Memory Lane

Transcript

welcome to the pineapple pinup the hot wife life on today's episode I am going to go back in time I'm going to go revisit a couple of spots I'm going to go revisit a couple of things I'm going to go revisit Mike. I'm going to go revisit a couple of things. I'm going to go revisit Mike. I'm going to revisit Glory Holes. I am going to revisit Jealousy. Thank you so much for joining me.

So I have been kind of focusing on my vanilla life, not as much my lifestyle life, because sometimes you have to, sometimes circumstances make it so that you just kind of need to put your focus into your friends and your family and that's just freaking life. So because of the fact that my vanilla life has taken such a prominent role the last couple of weeks, I am going to go back in time and I'm going to talk about an old standard. Mike and I met at, as you probably know, we met at a party, a party that was not at all my cup of tea, not at all something that I am prone to.

I am not a nature girl. I don't like bugs and I don't like heat and I don't really like sunshine too much because it leads to all of those other things. So because of the fact that I am a cranky bat, um, playing outside for me is very, very rough. It's rough. And I met Mike at an outdoor event, an outdoor pool party. It was, say the least, a very, it was fun. I mean, don't get me wrong. It was so much fun. But the thing is, is that I spent so much time talking to potential suitors because it was one of the very first times I've ever been to a lifestyle party.

And there's really no way to judge the starting gun at some of the parties. And it wasn't like of the parties in the hotel room where I felt comfortable, where I feel comfortable just stripping down to nothing and being there because it's outside. And so stripping down is a commitment. It's a commitment to sunburn. It's a commitment to bug bites. It's a commitment to a lot of things I'm not a fan of. And so for me, that party was awkward in many ways. And having conversations with the gentleman there was extraordinarily intriguing. It was extraordinarily fun.

And Mike is young in comparison to me. He is very young. Um, he is, I'm going to say minimum 20 years younger than than me. And he was so cut. Like, he's the kind of cut that other men notice, and other men comment on. He's not a natural cut. He is a working for it cut with the huge like shoulders and the arrow that points to the promised land. And I mean, he's very, very fit and very good looking.

And he here's the thing thing at that party, I was talking to a tall black man who I later, I didn't play with at that party, but I later ran into him at another party and we played and he was a lot of fun. And then I was also speaking to this other gentleman and he and I had really great rapport and I really thought that something was going to happen but then sort of nothing ever did and so I kind of wish that it had because he was a fun guy and I was very new so I was a novelty at that particular party because many of the people who showed up there were regulars.

They were long time, you know, long time players in that area. And so the fact that I showed up in a place that I'd never been before made me a novelty. And the fact that I didn't understand the outdoor play rules, um, personally for my own self, for what I was comfortable with, made it a little bit harder for me to be part of that particular party. these are not things we know, okay? When you're getting ready to go to a party, you don't know if you are that kind of person.

You don't know if you're an outdoor party kind of person unless you go and you experience it and you're like, yeah, no, not for me. Now, it might have just been that I was in swampland where I know mosquitoes are very prevalent. And I know that the types of bugs that we have in this region are plentiful. And some of them are quite dangerous. So for me, playing here in the outdoors in the summertime is a lot different than when I went to Vegas in January. And it was, I felt like I could have played outside and it would have been nice.

Um, but again, something about the outdoors, like I just never got comfortable enough to go out there. I never got comfortable enough to go and be outdoors in my all together and just, and I think, I don't think that's a, I don't think that's an issue because I mean, how many parties are thrown outdoors? And those that are thrown outdoors are thrown outdoors for a very specific type of group. Now I am seriously considering going to some of these resorts. And if I go to these resorts, I'm going to need to find a way to be comfortable in the outdoor spaces if I'm going to truly experience them.

Now, please, if you have recommendations as to where which one of the many, many resorts and the locations, please don't hesitate to shoot them over to me because I am always interested. I'm always looking for some place to go, some place to experience and some place to report back about. So please don't hesitate to send me suggestions because I would love that. So my husband and I were at this party and my husband knows how I am about the outdoors. And he's looking around and he's like, this place is not going to be good for my wife. And he knew it.

He's looking around going, this place is going to be very uncomfortable for my wife. I don't know how I'm going to get her to play. And then here's the thing about those type of parties. If you are there and you are a regular and somebody new shows up and doesn't know all of the facts, maybe give them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't know that this area was off limits. Maybe put up a sign. Maybe say, this is private. Maybe say, don't go in here. Maybe say something. But we ended up in somebody else's tent.

