Bonus- My entire interview with Scoot

Transcript

okay so this is my friend scoot i've spoken to about her before in the past and we're gonna have a conversation and see what if it will be salvageable hello listeners okay soot and I actually met in 2015. Was it 2015? Yeah. Yeah, it was summer of 2015. Or was it 14? It might have been summer of 2014. Anyway, we've known each other for a very long time. She and I have been on similar and diametrically different kink journeys throughout our friendship. So why don't you tell us a little bit about how you got started in kink? Gosh, I'm trying to remember.

Um, I think it started by actually looking online for forums or, uh, websites that catered specifically to, you know, a different style of dating. Thank you. And that's how I came across FetLife. Okay. And was like, well, let's see what this is about. Mm-hmm. And dear Lord. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that.

But it offered a lot of opportunities to explore things and an education and, you know, a very quick learning curve and a lot of experiences, you know, know both good and bad that's true very and so that's kind of how i dipped my toe if you will she was a toe dipper yellow the pond of kink um all you listeners are probably very aware of her water references, so mine is a kink pond. And I met somebody on there who actually introduced me to Pineapple here, the limit's pinup, and it's been a shit show ever since.

ever since okay so what was the first kink that really caught your attention which rabbit hole did you run down first oh um actually now that I think about it was porn hub and then hopped over to fat life but it was um edging like femdom edging uh that really i was like what is this magic oh because it was certainly magic and it was just amazing to see men uh basically simping all over themselves and uh being super needy and all of those wonderful things and vocal about it so that has always been one of the trademarks of the kink that you enjoy is the emotional connection and the need the need yes need is a very good one um because i think we can all admit that a lot of times men mask yes their true emotions or feelings or they don't want to necessarily have you read desire right on their face until maybe right before they're inside you but uh this one just allowed a sense of power play and control and, you know, just seeing the desire that I was able to inflict and participate in with, uh, a male partner was very heady.

Yes. Yes. So you were, that was one of the things that was very different about us in the beginning it was I was very sub and you were very Dom and that played out in a lot of fun and interesting ways and and conversations that we had that were kind of amazing. Yes.

fun and interesting ways and conversations that we had that were kind of amazing yes it was nice to have the conversations that we needed to have that we don't normally have an opportunity to have exactly because there's always that veil of this is the civilized world and this is not civilized conversation right you'll talk sex with your girlfriends it's usually like oh my man he just does this or you know I just don't really feel like doing it and all he does is come in and grab my boob but I'm supposed to be ready you know crap like that that you have with your girlfriends or your maybe even your sisters where you talk about your spouses or your boyfriends or you know your partners but even in that circle at the time kink wasn't really right discussed it wasn't i do think it's changed quite a bit absolutely absolutely having the conversation is a lot easier now than it was even 10 years ago yes so that puts us what do you think that is um I have a feeling that between the media changing um Fifty Shades of Grey came out and everything got a little bit more we should be talking and then the mental health aspect of everything started coming in and mental health is kind of important in kink you think it's I mean don't get me wrong I work I do a lot of trauma like work through my kink i i always have it's it's been the thing i think that kept me sane right but um now i think that we're allowing people to be a little bit more themselves a little bit more authentic and we're not judging people as harshly i agree your your phrase of you know we we're not yucking so many yums anymore exactly i kind of think a lot of it has to do with tiktok because it's very embraced on there uh like you know just book talk with your spicy kinky books and then there's kink talk and then there's you know there's people who are talking openly about the whole daddy little kind of play and dynamic as well as you know uh I want to say mommy son because that's kind of weird that's weird to me it's not maybe I'm not want to yuck anybody's yum but it's not as that one's not as prevalent it's not in the open forums correct though you just you will see it it's more of just that I think they call it mommy and something else but really it's just a woman who is caring but yet in charge.

And the male that enjoys that really, really enjoys that. So I've seen a lot more of it represented. Also on Netflix and stuff, like just more mainstream movies or made-for-TV movies.

And more documentaries about the education education and getting just wiser about the effect that repressing sex has so i wonder too i'm curious as to like with the talk around consent being forefront so much now more nowadays you know with the me too movement and all of those things is that the more we talk about consent the more we talk about what it is that you need consent for which opens the door to talk more freely about your sexual predilections exactly and when And when you have to have a conversation where you're collecting your consent, where you're collecting your yeses, like a bouquet of fucking roses, you need to...

