Tuesday Talks: When Your Partner Loses Interest in the Lifestyle

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. A podcast by swingers for swingers. Where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts. Learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net, you create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Tuesday Talks, just send your questions to Dan and Lacey. Tuesday Talks, Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday Talks, Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note? That's perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy. And Southern Girl. You almost missed that. Episode of Tuesday Talks. We are. Talking Tuesday. Mm-hmm. We're dancing. You're cute. All right. You ready? Yeah. Let's go to the phone lines and hear this week's question. Hey, my name is Wynn and I love your show, love the podcast, and love your Tuesday Talks. I have a question for you that hopefully you can shed some light on. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for four years. It was actually her. to get into it, but in the last year and a half, her interest in it has reigned, and she just doesn't seem to be enjoying it, and we really backed off of it. We are going to a resort, a swingers resort, later this year. Right now, what we're going with is the expectation that we're just going to play with each other and enjoy the environment and getting to know people just But she hasn't been real clear on why she's not into it anymore. She used to really enjoy it, and now she's been able to seem to. So, didn't know if you had any insight as to what that might be, how to kind of bring it back, or questions to ask to figure out if she still wants to do it and find ways to enjoy it, or just where to go from here. Thanks. All right. Can you relate to that? His name is Lynn. And he has questions. His wife used to love the lifestyle. Yeah. She was her idea. She got him into the lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. And now, four years into it, it seems like her interest is not as much. Can you relate to that? Yeah. And he's wondering why. And what can he do? And what conversations do they need to have? Yeah. So yeah, this one actually strikes a chord, right? We've been talking a lot about the podcast here recently. Yeah. And currently, we're kind of in that. I'm struggling with it. We have been in that or similar, something like that. And this is the thing. We'll talk about this. So I feel like we've been kind of in this since your parents moved in, and then especially once your dad died and things like that. We've kind of been in a little bit of a funk. But then I say that, and I look at our last trip to Hedo, I look at our last trip to Secrets, and we weren't in a funk. So there is this... It's like an overall... But moments of fun and excitement along the way. So maybe it's you're not you don't seem as excited about it. But once you get there, you always have fun. And that is true. You always have fun. Oh, 100%. Yeah. So I guess like, obviously, I can very much relate to this. And I cannot put my thing. He was like, kind of wondering, like, why this is or like a lot of questions of like, you know, what can he do? Like, you know, He said they've been doing it for four years. We've been doing it together for five years. Yeah. So it's a similar timeline. Well, we've been married for five years, so we've been doing it longer. Okay. It's a little longer. So the truth is, I don't have an answer as to why I'm feeling like this. I do think that it is okay to feel this way. I think that life, you go through ups and downs and twists and turns, and you're not always the same level with everything. I like to say or I like to say that swinging is kind of like a hobby and I think especially with hobbies in life and things that are going on sometimes you're like really interested in it it's like a lot of fun and it's exciting and other times you're kind of just like a little bit over it and get burnt out yeah and I definitely feel that I'm in like a valley of the lifestyle I think that it has a lot to do with it personally so I don't know his wife I can't speak for her I can only tell you for me I think definitely my parents getting to say and my priorities shifting was probably the start of it. I think my dad dieting definitely affected me a lot and is still affecting me. I think turning 40 and my body is changing and things are happening and I'm kind of struggling with my hormones and getting all that correct. I think that's definitely a part of it. I think that the podcast and the popularity of everything for me has made it harder for me to like really just relax and enjoy it because it is a job I mean it's a fun job it's a badass job and I love it but it it is kind of not the sex part that's not a job but the like hosting and being upbeat and being excited and feeling like you're always under a microscope kind of yes yeah so all of those things are kind of like where my head is and that's a lot of things and it's a lot of heavy things and so I just think for me It just has kind of taken a toll on it. I 100% love the lifestyle. I 100% agree with everything that we sit down and talk about on this podcast. I think non-monogamy works for us. Even if I'm not actively sleeping with someone else, I love lifestyle people. I love lifestyle parties. I love the lifestyle community. And I always want to be around it. And so I think for me, that's why I'm not like, oh, I don't want to go. because I love all the people. I love the atmosphere and the energy and all those things make me happy. And then if I engage in sex and find a situation where we're swapping or whatever, that's just a bonus for me at this point. And I'm doing things to kind of combat