Two parties only one playmate

Transcript

Welcome to the Pineapple Pin of the Hot Wife Life podcast. I went to two parties this weekend and the results were staggering. I may have gone too far to the other side of the spectrum. I went to two parties on Saturday, and the first party was a house party, the one that I kind of have trouble navigating. and I went in and I fully went straight conversation. I mean, I had conversations. But I mean, here's, let me give you insight as to what actually happened. And then you can kind of gauge it from there.

We came in and we were, of course, really early in comparison to everybody else, but there was somebody else there. And it was somebody that I had played with in the past. It was somebody that I have mixed feelings about. Um, it's convoluted, but anyway, so he was there with his girlfriend and another lady and we were hanging out and we were chatting and we were trying to be normal. And then he kept wandering around saying, I'm going downstairs. And then he'd go and then he'd come back.

And then at some point he He came back and he, and I was sitting there talking to my husband and I just happened to overhear him saying this, that he had like an hour and 12 minutes. And I took that to mean that he couldn't find anyone to play with or that he hadn't. And so I, of course, was like, were you looking for someone to play with? And he was like, um, well, I guess, sure. And my husband was like, no, thank you. No, thank you. Because somebody offers something to you and your response is mealy-mouthed, mediocre. That's not the kind of energy we're hoping to imbue here.

That's not the kind of energy that we're hoping to go into this with. That's not the kind of desire that we're hoping is happening. So my husband was like shutting it down. So I got up and I started wandering around and I ended up talking to this group of people and this group of people and I were hitting it off. There was a lady that I had met at the hotel party that we were chatting and we were talking and she introduced me to a couple other people who were actually at the party and we, and I'm having a really good time. I'm chatting with them. I'm talking.

And then this gentleman from earlier in the evening comes up and he's like, well, I apologize to your husband and I'd really like to play if you want to. And I'm like, well, I need to talk to my husband first. So I went over and I had a conversation with my husband and he's like, I'm fine if you play with him. And I was like, yeah, no, I'm really not feeling it because I already have mixed feelings about this person. Anyway, I have mixed feelings about the way that he interacts with me. And I didn't really want to add that to what I was trying to do for the evening.

And what I was trying to do for the evening was have fun, relax, and joy. So I ended up just sort of like saying, no, I don't want to play. Thank you. And then he kind of followed me around the party, um, trying to get me to agree to go. And I was like, no, I don't think so, but thank you. And so I kept having to move groups throughout the evening because I just felt like he was constantly in my shadow. But the problem is, is that I went from group to group and I never played. I never took my clothes off. I never got into the action.

I literally just went from group to group and chatted and talked and had some fun. And we spoke about interesting topics. And I was so far into this connection thing that I was not really transitioning it over. And then we ran out of time.

I'd been having these really great conversations with all of these various people and we ran out of time because we had to be somewhere else because there was somebody we needed to meet up with to ensure that we had locked down our plans for the end of the year because that's what happens in the lifestyle is you kind of got to lock in your plans by the end of the year or for the end of the year for these major events as soon as possible so that there's still room available.

We are going to a Splash Mocha event so that is coming up on the horizon and it's one of those things where we're, we've learned from previous experiences that if we want to truly play, sometimes we need to bring somebody with us. So that was our goal here. And I, so I knew that we needed to leave and I knew that we needed to leave fairly early. I knew that we were going to need to get out of there so that we could get to the next space before the next space closed the doors. And so I looked at the time and went, oh crap, we got to go.

So we headed out and I had not really played at this party. I had done a lot of chatting. I'd done a lot of conversing. I had entered different groups to feel things out and try to, but there was never that let's get naked vibe. So off I went to the next thing. And the next thing was another party. It was a party, a hotel party that I go to all the time. And it was a hotel party that I'm super comfortable with. I walked in there with my clothes.

Um, my, the person we were supposed to meet up with, who was Jeff, um, he came in or he was there and he was like, ah, and so we immediately went into our mode and he, and I ended up, I ran into G as in hitting the spot with G at this party. and it was so cool because he and I had never met in person before. He and I had just only met through the podcast. So it was really cool to meet him in person and have a conversation with him. And again, I went in to this evening with a different mindset than I think I ever have before, because I was okay with just talking to people.

