Swinger vs. Hotwife

Transcript

Welcome to the Pineapple Pinup the Hot Wife Life podcast. On today's podcast I'm going to talk to Night Owl about the difference between the hot wife scene and the swinger scene. He is actually quite intimate with both so I thought I'd get his perspective. Good evening thanks for having me. I'm so glad you're here thank you for joining me. All right so in order for us to kind of get into what what it is we're going to be talking about why don't we get a little bit of your backstory. Sure. So we kind of get into what it is we're going to be talking about.

Why don't we get a little bit of your backstory? Sure. So we kind of got into the lifestyle kind of on accident. Really what it just was, was I wanted more women. Right. But I didn't know exactly what it was I was, I knew nothing about the lifestyle. I didn't really know it was a real thing. Right. I mean, I knew people get it, but I didn't know it was, it is what it is. So my wife and I, we talked about it. And first we were like doing an open marriage thing. And then we decided we want to try out parties. And the first party we went to was, it was very kink heavy.

And that, you know, it was fine. It was a nice party. We, um, they put on a great party still.

you know but it was okay how long ago when was when was covid that was six years ago yeah so 2020 okay yeah all right so um so you got started in 2020 because you were looking for strange yeah absolutely that's all it came down to okay and i didn't understand what i wanted any further than that all right so what about for your wife what did you want for her i wanted her to enjoy herself i wanted her to get whatever she wanted out of it you know because i going into it i was very intent on getting what i of it. I wanted her to enjoy it as well. You know, I want her, I want to have a good time.

Right. I'm having a good time. Okay. So, um, because here's the thing that a lot of, um, that a lot of people don't understand the difference between, you know, going in as a swinger couple, the conversation that you have is much, much different than the conversation you have when you're coming in as a hot wife cuck. I could imagine. So it was probably very easy for you to explain what it was that you wanted out of it. Well, no, it wasn't because I didn't know what I wanted. All I knew was I wanted more women. I didn't know.

Like now I have a much more specific idea of kind of how I want to move through the lifestyle. Back then I didn't, I had no idea. Right. But how do you want to move through the lifestyle? I like parties. I prefer smaller get-togethers. I like it where everyone gets to get involved and play and where basically everyone can be themselves, enjoy the lifestyle however they want to, enjoy their kinks in whatever way they can, and where everyone is just open. That's where I'm most comfortable. That's what I like.

So the fact that, has your journey evolved any beyond, like, you wanted a lot of women, you wanted different women. Yeah.

Have you decided that there's anything else that you want well yeah now i'm certainly more focused on um like build like making friends building relationships we've realized pretty uh early on in in this that we we like we like people in the lifestyle right and these are our people they're so fucking friendly exactly and not judgmental like you can truly be yourself and judgment free it's amazing yeah so yeah back then it was all about strange now it's still about strange but also it about community. It's about your tribe. Friends, community, and being a part of something.

We're a part of something. And that means something to us. Absolutely. And I'm never going to... I'm definitely not yucking your yum on that at all. Because one of the things that is very... I'm going to just throw some things, some differences out at you. One of the things that's very difficult for men who are looking for a relationship in a cuck, really in a cuck style, they have a hard time explaining what it is that they get out of it. But you can never approach a woman with like, well, you get to fuck as many people as you want. That's not what's going to do it for us.

What's going to do it for us is if you can explain what you're going to get out of it, what it's going to do for you, and then have that add into the things that we can figure out for ourselves. Because having a man tell me, you can fuck as many men as you want. Well, thanks for your permission. But let's be frank, if I truly wanted that, I'd be out doing that. So the conversation that you're having to get your wife into the lifestyle is decidedly different than the conversation that somebody like my husband was having to get me into the lifestyle.

So that's an interesting difference between lifestyle and hot wife. So you've been to both kinds of parties. What's the difference for you in the lifestyle party versus the? It seems to me that the hot wife parties are, they're not quite as social. It, it's just more just about the action, which no problem there. I don't mind that at all. But that, but that is definitely a difference. Whereas. Yeah, I'm always waiting for the starting gun. I'm like, I don't actually need you to talk to me right now. Just somebody read the rules so I can get undressed. Yeah, exactly. And that's great.