And the lady who not even the lady who owned it, the lady who knew somebody who owned it was like, I can't what a cunt I cannot even believe. And like, she started like ripping me a new one. Yeah, they're in there. They're playing in your space. I mean, that's not a play space. And they're in there anyway. Like, loud announcing it to the entire fucking party that I have stepped in it a little bit. And that to me was the last straw. But the great thing is, is that Mike and I met. And then Mike and I found a way. We didn't exchange numbers at that party, I don't think. Or maybe we did.

I can't remember, but my, but we ended up reconnecting with him through an app for sure. And it was, oh yeah, that's what happened. We did get his number and then my phone had to be replaced or no, my husband's phone had to be replaced because his phone died. And so we had to go and replace his phone. And when we transferred over all the information, he hadn't saved Mike's number in his phone. And so we lost his number. So when we ran into him on the apps again, it was like, Oh my God, my husband lost your number.

Because I am first one to check my husband straight there under the bus because it kind of was his responsibility, whatever. but um so we ended up like reconnecting and then we ended up having a very fun relationship. Mike and I met several times. Um, we would meet, we started meeting at like hotel rooms after work and then eventually progressed till he would just meet me at my house. Um, because it was convenient for both of us to meet here and less expensive for sure. Because here's the thing, lifestyle is not a cheap hobby, okay? Lifestyle can be very expensive.

And lifestyle events and parties and going to resorts, it can all lead to a lot of money being laid out by you. And because of the fact that that is the vibe, that is the thing, it, it can be rough. um it can be a barrier to entry really so i it can be rough. It can be a barrier to entry really. So I don't know what to tell you about that. I don't know what to say. I know that when my husband and I throw parties, we do it, we ask for donations. We do not require payment because we understand that that could be a real barrier to entry with regards to who can come and who can't.

And sometimes maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it's a good thing that there is somewhat of a hurdle that people have to climb to be able to come. I don't know. i'm just putting it out there. But Mike and I had developed this, what I thought was a good friendship. And I was great. And he was a great partner. And he and I played many, many times. And he was, he had a very powerful stroke, which gotta love him. It was a lot of fun. And he was a little, a little dominant, a little edgy to that end. And he played rough with me. And I really liked it.

Then he went and got into a vanilla relationship. And then his vanilla relationship, I don't know what happened. Because when he said, I'm in a relationship, I'm not going to be doing this anymore. I said, okay, thank you so much. It's been great. I won't bother you anymore. And I sort of just let him free. And I didn't try to draw him back. And I didn't try to maintain a relationship or even a friendship because I understand that when you're trying to make a vanilla relationship work, your past can sort of be the greener pasture. So I don't ever try to be that for somebody.

I just had my friend who I've spoken about on here, the one who had sex in an elevator at a hotel room at one of the hotels that we went to. She has recently gotten into a vanilla relationship with a gentleman. So I'm also not reaching out to her because I am a lifestyle she's no longer a part of. And because of that, I don't ever want to tempt her to want to come back to my side of the fence. And that's just me, how I choose to do things. because if you tell me that I am no longer part of this world, then I'm not going to try to drag you back. That's not what I do.

And everybody takes their time and takes their breaks and takes their when they need to. And if you found a relationship that's fulfilling you in all of the ways, and you don't miss the lifestyle, because a lot of times people get into the lifestyle, especially when they're single, to find companionship, to find adventure, to find people that they can hang out with and play with and have guilt-free sex. So, and a lot of guilt-free sex in one particular setting. Um, so that is, and I'm fine with that. I'm perfect with that. I think that that's awesome.

I, but I'm never going to stand between somebody's future happiness by coaxing them back to a lifestyle that I make seem very glamorous or very adventurous or very hot. Because I know my power of persuasion. I know that I can be a voice. I can be the devil on the shoulder. I can be the devil on the shoulder if you need me to be. And because of that, I don't like putting anyone in a position where they feel like they have to do that, where they're tempted to come back to the lifestyle. I love my role in this life.

I love the fact that I'm doing this partnered up already so that there is nothing that is preventing me or nothing that is going to alter my course in pursuing the lifestyle. The only thing that's going to alter our course is if we mutually decide that this is something that we don't want to do anymore. Or even if one of us decides we're not going to do it anymore, we wouldn't do it anymore. But that's because I have a partnership to rely on, which is awesome.

