We pick the brain of the man behind the upcoming Ethical Nonmonogamy documentary, OPEN: A Journey Through Love, Roderick Stevens! This was a fantastic conversation about his motivations for making the film and some of the surprising stories he heard along the way!As always, thanks for listening!IG: OPEN: A Journey Through LoveSupport the people who support this show:Shameless Care (promo code: SUITELIFE)Expansive Connection!Foambusters.com!Be sure to SUBSCRIBE, RATE, REVIEW! We appreciate any and all feedback!Check out our show and MANY others on FullSwapRadio!How to stay in-touch with us:Email: [email protected] us here for info on upcoming LIVE episodes:Instagram: @thesuitelifepodcastTwitter: @suitelifepodFacebook: Livin the Suite Life (Tryst Loq Suitelife)Don t forget to SUBSCRIBE to the Livin the Suite Life Podcast YouTube Channel!
Transcript
Living the Sweet Life is a podcast intended for mature audiences only. We'll be using sexually explicit language while discussing many different adult themes. So if you're under the age of 18, please stop listening. Also, please know that our thoughts and opinions should not be taken as professional advice. We're here to answer your questions about the swinger lifestyle from newbies to longtime swingers. Or if you're just curious, we hope to engage you all and to encourage a sex positive discussion.
Now that we've got that out of the way, make yourself comfortable for joining us in this episode of living the sweet life we finally got it off the ground she is my beautiful sexy co-host and wife the lovely trist and he is my sexy chocolate husband luck and ladies and gentlemen we are joined by a fantastic fantastic guest that we could not wait to have on the show tonight we are joined by mr roger stevens let's clap it up for mr roger stevens ladies and gentlemen clap it up clap it up he is the producer director the writer the creator the overall i don't know how many hats do you wear, Roderick?
I wear all the hats. I got a lot of hats. All the hats for the upcoming blockbuster. I'm going to call it a blockbuster. We're going to go ahead and claim it, Roderick. Film documentary open a journey through love. And I cannot wait to dig into this topic. This thing is going to be huge. We're really excited about it. We're grateful that Roderick has taken the time to hang out with us. But listen, y'all, y'all know how it is.
Before we get into all the shenanigans, all the crazy, all the good stuff, we want to first give a shout out and do our housekeeping stuff uh regarding uh the sneaker ball upcoming events what we got babe we got the sneaker ball coming up upcoming event is the sneaker ball the sneaker ball is going to be at taboo social club and that is on september the 14th join us we've been putting out different advertisements to say you know, come join us say hello um make sure you drop by have a shot with us that's right but come to the sneaker ball and that is going to be uh september the 14th you can buy your tickets the day of the event so yeah yeah man let's get it let's represent let's get in there sweet talking yeah man we cannot wait i have not picked out my sneakers just yet um i don't know if trist has i don't think she has yet you know the only thing i have is a skirt okay we started you got something you got something uh but yeah i can't wait to get in there and have a great time with you guys we've heard from a few sweet talkers who are coming in town just going to hang out with us we're super excited about it um vicky is excited about it the co-host of um mr dependable and paradise they are excited they're bringing the crew it's going to be a hell of a turnout as it is every year absolutely y'all need to be there yes uh what else we got going on we're going to be for Halloween.
In October. Yeah. Forgetting about that. I didn't forget today. No, you didn't. But yes, we're going to be at Secrets for the actual Halloween party. We're going for Friday's birthday party, but it so happens to be the Halloween party. I'm a little excited about that because we haven't been to a Halloween party in a while. I know, man.
So this would be great for us to get back into it i have no idea what we're wearing we're gonna figure it out we sure will we sure will all right i think that's all the housekeeping that we got for the time being um but listen since we have a a new guest we got to be hospitable people. We want to know about Mr. Stevens. So, Roderick, how are you feeling, brother? How are you feeling tonight? Tonight, I'm feeling impatient because, of course, we're going to be talking about the documentary I've spent the last two years, this month actually, working on.
And we've much finished post-production on it and have submitted it to a bunch of film festivals. So now we're playing the waiting game to see who's going to program it. And I feel like I'm just holding my breath right now. Well, hopefully you won't be holding it for too much longer.
We do not want you to pass on the show i know we had you waiting for a minute or two thank you for hanging in there okay but yes no um i can't wait to dig into this because we're going to give you all the well wishes all that good stuff it's coming soon man uh we're really happy for you uh so my beautiful queen how you feeling tonight you know i'm feeling i'm feeling like i'm feeling excited we have a trip coming up soon yeah we do and i'm feeling excited to go see my friends yeah so i'm good and i know we're going to have some crazy stories to tell when we get back because that group of friends they just be on 10 they know how to turn it up they they know how to turn it up and everybody's excited just to see each other love on each other play on each other all the things on each other i'm here for it all the things on each other now what other lifestyle can you say that about right all the things you're ready to do things on each other yes i'm here for yes so on it under it i want it all on the side that's right um yeah how are you feeling me i'm feeling really grateful i'm feeling really grateful for the great friends that we have you talked about the future the things that we are looking forward to experiencing i'm grateful for the experiences that we've had the past few weeks right yes yeah I mean we've got to hang out and spend some real good quality time with some good friends of ours I got to spend some time with a group of gentlemen yesterday but I'll talk about that in another episode I'm just feeling grateful I'm feeling positive I'm ready to get going all right well said thank you, baby.
You're welcome. So, my beautiful queen, my wonderful sweet talkers, are y'all ready to get into tonight's episode? Let's do it. Let's go. All right, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for hanging in there. Again, we are joined by Mr. Roderick Stevens, the man, the myth, the legend, the icon, the cinematic icon, right? I'll take it. That's right. You claim it. Claim it, brother. So, man, look, we were fortunate enough to meet Roderick. By chance. By chance. By total chance. Literally by chance.
