A talk about the talk with Tim

Transcript

Welcome to the Pineapple Pinup the Hot Wife Life podcast. On today's podcast, I'm going to talk to my husband. And it's an interesting conversation about some of the places that we've been, some of the conversations that we've had. And okay, everybody. Yay. I have my husband back with me today. Hello. Okay. So I'm getting a lot of questions about how to have the conversation and how to, um, structure it so that it might work. And I'm going to give it to you from my point of view.

And my husband's going to give it to you from his point of view, because it took a long time for it to work for us because we kept having the conversation and I wasn't hearing it right. Yeah, it was a more play because we have, or we had a lot of fantasy play that was just bedroom play and wasn't actual conversations. And so I think that when I was mentioning it to you, you assumed it was part of play. And so that was part of our evolution of communication, of making sure our intentions and what we were speaking about at that time was clear what we were doing. Right.

And I think that's a big, I think that's a big delineation. Um, it's okay to fantasize about something, but you have to take it outside of the bedroom in order to have the conversation, the emotional, vulnerable conversation. And one thing I keep saying is that you can't sell it to me. You can't tell me what it's doing, what it's going to do for me. You have to tell me what it's going to do for you, because I'm not going to get on board being selfish for myself. I'm going to get on board for something you find pleasurable that I know I will find pleasure from.

Yeah, it's about giving you something, giving you permission to allow your partner to grant you your wish. It basically gives you the okay, and then whatever benefit happens. But it's always an uncomfortable situation to come forward and say, I would only do this because it's good for me. It may be true, but doesn't mean it's comfortable to say. Right. But here's the thing that women are hearing when you come at them saying, oh, I think you deserve a bigger penis. I think you deserve more pleasure. I think you deserve more sex.

I think you deserve, it's great that you think I deserve that, but we're going to hear it that you're feeling insecure. We're going to hear it that you're not feeling like you're enough for us. And we're going to do everything in our power to alter that perception for you. We're going to sit there and we're going to be like, no, you're everything I need. You're everything I want. And we're going to double down on being monogamous with you. Oh yeah.

You're going to defend it to the death yeah and so because of the fact that we're going to hear it and be defensive about you you have to couch it more towards i get a great deal of pleasure thinking about watching you fuck someone else because when you have that conversation, when you say it, how it benefits you, the man, or you, the woman, if you're, if that's what you're looking for, I don't know that women are going to have the same trouble that men do when they have this conversation.

No, it's definitely a different approach because a man is not going to naturally think that you're manipulating so where a woman is going to instantly think that she's being manipulated it's pretty simple women are always on the hunt we're always on the hunt for that angle. What are you doing? Why are you doing this? Yeah. There's a lot more. There's a lot more why. Why are we doing this from a woman than there is for a man? Yeah. And it is because we're constantly looking for being manipulated.

It is because we're constantly trying to make sure that we have all of the information because the last thing you want to stumble into is a trap yeah absolutely because remember it's a trap it's a trap so yeah the i heard someone else say and i i thought it was really smart they said there's close on conversations and close off conversations um and that's really what it's what it's about is is the uh getting it out of the bedroom and down to the dining room table and having these conversations is probably step one right and then that gives you a chance to actually have a conversation where someone might think you're being honest yes i do think though that it is nice to soften the ground in the bedroom i think that it's nice to soften the ground towards the conversation by doing fantasy play that is just like you can watch the other person get really hot and watch the other person like really get into it.

And that, I think, actually helped us get to the point where we could have the close on conversation with more meaning. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. If you can't be honest in the bedroom during playtime, you're going to have a real hard time selling this. It's the level of intimacy and honesty that has to be in the relationship in advance of of all of these type of moves is it's pretty i mean it's this is this is no fucking around high level intimacy and it's high risk i think it's high reward from what we've seen so far, but it's high reward. It's really high reward.