But the thing, I'd really love to talk to somebody who's gone from the lifestyle into a vanilla relationship and what they miss about it. Now here's the interesting part. Mike actually hit me up several times after he and I stopped talking or after he told me he was going into a vanilla relationship and I let him go. He reached out to me several times and I didn't really respond because, again, I'm not looking to be the thing that breaks the trust.

So that is because my husband and I have very specific strict rules and the very specific strict rules that we have are, we don't play with married people. We don't play with people in a couple where the couple doesn't know that it's happening. And so if you tell me that you're getting into that vanilla relationship and you are going straight and you're getting out of the life, then good on you, okay? But it's going to take something very, very specific for me to play with you again.

because I don't like, I don't want to be the thing that you regretted your choice in some small way and decided you wanted to flirt with it again, but without the other person knowing. Because that's really not fair to my laws of consent. because your partner's not consenting. So I'm not entirely sure why he was hitting me up. I'm not sure if he had broken up with his girlfriend. I'm not sure if, I'm not sure what happened, if he was getting back into the life. I am a hundred percent not sure, but I wasn't going to chase that down.

I guess, in my desire to go backwards and revisit some old haunts. It has occurred to me, glory holes are such a specific kind of fetish. They're such a specific kind of desire. They're so seedy and no pun intended. They're, they are a very dirty little secret. They are very, and the problem that I have is that a lot of parties try to put up a glory hole at the party. And for me, that is difficult. That is difficult to wrap my head around because the whole point of the glory hole is the anonymous nature of it. The fact that you have no idea who's on the other side.

It could be that me and my husband go in and he's the one who gets down on his knees and starts sucking a dick. It could be that. You don't know because we're separated by this wall. And then those ones that or, you go in and you man it for a while. Those ones are even more anonymous, more seedy, more secret, more dirty little secret than other kinds. And at a party, you can't get that dirty little secret vibe. You can't get that seedy backroom bookstore vibe.

And the reason that you can't do that is because it is just not really possible because A, you're in somebody's house, you're in their closet and people are watching you go in and you know, everybody at the, and you've seen everybody at the party. So the anonymous quotient is greatly reduced because it's not like some stranger is popping into the party to stick his dick through a hole. You've probably met the guy. And the thing about, so for me, I'm not really a hundred percent sure that a glory hole at a party works. And I am 100% the only person I have polled. Okay.

It's not like I'm going around saying, Hey, did you enjoy? But a lot of times they have a hard time getting the glory hole to do anything, getting the glory hole to be something getting, they always mention it because it's a fun feature to have at their party, but they have a very hard time. And only occasionally will they have this like crazy party where this one girl got in there and she sucked every dick in the house. Okay. Occasionally that will happen and it will work and it will be amazing. And the thing is, is we actually had one at one of our parties.

I never saw it in action because I was basically banging everyone there and my friend Unicorn was in there manning the glory hole. And it was, for me, it was, I have no idea how that all turned out. And I'd love to sit down with her and I'd love to talk to her about her experiences because her type of kink is very much related to oral sex, is very much related to giving blowjobs. She is not really one for playing full out, but that doesn't mean that she's not enjoying the party. So I'd love to hear her perspective.

Because I think there's a time in every woman's life when they go through a phase where they'd kind of rather do oral than anything else. And I don't know what it is, but there's a time in every woman's life when they go through a phase where they kind of rather do oral than anything else. And I don't know what it is, but there was a time in my life when that was preferred. And I don't know why that was. And I went through a real phase with it. But then I grew out of that phase and decided that it was all dick and waterworks or nothing.

Anyway, so for me, I am not 100% sure how a glory hole at a party works. I'm not 100 percent sure how that seedy, dirty little secret translates to a party atmosphere. Because here's the thing, having been in a backroom glory hole bookstore, it is not something that, like, I think about the things that I've touched. I think about it. Sometimes it haunts me into washing my hands 12 times in a row. but it was so see Sometimes it haunts me into washing my hands 12 times in a row, but it was so seedy. It was so, it was a vibe. It was a thing. It was a, it was such a specific kind of kink.

