Tuesday Talks: Struggling to Relax in Group Rooms?

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the activists, learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net, you create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Tuesday Talks, just send your questions to Dan and Lacey. Tuesday Talks. Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday Talks. Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note? That was perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy. And Southern Girl. And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks. We are. Talking Tuesday. All right. Are you ready for this week's question? I am. I kind of heard it a little bit while I was back there shipping. So. All right. Well, let's see. Let's go to the phone lines. Hi, Dan and Lacey. This is Mr. Rabbit. My question for Dan today. I was also in the military for a long time. So I'm curious if you've ever had an issue like No one has ever had this issue. My wife and I are newer to the lifestyle, and we've had a lot of fun in some smaller and more private settings. But we recently tried a big group room, open room setting, and man, Miss Rabbit absolutely loved everything about it. The sounds, the stairs, eye contact, everything. But for me, it was very difficult to focus on the task at hand. I've noticed since I've separated that I tend to still evaluate everyone that enters the room. It's almost like a threat check or something. I would honestly love nothing more than to just ignore them and focus on the lovely women around me. I'm guessing this is probably something I just have to work through, but I was hoping you might have some advice for people that maybe feel a similar way. Again, small rooms, totally fine. But the big room, yeah, no, that was not a room for me. But she had a ton of fun. So we both had fun. We love your show. And we thank you guys for all you do. And hope you have a wonderful pineapple day. See you guys. All right. So Mr. Rabbit has a question. This is actually a question I think that will relate to a lot of people. But I think he's coming at it from a little bit different perspective and one that I personally can relate to. And I think probably a lot of people that have maybe served in the military can. Or even, you know, first responders and police officers and things like that. So let's see. I've been out of the military two years now. I think the last time I was in a combat zone was probably like 10 years ago almost at this point. So it's been a while. But when we go and sit in a restaurant. I know. I got to sit. Where do I sit? Your back cannot be facing the door. And I've actually gotten better at that because we actually were just in Nashville with a bunch of people. your friends. And obviously, when you're with a group and we all go get to sit down, like, they don't know that. And so I won't be like, I need to sit there. Can you move? But I do think about it, you know, when we sit down and stuff like that. I think about it for you. It's like, I know, because usually I'm leading or I'm kind of in the front. Yeah, yeah. And so I usually pick a seat that I know that where you can see. Yeah. Yeah. So I was, so if you're listening to the Swing Nation podcast for the first time, welcome. But I was in the military for 21 years, and I did four deployments overseas. And I actually have been diagnosed with PTSD. And so part of that, and I would say when I first got back from combat, it was probably more noticeable than it is now. I think with time, some of those reactions go away. But, you know, I did the classic, if there's trash in the road, you swerve around it kind of stuff. I did the, you know, if you're in rooms, you're always paying attention to the doorways and who's in the room. And the listener here, Mr. Rabbit, said something about doing a threat assessment, and you're taught that in the military, and I'm sure police officers are as well, that when somebody walks in the room, you're evaluating them. Are they a military-aged male? What kind of clothes are they wearing? Could they be concealing a weapon? And so you're just taught those things. And when you're in a combat zone, that can be a matter of life and death on how quick you make that reaction. If there's a vehicle speeding at you, whether that's just somebody driving like an idiot or a car bomb, is a decision you have to make in a matter of seconds and it's life or death so it's it's really serious for a lot of combat veterans that now trying to transition back to the normal world and stop doing that it's not something you just stop doing it's almost like you mentioned today like you were having a conversation with yourself like that's almost what you have to do is like oh i'm doing that thing i'm okay i don't need to do that thing it's that's just a car like it's it's okay you know and so i think i've learned some of that i mean i did go to a therapist for a while. I didn't like that. So I stopped going. I maybe should be going. But it is a thing. PTSD is an actual real thing. And a lot of combat veterans have to deal with that. I think it's important to acknowledge that that may be coming into play in this type