Party Vs Playdate

Transcript

Welcome to the Pineapple Pinup, the Hot Wife Life podcast. On today's podcast, I talk about a party that I went to and then I talk about a date that I had the night before and the differences between them. This is a lot of introspection about my journey and what it is that I am searching for. So bear with it. So I went to a party over the weekend and going to this party was something that was highly anticipated. We were eager to go because the one that had been, um, uh, planned for the month before had been canceled due to a COVID thing. And we were chill.

We, you know, they sent out the notice and we said, Hey, just put us on for the next month. So it ended up booking up our schedule pretty good. So we had plans to go. And then I got in touch, a friend of mine got in touch with me and said, Hey, can you get me an invite there? And I said, sure, absolutely. Because me and this guy are friends and I really like him and we've played very well together. And what's really funny is he happens to be really one of my go-to guys, especially at these house parties. At these house parties, he's somebody I can rely on.

And that's going to come into play really harshly here. So we showed up there and we had been back in touch with a guy that we had met at hotel parties a while back. He found out we were going, he, he decided he wanted to go to this same party we were like cool all great he showed up zeroed in like focused up now we got there right on time which is terribly early everybody else was at least a half an hour maybe 45 minutes minutes to an hour further behind us.

So we had a long time to kind of, uh, sit and try to pretend like we were helping because we were trying to, but there was really nothing for us to do. So there was a lot of other people running around and doing a lot of stuff.

And we we're just chilling and this guy that had met up had contacted us let's call him Chris he came in and sat down next to me and zeroed in like this is where I'm gonna be this is what I want to do this is we're locked we're loaded when everything bounces off this is where we're starting he at one point got up to get some juice and but mainly it was like the conversation was all pretty much right there I ended up talking to another woman who I'll call Mandy she was adorable and I was really enjoying talking to her. But then, um, I decided that I wanted to play.

So I got up to go find somebody to play with and Chris came, was like, all right there. Let's go. So he went and chose this other gentleman to join us because his big thing was, I've never tried double vaginal penetration. So he wanted to do that with me and this other gentleman. And I was like, okay, I'll try anything once, you know, let's, let's give it a go. And it was no bueno. Um, we started out, I'm giving blowjob. Um, Chris started eating me, um, and I'm giving a blowjob to the other gentleman and I'm giving blow job, more blow job.

Um, Chris finally decides he's going to try to take, you know, some action. He gets in there. I start laughing. He feels like his dick is getting squeezed off and has to pull out. Um, I'm giving this other gentleman a blow job, blow job. They decide to trade for a minute. So Chris comes over and I start giving him a blow job and the other guy starts eating me from behind. Blow job, blow job. Chris and this gentleman change places. Blow job, blow job. Chris is trying blow job, blow job. The guy finally, and I'm getting the guy close and he finally says, I can't come until 10. And I'm like, huh?

Religiously? What are you talking about? Like, he didn't want to come before 10 o'clock. And it's like 9.15. So he's not going to fuck me until after 10. That's basically what he just told me. Chris went to find something, to do something, don't know what. But my friend who I'd gotten invited there, toe, toe man, he came in and I was like, dude, can you help a girl out? And the guy that I, that didn't want to go until 10, didn't want to, you know, blow until 10, he was like, well I'm coming back I l I licked it. So I got dibs. And I'm like, okay.

So then me and tow man, uh, started going and I was like, trust me, the pump has been primed. I just need somebody to get me off. And he was like, he got in there and he started doing his good, solid work. And I was like, pull out. He pulled out and jumped off the bed. And my squirt shot straight up in the air and landed right back on top of me. And I was like, why did you leave? You're supposed to be my backboard. You're supposed to be the one that absorbs most of this. So it doesn't just fall right back on me. He's like, oh, sorry, I didn't know the rules. I'm like, yes, you did.

And so we ended up goofing around about that. And then he got me off a couple more times. And then I looked at my husband and I was like, you know what, we wandered around, we tried to, we went to the bathroom, We were looking around. And I don't know what was going on. I couldn't figure it all out. I was having a lot of difficulty finding out what the rhythm of this party was, what the expectation of this party was. And I think because of the fact that my husband doesn't play we're not as welcome there and it feels more um I don't know it just feels it feels weird.