It was so very, very focused. And I am not entirely sure where a glory hole experience falls for a guy at a party even. I mean, where is it? On the scale of, God, that was incredible. Where does a glory hole rate? Especially, and I need to make it very specific. I'm not talking about some, you know, back alley. I'm talking about at a party in some closet, there's somebody waiting and there's a hole in like a curtain that you can stick your dick through. How does that rate? Or is it literally my dick is getting wet and I'm good with it?

I'm just trying to figure out whether it meets all the criteria for what you're expecting from a glory hole. That would be my thing. I mean, I would really want to know how men see a glory hole. My husband's fascination with the glory hole was not so much the glory hole itself, but it was watching me perform in a glory hole. And watching me perform in a glory hole was a very, very specific, very, very, um, engineered type of activity.

So for us, it was, it was all the, and because of the fact that it had to, it became something that we had to engineer it to the point where it was just basically like I could have agreed to suck your dick in the backseat of a car and it would have been the same fucking thing um it got to the point where the the glory hole just wasn't something that was working for us so So, but I can understand the appeal.

I can understand the dirty little secret and watching the person who just sucked your dick come out wiping their mouth, but they don't necessarily know it was you on the other side of that wall. I can understand the appeal of that. I can see how having a dirty little secret is titillating. But I don't necessarily, I can't actually fathom how like, and I've never really manned one at a party, and maybe I should. Maybe I should do my research before I go talking mad smack.

Maybe I should do some research about how a glory hole at a party can translate to a shadow of that feeling, a shadow of that dirtiness, a shadow of that seediness, a shadow of that secret, secretness. I am a hundred percent. Now I'm thinking about, I should try it because I am, I'm fairly adequate at sucking dick. I have been told my mouth is addictive, but that was when I was truly dedicated to the craft. That being said, I, I have known, I've been known to snatch a few souls that way. But my thing is, is that what is it? What is the, what's the appeal at a party?

Because I really don't think it's the same. I don't think that you can call that apples to apples. I don't think you can call that apples to kumquats. I mean. I really don't think it's the same. I don't think that you can call that apples to apples. I don't think you can call that apples to kumquats. I mean, it's just, they're so freaking different. It's more like apples to steak tartare. I don't know. But because of the fact that I am posing this question now, of course, I've set myself up with an assignment with some tasks.

I have to find a, I have to find a party that's got a glory hole and I have to man the glory hole. I have to do the work. I have to do the legwork. So, and honestly, if you have some stories about this and you'd like to send me them or you'd like to share them with me and then I will share them with the world, feel free because I would love to hear the difference between a legitimate paid for back alley glory hole versus a party, a party one. Because there's nothing in the, there's nothing in the party one that has that element of danger.

Because there's always an element of danger in these seedy backroom ones i i don't care if it's 100 legal like there's something there's something dangerous about it and it feels dangerous and dirty and it's so i mean it's really titillating i mean i i've got I, I've got to be, I'll be 100% honest with you. There is something there. There is something so wildly, wildly adventurous about it. Anyway, I am, of course, I'm going to have to do more research now because I've got homework.

I've got to find out if there's anything about one versus the other that gives you that same feeling that gives you that same. Cause I mean, it's a thing. It's, it's a real thing now. I want to do some housekeeping. I had some questions in the past that I'm not entirely sure that I fully answered. When I record my sessions, I use my camera on my phone. It's the easiest that I have. And because I have so much podcast equipment, it's easy for me to set it all up and make it stationary. And then of course, my husband can record on his camera from wherever he is on his camera phone.

Um, the use phones have become such a universal tool that it is getting harder and harder to tell the difference between what a phone can do and what all the other equipment that we used to lug around can do. So that's a little bit of housekeeping. That's actually one of the things that I am, um, that I use. Um, I got that question from someone who was having, who had listened to several of my episodes and had questions from several of my episodes. And one of the questions that he, one of the things that he had noted was about jealousy.

Now, jealousy is something that once you have been burned is very hard to get rid of. Okay. So once you've had somebody who has injured you and made you feel inadequate and unworthy. It's very hard to leave that baggage behind when you go into your next relationship. So jealousy is something that is not going to go away. It just isn't. You have to learn to ride the tide.

If jealousy is part of your personality because of something that's happened to you in your past, you have to learn to live with your dragon because you can therapy yourself beyond, but it will always kind of be there in the back of your head that somebody betrayed you and it's, it's just back there. Um, I don't like that for every, I don't like it that it is a thing that just kind of comes with the territory of dating and being in relationships. I don't like the fact that, you know, at some point somewhere that got triggered in someone and I don't like how it manifests itself all the time.