In by chance in Miami yes Trish you want to share that story Roderick you want to talk about it how we met because it was literally by chance we normally have an early flight that's from Miami we was at the Miami PCAP not this year just passed but the year um last year last year's pcap so we were there and normally we leave early but this time i said you know i'm gonna get us a late flight so we could just hang out and just chill and and see what happens so i was just chilling at the bar and this wonderful guy just comes up you know him and his wife and sits at the bar and then we just started talking i'm like hey how you doing and like i mean the weekend happens all you have so many people like shuffling around and then it's just like that moment we was just like hi and then we started talking and i was sitting there like wait my husband has to hear what you're saying hold on and i thought it was great we started talking about just you guys in general um then you know start saying that we I'll see you were doing.
And I just thought it was fascinating. Yeah. What was it like from, from your perspective? How did, I know she sticks out.
What, uh, what made you feel compelled to you know give her give her the scoop well so so we um were there you know at pcap in in miami last october and because a lot of people there knew about the documentary and on top of that jane and i to be honest with you are pretty introverted so we we normally are in some corner of the pool somewhere just hanging all over all over each other watching everyone else and um and because so many people knew about the documentary we were pretty much busy the whole weekend just people asking questions how's it going etc so we were filling people in and so somehow we were there for whatever it was four days and didn't see you guys not at all so then so then um when we saw you on that would have been I guess a Monday morning that we were flying out so we saw you on Monday morning and to be honest with you I wasn't sure who you were I wasn't sure if recognized you.
And so I was like, I'm not even sure if they're here for PCAP or if they can. And so then once I heard the names, I was like, yep. Okay. I know exactly who you are. So then we started talking about, uh, you know, the, the documentary and stuff.
And of course, uh, uh, and, and thenane was there and jane just was like who are those two hotties so uh um yeah and so it was it was just cool to get to chat with you guys and fill you in on what we've been doing and and then uh and i told you at the time that uh i was pretty much done filming uh by the time we were there at pcap and i had had about four months of post-production to do, doing all the editing and animation and graphics and music and all that sort of thing. And so once it was all done, at some point, I remembered the conversation. I was like, oh, I've got to reach out to them.
And they know we've finished it up. And so there we go. And so I sent you guys a link. And we're so grateful that you did. First of all, let's jump in. We're going to acknowledge our friends in the chat. Listen, we got Sweet Talker number one that says, hey, sexy people, so excited for this episode. Listen, sis, we're excited to have this episode also. We're going to learn a lot of good stuff tonight. And then, Roger, some friends of yours jumped in. We got some mutual friends in the house. The Naughty Jim jumped in and said, hey, friends. What's up, guys? Thank you all for joining.
Please feel free to drop in any questions, any comments. Roger is here for all of it.
We're going to send it all his way um but no we are we're really grateful that you you reached out and we reconnected on instagram um so we could you know pump this because it sounded like such a great idea when you were telling us about it and if i'm being honest i didn't i didn't know where it was going to go right i thought it was like another you know people say documentary people say they're going to do a film or whatever and then you know we never hear about it again yeah so to hear from you again and then you sent us the clip and we saw so many of our friends in there it touched this in a in a way that was just like unbelievable that's true yes i was sitting there like he did it yeah he did great to hear good the quality um and it looks like the storytelling is going to be great but we're going to get there yeah we're going to get there and i'm gonna get to gushing about this thing you bet we want to get to know you right we want to know what drove you to this because it takes a lot for one to expose yourself in the lifestyle but then to create a movie a documentary where we're going to i'm sure you're digging deep into this stuff and you're asking Thank you.
create a movie a documentary where we're going to i'm sure you're digging deep into this stuff and you're asking others to do the same to trust you with their story yeah it takes balls man yeah it was it definitely um uh there was definitely kind of a snowball effect on that last point of, you know, certainly people could start off feeling a little hesitant to, to share their stories, uh, uh, with me, you know, to, to be out in the public like that.
And, and fortunately the more, uh, the more people I talked to and the further we got along in the process, the more people started to be even more comfortable sharing with me. So so that was great. You know, so if Naughty Jim is still on, they may caution you that that it's hard to get me to shut up once I get going. So you may have to, as for me, so I'm, I'm a filmmaker. I've been a filmmaker for 30 some years now and an artist and I have autism and ADHD. So I'm, I'm a filmmaker. I've been a filmmaker for 30 some years now and an artist and I have autism and ADHD. So I'm all over the place.
Um, I happened to do a lot of traveling and, you know, as, as you saw in the, in the clip and we talked about it in the documentary, uh, uh, I started listening to some podcasts while i was on road trips a few years ago and didn't i think i'd heard the phrase lifestyle but that was about it i didn't really know anything about it and i came across uh these lifestyle podcasts and i was like oh i'm gonna listen to these and of course initially there's just the titillation factor it's just i don't know this is gonna be fun entertaining to listen to you know um well i ended up listening to um in one case a podcast that had been around for at the time about seven years and because i was on this long road trip and traveling for hours and hours a day i ended up listening to all seven years of their relationship in one week and that sort of bird's eye view what happened was i started recognizing you know Thank you.
of their relationship in one week and that sort of bird's eye view what happened was i started recognizing you know a couple of years let's say into this relationship i started really recognizing how opening their marriage had impacted them as individuals and impacted their relationship and i didn't even know at the time entirely what was happening but what I've come to learn is and I think autism plays a big role in this I'm an open book that's that's just who I am I've always just put myself entirely out there I wear my heart on my sleeve I I'm not guarded about anything and that's's partially an autism thing.
People with autism don't have that social filter. And I mentioned it that way, because I just got diagnosed with autism four years ago. So I didn't know for all this time. I just thought, I don't know, it's just me. I'm an open book. I'm Mr. TMI. Everybody's always like, dude, too much, man.
and so what what i came to learn was that kind of openness is something that i've longed for for my entire life and and i saw that that was happening in this relationship that that this couple these two people were and these were this was a couple that had been married already 25 years or something and and here they were getting closer and becoming more and more open and authentic and honest and the the deep thorough communication um and then on top of that their self-esteem especially hers in that case, because, you know, as of course I came to recognize, the lifestyle in particular is very woman-centric, you could say.
