Tuesday Talks: How to Find a Partner in the Lifestyle

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net, you create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Tuesday Talks, just send your questions to Dan and Lacey. Tuesday Talks, Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday Talks. Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note? That was perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy. And Southern Girl. And today, we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks. All right. Are you ready for this week's question? I am. Let's go to the phone lines. Hey, Dan and Lacey. It's Barry from New England. Hey, listen, I have a Tuesday talk question for you. I am a single guy. I have been in the lifestyle for about seven years, and I'm looking to partner up and enjoy the lifestyle with a partner. I've tried some traditional apps, haven't had a a lot of success in meeting girls that are interested in wanting to be in the lifestyle. So just wanted to ask you guys a question on where do you think the best place for a single guy would be to find someone to partner up and enjoy the lifestyle together? Appreciate your Tuesday talks. Have a great day. See you soon. All right. So that's Barry from New England. Yeah. And he wants to know, he's been a single male in the lifestyle for seven years. That's a while. Yeah. And he wants to know where he can, Find a female that might be interested in exploring the lifestyle with him. Yes. Now, he does say partner up with. There's been some debate on if he wants like a wife, like a life partner, if he's just looking for someone that they could go to events together. So there's a lot of times singles can't go to events. Yeah. For the sake of the podcast, we have agreed to disagree. Right. So you think he's looking for a life partner. I don't know. But I understand. Dan thinks he's looking for just someone to go to. But maybe I'm a hopeless romantic. I don't know. But I love you and I love this podcast. And so this is our second time doing the podcast. But we had a restart. We had a restart. We did. Because we were having some disagreements on this. Well, I think to answer the question, we have to understand what the question is. This is always the problem with Tuesday talk questions. We need more. We can't ask a follow-up, right? We can't be like, okay, that's your question. Well, what about this, this, and this? And then we can kind of better define our answer. Okay, but can I say this? I think that no matter which the outcome is, if they're your wife, if they're your partner, or if they're just somebody that you get to hang out with, I think you still find them the same place. So all of that is really irrelevant, and we can just answer how to find someone that you'd like to hang out with. and the lifestyle. And if it goes further, great. If it doesn't, that's okay too. I agree. Yeah. And so I think there's, and we see this often that sometimes single males will partner up with single females. Sometimes they'll even partner up with other people's wives to go to events. Yeah. Because it is true that places like Bliss Cruise, you know, Splash Hotel Takeovers, even most clubs on a Saturday night, as a single male, you can't attend. Yeah. And of the places you can attend, And they usually charge you an outrageous amount. So financially, it almost makes more sense to bring a female with you to these events so that you don't get charged an absurd amount of money. So I think there's a lot of reasons a single male might be looking for a female to go and explore the lifestyle with. Financially is one, and then two, access to these events. Now, I also do see if that, you know, Barry is looking for a life partner, and he's been in the lifestyle for seven years, he'd probably find, and wants to find a life partner that's at least open yeah to the idea of all this it would be hard to settle down if this is something that you truly believe in and you meet somebody that's like absolutely not that's kind of hard all right so let's try to help barry so barry said very specifically he's from new england yeah which i do think is important because i do that i do think that's maybe you know if i'm giving app suggestions or something oh yeah it would change what i would give uh and he also says that he's been searching on traditional sites yeah now when he says traditional sites i'm I'm assuming he's meeting things like plenty of fish tinder non-lifestyle because he says the women that he's encountered on these sites don't see open to the lifestyle so I'm assuming they aren't lifestyle sites yeah is that a fair assessment no I think that's a fair assessment I also think it's worth mentioning that Dan and I met in the lifestyle as singles true um so we we should be equipped to answer this question I actually was a unicorn a gentleman basically kind of do what Barry appears to be wanting to do if we take the way that you, your idea of like just finding someone to go to events with. And it ended up turning out pretty crappy. So I think once we figure out how to find it, I can kind of comment on that because I think that's important. But we, we should be able to handle this. Yeah. But