Aussie from CML talks about connection

Transcript

Welcome to the Pineapple Pinup, the Hot Wave Life podcast. On today's podcast, I am speaking to Ozzy from Cuck My Life. It is an interesting dynamic that he has with his hot wife, and I want to explore more, get his interpretation of connection hi thank you so much for joining me hey it's good to be okay so um ozzy from cuck my life um thank you so much um let's start at the very very beginning because i know that a lot of my listeners also listen to you but some of my listeners may not know your origin story so if you could just run down your origin story. Sure.

So God created the heavens and the earth. And how far back are we talking? I assume it wasn't God. So my origin story. So I have two origin stories. Okay.

So i have the one origin story where i got into the lifestyle with my wife eve uh proper all right so that's kind of where we discovered the terms discovered the words discovered the lifestyle basically you know we went down the dark alley went into a back room and discovered that there was a whole vibrant community back there that we never really knew anything about um which is which is quite interesting really because like most men i've i've watched enough i've watched porn you know i've seen porn and there's infinite amount of categories to look at when you're looking at porn.

Cuckolding, it just never even occurred to me. I don't know why. It just never, I'd heard the word, heard the term, but it just was something that just escaped my conscious thought to give it any consideration. I just never thought about it.

So I didn't come from a place of being really desperately into cuckold porn and wanting my wife to to cuck me with another man this whole time it wasn't really something that that I was drawn into or fantasized about very much from certain aspects I think most people have a natural or healthy kind of way of sometimes playing with that idea so i'd have that but nothing specifically um but essentially uh the origin story was that we were uh we traveled around for a while with our family.

So we've got two young kids and we ended up living with my family away from the state where we sort of live and where we grew up. And we were sort of all living in one big house together. It was just around the time of sort of COVID or just about thereabouts. And we were just about afterwards, you know. So it was all still a bit funny and people were sort of banding together in community as you sort of do and that's kind of where we ended up being because we couldn't go back to where we were living because someone else was living in our house.

And we sort of grew a bit distant and I was sort of contemplating that I don't know.

someone else was living in our house uh and we sort of grew a bit distant and uh we i was sort of contemplating that and we went on a holiday which was a sort of a driving four-wheel driving camping style holiday essentially into the center of australia so as most people would probably know it's a desert it's mostly desert um very arid so we were staying in tent and completely uh cut off basically on on tracks that take a week basically to drive um or thereabouts so it was very remote and it was very what's the word i suppose it was like enlightening there's something about being remote and being separated from other people in a sort of an almost like an agoraphobia sort of way where there is no one around and it's just your family and the things that you do how you look after things how you maintain make sure your vehicle's working you you don't run out of water you don't you eat your food you sort of it it really uh condenses down about how your life is lived right so you go into survival mode yeah and that's that that's kind of what it is it's enjoyable and it's fun it's pleasurable but it it's also there's a stark beauty to being out in the open, especially at nighttime because the sky and the stars are just incredible.

So but what happened was is, and this wasn't on purpose, but over that two-week period, I didn't masturbate once. I just sort of – and it sort of struck me at the at the end of that period i'm like that's probably the first time in my entire adult life over a two-week period that i haven't come or masturbated it just feels fairly normal as a guy to do that sort of thing and it always has you know we always do those things when we're younger we touch ourselves and And we, you know, that's what guys, little boys and boys become men. And that's what we do. But.

it always has you know we always do those things when we're younger we touch ourselves and we you know that's what guys little boys and boys become men and that's what we do but you put in 10 000 hours yeah pretty much exactly so so it came to the end of it and i was i just found myself to be like insanely horny but very horny for her intensely horny for her and we sort of played together and then when we got home and then I just felt this for the first time I'd felt this super steep drop off of of that of that horniness of that that uh desire to to really want to be with her and please her and pleasure her and do that sort of stuff.

And it, it sort of dawned on me a little bit about my sort of refractory period. And, and that maybe I've actually, I didn't give myself enough chance to really be horny and really be, uh, you know, sexually active with her. I was always kind of masturbating and it was, but knock it down.

And and then i'd sort of come back a little bit and then if it wasn't really the right time or she was this or it was late or she went to bed early and i didn't then i'd masturbate and it would come back down again and it sort of started to drive a bit of a wedge and i sort of it just dawned on me it occurred to me that that was what i was doing and that was, you know, what had happened. So I talked to her about it and I said, you know, and she was shocked. She was kind of shocked by that I was doing it that much, which I didn't think it was that much, but to her it seemed like a lot.

And, yeah, we really just sort of had a bit more of a heart-to-heart sort of discussion around what our sexual chemistry was and about how, you know, maybe we just don't necessarily gel all that well together sexually. But it wasn't a bad thing.

It actually felt more like it was progress, that we were actually talking to one another about about the things that we how we feel about each other and how our sexual chemistry actually is and communication yeah i know right well look some of the time you know like if if if two or three drops is of water is entering the ship at a time over the space of a long period, you just suddenly go, why is the water so fucking high up on this boat all of a sudden?

Like it's just you think that everything is kind of okay, but just over time there can be a difference that you just go, well, we've got kids, so we've got two little boys. They're crazy kids.

We're struggling with our own lives, managing this, no jobs, having to look for for work you just get busy with yourselves and don't realize that maybe you're actually not connecting that well exactly anyway so prior to that i'd experimented with um chastity pretty much on my own just because i don't know i came across it and i thought no that sounds like fun i bought a cage it was terrible and i never sort of went back to it i just sort of thought oh well that was kind of fun for a bit but i never brought it to her i never talked to her about it um as something that i was interested in but at this point and that was years early but at this point i just thought i really wanted to pledge to her i really wanted to be like say look i'm not going to masturbate i don't want to do that anymore and i just want to be committed to you and i want you to be the the you know when you see me come or you know that i've come that's the only time the only time is when you want it or when we do things together so i pledged a basically a chastity pledge um which was fun for me.

And I think she would tell you differently. I don't want to put words in her mouth. That it was a pretty powerful thing for me to do that and that she respected that but was still upset.