It's very sort of women-empowering. And I just was hooked. um so i i literally spent a few weeks listening to a lot of different podcasts at this point and just sort of taking notes, just processing, what am I hearing? What's causing all of this? Where's all this coming from? And really got focused again on just the individual growth and the relationship aspect of things.
And so my partner and I talked, and around that time we'd already planned on a trip to hedo we were like well if we're going to visit one of these places let's let's kind of dive in uh to even though at the time yeah even though at the time we weren't uh we weren't talking about even playing with anybody just were like, let's go check out this sexy environment. Well, COVID happened. And 30 days before we were supposed to go to Hedo, Jamaica got listed as very high risk by the CDC.
And because of my partner's job, we knew if we ended up getting stranded there because of it, that wasn't going to go well. So we had to reroute ourselves. We ended up going to Desire, Desire Pearl. And no regrets. Everybody. Yeah. Come in. Come on in. Come in. No regrets. We loved it. And sure enough, again, we were nowhere close to actually sexually engaging with people, but just the conversations we had with people. And I would even go as far as to say we happened to end up piggybacking on a takeover group that was down there and not our crowd.
I mean, this would not have been our crowd of people. And yet it didn't matter. It was still amazing. It was just the kind of conversations we had. And we found ourselves immediately enjoying, you know, being naked and, you know, just the cool environment. So we just loved it. And so we've been, yes, can I jump in? Okay, so I'm doing some detective'm, I'm picking up some pieces here.
So you guys said your first trip was in 2020 around the COVID time, but so was that your introduction into the lifestyle in general, like all together or, you know, how long have one, how long have you and your partner been together? And then how long have you been in the lifestyle? So we've been together six years, a couple of months ago. Okay, nice. And I mean, to be quite blunt, we met as a hookup and fell in love.
So sex and sexuality have always been kind of a cornerstone of our relationship um and but you know this kind of stuff we really didn't know any about anything about uh the lifestyle and that sort of thing and there'd been some pillow talk but uh but really yeah that trip which would have been then october of 2020, would have been our, yeah, that was our first exposure to anything. And you guys want to go to Edo? Like, they want to go to Edo for their first exposure. Well, we, that's kind of how we operate. We don't, and I really, again, it's kind of back to the autism thing.
We don't really know how to tiptoe. No, because again, if I'm putting the timeline together here, Roderick, so that's about, you said about three years ago, you got into the lifestyle and you said you've been working on a documentary for two years. So you were one year in and was like, I need to spread the gospel. I need to let the world know about what's going on I don't know.
and you said you've been working on a documentary for two years so you were one year in it was like I need to spread the gospel I need to let the world know about what's going on here well I was at um the the PCAP that was in Palm Springs ah okay yes I remember we talked about that yep right so we we went to that because that was just a drive for us because we're in Arizona.
So we went out to PCAP in Palm Springs and I'd already been thinking about my passion for filmmaking and then this passion that I had been developing for the E&M community and the lifestyle and how it impacts people and all that. And I kept trying to figure out how can I merge these.
And I come narrative filmmaking I work on like you know dramas and stuff and I don't know I could never figure anything out and then we're at PCAP and I happened to be talking to Bomber you know and I was there talking to him and he mentioned something he got excited when he found out i was a filmmaker and we got to talking and all of a sudden it was like a bell rang and i was like why am i not doing a documentary about this that i literally i looked at jane my partner and i said two plus two equals four and i should be doing a documentary lifestyle.
I mean, it just, it was like, you know, a calling from somewhere and it just made sense to me. And, uh, and so that was July, 2022 was, yeah, was PCAP and Palm Springs. So that was two years ago, you know, this month. And, uh, and so when we left PCAP, you know, I just started making phone calls and trying to find people who'd be willing to be interviewed. And we started with a lot of podcasters because of, you know, I just tried to find people who, who were already willing to be somewhat out. Right. And, um, and there we go.
My man, again, we're going to dig into more of the the movie the film development but i'm a you you like to deflect we're going to stick back to you i want to know you i want the audience to know who the man is driving this ship and how did he become so passionate about this project you've given us some pieces of it but we want to dig just a little bit deeper. So the documentary is called Open, A Journey Through Love. I want to learn about your journey in this lifestyle, right? Has the road always been kind to you?
You know, it's definitely, I mean, the two most prominent messages that I come away from the film with, which are part of our whole journey, are, number one, this isn't for everyone. This isn't about saying, hey, the lifestyle is better, or saying non-monogamy is better than monogamy. It's the whole concept of this is, no, non-monogamy is an option. It's another option. It's just as valid. It's not better or worse. It works for some people. And that's a really important part of the message. It has nothing to do with pitching it as, this is better than what you've been doing.
It's mostly, this is different than you probably thought it was. And it's okay. It's okay for people to make that choice.
and then the other aspect of that that is very exciting to me is the concept that everyone's journey is their own there's no one way to do this so as an example I you know this gets into like just verbiage and so on but but we're in the lifestyle we've been you know you could say we've been in the lifestyle since we showed up at desire you know two and a half three three and a half years ago whenever that was um and yet that doesn't that that doesn't tell you anything about what we do sexually everybody has their own you know their own path and and so um my focus was so much on how it impacts relationships and individuals and and my my whole thing was because i knew my partner was gonna you know was was gonna have some concerns and questions because this this can be very challenging.
I mean, the fact is the lifestyle and any sort of ethical non-monogamy is going to shine a bright light on lots of things that are inside a person. And that's what it's done for my partner and I.
And to be honest, she's still working through some it's it's shown a light on some things that she's still trying to work through so so we mostly kind of are loitering on the on the fringes of things um but we love the environment we love uh you know just the sensuality and how we can enjoy that aspect of it and then for me i mean honestly i've just fallen in love with humanity i have just yeah i love people and even though i'm i really am an introvert i know it doesn't seem like it especially once you get me going but oh me too yep but man do i love i mean at that pcap in miami where we met you guys uh two days earlier the highlight of that whole trip for me was uh there was another couple there and we were standing in the pool talking you know as we off do at these events we're standing in the pool talking and the rain starts coming down and it starts getting heavier and heavier and everybody starts getting out of the pool and everybody's going you know so all of a sudden there's only the four of us standing in this pool.