And I ended up just talking to everybody except my friend, Jeff me and my friend Jeff really did have an extraordinary play date. We had an extraordinary time playing and we had so much fun that it was, it was, you know, definitely worth it. And we ended up hanging out with a lot of my, a lot of friends that I have made and having a conversation. Now, while I was playing with Jeff, there was another gentleman there who I have talked about in the past. He's the fish hook guy. He's the guy who stuck his fingers in my mouth, uninvited. And he was there and he was sort of like playing with me.

And I wasn't really paying a lot of attention to him because at the time I was like either sucking Jeff's dick or, you know, I was kind of doing something in that realm. And he went down on me and ended up biting me. And I was like, oh, what the fuck? What are we doing here? I don't know what the, I don't know what's going on in that realm, biting women. Because it's the second time I've kind of had to tap people on the head and say, hey, not a motherfucking chew toy.

So, um, and it was something that had actually happened to another lady at the party is so much so that the host reached out to the gentleman and said, what the hell are you doing? Um, so it wasn't just me, But here's the thing, it is the same as getting bitten on your dick when you bite us on the clit, because there's so many nerve endings there. There's so much going on. And I mean, the thing is, is that a little bit of tooth action might be okay, depending on where you're putting it, but not to the point where I can feel your teeth marks. That's not okay.

And so it's a, it's a fine balance and me, and it was really funny because my friend Linda and I were having a conversation because again, that's apparently what I'm doing right now is I'm searching so hard for connection that I'm actually not searching for play. I don't know if I'm compartmentalizing the two too much or what I'm doing, but I ended up only playing with Jeff. And the thing is, is with Jeff, he and I can have a conversation while we're fucking because we've got so much history. We've got so much, um, balance in between the two of us, so much synergy, so much like energy.

And it ended up being a really good night. I ended up getting off a lot. And so I was okay with the whole thing, but I didn't play with anybody other than Jeff, really. I had the gentleman who went down on me a little bit, but I didn't really play with him. I maybe gave him a little bit of a hand job. And that was about the extent of how we played with one another, because he tends to be a little bit rougher than, um, I'm looking for in a party situation. If it was, if it was a one-on-one, um, it would be different because I would have control over red, yellow, green.

Um, I would have more safe words imposed. I would have more boundaries set up in a one-on-one than I do in a party atmosphere. So having somebody who's a little bit more rough, a little bit more violent, a little bit more angsty in those environments doesn't really work because there is way too much commotion for somebody to be calling out in pain and not have it be stopped. So there's, when you've got monitors there, they're there to make sure that nobody's getting hurt. And if you're going to play too rough, then people are going to do things like gasp and ow and Thank you.

make sure that nobody's getting hurt. And if you're going to play too rough, then people are going to do things like gasp and ow and do all those things, which doesn't work cohesively in this monitored room. It's different when you're in the BDSM headspace. It's different when you're in a one-on-one. It's different when everybody can kind of gauge the other person's reaction without all of the excess background noise because somebody else's gasp of delight could be heard when it's not that person that you're playing with. Anyway, it's a lot.

So he was playing a little bit rough and Jeff was playing very thoroughly and we were soaking the bed and it was delightfully wonderful. And I was having so much fun just talking to people, just talking to people in the lifestyle, people who understand, um, what we're out there doing and just having conversations about weird, wacky shit, because whether I like to admit it or not, these parties are parties.

They are places where people come together to do the socialization to do the these people understand and get what i'm doing here and let's have a conversation about it anyway it was great fun though i had a really good time with at these two parties despite the fact that i only played at one of them and I'm going to have to really put my head into it because my husband has decided that I swayed, since I swayed so far the other direction, he's going to be my starting gun if we go to these house parties again.

Currently we are gearing up for the party that we're hosting this weekend and I am busy trying to put together all of the accoutrement that we need and it is going to be fun. It is going to be such a good time and I'm really looking forward to it. Um, and as we get closer and flu season happens, I'm really worried about a lot of people calling out cause I've already actually had one person call out and say that she wasn't going to make it. So fingers crossed that everything goes well. So I have, um, been reached out to by a couple of different people and one of them is a question from D.

Um, I, um, apologies. I don't know if you have a stage name. My name is Teresa. You can just call me that. Anyway, really enjoying and appreciating your podcast. Uh, such a, such useful info for folks looking to get into the lifestyle. You have an easygoing and honest style, which is refreshing, especially compared to some of the other podcasts in this genre, which I find are just skank tales. Since you have requested feedback on the show, I will offer my thoughts in exchange for some advice. Sound quality, very good. Microphone, quiet background, except for cell phones going off.

