Dates aplenty (trigger warning 3rd segment)

Transcript

Welcome to the Pineapple Pinup, the Hot Wife Life podcast. On today's podcast, I'm going to talk about a surprise date, a couple of other things that have going through with it even though i made it a lot quicker than he probably wanted it to be, But I got Josh to come over, Josh to come over for a midday date. And it was great. It was a lot of fun. And unfortunately, I pulled the whole, let's go, let's take a beat, let's hit it. Let's quit it. You know, I was sort of like, it was awkward timing for me. And so I ended up getting that whole thing done. Um, very quickly.

He was in and out within 45 minutes. And it was great, though. I mean, it was fantastic. And I got him to come on my tits. And then I sent the evidence of it to my husband. That was amazing. And he really, really loved it. That leads me to this next part. Actually, no, I'm not going to get there yet. I'm going to wait a second. I'm going to hang out in this moment and let this fully develop Because I went to, I had Josh come over because it was a random afternoon. I kind of wasn't really expecting him to come. And then he said, and then I got a text. I'm on my way. I'll be there in 30 minutes.

And for some reason, I thought I had more time than 30 minutes and turns out no I did not. He showed up and I wasn't quite prepared for him yet which meant that I needed to go and take some steps. I needed to go and do some precautionary stuff.

I had to jump into the shower because that morning the part of the reason why I wasn't expecting a day date was because of the fact that I had to go to the dentist because that morning, the part of the reason why I wasn't expecting a day date was because of the fact that I had to go to the dentist that morning to have the dentist do something that was completely unnecessary, but apparently, quote unquote, necessary. It didn't feel necessary. And then I ended up just getting it done because my husband's like, no, take care of your shit.

So I went, but I had walked to the gym, worked out at the gym, and then walked over to the dentist and then walked home from the dentist and then got involved in all my stuff throughout the day because my stuff kind of does have a tendency to pop up on me. So I have to, I was handling all this work stuff and doing all these things. And then by the time I got to the point where he was going to be here, I realized that I still hadn't jumped into the shower. And I needed to. So I jumped into the shower while he was there. And then he and I Okay. It was delightful. It was fucking awesome.

It was the quick wham, bam. Thank you, ma'am. Everybody's rocks got off. Okay, you can go now. And it was amazing. It was the kind of afternoon delight that you are looking for when you are kind of a busy person and just need to get it in and get it done. It was great. And I had a lot of fun. But that leads me to the next step. So this week has been weird for me. It's been a little off. On the next episode I do, I'm going to go into what happened with this date that my husband set up for me on Monday. That was fucking amazing. And I can't wait to tell you all about it.

But so Monday was kind of taken up by that. And then Tuesday, I had to take my sister to get she was having a day surgery. And so I needed to take her and then bring her home. And that took up my entire day. So that's another day lost. But when I stopped at Target to pick up my prescriptions, and because I after I took my sister, I ran around and did a bunch of errands, the stuff, the normal day to day stuff that I've got to do. And after I did that, I was jumping in the car and a guy from inside of Target followed me out and basically hit on me. So I gave him my number and I headed home.

And then I explained to my husband what happened and he was like, that's cool. And then Wednesday happens and a little afternoon delight. And then today I'm walking my dogs and I got hit on again. And I'm not sure what kind of, um, energy or pheromones I'm putting out into the world, but it is coming back to me in crazy evidentiary ways because I'm not the kind of girl who gets, I'm not the kind of woman who gets hit on often. Okay. Or if I do get hit on, it's not blatant and bold. It's like, hi there. How are you doing? I hope you're having a good day.

You look really good in that dress, that kind of stuff. Like there's always sort of this respectful space that never gets past a little flirt, a little hit on. And my wedding ring is definitely not stopping anything. So I am not entirely sure what kind of energy I'm putting into the world. But the person who hit on me this morning actually happens to listen to the show. So shout out. Hey there. It's a little strange that I am in this position right now where I feel very seen and that's not something I'm used to. I will be frank with you.

I know it sounds like I'm very used to being seen, but I'm not. Um, my husband sees me obviously, but most of the time throughout years many years of my life I literally was the person you would go out and we would party all night um and a week later you wouldn't even remember my name you wouldn't remember that I had been. You would remember the people I was with, but you would definitely not remember me. And I know this because it happened. Okay. It wasn't a one-off. It happened all the time. So for me, the fact that people are actually seeing me is sort of a trip.