It's pretty much pouring down, but you know, it's still nice out. And we'll just stay in that pool for like a half hour, having this deeply intimate conversation about, I mean, you get into conversations with people in the lifestyle and they're talking about things they've never told anyone else in their lives. People are so much more open and authentic and vulnerable. And that is like heroin to me. I always say that, right?
That once you take away all of the clothes and everything, and there's nothing to be pretentious about, like you start having these conversations with people because all the rest of it is taken away right you don't have those preconceived notions or this person's wearing this or they look like this you just start having conversations because you're on a level playing field with exactly level playing field i don't know you're a judge a lawyer a doctor i don't give a shit i want to know about the person and people feel so compelled to just be open and honest man um i want to say that you said that um oh man i had my fingers crossed so i wouldn't forget it but one of the overall messages of the film was to gosh man i have a question go for it yeah good job okay so you mentioned how it's impact how the lifestyle of the film was to, gosh, man.
I have a question. Go for it. Yeah. Good job. Okay. So you mentioned how it's impact, how the lifestyle impacts people, but how does, how has it impacted you and your relationship? So, so for me personally, I have experienced even myself a boost in self esteem.
I feel better about myself than I used to um i were more secure and and all that sort of thing um uh the relationship for us that's where it's it's really um it you know it just it forces you to talk about things more openly and really kind of confront how do you feel about things and to not uh ignore things and sweep things under the rug like you you have to really you know be open and talk about these sort of things and it it has been amazing for that i mean it's just i don't know it gets cliche but again this is something i've been looking for my entire life and i didn't even know it.
Just that kind of open openness and honesty. And so, yeah, it's it's been incredible. It's intoxicating. It's intoxicating. It absolutely is. It's intoxicating. It's addictive. Just like the scene that you described, standing in a pool while it's pouring raining with probably some naked people. Right.
In some environments, you're definitely naked and you're just being yourselves you're sharing crazy stories or you're just sharing your deep feelings most of the time if i'm doing that i'm sharing feelings about my wife you know what i mean uh so it's just it's very you're vulnerable with strangers and again it is very intox. And I can see how it makes you love humanity. Yeah. Because we all crave it. Right. We all crave that kind of connection, that human connection. But in this, in this lifestyle, we're open to it. We're receptive to it.
We're not, you know, if I'm on the train and somebody starts, you know, word vomiting and just telling me, you know, their feelings, I'm like, what do you want? I'm looking for something that you want from me. I get on gone.
But yeah, but like in a lifestyle situation, it's only thing I know that you want is to be just want to be you know we talk about how you go to hedo or desire well you go to a regular resort somewhere and and you're crossing paths with people and everybody kind of looks down or looks away like nobody acknowledges anybody you go to hedo or desire and anybody that you don't even know, just complete strangers, when you're walking by each other, everybody's all, hey. Hey, good morning. I like your shades. I like your time. I like this. Yeah, exactly.
And even just kind of look in and look at you up and down and smile. it's there and, you know, we get on, on regular social media, as an example, on Facebook or something. And it's all about, everybody is posting things because they want attention, but you have to pretend you don't. Whereas within the lifestyle, it's like, hey, man, I'm sharing myself because yeah, I want to know what you think. And we enjoy exposing ourselves and receiving compliments as an example. You know, it's, it's an open thing. Hey, we're here to Yeah, if you if you like how I look, you can tell me that. Exactly.
And it's something that we're open about enjoying. Absolutely.
Because I mean, I'm a a horrible flirt but my opening lines is to compliment somebody or something just so that i can see if you're going to talk back to me all true so i'm going to check in with some sweet talkers um our friends in new orleans say hello friends hello y'all hello hello we got someone checking in from cleveland hello sweet talker thank you for checking in and we have another mutual friend roger we have duchess cashmere of the cashmere room podcast check her out she said very cool you don't have to wear a mask no pun intended for sure that's right you don't have to wear a mask in the lifestyle.
You feel good. You feel confident. You can be yourself. I really appreciate that, Duchess. I do have a question.
So while you were interviewing for the film, did you find any type of trends where people were saying like their personal growth from prior to going into the lifestyle then after the lifestyle or what did was it just like all different um there were a lot of I mean it's it's definitely individual but there were some repeated there were trends you know and one of the big ones being self-esteem especially a lot of women reported improved self-esteem um uh body positivity you know again when we went to desire that first time uh that was one of the first things that my partner jane and i uh commented on was look at not just all the different sizes and shapes and ages of people but look at how much they're just celebrating their humanness unashamedly just yeah just embracing it as the oh man was that just beautiful to see and um and so that that's definitely had a you know the most common things people talked about uh are self-esteem communication you know that's that's probably the biggest most obvious one that people talk about is communication and not just you know from both angles it it's it has to be well established to even try this so if you have really crappy communication this isn't going to work in fact that was my that was my whole approach with my partner was I said, look, here's the thing.
Whether we ever play with other people or not is completely secondary. But what I'm saying is I want that relationship. I want that relationship where we're completely open and honest with each other. And we can, we can talk about anything and we can share fantas can share fantasies, and we can challenge ourselves in that way. That's what I really wanted.
And I love watching couples, even when they have challenges, you find that over the course of exploring the lifestyle, they tend to become more compassionate with each other more patient with each other so it's not it's not just about communication it's about when someone's presenting something challenging their partner tends to be more compassionate and patient and willing to hear it and take responsibility for their own reactions to it it and uh and to me that was that was a big one and then you know we did um i put out a poll online where i asked uh at this point we have a little over 500 respondents and i asked them just different questions about how it's impacted their lives and yeah most people reported that even in their other relationships with family, work, et cetera, they've become more authentic.
