Tuesday Talks: Don’t Let the Internet Ruin Your Lifestyle Experience

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net, you create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Hey there, Pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy. And Southern Girl. And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks. We are. Talking today. With Dan and Lacey. Lacey. This might be our last podcast in this studio. Well, we're not moving, but we basically are doing like a complete like over like. So if you watch us on YouTube or if you watch these videos on TikTok, we have all new stuff coming. New signs. Yeah. Furniture. Furniture. Rug, which you don't really see that. We're going to be shooting multi-camera Angles. Yeah, it's time that we step up. We've had these chairs since... Almost the beginning. Almost. This was the first time we built a studio. So when we first started, we were recording in my house and then in my RV. Yeah. And then we built our first studio when we moved in together. Yeah. And these were the chairs. Yeah. So that was what? 2022, maybe? Yeah, so three years ago. Yeah. So yeah, we've got new chairs that were actually delivered. We're slowly starting to come in. We're going out of town next week. You'll hear this probably once we're back. So hopefully we can get it all set up and out to you. We do have some very exciting things coming in the month of February. So that's kind of what sparked a lot of this. So you'll know when you see it what we're talking about. We can't really give you any details, but you'll know it when you see it. And we're excited for you to kind of go along on this journey over the But yeah, so long purple chairs. Buy purple chairs. Yeah, that shoot me at a terrible angle because they're hard. They sit weird. They're hard. I even have a pillow behind me. It's like hard not to show your fupa. It's hard not to slouch. And we honestly are not sure if the new chairs will be like that. But I did order us pillows. We've got throw blankets. Are we going to keep these as backups if we have people to interview? I think we should. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think we should. Because there's nothing wrong with them. They're just a little, you know, we've just... Just used them. We've been singing them for three years. Yeah. So, yeah. We're excited. So, can't wait for everyone to see. We've got some new books. We've got some new things. So, we've slowly started to change. So, stay tuned. Stay tuned. We're excited. Did you get new tables? I didn't get new tables yet. Okay. That's to be determined. Okay. I think we're okay right now, though. We'll see how it looks. Yeah. Okay. So, today's question comes from TikTok by another TikTok creator who is public on tiktok uh it's a little hard to read i'm not gonna lie so i'm gonna do my best to read through this but i do think that it is a very good question and worth talking about agreed okay so it says hi there wife here hope this gets to you we want to be anonymous um tuesday talk question we are a long-term couple fairly new to the lifestyle we finally went back on socials shortly i think she's trying to say is They're going to a Valentine's Day event coming up, local. And they went online, is what she's trying to say. And they were excited to be back online until all of a sudden they're getting bombarded with messages. They've got male gazers and then only actually two couples have messaged them. And they were a little too forward, even in the first day or two of them being online. They want to know what they're into. In quotation marks is how she explains it. And she automatically told them that we don't roll like that. And it's also in our profile. She said she is completely turned off by this and needs to know how to pass this on to these couples or singles. And since they're both always busy with work and family, they're just not online as often as some people are. So these are paid people And she also says that she is not bisexual So she feels like that kind of makes it a little bit harder for her But she really would like to know our opinion on this And I think this is, even though it's a little hard to read I think it is a very important question And I think we can try to help her a little bit All right, so I'm going to summarize that a little bit Because it did bounce around a little bit But it sounds like this is a couple that's new to the lifestyle They just joined a online platform. I'm a little confused if that's like a website. Like, yes, DC or SLS or Cassidy or one of the bigger. She said it was a club. So I'm assuming it's like an M.S. Like we have a modern lifestyle for swinger sighting and electric pleasures. And pretty much most clubs in the U.S. use something like that. Right. So I'm assuming that. Right. So all clubs, majority of clubs have some kind of online social media type website that you can join up and do some socializing and connect with people. before attending the club. And she referenced that a little bit. So you can assume that that's what she's talking about. So I want to say, and it sounds like she's on this platform now, but she's getting overwhelmed by couples that are, I guess, being a little pushy and pushing for nude photos and things like that. Asking about what kind of kinky things they're into and really they're new and they don't, they don't. Yeah. It's a little bit like it's not putting a good feeling in her mouth. And I get, and I can get that. And it sounds like she tried to explain, most of that into her profile. They're not down with