Like we're not as invited into the inner sanctum. And so my, I don't know, we're, we're working on it where I'm trying to, I'm trying to work through my house party situation. But here's the thing.

It was so uncomfortable that I'm literally with these two guys and I can't get fucked and then I'm wandering around the party and I can't get fucked and I don't know what it is I don't know if I'm just not the cup of tea for that particular party or what it is but I was like I was open and available and making myself like showing people I was ready to go and I don't know what happened I don't know where like people would wander in and then leave wander in and then leave and it was like I don't it. I don't understand it. I don't know what's going on.

So rather than try to sort through the social cues that I was missing, I just told my husband, let's take off. Because there are sometimes when you're going to not be able to save the situation. So there's no point in struggling into finding a solution. It's just not going to happen. So at some point you take your leave. And I went out, I told everybody, Hey, I'm taking off.

And then the one guy, the one guy who didn't want to come until 10 was really shocked that I was leaving and I was like um okay bye and I don't know if I was um I don't know what the situation was I don't know I'm having a really hard time grasping what's going on here grasping what it is that i'm not doing at house parties that work so like because everything works so well at a hotel party i'm comfortable at a hotel party i'm down with a hotel party everything is very like like regimented and here's your starting gun and everybody go and I don't know how many more house parties my husband and I are going to do.

I really, honestly, I want to, because in Vegas, the house party was off the chain. The house party was amazing. I don't know if it's just geographically that everything is so cliquish here that when you're the new person, it doesn't really work as well for you. Even though I did have a lot of fun at the one that I went to, like that was two hours away, I had fun there. And then I ended up having fun at, that was two parties in one night. And that one, that one actually was fun and I had a good time, but the air conditioning situation was not my bag.

and because of the fact that my husband and I were both getting overheated, it was time to go, which, but that house party was fun. I did have a lot of sex. I did fuck a lot of people and it was a good time. Um, so I don't know. I don't know, know um i don't know if it's just me not understanding the vibe or if it's that i'm just not built for them i'm gonna have to i may have to do more research so i may go to more. I know. I'm a real scientist when it comes to this stuff. So let's talk about the Friday before the Hellscape party.

Let's talk about the date that I had come over and how I may be different than swinger party. I may be not good at swinger parties. Um, okay. So the date I had on Friday, he texted me that he was heading to my house at like 11. And he did not get there until three. And by the time he got there, he was carrying food because we had both been without food for a very long period of time. Because I try not to eat before a date, as I may have mentioned many a time. And I was a little bit like, what the hell is going on?

Turns out he got stuck in traffic because a Friday in my area is like a red flag to a bull. Everything is charging. People are coming from all over the place and straight right through where we all try to live our daily lives. So it's a little bit crazy trying to get anywhere on a Friday and I don't recommend it, but he decided to come down and he finally gets there at three and then we eat something and then we go upstairs and we play a little bit. This guy and I have magical chemistry and I'm not talking about like, um, we share the same views on, no, I'm talking about sexually.

We have a magical chemistry. We have, um, he has very primal energy. I have very wanting to be dominated energy and together it just sort of melds really nicely in the bedroom. So he fucks me hard. And he fucks me with intensity. And I like that. I like that energy. I like that composition. I like that power. I like the way that he tries to control me with his eyes. I like the way he tries to control me with his body. I like the way he tries to get me off higher, longer, all that good stuff. Um, because it's really intense. Right.

And so he, that day we mostly fucked in like missionary position. There wasn't a lot of changing that up, but he is dedicated to fucking my ass, like dedicated to the whole philosophy. He loves anal. He loves rimming. He loves everything about it. He fingers my ass. He is really into ass play, which is great. And my husband's on board. So it was really intense because he was fucking me and warming me up and getting ready to take me to the next level. And And it was, um, a lot of primal power, primal energy, primal and I don't know. Um, for me, for me, that really works.

Um, that, uh, gripping of the hair hair that gripping of the neck that like just gripping just that thing that you need more leverage on another human's body to get further deeper harder for me um that's very powerful and that was sort of the energy that we came at in this particular round.

