Failed party, Great Date

Transcript

Welcome to the Pineapple Pinup, the Hot Wife Life podcast. On today's podcast, I'm going to talk about the party I went to on Saturday. The party I went to on Saturday was held by Evening Endeavors, and it was just your normal run-of-the-mill PJs and chill was the theme kind of party. It wasn't anything that was like overly hyped. It wasn't like, it was just your regular party with, you know, hopefully a good number of guests and everything like that.

My husband and I got ready and I was having a very hard time figuring out what I wanted to wear because I am all for a theme, but a theme like PJs and chill really kind of irritated me because I want some pomp. I want some, some effort. I want some desire. I want something that's going to build the scene, not make me feel like I want to go to bed. I want something that's going to grow and add dimension to the party. So for me, PJs and chill is one of those things that just reminds me that I could be a homer in bed asleep. I'm old. I'm getting older.

And when I have the opportunity to go to bed at nine o'clock in the evening, a lot of times I'm probably going to take it because I don't have the stress of needing to be up for the party. I don't have that stress. I was sort of bummed by the theme and I was bummed by the lack of effort we were all going to be putting in. Everybody was going to be there comfy and everybody was going to be there cozy and it was going to be more of a cuddle party than it was ever going to be a fuck party. And I could feel that in my bones. And I had a really bad attitude trying to get dressed.

And my husband was like, we'll put on some lingerie. And I'm like, my husband's looking at me like, it's what you make of it. And my husband is really wise. Okay. My husband is very smart. He's very good at taking the broader scope and giving my crazy some barriers. He's really great at it. And I freaking love that about him. I love the fact that between he and I, we have a lot of pieces and parts that complement one another. And the fact that I'm looking at this thing like, well, if I'm going to be in my pajamas, why don't I just go to bed?

And he's looking at it like, if you put on lingerie underneath your pajamas, you're going to feel the dressed up part. I understood what he was saying because let's be frank, I don't actually wear pajamas. I wear nothing to bed because that for me is the most comfortable way to sleep, not getting wrapped up in clothing. And so anytime I put on pajamas, it's not like that is a cue for me to head off to bed. It's nothing like that. My husband's staring at me going, what are you talking about? Pajamas are a costume for you. I was having kind of a bad attitude.

And then he pulled me together and we head out, we go down the road. I didn't feel very well. My husband's amazing and he feeds me and he does these things where he goes and he'll cook something and it'll be great. He doesn't tend to think about what he's cooking and how it's going to affect me. He did make me a breakfast for lunch kind of situation. And it ended up that I got a very upset stomach and it manifested itself at the party. And I was like, this is not great. And I ended up having to go to the restroom several times while I was at the party.

I was like, and the party hadn't even started. And I was like, so he reads the rules and I'm literally sitting there thinking to myself, what am I doing? What am I doing here? If I'm not feeling well, if I'm not feeling at my most optimal, what am I doing here? And my husband's looking at me like, if we have to go, we have to go. Now, here's where female brain fights with logical brain, okay? Because female brain is looking around going, I know Linda, who's the other female there, is not going to be able to play because she is legitimately unwell. And I am the only other female.

I am literally the person who usually gets the party started. I am usually the person who's on the bed taking dick as soon as the rules are read. And I'm about to bow out, which basically leaves seven dudes in a sausage party. And at some point I had to look around and say, this is not my responsibility. My responsibility is to me and to my husband. And to make sure that I can be going to these parties, I need to be able to speak up and say, I don't feel well, I'm going to go home.

And it's not something I struggle with because literally I, if I don't feel well, I well, I gave it a little bit of extra time because there have been times in the past where I started feeling much better and everything was fine as soon as we left. And because I don't know if it's anxiety that's doing it or what, but I do know that I took the opportunity to step away and I took time to really think about whether or not this was something that was going to happen, whether this was something that I was going to get better. And I looked at my husband and said, you know what?

Now I'm not comfortable. I'm not comfortable with, you know, that things might change. I'm not comfortable. Let's just go ahead and go. And he said, good on you. Let's go. He packed me up. We headed home. We got home and my husband's been going slightly mad at his job because there is a lot of upheaval going on and he's having to pick up a lot of slack, which means earlier days, longer hours. He's burning the candle at every single end he can find. He's bent it in the middle and burning it from the center. He came home, had dinner and conked out. And that for me felt good.