exchanging nudes right off the bat. They want to kind of get to know people. Maybe they put that they're new and they're just exploring. It sounds like she wrote that in her profile, but people are still pressing her for nudes and for what they're into. Yes. That was the gist of what I got from it. Yeah, and it's turning her off. Now she's like, I don't even want to go. This is how people are going to be. Especially if people are like this online. How are they going to be in person? Which I think are all valid, valid feelings. Right. Okay. So I have a few takes on this and I'll explain to you a couple of my things and then you can chime in. So I think one, online dating sucks. It does. Period. Right. And it doesn't matter if you're on one of the larger swinger websites and even on some of these swinger club sites, you know, the problem is you're online and people interact online differently than they interact in real life person. Often they're much more pushy. They'll say the weirdest things to you that they would never say to you in person. So I think some of her experiences are just being online. Now the fact that this is it sounds like she's talking about a vetted club site where the memberships are pre-approved and these people have been vetted in some way that they're real people and not just creepers that are online trying you know trying to find nudes makes me seem like it would it would be a little bit better than what she's describing. But I will say various clubs screen their memberships and You know, some clubs are just, this is a person and they have an ID and they checked all the blocks that we needed. So they're approved. You know, some clubs go as far as to do background checks. Some clubs will go as far as, you know, you have to be recommended by another member just to be able to apply for the club. So there are various levels of approval. So I don't know what this club's is, but you know, it could just be that they, as long as they fill out their profile properly, that they get approved for a membership on that site. So that, you know, some of these Because even ours, even Electric Pleasures, even Swinger Society, not everybody that signs up for the website even comes to events. So I do think you get some – I mean, we get people that sign up and they're like coming from Egypt and all these crazy places. And they're never going to – Of course, they're never going to attend an event. So often we'll try to – we can't discriminate, right? We can't say, oh, just because you're from a foreign country, you can't sign up and come to our events. But we can press back and say, hey, we need you to verify what event are you thinking about coming to and kind of press back. And most of the time they will just never answer us back. And it kind of solves itself. But so there is some of that that happens even on club and event websites. Secondly, I don't think it's uncommon for what she is saying that's happened. I agree. It is very common in the lifestyle that when you reach out to another couple that you may be interested in to ask what their rules and boundaries are and what they're into. That's kind of a way of getting to know. It's kind of like when you go to like a work event or like. you go out like socially and you're like, what do you do for work? You know, it's kind of like what swingers do to like start the conversation. The questions are usually how long you've been in the lifestyle. You know, are you, what are you guys into? You know, are you a same room couple? Do you full swap? Like that is kind of like the swinger checklist. That is how you start your conversations. And it's really, that's kind of the norm. And then asking for nude pictures or adult type pictures is, is usually the next step because what you're you know what a lot of people are trying to do is saying okay do our rules and boundaries match right are we interested in the same things and then is there some type of attraction and chemistry here because if if you know if you guys are a separate room only play couple and you only do hot wifing and we're a same room full swap couple well then we're gonna we're not gonna match right so move on from there and a lot of people just like immediately out the bat you do those things so that way you're not going to match right so move on from there and a lot of people just like immediately out the bat you do those things so that way you're not going to match right so you're not going to match right so move on from there and a lot of people just like immediately out the bat you do those things so that way you're not going to match right so you're not going to match Not talking for two weeks, and then you find out that the wife doesn't play or the husband doesn't play. It's immediate. So that way, if this is not a good fit, we can move along. Because let's be real, most of us are, like she said, working people, have children, have lives, have jobs. We don't have time to sit there and chit-chat for a week and then realize that it's not going to work. So you kind of get that out of the way very quickly before you kind of get any further. Yeah, and I would say the same with the photos, you know, asking for nude photos or whatever. You know, sometimes couples, you know, depending on your profile, we see couples that just have a smiley face as the only picture you can see, right? Or maybe they just have a face, you know, a full clothes picture and their faces are covered by some kind of emoji or something like that. Well, that really doesn't tell you a lot about is this somebody I'm sexually