of situation. Now, separate from that, I think a lot of people who have never served in combat and maybe don't have PTSD can still relate to what he's talking about. Especially in a lifestyle setting. Especially the male. I would say I still watch. for people around, but I can definitely see how the men are kind of like the protectors of the women in that case. And so a lot of times the women can be a little bit more carefree because they know that the men are keeping an eye out and making sure that they're safe. But I will say even myself, I still in a group play area, I'm aware of who's around me. Yeah. Me and you have had these conversations before and it's something that I don't think a lot of males really understand. is that women are always doing that threat assessment. Like you've said to me several times, like, you know, I don't walk back to my car at night, you know. Well, there's been a couple of times where like we've been in a rest area and he took too long in the bathroom and I didn't have the keys to the car. So I'm at the rest area, like kind of. Exposed. Exposed. And I have no car to get into, no cell phones. My cell phone's in the car because we just hopped out. And I've tried to explain to you that women have to be very careful. of that. To me, that's very scary to be left alone with no way. I can't fight off an intruder as hard as I probably could. I probably wouldn't win. I think women in general have that built-in sense of you got to keep an eye out, make sure you're safe. You almost have PTSD just from life. You're just used to living life that way. You wouldn't even call it PTSD. That's just part of your reality as a woman in today's world. It's interesting. I definitely relate to Mr. Rabbit and can understand what he's saying. And then I think a lot of people can relate. So when you go, you know, to put the PTSD and the military part aside, a lot of issues that people have in big playrooms is that distraction factor. Yeah. So that the fact that there's people in that room that you don't know, you don't know their intentions. And let's be honest, sometimes there are creepy people that end up in these rooms that try to get too close to try to, you know, grab ass or something like that. I think the way we handle it in, I guess, to caveat a little bit we love group play yeah it's like our favorite thing we do so we get it but you know it has its advantages and its disadvantages and that's definitely one that you kind of have to work through yeah and kind of i don't think you'll ever be off guard but i feel like you can find a way to enjoy yourself while still surveying what's around you yeah now something we have so i'll give you a few mr rabbit i'll give you a few maybe things that might help you yeah uh in this case so something that we've done is when we go into public play spaces, sometimes we'll almost put all the girls in the middle. Yeah. So the guys will almost do like a little, we'll circle up, so to speak. Yeah. And we'll try to kind of keep the females in the middle. Now, once things get started, it can kind of get crazy. But for the most part, our group is corralled. Yeah. It's like protecting within. Yeah. Right. So we get on a big bed and we just kind of circle up and we kind of put the girls in the middle and just kind of, and if somebody approaches. Or even if there's like a new couple that maybe has never done it, or something like that and they're nervous we'll even put them like on the end and block them in or put them like right in the middle so and everyone obviously that is they are knows that you know what their boundaries are and stuff like that so you can even do stuff like that you're positioning yourself in a way in the play space where it makes it more difficult for outsiders to kind of intrude into your your play space so that's one way of doing it now if if you just can't get over the if there's strangers in this room and I can't focus on what I'm doing because I'm always uncomfortable that there's, you know, that I'm having to evaluate what's going on outside of me. What I would suggest is you can still do group play, but bring a group of your friends back to a private room, right? And honestly, that's probably our favorite way to play. It is our favorite, yeah. And so what I'm talking about here is if you have two, three, four couples that you know, that you trust, that you have connection with, going into a hotel room or maybe a playroom, you can close the door and lock it. It changes the whole atmosphere. Yeah, I like doing both. Because I think there is a thrill to knowing that it's like a double-edged sword. There are strangers there, which is kind of hot and sexy because you know there are strangers there. But then on the flip side, there are strangers there. So I think I like to do two ways. Let's say if it's a hotel takeoff, you've got Friday and Saturday. Maybe Friday night, go in to the playrooms, get in the middle of the bed and just have fun. makes you not worry as much. Yeah, and you can even, we've done that where we didn't want to be on the big bed, so we kind of like lifted the curtain in between two beds and pushed them together and kind of made our