The search is on

Transcript

Welcome to the Pineapple Pinup, the Hot Wife Life podcast. I know that this episode is late, and I'm so sorry about that. I was very sick last week and had no voice to record. So this week I'm dropping a midweek, and then I will hopefully be back on schedule with Friday. Sorry, y'all. My bad. We'll be right back. be back on schedule with Friday. Sorry y'all, my bad. So when couples go on a search for a female companion that is bisexual and willing to play at parties.

They call it unicorn hunting because obviously a female single in the lifestyle is a lot more rare than a single male in the lifestyle. I don't know what they call it when you go looking for a bull. Matadoring? I honestly have no idea. But unfortunately, that's the position I find myself in right now. My most regular Mike found himself in a vanilla relationship and is no longer in the lifestyle. He let me know that he was not going to be able to play anymore. And it was very sweet and very nice. And I was very grateful because I really do want that for him.

That was something he was looking for, something he was aiming for. And in his particular situation, his age group is finding it harder and harder to find those vanilla relationships because they were never really set up to speak to other people. And so it doesn't necessarily come natural to them. So the fact that he found someone is great and I am super happy for him, but that puts me in a position where I am once again looking for someone local who can, I don't know, hang out two, three times a week. Not that he could, but now I'm on the search for what it is I'm actually looking for.

I have a roster of guys that I love playing with. And believe me when I tell you, I truly enjoy that. I truly enjoy having every single one of these gentlemen that I play with be just, I can't, I can't explain it. Each one of them gives me something different and I love it. Now, the only thing that I am missing is geographic desirability. Somebody who can come to my house two, three times a week, or I can go to their house once or twice a week and they can come to my house once or twice a week. That would be ideal. That would be amazing. That would be cardio. That would be my workout regime.

Let's be honest, that's how I would prefer to burn calories. So now that I know that I'm looking for something, it comes down to how to go about locating it, how to go about finding somebody who's local enough to play often, somebody who is interested in play that often, who I don't have to foster more than a friendship with. Because I'm not looking for a romantic partner. I am willing to give some intimacy, but I'm not looking for another husband. That's not at all what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for a boyfriend.

I'm looking for a play partner, a play partner who wants to personally train my vagina on a regular basis. Maybe get into something interesting and weird. I don't know. But the fact is, is that when you're looking for something in this lifestyle, it can be very hard to find what it is that you're searching for because everything is so surface level. You have to be able to trust this person because they are coming to your house. You have to be able to trust this person because what if you guys decide to go bareback? That is something that everybody has to get tested. There's a whole rigmarole.

There's a whole slew of things that you have to do in order to get to the point where you're that comfortable, where you know that this is what we're doing. So now that I am looking, it's bringing up a lot of questions as to what it is I'm actually looking for. Am I looking for a toy that I can play with, boss around, tell what to do? Or am I looking for I don't know if I'm looking for somebody who wants to take control and take me out of my head two to three times a week. Or maybe it's a combination. Maybe somebody who's in a switch position.

Somebody who will concede control when I'm feeling extra dominant. Or somebody and but will at times take control. And then at times, just come over and fuck, okay? Just come over and slide in and conquer the area and create puddles, lakes, waterfalls, rivers, all estuaries. I'm down with all of it. So thinking about what it is that you want, what it is that you're looking for is very helpful. But at the same time, it can be very limiting. And sometimes you just have to leave room for what you need to walk in.

And I'm so happy that my friend Mike has found a relationship and that he is, because I know that one of the things that he truly looked at when he was with me was my relationship with my husband. He wanted something like that. And the fact that he has found something may start vanilla, may move into other territories. I don't know what's going to be right for them, but the fact that he found something and he's giving it a shot is awesome. And I'm so happy that he has found a partner to experiment with and to decide how they want to live their sexual life together. That's amazing.

And I want that for everybody who wants that. But right now, I'm sort of looking for something to fill that void because my roster is great, but they are geographically undesirable. They are not close enough to do the kind of meetups that I want to do. I can still meet up with them and I'm still planning to meet up with them, but I need something a little bit more geographically available. Somebody who can come over at six o'clock at night and be gone by like seven.

Somebody who can spend an hour twisting me like a pretzel and then go home and have dinner and go to bed because this is my real world. Not only do I want to have amazing sex, I also have a full-time job and a family and responsibilities and all kinds of things going on just like we all do. So finding somebody who could break off a piece for 45 minutes on a random Tuesday and then come back again on a random Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday would be amazing.

Having to travel for Dick is great, but also time consuming because when you travel an hour up and then travel an hour back and then spend an hour doing that, you've literally wasted the entire, you've not wasted, but you have literally spent the entire night doing that. And that leaves very little room for all of the other interests and passions that I have, like eating dinner with my family and cooking dinner and all of that good stuff. So I have some hurdles that are coming up And I'll see with my husband.

And this is how we connect and how we spend our time and how I tease him during the week and say, guess who's coming over tonight? Guess who's coming to dinner? It is everything that my marriage is evolving to. It is intimacy between me and my husband that I can tease him with and he can feel that connection all week long. Because even after it's over, I'm texting him and then this happened and then that happened.

And something I'm going to miss about Mike is he had this one particular move that he would throw his hips at me at such an angle that it would literally feel like he was slapping my clit at the same time he was penetrating me. And it could be very painful. And that pain pleasure combo was fucking outrageous. It was like, yes, please more until it gets to the point that everything is like, okay, stop slapping me. But there's a fine line and you're going to walk it with every partner you have. What is the thing that's going to make this person stand out to you?