It's sort of an out an otherworldly experience. So for so I'm having a little I'm having a little trouble figuring it all out, like figuring out what I'm supposed to next step. You know, that's just me, you know, doing the things that I do where I put my head down and I run and I keep walking and I keep going and I keep doing all the things that I'm supposed to do and then not noticing that people have been noticing me. And then when they're making it more obvious, I'm like, I don't know what to do. But that's kind of something that happens, especially to women my age.

We get to a point where we're like, I'm just so invisible. And if you've never been visible, all of a sudden when you get visible, it's kind of a little strange. And I don't hate it, but I'm a little unsure how to deal with it, how to deal with being noticed, recognized, seen. And it's one of those things where you wish for it, doesn't come, you don't want it anymore, and then it shows up. What is that? What kind of, what kind of strange fate trickery is that? Um, and I'm not, trust me, I'm not complaining.

I, I'm just trying to figure out how to emotionally deal with it, how to emotionally deal with finally being hit on. Hit on outside of a sphere where I expect to get hit on. I don't expect to get hit on when I'm walking my dogs. I don't wake up looking put together. I wake up looking kind of like a dumpster fire. And I don't spend a lot of time getting myself un-dumpster fired before I take care of my dogs. So for me, it's a little, I'm not throwing things out there. I'm not throwing my signals far and wide.

So for me to be recognized in those quiet moments, in those moments of normalcy is not something I'm really sure how to handle. And I know that this is an embarrassment of riches. I know that this is a first world problem. I know that this is something that I should be very, very grateful for and just, you know, but I've got to learn how to emotionally handle those moments, those things, because if I don't learn, I'm not going to react correctly in those moments.

I'm not gonna react like grateful and with kindness, but not exactly throwing my doors open because it's not exactly safe to throw your doors open. So I'm trying to figure out how to scale it correctly because I don't think I'm handling it right yet, but that doesn't mean that I won't get there. And the problem with having a relationship like the one that I have, where my husband's like, girl, go, get, you know, live your life, live out loud, live what you wanted to live, is that there's not a lot of breaks. There's not a lot of slowdowns.

There's not a lot of, so I'm not, I've got to figure out how to be interested, but not accessible. Be, you know, like I've got to find the balance that's going to keep me safe. Because let's be let's be frank, as I've told you, this is not a situation where I could necessarily trust myself all the way to throw it all out there. Okay.

It's, it's a hard reality that sometimes in this world world we're not as safe as we want to be and that's where I need to figure out where my lines are I need to draw enough boundary that I'm not putting myself in danger but also be open enough to be inviting in new opportunities and new people to talk to and to flirt with and to really determine what my game is. So learning, learning and growing. That's all I'm going to say. I'm doing my best here. I'm doing my best here. This is, um, a message that I got from a listener. Hi, I'm a new listener and have heard your three newest podcasts.

I listened to another podcast about sex since 2014, but feel like the host is on a loop and doesn't really describe the advice given. I learned more in three of your podcasts than I did in nine years. Sex education for adults is extremely important and I wish more would practice it. Anyways, my wife likes to be dominated. I'm not BDSM, but wants me to spank her, tie her up from time to time and talk dirty. I cannot for the life of me talk dirty in my head. It sounds like take my thick cock slut and comes out. Do you like my penis? But like in a William H.

Macy sort of way, like from the movie Fargo. And I take advice. Sorry, I can't help but do the accent when he tells me that's what the accent is. I'm back in. Sorry. I'll take any advice you have to be more in charge in the bedroom. You are welcome to share this with your audience as I'm sure I'm not the only one. Look forward to more of your episodes. All right. So this is, I'm just going to read you my response to him. Um, oh my God, that was the best description. I am right there. I will definitely put this on my podcast and give you some advice that works.

It sounds better verbal, but I'll do my best. Okay. So I'm trying, um, always start small, start with one word that you can say without feeling silly. Start with something like good girl, and then move on to more graphic things. And this is really, this is something, we don't come out of the womb knowing how to talk. We don't come out of the womb knowing how to form sentences. We learn. And the same thing is true I'll see you next time. We don't come out of the womb knowing how to form sentences. We learn. And the same thing is true with dirty talk.