I love that because, you know, I want to get down to business. But it is a difference, you know, like I'm not like at the last event that I went to with you, I didn't really meet you and I didn't really make any connections. I had a great time. Yeah. Great evening. Right. But you know, I didn't really meet you. Now we're going to something, uh, following weekend. Um, same one. Uh huh. Fire man. Here we come. I thought I had a show about that. I wasn't sure if, uh, no, no, I we're definitely going. Yeah. Yeah. So, because that's where we met. We met at all of this party. Did, did. Lovely.

That was. But, you know, I'm going to be trying to meet people. I'm going to be trying, like, I met you there. You know, got your number. We connected. Like, that's kind of how, that's how I like to operate. Okay.

So okay so my thing is is that when i go to those swinger parties everything takes so long to get started i'm really one of those kind of people who's like and i mean anybody who listens to my show already knows this about me but like i'm one of those people i like to get in handle the business and then go get a sandwich exactly i just and the thing is is that i won't eat at a party because first of all there's a lot of different things that tie into it one of them is i definitely don't want to give anyone a cosby sweater second i don't always feel comfortable eating in front of people because of the fact that i am a bigger woman and there are these like tiny little waif people like oh she's eating and I'm like I just I don't need to feel like somebody's judging me in that regard even though they're probably not I don't think anybody notices what I'm actually eating it's probably just in my head but it's one of those things where I just don't even want to feel like that so I don't play into that I'm a bigger guy so like I get that like I have this, first off, I don't eat at parties either.

Mostly it's because I don't want to be weighed down or anything. Yeah. And you definitely don't want to be digesting. No, absolutely not. I want to be ready to go whenever. Digesting is rough during sex. I'm sorry. It's just rough. Yeah, I can't picture it. Sounds awesome. But yeah, I definitely liked it. I loved when we first met.

when I came up to you, I'm like,'s just rough yeah I can't picture it sounds awesome but yeah I definitely liked you I loved when we first met when I came up to you I'm like hey I spent like you know a few minutes just talking to you feeling it out and I asked you and you're like yeah right now I'm like great because that's exactly what I that's what I want to hear you know like that's like would you like to play yeah what right now okay let's go yeah because my is, is that I'm just waiting for somebody to give me the cue that it's okay.

And I think it was your fault that we ruined her bed that day. She was so mad at me. Oh my God, she was seriously talking some mad smack. I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. But it's going to happen. You're having the- Whose bed was that? The lady who rented the room. Gotcha. Okay, I'll get it. Yeah, and I was like... I mean... I did everything I could. I put down pads. I did everything I could. These things are going to happen. What do they do? And I'm not built for pee pads, man. No, you're not. Just not. No, you're not. Which is a lovely thing, I'm trying to think. Why, thank you.

But no, I mean, for me, the swinger parties tend to have a delayed fuse. Maybe a bigger impact. I don't stay for the whole thing, so I don't know. But they have a delayed fuse. Everybody's so... And there's a lot more lubrication. And by that, I mean drinking. Yeah. At swinger parties than there are at hot wife parties. Sure, because it's a lot more lubrication, and by that I mean drinking, at swinger parties than there are at hot wife parties. Sure, because there's a lot more socializing. You don't want to drink at a hot wife party because that's going to interfere with your performance.

And that and the fact that we all know exactly why we're there, and we're not trying to convince anybody. Right. Because everybody, the people who are there to do the thing, they're there prepared to do the thing. Right. Yeah a line. Sure.

and there's always some risk that you're going to cross a line sure and there's going to be friction between you and your partner until you get past all of that until you get to the point where with me and my husband he asked me to do something I went and I did it I hoped he wouldn't get mad at me but you ran I ran the risk now I know he's not going to get mad at me and I know because I have taken down entire fucking parties Thank you.

i hoped he wouldn't get mad at me but you ran i ran the risk now i know he's not going to get mad at me and i know because i have taken down entire fucking parties by myself that there's no such thing as too far for him and i don't know that that's the same in the swinger world yeah i mean well i'm sure it is for certain couples i mean because everyone approaches it differently at their own like pace and comfort level i mean, I'm sure, I mean, when I look at the way we are, we're very different than, you know, we have definitely also crossed lines on each other.

And we've, you know, and we talk it out, we work it out, and we move through it. And actually, we're the better for it. Right, exactly. Because communication at the end of the day is the epitome of what makes this lifestyle run absolutely and i and i know what you mean as far as the delayed starting gun because first off you're usually trying to make sure that everyone is kind of into it and that that can be a hard thing to to to facilitate yeah especially considering the fact that you're trying to get two couples, especially people who are just, we're only full swap. Okay.