attracted to and would like to swap partners with, right? So I think it's a natural next step to ask for those things. I do think you know you don't come right out the gate with that I think you do exchange a few messages first and say you know like oh hey we see you guys are coming to the club this weekend we like your pictures you guys are hot what are you guys into you know they reply oh you guys are hot too we like same room full swap oh us too hey we unlocked our pictures for you check us out see if you're interested and that's a pretty normal okay yeah I'll unlock my pictures oh you guys are hot we're hot let's meet up and chat that's kind of the natural progression that most swinger conversations online there are now there with that being said, that is very normal, but you do have those weirdos on the internet, for lack of a better word, because there's going to be, if you've got, you know, 75% normal everyday people, there's going to be 25 people that are just like a little, you know, a little different, a little eccentric. They might go immediately with a dick pic, you know? I mean, they just might, and that is wrong, and they shouldn't do that. And so, I guess, I think part of the problem here is that maybe, it sounds like you're new in the lifestyle, and I think maybe just kind of learning, like Dan was saying, learning what is normal and what is not. I also want to say that you could put everything on your profile that you want people to read and understand about you. Nine out of ten couples are not looking at your profile. They're looking at your pictures. And again, it's wrong. Should we read every word? Should we get to know you, look at your pictures, and then make a decision together as a couple before? we message yes but that's just not what's happening and I'm not excusing that behavior we should not do that but the truth is is it doesn't matter if you're on like a heterosexual dating app or if you're on a swinger or about whatever kind of dating app you're on the pictures are where it's at unfortunately yeah I mean I'm guilty of it too yeah you know we're getting ready to go on bliss cruise we just went to you know an event here recently what you do is you go to the RSVP list you scroll down it you Look at their profile picture. And if you see a couple that's hot, you click on it. You maybe read their bio or maybe just shoot them a message and say, Hey, guys, you guys are cute. We see you going to you're going coming this weekend. You know, would you be interested in getting together? You know what I mean? Yeah. Would you be interested in having a few drinks or something like that? That's normally how the conversation starts. So I wouldn't be completely deterred that what they're doing is outside of the normal. It does seem to be relatively normal. Now, I do think if they message you and say, hey, what are you guys into? Can you send some nude pics? And you reply with, well, hey, we're actually coming to the club for the first time. We're not quite comfortable sending nude pictures yet until we get to know people. But if you're interested, we'd like to chat more, maybe meet up at the club this weekend. If you do that, then to me, the next response is what's really going to tell what type of person it is. If they say, oh, never mind, we're not interested, or oh, we don't play with newbies, then good, because you probably figured out you wasted your time. Or they might say, oh, yeah, well, welcome, you know, and tell you something about the club and say, oh, we've been going for two years. And, you know, it's best to park out back and try to get a spot by the DJ. Because those are the people that you're looking for. And it's just a matter of, like, weeding out those people because not everybody is going to be that couple. So I guess that would be my advice to you is your responses back. You know, I don't think that you could put anything in your profile that's going to make people treat you different. I just think it is what it is. Right. Because they're approaching you like you're a seasoned swinger. Yes. Because they probably just assumed that you were. Correct. So I think you probably have done the best you can do with that. So I think it's all in the matter of how you respond. If somebody just straight up comes in with like a dick pic or a vagina pic or a statement that is not your vibe, you don't have to respond. If it's a vagina pic, refer them to my profile. But, you know, I mean, like you are not required. to acknowledge those people. You're not required to correspond. If it's not something that you feel like is going to work for you, just move along. Ignore it. If it is a couple that maybe you are attractive to and maybe they just came in a little bit more aggressive than maybe you're comfortable with, I think saying that is okay. I think saying, hey guys, we are brand new. This is our very first night at our very first Swingers Club. And to be super transparent, we're a little nervous. We don't really know what we're into. And we're just trying to figure this out as we go. If you get any advice, we'd love to hear it. Yeah, I think approaching it that way. And then as you do this more, as you engage more, and you go to more parties, and you feel more comfortable, then I think those conversations will be easier. Another piece of advice is if the internet and people on the internet are just not your speed, you don't have to be on You can sign up, pay your dues, and then just show up at the party. Because in my opinion, people in person are much better than they are on the