Now, somehow amongst that, and I think it was probably because i was researching chastity i was researching chastity and i was looking at different things and i came across a blog and the blog was for a couple i'm pretty sure she's on twitter as well so her name was the bad wife and they're european and i just came across their their website of their website and it was just there was a short video that played about their wedding and then it sort of went to this thing where he was in you know in chastity and she was having sex with other men and it just a light bulb went off in my head.

Just a moment of clarity sort of beamed into my brain and I was like, fuck, that is incredibly hot. And I think the difference with it there was because it came to me from the prism of research and that I wasn't intending to look for porn. And it wasn't really even that much porn. It was actually just about the flavor and the subject of them being married and being happily married and then them doing this sort of ethically non-monogamy sort of lifestyle.

And that sort of struck a chord with me so i guess that's how it started um i started to talk to her about it i told her about the the uh that site that blog and then i read a bit more about it kept reading kept googling kept finding things and then i can't remember if it was her or it was me but we found the venus cuckoldress podcast and then we were just flying after that and michael c and uh who else uh the kinky cocktails and uh that's pretty much how i heard hopeful for the first time was on kinky cocktails so yeah it's sort of all spawned off from there i guess and the rest is somewhat history okay so you still practice complete chastity other than when she is there and so you're still completely chased outside of her.

Correct. Just not always with a cage. There you go. Okay. All right. So during the course of you guys starting to practice cuckolding and during this chastity phase um she went out and started cuckolding you correct essentially yeah i mean i may have been the one that made the first profile and the dating app that i found that was lifestyle orientated in our area so that was a little bit of a shock to her but it look i was just like look i'll just we'll just, we'll make, I'll make one. And it was, it was the day, the moment, within the hour that I made it.

I didn't like start talking to people without her permission, but I, I, I made it. And I just, I said, let's just do it so we can have a look around. Let's just see what's what this. Exactly. Let's explore. Because if you're, this is, this is something fun. This is new. This is different. And if nothing else, it's going to make your life a little spicier when you are together. Correct. Something to fantasize together about. Okay. Correct.

So obviously right now I am kind of, I don't know if you listened to my podcast, but right now I'm kind of struggling a little bit with connection and a little bit with connecting with people outside of my marriage because I, I don't know, I don't know how that operates and I don't know what that looks like. And because I'm, um, I'm curious, I know that your wife through the course of all this has found a boyfriend. Correct. How can we talk about that?

Can we talk about how that makes you feel, how she found him, why there was such a connection, and what that looks like for you and your family? Sure. um so uh so looks like for you you and your family sure um so uh so the other aspect but just sort of a little bit of a backpedal the backtrack before we sort of started um uh really the i suppose the profiles and started actively looking or chatting with someone it's sort of it there's something about I don't know. I suppose the profiles and started actively looking or chatting with someone.

It's sort of, there's something about men and penis size, which is an unknowing thing, is that there's no such thing as an accurate reading of average size, right? Because men are liars and they're always going to measure it from you know an odd angle or whatever it's just it it is just a way of things there's no accurate measurement that they're starting at the butthole yeah yeah all right yeah exactly yeah it's like well it's you know it starts from the androgynous zones of sort of my butt crack and And wow, look, that's nine inches.

So I thought, and I sort of had a fairly, like up until that point in life, I never thought I had a big cock. I didn't. I never thought it was big. I just thought it was average. I thought it was regular. No issues, right? No problems there. And she never complained.

And she never said anything about it in any uh that was derogatory or anything like that at all so you know from my perspective i'd never had any other girls that i'd been with prior had any complaints or mentioned anything or said anything you know nothing really so but then when i started looking at chastity cages and you try them on for the first sort of time and you buy one and you think oh yeah that's probably about right for me it's sort of a medium size you try it on and then you're actually quite small in it you like go hmm is uh maybe this maybe maybe I'm a bit smaller than what I think and then when you end up in something that's quite a small cage and it fits quite well you sort of go okay all right so maybe I'm onto something here so I kind of wanted to test the theory a bit right so I already I'd already discovered or ticked onto this thing where I'm like maybe I'm actually not pleasuring her all that well because I am actually quite small and she just doesn't want to say anything or wouldn't say anything or maybe she doesn't know the difference so i bought a quite large not super large but quite probably twice the at least twice the thickness of me and and at least another two or three probably three inches longer than me dildo and it was a high quality dildo because we'd bought sex toys before and they hadn't gone too well mostly because they were like i don't know what you call them like cheap and cheesy gas station sex toys right you get them right next to the sushi again yeah that's right yeah so you can buy like cheap sunglasses sushi and sex toys right like that's about the quality right but i don't and i don't know why it's just you go into most cheesy sex stores and that sort of stuff and there's you know they probably do have good products but they're like nine thousand dollars for a dildo and you think oh yeah i'll spend eighty dollars on something and that should be okay no crap it's just crap they just mark up cheap crap to to to the nth degree because of whatever so it touches anything else and starts to melt yeah i get it yeah exactly that's the exact and it's a bright pink pink plastic stuff obviously is the cheap the cheapest color um and it oozes like some sort of oil anyway those are the sort of toys that we had before this and they're all crap and we never really had a lot of success really playing with toys it just did it just wasn't something that entered into our play before that.

So I'm like, all right, screw that. I'm going to go out and I'm going to spend good money on a really good, high quality, like whatever they call it, triple density style dildo. No vibrating, none of that sort of stuff. And it's going to seem really big to her, but we see how it goes anyway so by that she's a bit shocked by it turns out though it was fucking amazing and it wasn't the sort of thing that we kind of had to work up to she sort of took it like almost straight away and i could you can just tell that there was a difference a significant significant difference, right?

And I guess that aspect of it sort of really took me aback because I was like, okay, so maybe this whole time, like some of the chemistry that we haven't really had is because she hasn't been satisfied. I don't even think I'd felt all that satisfied. But together, we were maybe just like, okay, you know what I mean? Like not, you know, quote the Lily Allen song, like we never made each other scream. It just wasn't, we just didn't seem to do that.