I'm literally like, how do you pull that off? Because can you imagine if your wife was like looking at my husband going, I'm not interested. Or, you know, she was looking at me going, I don't want you to.

So like, there's so many more personalities that you have to have to and I'm like I'm not trying to derail anybody from getting into the lifestyle trust me I'm not if you want into the lifestyle it's an awesome place to be and the communication level that you have to have in the lifestyle is fucking amazing for your relationship it really is so but my thing is is that having to get two people on the same page is hard enough having to get four people on the same page is just sounds like a lot of math i don't want to do well see now that no that's why that's why we the way we approach things have evolved so much like we first got in it was always same room play with the couple you know like only Yeah.

And then as times progressed, we've kind of, you know, changed this, changed that. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not intentionally. And to where we are now, where, you know, I get to do the hot wife thing, but I won't. Because we have grown into it. Did she have a good time at the party? Oh, yeah, she did. Okay, good. Yeah. She didn't play, I don't know, with me. Well, yeah. She played with him and he was not.

But yeah, she have a good time at the party oh yeah she did okay good yeah uh she didn't play i don't know with me but yeah she played with him but yeah she had a good time okay good because because she had a great time socializing right to me i need like you know i'm like 25 socializing and then i need to get there and uh yeah my thing is is that i can't i can only do small talk for so long before i be before i start looking around going somebody stick a spike through my brain I can't do small talk for so long before I start looking around going, somebody stick a spike through my brain.

I can't do it anymore. And my husband is so much more the social one of the two of us. So, well, no, that's a lie. He's better at being able to socialize in small talk. But when he's done, he's done. And I'm usually one who can kind of rally and kind of pull myself in and out of the social scene without having my battery be completely deflated his is just like no i'm zapped we're done out so it's a major difference between between us but it works out really well because when i'm feeling like i really don't want to tell you what my favorite color is i don't know why why.

Are you buying me something? I mean, what would you say? Is it going to matter once you've touched my vagina? I mean, is any of that going to stick with you? No, see, small talk is, can I touch your vagina? That's just small talk. That's small talk. And see, that's the kind of small talk I'm into. I'm into getting sexy flirt on.

I am definitely not interested in talking about all the books that i've read and it's not because of the fact that i don't want to get to know somebody no i don't let's be frank about that i'm very it's very hard for me to be like if the relationship moves past one or two we've met at a parties okay then maybe and i but it has to move past one or two we've met at a parties because that for me is i don't know i know i get no i get the litmus test i guess get that because you're not gonna be friends with everyone you fuck i mean that just doesn't happen you know like sometimes you fuck someone you're like you know i don't like him that much i don't even know his name right you might fuck him again but it's like you know like that's and that's fine so it's very likely i will fuck right exactly so you know that totally makes sense that you don't want to really get too engaged, too involved right away, you know?

Like, it is all very surface. And quite frankly, to me, I like to get to know someone by having sex. Like, our first time was, it was very interesting, very memorable. Because I don't usually, like, talk during sex. Like, I'm, you know, a little bit like, but we were just, like, talking.

We were little bit like but we were like we were just like talking we were literally getting to know each other while we were fucking and it was it was really awesome yeah i'm much better at small talk when you have something to distract me well sure absolutely because you're getting down to what you're really there for so you know now for you so i can talk now yeah exactly it takes some of the edge off for me. Yeah, sure. But yeah, no, I had a very memorable time with you, too. And I think you heard it on my podcast. I did. I was, you know, I was pleased that I got a good report.

I was worried about that. Yeah, my Google report, my Google review came in. And oh, my God, so funny. But yeah, I'm really – and right now, like, part of the thing that my husband and I are doing is branching out into meeting people and going on dates. And I'm literally sitting there like – Okay, now, but how does that work in the hot wife world? Okay, so the date that we went on, it was my husband and I met a gentleman. Now, mind you, I've only been on one. Okay, so it's a date just with a guy. Just with a guy. Not a cop. Okay.

So the date that we went on, it was my husband and I met a gentleman. Now, mind you, I've only been on one. Okay. So it's a date with, just with a guy. Just with a guy. Not a couple. Okay. Got it. Yeah. We don't, because of the fact that he's not playing, we're not really throwing him into the shark tank.