What's the one thing that's going to make this person gel with you? And now I have the exciting task of figuring that out. So my PSA for today, when you find yourself in the lifestyle and you really are enjoying the lifestyle, but you're looking for something more, when is it time to pull the plug? When is it time to decide which path you're taking? That is something that I know Mike faced. Mike faced that two paths diverging moment. And he chose an intimate personal relationship that could build into something that might be permanent or might be long-term.

He made that decision that that was the road that he wanted. And that makes perfect sense to me because a lifestyle isn't a life. Unless you have the rest of your life connected, interwoven with your lifestyle, standing on the outskirts, watching couples play in a lifestyle when you are a bull or you are a unicorn. It can be very frustrating because part of you really longs for that person that you can look at across the room, lock eyes with, and know that no matter what happens here and now in this spot, that person's going home with me. That person is going to understand me.

That person is not going to reject me at the end of the night. No matter what happens in this room, that person that I'm locking eyes with is my person. So when the opportunity arises, I think the best way to confront something, If this is a, if the lifestyle is something you really need, you need to start having conversations a lot earlier when you're starting to build the relationship because it is very difficult to look at your lifestyle choices later on in life with the same honesty that you can have before expectations are brought in.

When you start stacking two truths and a lie, when you start, when you start building a relationship and you're trying to put your best foot forward and you're trying to be impressive and you're trying to, sometimes it feels a lot like two truths and a lie. This is a truth. This is a truth, but I'm not going to tell you the entire truth about this section of my life. You have an opportunity at the beginning to test the waters and give them all of the information that's going to allow them to make the best decision. But at least it's never something where it was in question.

This is something that you participated in. This was something that was fun. And it can be a titillating, this is something I've participated in in the past. I don't know if it's out of my system. I don't know if this is something that I'm going to want to seek out with my partner later on. But having those conversations early on leads to a lot less hurt feelings when the conversation comes up. I know from personal experience, the first time I told my husband that I wanted something divergent from the norm, it really took him by surprise.

It shook him in a way that I don't know if it truly injured him psychically, or if it was something where he just had to work through the shock of it before he was able to see it. But I know that his instant reaction was not great. Um, his instant reaction was, it came from insecurity. It came from fear and it wasn't something that was ever going to work the way he thought he could make it work in his head. So the initial conversation can be brutal, but if you do it early and you start at the beginning, before expectations are formed, before those paths are cemented, Thank you.

at the beginning, before expectations are formed, before those paths are cemented. It can be a little bit easier to make sure that you're all on the same page. And maybe when you have found your person, you don't need the lifestyle anymore. And that is amazing. And I applaud that. Truly applaud that. I have always found the village approach. But that's just me. So I have a question about when you live in a wasteland, what's the best way to find people to play with? Um, I guess that's the struggle we're all facing when you live in the zone between the zones.

Um, when you live just outside of that geographically desirable area where people actually play. Um, the thing is, is that I do think that there are people in my area that play. I do think that there are people in my area that want to play. I do not think that we have a good network. And so one of the things that I am going to try to attempt to do is create more opportunity for people in my particular area to show up and have fun and find people to play with. Now, the problem with that is you have to grow that.

You have to be willing to show up at dud parties, play with one or two people and then spread the word. I am going to get into this definitely more on my very next episode because I actually planned and had a party and I want to tell you some of the things that I learned because I think it's going to be important, especially if you yourself are in a wasteland, but you know, people who are out there and want to start creating community. Maybe there's something that you can as a group do. Find those opportunities, plan together, whatever.

So in my particular situation, I need to start doing more local. Because as I may have mentioned, I am searching for something right now. I am searching for a regular friend, a regular roster, a regular pinch hitter. I want to have somebody close by that. And in order to do that, in order to meet them the way that I feel most comfortable meeting someone, I have to start making the effort to build the local community. Now, I think I know the problem that most people have when you live in the zone between the zones, you probably live in a very small town.

You probably live in an area where everybody knows everybody. And I'm going to be 100% honest with you. My vanilla life ran very hard into my lifestyle life and it wasn't bad. Honestly, I met a girl that I knew from work at an event and she and I were like, damn. And the thing is, is that when you're all living your life, the way that you're living your life, it's not a bad thing to run into somebody that you know. It's just another thing that you know about somebody because they know that about you too. You know that about them. Mutually assured destruction.

Nobody's talking about this around the water cooler the next day. Nobody's standing around going, oh my God, you'll never see, you'll never guess who I saw in an event. Unless they're in the lifestyle, they don't really know what you're talking about. So there might be some interaction in the community. There might be some things that you discover about your neighbor and I'm not sure that's a bad thing. Honestly, I'm not sure that's a bad thing. I'm not sure that it's a bad thing that we take and live our lives a little bit more cross-pollinated.

I am living my life so loudly right now that I don't care who knows about my life. I think the only people who don't know about my particular lifestyle are blood-related to me or blood-related to my husband. Everybody else, it's a fair game. I don't have time to live my life without that authenticity. And therefore, that's what I'm striving for. I'm striving for loud, bold truth. And that's kind of something that you have to get okay with if you're living a lifestyle and you want to build a community I'm sorry.

and that's kind of something that you have to get okay with if you're living a lifestyle and you want to build a community too. So these are our options, and it's scary. But just remember, it's scary for them too. so on my next episode, especially, I'm going to get into that community building, that finding a way to make the party the party. thank you so much for listening to today's episode of the pineapple pinup hot wife life i am really really loving doing this podcast and i hope that you're getting something from it.

If you have questions, comments, suggestions, please don't hesitate to hit me up. My email address is pineapplepinuppod at gmail.com. Reach out. Let's touch base. Thanks.