But when I started playing with this toy and then I was caged and then I used it as a strap-on sort of thing, it really started to like heat things up and there was this, you know, talk of cuckolding and being with other men with penises like this. It just, it started to spur that on and it took us quite a while.

This was not over like two weeks, but we got into it fairly quickly over the space of five or six months where we just felt like that there's a lot more to this and I wanted to give her more i wanted her to have more you know and i couldn't give her more of me or more of what i could do because it was sort of lacking and but i love steering and controlling the dildo and the vibrators and all the other things that we ended up doing and our sex life got incredibly better just her and i so when we were looking on the apps size was important so yeah i i is as is the case in a lot of situations there's a lot of size queens out there there's a lot of women who are like i want this or bigger and i mean I don't know.

There's a lot of size queens out there. There's a lot of women who are like, I want this or bigger. And, I mean, it's good to know what it is that you're looking for. It helps you to shop effectively. Yeah. That's right. That's right. Okay. So you're out there on the apps. Yeah. We know what we're looking for. So she met one guy and started talking with a guy. And he sort of ticked a lot of boxes except for the size thing. So and that was good.

Right from the start she she was pretty keen to make sure that there was some sort of connection she wanted to chat with them first i think one of the bigger things for her too is that she wanted to feel pursued she wanted to feel desired by these guys she didn't want to feel like a piece of meat that they would come in and you know do whatever and whatever and then take off. She wanted to feel like they wanted to know more about her. They wanted to, you know, pleasure her and chase her and that's the feeling, I think, that she wanted to have.

So the whole sort of transactional thing was just never really going to work and it wasn't ever going to be a first date date meet at a hotel that just that was never going to happen so we met this guy um he he was nice but but sort of didn't didn't really gel all that well she she was okay with him and and they and that you know they they connected in in a minor way um and i was there for the first time and the first time that they met I wasn't there for the first time that they were intimate but it was a crazy time for me it it's sort of it's a it's a difficult thing to understand your emotions at that time because at this point we had been together for 17 years or 18 years and we traveled the world together we met each other when we were in high school different high schools but met each other in high school so uh we were fantastic together best friends like by far the only person that i could stand to be with for any length of time right so sorry go ahead so there was like there was a lot of emotional attachment there which i'm sure you can understand we've been together for a very long time um so with this guy it it wasn't actually i didn't secret not secretly i just deep down, I didn't dislike that things weren't gelling all that well because I wanted her to have fun and we were having fun.

But at the same time, the fear of loss and the anxiety and the angst around it was quite visceral. So, I still wanted to get my head around it. I was still wrapping my head around it, listening to a lot listening to Michael C a lot listening to lots of podcasts and and about that sort of about cock angst and just understanding like how to sort of lean into it and and feel that and and she didn't really understand it all that much she just seemed to think well it just felt like to me anyway that she was having a great time and she was focusing on what she was doing with that.

And it was difficult to understand my emotions because one minute I'm like, yeah, this is fantastic. I'm really loving this.

And then when she came back, I wouldn't be mad, but I'd be really kind of amped up and i wouldn't i wouldn't badger her but you know quite uh quite emotional and sort of going well you know did was it great was it not great like you know what can we reconnect like i don't know just sort of feeling your way through it and it was a bit tough right because it's got to be stirring up so many conflicting emotions within you and then not having been there you feel like you need more details to make sure that it was worth it for her to make sure that she that the thing that she was looking for she got and that she wanted to share that with you so that you guys could be experiencing it together in the aftermath to make sure that you guys were still each other's people yeah believe me I get that one yeah I guess as well that i i expect i don't know whether i expect it but i had in my mind that what it would be like was is that she would feel some of the similar sort of angsty things and that when she came back that she would be desperate to want to reconnect with me and really you know horny back for horny back for me and, and about, and, and just, you know, feel like there was something sort of transgressive about what, what she'd just done, but it never felt that way.

So she, you wanted, you wanted her to basically earn your forgiveness in a bit, in a way, Not like, not like she's done anything that needs to be forgiven, but at the same time, maybe a little bit of that guilt feeling that she was out fucking somebody else. And now it was time to reconnect and make sure that you guys were solid. Yeah, correct. Correct. Yeah. Yeah.

So, so I kind of expected, I thought, you know, cause I was feeling conflicted about it and I thought that she would maybe feel a bit guilty about it and would feel a bit, um, not regretful or, or anything, but yeah, just, it is about that little bit of guilt. Desirous to bring you, desirous to bring you in, back in.

Yeah, that's right's right make sure that you're solid i understand but i'm gonna explain it from her side for just a second sure she was given permission to go and do something that was naughty and because of the fact that we are all raised with the same monogamy speech, and we're a precious temple and we should never let anybody into our temple kind of stuff. The fact that she was given that permission made it so she was even able to do it.

And once she did it it was the satisfaction of knowing that she's done this thing for you plus the sexual satisfaction and then a lot of times i gotta tell you we go into like oh filter mode like we go into like everything's in soft focus for a little while after we fuck everything's a little okay we're good and we wander off and we do other things because we've just done the thing that makes it so our brain will shut up so sometimes and i and i'm not speaking of your wife directly i'm speaking from personal experience sometimes i'm dumb i don't think about the fact that my husband just lost me for a period of time yeah i was not his for a period of time and he wants to do lost and found with me he wants to come back and connect and make sure that what, where we started, we can still be.

Yeah. And sometimes because of the fact that I'm in oxytocin and like dopamine and all the fun, fun hormones, I don't think about having to nurture another man because I just did that. know what I mean yeah so it is a little bit chemical and I have to snap back in and the nice thing is is that my husband's horniness amps up my horniness so when he shows me his angsty horniness it brings me wide awake and then i'm like right back in the zone that's me though but there is something to be said about the fact that what you're seeking is probably under there yeah but just blurred for a little bit.