if we think about our friend, like, um, uh, California now turned Indiana unicorn. Yeah. She kind of, she met a male through the lifestyle. Yeah. They just got engaged. We've seen quite a few marriages, a few divorces. On our Discord? Yeah, through meeting someone in the lifestyle. So it can definitely happen. All right. So my first suggestion would be get on lifestyle websites, right? So instead of using things like Tinder or Plenty of Fish, get on specifically websites that are meant for the lifestyle. And these types of websites are like STC, SLS, Cassidy, Three Fund, et cetera, et cetera. I was thinking three fun in particular because it typically it's like a single person looking to connect with a couple or something it tends to I think have more singles yeah it tends to have more singles but I could be wrong yeah three fun is a good a great choice if but if you're in a metropolitan so if he's like in Boston or New York or somewhere like that New York City I feel like everybody up there is close to one of those cities that's not true it's not true at all Lacey knows nothing about the north. I feel like... No. If you're somewhere in the sticks of Maine, you're like 15 hours away from one of those cities. Okay. Well, you know what I mean, though. So anyway, but so three fun is if you're in a city, great idea or close to a city. Yeah. Great idea. Of those websites, another one I would recommend would be SLS because SLS is probably the most predominant of those in the northeast. Yeah. So in that region, for whatever reason, SLS is more popular than some of the other ones. So check out a few of those. And shameless plug. If you go to our theswingnation.info and click recommended apps and products, you can find free trials to all of those websites. And that's a good way. Yeah. Like at least get on it and see who's in your area. Before you start paying for it. Right. Yeah. Exactly. So that would be my first suggestion. My second suggestion would be find events or clubs in your area. Yeah. Right. So if you're in the New England area, there are there are. Surely there are events and clubs. I know Philadelphia has a lot going on. I know New York City has some stuff going on. New Jersey. Now, again, if you're in the sticks of Maine or if you're in upstate New York or out in rural Vermont, you might have to travel for that. But there are, like you said, hopefully, if you're not too remote, within a few hours, you can find either a hotel takeover group or a club or something like that. And these websites, STC, SLS, will help. List all of those clubs and will list a lot of those hotel takeovers. So if you're struggling on the apps, going to in-person events where there's going to be a few hundred people, you might have a better chance. Now, I will say whether you're on the apps, whether you're going to the events, finding single females is by far the hardest thing to do in the lifestyle. It is. So you have to be patient. Yeah. And so honestly, I would say a combination of approach of maybe keep looking on Tinder or whatever. the vanilla app is in your region to try to find maybe somebody that's not in lifestyle that might be open to it like keep that search going but also start getting involved in the actual lifestyle community in hopes that you might find somebody that's already lifestyle that might be looking for a partner as well now if you truly are just looking for somebody to go to events and stuff with especially becoming a member of the community i know plenty of couples that would let you take their wife yeah to an event or to a thing you know if you were gonna You know, go to like, hey, I'm going to buy tickets to the Bliss Cruise. I'm just looking for somebody to bring with me. There are probably all kinds of hot wives and stuff that would jump on that opportunity. Yeah, and usually there's like forums. So like, for instance, Bliss Cruise, they have a bunch of Facebook pages for each sailing. And you'll see people comment and say, hey, I'm a single guy. I would really like to find a female to join. And basically, like almost offer to pay for the female, you know, if not cover all of the expenses. because I just really want to come. No strings attached. Whatever your stipulations are. And hopefully find people. And maybe you could say I'd really like to have a connection. So maybe. Whatever you're looking for. Yeah. Just spell that out. Yeah. You just kind of explain it and hopefully you'll have some luck there. I do feel like finding someone either way. A wife. Just someone to take is going to be hard. Unfortunately. I think you're probably going to have better luck if you just find someone. I don't know his age, but he seems fairly he sounded like maybe in his late 20s, 30s. I think a lot of people like in that age the late 20s, they're like much more sexually open. And so finding somebody that maybe is a free spirit that is maybe not in the lifestyle, but is open to kind of whatever Yeah, I think that could be fun in kind of helping her experience and learn about her sexuality and kind of embrace it. I think that could be really fun, especially, I don't know the ages, but you know, I mean, you could find somebody in their 30s