Several, again, back to women, several women talked about how they found their voice and they were able to quit a job that they didn't want to keep working at anymore, that they felt they deserved better.
And because of their experiences in the lifestyle, they quit a job that they didn't they didn't want to keep working at anymore that they felt they deserved better and because of their experiences in the lifestyle they quit this job and went and you know started a business um they they were able to stand up to family more etc etc so it's really it impacts people on so such deeper levels than you would think yeah that's great man like that's the good side and and one thing about this show is that we pride ourselves in giving the flowery good stuff but hitting them hard with the reality it's not always sunshine and rainbows so in your personal experience you and jane have you guys come across any tough times in the lifestyle that you, you mind sharing nothing too deep, but like, you know, well, so as I said, the lifestyle is going to shine a light on challenges on things that you may still have to deal with.
And to be honest with you, yeah,ane's in the middle of that right now it has it has opened up a lot of things that she didn't even know a lot of pain and anxiety and fear that she didn't even know she's been carrying around since she was a kid yeah and we we talked to a lot of people that that went through that where they learned things about themselves uh that were painful that they had to address, they had to kind of work through. And so, yeah, yeah, Jane's dealing with that right now. I love it. And I appreciate you sharing that. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that.
I was going to say for us in a lifestyle, I think that what we've talked about this before with friends and on the show before, but but what it has the light has shown is that he is a true extrovert he's always thought that he was the introvert and i was the extrovert but i am not i am the introvert and he is the extrovert and it shows so many times over and over again of of what it is because when i walk into the room i'm only By'3 by the way I'm short when I walk into the room I am 6'9 like in my head right I'm 6'9 I have that piece of it with with the parts that was that light was shining was I don't like I'm an introvert where it's like a whole bunch of new people I just you know I just go like just go like, I don't want to talk.
I, you know, I don't want to do all of that. So I've gotten better with that, with the show and also meeting friends, like meeting people in the lifestyle and just understanding that it's okay to be an introvert, but also trying to make an effort to do those, um, icebreakers, um, with the whole, Oh, I like your shoes. That's my end or something like that to try to edge on like a conversation with someone. Right. So I definitely agree that the lifestyle has helped with that part. Yeah. It helped us understand who we are as individuals and as a couple, as a married couple.
We learn it, we're learning and have learned a lot of our kinks, which is fun, right? That's always fun and sexy and very helpful. Um, and, um, just learning how the other works and what buttons to push and what some of her, i'm learning what some of her actual desires are. But I want to get back to you in the film. So I want to talk about like the level of effort and the things that, you know, the actual power that it took to put this thing together. So you've already said that you've been working on it for over two years, right?
So how many airline miles would you say you've logged at this point? Because you have been all over the place. I have been all over the place. And because I had to haul a lot of equipment around with me, it was almost entirely road trips, driving.
I traveled over the course of this film i traveled well over 40 000 miles to film interviews from san francisco to pittsburgh uh down to orlando and tampa atlanta georgia tennessee uh here in arizona colorado california um i can't even remember where else but lots of traveling uh i gathered over a hundred hours of footage um uh we talked to and and as often as possible jane would go with me but you know she has a real job so uh so she can always go with me so i was often by myself every once in a while i'd have someone assisting me but uh we talked to podcasters We'll see you next time.
So I always go with me. So I was often by myself every once in a while, I'd have someone assisting me. But we talked to podcasters, individuals, just regular couples that aren't content creators or anything, therapists, counselors, psychologists, a couple of authors.
Gosh, I'm trying to think of what else, but but to get you know an overview of of everything and um uh i mean it was just to gush for a minute it was it was the most exhausting uh expensive like i have a mountain of credit card debt right now um and yet just soul nourishing experiences i've ever had when i would go on a long road trip like a two-week road trip where i'd be traveling around and interviewing a bunch of people and every day i'd be calling back to jane at the end of the night just gushing about who i talked to and these amazing conversations and um i just couldn't get enough of it and um and then it took me about four months to distill all of that down to what is now uh just over a 90 minute uh documentary i bet that was tough the the cutting road floor it was yeah it was so tough because my first when i first assembled everything that I wanted.
So so, of course, with the documentary, the subject itself kind of dictates where this is going to go. So I just asked people to talk about their experiences. How how did you meet? How did you get into this? You know, how has it impacted you? And we talked about positives and negatives etc and and so it was the repeated patterns that everybody kept talking about well that's what's going to be in in the documentary and just assembling just all of that everybody talking about all the things i wanted to include came to seven and a half hours wow.
So it took me just months to keep cutting and bunches of people that, I mean, it's heartbreaking the number of people that ended up not in the documentary for no other reason that I couldn't have a three and a half hour documentary. That could have been a three-part Netflix series.
right and that's the thing is i i really am hoping i can get someone to back uh continuing forward with the series because there's a ton more that i would love to talk to people about you know this this is really this film is just sort of a gentle overview of of the whole concept of ethical non-monogamy, uh, I'd love to deep dive into more, you know, specific subjects, but, uh, but yeah, it's, it's, uh, it's been, uh, exhausting and incredible. One of the sweet talkers says, um, that I would have never started a new career in my forties without the lifestyle.
And that's yes that's that's huge right you're starting a brand new career um because of you know exposure to the lifestyle talking about sex being involved in in the sex industry the sex industry so to speak you know and yeah tangential kind of way um and being inspired uh we also have another sweet talker that says go ahead babe you can read that i made my mission to be more engaging in regular life to smile more talk more be positive raise other uh raise another woman up and it's clear and it's welcoming but it feels odd for the other person yeah yeah vanillas don't know how to I mean I hate to say that like some some people don't know how to um receive that yes like when somebody's open and vulnerable and and sharing and giving you praise again sometimes you're checking your pockets like what do you want yeah you know like what do me?
