Tuesday Talks: Are Good Men the Real Unicorns in the Lifestyle?

Transcript

Speaker1: This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice. Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the activists, learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us? They check out swingersociety.net, you create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net. Can't wait to see you there. Tuesday Talks, just send your questions to Dan and they say. Tuesday Talks. Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday Talks. Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note? That's perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy. And Southern Girl. And we are back with another edition of Tuesday Talks. Yes. TalkingTuesday. Yeah. We still don't have that jingle. Well, we don't know yet. We're in the future now. So we've time traveled into the future. So when this episode airs, we might have the jingle. Yeah, we may. They might have already listened to it for all I know. Oh, yeah. Right? Because you don't know. So let's pretend like we got it. Oh, my God. That was so good. Whoa. And if it's the same old one, that was still good. Yeah. All right. Are you ready to go to the phone lines to hear this week's question? Yes. Let's do it. Hey, Dan and Lacey. This is Will from Minneapolis. My question here is a little more for Lacey. My wife and I are newer to the lifestyle, and we are running into what may be a little attraction issue and wondering if our preferences and expectations are maybe a little unrealistic. Beautiful women are quite plentiful up here, but all too often their partners fall short, whether that's mentally or physically. Our idea of attractive men seem to be the true unicorn in our area. We're a fit, attractive young couple. We both have great value and upscale style, being well-groomed and very well-mannered, and we tend to expect the same. We receive a fair amount of attention to the events that we've attended, but we refuse to have her just take one for the team just to make something more happen. We're mid-30s. Our age rate is wide open. We have many interests and tend to mingle or fit in quite well in most group scenarios. Unfortunately, there are no clubs in our area. We've been to meet and greets, campgrounds, bars, takeovers. mansion parties and coming up on our big first hotel takeover. The question is, do we trust the process or do we just reevaluate our expectations a little bit? Thanks and hope to hear from you guys on the podcast. I love that he addressed this to me because he knows my struggle. I think he knows. Well, I think this is, in some ways, it's every female struggle. Yeah, it's in the lifestyle for sure. I feel like women get hotter as they join the lifestyle. Probably some cases of men doing similar. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Men like decide they want to lose weight. They want to go to the gym, get tan. Yeah, for sure. Um, but, but women can do a lot that men can't do. Well, if we're being honest, this is a little bit off topic, but women taking care of themselves and women's attractiveness is more of a, it's more core to their sex. I think, you know what I mean? What do you mean? I think for men it's more like providing and you know being successful in your career. Oh you mean to being female. Yeah I think just part of being female like you know you guys start doing hair and makeup and getting your hair did and do all like and most guys like until I met you like I was still shopping at Walmart and getting my hair cut at the you know the easy cut down the street. Yeah you were. I just never put much time thought or energy. I was much more career focused and that kind of stuff so. You were. I think that's just kind of a difference of the sexes. Yeah. But it does very much then. Translate to lifestyle. When you get to the lifestyle and you have a 45-year-old man that's, you know, bald and chubby and doesn't, you know, necessarily shower as much as he should. And fake booms. And she's like trying, you know. Because he's been working on his career. So he's got all this money. So she's got all the things. Like, you know. Yeah. That's the lifestyle. I mean, that's, I mean, you know, I'm exaggerating it. Don't get mad at me. Don't cancel me. But you understand what I'm saying. Like, this happens. Yeah. No, it does. It happens. I think men do get better. I think it, like, Men, the only thing they can really do is dress better, go to the gym, you know. Tan workout. Tan. Women, you can make a lot of physical changes by, like, doing surgeries, money, you know, new makeup, new clothes. You can do it. Anyway. I think this is a great question and something that we have, I think we've talked about some on the podcast and stuff. It's also stuff that we have not purposely kind of done in our relationship and how we swing. I think in the beginning, especially, I can't speak for you, but for me, when I was looking for people to swing with, whether it be when I was a single or now in a couple and we're playing, it was almost like I was looking for my type. Does that mean I say that? You were dating. Yeah, it was like dating. I wanted a guy that fit the boxes that I had pre-made that I didn't even realize I had made. Right, for somebody that you would want to pursue a relationship with. Like, if I'm not, and that's what we say, don't take one for the team, you say, well, yeah, I wanted somebody that I would want in, like, a real-life scenario. And at some point, and we didn't, and I think we both did this, but naturally, we kind of figured out that that's not what this is about. We're not trying to date these people, and we're just trying to have fun for the night. You know, we're trying to have fun and send you back to your wife or your husband, however it is. is. We're not trying to pursue you for any kind of romantic anything. We're not trying to take you home to meet our parents. We are just looking for a fun night. And if you can provide that, and I'm attracted to you, and I actively want to engage