And, and, you know, you're, you're playing in areas that are, are very, um, dangerous, especially when you're starting out because nobody knows what the reaction is going to be from either person until you're there exactly you could talk about it you could think about it you could watch porn about it you could do all that shit you can read reddit posts you can yeah and when the clothes come off and it's down to the nitty-gritty you know i mean we dabbled, we got in, we got back out because of panic. And, you know, it, you don't hit it unless you get lucky the first time the right way.

Initially, it's just got to be comfortable that it's high risk. And so you better make sure everything is pretty pretty on the level you know the way we jumped in we i had some life-changing things in my life it was life-changing things in your life absolutely and so you know there was other things but we're even at that time you and I at a position where it, it might not have been worth the risk. You know what I mean? At least in my mind, I, I, I probably would have, you're too, you're too valuable for me to risk. Right. Um, and our relationship was too valuable.

yeah that's that's what i'm basically that's what i'm trying to say and it was i'm just saying it goes both ways you were also very valuable to me yeah and it was it it at the end of the day though it's a leap of faith it's a leap of faith that i trust that you know how you feel yeah and it took a long time to do that. I mean, it literally came down to a conversation in the spa in which you literally said, are you sure this is what you want? And then I said, yes, but this is after 20 prior conversations. You know, there was a lot that went into it.

It wasn't like it was just, yeah, I said it and we is is it was there was a lot that went into it it wasn't like it was just yeah I said it and we went it was a lot of of me saying this is hot and you saying yeah and then a lot of me saying no no it's really hot and and then we'd walk away and then come back together a month later and then have the conversation again it was those are but i think that happens for everyone in different ways you know i mean it's it's a different it's a different thing um but you've also you've said on your podcast and and in communications you know you came in playing and doing things that were not considered the norm.

Um, I added some stuff to it. So we had even a very open situation for ourselves. Right. But if you're coming at it from the scratch, I think you have to lay all that groundwork. You do. To get there. Yeah, I think you have to have conversations to make sure that you guys are on the same page. Because here's the thing. A lot of people have a lot of things that they're going to have to overcome in order to get into the spirit. And if you're taking the time and you're building the groundwork, that's the only way that I think that you can save the marriage by even asking. Absolutely.

I think that that's something that when you're, when you have people from the outside that come in and I see most of those that do the, I mean, we've been doing this a while now. We've been, we've been playful since we started together. The, the level of excited, sexually excited, just you and I having a conversation is, it is just, I mean, just yesterday we were having a conversation and the level of excitement that I get just by talking to you about sexy things is very high.

And I would hope that anybody that's coming to you trying to prepare starts there because just the conversation is fucking hot yeah i mean it's it's hot to talk about intimate things like that you know i like this i don't like that to be able to just open up and let your hair down um things you're interested in things you want to try even if you don't do them just having that conversation on that intimate level is amazing and i hope that all people have the chance to experience that absolutely at some point because it doesn't happen very often um you know it doesn't happen very often i think we have a great relationship and there was years that years and years and years that you didn't say what you wanted you're right and and i did not until you know a few months ago right you know what i mean we still have things that were unpackaging and And then the evolution continues to happen.

We're like, well, we tried that and that was cool. And now I'm thinking of this. And those type of things. And we're still finding things that are vulnerable to us.

We're still finding things that it takes a second to actually get the conversation out and get the conversation rolling because we're just because we're learning a lot about communication doesn't mean that we've mastered it and doesn't mean that we're like 100 vulnerable all of the time we're still trying to walk the minefield of what because most of the time when you're walking a minefield, it's a minefield of your own fears and not a minefield of necessarily how the other person is going to react. Yeah. Yeah. It may have no basis in reality. That's the bottom line.

You've built it up and that's what it is. But it's, it's, I mean, it's still something you have to get through. I mean, we literally fight with that every day. Yeah, we do. Just five minutes before we started this, she and I were having a conversation where she wouldn't say what she wanted to talk about because she didn't want to say something that I didn't want to talk about. These are the battles of life, I think, of relationships. This is, this is what you do.