But it's really coming from a genuine place. So yeah, it can be like you, you just think they're in lifestyle automatically. Nice people are lifestyle to me. Society conditions us to not be very receptive to joy and pleasure. Like you're not supposed to be happy like you're supposed to always be down and cynical and skeptical and and stuff and so yeah it can be it can be jarring when someone comes up and is just happy and open and yeah Tucker says that the vanilla, oh, it seems perplexing for a vanilla. Yeah.
So how many interviews would you say you conducted in total approximately what do you think how many you got oh he's pulling out the list ladies and gentlemen yeah well i was i so the thing is because i haven't been uh in post-production for the past few weeks i'm kind of out of my uh let's see i'm trying to remember so we have here so we interviewed a total of 65 wow yeah and 25 of them ended up not in the documentary again not for any i mean one person uh reached out to me later and and changed your mind and said i'd actually rather not be out that way.
And it just so happened that I didn't tell her this, but I was like, oh, well, good. I'm glad because you're not in the documentary. So it's safe to say that you didn't have a problem filing volunteers. Well, it started off a challenge.
And to be honest am i interviewed a few people who were willing to be heard but didn't want their faces out and my plan originally was i was going to use animation i was going to do the interviews and then use animation um because i didn't i didn't want to do the um uh the witness protection silhouette thing i didn't want to do that because i was trying to know we're already in the shadows enough man exactly and so so that's what i was going to do but as we went along and we had more and more you know people started coming out of the woodwork you know saying hey i hear you making a documentary you should come talk to us we're we're special and so we started having lots of people you know reaching out and so by the time i was doing all the editing i just thought man i have so many people now that are willing to be out uh and it'll take me another couple of months to do animation for these people that that didn't want to be seen so i ended up canceling that that plan but yeah the people that ended up in the not in the documentary again it had nothing to do with their story what one of the things I want to do and I'm just waiting to see how distribution plays out with this is I want to be able to ultimately release like the full interviews with with everybody because there's so much great stuff that isn't even in the documentary that's just in these interviews.
So I'm hoping to be able to share everything at some point. Okay, holler at Bezos, man. I know he got you. He'll write you a check. We'll see how it goes. So where we're at with it right now is we've submitted to film festivals uh and we we've still got some more to submit to but it's such a long tedious process and so we'll see what film festivals end up programming us and you know which ones some of these streamers and distributors go to and you know hopefully get someone interested in it up and, and, uh, and go from there. Yeah.
Have you gotten, I want to know, like, are you received well so far in the film industry? Are they open to the idea, pardon the pun, of hearing about this movie?
Or are they pretty conservative when it comes to this subject matter um we don't know yet that's kind of right where we're at is we're just now putting it out there and so so we're kind of waiting to see um we um we've had one audience screening uh last month or maybe the month before we showed it to a small audience like 30 people at the southwest love festival in tucson okay but of course that's like a polyamory conference of sorts so um and and we got some great feedback there um and and certainly you know i've sent it out to a few sort of test audience people, including some people who they're people that I know, but they didn't know anything about the lifestyle.
They didn't know I was making this documentary. So it was completely new to them.
And to be honest with you, it's it's really interesting because the fact is this topic can literally be threatening to people like literally threat people can feel threatened because you're telling them that this concept of relationship and monogamy and stuff that you were raised with and that our entire society is entrenched in may not be the only thing and that's that's hard for people to hear because it's kind of like you're telling me i made the wrong choice and again we have to keep emphasizing no no it's not about the wrong choice it's about there are other options it's okay if you chose what you chose but other people might choose something different and that's okay.
um so i do think it's it's going to be a challenge i think it's it's going to be a matter of finding the right people that are open to giving this a chance i think there will be plenty of people that will um that will i mean christopher ryan is one of our subjects that we interviewed and he's the author of the book sex at dawn uh in which he talks about the anthropological history of monogamy and how it's very it's misunderstood and that it's it's very very likely that when man was hunter-gatherers we were not monogamous monogamy came about when we turned to agriculture and ownership of things all of a sudden it was like well i need to know this is my wife and this is my son who's going to inherit my land uh and until and until then we shared everything right um well he when he was first putting that book out there to get published uh he had an editor that loved it said i'm i want to we're going to bring this up to the publisher next week and we'll make you an offer next week etc etc they got to the meeting and the publisher squashed it instantly it was it turned out her husband had just cheated on her and she said no I'm not watching a book about cheating.
Oh, wow. Because that's how she interpreted it. Wow. So, you know, I do think it's it's going to be challenging, but hopefully we'll find someone that's open to to sharing, sharing the word as it were.
and uh i know you will and then i truly believe in it and then of course a certain amount of controversy can often be good publicity so that's right that's right i think that the i jump in real quick i'm sorry i just i remembered my thought when you were speaking and yes what i wanted to say was that the the fact that you you said that the movie is sharing, not that your option is bad, it's just that there's another option. And I think that is so valuable for people to hear. That's all I wanted to say. And I'm so glad that you mentioned that because it jogged my memory.
So, yes, go ahead, Trace.
The only thing I was just going to say is that I think that, not that it's not still going to be hard but it will be a little bit easier because you're starting to hear these terms more publicly true absolutely radio um starting to hear more about you know um uh non-monogamous relationships just on a regular radio and on dating apps and you're starting to see people saying it more outside of just like the lifestyle yeah so it's becoming a little bit more of a thing yeah i want to say but there's people still need like more updated information which is the purpose of this movie right because the movies that are out there from like way back when and they are yeah it's just not an actual presentation of what we are today that's excellent point tris yeah yeah and and the other thing about what has been out there which isn't much is is always so focused on the salacious aspects of things and you know there's this we're entirely focused on how it impacts individuals and relationships.
Like there's very little focus on the sex part. There's some definitions. We get some talking about parallel play and full swap and soft swaps. It's just so people don't have an idea what these terms are. But there's not much attention paid to sex. There's a whole segment of the documentary that is a bunch of people talking about how it's not just about sex Right.