And this time, because of the fact that I was very cognizant of the fact that last time he'd been over, I had not gotten video because he had not asked, he had not to you know he wasn't comfortable with his face being filmed which you know whatever that's fine but the problem is is that I have to record it's one of the things that I have to do to get my husband involved in my play and because of the fact that that step was sorely neglected the time before, I was adamant that this time I'm not going to show your face to anyone, but this is important because this is how my husband and I play.

This is how my husband and I connect. So we filmed it and it was really, really good. Then he's like, I want to go in the hot tub. And I'm like, okay, cool. So we go into the hot tub. And then because of the fact that it's fucking August in Virginia, it's fucking terrible. It's too hot. We go into the hot tub, and I get overheated. I get like, I'm going to pass out. So we go back into my very nicely air conditioned home and we sit on my couches, my brand new couches, and we just chill out and we watch some TV.

Then I get a call from my husband that he's on his way home, but he has to stop and pick something up. So he's going to be a little bit later. So we decide we're going to go upstairs and play. So we go upstairs and we play again. This time he's about more about the ass and going to fuck my ass and all this good stuff and wow um we fucked really hard and he left all sorts of come on me so that when my husband came home he would have something to play in because it's one of my husband's kinks my. One of my husband's kinks is that he enjoys cream pies. He enjoys cum.

He enjoys the evidence of another man being with me. He enjoys that. And so it was one of those things where because of the fact that this man this man and I were very like, I enjoyed the fact that he was using me as a cum canvas. I enjoyed the fact that he was using me to really, truly explode and like get me super messy. I fucking loved that. And it was one of those things where I tend to use that with my husband during the reclaiming. I tend to use that as like, and then this happened. And you can see the evidence of that right over here.

And like it, for me, it's very much, um, gearing my husband up, energizing him for the reclaiming so that he wants me just as desperately as this man wanted me. So for me, all of that plays into when he fucks my ass and when he leaves come on me. It's all part of what I'm going to feed my husband during the reclaiming. So for me, all of that was like really excellent. And knowing that my husband is about to come home at any time, it was, I'm waiting for him. And my husband gets home just in time for it to be over.

And I have him shut off the recording for me because like, he just has really good timing. So then I had started dinner when I knew that my husband was coming home. And so we went downstairs and we all had dinner. And then after dinner, we went into the hot tub again, the three of us. And we were talking and chilling chilling and again, getting very hot. So then we decided to adjourn to the bedroom. So we went up to the bedroom and we played and he and I played and my husband and I played and then he and I played again.

And then he wanted one more go before he left for the night and he like fucked me a lot now I will get into more specifics here in a second, but I'd like to just mention that the fact that I was at a party with like 150 guests and couldn't get fucked was a crime. But in my home, I got fucked like six times that day. And sometimes that isn't a sign. That is a sign that you need to take a step back from certain activities, right? You need to stop trying to put your eggs in this basket of let's go have a great time at these parties when these parties aren't really effective for that.

The thing is, is that there are way too many variables that are going to throw you off your game. There are way too many variables that are going to throw you off your game there are way too many variables that are going to throw you for a loop and with me and my husband those things are happening a lot more frequently at these house port parties and I'm doing my best to, you know, try, try to be more active, more engaged, more friendly. And I don't know if I just don't have it in me anymore for small talk or what.

But I mean, I'm running through the list of things that have gone on in the various parties that I've been to. And I'm trying to figure out what it is that I'm not doing correctly. Because if I don't have a friend there, if I don't have somebody that I know, it's like I don't play. And I don't understand if it's because I am new to these parties and it'll get better as I keep going, or if it's because I'm me. I don't know. I don't know what it is. And I am hard pressed Thank you. if it's because I'm me. I don't know. I don't know what it is. And I am hard pressed to figure it out.

I'm hard pressed to find out what it is that is making it so... I'm trying to figure out if my feelings are hurt. Is that it? Are my feelings hurt by these parties? Because I go there and I talk to people. And I mean, I'm not a suit, like I'm super social. I am super social. I can talk to anyone. The problem is, is that in those parties, it's a little overwhelming to come up with enough small talk and my brain doesn't work like normal people's brains. And so I don't want to ostracize myself.