I like tulips. So does every man. This is not going out of the park. Okay. So when you're collecting your consent, it's really important for everybody to have a shared vocabulary. Yes. And that's part of what's actually coming to the forefront is a shared vocabulary. knowing what we're talking about when we say things like daddy little and master sub and master slave and dom sub all of these are different categories of what would have been considered the exact same thing not too terribly long ago right so the nuances are we're trying. Yeah.

We're trying to get deeper into the conversation to explain better what it is that we're looking for. And I think that places like FetLife becoming much more popular and play and giving us a forum in which we can have the conversations.

This is the difference between this and this and having I'm not going to brag but podcasts like this one I think are really moving the needle towards hashtag humble brag hashtag weird flex lord we're old that's why we keep saying hashtag so basically where were we um so i do think that the conversation is moving in the right direction now let's talk about some kink experiences that you've had okay we can that. Now, I know that you had a pet for a while. I did. It was remote, right? Mostly. We were able to play in person only a handful of times. Okay. Yeah.

And having that online experience is something I've kind of struggled with throughout my, because I just don't, first of all, I don't have the emotional well to dig into to find the thing.

You guys, she's a brat, in case you hadn't noticed, and a brat is not going to try to get into the deep mental aspects of a ds relationship she's going to try and piss the d off so she can get punished because she's a brat yes okay so so the answer like enough about me I'm blushing enough thank you um so knowing that that's not something that I was ever really great at I could have one or two scenarios that I could knock out of the park because I'm very good at building a story right but I was never good at the emotional connection that it took to do that online thing right what is it that that online thing was able to do for you so i think we well maybe not we've all heard it but i know that i've certainly heard it and i agree with it that women are very auditory and we also there's a reason that reading about kink does it for women whereas a lot of times men are more visual and that's why they tend to maybe gravitate towards porn however I'm a huge fan of porn but not just any old porn either.

Um, for me, the, the, what it did for me was especially with my pet was he was an excellent communicator in the written word he's an excellent communicator verbally as well but he was an excellent communicator and would engage and I think you can agree I think you've had some experiences like this where you will start out online with somebody and they give very very little yeah like you're painting an entire fucking Picasso here okay and they're going yeah oh yeah do you have any idea how many messages I get that are hey yeah well that means sideways and wipe off my chair I'm moist you know just from eight from hey hey and then when they add the extra why so hey like they're just really relaxed or hey beautiful hey sexy like how do you know I'm beautiful my face isn't on this that's not what I say would you like it to be no so yes for me the social the, and I don't, I want to clarify, because I think a lot of times when men hear emotion, they think, oh my God, relationship.

No, you can connect with people emotionally through sex and have it not be everything. Exactly. That was a hard lesson for me to learn. Okay, just because I would get emotionally involved because I didn't understand how to put up boundaries within myself when it comes to, yes, you can have these amazing experiences in a kink setting and you can have this amazing connection and you can feel all of these feelings.

if it's a play partner that you've identified is only going to be a play partner then yes you have to set boundaries up so that you're not bleeding that into your everyday life and having expectations that they're not going to be able to live up to because that's been a major conversation that we have had multiple times in the past shut up oh I'm sorry my dirty laundry is flying up here like the goddamn rainbow flag started a podcast and aired out your moist panties for everyone to listen to sure Okay.

So you have always had that disconnect between this is situational and how do I show that I'm open to more? Right. Okay. Right. So what honestly what I blame are vampire movies coming for you not even that it's just the whole story of of you know Dracula it's all very like dark gothic any romance-y kind of thing I do love me some Jane Austen and some Bridgerton. However, all of that, all of the like, that very strong emotion, that longing, that, that darker, deeper kind of connection really started with, you know, those very romantic and dark vampire style movies.