And whenever somebody approaches him to play with him and puts pressure on him to play with him, that's usually my cue to get the fuck out so because it's happened at a couple of parties where women approached him and were like yeah you won't fuck me and he's like no thank you and then they press the issue and i was like yeah i you know i've actually we have experienced that situation where she didn't press but she was like oh they're getting down do you want her and he was just like no no thank you and that was that's kind of it but yeah yeah that's the thing but he but like that when i went to that party a woman laid hands on him oh and started like smacking him in the chest and i was like what she's getting that and i was like literally like please excuse me we have to leave now get your dick out of me it was it was this is the problem that I have with social lubrication.

She was drunk out of her fucking mind. And my problem is that, um, such a, um, advocate for consent that the more drunk somebody gets, the less consent I feel they're giving. Oh, absolutely. And that's part of why when we're in the swinger parties and things are very like drink after drink after drink, I literally am like, we got to bone out pretty quick. Because for me, I understand that some people need something to get on the level that they feel comfortable enough to step out of their skin, step out of butt.

For me, I'm very uncomfortable moving into a world where something could be deemed inappropriate by somebody who woke up the next morning and had second thoughts. I know exactly what you mean.

Because consent is a huge deal for me it should be a huge deal for everyone now i have not been in a situation where i have been with a woman where i think she was too drunk to give consent but i have seen women at these parties where i'm like ah and i've told the host like i'm not sure maybe with you know just because i don't like i don't want to i don't i'm not yucking anybody exactly exactly but it's like that person i don't think they're yeah they're you know and the thing is for me most of most of the parties that i've been to hot wife wise many of them don't have any alcohol um but many of the ones with that are swingers Everybody has a drink in their hand everyone yeah i'm trying to not to sound holier than that because how you get your kink on is up to you but that's the why i don't think i do as well at swinger parties i'm much more like i end up being much more social just chatting with people and i've actually left many swinger parties with just having fucked like maybe one or two guys.

So for me, that is not a successful party. No, I know how your nights go. That's not going to do it. That's not going to do it.

I've been like, it's and it's not I'm, it's not that I'm judging anybody for doing their thing the way they need to, but like for, I just really want to, um, I really want to go there and have a truly great time and have as much interaction as I possibly can because I take that home and I use it as fodder for this and I use it for fodder as with my husband a huge part of your relationship a huge part of my relationship is the reclaiming and the going over the party oh my god it's so hot and the fact that he's like that's my favorite the fact that you're coming back together as a couple and you're like my god i saw you take that dick so deep in your throat you know and you're just like yes i did well it's like for me it's just like that's kind of the hottest part talking about it while he's fucking me and being like but you know what you came home with me baby girl and i'm like yes okay so here's the interesting thing right because?

Because when I, I guess when I first heard about, like, the hot wife thing, I didn't get it. I didn't really know. I'm like, I just don't understand. But again, no problem with it. But, like, I couldn't get my head around with it. And many swingers don't. Well, but now, the more experience I've had, and since, again, re-explaining is my favorite part of the whole thing, I am, even though that's not a route that I would ever go, because I would not get a personal satisfaction from it, but I definitely, because I enjoy watching her. Now, that's not my whole thing.

For me, watching her is just like, yeah, later. And I get horny, and then I go and find someone else, you know, like I'm, but then, yeah, at the end of the night, we come together and yeah, like, it is. And we, and we do the, you know, this is your cock, this is your pussy, you know, like it's really awesome. So I get, I understand a lot more what it's about. I just, I couldn't do that like completely. Right.

And the thing is, is that there's a very, there's a very, there's there's a mindset there well it's not really a mindset it's it's a thing it's something that you if you understand it you understand it fully and if you don't understand it it's okay we're not asking you to do it kind of thing but like for those that understand, for those that can see somebody watching somebody else and get, and you can see them actually getting pleasure from it. Cause I have seen it.

I've seen it happen to my husband where he's so engrossed in the fact that I am having such a good time that he's literally leaking cum in his pants. Like I've seen that. So for me, I kind of understand where he's coming from. And because of the fact that we've talked and talked and talked, talked a couple more times and talked, I understand now more what it is he's getting from it. And at first, and I'm going to be, it's hard when they first approach you.