Because for the longest time, my husband and I didn't want to be doing role play. We didn't want to be doing dirty talk because it comes out with this person that you literally just talked about the water bill with. It comes out a little sideways. It comes out a little like, what are we doing? What am I trying to be here? And it comes off feeling a little inauthentic because it's not something that you're used to, okay? You have to start small. You have to start and then learn to build. Everybody starts with a single word, okay? That's how everybody learns to talk.

And learning dirty talk is no different, okay? Learning how to talk dirty to someone in bed is zero difference from learning how to talk in real life. Okay. So, and it's anything you get into, it's going to have a jargon. It's going to have a rhythm. It's going to have all of these things. So you need to start small, start with something that you don't feel silly saying and build. Okay. Now my husband and I, um, I'm sorry, I'm going to take you into our real life. And for a very long time, my husband wasn't super comfortable saying it loudly because we have children.

The problem is I don't have the best hearing. I don't. And so he is talking and he's whispering it really softly. He's like, and I'm literally like, well, you want me to do a stunt? And our communication wasn't great because he was whispering and I could not hear him and I could not understand what he was saying. As we have progressed, he's gotten louder. He's gotten bolder. He's gotten more creative and he's gotten more into the dirty talk aspects that really drive me fucking crazy. And he knows that it drives me crazy. And that's why he does it. Okay.

I'm not entirely sure that he walks around in his real life going, good job, slut. Good girl. You know, I don't think that he's doing that. So this is something that is reserved for a special time and a special place in a special way between he and I. And the same thing is, but it's not something that we knew going in, we had to learn. Because there are certain things my husband is never allowed to call me. He is never allowed to comment anything about my weight because he knows that that will throw me in a tizzy. He can call me dirty. He can call me filthy. He can call me naughty.

He can call me, but he calls me fat. I'm out. He knows that he can call me dumb. He doesn't often because it just seems weird to say that to me because I'm really not. But at the same time, it is something where when he's trying to get me to a certain place where I'm feeling much more present in a certain mood, okay? So, like, let me explain that further.

Present in a certain mood basically is where he wants me to be in this moment, nothing but present and inside of my body shutting down my brain, that's when he'll say something like stupid slut or dumb cunt or something like that, where he wants to put me inside of my body. Now, this is not, you have to know what's going to trigger your partner, okay? You have to know. Like, I know I'm never going to call my husband daddy. It's not going to happen. That to him is not something he's interested in. He doesn't want to hear that. That's not, and he doesn't want me to put him on a pedestal.

He doesn't want me to call him sir. He doesn't want me to call him master. He wants it to be he and I, and he, and I know these things. So I don't try to separate him into a role because language is powerful. Language is something that is the difference between the animals and the humans, okay? And even animals have their own language because language is fucking powerful. Being able to convey information and pass information along is by far and away the greatest thing to lead to technological advances, to lead to X, Y, and Z, okay?

Because language is powerful, it gives you context and meaning and understanding and cohesive and common knowledge and all of that stuff, okay? So you can use dirty talk to up the emotions you want that other person to feel. If she wants you to feel more powerful, more in control, she's going to give you that title, sir, master, daddy, whatever it is, she's going to give you that moniker. Okay. But you, but the same thing can be true of her. You can call her mistress, ma'am, um uh whatever it is you call her the same, like the same thing is true.

It defines the roles, how you speak to one another. Okay. So now we're defining roles. Great. Now we want to put people in a certain mood. I want you to stop thinking. I want you to stop thinking. So right now, you're just my dumb slut. You are my fuck doll. You are my object. You are a fleshlight with legs. Something like that puts her in this space where she knows you don't want her thinking because she's probably overthinking in that moment. You want her to just feel. You want her to build that orgasm from her body, not from her mind.

And by giving her mind something to focus on, that dirty, like, those are orders. Those are things she can focus on. Those are things that she can take and internalize and put herself in the spot, in the place where you want her to be. If you want her to be a dirty slut, then she's going to get a little naughtier. She's going to wiggle more. She's going to preen and present and try to be as filthy as possible. She's going to start moving like a stripper. She's going to start stretching and reaching and doing things with her body because that's what you're telling her you want from her.