all of those things that I talked about. I'm in counseling. I'm working with a doctor for my hormones. I'm working with a doctor for like my mental health and those things. I actually was just tested for adult ADHD, which can have some effects on my anxiety just today. So I'm like working on all of those things. And I hope that eventually I'll kind of like work through that. Does that make sense? No, no, I think, I think you, I mean, you just said a lot, but I think, I think it's important maybe for him to hear, you know, the things that you're going through, because maybe one or two of those might strike a chord with him and his wife. So I think that's important. I will say, and I don't know what age they are, but we have several friends that are of similar age to you or maybe even in some cases a little bit older are in that pre-menopause or menopause stage. And it does seem like for a lot of women that can have an effect specifically on their libido. Yeah. And if, you know, if that. Especially talking to my friends and a lot of other women who are around my age are like, you know, when I told them like my testosterone levels, they were like, Oh my gosh. No wonder you. And I've been on testosterone since like August. It's October. You just had it rechecked and it's still low. It's still extremely low. So they actually just got my medicine today to increase it so we can try to get it. You know, so it's it's all like a work in progress. It's not anything that I can like just fix overnight. Yeah. And I will say I do think like you're saying that you're in a valley right now as far as. It's not even. It's like you're. your desire to engage, I think. Yeah, it's the desire. Yeah, and it's not even once you're – I mean, we've probably partied harder in the last year than we have in the last seven years, eight years. So it's not that. It's that transition from the dance floor or whatever to the playroom. For you, I think it is specifically the sex part. Now more than ever, we're used to be like, let's have an orgy. Get all our friends. Let's go, Dan. Let's go fuck. Now you're like, can we just go to bed? Like, I'm over it. I'm tired. I'm tired. Yeah. And so trying to figure out that is where we're at. So, and I don't know if that's like that for his husband or for his wife or what their situation is. But I do think if you're aging, hormones is something to look into. I do think, you know, he said specifically, well, I don't know what it is that her, you know, why she feels this way. So, you know, maybe the first step I would recommend is sit down and have a conversation. and say, hey, I've noticed you don't seem as excited about lifestyle or lifestyle events or lifestyle parties as you used to be. You know, what do we think that is? And then maybe kind of run through the gambit. But the truth is, if it wasn't for this podcast and us having this like kind of designated time each week to sit down and talk about these issues, I don't. I mean, obviously, OK, my parents are sick. My dad died. You know, like that is a flashing red light as to what could possibly be. be wrong. But a lot of the other stuff are kind of underlining things that maybe we weren't so, like, we're kind of forced to talk about these things. So the truth is, is when he asked her that, she might not know. Right. You know, like this. Well, and then I think, though, but if you sit down and you say, hey, I have noticed. It starts a conversation. Right. You don't seem as into this as you used to be. Can we talk about that? And then maybe start with, well, what parts about the lifestyle do you enjoy? Yeah. Like, what parts do you like? What parts do you maybe not enjoy? Or what parts do you maybe have anxiety about? Right? Because it could be, you know, we're talking about hormones and things like that. But maybe it's a body issue. Maybe it's a self-confidence thing, right? Oh, for sure. I can see if, you know, and I don't know, I'm just saying things. So none of this is probably true. But so maybe she just had a baby and now she's not, she doesn't feel confident in her body. And so maybe. Yeah, it could be like a laundry list of things. It could be one thing. It could be five things. It could be ten things. It could be something that she's not even aware of. Right. important to note. Another part of the question that he said that I think is, like, he just wants advice, like, what should he should do? And you're right, he should definitely ask her, you know, how she's feeling. I will say that, for me, where I struggle is when we go to the parties. In this case, he's going to a lifestyle resort. So, automatically, there is built-in pressure. Even though he's sitting there saying, babe, we're just going to go. No, no expectations. That's what everybody says, right? Yeah, that's what everybody says. Even if he could say all the right things, in the back of her mind, she's thinking. He could say them and genuinely mean them. For sure. If it was me, in the back of my mind, I'd be like, this trip cost $5,000. I know he wants to get laid. Or I don't know what your dynamic is. He wants to watch me get laid. Or whatever the case may be. There is There's automatic pressure in there, even without, even with him being the most genuine, kind soul there is. So I think he has to tread as lightly as he can. He's in enemy territory, kind of. He's like, you know, I mean, like anything he could do could make this turn bad. But as little as pressure as he could put on her, the better, I think, definitely play to her. So like, if she's like, Let's go to the room. Let's just go to the room. I don't know. Maybe even having those type of conversations ahead of time. I do think we should talk about those things and I think those are like ultimately communicating