It's hard because everything in you is trained not to hurt men, not to hurt their feelings, not to, and like, this is going to sound mean, but I don't mean it like that. Once upon a time, my husband, it felt to me like his male ego was a Ming vase. And the only way to deal with his male ego was to hide it behind museum glass because even breathing on it was going to bruise it or break it or shatter it or something. So his, I always felt that his male ego was very fragile.

But now as we've moved through all of this, his male ego, his thing is so resilient and it is so strong and it is so much better than I ever gave him credit for.

Because before we got into all this he seemed very insecure because i think he might have been very insecure and now that this is going on and he sees how much pleasure i'm getting and the fact that i choose him every fucking day gives him enough that he's like the the little stuff doesn't piss him off anymore it doesn't bruise his ego because you were so desired he sees how men just fallen over you and yeah that makes him like yeah um look i don't think it's bad saying that you know you think that his ego was fragile i think that's the case for a lot of men we, that's because we don't really talk about or address that.

And I think that is the case. And one thing, I think the lifestyle is great for someone, you know, for like, believe it or not, as insecure as I come off nails, and I've talked about, I was actually a lot worse. You know, now I have a much better grip on it because, you know, being desired does that for you. Pleasing a woman does that for you. When I see that, because my wife is very popular, when I see that and I know that she loves me, that does it. So all these things really kind of help to, in my mind, enhance every aspect of my life, at least. Absolutely. And it does mine, too.

I mean, the fact that my husband looks at me and says, you are my porn star, is something that really resonates with me. Because one of the things that- Married to his favorite porn star. That's amazing. That's amazing. Well, one of the things that is really- I mean, I'm a woman of a certain size. And one of the things that I've always just wanted to be was just Thank you. That wasn't a dig for a compliment. But like, honestly, the fact that my husband looks at me like that, and the fact that my husband was like, no, go You find, I'm telling you right now, you'll find it.

And I was like, all right. And because I don't fear rejection because I know that I'm going home with him every night. It makes it so much easier to go out there and be, I may not be your cup of tea, but if you'd like a sip, it makes it easier for me to be confident about the fact that, yeah, let's do this thing.'s try let's experiment and if it's if it's not working for one of us we move on absolutely and like no harm no foul because i'm going home with him and that to me has been you have to have a good night i will have a great evening no matter what happens exactly Exactly.

Even the debacle of this past fucking weekend, I had a great time coming home with my husband. And it's really funny because that's actually happened to me a couple of times. Debacle of a night, like just what the fuck just happened. Then I go and I get a sandwich and we have a chat. He makes me giggle. And then we come home and like he and I together in that moment when everything has gone. I still have fantastic fucking We're going to be right back.

and then we come home and like he and I together in that moment when everything has gone I still have fantastic fucking reclamation sex and I have this time with him where it's like so much closer than we were before the shit show happened yeah but yeah so oh my god and that's interesting because i knew i knew something was going on because like i caught like wind of something it's like a quick comment i'm like okay i'm not touching that one and not for nothing i you could probably tell from my back and forth earlier on that day i had some stuff going on as well and are you talking about the party that you and i went to just recently yes oh no that's not i was talking about like literally yesterday and the day before gotcha okay because yesterday well yesterday was fine but the day before was i'm not going to get well i'm going to get into it on the podcast but no listen your episode i'll listen but but yeah so like we had some stuff going on that we were that we were kind of working through and all that and you know going out that night that was exactly what we needed you know we just got out there and we were just ourselves and we kind of reconnected and like i told you we went home we fucked four times before the sun came up and see that's the thing about going out and going out and creating these atmospheres of intense intimacy it will bring you back together.

Like there are times when if my husband and I haven't been to a party for a while, or I haven't had a play date in a while, he and I are both like, and then all of a sudden it's like, we're going to go, we're going to do this thing. And then it reminds us of what it is that we, what we feel when we come back together, when we do the thing that makes us, when we do our hobbies, it makes us, it just makes us that much more connected.

And for me, 100%, I love the fact that the swinger lifestyle has that too, because for when we first attempted this, we did try to attempt it as swingers, but that wasn't what he was looking for. But he couldn't find the words to tell me what it was he did want. I could see that, though, because, I mean, everyone's afraid that their yum is going to get you.

In fact, just a brief, I might have told you this story but the way that my wife and i actually started the uh talk about about the open marriage which was started all this was she was telling me a story about a friend of hers that you know he really wanted uh he really wanted something uh sexually and his girlfriend was not only not willing to participate but she was grossed out by it. And she's like, don't ever talk about this again. Don't ever, you're disgusted. And I was a little tipsy when she was telling me the story.