internet. You know, in person, people are not going to come across the way they do. Now, is there one in every group? Yes. But for the most part, everyone's going to be kind, respectful, happy that you're there, willing to show you, you know, anything you need in the club. People are always there to help. And so maybe, Until you kind of get your feet wet, so to speak, maybe staying off the socials just might be the best way to start. Yeah, I think those clubs and hotel takeover groups and stuff have the website so people can meet and chat ahead of time. But if that's not your vibe, I think keeping that profile basically blank and just getting the minimum that you need to get your tickets and then meeting people in real life, to me, that's always the best connections. And another thing I'll note, and this maybe is a little bit controversial, people that approach you at a club is almost like you know you ever been in the new kid at school and the first person that comes running up to you and saying oh oh be my best friend we're going to be best friends is usually not the person you want to be friends with you know i mean that's usually the desperate person or they pissed off people or their drama you know like not always i mean maybe they just are super friendly but um you know sometimes the loudest voice in the room isn't necessarily the person you're most likely to connect with yeah um so i do think you know going to the club and getting to know people and kind of finding your your I think there are people that you're going to connect with at just about every event. It might take you a little while to figure out who they are and make those connections. But I think once you do it, this is like the secret to the lifestyle is finding a good friend group that you can connect with and explore with. And everybody is going to make those connections. It might just take, you know, some people longer. And nine times out of ten, it's not meeting them on socials. It's meeting them at a swingers club or a swinger, any kind of party. and like you just hit it off in person it's gonna be the people you're wearing similar clothes to or you know you're listening to similar music or it's not going to be just because you randomly see a hot photo on a swinger website and you just know that that's your person it's it's a vibe it's the person that you see that is like totally your jam you know hanging out dancing just looks like fun that you're just gravitated to that's going to be your people so i really hate that the socials are throwing you off listening And we get it to be super transparent. We don't use a lot of socials. We barely use them anymore. To find anybody. I can't even tell you the last time that we've like found somebody on like SCC or SLS and then met them and hung out. Did we use that in the beginning when we were first kind of finding our way? Absolutely. And I totally think that there is a group of people that those are wonderful for. But at this point, we've kind of like made our tribe and we kind of learn about things through like word of mouth and stuff so we don't rely super heavy on that so if that gives you like some peace of mind to know that you're not in order to find people you're not like a slave to these sites you're gonna you're gonna find your people i promise you yeah once you i think once you find events and things that you like going to you'll meet people organically and then you know you'll make friends and those friends will introduce you to new friends and your your group will just kind of keep growing and uh you know it'll ebb and flow like every group of friends does i think but It's part of the journey. Yep. All right. Anything else? I think that's it. I think I hope that helped answer your questions. Don't be dismayed by swinger social media or swinger sites. Yeah. And everybody has different levels of DTF. We actually, if you want to go back and listen, we did a Tuesday talk about is being down to fuck. Is there such thing as being too down to fuck? Thank you. I couldn't get the words out. Yeah. Maybe go back and listen to that one because that might have some good insight is to kind of help you because everybody is at different levels of eager you know like if you're that couple that only gets a one go to one thing a year and maybe it is valentine's day you're probably chomping at the bits you know you're probably messaging everybody on there and you're just ready to throw down you know but that doesn't make that couple a bad couple you know it's just they're just different and they're they're under a different set of circumstances so yeah well i think it's you know how much experience you got you know the way you treat guys that message you on on Tinder when you're single. Probably the first week you're on Tinder compared to if you've been on Tinder for two or three years is probably completely different. And I think it's kind of similar for this. Yeah. All right. Anything else for the Swing Nation listeners? I think that's it. Okay. So we could use some more Tuesday Talk questions. Okay. We got a few messages. We got a few emails. We appreciate that. But we're trying to build up that bank. These Tuesday Talks keep coming. So we need to keep your questions coming. Yes. A few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Or you can call or text. And that phone number is? 972-302-7716. One more time. 972-302-7716. All right. So we hope to hear from you. We look forward to your questions. And I think with that, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye. That's so hot.