It felt like this is where we probably needed to be because I need to recharge his battery because for the rest of the month and not so much November, there will be some in November, I'm sure. But for the rest of this month and then definitely December, we are booked. We are jam packed. We have holidays and family and party. I have to make sure he's taking responsibility and taking care of himself because there's really no way for us to stop the decline if he starts to go that way. Because his health is probably the most important thing that I worry about.

It's the thing that I try to, I do a lot to try to mitigate any disasters to his health, because I know what it feels like to be powerless in the moments when his health has gone sideways. I take into account the fact that his exhaustion could lead to some things. I am trying really hard to not overwhelm him and take into consideration the fact that we need to make it some earlier nights and we need to do some earlier things and have fun that way, as opposed to being out all night and stuff like that.

And the fact that he's working more Saturdays just leads to longer fucking days for him every fucking Saturday we go out. And it's really starting to, I'm not going to say irritate me, but it's really starting to fucking irritate me that his job is solely 100% his responsibility. He's overburdening himself, but you know, that's the state of state of what we do as adults. We take on the responsibility and then we live up to it. So gross. And so I think I made the right decision to stand up and say, you know what, we're going to head out and we're going to go. Now that was great for me.

And I have no idea how the party turned out. I really hope it turned out well. I hope more women showed up and I hope that everybody had a great time. But that again is 100% not my responsibility. My responsibility was to me and my husband. And I think I did the right thing by us.

That does not mean that I am not going to go to parties and, you know, be courteous and all that other good stuff that you're supposed to be when you go to a party, but it just means that there are times when I'm not going to be able to take it on, and I'm going to listen to myself, and I'm going to listen to my body, and I'm going to listen to my husband. So my husband, he has been burning it, burning the candle on both ends. And I'm 100% agreed that he is taking on entirely too much all the way around. But he came home one evening. He came home on Friday and decided that, you know what?

He wanted to have this experience. He wanted to have a night with me in kind of a way that we had in the past before we started playing constantly. And he wanted to reconnect us to where we had come from and pull out all the toys that we had and have a night where we could play with our relationship. Not a reclaiming, not a post party, not something like that, but solely focused on the two of us in a room having the kind of joyful connection that we've had our entire marriage.

He came home and I'm of course downstairs doing all the things that I'm doing, cooking dinner, taking care of the dogs, making sure that everything's so good for the evening. And he went upstairs and set up my Levin's machine and set it up so that we could have a night of it. He wanted me to wear my strap on. He wanted to, we wanted to play. And it was really romantic because he came downstairs and he said, tonight, you and me.

And I was like go we had after dinner I headed up and I got showered and dressed and got ready and he put everything away in the kitchen and then he came upstairs and the two of us played and we played for about an hour and it was awesome. He put out the waterproof blanket, the machine. He was very demanding. He was very forceful. He was very, like all the things that like really speak to my soul. And it was fucking hot. It was so amazing.

It was this machine and it was fucking hot it was so amazing it was this machine and it was him and it was he's talking dirty him giving me instructions on how to take the dick and just it was so much fun you know when we finished with one thing rotating to the next him putting me in the next position and taking kind of a submissive role at that point it was like it was the kind of night I'll see grateful for it. I was so connected to him. And I was so in that communication pocket that the two of us get in.

Because here's the thing, whether you know it or not, whether you have great communication or you don't, physical intimacy enhances that. It takes away a lot of the misgivings. It takes away a lot of the misunderstandings and puts you on the same emotional level. It's very, it makes you really empathetic and really like connected to the other person on multiple different, both physically, mentally, emotionally. And it puts you in this same, it's kind of like when, if you go back in time, there was a time when there were only like four channels you could watch.

And everybody was tuning into the same thing. And we all had the exact same thing that we were talking about, because we all had the exact same experience. That's the same thing that's happening when you're in that physical intimacy. You're creating a common experience, which creates a common language, which creates a common thought process. It becomes common knowledge between the two of you. And common knowledge creates that everybody knows the same things. And it makes it easier for you to bring in private knowledge.