And I was like, man, that's really terrible that he just said, hey, this is something that I need in my life. And she just completely shot him down. By the way, something I wanted to talk to you about. But that was it because I was so taken aback by that story. It sparked your conversation. I've been wanting to bring this up for like six, seven, eight months. I've been trying to figure out a way to if I want to or not. And I heard that and I was like, wow, that's awful. And why am I doing this to myself?

And it's one of those things where it does sometimes take a spark to give us the understanding of what it is that we truly need.

And part of the growth opportunity of swing lifestyle is the fact that if you are honest, if you take the time and you explain what it is that you're looking for and that you're not trying to quote unquote escape you just want more you just it's it sounds greedy but we're not alone out here it doesn't sound greedy i mean we all have what we need when i talk about the fact that i took down 17 dicks at a fucking party that sounds greedy no it sounds like 17 guys uh really wanted a piece and you were game you know that's what it sounds like to me but yeah so but i understand but some people who live a very, like, don't have the vocabulary for a life like this, don't understand what it is that we get from throwing it around at a party and then coming home and being able to look directly in the person's eyes that we love the most and be like, I'm glad I'm here.

You don't have to worry that there's other people out there because trust me, I just tried all them. They were great fun. But I came back to you because this is where my intimacy lies. You know, that was the biggest part of our conversation about going down this path is me explaining and reassuring that it's not. Because, you know, at that point, we had a fantastic marriage. We'd had some... But at that point, we were good. We were real. And I was like, it's not that, you know, I'm not satisfied with you. You're beautiful. You're sexy. We have terrific sex. I love it. I just want more.

And I had to continually reassure her that it's not you. It's me. It's just this is what I desire, but I've always wanted. And I've always been so sexually frustrated because I never even knew I could live like this. I didn't even know this was a thing. Right. So, and that's why we don't have the vocabulary because you don't know what you don't know. How do you explain to your wife, you know, I really just want to watch you with other men and then come home and fuck your brains out. Yeah, sure, you can say that, but how do you even process that enough to communicate it, you know?

The problem is that most of the time they don't communicate it like that. Most of the time they're like, imagine if you were to go out and fuck like dozens and dozens. This sounds like a setup. Okay. This sounds like you trying to get mad at me for something. And I don't need that. All we want to do is reassure you that your cock is enough. You're, you're enough for me. I don't need other men. I could go on forever on this line of conversation because wow, that there's a lot there. Yeah.

Because honestly, that's how we are trained from birth don't piss them off don't tell them no feel that they are inadequate don't make them feel less than because if you do you put yourself in danger it's the one thing women are taught your vagina makes you vulnerable well you know really what i actually came to understand that, it changed so much about just, not just the way I viewed women, but the way I viewed life in general, the world in general. Like, once I understood that, it really opened my eyes to, you know, why maybe some women treated me the way they did at certain times.

And I could think back, like, I think maybe, you know, because of all those things you're saying. Right. Yeah. Because… Yeah.

treated me the way they did at certain times and i could think back like i think maybe you know because of all those things you're saying because literally women have to they don't have the freedom to just say and do whatever they want true and that's you know and the nice thing is is that because of the fact that my husband chooses to walk through these parties with me go with me be a part of this i feel so much safer saying whatever the fuck is on my mind absolutely saying whatever the fuck i want to i don't actually care if i offend you because i have to look out for me and that man over there is going to make sure you don't react poorly because he only cares that at the end of the night, I having a good time that's his only and if some and he has my god my husband is a wall my husband is a very large man and the fact that he uses that not to intimidate people but to basically just say I've got her back are you sure this is the road you want to walk down?

Makes me feel so secure. It's nice being big. It is. It's definitely an advantage. But the thing is, is that you have to know that comes with interpretation from women. So I don't, I'm not, I've never been scared at any one of these parties because my husband was there. And no matter how sassy my mouth gets, because my mouth gets sassy, I don't have fear. I can be myself because I know that no matter what. I wouldn't be comfortable with my wife going to a party alone. Right. Now, not because I don't want her to, I mean, you know, she'd have, like, she could go with certain friends of ours.

that'd be no problem. Right. But although, no, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. Right. You know, like. I had gone to parties on my own. That was actually fun. But at the same time, like, I went where I knew a lot of people. Because I went to the party, the party down there. No, he, no, your husband was there. No, he went, we went, I went one time. Oh, okay. I think it was end of January. I went by myself because he wasn't feeling well. And I went by myself and I almost ran out of gas. And I realized that this is the man who basically takes care of me.