Yeah. And I think with the magic of experience, that's kind of the way that you see it, through that lens looking back. But at the time... Oh, yeah. At the time it's rough. At the time it's rough because, right, so what I told you there before was the second origin story. So my first origin story really, and it came to being into cuckolding and actually, you know, becoming a cuck and our relationship developing, that I actually started to look back through just through my memory and through my history of what I've done. Yeah.

cuck and our relationship developing, that I actually started to look back just through my memory and through my history of what I've done and how I've been. And it was actually there just about all along. There was an element of connection with being cucked all along. So my very first girl that I was with, the girl that I lost my virginity with, the next door neighbor, right? We never had a relationship, but we were just neighbors. So, you know, occasionally when we would see each other, we'd hang out a lot. And sometimes we would play around.

And then other times I'd just watch TV, she'd go home, I'd go home, whatever it was. And we just sort of hung out. And that was, but it was that kind of thing where I was like getting fairly desirable. Yeah, that and it was purely because of that we didn't go to the same schools we didn't do any of that sort of stuff we just sort of caught up on the weekend but through that period after we'd been together we went to a party together and she hooked up with another guy at this party and went into the back room with him.

And I knew that, you know, I was just kind of, I just came along as a friend, even though it sort of felt like I came with her. And I didn't go in there. I didn't see them doing anything or any of that sort of stuff. But I was, you know, phenomenally jealous at the time.

I was just sort of like, well, she's not my girl or anything, but, you know, I kind of have a lot of feelings for her and I hope that I wondered maybe things were developing and she would become a girl but maybe not now and then afterwards which was the kicker she was describing to me how thick his penis was and how like how much how much, how different it felt, you know, having a really thick penis. And, you know, I was just, I'm like, why would you be telling me this? But I couldn't stop listening to it. It just, it did something. It flipped a switch at that point in time.

And this was when I was, like, 15. In your fundamental years. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And those sorts of things are obviously foundational in terms of memories, right? Exactly. And how things happen and how your mind can then for there and evermore be set on a path from that beginning. So there was that.

And also there'd been other times through the relationship with my wife, with Eve, where I had a friend and he was always very sexual and her and him did some things and I was away with another friend at the time and she asked me if she could see him and I sort of said, oh, yes, and that made me really horny and maybe, you know, really hard and all that sort of stuff.

So even though right, you know, the second origin was what I call the lifestyle origin, she cucked me way back then it was like 15 years earlier so yeah I guess it was it's always been a kind of a fundamental part of from being very young in teenage years to that experience and something coming strangely enough like I have no idea how it didn't actually come to the forefront earlier and learn the terminology earlier it just didn't just it wasn't in the vernacular i don't know why because how often like i mean honestly how often does the term cut come up before you're in the lifestyle yeah and like a lot of people had never even heard the term until they heard Hamilton.

Yeah. You know, like so many people, they were like, what is this? You speak of this word. So, like, I mean, it's not unusual that you don't have terminology for your kinks. It's not unusual because when you have the kink, you're hiding it because there's a lot of like, Oh, I'm so weird. I'm, this is something I should be so ashamed of. And then it's only from it being persistent that you start to try to figure it out. And some people never try. Some people never go and do the research.

And the fact that you were brave enough, smart enough, and in a relationship strong enough to move through the fantasy into the kink into the lifestyle is just it's good on you you know it's one of those things where there are people who are going to live their entire life never exploring the shameful closet in that they think they have in their head they're never going to let those skeletons come out and dance at halloween they're never going to do that and the fact that we have an opportunity to live our live with our closet wide the fuck open is a gift.

So I'm always grateful for my journey that brought me to this place because it's a pretty, it's a pretty good landscape from where I'm, where I'm sitting, you know? Yeah. I'm the same.

I wouldn't change a thing like you know life has life is is is infinitely like complicated and convoluted you couldn't just think about one thing and pull out that thread and be like yeah that's okay i'll just change that and everything else will be the same that's not how it works right like it's a great big ball of yarn you can't pull out one thread without other things pulling out so you know what yeah the it's the path behind you and it got you where you got to and look i'm i'm happy i'm really happy you know exactly so it's and it's the reason why we started your way yeah you found your way here you found your way to a place where you can live your life in the most out loud way possible without any of the little shame secrets that prevent you from that haunt you every once in a while yeah so for me i'm right there with you grateful gratitude nothing but gratitude for the life that i've lived it has been a bumpy rocky fucking road i get i get it but i wouldn't change a thing because if i changed even one small space i would be it's the sliding doors effect if i looked one way instead of the other way it would have been a completely different life and i've got so much gratitude for the life i have now that i would never want that yeah all right so bring me to the boyfriend mm-hmm so the very next guy that we met so to put a bit of a time spin on it.

So we set up the profile and then within about probably six weeks or thereabouts, you know, a month to two months or thereabouts, she'd met this first guy. And I reckon probably within the first three weeks, I found Mr. T's profile on the dating app and sort of, not going to lie, was drawn to the penis size because he was huge. Like he was, you know, he's actually quite a slender guy, so quite slim. Not a short guy, but just sort of quite slim. And he was like a tripod. Muscle mass got diverted. Yeah, yeah. It was like a tripod of a guy.

And I just sort of oh like have a look at this guy um and you know how like in the apps how they've got like the scales or the size of penis you know five to six or six to seven nine plus or whatever yeah he was in that category so so i'm like oh well you know just he's he's fairly local and he just sort you know, start a conversation with him. And at that stage, you know, we were working all this stuff out because I was super excited about it and I was looking for lots of guys and, you know, on the side and I was favoriting them and I wasn't talking to them.

But she then sort of said to me, like, she found that that was a bit ick, that, you know know i was kind of serving up guys that i thought that i liked or that you know that that appealed to me that she would like it was kind of like serving her the meal sort of thing rather than letting her decide what she wanted right so so ordering the menu for her yeah that's right that's right like it's it's like i know what you like so so I'm just going to order whatever I want for you.

So even right from that early sort of stages, I think she was really starting to, and I was starting to recognize, she was starting to recognize the sort of power that she wanted to have. She wanted to be in control of this.

