? For the SM's please

When I initiate contact with a couple, I try to be explicit that I'd like to chat with both people, for a couple of reasons. One, I think it's respectful, since I would be getting together with a couple, not with a woman who just happens to have her husband or SO nearby (well, I guess there are those situations as well, but I think you get my point.) I think that usually online at least I end up chatting with the man, and I've had my share of disappointment when I figure out that he's just speculating. In fact a couple of times I've met couples where he is trying to talk her into things in front of me and it's kind of embarrassing. So yeah, I prefer to be in contact with both, but I'll still meet a couple usually before I've spoken with the lady.

But my other thing that I want to be sure of is that the man is straight and not closeted bi or gay. I'm not homophobic and don't mind incidental contact (and I probably enjoy it some!) but I did once swing with a friend where we met a couple and the husband was just flat out dishonest about being bi; in fact he was fascinated with my cock. The buzzkill in understanding that he was just dishonest was probably greater for me than him being bi. I just don't like being around naked dishonest people.

An initial contact is fine from either with me, just so we all chat at some point so that everyone is on the same page.

I prefer to hear from both! It's best to know the desires, expectations, turn ons, and turn offs of everyone involved.....

Everyone should participate in pre-meeting texts, calls, cam, etc. I have been approached by husbands and after some back and forth it has turned out that the wife is not really on board and the whole thing is husband's fantasy.

I prefer dealing with the female half. Since I am bi and older (64), when the female half initiates contact, it is a very good indicator that the couple is serious and the female half is all in and excited. But 90% of the time it's the male half contacting me, usually on his own, looking for bi mm play without his wife's knowledge or permission. Since I enjoy meeting bi married men 1 on 1 and am not judgmental of cheating spouses, it's another source for male sex partners. As long as he tells me the truth upfront that he is seeking men on his own, I'm OK with it. Most of the time when I am contacted by the female half of a couple, they are a cuckold couple and she is seeking a bi man to play with her and use/humiliate him.

I like dealing with the Mr. but interestingly (if that's a word) it's always been the woman that is leading the desire for MMF. Contrary to your experience, I've enjoyed longer term relationships with some of the couples. It's great to have dinner together or do other activities now and then but I find people sexier when I know them better.

All but one of my "couple" contacts" have been initiated by the male. I have always insisted on talking to the female at least once on the phone for two reasons. 1) To avoid a false setup and just him showing up and wanting a one on one mm play session. With my very first menage a trios, I had to except; when the playing gets hot there is going to be male to male contact. It just happens. DV, foreplay, 69 bonus, fucking missionary and she is sucking the other. There are guys who are closet homosexuals and look for what I guess is a STD free or safe encounter. No way do I want strictly mm. Not my thing. I want a women involved somehow, someway. Her pleasure is going to be my primary focus.
2) I am not a rapist. No way do I want any part of being a principle of an ambush set up. As in: I know the wife will like it. She just needs a little pushing. Yea right! By insisting on talking to the women on setting up our first meeting has filtered out both outcomes.

All but one of my "couple" contacts" have been initiated by the male. I have always insisted on talking to the female at least once on the phone for two reasons. 1) To avoid a false setup and just him showing up and wanting a one on one mm play session. With my very first menage a trios, I had to except; when the playing gets hot there is going to be male to male contact. It just happens. DV, foreplay, 69 bonus, fucking missionary and she is sucking the other. There are guys who are closet homosexuals and look for what I guess is a STD free or safe encounter. No way do I want strictly mm. Not my thing. I want a women involved somehow, someway. Her pleasure is going to be my primary focus.
2) I am not a rapist. No way do I want any part of being a principle of an ambush set up. As in: I know the wife will like it. She just needs a little pushing. Yea right! By insisting on talking to the women on setting up our first meeting has filtered out both outcomes.

However the couple wants to handle the communication is fine with me. Whatever makes them comfortable. Ultimately though, when we meet they both need to be present at the first meeting.

I can't say that it really matters whether an initial conversation is with the husband or wife. Each couple is different. In my experience elsewhere, initial contact is typically with the husband as he is the gate keeper (but this is not always the case). Hopefully they are communicating what they are looking for (which has not always been the case).

When a meeting is scheduled, I prefer to meet them both at that time so that I can be sure we are all on the same page.

I have no preference but most often it starts with the M and if all proceeds well, then the F is brought into the dialog -- before -- a live meeting takes place between all of us. And as I imagine is the case for all of us SM's, I have reached out more often than I have been reached out too.

Initially I prefer to correspond with the male half as a sign and display of respect and courtesy. At some point I do like to have a little contact with the female half just to make sure we're all on the same page and she's cool with things. Have to keep it copacetic ??

I like to talk with all parties involved prior to meeting.

As stated,it's a minefield out there for the SMS also.
(let's take a moment of pity pause for the SMs lol)

Personally,I find it best to speak with all involved,to make sure it's not jut a "him"fantasy,and she is not only aware,but a willing and eager participant.
I prefer a full outline of expectations and roles.