The 1970 porn clips are funny. The basic format is very good. Some sexy personal experiences, which are as tasteful as can be expected given the subject. Your attempts to sort through the issues you raise is very helpful and instructive, but you do tend to ramble and repeat yourself as you are aware. It is very stream of consciousness, which is understandable, but if you want to take this show to the next level, perhaps that's an area to work on. I'm just turning 60 and have a great relationship with my wife for multiple decades.

I just happened across your podcast, probably because I had listened to the good sex podcast, which I highly recommend for everyone. Um, and that started me down this road. Thinking about the ramifications of the lifestyle is pretty scary to be honest. Um, you have noted some of the pitfalls. Um, Um, uh, I haven't listened to all the episodes yet, but a major area of concern of mine is performance anxiety. I was a late bloomer and needed to get to know somebody before I could get hard enough to get it on. I didn't lose my virginity until I was almost 22.

I lost a couple of opportunities that I had always regretted. Now I'm much older and I may have developed the ability to separate sex from intimacy. My wife had multiple partners in college and I think basically has your attitude towards sex. So she would probably be fine with this whole scene. I'm not into the cuck thing at all. I have an average endowment. In a lot of stories you relate, guys with very large dicks are stars of the show.

I'm just wondering how often an average guys might be made fun of or dissed at parties or clubs, especially by bulls trying to flex for their own ego or gratification. Also, I imagine the sheer nervousness of showing up at this event may give me a bad case of the limp dick, at least at first. It kind of makes it difficult to join the fun. Do you suspect most older lifestylers use Viagra to get help to get over this hump so they can hump? I never tried it. I will also need to practice with a condom with my wife before venturing much further as decreased stimulation might also cause problems.

Ha ha ha, what could go wrong? Anyway, congratulations on the great, useful, inspiring podcast and a very tricky subject that absolutely cries out for honest, mature, safe, sane, and consensual approach you have. Please keep them coming. Okay. Let's talk, let's break this down into a couple of different areas because it's here. All right. I don't, I have never had anyone mocked in front of me. I've never had anyone.

There's one particular gentleman who I actually spoke about in the previous who has made mention of the fact that he is like a superior and it's mostly when he's trying when he's fucking you that he wants this reassurance that he's the best you've ever had and all this other shit and because of the fact that that's his style of play. He is very, um, uh very not enthusiastically enjoyed. He is very because he's so he's sort of a dick. We all sort of don't like enjoy playing with him. Because of the fact that he likes to compare himself to other people, we don't really enjoy playing with him.

And I am one of the very first people to say, yes, I have enjoyed many a big dick, but I've also enjoyed many an average dick. I have actually also enjoyed some small dick. I am one of those people who feels like the courage to come to a party, the courage to ask somebody to play, the courage to is so unbelievably fucking sexy. It's so unbelievably like inspiring that that does it for me, that I love to play. I love to have moments where, and yes, sometimes the sex is not as gratifying as other times, but that does not mean that it's not worth the investment. Okay.

Now, let's talk about performance. I'm sure that there are people who have used Viagra. I'm positive that this has happened. I am not privy to it, though, because on my side of the fence, it's not something that I really need. So it's not something that I'm super in the, in the know about. Um, but I am absolutely positive that there have been guys there who have used Viagra. Um, and I also know that walking into these parties is such a mindfuck.

I actually had a guy that I played with at the party, the back to school party, where he was so in his head that I'm literally sucking his dick, showing him my tits, doing all of the things, and he's just not doing it because of the fact that he's so in his head because he was afraid of this and now he's manifesting it. And I looked at him and I said, you know what? It's okay. It's okay for you to just come to the party, have a good time and not play if you're not comfortable. If you have put it so deeply in your head that you are going to get limp, guess what's going to happen?

You're manifesting that. And that anxiety is building. It's not lessening because now all of a sudden you've got this performance anxiety. Well, as women, we don't care if you cannot get it up, but don't make it our responsibility, okay? And I'm just saying this from the point of view as somebody who has spent a lot of time trying to help gentlemen get to the point where they're hard enough to play and had it not be working. And at some point, somebody has to call it. Somebody has to say, this isn't going to work. I'm too in my head. And it's no shade. I mean, I'm at the same party you're at.