about these things. The more you can communicate, the better. To me, that's like pre-planning issues. Well, no, I don't. And I guess the reason I think of this, though, is because, like, you know, obviously you've been in a similar situation where you're not overly excited, specifically about the playtime, I think, at events. Well, me and you have talked about that. And then, like, going into Hedo or going into some of the other events, you kind of said to me, well, I've, you know, I came to the conclusion that, like, yeah, I might not be super excited about going to the playroom, but I know my husband is excited about it and I'm okay with that. So maybe we just go and I, you know, maybe go not thinking like just to be there and support my husband, even if I'm not like actively engaging, you know, with a bunch of other people. And then you did that and then you ended up engaging and having fun. You know what I mean? So like, I don't, I don't really know the answer, but maybe they can kind of talk through some of these scenarios. Because then something could be said like, but did you engage because you felt pressure to engage because everybody else around you is engaging. And so you kind of felt like, yeah, you ended up having, and you're glad you win but did you really want to be there in the first place you know so like I totally agree with what you're saying and I that's a very fine line um for sure and I mean honestly we're about to go on the bliss cruise like two weeks um a little over two weeks so I mean like these are all conversations that you and I could have leading up to it um because I don't know the answer you know do do I even now like two weeks out do I want to go and be in the playroom every single And I'm like, no, not really. That sounds awful. Which is funny because that's how we've lived the last five years of our life. You know, right? Like, I guess maybe my lifestyle changed. Like, maybe I'm like, because, like, at Secrets, we had, like, one good orgy. And I was happy. I felt really good about it. I enjoyed my time. Like, I was good. And so, like, thinking about, like, in eight or five, I don't know how many days the Blitz Cruise is. I don't know, a lot. Thinking about like a multiple day cruise, I'm like, oh, that sounds like a lot of sex. And I think that right there is probably like my hormones being off because that's not me. Like we used to have sex like three and four times a day. That's definitely like a shift. And it's not even, it's just overall, I'm just, it seems like a lot of work. Like to put on lingerie and like go and like, I'd just rather snuggle in my heat and watch a show. That seems like a lot of fun. Yeah. That's definitely a shift. Yeah. For sure. That is a huge shift. And I feel bad. I carry some guilt with that. I don't want to take away from your... Maybe. Is this why some people play separately? I don't know. Is this how their shift changed? I don't know. But... I don't know. Yeah. No, I think that's all important things to talk about. But I do. One thing, you know, to start with is the hormone thing. And I think that's, you know, yours being so low is part of part of it. But maybe it's just part of growing and changing. And like you're saying, you know, changing play styles and things like that. So all of that to say, you need to sit down and have a conversation. Yeah. And there is no, you know, as you hear, we don't even know the answer at this point in time. I am the girl and I don't even know what to tell you. to do. So I don't know what I need. And that's the truth. You're probably going to fumble through it. She's probably going to fumble through it. Um, and that's okay. I'm, I'm hoping personally, this is a season for me and as for you as well. And I'm hoping that, um, it gets better sooner. So I love sex. I love coming. I love squirting. I, I, I want to do all the things. So, um, yeah. No, but I, and I think I think that is the answer is at the end of the day we know we're going to go on the bliss cruise we know we're going to have fun we know at some point in time we're going to have naughty fun while we're there now whether it's us having amazing orgies every single night of the bliss cruise or it only happening maybe once or twice on the bliss cruise at the end of the day it's not like none of that is life you know I mean like it's a win either way you know and I think that's really where you have to put your head at like we're going on a fun vacation together right like All the extra stuff is just fun. Exactly. And we're going to have fun no matter what. No matter how many encounters we have with others. Yeah. So I think that's really what matters. Yeah. All right. So I hope that helps answer your Tuesday Talk question. For your smud. Or at least gets you started in the right direction on how to talk about it. If you have a Tuesday Talk question, we would love to hear from you. We could use some more. Really? Our well is a little light right now. Oh. There's a few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Theswingnation at gmail. You can also email us an audio file if you want to pre-record whatever you have to say ahead of time and then email it. You can do that or you can call us. And that number is? Well, it's call or text. Call or text. And that number is? 972-302-7716. One more time. 972-302-7716. Right. So you can leave us a voicemail or if you don't, feel comfortable sharing your voice. You can text us and we get those as well. So we hope to hear from you and we'll try to answer your questions. Yeah. All right. Anything else for the Swing Nation listeners? I think that's it. All right, guys. I think with that in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. 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