Tuesday Talks: Hand Signals, Code Words & Playtime Communication

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation. Tuesday Talks, just send your questions to Dan and Lacey. Tuesday Talks, Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday Talks. Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note? That was perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy. And Southern Girl. And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks. Weiss. Weiss. I didn't reach out to your mom. I should have. Weiss. Got a Tuesday Talk question. Are you ready? Yes, Danny boy. Keep trying. Good luck with that. All right. Let's go to the phone line and hear this week's question. Okay. Hi, Dan. Hi, Weiss. My husband and I are giant fans of your show. The Tuesday Talks question that we have, at least, is when my husband and I go to a sex party, we like to have a little, like, hand signal or a little, like, ritual that we use to kind of check in with each other, make sure we're both having fun, or can kind of use to know when it's time to wrap things up. So, curious if you guys have something like that, if you know couples that have something like that, what that looks like, but thanks for everything you do. Bye. That's a different question. We haven't gotten that one. That is a different one. I don't know. That's something I think we maybe have talked about, to each other. And you can communicate things like, do you think, do you want to fuck that couple? Are you having fun? Are you not having fun? This is awful. We should leave. No, let's go. You know, stop, go. And we've heard everything. Like we've heard people say like jelly bean. We've heard, remember that one couple? We've heard of hand signals. We've heard of code words. We've heard of people, you know, using words in sentences. We've heard of I'm ready to fucking go. Like, I mean, that's just the truth. We've been doing this for so long now, and it's not even that long. I mean, we know people that have been doing it, like, triple the amount of time. If I'm not okay, I'm going to make sure my husband knows. I'm giving him the look. I'm giving him the eye. I'm pulling him to the side. I'm not going to sit somewhere in misery if I'm not happy. I will get us out of there. I don't rely on him. You know, like, if I'm unhappy or uncomfortable, I'm going to be like, hey, babe, we need to go. Or can you walk in the bathroom with me? Or I'm going to give you the look like, wrap this shit up. We're done. You know, so like we just we just don't do that. And maybe we should. But I just I guess at this point, I'm comfortable enough in my own skin and in my surroundings that I care about me more than the other couple. You know, does that and that might be selfish. But like, if I'm not having a good time, I'm not going to sit there and suffer so somebody else can have a good time yeah I'm gonna be like I think this I think we're done here you know I mean or like if somebody is like the husbands can't get their dick hard you know we talked about this a few weeks ago on the Tuesday talks like if the husband's dick won't get hard and you know I need the wife to come I'm gonna get the wife to come help him I'm like hey babe can you come help him because it's I'm just not gonna put myself in a situation where I'm uncomfortable I don't want to be there anything like that I'm going to take personal ownership of the situation and just figure it out on my own. Yeah. So I think that is the answer as far as do me and Lacey use code words. We do not. And usually we just directly communicate if we need to have a conversation. Lacey will say, hey, can we step outside real quick and have a conversation? If she's done, she'll say, hey, I'm done. So we use pretty direct communication. Now, for the couples that do have code words or hand signals or something like that, is there any advice you would give to people? Maybe don't do something completely out of the ordinary. Because, like, if you're going to sit there and go, like, jelly bean, you know, you might as well just say, hey, I'm not real comfortable. Because, like, that couple's going to know that something is going on, you know. So, I think, I do think that it's okay. And, like, maybe you just need to get your husband's attention. So, like, pinching him on the leg. But I've heard horror stories of people saying the word, like, five times and, you know, the spouse not realizing it or using the hand gesture. and the other person not. Never saw it. Never saw it. So that's why I just, I personally feel like direct is better. You know, I can think of an instance, I don't know, it's been a few years ago. I felt very left out because you were the only one that could get hard. And so the guys were not paying me any attention because they couldn't get hard. And then you were like all over the other girl. And I just simply walked up to you and whispered in your ear, Hey babe, I feel left out. And that's all I had to do. And you immediately pivoted. and included me in what you were doing. And to me, that just seems better. Yeah. You know, like, could I have said pineapple upside down cake or red herring Martin Luther King? I mean, could I have done that, you know, or yeah, maybe, but it just, there was no if, ands, buts about it. You knew exactly what was going on with me and what I needed. And we pivoted and we ended up having like a great experience because we pivoted, you know, like, so, I