with you, to me, that's really all that I need. You know, you don't have to have this perfect body build. You don't have to have a perfect hairline or, you know, these clothes that are made. None of that really, at some point, just didn't matter anymore. Now, don't get me wrong. I still want to be, like, turned on by the person. I still want to look at them and be like, that's a good-looking guy. But they don't have to check every single box anymore. Right. I think 100% that is a mistake that everybody in the lifestyle makes is you try to date people. You try to look for what you would look for in a life partner when looking at that people you want to engage with in the lifestyle and that's you're not looking for a life partner i hope you're not looking for a life partner i hope you already have one right so i hope that's not what you're trying to do so i think you do have to get yourself outside of that mindset and say i don't need to find the perfect person i'm looking for the perfect person for tonight yeah you know and what i've found is i have a lot better experiences since i have kind and i don't want to say lowered my standard because that's kind of what it's sounds like and that sounds terrible. But maybe broaden my horizons is a better way of looking at it. I found that I've had more fun. You know a lot of the times the guys that are like the gym rats and like they they're there's nothing to talk to. Like they're super good looking. I mean they got it all. They got the swagger. They got the clothes. They got the muscles. They got it all. But then like there's nothing there. You know like it's hard. They don't make me. It's hard to have a conversation They don't want to eat pizza after we fuck That's important to me But yet somebody Let's say they're a 10 Maybe somebody that's like a 7 That I'm still really really attracted to And I think they're a good looking guy But then they would make me laugh And they would be amazing in bed And they're going to take me to get pizza When we get done fucking To me It's almost like just opening yourself up to new and different people and new and different experiences. So when you say take one for the team, we don't really say that anymore because I'll let you explain that because I think you do a good job about that. Well, I think, you know, the idea of taking one for the team is, you know, Lacey really wants to have sex with this guy. I'm not interested in this girl, but I'm going to sleep with her just so that Lacey can get with this guy. Don't do that. That's terrible, right? That's awful. Don't do that. I would never do that, right? And so that is a thing. But what really... You have to change your mindset. That almost never happens though. What it really is is like I'm kind of into this girl and Lacey's really into that guy. So if I go through with that, is that taking one for... I'm still going to... And here's the thing. Nine out of ten times or eight out of ten times. She's probably going to rock your world. I'm going to have a positive experience. Yeah. So is that really just because I'm not as excited or maybe that's not the first the first girl I would have picked out in this room of 100 people to fuck? Just because I choose to go through with it? Is that taking one for the team? Or is that just being part of it? Is that just engaging with the people you're with? Well, let's look at all the couples that we swap with. There are very few that we are equally attracted to the husband and wife. I mean, I can probably name on one hand the couples. Almost none. For us to be exact. That takes a lot of magic in the air. for that to happen. There's always like, you know, there's going to be some variations to that. I'm going to be a little bit more into the husband than you are the wife or vice versa. But that doesn't mean I'm taking one for the team or anything. I'm going to enjoy my experience. It's going to be hot. We're going to have fun stories to tell the next day. But I don't know. That's kind of me. And, you know, I was talking to a friend yesterday and she was asking me about some guy that's coming to a party. She was asking me what I thought about him. And I was telling her. And she made the comment, she said, I care more about the vibe of the person and how they fuck. She may have said their dick size. I don't know. But we're going to pretend that she didn't say that. But really, that's the truth. You know, like I would much rather fuck a guy that's like a six with a good dick. He knows how to do it. It makes me laugh than a 10 with a tiny dick and a bad attitude. You know, I mean, like, so that would be my advice to you. I'm not saying like lower your standard, but maybe. Give those other people a second look. Because you would be shocked at how much fun you could have with someone that you're not immediately attracted to. And somebody you would never date. And I think that's it. You know, like, I've had lots of fun with girls that I was like, this girl is trouble. And, you know, she would spend all of my money and divorce me. Are you talking about me? Well, you. Yeah. But what I'm saying, you know what I mean? But I've had tons of fun with girls that I'm like, there's no way I would ever date this girl. But goddamn, she's a good time. You know what I mean? And I think that's the point of this. You know what I mean? Is to have a good time. And I don't think it has to be a home run. This is the person I would marry. And honestly, I want to avoid finding that person. Yeah, for sure. That's what I was about to say. Because that's where trouble. That's the rocky waters right there. Is if you find somebody you could see yourself with, it's like, well, then what is that? What the fuck is that? You know what I mean? We're just there for a good time, not for a long time. Isn't that what they say? Right. And we've had a lot of fun with people that have Yeah, for sure. And so, I would open up your mind. So, I think two-fold, right? One, be patient, right? This does take time. Well, and they said they were going to their first