This is how, and the thing is, is that between the battles of life i think of relationships this is this is what you do this is how and the thing is is that between the two of us we have actually um gotten to the point where we're having the harder conversations and even harder conversations about normal everyday shit normal everyday shit and not just sexy talk we're also having the harder conversations that we need to do through life and i am grateful for the fact that we have come to this place where we can have these conversations but that doesn't mean that they're always fucking easy so if i ever make it sound like they're always fucking easy i'm lying yeah.

Yeah, it's definitely not easy. But I do feel like you and I are, um, because of the fact that we have started this process and we are evolving through the process, new things are coming to light and new fears are coming to light. And because those new fears are coming to light, we're having to have the more conversations, but we know that there's that layer of what we hold most valuable. Thank you. We're having to have more conversations, but we know that there's that layer of what we hold most valuable. And what we hold most valuable is the connection between us. Yeah, absolutely.

And making sure that this relationship remains. Yeah. And as long as you bring into it that, like, I'm not going to judge him for telling me something. I'm not going to judge him for, I'm not going to yuck his yum.

I'm not going to, and I'm going to have to, but there are certain things that we're going to have to sit on and talk about and go through the whole emotional process before I agree to it, before he agrees to um and the thing is is that i really enjoy the fact that we have new things to battle through new things to find our way through and i'm very can i just tell you i'm so fucking excited about this upcoming hotel takeover We have two of them. Yeah. And I'm so excited for both of them in different ways. Because one is going to be really educational. I'm going to classes.

I'm very excited about that. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm very excited to catch up on my sleep i'm sorry it will be very fun yeah but um so when we go to these hotel takeovers what is it that you're hoping for what is it what's the experience that you're looking for i guess in, I'm really looking forward to, uh, stepping into new realms. Um, I really like my dynamic is, uh, or my, my basis in this is I really like to see things that are exciting, especially for you, but things that are exciting. Um, it's why we go to the parties. It's why we do all those things. Um, there's a lot of sexual energy.

Absolutely. And anything that pushes, pushes myself and, and you outside of our norms, I've found that that is intriguing and motivating. So that's what I'm trying to do with this. And it was something you really wanted to do and try, which makes me extremely happy. Yeah.

So I, I, that's, that's what I'm hoping for is that it continues along and that we find something we like to do because these are things that are major um they don't happen very often you know maybe four times a year um not that we could afford four times a year but we could pick one or two and make it special um but it's out of the ordinary. It's new people, different people, different things to do. You know, I'm not, you know, maybe I'm not great at the classes. But I'm all new people, all new experiences, all a new place to be. I find that very exciting.

And then getting you excited makes me excited so absolutely that's what i'm hoping for and i'm really like the the one at the beginning of the month is more of a there's a lot of educational going into that one yeah but the one at the end of the month that's gonna be straight raw fucking yeah that's that's so much fucking yeah that's that's uh that's really a hot wife event and that's really our primary dynamic yeah um so that's where that focus is on and that's something i've heard on podcasts um that i listened to and it really intrigued me because Hot Wife is not a primary party thing.

So there's a lot of swinger parties, and the hotel parties we go to are technically Hot Wife events. But it's still, it's difficult to find that focus. And this gives us an opportunity to go to a hot wife event. That's what it is. Absolutely. It will be, I'm guessing, at least from what I've heard, what I've listened to, it'll be a lot of people that seem to be like me, not having met them yet, that have the same mindsets as And I, I haven't seen many people that way. So it'd be kind of interesting to see how other people do it, um, from my perspective.

And then it'll be a, uh, uh, hopefully a series of people that you want to spend time with. Absolutely. And you know how that does it for me so yeah that's what i'm that's what that one will be for me that one i'm really excited about because i'm actually going to meet my friend drew yeah the one i'm doing the other podcast we're going to meet we obviously met virtually but we're going to meet for real yeah and i'm very i'm very excited to like put a penis to a face. I bet. That's the way that it goes, you know? Well, if you're doing it right, yeah. Okay, so I did get a message from somebody.