He puts me in princess mode and i go and do princess things and then he does all the stuff that like makes princess mode work and i was like i don't know how to act without without him and it's funny because if i was going anywhere else i would have known to stop for gas i would have known to do x y and z but because of the fact that he handles everything for me I literally, and it was the most ridiculous thing ever because I'm a fucking grown-up. I've been a grown-up for a hot minute.

Sure, but there's something to what you're describing, though, because when you enter a room, you have, you carry up like a presence with you, right? They're called boobs. Well, sure. I'm just kidding. Sure. But besides that, it makes sense to me. I can't explain, but it makes sense to me that, yes, he would make sure that all of this stuff is arranged because you are the star. You know?

And when you walk into the room, that's exactly how you carry yourself so that man that makes perfect sense to me yeah he's trained me well he's a good man he's a very good man but there's i hope you i hope you know him better yeah i like him yeah he's very he is so very very good to me and i cannot complain one iota about anything in our lives i wish he'd stop dying on me. That's the only thing I really wish he'd stop doing. But like for the life of me, there's like, I really, he treats me so well. And he lets me be 100% myself all the time.

And when I walk into a room, it's because of the fact that I know that i fucking belong there and i got the chops you know okay you do absolutely i have the i have the pedigree but so how long did it take for you and your wife to um get past the full swap same room? Maybe like, I guess maybe two years once it was kind of, because like I said, we would sometimes cross lines here and there. I think it was probably maybe about two years in where we're like, okay, we don't really have to always be in the same room. It's actually fine. Yeah.

Because I mean mean, seriously, that part to me is always the confusing part. Because I understand why my husband's in the room. He enjoys the show. But I don't understand how, if you're paying attention to what she's doing, and she's paying attention to what you're doing, how are you paying attention to what you're doing? Okay.

I'm not paying attention to what she's doing so when i'm when i'm what's the point of being in the room with her and you know it was just because at first that that is what she was comfortable with i had didn't really give any thought like you know just but she said she was just that's okay fine but no i she's not paying attention to me i'm not paying attention to her now i might look over but like when i'm when i'm with the woman, I, she's not paying attention to me. I'm not paying attention to her. Now I might look over. But when I'm with a woman, she's my world. I've been there, done that.

Yes, I know. Exactly. And I'm like, wow, she is letting me stick my dick inside of her. This is amazing. This is awesome. And I'm just, I'm all about it. I'm not, everything else doesn't really register.

i'm just all about what i'm doing i sex is literally my favorite thing i lose myself in it you know i understand that so yeah i don't really pay much attention to what she's doing i mean i'd look over and it's like but but at the same time there's got to be some safety in it there's got to be some safety where if she actually like made some sort of verbal recognition that she was unsafe you'd be right there so i can understand it being a comfort thing for her for me i um i'm i'm just trying to figure out the mindset because it's alien to what i'm doing you know what i mean i think the comfort is not so much about uh physical safety i think it's more about um something that i that i've noticed with like newer people just get into the lifestyle is a lot of time the the woman is constantly looking for her partner to reassure reassure that it's okay this is fine you know that like and i think there was probably a lot of that that's why she wanted me there so i know so she knows that it's okay so she knows that you know everything that she did so you can't get mad at her for doing something so she can see what you didn't know about maybe so she can see what i'm doing just you know so i i think it's more it was more along those levels of culture and where now we are so more secure in our relationship but that's not really a thing for us anymore gotcha yeah because for me i think my relationship with my husband was it's gotten better year after year after year as we've done this but when it first started literally i'm like you you're okay with this okay cool and then it and then i got to the point where i was like hey listen whatever you do over there i'll check in but like i gotta focus over here because i'm doing something and and that's exactly what i what i all what i always see you know it's like you're short's good.

And I understand, like you said, the way women are socialized. Women are not socialized to appreciate their sexuality, to express their sexual, to enjoy their sexuality. If you don't have sex, you're a prude. If you enjoy sex, you're a slut. it like there's so many ways to put women back where you want them to be so that that way they can't be out here causing trouble. You know, the funniest thing, which, and I certainly just painted some bullshit in my youth because I was certainly not the man I am today.