She's going to like, there's so many different ways that you can evoke a feeling. But it all has to start with learning. It all has to start with training. And it all has to start with talking to your partner to find out where their hard limits are, where their trigger points are. Knowing that I do not call my husband daddy, it's something we've known for a very long time, because it was something that obviously at some point came up and he said, I don't like that. Because I got to tell you, it is okay to say, I don't like that. Don't say that to me. That's a hard limit.

It's okay, because you need to find the boundaries of what it is that you're trying to say to one another. Calling, if calling her a cock holster doesn't do it for her, she should let you know, hey, that's not doing it for me. If calling her a cum dumpster makes her feel hot, then fucking light that dumpster on fire and tell her every bit of it. Okay? I'm not going to be able to tell you how to talk dirty to another person.

Because I know how I like to be talked dirty to, and it's different for so finding the parameters of that finding the moments and having a conversation when you're outside of the bedroom she wants you to talk dirty ask her for examples ask her for what she likes to hear ask her where her limits are what is it that I'm not allowed to because here's the thing there are certain things that don't trigger me and they don't trigger me because I know that they're completely fucking false okay calling me dumb does not trigger me I know better I know that I am an intelligent woman and I don't have any misgivings or hang-ups about being dumb Thank you.

I know that I am an intelligent woman and I don't have any misgivings or hangups about being dumb. But somebody who grew up maybe with a learning disability is probably going to have a different reaction to being called dumb because they have in their lifetime thought of themselves as dumb. And when they, you same negative self-talk that they use, it can be really triggering. It can put them back into that space where they felt dumb. This is something that you really have to consider. What does your partner connect to?

what is their partner what does your partner connect to what is their history tell you about them if they grew up and like their parents didn't teach them how to shower and they smelled bad at school and they got teased for it they're probably not going to want you to call them dirty? There are several ways that you can think about how to talk dirty to someone. And here's the deal, people. You got to know what's going to trigger you right back. You got to be open and honest about that. My husband, don't call me that. Okay, great. We're not going to do that.

He and I have spoken about what triggers us. He and I have talked about, wait, that's pulling me out. Don't, let's not do that. You know what I mean? So having conversations, especially conversations outside of the bedroom, the bedroom is a very, very terrifying space. When you fuck up in the bedroom, it's terrifying because you now you're like, have I ruined this forever? Having these conversations outside of the bedroom can actually lead to better intimacy inside the bedroom and better intimacy outside of the bedroom.ations are built around the exchange of information. Okay?

Use that information. Use that language, that language that you're learning. And let it guide you. Let it create space. But I really don't know if that was I'm going to take a look at this. you. Let it create space. But I really don't know if that was what you were looking for. But just know that start small. I cannot tell you how hot it is when my husband texts me, good girl I can't tell you how hot it is when he whispers in my ear, take that dick. I can't tell you how hot it is when he says, that's my good slut. It rocks my world. And I fucking love it. And you know what?

My dirty talk to him is, did you see me taking that big dick? Did you see that? Did you see your good little slut taking that dick like a goddamn professional? Taking that dick, taking it whole, swallowing it? That's the kind of dirty talk that works for my husband. Not that I should be telling you this very personal information, but you get my point. The thing is, is that dirty talk is not necessarily defined by the words that you use, like specific words that you use. It's defined by what you're trying to get them to evoke inside.

I'm trying to get my husband to think about all the times that I was, that he watched me get fucked by someone else because that's his fucking kink and he fucking loves it. And I know that he loves it. So that's how I go about it. That's how I talk dirty to him to get his mind in that place where he is just primal, animalistic, fucking let's go. Okay? That's what I'm looking to evoke in my husband.

Now, if he was someone else, and I wanted him to be, I don't know, more sensual or more, I would probably start with something in the higher pitched register, something where they feel like they need to take care of me a little bit. It's all about just learning what's going to work between the two of you. And I don't often tend to go to my higher register with my husband, unless we're outside of the bedroom. I do go into my higher register when we're outside of the bedroom. But if I want my husband to truly be in that moment with me, I go low.