I'm looking at the same exact tabloid you're looking at. I'm looking at the women getting fucked over here. And I'm looking at these guys standing around stroking their dicks over there, and I'm very well aware of what it is that you as a man are up against. You're up against all of this input, all of this anxiety, all of this, and it comes into play. And as women, we're not burdened by the same issues. We're not burdened by the same lack of ability to perform, which means that it takes a minute for us to understand that it's not about us per se. Okay.

It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I started to realize what it was, what we were up against, what, what, that it was more of a mental calculation on the other side of the fence than it was necessarily about me. So that being said, it happens. And nobody's dissing anyone. Nobody's talking mad shit about anyone. Nobody's doing any of that in my scene, in my parties, in where the places I'm going. Because if that was the vibe, I would not go back.

And that's something that you have to realize, not only as a party guest, not only as a party promoter, not only as a, you know, somebody who's in the lifestyle. When you make the atmosphere toxic and uninviting, nobody's gonna. So a lot of times there is none of that. There's none of that like desire to humiliate someone else. We're all just there to have the same amount of a good time as everybody else. And the thing is, I don't, I don't know how to tell men to do this lifestyle because women are different. You have to go in with a modicum of empathy.

You have to go in with a modicum of understanding. You have to go in knowing that this is scary for everybody. And everybody's in their own head about their own shit. And rarely ever is anyone thinking about you and your shit. Unless it's directly affecting them. most of the time they're time, there's no cross-pollination of thought there. That's why when women say to me, well, you know, but I have cellulite. I'm like, honey, he doesn't give a fuck. You have a vagina, okay? And that's really the thing that we don't have to be worried about what's in somebody else's head.

We have to be worried about what's in our head because it's our head. That's going to sabotage us. It's our head. That's going to start making comparisons. It's our brains that are going to start putting in that anxiety, doing the whole thing, making it in, making you unable to perform. So I would not necessarily walk in worried about what other people are going to do and or say, because they're, the chances are they're not going to do and or say anything to you.

It's going to come from yourself and you have to battle your own brain more than you have to worry about what other people are thinking about you. Cause most of the time they're not, I don't know if that helped at all. I don't know enough about the Viagra circuit to be able to answer any of those questions. But I do know that when you are in this lifestyle, when you are in this party mode, when you are going to these events that it's much more of a community. It's much more safe and congenial than a lot of people are building it up to be.

A lot of people are thinking that you're going to get the cuck humiliation that doesn't happen at these parties. It doesn't ever happen at these parties to my knowledge. There's only one person who's ever said anything about like, I'm so much better than all these other dicks here.

And he's somebody I don't enjoy playing with and don't, and haven't played with in months because I don't like his attitude and that is something that you should bear in mind if your attitude is superiority if your attitude is I'm the best if your attitude is arrogant if your attitude is not fun nobody's going to want to play with you. So make it light, make it fun, make it just a good time. Don't put expectations on it. Don't put anxieties on it. None of this is about that.

This is a hundred percent about having fun and connecting with people physically and having moments of pleasure and laughter and fun. And believe me, in all of these situations, the woman is the goddess and the man is merely there to serve the goddess. I know that that sounds crude, but that's the truth.

A lot of times when you go to, especially the kinds of parties that I go to, because I go to a lot of hot wife parties, the woman is a goddess in a hot wife party and men are servicing and it is a really inclusive dynamic that we all tend to find so a lot of the fears that you're talking about should be mitigated prior to you going by having that conversation with yourself. You're battling your own brain at this point.

I've had an interesting thing come up where I've had some people who've reached out to me and asked me to hook them up with other people in the lifestyle in their area i don't have that power Um, I'm a podcaster. Um, I literally am not, I'm in no way, shape or form qualified to be a dating app. I'm just not.

So I'm going to go through and I'm going to tell you the things that my husband and I do to find partners we go on fat life we look at the events tab we look at the events tab within 50 miles of where we are we then take a look and see what sounds interesting and what sounds awesome and what sounds not not interested and we court kind of sort through and we decide okay so I'm interested in this I'm not interested in that and we just sort of move through and then we decide where we're going to go to a party and then we go to that party and when we're party, we meet interesting people.

We talk to people, we fuck people. Well, I fuck people. We talk to people, we get some sort of comprehension of what it is that we're all looking for. And if things are great, if things are working, if things are well-defined, we'll take, we'll exchange numbers. And after we exchange numbers, we will then move to a one-on-one setting. Now, this is because my husband and I have very little time to devote to relationship building. I do not need the connection to have a good time. I do not need the connection to be able to perform and perform well. I don't need the emotional support.