Back again, sorry, we took a quick break.

um she had to stir the enchilada sauce she makes me dinner i make her dinner she comes over to do my podcast and i give it to jenna i give her food okay so interview with a vampire yeah drac like bram stoker's dracula interview with the vampire the whole like laurel k hamilton she wrote this amazing series called anita blake vampire hunter um just that whole like just fabulously nerdy fantasy side of it but it was also very like dark and twisty full of emotion and very romantic like very romantic like this is forever in the strongest most most literal sense of the word well it was it was passionate okay and i i think we can all agree that we've all had sexual encounters that are that were very much lacking in passion didn't mean they weren't fun but there was no passion and for me I'm a I'm a whore for passion I'm a passion slut and are just passionate emotions like the heavy breathing the need the desire the sounds chewing on each other's the faces maybe not so much that, but.

Deep longing kisses where there's moaning, you know, just all of this kind of passion that is, I think people forget that can absolutely be very much a part of kink. It doesn't have to just be like filthy, dirty talk where you're just belittling the person or beating the shit out of them, although that's fun, too. Somebody's getting moist over here, so keep going, keep going. There is a chapter for everyone in this book. There is a Britannica behind me. um so it was just really that like deep need or desire for passion, for romance, those kinds of things, but in a sexual setting.

Um, now that's really what I long for when I connect with somebody, you know, when I'm being maybe a little bit more submissive, I am still looking for all of that passion stuff when I'm being dominant but I'm so much more in control and I'm a sadistic little bitch like we've met choir we're preaching to yeah I just just and just yeah it's there there's the Dom and then there's the sadistic bitch that's kept in a cage that comes out every once in a while with only special people you've seen me you have seen her you've not experienced her we don't do that. I'm too much of a brat.

You would beat the shit out of me lady lady whip and some great boots yeah anyway so yeah so because of that mm-hmm of wanting that passion and that desire I opened myself up to being put into situations where i was going to try and do things that were uncomfortable to me because i wanted i was wanting or hoping for that emotional exchange and some of them weren't so great i'd like to talk talk about that one. Of course you would. Hey. I didn't invite you on my podcast to be shy. That's true. That's true.

So when you're a little baby kink, and you're just starting out, and you have a couple of of really cool experiences and meet a cool person like pineapple pinup over here and they start telling you stories and it sounds amazing and then you get a little big for your britches and you decide to try a whole bunch of things and a scenario that ain't now looking back on it had red flags written all over it yes it did Thank you.

whole bunch of things and a scenario that ain't now looking back on it had red flags written all over it yes it did okay so she went out with uh call him johan yeah okay so we'll call him johan or johan johan sorry to all my swedish listeners all your scandinavians i'm sorry she's butchering your mother tongue oh god i said tongue here she goes so we were actually both friends with johan yes and he wanted to dominate you right and and usually i was the one that would dominate him exactly so it was a switch situation yes and being as you had not been submissive really before you did not understand and I'm speaking for you here and I know that so bear with it just grit your teeth you did not understand safe word what it was for and what it actually meant because for some reason you thought that that safe word was calling things to a halt not stopping for clarification so yeah i don't even think that we discussed a safe word which again first red flag um yeah but again i put trust in this person and and let me just preface this by saying that this person in no way Was doing any of this intentionally he was just as Experienced in this as I was so it was like two baby baby kinks thinking they could be big a girl big girl kinks and big boy kinks and It was a big big old hot kink mess.

Hot kink mess. That really did, I'm really sorry, it really did some damage. It did. It did. It broke a lot of trust. It did. And that is the danger. I mean, my hat's off. He put a lot of thought into the scenario like he really was creative, but as a baby kink It never occurred to me to ask him to lay out exactly what it was so that we could negotiate What was good? What was it going? What was our no-go out of that situation? I was just told to be ready at a certain time Mm-hmm.

