Krazy Truth about Swinging #350 Are you a participant or just an observer?

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey, you crazy motherfuckers. Welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth About Swinging. I'm the host with the most and Bell's quality. I'm Cole. I'm here with the lovely, lovely Miss Amanda, who's going to do most of the talking tonight. Am I? It would help. It'd be nice. It would help. It'd be a neat change for me not to babble through the whole thing. Blown out like I'm playing the trumpet. On the half side, one side, one side. Anywho, Season 8, Episode 350. Because everything's got lots of fucking F's with it. That's my life. I might do what I say that again. No. Episode 350. We're here to handle it too late and otherwise just amuse and entertain ourselves. It's what we fucking do. Shout out to our sponsors. I'll go and do that part. ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. If you want to know what's going on in the adult world as well as the lifestyle, check them out today. It is now a subscription magazine, so get your subscription at ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. Motor Bunny, don't trust your sex life and sex toys to just anybody. Have a name brand that you fuck off. Have a name brand that you can trust and depend on MotorBunny.com, whether it's one of the The Buck or some of their new handheld toys as well. Check them out today. MotorBuddy.com. Click on the links on our websites. You get a discount. It's true. Absolutely. And Discrete and Dirty CO. That is absolutely. If you want new cute shirts, themes for your event, outing or whatnot, custom designs are welcome. Quality products, quality prices, DiscreteAndDirtyCO.com. Check it out today. There you go. Okay, so to fill everybody in on the past couple weeks, was it on a Tuesday or was it a Monday? It was a Monday. Okay, so two weeks ago yesterday, we took him to, well, the doctor just wouldn't just see him. We had to go to the ER. And what they have deemed as Bell's palsy on the opposite side of his face from when he had it, March. And how often is it to have it more than once? Five to 15% of people have it more than once. How many have it twice in one year? They don't know. Congratulations. Here we go. And it was right before. It was the Monday before I was supposed to have my other hand surgery done. Yeah. I had my hand done in October. And I was supposed to have my other hand done. And now we haven't done that. So. Yeah. So it's been quite the whirlwind this time. It actually has affected you worse than it did the last time. Substantially worse this time around. So. And it's causing a lot of pain and whatnot. It's a unique thing because I'm still doing Santa gigs. So it's keeping me entertained with that as well. Don't smile. Yeah, can't smile. I have to make other faces with the kids. And Fs tend to be the hardest things. And when you say fuck a lot, it's often you get to fucking deal with that shit. So yeah, there you go. But trudging forward because, you know, the show must go on. That's what we do. And I'm pretty sure that they don't know what causes it, like, technically. There's like a whole slew of things that it could be. And I think one of them is stress. We have no idea. I'm not buying that shit. Anyways, so... Ooh, I am. Yeah, so we're just... They have facial features with facial hair, so it covers shit up nicely. Anyway, so yeah. So hopefully Amanda will do most of talking tonight. I know she won't, but in theory, she'll do more talking than normal. Oh, I'll try to do more talking than normal. That would be awesome. You don't sound that bad. No, but you know what I find is when I talk a lot, then it causes my jaw to hurt even more. Oh. Not that it'll stop me, because it never does. Wait, so does that mean in general it'll stop you from talking more? Oh, my God. I have to fix it if I break it. I'm not going to hit you with my good hand. He doesn't hit me. Only on the weekends. He always talks a good game. Not really. He's not talking a good game at all right now. I'm kind of fuffling around. Here we go is what we're doing. Just saying. Oh, we love you. No one's going to pick on you. She just went and got Botox today. I didn't have to on half my face. That is true. That is true. I have a headache though. And when he blinks, only one eye closes. Yeah, it's my lizard impersonation. I feel like the goat when they let go. My tongue's out of control. It's going to be awesome. It is, honey. Tiffany, you're going to be so fun for this. Yeah. Your tongue doesn't go. Your lip dips down. There's probably so much food, how many times when you eat, you know, but your tongue doesn't reach all the way down there, so you're flishing it out like you got fucking chewing. And he walks around with a hanky to wipe slobber. Like a fucking St. Bernard. It's awesome. Just saying. He's being a good spirit about it, can you tell? I am. I haven't killed anybody. Do you want him? That takes plausible deniability away. Anyways, all right. Go. What do you want to talk about? Fucking. Anyway. Don't act like we've talked about it and I know what it is. I've just forgotten. Have we? You don't even know if we've talked about it. Well, I said something about that should be a podcast, but then decided no. Because we were talking about another person's podcast. So, no. So, the interesting part of so much things going on is that, obviously, everybody knows we have the radio station. It's about radio. And it's interesting because after we've been doing the show now because this is the eighth year. That's a long time. We're coming to the end of the eighth season. Like we're like probably, I don't know, six shows. Six shows from the end because we usually end right before the new year. So we're like six shows from the end. Oh, because I remember the first season having a Christmas party and