finding that out is proprietary and thus classified so the rest of this is going to be redacted.
Generally speaking if you can xxxxxxxxx with him while she is xxxxxxxxxx you should be able to ascertain the direction of the xxxxxxxxx which leads you see if they're at all amenable to xxxxxxxx with xxxxxxxxx or xxxxxxxxx. From there their willingness to allow you move forward should be easily discernable.
You're welcome.
Headed to Vegas later this week for some March_Ness. I'm not much of a bettin' man, but I'm hoping that more than odds will be getting laid ;-)
OT: How do you know? Not sure if I can provide anything useful for couples looking for couples, but having been coupled, I do have a couple of suggestions/ideas if you the OP will indulge my ramble for a couple of minutes...
Regardless of whether you're in a vanilla bar or LS club, let go of your fear/self-consciousness/anxiety; You and yours are out to have fun. Don't focus on a particular goal (like meeting and fucking another couple, to put it bluntly), focus purely on having fun with your partner. Expectations most often lead to disappointment.
Leave room for company; If you sit at a table, make it a 4 top. Leave room for people to join you. If at a bar, if possible, position your chairs or yourselves perpendicular to the bar. This will allow others to engage you in conversation. Just another social version of having your arms crossed vs. uncrossed... Sitting at the bar, shoulder to shoulder facing the bartender is a great way to tell people to leave you alone, but too often I see people doing that at LS clubs... Ok...granted, it could be me...
Check out any clubs or Meet and Greets in your area. Network like you're on a job hunt. Seek out other couples who live in your general area and who seem to be (look at Certs/well-developed profiles) more engrained. Reach out, explain that you're new, and ask for advice. As much as this community can be as or more judgmental than the vanilla world, its rare that people won't at least try and provide you with some information and direction. Everyone was new once.
Lastly, have fun. Ideally, you should be having as much fun or more with the person you bring to the dance than you would with strangers. So, don't look at things in terms of success vs failure. Some of the best times I had as a coupled M involved playing with my GF in public view. I'll give her all the credit; She was wonderfully verbal and physical. So, we drew a crowd. People seemed to enjoyed the show, and would often engage us in conversation after the fact, which was...nice.
Good luck OP.
BT
I’d like a piece of Rabbits action
We will take a piece of that action.
;^D
I'd bet you could substitute New Orleans for Vegas and get the same or better result. Please, feel free to prove me wrong ;-)
BT
It seems like every time we go to Las Vegas we get hit on, so it should be one of the easiest places to meet people in our opinion.
I'm taking odds that it was the "...fill in the blank..." comment that got the guy's mind wandering and elevated his blood pressure.
BT
...no, wait... That was me. Why lie?
Be honest Sorillo, we had you at "Hello". :p
And yes, that picture is worth a 1000 looks lol. And to think it was a spur of the moment photo at Beach Bums this summer. We wanted to take a few new pics, grabbed the iPhone, and voila.
She lured me in with that picture
SB
You're just trying to lure me in with the pun-talk.
There's jokes in here about master baiters, whoppers, "thar she blows"...I've not had enough coffee to string them together though, so just fill in the blanks yourselves and credit me for being amazingly pun-tastic this morning.
Saw a T-Shirt today that perfectly sums it up.
"The Secret To Fishing: Fish Where The Fish Are"
"If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain"
Being in Vegas, you shouldn't have any trouble finding playmates if it's anything like Nashville (high tourist traffic). Get a bunch more photos up, flesh out your profile, and just click on anyone with a Hot Date listing when you're in the mood. You're bound to get someone coming on to you.
Who know, we might be trying to get YOUR attention if you do that before our Vegas trip plans actually come to fruition. :D
In Vegas, check out purfect parties. They run meet and greets on the strip where lifestylers gather.
PP is right. You need to ask sometimes. Others they'll ask you.
Be prepared to get a no and just be happy when it's a yes.
U just have to be bold enough to ask them.
We are in Las Vegas.
New to lifestyle and we are trying to figure out how to get a couples attention or spot couples interested in a foursome. Also interested to know if there is bar or restaurant where like minded couples meet to flirt. Any advice is appreciated.