own. Like our own private group room. Yeah, but it still has the sheer curtains around us, so it's still pretty much, like somebody could walk in, somebody could open it. That would be inappropriate, but, so we still get the advantages of being in the open, but kind of private off. Yeah. And you can work your way up to it. You know, if like if maybe that was a little much maybe like step back a little and maybe do some some semi you know private and then kind of let your guard down I will say that like even even though I know Dan is watching I'm always watching because and I'm people ask me a lot like how do you this is like a different topic but it kind of goes with this like how do you be in group big group plates if you don't want to fuck essentially every single person in that group I'm really good about like maneuvering myself like once I get done with one person, I don't just like scoot over to the next. I typically will stand up. I'll find a towel. I walk myself up. It's kind of like checking, like surveying the room. And then I will purposely put myself where I'm the most comfortable. So like if there's somebody that I'm not super interested, I mean, we're good friends, but maybe I don't want to necessarily fuck them. I will maybe go to the other side and kind of sit there. Or if I see there's a creepy guy over on one side, I'm going to go to the opposite side. So I think doing things like that kind of helps anyway. It does me anyway. So I think that could help him. Yeah. And I think, you know, speaking from the male perspective, as far as performance anxiety and getting erections, that is the hardest place to do it is in these big group playrooms. And I would even say, you know, now that I'm thinking about it, and I probably didn't even realize this until he pointed this out, is, you know, I think about when we were at the fishbowl at Tempted, right? So just to describe it real quick, the fishbowl room attempted is just a glassed-in room. And so people can stand outside the glass and they can watch. But it doesn't have a door, but it has a... Red rope. A rope, right? So you can close the rope, which means I don't want anybody else in this room. So we went in there with a group of our friends, closed the rope. There was tons of people watching, but I was much more... I didn't have as much performance anxiety. I wasn't as worried about other people because we're in a room with a closed rope and it just felt a little more secure. Like you didn't have to... your guard wouldn't have to be as much. Yeah. Well, and he said they're newer to the lifestyle. That's where ED medication kind of comes in. Like Dan doesn't, he doesn't need ED medication. Like me and you don't ever have any issues. Well, I need it for these situations. But you need it for this. It's not because you can't get hard. It's because sometimes you get a little in your head or there's a lot going on or, you know, you're thinking about 14 different things instead of what you're doing. And that's why you take it for situations like this. Yeah. Yeah, I'll tease this a little bit. Maybe I'll wait until we'll probably need to get him back on the podcast. But Shameless Care is actually working on developing a medicine purposely for performance anxiety, which is actually really – and it's going about it in a different and interesting way. Yeah. And so I'm excited for that to come out. Yeah. And I think it might be a good product for a lot of people. Yeah, I think so. Because it's a medicine that's specifically tailored for what you're talking about. Yeah. Is that anxiety that comes from being in a room, not necessarily the I need more blood flow to my penis kind of aspect. Yeah. We actually just had a call with Shameless. If you don't know, they're one of our sponsors. And we've never really, which this is kind of like a Shameless plug, but we'll take two minutes to do it. We've never really openly talked about it, but Dan doesn't just take Viagra or Cialis. You want to tell them kind of like what you do just since we're- I'm sorry. We've already, we've got, we're only at 14 minutes coming. You've got to answer this question. Yeah. So for a while now, I've been taking one pill of Cialis throughout the day. Yeah. Like in the morning when you wake up. And then I take, and then what I do is generally before we go to a playroom, I'll take a Viagra. Like 30 minutes before. Right. And I have been doing this for years at this point. I talked to my doctor about it and he's like, no, you're fine. It shouldn't be an issue. But I was never really 100% sure if this was how the medicine was supposed to be used. So we never really publicly talked about it on the podcast because we didn't want to, well, obviously we're not doctors or medical professionals, so we didn't want to give anybody wrong information. Right. And then we started noticing last week that we got some emails from Shameless, which is one of our sponsors. So they're coming out with a product that's called Shameless Duo. And I was like, Dan, it's what you do. And it's literally, they've combined the Cialis or the whatever, Viagra and Cialis, whatever the off-brand names are for those. They've combined