It gives you the opportunity to have this conversation piece, this thing that you both know, you both understand, you were both there, you both saw everything, commonality that can broaden out so that you can bring your personal in. So my husband and I can talk more about intimate things because we share this intimacy. The physical will lead to the conversational and the conversational intimacy, because we rehash, we go back, we say, this was really hot. This is why I really enjoyed it. This is what worked really well for me.

And it puts us in a position where we can confide that information, we can confide that information to each other. And it's got a layer of already acceptance of that love and dopamine and all that other good stuff wrapping around it to make it safer. It's bubble wrapping the deep, dark secrets inside of us that we don't know if we can share. And it gives us that opportunity to open up and tell each other our secrets, tell each other what we were feeling, what we were thinking, and how that moment in time led us through our thoughts and our fantasies.

It is so profound to me when I have these moments where we set, where he decides he's not tired. Now, here's the thing. I could set these things up myself, but I'm scared that my husband is working too hard, that he is putting out too much effort, that he is putting out too much energy, that he is putting his health in danger. And so I hold back on setting these things up, but when he sets it up, I know that he's all in and he's assessed that he's ready to do it. So for me, I would love to do this with him more.

But that's my fear is that I'm asking too much of him, that I am putting him in danger by requesting these things, which sucks, because I know that he really wants me to ask for these things. I know that he really wants me to request and have there's a chance that he could say no to me, but I don't know if he's going to be able to say no. Do you know what I mean? So I'm writing, writing this very thin line of, if I ask him and he says no, how's that going to make me feel? And if I ask him and he says yes, but he's not really feeling like it, how's that going to make him feel?

So for me, sometimes the safest route is to just wait for him to bring it up, which sucks because I know above all other things, the man wants me to ask. The man wants me to put myself out there and request the things that I would find enjoyable. But my brain and my anxiety over his health really prevents me. And that's the worst. I fucking hate that shit. I hate the fact that that is my main concern. Like, if he tells me no, how crushed am I going to be? Well, probably not that crushed because the man tells me no a lot.

Maybe not a lot, but like, he tells me no, like, probably every single day. Do you want to walk the dogs? No. He tells me no. I understand that no is not going to kill me and it's not going to disappoint me or like I'm going to take his answer for what he's able to give me. Why is it that putting myself out there, putting myself in this position to be denied is so scary? Because it's scary, guys. Putting yourself out there to be told no can be very frightening. But at the same time, it leads somewhere. It goes someplace. It leads to deeper intimacy. It leads to this knowing boundaries.

If somebody tells you no, and then cuts it off, and then buries it in the ground and doesn't talk about it, okay, maybe. But my husband's never going to do that to me. My husband's going to be like, oh my gosh, I want to, but there's just no way I don't have the energy. That would be his response. He would tell me no in a way that would give me understanding as to why it's a no.

He would never just hatchet job it because he knows that I'm going to be like I'm going to be a wreck because that's what I do he knows me and I love the fact that he knows me I love the fact that he has the ability to look at me and say in order for me to tell her what I really need I need to give her the reasoning behind it because otherwise she's going to take it personally. It just, but that's human nature. I don't think anybody walks around going, they told me no, everything's groovy. It ended up being a really great night.

And it made me really start to think about the fact that maybe, just maybe, I should risk the no. I should risk, I should put myself out there and risk being told I can't do it. It's not possible right now. And not have it be something where he's pressured into it and not have it be something where all my hopes and dreams are riding on it. Just make it kind of a sexy, if you want it, kind of feeling. But how? These are the things I'm struggling with this week. So, but I mean, obviously, I can see that I need it, that I need to do it.

Thank you so much for joining me today on the Pineapple Pinup, the Hot Wife Life podcast. If you have any questions or any show ideas, please don't hesitate to reach out to me at pineapplepinuppod at gmail.com. My socials are listed in the show's description. I am on Twitter and Instagram. Well, I'm on X and Instagram. I'm on TikTok and I am developing my Patreon. Please bear with me. It's a work in progress. It's something where you have to cultivate all this stuff and find it. And it's taking me longer than I want it to, but it's coming. Thank you so much for joining me.

We'll see you next time.