Well, I'm sure my brain works exactly like everybody else's brain, but still, like I am, I've got a lot of inane trivia, and I've got a lot of esoteric references, and I've got a lot of like, funny bullshit lines, and I got sarcasm for fucking days. So my communication style can be very, very fucking off putting. It can be very fucking off-putting. So when I'm in there and I am trying to connect, it is difficult for me to rein in my weird, rein in my goofy professor bullshit. And I don't know if I am just, if I need more practice. This is like trying to solve the riddle of the Sphinx.

Every single time I maybe answer one question, there are more questions coming. So I don't know. I can't say. I don't have the answers. And I don't think I'm going to be able to get the answers unless I keep going to these parties, unless I keep putting myself out there, unless I keep talking to people. And that's the hardest part for me when I go to these places.

I don't know what is wrong with me because i am a super social fucking person i can talk to anyone so why don't i why don't i approach anyone why does everyone have to approach me what kind of narcissistic bullshit am i dealing with inside my own head that says if they don't approach me then i don't have then they don't, then I don't talk to them. The thing is, is that, um, I don't know if it's narcissism or if it is a trained trauma response.

Um, right now I feel a little guilty for calling myself a narcissist in that capacity because I really do think that this was very much a trained response. The more I get into it, the more I sit in my feelings and I sit in the question, the more I think that I don't think people want to talk to me unless I don't think they want me to approach them. I think that if people come to me, then they want to talk to me. But if they don't come to me, then they obviously don't want to talk to me. And my friends absolutely fucking hate that about me because I never text first. I never reach out first.

I am great at responding, but I am not great at starting. I'm feeling some kind of way about these parties and I don't know if it's something that I should really look into and talk to my husband about, but I don't think I should give up on them. I honestly don't think I should quit going to them. I think that I need to go and be a better socializer, a better verbal lubricant, you know, a better connector. And I'm trying desperately to figure out how to do that. Thank you very much.

and i'm trying desperately to figure out how to do that and it's nice that at 50 years old i'm still trying to find things to improve about myself i am happy with who i am and i am happy with my life but if we're not growing, eventually we might as well become a potted plant. So I have areas that I would like to improve about myself.

I would like to be able to go to a party and talk to people about people things and get to know people so that they will feel comfortable on the same level that I feel comfortable because obviously what I'm doing right now is not successful in certain arenas it's very successful in the arenas that I've been to it's very successful in certain arenasas, which is why I've sort of gotten lazy, and just gone to those. So maybe just maybe, because I'm, I'm going to be frank with you, I'm going to a hotel party today. And I'm kind of scared witless. I'm scared out of my fucking gourd.

Because this is going to be first of all, nobody I know, pretty much nobody I know. There are going to be some people who know me because of my podcast, but there's, I know very few people. And I am a little wigged out. I'm a little intimidated by what is going to happen at this party. And it doesn't help that I'm on the discord and the discord is filled with all these sexy, beautiful couples that are like thin and like, um, eager to do swap swaps. And that's not the dynamic that me and my husband are or do.

And I'm beginning to feel like we may be, and I'm starting to get very intimidated and anxious about the fact that we could be ostracized. Oh, no. And I don't know what my fucking problem is with all of this, but this is the kind of angsty bullshit that you go through when you try to be in the life like this. This is the kind of thought process that you're going to have come up occasionally.

And this is the kind of thing that when you are going, you have to face down these demons, you have to face down these demons and say, Okay, so this may not be somewhere we fit in, this may not be somewhere we fit in, but we're going to go and we're going to have a great time. And if nothing else, we're going to play with each other. And I'll take my Symbian and I'll do all of these things. And if I meet somebody, if we meet some people that are fun to talk to, we'll talk to some people. And if I don't talk to anyone for the whole weekend other than my husband. I like talking to him.