What to wear and that was pretty much it yeah and now I know that when you have these situations that you have to get consent and negotiate not even honestly negotiate but you lay out this is what I'd like to do mm-hmm what are you cool with and what are you not cool with what are your boundary limits what are your limits which ones are hard which ones are soft and i you know in my enthusiasm to try new things i completely didn't even acknowledge my boundaries or um any of the things that we were we were doing even in the moment it was like oh this is different oh i feel like i'm living it out some sort of fantasy but it wasn't mine wasn't mine for sure um and it was very uh industrial it was very industrial it was like i felt like he maybe had watched some really like dark underground kinks at some point uh or just the stuff from what's that one ex hamster no i'm not ex hamster uh kink kinkster uh they bd assembler i don't know it's it's a particular company that puts out bdsm movies and they have like a castle in the beginning I can't remember the name of it maybe your readers or sorry your listeners will know but it yeah it was just it was not at all emotional it was not at all hot there was no I had no orgasms for me there was not in a denial sort of way just no just there wasn't there wasn't and he there was no checking in there and it was just you know he had a checklist in his head and he was going by the check and again let me preface let me just reiterate that he wasn't he wasn't being like hateful or mean or anything like that and that just goes to show you that even though we were giggling at some points in it that the damage can still be done if somebody is giggling and kind of physically going along but you never had those conversations because giggling is actually kind of a fear response sometimes for people who aren't brats yes for people even people who are brats yeah i mean like i i know from personal experience when i'm in a situation where i'm not entirely sure a lot of times i will break out in nervous laughter yeah and you've got to you've got to recognize what you're what's going on in your body you got to speak up but eventually you did speak up eventually you said this is not i need i need to go so i mean actually i didn't um it we it ended because it ended he came know, and so then grand finale, but you know, it ended because he was really afraid that like somebody would walk in because it was this place of work.

Oh, okay.

And then we went back to the hotel room that I had gotten and proceeded to try to do different like a different scenario and it was just a it was a disaster the whole thing was a disaster and I didn't know it was a disaster now I'd well I probably deep down knew but I wasn't letting myself think it was a disaster until I called you to explain to to go into detail about all the fun things that had happened and you were like that sounds terrible that's not good at all this makes me sad for you like she was just like and then when she said that the floodgates opened there was no aftercare there was nothing to for my safety for my concern I mean literally there was just nothing and it was it was a really hard to deal with that afterwards.

And then what do I do? Because I, I'm an emotional cutter and sometimes like to beat myself up on things is that because it didn't give me what I was longing for, which was that emotional connection, almost that daddy, little girl kind of thing, you know, I like a pleasure doll on myself. I'm not really looking for someone that's going to beat the shit out of me, right? Because you do enough damage to yourself. I do plenty to myself. I help in that, in that regard. Um, but I had searched, uh, and was talking to somebody else and I was like, Oh, I'll be passing that way.

Let me meet him in the parking lot. And that was awful too. And nothing sexual happened. It was just ick. And then, um, we met up with daddy Jay.

I met up with daddy jay based off of your recommendation for the care that i was going to need right um and it was so helpful but the damage had already exactly been done at that point exactly you'd had too much time to process or not enough time to process no you've had you'd had too much time to process between the trauma before the aftercare started to bring you down you'd had too much time to go through I'd already done the dip yeah that sub dip that crash and then now it thing for Dom's to the Dom's have a crash as well so that emotional recalibrating mm-hmm is not going to help as much past the dip and especially not the person who actually did the damage exactly right so it was like a band-aid a well-meaning and lovely band-aid and i appreciate that band-aid very much um it was like a lifeline because i was like wait a minute i feel so weird and uh wasn't this fun and theresa's like no it's okay i got anything pineapple pinup, no.

Yes, but. Anyway, so after that, you know, I had no interest in being in a submissive role for a bit. And it wasn't until I really started to connect more with pet that we started to switch and that was definitely offering me a lot more of what I was looking for and culminated in one of the most amazing scenes I've ever had to date that's awesome yeah that's awesome all right we're's awesome. All right. We're pausing. Okay. So is there anything else about your current situation that you are hoping to change? Like with your kink life.

Where is your kink life right now it's in tahiti it's not with me um i have not been in that zone for a hot minute um it didn't help that i lost my mother a couple months ago and that's just kind of the grief can sometimes mess with your libido absolutely sometimes it goes the other way where you're like banging anybody and anything just feel better and just to prove that you're still alive yep and then there's me where i tried that and i was like no this is not helping right not to bring this episode down or anything but it is important to recognize that you know what is happening in your life is going to affect how you are in your kink wife exactly and so people need to maybe remember that when like somebody they played with before is like I'm'm just not really feeling it.

It doesn't have anything to do with you. So basically, your kink life is not really anything right now. Right, it's on a hiatus at the moment.