mean, And we've also failed at that before. I'm not going to lie. I've been like, hey, we got to go. And then we leave. And you're like, why the fuck did we leave? And I was like, oh my God, that guy was great. So we've also failed a little bit at it. But we've kind of... I think direct is better. I think if you don't want to have sex with someone, being honest but kind. And I just feel like that's just so much better than beating around the bush. Yeah, I guess that would be my... The problem with all these signals and hand signals and code words and stuff is they don't say enough, right? You're going to run into so many different scenarios. You're going to run into so many different things that can happen that you can't possibly come up with code words or hand signals for all of them. And so sometimes I think just saying, hey, babe, can me and you step out for a second? I want to have a conversation. That works for anything. Right. Secondly, you know, I think the misconception that having code words or hand signals or something like that is going to somehow keep your communication a secret. Well, if all of a sudden you stop and then you leave because you said a word, well, everybody in the room knows that something happened. Right. You know, so why do you need a code word? Why can't you just say, hey, guys, I'm not OK. You know, I need to talk to my husband for a second. To me, that's the exact same as saying red or purple. I have a lot of respect for couples that do that. Especially if they step out in the hallway and they just need to have a little powwow and then they come back in. Those are the best. Everything's fine. I just needed a moment with him. You're like, okay, great. I personally find that attractive. I feel like that's almost like emotional maturity. I find it like I want to be that couple, so I like that. That would be my advice. Do I think hand signals and code words are bad? No. Do I think that people that use them are bad? No, not at all. I think whatever works for you, you do that. For us, we've just, we've never really done that at all. I mean, I can think of one time you text me from the bathroom, like, asking my, like, question about, like, if I wanted to go home with a couple, you know, so we had had dinner with them. You know, outside of that, we've always just been pretty direct, and we kind of know each other's body. And usually Dan's pretty much go with the flow. So it's usually me. Yeah, it is usually me that needs to make a decision. Yeah. So I've I've learned how to like put myself first in that situation in my body first. And I'm always going to choose me always. Yeah, no. And I think that's that's the answer. Now, again, if not to say that if you want to do this code word thing, if you want to do hand signals or something like that, certainly you could do that. I also think it's worth saying that um we're not talking about safe words so that's like a different thing right so I don't think it's not bad to necessarily say hey if you know my safe word is whatever no that's a great thing you know or just saying stop you know like you know like hey I need you to stop yeah you know this isn't we're talking about like a couple trying to communicate something to each other without the other couple without yeah yeah so I mean if you want to establish safe words prior to playing with somebody that's that's fine to do we're talking about here, which is like communicating secretly between just a couple about, you know, if you're okay or if you want to have sex or not have sex or stuff like that. And I do think, you know, my biggest hesitancy to do that is there's not really, there's too much to communicate to necessarily do it in just a signal. Yeah, that's not going to tell you what I need and what I want, you know? I mean, like, it's just not. And like, in that case, like when I told you that I felt left out, I wasn't trying to leave the situation I wasn't I didn't need to get out of anything I just needed you to realize what was I you were completely oblivious you were having fun and not really understanding what was going on and so as soon as I told you that we could pivot and save the evening and it wasn't it wasn't a thing and I think that's those type of situations I think happen more than I need to stop right now yeah like she's going down yeah it's usually like usually if we can just like communicate through it we can usually save the evening, you know, we just recently had an experience where, you know, a husband got up out of a room and left. And it was awful. And nobody really knew why he left. So everybody continued. And then he came back in and basically snatched up his wife and said, we need to go where, you know, and I think again, I think it's because he felt left out. Right. And so had he instead of doing that, just said, hey, babe, can we we take a little break for a minute and have a conversation and had him and his wife step to the side and said, hey, I'm feeling left out right now. Can you try to include me more or whatever the case may be? I think he could have saved the evening. So again, I think. Because he really derailed everybody's evening. Right. Right. Because it turned into kind of a scene. Everybody stopped and then it just was hard to get everything going again. It kind of just it ruined the whole vibe of the evening. And so everybody just ended up going to bed after that. So, you know, I think again, I