and their 20s and their 40s. You can find someone, you know, in any of those age brackets. But it sounds like that's what he's been trying to do. He's been on these vanilla sites trying to look for somebody and that's where he's been struggling. I mean, I think he's going to struggle. I mean, I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I do think you're I think being like we say in every Tuesday talk, being open and honest and communicate what you're looking for, I think you might have a little luck. I don't know. Yeah. And then the only other thing I can think of besides the websites and besides going to clubs and going to events, and then I would still continue your search on the vanilla sites, is find these online communities. So, you know, things like our discords. I mean, we've had several couples who have met each other. That we're singles, yeah. We have regional chats for that kind of thing. Joining things like Swinger Society, Facebook group, and Discord server. And then look for, a lot of times there's Facebook groups that are regional too. Yeah. So you might be able to find New England Swingers group on Facebook. Or if you're in a certain city, Boston Swingers. There's also Reddit pages. Yeah. Some of those are regional. You can find Vermont Swinger Reddit page. or maybe a Vermont Swinger Facebook group and joining some of those pages that are more regionally specific. And then like you said, you could post a picture and say, hey, you know, this is me and this is what I'm looking for. I'm really trying to go on a bliss cruise next year, but I got nobody to go with me. You know, if there's anybody, if you know any single females or, you know. Or if you're like, to me, though, if you're looking for like a life partner, I don't know. I have all the, I have all, I can say so many things. It's all Sam. Well, one, And I almost would be hesitant to do that. Because what if you're on the bliss cruise in the middle of the ocean and the bitch is crazy? You know? Yeah. Like, I mean, I want to go on a bliss cruise. I would assume you'd connect with this person. Okay. Meet them, go on a few dates. And then before you were like, all right. We have known people for a while and then they show they're crazy. I mean, years. So I think that's easier said than done. I think that people can hide their true, you know, thing. Fair. I was saying earlier, uh, I was in a situation where I was a single female and I had like a play partner. We were not dating. Um, went to clubs together and things together. Uh, and one time he wanted to take me to the desire and I was like, hell yeah, I'll go to Mexico for free, you know? And so like he booked it. And then this is back when kit groups were like a thing. I don't know if they still are. Um, but I can remember getting added. to a desired group for that week, you know, like so people can connect. And he was like, you're not allowed to tell anybody that you're single because if you do that, then they're going to like, I'll take you away from me. And then. Right. He started being very controlling of you. Yeah. And then you're like, this isn't fun. Yeah, this isn't fun. I ended up canceling the canceling on him because I was like, like, I didn't mind going, but I'm not like your girlfriend or your wife. And I'm not gonna pretend like I am. But also now that I've been in the lifestyle for a decent amount of time. I kind of see his point, too, though. Right. If I'm going to spend all this money on this trip, then you get there and you disappear on me. Yeah. But I mean, can you blame a single female? No. I would probably. Well, I think there's a balance there. You know what I mean? Be respectful of who's. Yeah. Yeah. If you're committing not to go on this trip with this person, especially if it's somebody that you're sexually active with anyway. No, I agree. And like Dan said, we've met people in elevators on Bliss Cruises and places like that. that are 100% there and not there with their partner. Oh, yeah. I think a better thing is find a good friend that you've known for a while. Well, I'd almost say as a couple that goes on something like the Bliss Cruise, I actually find it annoying when you go to a playroom and there's a bunch of, you know, single dudes. And it's like, wait a minute. I thought we were on a couple's cruise. Why is there 20 dudes being creepy in the playroom? I thought this was the whole reason they don't allow single men on this cruise is because they're trying to avoid this. What is going on here? Yeah. And it's very apparent that this is not like a married man. This wife is off playing somewhere else. Right. I mean, I'm sure there's a few of those, too. But yeah, I'm sure there is. But they give off creepypots. I don't feel like we answered this question. No, we did. We did. So the answer to his question is one, get on a lifestyle website. Right. Yeah. And we gave him free trials for all those. Two, we want him to find clubs and events in his area. Yeah. And attend some of those as a single. And hopefully he connects with some single females at those events. And then three, we want them to look for regional pages. So Reddit pages, Facebook pages, community pages. We want them to