Whilst it was my idea, this was not going to be me asking her or getting her to do things she was she was doing this for for her own which was you know and for me that that felt fantastic because whilst i was excited and i wanted to be involved i wanted to you know do the searching and the swiping right and all that sort of shit you know it was all very exciting but at the same time it was actually quite humbling to know that she was actually not just doing it for me and I never wanted that I never wanted it to be just like yeah I'll just humor you and do this like I don't know that's really patronizing to me I didn't never wanted it to be that way I wanted her to to be the one to want to do it and do it her way and she was starting to do that so I was like awesome.

I'll step off that. Yeah. My husband has a big fear that I do a lot of things in that capacity, but I'm doing it for him. Yeah. But the fact is, is that he merely unlatched the gate. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. That's right. I let the floodwaters run that's all i'm gonna say but anyway so so now squirting reference possibly possibly i like it but it's good and the poor village oh anyway um but so so's now, she's taking control and she's saying, I'm going to look for what I want and you're going to just sit there quiet and I'll show you what I'm doing. Yeah. But this is going to be done my way.

Yeah. Okay. Correct. All right. so the our mo and it sort of still is this way it's a it's a little bit more loose now because everything loosens up a little bit in terms of rules and all that sort of stuff was that our standard sort of mo was is that she would start the conversation with the guy on the chat app uh or sorry, the dating app. And then we both had the same login, so I could see, she could see. But I wouldn't talk because then you couldn't tell the difference between her and me, right? So it wasn't a group chat. It was just her and him starting the conversation.

After a while, though, because that was shit and she wanted me to be somewhat involved, we would bring it out of the dating app and into a chat app, whatever it was, kick, whatever it was I don't know.

and she wanted me to be somewhat involved we would bring it out of the dating app and into a chat app whatever it was kick whatever whatever it was at the time um and then all three of us would be in there and so i'd introduce myself i'd talk chat a little bit but i wouldn't really talk much you know it wasn't really i wasn't really in there for the back at backwards and forwards it was just that i was there i was watching i was part of the conversation but not really actively contributing to the conversation unless he asked me something and then I would respond like you know what do you like or is there something that you prefer to do and I would respond but mostly it was about them to getting to know each other so we did that for a couple of reasons one being that I was involved and that the other guy knew that I was there right um because that was important it was sort of pretty important to us right from the start that they and it's also going to be important to know that they can function knowing that you're there correct yeah exactly yeah that he was conscious of that i was there watching and listening and whatever so you know if he wanted to send her a dick wasn't cheating this isn't secret this isn't that you are involved that's right that's right so gently or whatever correct so so that that was good that was actually we we found that to be quite good um it just sort of really got across the message that we were both involved and that we were both interested in this um and for most of the guys that we ever talked to uh generally explaining cuckolding was always the thing you sort of had to do you had to what do you get out of it well lots but not the same thing that you get out of it well kind of the same thing that you get out of it but like so yeah it's a second yeah it's a bit more proxy you get to go second yeah that's true uh so throughout that time so she started uh chatting with mr t and they kind of instantly kind of hit it off lots of chats backwards and forwards um became very sort of very frequent in terms of their chats and and they're you know i would struggle to keep up with their chats because they were always back and forth and it started to be that he he was also really attentive so you know every morning he would be like good morning and every evening he'd be saying good night and so that that sort of started to pave the way a little bit because I was I wasn't really expecting that I guess or that there would be so much of a so much of a time and and not that it was all that much time but you know that a lot of her time that they would just be spending talking about getting to know each other and doing all that that sort of stuff and fairly soon after we started chatting and she'd been with this other guy that sort of hadn't really worked out or was it was partially in between like we'd met that guy and then like the next day we met mr t and then we went away for the weekend and during that time it it was it all became pretty real like you know we just met two guys and this was just out for coffee or lunch or you know a drink which hadn't done anything but she'd met two guys and she was talking with mr t a lot more i was talking backwards forwards backwards forwards we're sitting by a pool and i was horny as fuck i was just like i was off the scale but then also quite concerned but also off the scale like you know that double-edged sword um so and yeah then things just continued to develop with her and him and at some point uh we kind of got together with him and as in we sort of went to a hotel room together I think was that first time.

And I struggled quite a bit, um, in that first, that first sort of thing, because I could tell that she really liked him. Like she had a really close really close you know had developed that really close chat um kind of relationship and spoken on the phone and that sort of stuff and she was really gelling with him you know she was really excited about seeing him and and that was fantastic to me but also really scary. Right. So, and I, we, what do you call it?

The analogy of like the the sort of blending of things made a bit of a disaster which was that i was pretty obviously vulnerable call it from from an emotional point of view i was kind of just on edge i really wanted this to happen i really wanted it to be great but then also the the scared feelings of of of how much attachment and how much she's you know enjoying um just connecting with this guy rather than you know just the sexual side of things uh kind of got to me a fair amount and stupidly and don't do this had a bit too much to drink because I was like, yeah, it'll calm the nerves a bit.

No, no, it just turns out it doesn't. Who knew? Talk about amplifying a situation. Exactly.

So, and she wrote me a a letter and so when they were actually starting to play she sort of gave me this letter and i think it was digital i can't remember i don't know where it is now but and i just took it completely the wrong way like i i i don't know whether or not i haven't actually read it i have read it since but not for a long while and I still there's still parts of it that I sort of go it doesn't I don't know how you thought I was going to take that but it didn't it didn't sound great and so I just lost it I just I read that letter and it it sort of made me feel like everything before this wasn't that great and that it's so good that we've come to do this and that we're able to do these sorts of things because everything before this was not that fantastic.

That's how it was in my mind.

That's clearly not what it said, but it just, just i don't know there was something about it the way that i read it the way that she wrote it i don't know it just and the timing of reading it yeah i'm sorry the timing of reading it yeah it's not great no so and she's like inside you know making out with him on the kitchen bench sort of thing with her legs up and all this sort of stuff and i'm reading this thing and it just it just i don't know i had a meltdown so i just left i just stormed out and i'm like i'm gonna get some air because i don't i don't know what to what to make of this so you know having already feelings of of inadequacies and thinking that maybe i'd been shit all up until this time and you know then reading this and maybe maybe i was and look maybe getting written proof of that yeah that's right and like i say it wasn't actually that bad she didn't say any of those things in that particular way at all.