I got a message from a listener, and I kind of wanted your take on it because I think it's, um, okay. Teresa, I'm a first time listener to the podcast of today. I've been really enjoying the, um, joining it as the husband half of a very vanilla couple. I want to be very adventurous and kinky and my wife is very unadadventurous. I marvel the things you and your husband have been able to do. The trust, the openness you guys have is nothing short of incredible.

In the podcast about your toys, you said we could hit you up with questions, and I've been trying to get my wife to use a dildo that's bigger than my penis for a long time. And she's very hesitant and I can't get her to explain why. We've had three beautiful children and she's very roomy at this point. And I think it could accommodate something larger very easily. I have been her only sexual experience and am averagely endowed. I really hope to see her expand her horizons and make her feel as much sexual pleasure as I can with a dildo or cock sleeve.

I know my own equipment is somewhat lacking in this endeavor. And that is why I'm so obsessed. Any thoughts on how to calm her down and get her interested in the scenario? How did your husband talk you into using something larger than him? And did you have any hesitation? How would you describe when you were using a bigger dildo or penis with your husband? And is it way better or just different? I'm kind of obsessed about size. And at this point, I'm really hoping I can open my wife's eyes to what she's been missing. Thank you in advance for your thoughts.

Well, first of all, finding ones bigger than me is just buying anything at the store. That's where I'd start. Okay. First of all, whatever.

Anyway, you're killing me okay so first of all when i came into this marriage i came in with a toy chest yeah that's true that's true i came in with my own like like i would you say i was the kinkier of the two of us probably yeah probably but i like shopping so that's kind of like my entertainment a lot of time so i took it i took it up a level but yeah you you didn't have a problem bringing in to the relationship that you had toys and vibrators and and i was into all that so yeah that was great for me that that is probably where we're not going to be able to be of much help no no i i think i again when you when you're going through what you just read that was um in that was a lot of salesmanship happening there of saying how what I, what, what I really want is for you to enjoy these things because you're missing them.

And it puts her in a very vulnerable, vulnerable position to say, yeah, you do suck. That's a good way to, you know, in, in today's world, as, as everybody has, you know, is speaking more frankly, bottom line for a woman, that's tantamount to getting, you know, if you're with the wrong person, physically abused. So her nature is going to be, no matter what, fight that statement you just made.

So let let's start with that is that should not be where the statement is started because she can't she can't say yes she can't there's no there's no good way for a woman to say yes you're not enough yeah the other thing that i will say is you're not not enough exactly The other part is you're doing your, the thing is, is that as long as there's intimacy and as long as there's that relationship and as long as there's that sexual connection, you are going to be enough.

So what, what you're, what you're fighting for is you're fighting for an experience that you have built in your mind that is going to be outrageously awesome, that is going to provide her more pleasure than you're able, than you think you're able to provide her.

So what you're trying to do is you're trying to up your arousal by presenting more yeah by adding another layer by giving her uh like variation yeah which is fucking awesome but you need to you need to tell her this is about i think it would be so fucking hot to use a toy on you and then tell her what it's going what you're what you're visualizing it's going to look like that i want to actually see it sliding in and out you got to use all of your words all of them they they literally you have to you're going to feel stupid but you're not you you need to you're going to feel dirty but you're not this.

This is part of intimate conversations. And I got to tell you, from a woman's point of view, we're going to hear the words and it's going to be hot. It's going to be fucking hot as hell for you to say things like, I want to watch that cock slide in and out of you. I want to see that cream built up around On the outside of it. I want to see the contractions when you come. I want to. I want to watch that cock slide in and out of you. I want to see that cream built up around the outside of it. I want to see the contractions when you come. I want to watch the whole thing.