So there's no downside to us going. There's no downside to us exploring. If it's not our cup of tea, we have each other. And that's the best part about doing this lifestyle with a partner. OK, it is the best part, because whether or not there is acceptance of me, he is accepting me. And I know that many women are out there going, oh my God, that's exactly how I feel. Because we always feel like, what if we're not accepted? What if we're not acceptable? But go and have a great time. Go and don't let the anxiety of being mean-girled be the thing that prevents you from having experiences.

Because it may turn out to be fucking fantastic. You may meet somebody so incredibly awesome, that it will change your world. But my thing is, I need to work through some very deep, emotional, bullshit scars, to come to a place where I can be a better party guest at these house parties, where I can be a better, more involved individual in these play spaces and give people an idea of what it is that I am looking for. Because there were plenty of single people at this party. It wasn't like it was a full swap situation. It was a swinger party.

But the thing is, is that people other than myself need that connection, need that conversation, need that thing that tells them, hey, we're in a good spot. Let's move this into a room. I'm not going to be touchy-feely ever. It's not what I do. I can be emotionally available when given the proper code to do so. Like when I can very much mirror what's happening, but I have to be able to understand you before I can mirror. And I'm not saying I don't know. very much mirror what's happening, but I have to be able to understand you before I can mirror.

And I'm not saying that I don't understand that I am a sociopath. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I can be on the same emotional level with you when I understand the emotional level that you're on when it's when we've broken down a couple of different barriers I can get there but my thing is is I am such a Capricorn where I need to fulfill the objective. And if I'm not fulfilling the objective, then it's wasting my time. So if I'm at a fuck party, that's the objective. So I need to get out of the mindset that I'm going to a fuck party.

I am going to a socialization and I need to socialize. And after I have socialized, I then might start the fucking. This is all stuff that we see, if we're lucky, blind spots in our knowledge. And if we are very, very intelligent and we are very, very on a path to growth, we can find a way to fix those blind spots. Because everybody has them. Everybody has blind spots in what they, in their education. Everybody has blind spots based on their way that they were raised. Everybody has blind spots. So, but if we're actively trying to fix them, then that is becoming the best version of ourselves.

So here's me looking for growth, looking to get out there and grow. And I'm not entirely sure that I'm going to be capable of it. But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. So I'm going to keep working on it. I'm going to keep working on being the kind of person who can go to these parties and be social, be pleasant, be fun and funny. And I mean, like what is talking to a new person but introducing a new audience? Everything I do is, like I am a performer, whether I like it or not, that's the mode that I live in.

So how is it that I can't, for the life of me, talk myself down from social anxiety in certain settings? Put me in a hotel party. I'm a goddamn ray of light. Put me in a house party and I'm like, I don't know anybody here and it's my first day of school. I don't know what my problem is. I don't know where my disconnects are coming from, but I've got to start reassessing my interpretation of the event that I am going to. And this hotel party is going to be a very big opportunity for me to try and do that. Oy, fingers crossed.

I went and got my hair done and my hairdresser told me something so unbelievably sad that she has had zero libido for years like like nothing. And, um, she was actually asking me my preferred lube because it's uncomfortable because she is not excited in any way, shape perform. And this, I, this was to me, something so beyond tragic. Um, it was in, there are people out there that never, ever have a libido and never have that sexual drive, never have that desire to engage. And the, what, and here's the thing, if it is what you want, I am all for it.

If it is what, if you are fulfilled in your life, then that's fantastic. But she wasn't okay. She was not, she's married and she loves her husband and she's attracted and she finds him very attractive, but she's just not ever. And I mean, she's, she does it for him, but it's just a lot. It's a lot of, um, biting the bullet. And I don't know how a relationship We'll see you next time. of biting the bullet. And I don't know how a relationship withstands that. Because here's the thing. Sex is a big part of my marriage. Sex is a huge part of my marriage.

It is the reason that we get so incredibly intimate with one another. It is the reason that we talk so incredibly deeply with one another. It is the, it's the way we find common language because he and I are vastly different people. Okay. He is thinking I am all over the board he is very um like we're just not the same in a lot of aspects we're similar enough that we get along very very well and we have similar interests things like that, but we are different people. So sex allows us to break down and become even more intimate in our conversation and in our explanation of fantasy.