hotel takeover, and they don't have a club. I think we listened to a couple. But they've been to some stuff. Yeah, so I think you're probably going to have a larger variety of people at a hotel takeover, hopefully, you know, because it tends to be a little bit bigger crowd. So, yeah, like Dan was going to say, be patient, take your time. You're going to find people. Right. And I think, you know, to the finding people thing, you know, I think finding events that are your vibe. Right. So if you're like an outdoor campy person, there are outdoor campy lifestyle parties. Right. Go find those. Well, they said they're in their 30s. They're good looking. Like you're an eye candy person all day long. I mean, you can come to Swing or Study, too. We'd like you to. But like there's a group like, you know, for that, like friction. Right. You know, they're like a more high weight type of group. you probably wouldn't want to go to like a group that has 60 plus. You know, you have to, and you might go to a couple of things and like not do well because you're at the wrong. It might take you a while to find the group that's good for you. And you might have to fly or drive. It may not be convenient, but. That group exists. That group does exist. And I even said, you know, one of the things I've noticed here lately is from going to like, um, Naughty New Orleans and Bliss Cruise and now Hedo is those larger events. almost have subgroups within the event. Oh, 100%. So there's 3,000 people on a Bliss cruise. You're going to find, you know, people that are maybe older and drinking wine at the wine bar and they're, you know, older, upscale, you know, retired type people. And then, you know, in the club, there'll be these 30-year-olds that are raving and having the time of their life. But now there's 20-year-olds. And they're all at the same event. Yeah, but now there's like a whole, like we used to be the young ones. There's a whole other group now. We've been doing this for a while now too. That are younger than us. And they're like, They're like in their 20s. And they, you know, they're fun. They're exchanging. What do you call that? Candy? They're like more ravers. Yeah, changing bracelets with each other. Yeah, they're like ravers. They have the sprouts on their hat. Saying words. I don't understand. Like, what did that girl say in your TikTok live today? I can't remember. You're eating your hair. Yeah, my hair eats. I was like, what the fuck does that mean? Why are you eating your hair? I was like, no, that means it's good. Damn. Yeah, I mean, we got off track there. But what we're saying is you will find your group for sure. You just have to, you're going to have to look around and probably do some research and find people that, like when you notice that these groups are posting and stuff, a lot of the images are AI generated. So you have to like, especially on flyers and stuff. Or they're stock photos. Or they're stock photos. Here's the thing. You're going to look at lifestyle flyers in your area and they're all going to look like 25-year-old hot people that are raving. and partying. That's not what all these parties really are. But you need to look at the RSVP list. Look and see who's actually going. If there's actual photos from the actual event, which you can tell that there are, see if people in those images are something that you would be willing. Yeah, maybe look up the DJ and see what kind of music they're playing. That'll tell you a lot. Yeah, for sure. Because if you're going to a party that is maybe 40s, 50s, 60s, that might not be your vibe. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But hopefully that helped. I think it helped me. I feel better about the next party we're going to. Why? I don't know. Oh. I don't know where it's going with that. Oh, okay. But yeah. I think this is something that everybody struggles with. Yeah. So I think the answer to your question is twofold. One, I don't know if lower your expectations, but realign your expectations. Maybe rethink your expectations. Broaden your horizons. Right. And then two, be patient. Yeah. Because I think there is a group out there for everybody. It just might take you some time. to find it. Yes. Okay. Well, I hope that helps answer your question. If you have a Tuesday talk question, we would love to hear from you. There's a few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswingnation at gmail.com, theswingnation at gmail. You can either just type it out or we've actually had a few people recently send audio files via email to us. And that's a good way to do it as well. Or you can call and text us. And that phone number is? One more time. 972-302-7716. All right. Well, we look forward to getting your questions. We love hearing from our listeners. I think it helps. One, I like it because it helps us pick different topics. Yeah. But two, I think it also helps a lot of the other listeners, right? Because they probably have all these similar questions. For sure. Knowing they're not alone and hearing from, you know, it's not just Dan and Lacey that are, you know, saying this. There's now other people that are getting involved with the conversation and we're all kind of experiencing People love Tuesday Talks. I mean, out of all the things that we've done, I think we've got the most positive feedback from Tuesday Talks. Like, everywhere we go, people are. We get to meet people that have called in, that we've done theirs, or people that just love it and thank us. People that have sent in audio. Yeah. The pre-audio files. Yeah. The music. Yeah. We've met a few of those people. Mm-hmm. Even though Lacey canceled that program. What program? Where they do the intro song, they'd make it for us. You know, they can still send it. I just didn't want to do, like, a five-minute spill at every, Every episode? Yeah. But you can always send a pre-recorded song for us. We'll use it. 100%. All right. Well, I think with that, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. 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