those two medicines into one pill for that very reason. You take it before you have sex and it gets you hard then. But then you have it in your system for 24 hours. And you only do this at events. So we don't do this at home. He doesn't do this at home. So it's only like once a night. And it's really not even for like a club night. It's more for like a secrets, right? So if you're in the pool all day and like some random hot girl wants to suck your dick, like I want to have a little extra something in my system so that all that works, right? And it's just, you know, that performance anxiety. If you're in a pool with 300 people, you know, you might need a little extra help to perform. So that's what the Cialis comes in. But Cialis isn't, for me anyway, it's not like an immediate, it's not like I'm on my way to a playroom, let me take a Cialis and I'll get hard. That's where Viagra works better for me. So I've kind of been doing both for a while now. And now there's a medication that's specifically designed for that. That was a shameless plug. Like shameless because it's called shameless because we did it. But if that's something you're interested in, this is not a scheduled ad. It felt like it was right to talk about it. And it was something that's been on our mind. You can go to theswingnation.info. And if you scroll to, if you click, Yeah, it's at the bottom. Find the shameless care icon and it'll take you over there and you can go check that out. But anyway, the only reason I brought up ED medication is he did say he didn't mention ED medication. And if you're newer in the lifestyle, I can see where maybe that's not a thing. But it was something that I would recommend if you are having, if you're doing group playrooms and having that performance anxiety. Yeah. It does help with that. Correct. Oh, God. Sorry. Okay. So I think we answered that question, right? So if you're having problems with group play in private settings. You can do group play in semi-private, so going behind a curtain or a sheer curtain where you still get all the sights and sounds of a playroom, but you feel a little bit more secure. Or even just positioning yourself in a certain way, like if your friend group forms a circle up somewhere or goes up to the end of the bed where you're kind of in a corner or something like that. We've even taken over entire big group beds and just not let anybody else on the bed. And again, kind of positioning them the males in certain spots, especially the males that are more like, hey, no thank you, the more outspoken males, maybe the more intimidating ones, putting them in places to kind of guard the group. We've done things like that. And so that's not uncommon. That's all ways I think that things that you can do that will help you feel more comfortable. No, you're not alone. And also thank you for your service. I really appreciate. We've heard from a lot of fellow veterans or military people that have reached out and commented. So that means a lot. having your guys' support. You need to be careful talking about it. No, I don't. Yeah, people. Yeah. Sorry. Somebody wrote us a message and said I have to be careful because the military might recall me and then. Take your money. And then, yeah, kick me out or something. We're good. Thank you. If they do that, I'll make sure it goes on. It'll be on 60 Minutes, I promise you. If they target me like that, it'll be everywhere. But anyway, I appreciate the question. If you have a Tuesday Talk question, we would love, to hear from you. And there's a few different ways you can get ahold of us. You can email us at theswingnation at gmail.com, theswingnation at gmail.com. Or you can text us or leave your voicemail. We prefer voicemails. That's my favorite way. Text is probably second and then email. And then if you message us on one of the random TikTok or Instagram page, there's a chance we may never see that. So try calling. If you don't feel comfortable calling, text us. If you don't feel comfortable texting us, send us an email. All right, those are the ways to get a hold of us. And that phone number is? 972-302-7716. One more time. 972-302-7716. And also a huge shout out to everybody sending us nude pictures. I need to look. We've got quite a few. And I've responded to all of you. I saved a photo of us at Hedo, me and you together. And I've been responding to those pictures with our own picture. Now I will say, some people have sent pictures. I've sent our picture back. and they've sent more pictures. And I stopped there. It's not. That's enough. It's not. If you're texting us to hope to get a sexting conversation going, that's probably not going to happen. We want to meet you in person and get to know you before we go down there. And that's like our work phone. We don't look at it every day. And that's the other thing. We only check it maybe once a day. So if you do message us and don't hear back from us for a while, it's because that phone generally stays in the office and stuff. All right. I think with that, in a world full of applications, Eat the pineapple. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. 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