So for me, not being able to not being interested in sex would be disruptive to my life. It would be, it would be very taxing to my relationships. It would be very, um, but I also don't know if it wouldn't be freeing because what if, what if, um, all of the time I spend thinking about sex could be used, I don't know, to cure world hunger. I'm not capable of doing that, but maybe that maybe I am. And I just never tried because I was too busy thinking about wanting, having, doing, being sexual. Um, and for me, I wanted very much to cure her.

I wanted very much to delve into what was going on and obviously this is not this is not something that can be solved by a podcaster so I did tell her you know go see your gynecologist go talk to your gynecologist find out do some testing find out where find out where your levels are, find out where you're, because here's the thing, if this is something that is impeding her life, and it is impeding her life, because she very much wants to have the sexually gratifying life that she and her husband had prior to this, this happening. She wants this back.

And the thing is, is that a lot of times women lose their libido and it just sort of gets buried under all the other chores. And they never really like think about the fact that, oh, my libido's gone. and but we're looking at our doctors now and asking more questions and demanding more answers because it's not okay the life that we the life that women have been leading to this point medically has been sparse and now all of a, they're starting to realize that the things that happen to men are different than the things that happen to women based on our hormone production and our hormone.

And they're starting to actually do studies that focus in on things that are overwhelmingly affecting women and we need gynecologists to say, to take a look at, to keep abreast of all of the research that's coming out, because if they're going on what they learned when they were in medical school, it's highly doubtful that there was much that they taught them about women. I believe there's a total of eight hours devoted to women's problems. And one of those hours is for menopause. The other hours are based on reproduction and ovulation and that kind of thing. Or at least that's how it was.

And the thing is, is that because there is so much, there is such a void in the information about women's health. Sometimes we have to push our gynecologist to go and find us answers, or at least give us something to Google. Now, your gynecologist is going to not want you to do that. They're going to give you a little bit of information, but I'm going to tell you that your ability to get to this research is probably not as good as theirs, but with the internet, it's a lot, you're a lot closer to being able to find the same information.

And if we can't trust that the people we're going to see, if we can't trust these doctors that we are paying insurance to go and see, to have the answers, we have to start figuring out how to advocate for ourselves. And by that, I mean educating ourselves on various incentives, even if it's fucking wrong, even if it's not right, even if it's at least we're starting them thinking about the conversation we're trying to have. we get them in engaged in trying to help us solve an issue that is before us.

Because when they hand you an antidepressant and say, best of luck, I don't think, I don't think you're solving the problem. You're just numbing us to the issue. So, and believe me when I tell you, the majority of women's issues have been treated by either an antidepressant or a birth control pill. It just is. There are more, there's more research on ED than there is on menopause. There's more research out there on Peyronie's disease than there is on polycystic ovary syndrome. I want to be very clear in the fact that I don't say all this stuff to be preachy.

I don't say all this stuff to be feminist. I say all this stuff to bring to light that we're not as able to get help as men are. The help that we have available to us is not as qualified as a man's ability to get help. They don't have the same information. They don't have the same research they don't have the same information. They don't have the same research. They don't have the same level of study.

And women die of heart failure and heart disease and heart attacks so often because they don't present in the same way that men's do and we're different people and if we're ever going to have anything close to if we're ever going to have anything close to equality, we have to start with them, with keeping us alive.

if I think that learning to advocate for ourselves learning to as women especially learning to advocate for ourselves, learning to as women, especially learning to advocate for ourselves, learning to talk about demanding more answers, demanding more care, demanding more attention be paid to the troubles that we face. It's never going to change unless we say something. It's like your marriage. It's like anything. Nothing changes unless you talk about the problem. Unless you talk about what it is you're going through.

So take that with a grain of salt because that was just something that came up that was so very vastly interesting to me that I knew she was going to struggle with. She was going to talk about reach out to me at pineapple pinup pod at gmail.com you can also reach me at all of my socials, my Twitter, my Insta, wherever. I am also opening up my Patreon. So if you want to head over to Patreon, you can reach, you can find me there. I would love to share with you what I've got going on over there. I got a blog. I'm putting up photos. And for anybody who supports my, they get access to all of that.

I'll see you next time.