being drunk off my ass. Yeah, we had a drinking show. But, you know, so it's interesting because over the course of time, How do you... One, not a lot of shows go as long as ours. So like on Full Swap Radio, or as otherwise known as Full Swap Radio... You just have to talk slower. There's only one other show that's been going as long as ours on the station. It's actually been going about a year longer, which is by the by, folks out of Canada. And the interesting challenge is... the questions that newbies have hasn't really changed from when we first started this eight years ago. But what happens, we get tired of doing the same thing over and over again. I mean, we could do the same thing over and over. We could, we could, but that's, that's the, because I've sat and looked at our show. We've talked a lot about, you know, what do we do with the show? Every show has a shelf life. And it's like, what do we do with the show? that's one of the challenges, is that it's not that the questions have changed, or it's not that people weren't listening, you know, seven, eight years ago. It's those people that were newbies that aren't newbies, if they're still in the lifestyle, obviously. And so the challenge becomes, as people putting on the information, how do you keep making it fresh and original and new? Because the reality is, is if you teach the same subject over and over again. After time, it gets mundane. Well, I mean, if you have newbies. It doesn't change us because we're not newbies. We're not as excited about it. So after the 18,000th time, we've done 350 shows. Up until the last season and a half, we never missed a week. We actually went six and a half seasons where we never missed a week. And then on our seventh season, We missed like two weeks total. So we went almost, we went seven years with like maybe three repeats during that whole time frame. That included traveling and everything. So it becomes unique because your excitement level, your enthusiasm to talk about certain subjects has changed. And why I bring all this up is the interesting part of the lifestyle is that your adventure in the lifestyle is the exact same thing. The lifestyle itself, what the lifestyle is, hasn't changed no matter how long you've been in this. Right? If you've been a swinger for the last 30 years, the lifestyle and what it is has not changed. It's sex. It's sex. Exactly. Now, how you get to the sex or how you... Find people. Find people. Exactly. How you find people. How you initiate conversation, how, because, you know, let's face it. Type of events. You know, we've talked to people who started off with mail, mailing ads at the back of a magazine. We've talked, you know, then it went to online, but not completely online because you still met people in person. Then it went to just online. Yeah, absolutely. And then it's like, okay, so it's, it's changed that way. And then society's changed it too. Yeah, it went from being a dirty secret in the back of magazines in the dirty section of gas stations to mainstream websites. So you drive down, when you go to an Exotica, and soon for a crazy winter night, not this year, but next year, crazy winter nights, you'll see the billboards up in the cities. That's a huge difference. The events have went from, it was small gatherings, house party, I mean, go way back, key parties, and things because, If you finally got together, you just fucked. There was no picky choosies. Like, hey, you've got a dick. Hey, you've got a pussy. Hey, we're going to fuck. Fuck you. Yeah, because it was like what the one guy would talk about when he used to write letters in the back of a magazine. And he goes, by the time you spent months communicating by letter, you finally, when you finally got to hook up, you just did it anyway because you had so much time invested. Even pictures. Even if the pictures didn't look like it's like, fuck it, we're finally here, we're going to screw. That's, you know, and to, then it went to, you know, like small, it was house parties. Again, super low key house parties. Meet and, there weren't, there weren't, when we first started, meet and greets were not common at just vanilla places. No, not vanilla places. They weren't, you know, and, and definitely you did not fucking have, you did not have hotel takeovers and definitely not big hotel takeovers or what now would be considered super events, right? Let alone multi-year, multi-day. You can credit Naughty in New Orleans, which is their 11th, 12th year. We're one of them. We were the first ones in the Midwest to do multiple-day events. And it's changed so incredibly much on all those things. But the lifestyle, the true break-it-down-to-the-bare bones of the lifestyle has not changed. And I think I bring that up because one of the One of the unique aspects of this is that people go, oh, it's so different now. But it's really, really not. And there's a need to go back to somewhat of the core basis of the lifestyle. Like, what's the core of the lifestyle? Consent, respect, right? Open-mindedness, discretion. Do you know how long it's been since I had a math class? Almost 40 years, you old bat. Not quite 40. But here's the challenge I put to people. 