think stepping aside, having communicating, things like that. Maybe having a code word to, hey, let's step aside and have a talk. Maybe that's not a bad idea. But again, if you and your wife get up out of an orgy and go outside and start talking, everybody's going to know what's going on. So there isn't really a need to try to be secretive about it. And I think that's the case in most of these situations. And I agree with you. I think everybody in this lifestyle needs to realize you're all adults, right? We're like 40-something-year-old people. Imagine me going, Fruit Loop. or something random. To me, that makes no sense. We're adults. We should be able to communicate. Flicking your nose. I've seen it where people are going, you can't see me on. Cut across your neck. No, no. Could you imagine if you looked up and saw somebody doing that about you? Oh my God. How awful would that be? Instead of saying, hey guys, we really enjoyed meeting you and had a great time, but tonight I don't think we're going to go back with y'all. Let's do this again. some time, you know, like that is such a nicer way to treat people than like somebody looking at you going, no, no, you know, like, oh, my God, I would die if I saw that. Right. And I think that's that's the key. I think we that's I wish the entire community would realize that. Right. That we're all adults. What we're doing is complicated. Right. There's lots of feelings. There's lots of emotions. There's lots of insecurities and anxiety. Right. And we're all going through it. And we all know that. So it's okay if somebody is off one night and needs to take a break. It's okay if somebody's feeling off and needs to step outside and talk to their partner. It's okay if somebody just stops in the middle of an orgy and says, hey, I'm not okay, guys. I feel left out right now. Right? And let everybody know, hey, hey, you know, I'm sitting here by myself. I feel a little left out right now. And what's likely going to happen is the people, your friends are going to rally around you and they're going to support you. you and they're going to bring you into the fold and make you feel better to me that's the better way of doing it and i would encourage more and more people to find their voice and i think the more people that do that and kind of make that the normal right that it's okay to instead of freaking out and slamming doors and walking out or instead of using secret code words like guys i'm just not okay just communicate and even if you don't know what you're not okay about it's okay to say that it's okay to say guys i'm feeling off and i think it's me But I love y'all. I think something's going on with me. Right. If you feel comfortable enough with me to let me put my dick inside of you, you should feel comfortable enough with me to say, hey, I'm not okay. I need to take a break. Or, hey, I need to talk to my partner. Can we take a little break for a minute? Yeah. Right? That should be way easier than letting somebody have intercourse with you, right? For sure. So, I don't know. That's my opinion of it. And again, you're going to hear a hundred different opinions on that. Do what works for you. As long as you're communicating in some way with your partner, that's the most important thing. You and your partner being on the same page and communicating is the most important thing. And then you communicating your wants, needs, and desires to the other people that you're engaging with is the second most important thing. And if you can do those two things, your level of success in this lifestyle is going to improve drastically. Yeah, I agree. All right. Anything else for the Swing Nation listeners? I think that's it. All right. I think that wraps up this question. If you have a Tuesday Talk question, we would love to hear from you. There's a few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswingnation at gmail.com, theswingnation at gmail.com, or you can call or text, and that phone number is? 972-302-7716. One more time. 972-302-7716. You can call or text or you can send a voice note to that number. Or you can send some nudes. We love those too. There's some hot nudes in there. There are some hot nudes in there. Did you reply? Did you send ours back to everybody? No. Okay. Well, you failed. You need to do that. Get on that. I feel like that's your job. You've inherited that job from me because I am terrible at it. First of all, I never even asked anybody to send me nudes. You're the ones that wants the nudes, not me. And so somehow this is my job. Yeah. You have more free time than me. You've actually, this is off topic, but I used to be the communicator. I was the one on SLS, SDC. I was the one in all the apps and all the, you know, back in the day, the kick groups. You've kind of taken that over. Yeah. Nowadays, if you message us, Lacey's probably more likely to respond than me. Yeah. Not on like Cassidy and SDC. I don't, I don't usually log into those, but definitely like. Discord, group chat, Snapchat. Yeah, the Bliss Cruise app. I just, I'm much better with communication than Dan is. He's just, he's like one of those people that he can't get sidetracked off of his tasks. If he does, it's not going to get. It derails the whole thing. Derails, so it's better for him to stay on tasks. And I have lots of tasks. Yes, you do. All right. Well, I think with that, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye. That's so hot.