I go low and I talk about that big fucking dick i took and how that man tore my pussy up and isn't he lucky to get to play in this pussy after that man destroyed it that's the kind of stuff that i am that's the kind of emotion i'm trying to evoke in him, that cuck energy, that angst, that jealousy that drives him to take back what's his. So dirty talk is all about the emotion that you're trying to get them to evoke, the emotion that you want them to be playing with while you're playing. So I don't know if this was at all helpful, but I had fun. This next section is very triggering.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with non-consensual sex, please seek help. And if it is going to trigger you, please avoid this next section. Okay. Um, this next question is a little triggering. And if you have issues with, um, non-consent, please be warned. Okay. Good morning. I hope you're having a great day so far. I need some help.

Uh, we've been in the lifestyle for about about a year now and we've taken it very slow um i've been out with one guy two times but talked sexted extensively for over six months before we met and still talking on occasion my husband and i my husband has had one encounter he's on the shy side um we have been to several house parties but being new we just weren't I guess open enough anyhow we finally got into group into a group play situation and we're having so much fun but then there was this guy who had been told no multiple times throughout the day who took advantage of my being on my back with the guy sitting over my head getting a blow job.

I could not see who was between my legs. It had been a guy who I had consented to, and then it wasn't. It started to hurt and then hurt worse. And I reached back and I got my husband's attention and saw the guy, saw another guy and saw what was happening and pulled the guy off. They made him leave. And I got up and went to the bathroom to make sure I wasn't bleeding. He was extremely rough and not in a good way. I came back and sat down and he was all of the sudden growling. I'm not done with you. He was then bodily removed. Here's my question. How do I get past this? How do I move on?

My question, my husband has been extremely supportive and I'm just not interested anymore. It's more like at this time, I feel horribly guilty that I'm keeping him from something, even though he says I'm not. I love going to the parties. I love hanging out with my friends. But when I think about being put in that situation again, I panic. How do I get excited again? How do I remember why we wanted to do this again? I want to make my husband happy and give him everything he wants. He's not pushing at all. I just feel very guilty.

I would love to hear what you and your listeners have to say about this. And please, if you have some advice for her, please do not hesitate to send it to me and I will very much share it. Okay. So I'm going to read my response. Okay. I'm so sorry this happened to you. This was not okay. This is the main reason why consent is so important. Without consent, there is damage. And when there is damage, it is very hard to recover from. You need to heal at your own pace, but you have to heal. Putting yourself back out into these situations is just going to lead to more damage.

If you want to just go and watch, that's fine. If you want to go and, or if you want to not go, that is fine, but it has to be about what you want first. Your husband is not going to have an issue taking a break or even stopping altogether if that's what you need. You are more important than a night of random sex. If you take the time you need to actually heal and process, you might find your way back. But if you push before you are giving your full and honest consent to be a part, you are going to do more damage. You were assaulted. you were taken advantage of. This is not your fault.

Unfortunately though, you have to take the time to heal yourself and you need to deal with the guilt that you feel for putting yourself in that position. You did nothing wrong, but that doesn't mean your body and your mind aren't blaming you in some small way. You can come out the other side of this because you are stronger than some random prick with anger issues. So toddler man that throw some toddler man that throws a tantrum when he's told no. I'm going to put this on my podcast and I'll let you know what everybody says. She followed up. Thank you so much.

I really do appreciate your response. I waver back and forth on the whole subject I get so annoyed with myself I'm going to take your advice and just keep going to hang out and talk to people I'm a hundred percent comfortable with our group and it's just the new ones that come that make me put my guard up I had never met this guy before thank you again and I look forward to hearing what everyone has to has to say. We love your podcast. And thank you for that. I appreciate that a lot. I don't know if I have said it too much. And I don't really care if I've said it too much.

consent is the key consent is sexy consent is the key. Consent is sexy. Consent is how we keep ourselves sane. Consent is how we keep ourselves from being damaged. non-consensual is assault. It just is. I understand playing in the fantasy of consensual non consent. And I understand all that. And I'm as long as you're in the mindset for it. But no is no. No is no. And if no is not no, and you have a safe word that is no, I don't know. but no is no. No is no. And if no is not no, and you have a safe word that is no, there's still a no in there. There's still somewhere that you can find this no.