And I'm sure she had best intentions of it. But you're in your angst. You've been drinking. She is currently doing the thing that you both agreed you wanted to try, but is new and different and unusual. It's a lot to process. It's a lot to go through. Thank you. but is new and different and unusual, it's a lot to process. It's a lot to go through. Yeah, it really was. And then to try and, you know, and she, I'm not going to say specifics, but she talked about things that we had been through or done, things that we had done over a period in time.

And it just me feel or the way that i read it was that she had never been sexually fulfilled by me that's not what it said but that's how i read it because my mind was in this place right this fight or flight type place, you know, everything was like dialed up to 11. That was probably my heart rate was probably through the roof. And, yeah, you know, like when you get into those situations, I don't know, things can just blow out of proportions. Mix with alcohol, mix with, you know, bad mix. Not a good experience. Okay. So anyway, yeah.

know bad mix not a good experience okay so anyway yeah you were not you weren't opposed to her having this connection no but now all of a sudden there's the connection there's the action and there's the doubt about where you were before yeah before this moment so you let it continue you didn't say i want to call a halt to this you let her continue to do the thing that she wanted and you walked out. Yes. Okay. But also, I mean, there was, I didn't just slink out of the room. I'm like six foot five. I can't slink out of fucking anything.

I, so I, you know, I was visibly, I visibly like left and closed the door sort of thing. And so soon thereafter, she called me, which I didn't answer. And I, I think, I don't know. I think maybe I messaged her back and just said that I needed some time or something.

And yeah, look then, so then I sort of went back down, went back into the room and just sort of, you i just sort of said i'm not i'm not coping well with this and you know i don't think it would be good to keep going something to that effect i can't remember the exact words um so so yeah so he um she sort of explained it to him sort of thing and was like it's – you know, I don't think it's – and it wasn't anything to do with him, to be honest. Like it was absolutely nothing to do with him. You know, he was being a complete gentleman.

He was doing everything we'd asked and wanted to and all that sort of stuff. So I think he sort of got it. I'm sure he was confused and felt pretty bad about it because he obviously didn't want me to react that way. Yeah, so then he left. Yeah, because he's not there to dissolve a marriage. No. He's there to enhance a marriage in his brain. Yeah, yeah. So I guess what was sort of learned really from that was that things were progressing. So to give it some context, we'd only really been doing this for a number of months, maybe not even that, maybe two or three months.

So, yeah yeah so that things continued from there after you know the heart rate calmed down the alcohol wore off and you know I had a bit more time to sort of process and think about it and that sort of stuff and I I can't I wasn't I guess I wasn't I still wasn't especially happy with her from the perspective of sort of putting that letter on me and really not really gauging or understanding the severity of what cuck angst is like, you know, and really sort of maybe just a little bit of just understanding about how much it can affect, you know, me, which I think it probably did quite a bit after that.

So, yeah, look, after that, I guess we sort of took things a little bit slower, but even still, it didn't put a dent in their relationship in any way. Like I was, I sort of came back around to being okay with it. And the next time that we met, they had a really amazing encounter and, you know, I started to sort of get into it more and really started to appreciate the intimacy that they were sharing. It wasn't just fucking. They were actually like, you know, really sort of lovemaking and the intimacy between them was incredible.

Still a bit difficult to understand, but also I was starting to be okay with it.

So is Mr mr t the only other partner she's had since you guys started this is that the only time she's is that the only other person she's been intimate with uh do you mean had sex with or yes i'm sorry no had sex with yes no no so so one of the things that we had generally talked about i guess reasons for for doing for doing it for getting into it i always knew and she always knew that she was never just going to get into it for sex she hasn't got a real sort of drive to just have raw sex with a stranger or just that sex is a very important thing. It's not really her number one. Right.

It's not her cardio. No, that's right. So it needed to be more than that.

And what was appealing was meeting people from different walks of life that you know have different jobs or have lived different lives and are fascinating to talk to and and learn more about and enjoy their company the sex was something that we were definitely after but it was actually more about being and doing something together and being into doing something together and meeting some people and having some fun and that didn't really change all that much when when mr t um sort of came on the scene which again was i think was part of the things that i struggled the most with from a We'll be right back.

which again was, I think, was part of the things that I struggled the most with from a angst perspective. He always was very clear in terms of his intentions. He was never the sort of guy that wanted to try and message her or try and coax her away from me or any of that sort of stuff. He'd never been that guy. However, he was also falling in love with her. He was single. He hadn't been in a long-term relationship for a very long time. So people start to get the feelings that they have. There's nothing you can do about that.

Now, if I thought that he was more of a, I don't know what you call it, a lifestyle bull, where he was really into being a bull and he loved being with other couples and he was being with other couples and was actively encouraging her to be with other guys and she was, you know, and meet other couples that he knew and that sort of stuff. If that was the kind of way that it was, I actually think my angst level would have been a lot less.

Right that but he wasn't he was essentially just a single guy and sure he'd he'd been with some other people and was occasionally being with some other people but he's she was becoming his primary as such which started to feel like a relationship and And I was not ready for that. Yeah. And so what brought you around to accepting this as a relationship? What brought you there? I don't actually know. Or are you there? So I guess everyone positions their own life in a comfort, in a zone of comfort.

And, you know, I'm someone that's's picked up that's uprooted my life and gone off for periods in time a number of times i don't actually feel that especially grounded to a geography you know sort of moved around lived in different places traveled a lot so but you surround yourself with the the familiar things in life that make you you that are with your things, your home, your family, your parents, your car, your house, your favorite shoes, whatever it is, that's what you do.

Now, I had two kids at this stage, two young kids and my wife and we were were living in somebody else's house so it didn't feel like we were really that grounded or that we had they were my house they were my you know my picket fence was just them because that's all we had and a car and a caravan right so that's all we had the thought of so is like somebody else gonna come in to that I don't, what are you, what are you looking for this sort of stuff? And she talked about having a bigger place or a place on acreage where, you know, we could all live. And I'm like, fucking what? Okay.

Now you're in a commune? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. And I'm like, okay, give me the Kool-Aid.