36 maybe? It's the same thing in the lifestyle. We break all the rest of this shit down. Take away the fluff of a super event. Take away the noise and confusion of the internet and social media. Take away all the different branches that have now started to come together. Because back in the day, it was, you know, meet and beat group, you know, the fuck anybody swingers, the poly people. Take it all away. Take all the noise and go back to the very fucking basics, which is talk to people. Hey, you look cool. Hey, I think I'd like to fuck you. Hey, let's talk. Because if we can get back to that aspect of the life The lifestyle has the potential to have a completely different, exciting outcome than maybe you've experienced in years. You know, and it's going to put on super events. It's like if you can come to crazy water nights, don't let all the fucking side things, you know, distract you. When you look across the room and you just like when you first started, you go, That chick's hot. That dude's hot. And go up and talk to him. Yeah, but it still takes balls. Right, it still takes balls, but it also, but that's the, all the fluff shit doesn't make the courage happen. You're exactly right. It still takes the effort. See, that's the part of the lifestyle to me that when I was thinking about how much it's change in this whole thought process I had with this show. Is that what is... Because there is something missing in the lifestyle right now. I truly believe there's something missing. I spent a lot of time this last week listening to other shows. And a lot of the other shows were newer Rebo, doing newer shows. And I couldn't help but think how much they missed the mark. And then I went back and listened to some of my old, our old shows. Okay? And we missed it too. It's not about confidence. It's not about looks. It's not about themes. It's not about effort. What are you looking for there, Pumpkin? A pen. Do you have a pen? Probably. Somewhere. Then don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Well, no, I'm better. And I'm just sitting there going, I'll find one. I don't think it bug you to find a pen. It's truly, though, about the effort. And here's the question. What is the effort? What does that look like when I say effort? So, you know, when I say that to you, what do you think that means? Putting in effort? Yeah, what do you want? Yeah, expand upon that. Remember, you were going to talk some. I was going to talk some because I wasn't listening at that part. It all takes effort. Whether it's talking to people. Actually, that's my hardest one. Believe it or not. He leaves me hanging. I don't like that. I really don't. He left me by myself. Because it drove him nuts and he went and got a damn pen. Seriously, you grabbed a pen. Yeah. So what did you answer? That it all takes effort. No, Jackie. No. Yes. No, I didn't hear the actual question leading up to it. Or statement leading up to it. Because you were looking for pins. I was looking for pins. I was distracted. What the question is, is that when I say effort, what do you think of? Talking to people. Meeting people. Putting myself out there. Well, yeah. I mean, there's not a right or wrong. No, that's just what it is, because that's my hardest struggle. My hardest struggle is to see a guy that I think is attractive and walk up to him and say, hey. And honestly, I don't even think you have to put that much effort into it. I stared at a guy at KWN, and I stared at him every time he walked by. Okay, well, one. I directed him to where the gym was. One, KWN doesn't, yeah, I know who it was, he was from Texas, and I had to say he would touch his dick. I know, but I'm not going to walk up and just touch some guy's dick. Well, you shouldn't, because you need consent. The thing is, is that it's, it's, the effort is to, to pry yourself, in my opinion, away from the fucking wall. We take and have, as people, we sink into, we, we blend in. We, we try to blend into shit. And it's like, force yourself to, And, uh, and, and, uh, seriously. Read what they say, why gather my fucking fluffy thoughts. Putting yourself out there and interacting, not sitting back and just waiting for people to come up to you. It's a big one. It's a huge one. It takes getting out of your comfort zone. That is effort. Coming from the person that meets Well, part of it... The challenge with an event is you have to make the mental decision whether or not you are going to be an observer or a participant. That's the first step of the effort, in my opinion. Like, you have to mentally decide, I am going to be You don't have to say a fucking word to be engaged. Okay. You really don't. You can walk up. Okay, think about me for a second, right? When I get to talking, what do I do? I draw a crowd. You do. And then what do I do with that crowd? You get them to interact and laugh. I engage the entire crowd. If I see somebody standing by the crowd, I step back to expand the circle to expand it, to get them in. to stand. It takes a willingness to understand your role. And that's the effort. It takes zero effort to be an observer on a social media group. None. I'm just going to sit there and watch everything. Neat. You have to choose to be a participant. Does that mean you have to post all the time? Nope. Does that mean you have to comment on everything? Nope. Does that mean you have to be lead the charge with games and pictures and whatever. Nope. But it means you have to go ahead and click a like button. It means you have to take and read and be active in terms of actually watching on the page. So when there's something you do feel comfortable in, you jump all over it. If you'll take that little bit of effort, 90% of the amount of sex that you get will, will, you'll double it. If you get laid once a fucking year at a swinger event and you actually become a participant versus as an observer, you will for sure at least get laid twice in a year. And that's all it takes. And that's all it takes. Oh, Cole, you don't want in anywhere? I think that's the fucking truth. You gotta read. I can't read. Or hanging around the same people at every party slash event. Summon the courage to introduce yourself to someone new. Exactly. Here's what's so great about lifestyle events. You're shy. Yeah. Every fucking couple. No, not every couple. Take that back. 95% of couples that over the last 15 years that we have fucked, the chick was just like me, outgoing as fuck. And the dude was just like you, quiet as fuck. Yeah. So what does that tell you? It tells you you don't have to actively engage. If