It's about friendships and all this all this other stuff On the one hand well, I've yeah, yeah on the one hand I've been Well, I'm saying yes, I think it's gonna be a challenge to be honest with you to your point Tris I I started worrying about we're going to be too late because it is it's out there people are talking about it so i was like man we got to get this out there and uh because yeah there's articles all the time on npr and and huffington post and just constantly now talk about polyamory and lifestyle and so so I do think the world is ready for it.
So to me, I think the world is ready for it. So it's whether a distributor grasps that. Somebody's going to have the foresight to see that this man put in, not only you, but the people that you pulled into it. You pulled in people who have been educators and and edutainment in this industry for a long time. So these people know what they're talking about. And, uh, from personal experience, like looking at the short clip, I said to her that day, this is something I would be willing to show my kids. I would be willing to educate the next generation. We just recently came out to our daughters.
This could be a tool that I'd be willing to use to have a conversation with them about it. Because again, we only saw a short little clip, but it wasn't boobs and people talking about all the crazy stuff, all the cool things, things that we do love about him. But I'm talking about that. You were talking about the connection, people, people and the relationship. Right. And that's something that could be totally misunderstood. But you guys, I think you and everybody you did the interviews of delivered that message very, very well from what I saw.
Yeah, two of the pieces of feedback that I was most excited about when we did that audience screening were how many, I can't think of how to put, just regular people that don't have a job in the lifestyle or aren't, say, content people. Just regular people watching it said, oh, my God, I can't wait to tell my family to watch this, to tell my friends to watch this. So it's literally can be used as a tool to help. You want to know about me? Here, watch this documentary. This will help you understand what we're doing.
And then three different counselors were there that all said they would absolutely use it with their clients to help them. Here, watch this documentary. This will give you a primer to what this is about.
And that's really, you know, i describe it as this documentary was made by cautious but curious people for cautious but curious people like that's this is made for this is this is literally made for people that are are open-minded enough that they're curious about something, but they're cautious because the favorite feedback that I have gotten in general is how many people, when I sent it out, we sent it out over the course of editing to about 30 some people to get feedback while we were editing, right?
And most of them were couples because we tend to believe that's who the majority of our audience will be. Sure, yep. And almost every one of them said, we kept having to stop it so we could talk.
I guess that's what it's for because plenty of couples let's say let's say that you know netflix picks it up um then uh and some couple decides you know they want to watch it well the fact is no matter how close that couple is it's two individuals watching this and they're going to have two different responses to things and we wanted this to be something that created conversation not conflict so we really tried to approach it from the standpoint of reassuring people there's no pressure everybody gets to do this their own way and just talk about it you know because you know there's going to be plenty of just to be tropish there's going to be lots of couples watching where the guy is going to be gung-ho.
Hey, this sounds like fun. Let's do this. And the woman is going to be, whoa, rein it in. I'm not sure if I'm ready. It'll often be the other way as well. But I just think that's a common scenario. And we wanted both people in that couple to know there's no pressure. That's right. The point is to have the conversation. That's right. Not to feel like, you know, if you don't do this, you're not as cool or, you know. Yes, absolutely. How has the process changed you? Like now that you've interviewed all these people, you've made this film, do you feel like it's changed you?
You know, I think, ultimately, that's what I would say. So much of my lifestyle journey has been making this film.
And my, you know, just when I say my self-esteem has, has gone up, watch, or I mean, over the last few years, I would say it's largely because of making this documentary you know we've gone to some events we've gone to some parties we've gone to some hotel takeovers um but i think for me it's been interacting with all of these people and just just seeing how real everyone is and how vulnerable they are and how individual everyone is um it's just made me more appreciative of myself and what i bring to the table and and um of all the work that you've done are you most proud of this one you know um yeah um i've done some really cool projects.
I've got another film that's on Amazon. I built my own house years ago. I've done a lot of really cool things in my life. And I've had to learn to become more appreciative of where I've been in my life.
and that's been great but boy this this has been a big one this has been um you know whatever challenges i run into with it and people's hesitation and people's even complaints and questions and and so on uh i get to feel very strong about uh no lies detected like like there's nothing but truth in this documentary because again we don't say anything like this is easy we we talk plenty about this is not easy this is a challenge this is it requires certain things and if you're if you're thinking uh you know our relationship isn't going well let's try opening up our marriage That's probably not going to go well.
You know, if our communication isn't great, that's probably not going to go well. There are risks to being outed. You know, we talk about, you know, I mean, you see in the clip that Naughty Jim talks about some of the challenges they went through when they were outed. So we we talk about some of challenges. So that was my next question. What story, if any, hurt you to hear? What hurts you? Because you got to dig very deep with a lot of people, it sounds like. What kind of broke your heart?
You know, I hate hearing about, Of course of course lost friendships and there's plenty of them uh lost family relationships um you know there's some people that yeah we're very close to certain family members there are several people we talk to who come from religious backgrounds and you know people that they were very close to in their church uh or people in their family that they were very close to that now just can't literally feel that they cannot talk to them anymore because it would be going against their own beliefs and um and you know people it's it stinks.
Parent child relationships are challenging enough as it is. And to hear about so many people whose whose parents won't talk to them now because they've chosen a life different than what they're comfortable with. That's that's always upsetting. Yeah.
You yeah you know on the other just real quick on the other hand one of my favorite interviews in the whole documentary are jim and pam which are this octogenarian couple that discovered all of this in their 70s wow they did not even discover this until until their 70s and and here they are living their authentic lives now the the man did not he remembers being homophobic like in the 80s and 90s and now he's bisexual like hardcore he's got a girlfriend and a boyfriend and his main partner and you know they're they're in their 80s and they're living their lives they're loving every minute of and that's just story yeah yeah story that's a good story yeah head into my question what surprised you the most about um doing the documentary but i guess that's a good yeah what's like the biggest surprise that hit you i think that's it that's a good one that was a good one yeah that was that hit you?
I think that's it. That's a good one. That was a good one. Yeah, that was a good one. Go back to that. I think somebody had. Oh, we think we got a question. Yes. It says Sweet Talker, the Duchess Kashmir says that I really felt like I was talking about my relationship, not my sex life. Ah, I felt very comfortable.