It's not who I was as a, you know, my 20s or whatever, but something that perplexes me now, and I don't know how I wrapped my head around it back then you want like you want to have sex with all these women but then once they do it you call them a slut or if you know that they're having sex you call them a slut it's like it's so weird it's like i guess it's a slut because you won't have sex with me i guess it's just a really weird thing and i don't really remember where my head what my head would do with that in my youth so now it just perplexes me it's like well like what like she's a slut but is that like but you want to have sex with her so what are we talking about here like are you complimenting her with that and then of course there's like that well like what's worse being a a slut or being a whore?

And what's the difference there? And, like, literally, like, having to, growing up as a woman and dissecting everything that somebody says to you. Like, do you have any idea how many people, like, when people call waitresses baby or hey, sweetheart, basically what you're saying when you call somebody baby, when you're calling somebody a baby, you're like, I just need you to come over here and do whatever I say, because you're not enough of a person to make decisions for yourself.

When you call somebody a sweetheart, you're like, I need you to be sweet and kind and not get too unruly and the thing is is that as women we're constantly cutting through the way people verbalize to us what it is we're supposed to give them back what they're expecting in our reflection i've gotten too old for that i have no fucks left to give you can call me sweetheart but you're going to get whatever the fuck comes out of my mouth. Exactly. And it comes with age. It comes with maturity. But I don't think it's any different.

I'm pretty sure that my daughter still runs through the same fucking gauntlet of words that every woman has since the dawn of time. And I mean, I know that it's not exclusive to women or anything like that. And I'm not trying to say that it is, but it makes a difference. And going into a lifestyle like this, predetermined that you're really not supposed to cause a lot of waves, you're not supposed to be a slut, you're not supposed to want sex, makes it a little, takes women a little bit longer to get there. Absolutely. And it makes sense.

And, you know, which is why i think that there's so much drinking at swingers parties because the women have to get comfortable so that they can be okay with all the words interesting you know what's interesting about that is you're talking about dissecting all the words and like until you realize that it actually doesn't matter, because like you said before, they're really just trying to put you in the place they want you. It doesn't matter what words they use. They don't know the difference between a slut, a whore, and a bitch. They're all just you. You know what I'm saying?

It doesn't matter. Right. And that's true. And that's truly sad, but it's true. It's horrendous, yeah. But at but at the same time i mean i'm grateful that the lifestyle because i found so many fucking amazing female friends from going to parties and you know getting up off the terribly wet bed and going putting on a robe and having a conversation with the women in the room because i got to tell you women the women in the room are sometimes so much more interesting to have the conversations with, for me. I can imagine, because they are already at least partially over some of their hand.

They're already partially out of some of their handcuffs. So yeah, you will tend to have much better conversations. I have better conversations with women and men at these parties. Also, because it's so real. Right. It's just so real. Like, when I'm standing there naked talking to a woman wearing, you know, a negligee or whatever, you just have a real conversation. It's just, there's nothing to happen. You've broken down so many barriers already. Exactly, exactly. You're not wearing a lot of masks. No, no, you know. You're not trying to impress.

is me it's just me and that's you we're talking and that's it and that's so lovely and that's why i've really pretty much all of our friends now are in the lifestyle i mean we are vanilla friends we i mean but for the most part we hang out with our lifestyle friends because we just like them more. Yeah. And it's so much easier to be on the same page. Yeah. So much easier to be not parsing your words. Well, I can tell you one thing that for me is a big deal because I am somewhat insecure at times.

If I am having sex with a woman, a lot of the things I might be insecure about just kind of melt away and if her husband is okay with me having sex with her a lot of my insecurity there kind of washes away too because i'm like i know that we are all on a certain level with each other already you know there's a certain level of respect and acceptance and all that and so i don't need to be as defensive or as on guard because already we're just kind of like in a more comfortable position for me. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. It makes a difference.

It makes a difference that you're not having to qualify. Right. Exactly. All right. Thank you for joining me today. I really appreciate it. My pleasure pleasure thank you so much for listening to the pineapple pin up the hot wife life podcast um if you are going to get something special for a friend um go to love honey use my promo code pineapple 15 to get 15 off um my patreon is open and so are my socials which are listed in the show description and if you have anything you want to talk about hit me up at pineapple pinup pod at gmail.com I'll see you next time.