And having been through something where my no was not listened to, and it happens a lot more than you'd think, okay? It happens a lot. Not hearing the no, not hearing when I don't give my full consent has been a theme um i know from experience that you have to take the time, you have to heal, you have to let yourself feel the guilt, feel the shame that you did something that put you in this position, even though you didn't. This isn't logical that we're talking about, okay?

We are talking about the self-blame when you get hurt, the self-loathing that says, oh, well, my skirt was too short, or oh, I was flirting too hard. No is no, okay? It doesn't fucking matter what you did. But my saying that does not alleviate the guilt. Her saying no, and knowing that she said no, and then having him do it anyway, she is going to say things to herself that are going to sound a lot like she's blaming herself, which she shouldn't do, but it's going to happen.

And the only way to deal with that shame, that guilt, that hurt, that pain, that self-loathing that comes after a trauma like this is to fully fucking deal with it. okay? You have to take the time. You have to do the work. You have to do whatever it is that exercises those demons for you. I write, it's been the way I've always dealt with this stuff. It's been the way that I've always dealt with the fact that there's shame. There's shame from feeling pleasure when you're not supposed to. There's shame from the fact that, oh, I was wet though. And there's shame from it.

and it's not an easy emotion to deal with. And there are times when it will creep up on you, like right now. There are times when you are going to flashback, when you are going to remind yourself that you put yourself in this position and you somehow got hurt. but if you do the work if you that mindset, if you take it down the path, if you work through it, you can find yourself back in the sunlight. You can find yourself back in the happy, in the joy of being part of something that you really want to be a part of. You can find that. And it's going to take time.

And I'm going, I'm not a professional. And what I am saying should never be taken as professional, if you're having this problem, if you're having this trauma, if you're dealing with this stuff, please do seek professional advice, okay? What I'm giving you is just my own personal experience, my own personal way through this. I really had to spend time dealing with the self-loathing talk, dealing with the shame that I'd put myself in that situation, dealing with the shame that I didn't do enough to stop it, that I didn't, that I had reaction to it inside of my body.

I had to deal with the fact that I had, that there was so much. And your body is literally trying to protect you, trying to get you to figure out what it is that you did wrong, which was nothing, but your body is giving you those signals to try to help you figure out how to not have this happen to you again, okay? but you have to not let that become the voice in your head you have to not let that be your body's doing what it's designed to do teaching you how to avoid danger in the future okay that's what your body is designed to do because that's how we've kept alive. It is DNA.

It is down to the fiber in our bones. This is how we keep our species going. We learn where danger is and then we try to give ourselves tools to not get ourselves in that position again the problem is that's laying a lot of blame where it doesn't belong and no matter how many times people tell you that's not where the blame belongs you're going to do the same thing because your body's designed to do it all right but you have to take the time to let your brain fully process all of that DMA chatter. Deal all the way with it so that you can then file it away and shut it down. It takes time.

It is never going to be easy. And this assault is going to have lasting effect. And it's going to cause some trust issues, but you can find your way back. If you take the time to fully process and fully heal, you can find your way back. And that's just my own personal experience talking. Again, I am not a professional. That is not what I'm trying to give you here. What I'm trying to give you is some sort of glimpse at how it looks on the other side of the actual process of healing. It's great. I don't have the same triggers.

I have fetishized a lot of those traumas, and that's just how my brain dealt with it. None of this is easy, but just remember, consent is sexy. Consent is needed. Consent is necessary. Without consent, there's damage. And until you are ready, you cannot fully give your consent. And pretending like you're giving your consent is just going to cause you more damage. Okay? Take some time. Process it all. Figure it all out. Shut down the voices. Thank you so much for joining me today on the Pineapple Pinup, the Hot Wife Life podcast. I know that I got dark and I'm really sorry for that.

And if you have experienced rape and trauma, please reach out to somebody. Please reach out to a professional. Please reach I'll see you next time. experienced, um, rape and trauma, please reach out to somebody. Please reach out to a professional. Um, please reach out, use their hotlines everywhere. I don't ever want to be pretending like I'm giving professional advice. that's not what I'm trying to do here. But if you need professional help, please reach out and find it. Thank you so much for listening.

If you have questions, if you have comments, if you have advice for my listener, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. You can reach me on all my socials, which are listed in the show description, and you can reach me at pineapplepinuppod at gmail.com. I'll see you next time.