So my husband and I have developed this finely tuned system. If we go to a party, we meet somebody, he's interesting. We exchange numbers. We already know that there's chemistry there because we've already fucked. Then we can bring them back and we can do greater, more intensive scenes. And that works for us. How it works for other people is dependent on what those other people need, dependent on what they're looking for. And the thing is, there are hundreds of apps out there. There are hundreds of apps that are trying to get you connected to other people and charging you in weird ways. Okay.

The thing I love the most about FetLife, it's free. FetLife is free. If you want to look at things in greater detail, you can pay a membership fee, but you don't have to pay to message people. You don't have to pay to look at events. You don't have to pay to look at things going on. The only thing you really have to pay for is video. Okay. You can't upload video and you can't watch video unless you're a paid member. And that is merely to support the app itself. FetLife is for me the kind of thing that works. Okay.

In other areas, there are other apps that work, work better, work more work because more of those locals are on that website. Now I have a guy who's reaching out to me from London, who's looking for ways to meet people, um, events that he can go to things like that. If you are in London, if you are in the UK and you know what works in your area and you have some suggestions, please do not hesitate to send them to me because I would be more than happy to promote them.

I would be more than happy to say, Hey, anybody in London looking to hook up, this is where you should be going because this is where people are having success. I'm having success with FetLife. And that's because of the fact that I use FetLife in a multitude of different ways. And that's what works for me. what works for everybody is different because, like I said, every area is different. Every app that's used is different. Like on where I am, SLS was the big one for a very, very long time. um if you're mid mid's SDC. And if you are in like Vegas, Cassidy is huge.

So it just depends on where you are and what the people around you are using. And one of the things that I will say is that you can find people on FetLife who can tell you where they go to find dates. And some people don't go on FetLife very often. Some people don't go browsing around. I happen to do that. I happen to my husband more than me but we happen to go through there and look at things that are going on in our area we look at things that are happening we look at things that might be interesting to partake in we enjoy finding opportunities to reach out and meet people there.

And then it states it right in our profile. We're going, we meet people at parties. That's how we do it because we're not into fakes and flakes and ghosts. If you're going to fake and flake and ghost, then you know, you're probably not going to show up at a party. So we like going to parties because it allows us opportunity to play, just drive the equipment, and then take it to a longer commitment afterwards in a different way. So that works for us, but that does not work for everybody. Not everybody wants to go to a party. Not everybody can perform at a party.

I am missing a large population of dick because there are certain people who know that they can't go to parties. They won't be able to perform at parties and therefore they don't want to even attempt it. But it is, to me, how my husband and I have decided that it makes it easier and less painful and less angsty when we can do it that way. Because, like I said, you've tested the equipment. You know everything works. You know that they're attracted enough to be able to fuck you in a very distracting room.

So they're probably not going to get weirded out by my husband peeking in from around the corner of the door or recording something from the stairs or sitting in a chair watching us or climbing on the bed and kissing me. There are things that are very distracting to certain people and there are certain things that would not work for them. So that's why we test the ability before we commit to something. And we have tried it both ways and this is the way that works for us. So I don't know what works best for anybody else. Because obviously I am not them.

If I was, then I would have to do things a lot differently. And as you can tell from all of the stories that have happened, all of the people I've interviewed, everybody's story is different. Everybody's path is different. Everybody's choices have affected the way that they've been able to perform within this community. And the thing is, is that when you find something that works for you, you tend to fall back on it. You tend to fall to that default. That's the app that you go to. That's the event that you try to get to.

Those are the things that you know work and therefore that's how you set your mind up that so experimenting going new places finding new things tends to but if you've had bad experiences look around there's other apps there's other ways there's other things adult There's other ways. There's other things. Adult Friend Finder, Field. There's so many different things out there that are designed to connect you with other human beings and connect you in ethical, non-monogamous ways. So take the opportunity to explore. Find out what works for you, find out what is driving the ship in your area.

Because if FetLife isn't doing it for you where you are, there are a lot more places that you can look to and explore. Thank you so much for joining me today on the Pineapple Pin Up the Hot White Flag podcast. I am working on my Patreon. I am uploading photos and videos and just trying to get everything sorted out. I'm uploading stories. But the problem is, is that I've got to get it all edited. So it's going to take me a hot minute. But if you'd like to see that stuff, go please visit my Patreon.

As I get more stuff up there, I will, of course, alert you and let you know so that you can stop by, take a look. If it's something you want to join, feel free.