But it is a normal human emotion. It is a normal thing that comes across because of experience, because of something that you've been through, because of your history. And denying that it's there, denying that it's It's taking effect, denying the fact that it's there, denying that it's taking effect, denying the fact that it's part of your genetic makeup now is a bit silly. Denying that it is a piece and a particle of your human experience or that you're going to be able to just shove it away and it's going to manifest. So you have to learn to roll with it.

You have to learn to enunciate it, give it its room, and then tell it that it's okay and you can go back to sleep. You have to be able to process that. My husband has learned to use his jealousy as part of his anticipation, as part of his arousal, as part of his blending those feelings with the other feelings that make it all really hot for him. And that is how he's learned to quell the jealousy. That's how he's learned to ride with it, bring it out give it it its due, show it that it's okay, and then put it away. Because he's not jealous with me. He doesn't act out with me.

He uses that, because I know he feels jealous. He's told me he's felt jealous, but he uses it to enhance the whole feeling of being a stag. And I really like it. I really like that that is something that he has. Because early on in our relationship, he was jealous and it didn't feel great. It didn't feel great for me. It didn't feel great for him. It didn't feel, it made everything very tense and very, there's something looming here that neither one of us are talking about. Jealousy is something that it's palpable. You can feel it. It's around you. It's there.

And you need to really, um, be able to address it, be able to bring it into the conversation. Because if we ignore it, it doesn't make it invisible. It doesn't make it not there. And the nagging voice inside your head, as my nagging voice is always usually like associated with something I'm trying desperately not to say, but the nagging voice inside your head is not going to go away and is not going to be, it's very, it's not your frontal lobe. It is your amygdala. Okay. It is your base human ancestral emotion center that is being triggered when you're jealous.

And you don't really have a way to right size those feelings without giving them air, letting them see the light of day, and then everything can kind of go, oh, okay. Yeah. I understand where that's coming from. We're fine. Like, I understand how it is very complicated to be inside of the human mind. My amygdala is triggered with not having the answer, not having the right answer, not having an answer.

Um, and because of the fact that that is how my, my amygdala is triggered, it is very difficult to have conversations with me about things that are options, things that have not yet been decided, things that have not been fully worked through. So my husband, my husband and I, some of our biggest fights have been over him asking me a question and me arguing all the sides, trying to come up with a solution to the answer. Because I am not thinking with my frontal cortex, I am thinking with my amygdala and I'm trying desperately to scan for an answer that will be the right one.

And I am in scan mode. And so he's getting all of the parts, all of the radio waves that are coming through. And so I sound like a lunatic because I'm arguing every single side on the pentagram, like literally every single argument that could possibly be made to make up the one answer that we're looking for. And it makes him feel like I'm just trying to tell him what he wants to hear. But the fact is, is that I get very, very defensively triggered in that regard.

But acknowledging it, acknowledging the fact that, okay, I don't have this answer right now, give me a little while, and I will come up with something. i have to right size the fear that is flooding through me in order to and step back away from it to give it some logical space. But I have to acknowledge that it's there. Otherwise, I'm just functioning from that space from that cortisol from that from that hormone dump. It's not great from that area of stress. So the same thing is true of your jealousy. If you are working from that amygdala space, you're not fully seeing.

But if you step back and you say, okay, I'm having a moment of sheer stress from jealousy. I need to right size this for a second. So let me just, I'm jealous of this and this is what it's doing. Okay. Now it's out in the open. Now we can discuss. It's one of the tricks that I have learned with my own. And mind you, when you're playing with your freaking amygdala, sometimes it doesn't always happen neat and clean. It takes a few times. And occasionally, you're going to fuck up and you're going to be playing from your amygdala. But jealousy is not something that you're going to get to go away.

Nobody's ever going to take away my fear of not having the right answer. Nobody's ever going to take that away. Something happened to me in the core of my being, but I have to figure out a way to work with my dragon instead of letting my dragon control me. Anyway, that's my thought on jealousy. Thank you for listening to today's episode of the Pineapple Pinup, the Hot Wife Life podcast. I am so grateful that you are listening.

If you have any questions, any topics, any polls you'd like put out there into the world, please don't hesitate to hit me up at all of my socials, which are listed in the show's description. And you can email me at pineapplepinuppod at gmail.com.