I have started to go back on FetLife a little bit more just to kind of look around and see um I just I do tend to get a little disenchanted sometimes with the amount of um like professionals now that have like just taken over right the content providers content makers things like that which is great you know um if it wasn't necessarily panhandling a little bit to a specific type of person i would say i used to see a lot more different things right on there and now it's just kind of the the same thing on repeat so i don't know if that says something about my algorithm but right um so yeah so right now i haven't i'm not dating anybody i'm not playing with anyone.

A lot of that has to do with how I feel about myself, which, you know, we talk about ad nauseam, that I just don't feel desirable in this body that I'm in right now. You're trying to help me work through that with your pep talks and your come to jesus's absolutely um but it's a work in progress and it's it doesn't necessarily mean it's a it's a fast progress sometimes it's a slow progress absolutely and every single day you have to choose to believe that you are sexy you are desirable you have to choose to believe that you are sexy. You are desirable.

You have to choose to believe it because there's a lot of voices in your head that are trying to convince you differently. But if you make the choice every day, you're going to start to shut those voices up.

It's a work in progress and there's no such thing as perfection when it comes to this I myself have told everybody on here I don't like watching videos of myself right I don't like looking at pictures of myself because we I know how self-critical I can be but I I still know I am sexy and desirable and I can get cock oh absolutely it's is it the cock that i want you're the cock that i want are you the cock that i want honey anyway um so yes but at the same time sometimes it just starts with your toe in the water, in the pond, in the pond, in the kink pond with my waders on. Exactly.

Um, I started to look at stuff again. Right now I'm more interested in being a, um, a voyeur, like a, like a, just somebody who observes more so than participating. It's, I've got to work up to that again. Um, I'm going to get you to one of my parties. Oh yeah. I'm sure I will be in pain. We discussed this. I'm going to be handing out canapes and moist towelettes. Okay. So you heard it here. She has volunteered to, for canapé duty.

She's will be catering cater waitering cater waitering at the kink party I'm a kink cater waiter you can use the cute but the q-tips you can use the the toothpicks for multiple things not just for your tiny beanie weenies be careful be Be careful what you're dipping your little wiener in. It might have a spike in it. You never know. Okay, so. Do you have any questions for me? Let's see here. You're pretty open about most things. I don't necessarily have to like... But is there a question... You volunteer a lot. Is there a question that you wish you could ask? Not even...

It doesn't even have to be me. It can be just about k kink in general do you have any questions that you want to like maybe there's a specific kink that you've heard about but don't really know too much about maybe i can help i'm sure there's tons of kinks out there i haven't heard about um and you know some of them might might frighten me slightly and some of them might not. Um, you know, I, I've kind of just started to go back to square one again, where it's like, these are the things I know that I like.

Um, you know, we discussed a couple of times that I don't know that you and I are in different journeys absolutely however we are there to support each other absolutely things so i've always been oh you know what i am there is a new one and it's that whole reverse harem thing okay and like that i'm reading in some sexy books right where it's like okay it's it's all about the woman's pleasure and it's multiple men and you know very very hot that kind of you know I don't necessarily know if if it's quite as much of a gangbang some such scenario because I don't do it in my butt but but.

She does not go airtight. No. I have two holes and some hands. You can use those. Mouth, vajayjay, and hands. Okay. But, yeah, it's the thought of like, but it costs to be a little overwhelming. I'm like, that's a lot to focus on. the nice thing about a gangbang is that you aren't really required to focus you are there to be pleasured a sexual ragdoll a sexual ragdoll you're there to be pleasured in a, in a very, um, hedonistic way. A lot of bodies. And the thing is, is that most of the time when I, when I've done gang bangs, it's been very, very one-on-one. a of times I'm surrounded.

Uh, occasionally I'll have finger cuffs, but for the most part, it's about my pleasure only. And I'm not focused on getting anyone off.

I focused on i'm about to come make me come don't stop doing what you're doing if you stop doing what you're doing i'm gonna hurt you fucking keep going and there we go and there's your reward there's your waterfall sir so like for me the one thing about doing gangbangs that's really kind of opened me up is the fact that i'm not required to think about them that could be helpful i think too much we know exactly when When you are a very cerebral person and you are constantly fighting them. That could be helpful. I think too much. We know this. Exactly.