All the things I can never see. Because when you're pelvis to pelvis, there's some things you're missing. Yes, absolutely. You don't ever have that perspective. And I've had it now the other way. And let me tell you, it is pretty fucking hot to watch for sure. Um, but, but that's, you got to change your, that what I would say is the way that was written, the message was written. You just got to change a perspective and getting that to happen.

Even if, even if she is uncomfortable in her skin, um, at this time, it is not going to take, it's not going to take massive work to get her to expand that once she knows that it's going to make you feel good. Um, because I guarantee you that a big piece of what's going on is that she simply, she can't react positively to the way in which you're posing that. And my guess is when you're writing it that way, that's most likely We'll be right back.

she can't react positively to the way in which you're posing that and my guess is when you're writing it that way that's most likely how you're acting it as well because what you're writing usually comes out from your true actions and so I think that I think for this particular emailer the next step on this journey on this particular journey to just get into different toys is a step that's easy to take in my opinion absolutely and you know what if she's not necessarily into the dildos let's start with a vibrator let's start with a hitachi wand absolutely let's start with something where you can build it because use it while you're use the wand while you're fucking that's a lot of people i was really surprised that doesn't happen because frankly i've i've always thought that and or that's always been something because why not make it better i mean mean, if it's good, that's great.

What about better? Like if it's, you know, if it's a brownie, why not a brownie with ice cream? That's the, at least in those areas, I think that's a place that you can truly just start to expand and you can level up.

I honestly think that particular one is something that would be easy to get into yeah and a vibrating cock ring just you know even something small something that isn't like just break the ice with the toy conversation because clitoral stimulation is absolutely especially when you've got like when you're going full bore at me and i have that fucking wand i am like it's hot when one of the two partners goes out and gets things at times absolutely it's just saying you know this is know, this is what I'm bringing. It's a present for both of us. It's, it's a, an approach that works as well. Yeah.

I mean, Tim is so great at buying things for me in that realm all the time.

Like he is actually, he's really great about all the things when it comes to buying me things but um he's really great about putting a little bit of time browsing the sites he's much better at it than i am because i get in there and i get all like i don't know and he's like no this is click you know yeah so for me he's the much better half of this for the shopping part no for all parts come on man because let's be frank these are conversations that are hard because you are it's men talking to women and i don't know how often you have to talk to women yeah our conversation styles are different our motivations behind our conversations are different and who we're trying to protect is different yeah bottom line absolutely And so every conversation is about, um, give and take and when intimacy is about laying yourself vulnerable to attack.

And if you're, if your primary goal in our conversation is to protect somebody from that vulnerability, then it's not going to work. So only talk about it from what it's giving to you as a, as a starting point. Start with what you're, what you hope to feel. A hundred percent. Yes.

I would not, I would not get into what it makes you feel at all that will come right in the conversation torque or arc yeah um that will come as part of it um but the what you have to 100 do it as what it is that it will do for you to watch to touch to feel to all those other things i think the vibrating cock ring is a phenomenal starting point. They're $5 and it's technically a cock ring, which helps you. Um, and then you can go from there. I think that's a, that was an excellent point on that. Cause we started there a long time ago for sure.

Absolutely because and it's it's not adding so much extra stuff into the mix it's literally something that's just going to vibrate against it's really good for um deep um close fucking um whereas if you want to get a lot of power behind it that's when the wand comes in super handy yeah so it just depends on the angle the angle of attack absolutely always does that's so true that's so true well i hope that helps i hope that does i really hope that um we have given you some insight on that one but thank you baby for joining me Thank you.

well I hope that helps I hope that does I really hope that um we have given you some insight on that one but thank you baby for joining me and yay thank you for joining me today on the pineapple pin up the hot wife life podcast if you have any questions or want any answers or want to talk about a specific subject or anything like that hit me up at pineapple pinup pod at gmail.com all of my socials are listed in the show description and of course you can always hit up my patreon if you'd like to support the show description.

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