So look, right from the start in terms of, I don't know, since obviously being in the lifestyle and watching a bit more cuckold porn which I still don't like by the way I still only just like the porn that involves my wife um I that doesn't work for me when it's someone that I don't know or care about but there's a lot of tropes about that sort of you know the bull moves in and you know the cuck sleeps on the floor or you know there's that sort of and i'm like okay those don't seem like real life but then it started to feel like real life to me where she was sort of having these these uh thoughts or fantasies about about having a king-sized bed and that she'd just sleep in the middle and i was like okay that's not what i want right so i think where it came to being more acceptable or more uh amicable was i needed to talk about boundaries and my boundaries needed to be that you don't play with anyone mr t or T or anyone, in our house, in our bed.

It's not about the bed. It's about within our picket fence. This is our family life, where our family is. And that stuff doesn't happen here. And she pushed against that a fair few times. And I've sort of pushed back plenty of times. There'd been other things about like sleeping over. We're not going to do sleeping over and then she sleeps over. We're not going to do a weekend and then she does a weekend.

We're not going to go on holiday together and then she goes on holiday with him for three days so like so yeah she's your boundaries are more like suggestions yeah they're sort of very low hurdles you know like when you're little and you can see like a jump and you're like yeah i can i can make it i can make it you know that can take this job so yeah and look so for many of those um i think she would she would feel that i that i relaxed on and that i was that i became okay with them i was still pretty you know hell angsty about it but but she wanted to spend more time with him and she wanted to stay over she wanted to go to shows and go to dinners and do those sorts of things and you know I I've over time uh became okay with that and their relationship developed in that way but I was like yeah so she wanted her single life and her married married life too yes yep correct okay and what did her single life give you um so i mean we went and went away together all three of us um a number of times for a birthday or anniversary or whatever and and the the sex was tremendous like between the three of us i wasn't doing a lot of the actual penetrating part but the call it the cuckold sort of sort of style and sex and toys and costumes and whips and chains and all sorts of things it was it was really hot and it was fantastic because they had a really good connection we developed as the three of us a close tight-knit thing and she was happy like when she'd come home from seeing him and being away for the weekend she would just come home walking on air she would be you know bubbly and light and wanting to do stuff with the kids and you know wanting to see me and kiss and I'll see you next time.

and being away for the weekend she would just come home walking on air she would be you know bubbly and light and wanting to do stuff with the kids and you know wanting to see me and kiss and cuddle and do all those sorts of things and and that was fantastic to see so it was hard not to be okay with it right if that makes sense yeah yeah because you you're seeing someone you love be happy. Correct. Yeah. And that's rarely a bad thing. And the thing is she keeps coming home. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's important. I mean, that's important in my relationship.

I very much spend whatever time i spend away i i always come home yeah so and that's i think that's that's the number one rule of it being that kind of relationship is that you know where your home base is okay yeah that's right and so you know and and look he he was always very respectful um but at the same time he wanted more of her time you know he he he wanted to spend more time with her he wanted to see him or wanted to to be able to have her more um and i i can completely understand that uh there was that that's it made perfect sense because they had a wonderful time together he wanted to see her more and i never put any boundaries on it but she was also a mom she put the boundaries on him herself she has to look after her kids we have you know house household to run she had to work like it yeah you know he His work was really off and on and he did some work and he had an injury and then you know so he he was sort of sometimes like not working at all so he had all the time in the world and and when she had any time she could go and see him and it would be fine and then other times he would be working and he'd be away further away than where he lived and they could barely see each other a bit so yeah look at um i guess it i guess we just worked out the framework of time and them seeing each other and us still being sexually active together as just us and her sometimes seeing other guys and meeting new guys and we're meeting them together and that sort of stuff.

But she, I think with the other guys, it's taken her longer to appreciate the sorts of connections that she can have in a very casual way that with with him and with me like so before we were together she had had one boyfriend that was it so before we were before we were a couple she'd had one boyfriend and that was from being like 14 or something up until she was like 17 or 18 or 19. So her mode, her MO, was relationship, was being in a relationship. A serial monogamist. Yeah, that's right. And, you know, a serial of two. So I think. Those really big serials? Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

She was seeing him, uh, you know, sort of frequently.

And I think her natural MO was to just go into relationship mode, you know, uh, understand about his family and, and, you know, form a close bond about like well you know what makes him happy what makes him sad what's you know what sort of food does he like and cooking for him and you know like just essentially doing what relationship things are right and i don't think she knew anything else but now since there's sort of been a bit more time oh sorry, previously when she was meeting other guys, I think she sort of felt like, well, I don't really have the time anymore.

I don't really have the need. I mean, I found this guy who's my boyfriend now and I really like him and I love my husband and spending time with him. What do I need these other guys for? And would struggle a little bit to sort of not need to have any other mode other than searching for a boyfriend or searching for a committed relationship. So if they weren't as attentive or if they weren't as like, you know, good morning, good evening, you know, really chasing her, I think it sort of came across to her that they weren't that interested.

So, yeah, that was sort of a fascinating time um but now i think she's starting to appreciate the differences between people and and their different sorts of personality and the different people like to talk differently and different people like to chat and and some people don't have time to chat and some people do have time to chat but when she gets together with them if there's a good clicky kind of conversation connection like that's enough it doesn't need to that doesn't need to to lead into you know picket fences yeah i've discovered recently that um i am a much better in-person talker than I am on text because I'm'm like so my my friend came over for dinner last night my my female friend who i've actually had on the show before her name is scoot and um she came over for dinner last night and she goes let me read you our text exchange and you will see that you are very bad at this.

I was like, Oh my God. Because everything I say sounds so stilted. Like she asks me a question. I say, yes. She makes a reply. I say, okay. I'm just, I'm not putting in a lot of um wit and energy because it's hard for me via text because in order for me to be verbose i need a keyboard to truly type out what it is that i want to say because what i want to say is probably a novel. It's very rare that I shut the fuck up. Well, look, I think, yeah, you're right. And sometimes you get like two or three sentences in and you go, fuck it. I'm just, you just delete all that and go. Yep. Yeah.