Total honesty is required from all,or its a drama filled shitstorm on the horizon that always ends bad.

Doesn't matter what went wrong,it's always the SMS fault.

If it's just a one and done,SMS are easy to come across,you can almost pre order them like Chinese food from a menu from this site and many others.
If it's going to be an ongoing,trusted playmate,the needs of the SM are also important.

I love playing with couples! I prefer to talk to her first. Since I am straight, most likely she will have the final decision as to whether she wants to play with me. If she and I don't communicate well, what's the point of talking to him or taking it any further? I will need to meet both of them in person in a public setting first before anything physical happens. I am very straightforward and will discuss everything very specifically and openly and want to know what is off limits and what is open territory. Since I am a dominant and very experienced in bondage and discipline, I have to set up specific rules and guidelines as to safe words and limitations. This is especially true for newbies who are curious and this will be her first time. I don't want a potentially highly erotic situation going sour simply because of miscommunication.

Prior to meeting with a new SM I (Him) make sure her know what she likes and doesn't like. What really turns her on and make sure he knows exactly what we are looking for. This has worked for us before.

If it's a couple I prefer to talk to both before meeting unless they have a pre set agreement.

It doesn't really make a difference to me if it's him or her to start with. I have to speak with both before any meeting though.

Hi PalmBeach ... Quote: Your profile is an example of a good one, & thank you for that. Also, she is quite enticing. Women like her are what keeps me interested in SLS ...

Thank you for the compliments. Just so you know (since you wrote that 2nd person) I'm the only one of us who is ever online. I suppose you might catch hubby on here sometimes ... like if you look outside and it's raining giraffes! LOL

Ours is a somewhat different dynamic than most ... I like strictly recreational sex, but hubby has no interest in that sort of thing at all, and never has. That's actually why I created this profile ... when couples express an interest, it can be awkward to explain that hubby isn't interested ... like, "Why, I'm not good enough?" I just hate to see someone's feelings hurt over nothing so, right at the get go, I ask if they are on SLS, and tell them my ID here which lets her know that it's just the way it is for him, having nothing at all to do with her.

I try to make things as clear in my profile as I can. For us, it's not a "wife doing what hubby wants" thing, or a "hubby likes to watch" thing, or a "subby hubby" thing ...or any of the other dynamics we often see. I like to play, he isn't threatened by that (or much of anything else), and his role in this whole thing is just making sure that I'm safe.

Anyway, thanks for the compliments.

JVT, I agree with your last statement, most of the time it the husband'd fantasy and she knows nothing about it.

I've had both husbands and wives reach out to me individually at first.
I definitely prefer to speak to both of them before we meet though. Most of the initial phone calls are with the husband talking and the wife next to the phone listening and asking the questions and that's fine too because at least I know that she exists. A lot of the times guys will act like they are part of a couple and have absolutely no proof that she exists at all or I find out that this is his fantasy and she has no clue about it!!

I always like it better if both are involved in the initial process. That way I know that both are into it and excited and if not... I get to find that out before a bad date.

Quote:" it doesn't help when guys don't even bother to read your profile ... and then there are the ones who read it, but contact you anyway"

Yea, you will always have a percentage of people who don't care to respect what you have written, but at least full disclosure on your profile helps the honest people to sort themselves out.

Your profile is an example of a good one, & thank you for that. Also, she is quite enticing. Women like her are what keeps me interested in SLS.

As for Craig's List, I took a look there several months ago & every listing I saw just stank of being trouble at best & more likely a low end hooker in disguise. I don't consider Craig's List to even be an option.

QUOTE: "The sorting out process would be a lot faster if people would be honest up front about what it is that they want."

I agree, but it doesn't help when guys don't even bother to read your profile ... and then there are the ones who read it, but contact you anyway, even though your profile makes it clear you wouldn't be interested.

It's like, "OK, lemme try to understand this ... my profile says I'm not Bi and hubby doesn't swing at all so who, exactly, are you trying to get to share your wife with here?"

I especially love the ones that say, "I don't have what you are looking for, but you wouldn't be disappointed." Seriously? How could I be anything but disappointed?

The only way I have found to wade thru all the fakes and poseurs is to insist on a proof pic like mine that make it clear it is not some pic snagged from the Net. You'd be amazed how many guys contact me all hot to get together, bragging up how hot they are who evaporate as soon as they have to send that pic ... POOF!

I'm amazed how many of these knuckleheads agree to send it but try to insist they text it to you ... Yeah right, like I'm going to give you my cell number!

Still and all, GUYS HAVE IT MUCH WORSE. Seriously, I've had guys I hooked up with share some true horror stories. especially from CraigsList.

It's not real important who I talk to first, but I do want to talk to both before we get anything going.

Also, I agree with the previously posted observation that there are a lot of gay guys on her that pretend to be something else. The sorting out process would be a lot faster if people would be honest up front about what it is that they want. Pretty much all options are available on this board from someone. Please try asking for what it is that you actually want. That is in everyone's best interest.