Yeah oh that was that was a fun interview too i loved meeting them and we we shot uh we shot some of her performances uh while i was down there that's awesome yeah yeah so we put out one we have one video of i think we did her intro that she does for a podcast and we've put one of those out. It's on our YouTube channel. And yeah, I'll reshare it again on Instagram and Twitter soon. That's awesome. That's awesome. So let's see. So as far as like challenges that you had to overcome in making this documentary, was there ever a time when you thought about hanging it up? No, I'm very stubborn.
So every once in a while, believe me, every once in a while, because I knew this was going to be such a long process. I didn't know how long, but I think two years, you know, I'm not surprised. I did, at times, I would wonder, is my passion for this going to endure? Am I ever going to get to a point where I regret doing this? You know, just curious. Do I ever feel like I'm going to change my mind? Like, oh, this isn't what I thought. And maybe because I'll be the first to admit, I'm naive. Everybody knows it. I'm naive. I'm an idealist. I believe everything you tell me.
That's more of an autism thing. But I'm very optimistic and idealistic. And I thought, am I ever going to regret this? And well, you know, we never know. We don't know what is coming down the road, but I just kept thinking, no, I feel, I feel very strong about what I want to say here about this. This is real. People are really experiencing and, and not everyone will, not everyone is experiences it the same way. And again. Again, my partner Jane is having some real struggles with some things, including body image issues. She's going through perimenopause right now, no fun for any woman.
And so she's struggling with some things that we talk about in this documentary. So it's not universal, but it doesn't take away the fact that it does happen lots of people uh men and women um experience body positivity and increased self-esteem as an example and and i just stand by that i feel very strongly that that these are important messages that that i want to get out there and so, I've never wavered. I just had a lot of credit cards and just kept charging. I love it. We got, oh, no, we got one more question. The last question. So why do you think people need to see the movie?
um yeah i i mean for me for me um while non-monogamy in and of itself is not for everyone i do absolutely believe that every individual and every relationship not just couple but relationship so it could be a couple or a throuple or, you know, a polycule could benefit, can benefit from the things that we learn through this experience about communication and authenticity and self-esteem and intimacy.
And, you know, there's a few people that say that in the documentary um it's i just i again i feel like the the pitch for the documentary is um we're uh what is it again god i'm so disoriented nowadays but okay we talk about um the ways that uh ethical non-monogamy can impact individuals and relationships. We don't say it does. We say it can. Because, again, it's going to hit everybody differently. But that can is, oh, no, this can positively impact anyone who's willing to pause and just take a breath and pay attention.
And so what I would love to see is lots and lots of people watch this documentary, choose to explore non-monogamy or not, but just take from it the lessons of we need to talk more. Let's talk more about who we are and what we want and how we get there and what we're willing to do and not willing to do. Let's talk more. Let's communicate more. So that's really what I'm hoping for and why I would love to see lots of people watch it. I love it. Yes. And as promised, I want to give you a lot of gushing for this thing. Again, we saw the 10 minute clip. It really spoke to us.
It's something that we really believe in. We want to wish you the absolute best, man. And if there's anything that we can do with our little show to help you out, we are willing to do it. We, you know, we believe in you. We believe in the people that you had on there.
So we know that, you know, the people that you had giving information these are good people who know what the hell they're talking about um so we will definitely co-sign anything that they're signing on with you like it is this is going to be a great project great yeah and we're gonna be great because i was watching it i was like wait where the rest yeah yeah she wanted to see the rest of Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what I will. I'll send you again here, the link to that 10 minute clip and you're welcome to share that on any of your social media. Okay. Yeah.
And love for people to watch that clip and get excited about it. I think that'd be great. We'll do whatever we can to share distribute it, whatever you need us to do. Because again, this is something that we totally believe in. We are appreciative of you taking the time and swiping the credit cards and talking to all these people to get this thing done because the world needs it. And I think the world is ready for it. And I think they're going to be very, very receptive to the way that you're delivering. It's informative, it's entertaining, and it just looks good. Yes, it looks good.
So it's very, very well done. And we're wishing you the absolute best. If you want to take a minute to share your socials, share your information, how people can reach out to you or show support or whatever it is. Go for it. Feel free. So I'm terrible at the social media thing, but our website is openjourneylove.com. Instagram, we're at openjourneylove. YouTube channel is at openjourneylove. We're also on threads and TikTok.
I think they're both at open journey love but i don't know anything on either of them um and then on twitter we're actually at swing troverts because uh that happened before the documentary and we're introverts and so we called it swing troverts i like it i like that's our that's our twitter handle and so yeah so those are those are all our social media things. And then, yeah, like I said, I'll send you the link again to that 10 minute clip. It's the first 10 minutes of the documentary. So people can see how it starts off and, you know, the kind of tone we have.
And yeah, we'd love to get people's feedback, you know.
yeah for sure for sure well thank you to all of our sweet talkers that joined in in the chat and that was um get people's feedback you know yeah for sure for sure well thank you to all of our sweet talkers that joined in in the chat and that was um responding back and forth to each other and they're saying they're so excited to see it and to share it with people we love um they're excited to see the video yep they're saying they're excited to see what's next yeah thank you yeah excellent thank you uh thank you very much roger if you want to hang on for just a second I don't know.
They're saying they're excited to see what's next. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Excellent. Thank you. Thank you very much, Roger. If you want to hang on for just a second. Thanks everyone for joining us in the chat. We really appreciate it. And we will talk to y'all soon. Bye. Thanks everybody. Again, we'd like to thank you for living a sweet life with us. To everyone who couldn't join us live in the suite, check out our podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, Google Play, and iHeartRadio.
Be sure to subscribe rate and review feel free to email us at living the sweet life podcast at gmail.com you can also follow us on instagram at the sweet life podcast and on Twitter at SweetLifePod. Don't forget to subscribe to us on our YouTube channel at Living the Sweet Life Podcast so that you can be a sweet talker the next time. So do you have anything else to say to our lovely guests? Until next time.