For me, because of the fact that it's rough for me my husband actually has to step in and help me he has to step in and be like you don't mean that you kind of gotta give more words because what you're sounding like is a sarcastic C word. I don't know if we love to use that word. Oh, yeah, no, absolutely. And like, but he never tries to, like, I literally want, I want, I have a cup that says the handle is a D and then the cup says ick. Yeah. And so it's my dick juice cup and I want to get the unt cup. I want to get the untick. Ick, yeah. And so it's my dick juice cup.

And I want to get the unt cup. I want to get the unt cup. I've seen the unt cup, yeah. And I want it because of the fact that occasionally you need to fill your cunt juice. You need to fill that too. Because I have literally expended it. Yeah. But, okay. So you are not intimidated by this person. He's not trying to poach. He's not trying to remove you from the scene.

he's not trying to take out your puzzle piece he's literally just adding to the side of her picture which is very nice and very respectful and I really appreciate that but how hard is it to know that she has a deeper connection How does that impact you on the daily? Or does it impact you on the daily? Well, it doesn't so much anymore, right, because, you know, the fear aspect and that, that, and look, the other thing is that I've not, I don't think I've ever, strongly, I don't want to say ever at all, felt jealousy. I don't feel jealous of him.

Like, it's, you know, I'm confident with who I am, right? And she fell in love with me and we got married and we've been together forever, right? And I don't feel like that somehow he has something more special with her than what I have, because what I have is incredibly special. Exactly. You know, and I know that I am with her most of the time, you know. And, yes, it's like the daily grind. You know, we're up making breakfast and we're out the door and we're in and we're up and we're putting kids in bed and showers and doing all that sort of stuff. Like that's not exactly sexy times.

Somebody always has to do the dishes, yeah. Yeah, that's right. It's not exactly sexy times, but we always kiss each other goodbye. We always hug. We always kiss each other when we see each other. You know, I make love hearts in a coffee. Like we can exchange intimacies of doing the daily life together every day that he doesn't get to do with her.

so you know i feel i have that i feel for him and i feel for that and i know that she would like to to spend more time with him and he would like to spend more time with her but it's about making the time and and where that time is appropriate to have or to be able to have that time. And where you cut out. Because it doesn't seem like she has the ability to cut out any more time for him without cutting out pieces of her life. That's right. That's right. So there's security in that. Yeah, and it's...

I guess the other aspect of it, is i think both her and i have have thought is that he's a wonderful man like he he you know he's really attentive he's really sort of um uh you know he has a lot of emotion and you know sometimes he's up and he's down like everyone is but he's sort of quite well in touch with his emotions um and you know, he has a lot of emotion and, you know, sometimes he's up and he's down like everyone is, but he's sort of quite well in touch with his emotions and, you know, talks wonderfully, you know, sings and plays guitar. I'm jealous of that, by the way.

Fuck that because I wanted to be able to play guitar. He can sing really well and play guitar and she swoons over that shit. That's the only thing I'm jealous of. Have you seen the Barbie movie? No, I haven't. Okay.

Well, there's's this thing where he where the ken doll is singing at the barbie so okay so anyway so he swings he sings really well and you're jealous of that and i but okay and the penis size the penis i'm a little bit jealous of but i'm not sure what i would do with that thing anyway imagine how much blood flow that takes imagine how much mental capacity you have to reduce in order to make that happen with your size with your stature you know what i mean you're not helping me i don't think this is this is helping oh you're so smart and intellectual though imagine if you imagine if you had a big what are you suggesting are you are you insinuating that men with big penises are unintelligent no but they're also not six five oh yeah true well maybe they're i don't know i'm just saying that you that allocation of funds yeah yeah i seriously got the change i'm kidding i'm sorry that's okay every penis is beautiful oh i'm a cuck i like that sort of kitty yeah so yeah and look the other parts of our our aspects of life and our time together you know caging and um the flr side of things and that sort of stuff all of those aspects i believe take a lot longer than than how fast it takes to get into cuckolding if that makes sense because uh the the act of having sex with another person can happen in an instant now obviously, obviously, there's a lot of things that go into that, right?

But developing and finding space in your relationship to sort of stretch it out to have something else in there like female domination or caging or whatever it is, whatever else things that you are into, those things actually take a fair bit of time to actually be meaningful in the relationship and not just some bedroom antics bed romantics are fun but they are just what they are yeah something that's actually a little bit of a change in who you are and how your relationship works those things actually take a bit more time exactly and they take a lot more um trust than just going out and fucking someone else.

Because the one thing about domination that I've always been really drawn to is the fact that you, if you're the dominant, you have to think more of the other person than you think of yourself. You have to take into consideration what they need from you. It can't just be about... Taking what you want from them. Yeah. Exactly. Because if it's just about you, then all you are as a bully. But if you're doing things in the realm that this is going to increase their desire, this is going to amp up their experience.

When you're thinking about it like that, it's you're able to make those demands and have a and when you get pushback you can be like no i need you to do this this is what's best for you and have that sort of understanding of the whole picture that the subbie may not. And that to me is probably the most intriguing part of domination and being the one who's making the decisions because you have to be playing the chessboard and the person, they just have to do the pawning. They just have to do this one thing and trust that you've got their good best intentions.

But if you don't have their best intentions, then you're going to break that trust. And that person is going to call a halt to it trust and and being the smartest one in the room is where domination lies sorry i did not mean to go off on my kink but it's good good tangent though we should explore that maybe in another episode absolutely I really appreciate you doing this. I know it's getting very late there because it is getting kind of early here. So I really appreciate you doing this and stopping by. And this has been beyond intriguing to me. And I would love to have you back anytime.

Seriously. You're welcome. Thanks for having me. Oh, you're so welcome. Yay. All right. Hang on for me. Thank you so much for joining me today with my guest, Ozzy. If you have any questions or comments, please reach out to me at pineapplepinnoppod at gmail.com. You can reach me on my socials listed in the show description. And now I have a new Patreon if you'd like to join the community. And I will be adding photos and possibly at some point videos. That one hasn't been fully discussed, but possibly.