join the Swinner Society Discord server because there's over 50,000 people on there. And I know there's some from New England that are on that page. I actually might even be able to think of a few single females that might be from the New England area. Well, you know, Anna and AJ always have single female friends. They always have single female friends. And they're in the Boston area. And then just to tie it back with... And that's another good point, actually, is if you get involved in the community in your area, they probably know the single females in your area. Because there are always some around. Always. So if you get good friends with couples and they get to know you and know that you're a cool dude, they might have some single female friends that they want to hook you up with. That's honestly probably like... The best advice. Yeah, the best advice. And just to circle around, if you are looking for like a life partner, honestly, Dan and I, When we first started, like, fucking, for lack of a better word, we had no intentions of being together and married and having a podcast and all the things. Like, that was never on our radar. Is that on our intention now? That's what we're doing. But you know what I mean? Places like us. We kind of met just as, like, play partners and then really hit it off and became good friends. And then I was like, I think this could be something. something and really pursue Dan to see what I saw. It took a little bit of it. Nobody looking at us on the screen right now believes that story. Really? Yeah. Oh, because they think that you, yeah. No, but I mean, he. When we tell people that when we first met, you were heavily pursuing me and I was trying to kind of blow you off. Yeah, you were. When people look at us and see us, they're going to be like, there's no fucking way to die. Baby, you're a good looking guy. Don't say that about yourself. No, but we lived like logistically. And you also didn't really want to be in a relationship either. I was jaded to long-term relationship. So it just kind of fell in our lap, honestly. I mean, we had to work hard at it and still do. But it wasn't something that we were out looking for. It just kind of happened. And I think that's kind of why it did. Does that make sense? No, it is a valid point that I think one of the things that we didn't, the going into a relationship not wanting to be in a long-term relationship was one of the most rewarding things about how our relationship formed because we were very brutally honest with each other from the beginning and it really it paid off our relationship has been one of the most authentic relationships i've ever been in because we were so brutally honest in the beginning yeah yeah and so that's a you know if you can get that type of relationship i would definitely encourage it because it's it's been very rewarding for us yes so barry i hope we answer that in some way or another. We wish you all the best. Hope you find your bride. I hope you find a play partner that you can bring on trips with. And if you end up getting married and living a happily ever after. Listen, I like the romance. I can't help it. I'm here for it. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I hope that answers your question, Barry. If somebody else is listening and they have a Tuesday talk question, we would love to hear from you. There's a few different ways that you can get a hold of us. You can email us your questions to theswingnation at gmail.com. You can also be like Barry and email us an audio file with your question. If you don't want us to have your phone number, you can just record an audio file on your phone or somewhere like that and email that to us. Or it can be text and email. Or we have a phone number. Yeah. And if you want to call that number, it is? 972-302-7716. One more time. 972-302-7716. And you can also call or text that phone number. And we'll get your question. I like the phone calls. Lacey reads all the texts, though. So either way, we'll get your question. And we can do some more. Yeah. So ask away. We are an open book. You can ask us anything. It doesn't necessarily have to be about swinging. If you're curious about Lacey's makeup or her eyelashes. You know, when we started this, it was not really. Right. It was like an ask me anything. Yeah. It wasn't really like. It kind of turned into like Dear Swinging Abby. But it really was. Dear Lacey. Yeah. Well. And Dan. Dan's way, you know, they get the good answers from me. But yeah, it has kind of turned into like Ask Abby Pineapple Edition. Yeah. But that's fine too. So whatever you got, we're open to anything. So, you know, it could be about, you know, hair, makeup, clothes. You can ask questions about our past. If you're curious about my military background. If you're curious about being a parent. growing up in the south. I don't know. Growing up in New England. Whatever you want to ask us, we'll try to answer all of your questions. Yep. All right. Anything else for the Swing Nation listeners? Okay. I think with that, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Twitter, Instagram, only fans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye. That's so hot.