When you are a very cerebral person and you are constantly fighting the voices inside your head, sometimes it's nice to be taken into a situation where you don't have time to think. You don't have capacity to think. You are simply holding on to whatever cock is in your hand and you're surrounded by enthusiastic exactly when you're surrounded by that enthusiasm when you're surrounded by that those people who are their only goal is to make you pleasure give you pleasure make you pleasure um the only reason the only thing you have to do is think about Thank you.

make you pleasure um the only reason the only thing you have to do is think about yourself what am i feeling what do i need and your body is going through and this break is brought to you by diet coke the only thing you have going on in that moment is physiological your brain is so wrapped up in the endorphins and so it's it's really hard to think and i'm constantly trying to catalog what's going on who did i meet what was his name where are we going what position and literally I whose balls are these I very much like the fact that I can look at the person that I'm with and say where do you want me and get that answer because I'm mindless I'm'm going to get mine no matter what.

Because that's what this night is about. It's really actually kind of fun. Well, it takes me, as we've discussed, you're a very fun doll that, you know, 2 plus 2 equals 4. And always will. There will always be a 2 and a two and a four with me i found that sometimes it's a seven plus a three plus like there's there's a combination of things um and you're more of an algebraic equation where you're might be where you're where you're trying to solve i have where i'm like this is what's going to work we'll do this um and that's the oh i'm gonna do Thank you.

where you're trying to solve I have where I'm like this is what's going to work we'll do this um and that's the oh I'm gonna do an episode on toys oh yeah totally you have to oh yes you have all of them you are the kettlebell I make Adam and Eve blush okay I think you know again it's the story that i tell myself right there's stories that we tell ourselves don't tell yourselves shitty stories people don't assume you know what people are thinking i do that all the time and all it's gonna do is give you an ulcer so and i'm all i'm not always i might be she's always wrong but is that when i think of the word like gangbang it just what comes to mind is this is the porn that i've seen where it's not even about the female's pleasures the dudes aren't even talking or engaging with the woman it's just dudes high-fiving each other everybody you know it's it it was the woman it didn't even necessarily need to be that woman or any woman it was just woman parts you know and that is dehumanizing it to me yeah to me some people don't mind that one day i'm gonna get my friend jeff on here and i'm gonna have him tell the story of how we met at a gangbang okay cool and jeff i'm putting you on notice now you're to come on my podcast and tell the story about how we met at a gang bank.

Anyway, so, and he can tell you, there's, here's a PSA for all my listeners. Porn really doesn't look anything like real life. That's true. No matter what, it does not look like real like real life yeah and so when you're picturing a gangbang from a porn or just from what i've seen on fat that amateurs have put up it's all very it's it but you in the moment the is insane. The female pleasure is insane. It's, I can't describe it. I can't explain it.

And even though it looks like a lot of penises coming at you, these penises are coming at you in their goal in that room is to provide and so much pleasure that this woman is annihilated from it that might be nice to just shut off the it's just brainstem and it's yeah and exposed nerve at this point exactly exactly and it gets to the point where like you you're like uh if you touch my clit one more time i'm gonna punch it in the nose it gets to that point and i'm not gonna lie that there's a lot of overstimulation. Yeah. And I do get overstimulated easily. Exactly.

But that's why you take a, you're like, we're calling a timeout. The one thing that they don't show you is that the women are truly 100% in charge. They're the ones who are providing the consent. And if a woman says no at any point during any one of these endeavors, everything stops. Right. Here we go. the consent. And if a woman says no at any point during any one of these endeavors, everything stops. Right. So I personally can't say enough about a gangbang. It's real nice.

We floated away we got our little canoes water wings and just we got on our pineapple floaties and we floated down that lazy ass river i do love our lazy river with a cocktail yeah um okay well i mean i'm again i'm open to considering a lot of things and to even possibly just witnessing prior to participation. Absolutely. Just to get the sense of the vibe and the energy that occurs. Because I'm a big energy person. Absolutely.

Like it's got to be right or else one person throws energy off and it's just, you've ruined it for everybody and that's why we can't have nice things don't be that person absolutely I never want to be the poop in the punch bowl guys nobody wants to be that floaty turd thank you so much though I really appreciate you coming and doing this oh it's my pleasure thank you for inviting me we'll do this again I'm sure