you stand there, you have a 50% shot of running into somebody that's just like me that's going to engage you. But if you're standing back in the corner or you're an observer, I'm not going to go find you, even at my own event. If you're at my event and I see that, I'm going to walk by and go, oh, come here. Hey. I'm going to, hey, how are you doing? Are you having a good time? Are you having fun? Awesome. So good. Thanks for coming. And I'm going to keep right on blowing by. And that's because I'm the fucking host. But if you're in my circle, when I'm telling a story, I'm going to engage you. And then, if I think you're hot and I want to fuck you, whether because you're hot or maybe batshit crazy, whatever works. Tongue dust down the throat. Pretty much, ask anybody who's stood in my circle to watch. Because once I gauge in, once I spot somebody, you can be shy as fuck. But if I'm interested, I'm outgoing. I'm going to come up to you. And all it took was not being an observer. It was just participating. What's the next one? Okay. If you're new to the lifestyle, the effort is there until you enter the event. Then the effort is to overcome the fear of something new. And I agree with that to a degree. But as I get older, the scariest part of the lifestyle, honestly, It's choosing to show up. Once you walk through that door, you did the hardest part. Seriously. You did it. You accomplished it. The hardest, the scariest part is to look at your spouse, your significant other, and say, I really want to fuck somebody else. Or to hear, I really want to fuck somebody else. Once you get through that, what the fuck else is scary? We go to the grocery store that we don't know people, we go to the shopping centers, we go to movies, we go to parks, we go to concerts. Yeah, but you're not trying to fuck all of them. And you know what? What are you not supposed to be doing in an event? You're not supposed to be trying to do what you're supposed to be trying to have fun. That's all you're supposed to do. See, that's the other thing that goes back to the old school way. If you go into an event and you choose to be a participant and not an observer, When you choose to take and go in with zero expectations, like you're supposed to, put me in a bar. You can drop me in any city, anywhere in the country, right now, and I can find a place to have fun. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. And the scariest part of most of the bars are going to be for me to initially walk in. After that. But it's not that it's not that it's not valid fear. that we met again so this whole this whole thing this time around is about mental because we mentally choose to observe or participate the fears that we have are the ones that we put in ourselves if you're going in with zero it if you're going in and no one talks to you no one talks to you What's the consequences of that? What's the consequences of the first time going into an event and nobody talks to you? You've never done it before. You don't even know what the fuck you're missing. In fact, you're scared as fuck that someone might actually want to fuck you. Because if they fuck you, that's a whole new thing. It's like, oh shit, then we're going to be naked with each other. Right? So seriously, honestly, the biggest relief is, fuck, I didn't get laid. Fuck, I didn't get laid. I mean, that's the truth. We get ourselves psyched up for shit that's not real. And I'll see porn changes that. Well, time changes that. Okay, time changes that. Because here's how I know this is true. Larry, great example. Larry is, Larry, would you say you're also a nudist? I already know the answer. Larry knows the answer to that. Yes, he is. And we know lots of people that are nudists. Beth is a nudist. Were you nervous the first time you went to a swinger event? You sure as fuck were, and you're not afraid to be naked. That is a comfort. You're comfortable being naked. The hardest, the biggest fear that we have is walking through the door. And it's so funny because what we do is we minimize a legitimate fear of taking this step to explore this whole new world. socially unaccepted dirty oh my god out there world that goes against every norm and value we've ever been taught our entire lives we minimize that fear and then we are afraid that no one's going to talk to us when we get in there that no one that we know so oh my god i'm going to walk into a room that i know no one and none of them are going to talk to me actually and that scares us i'll back up i'll back you up okay actually Probably your biggest fear of walking into an event the first time is actually being someone in there that you know. Yeah. Yeah. Which makes it even funnier. The biggest fear is... Well, because then that makes it awkward. The biggest fear... Think about it. Because we don't think about this stuff as we process it. We'll say our biggest fear is that no one will talk to us when reality is the biggest fear is someone will know us and talk to us so we'd have a comfort level. Mm-hmm. Think it through. Let it hit. Let it sink in. Because I think of the first event that we went to. Jeff Tubbs. We didn't know anybody and you ran into somebody you worked with. Jeff Tubbs. And you're like, oh, fuck. And the first thing he said to me was, sweet, I always wanted to fuck your wife. The thing is, but that's what's, there's the irony of it. What do we, what do we need? We're social creatures. We need social interaction. We want to feel part of a group. There's safety. I know you, you know me, we can be scared together. And our fear is, oh my God, there's somebody that will fulfill that very need. The biggest fear is making the decision to walk, to take a step into that lifestyle. Because we all know the truth. Can't unsuck that dick, right? Once you walk through that door, when you and I walk through that door the first time, there's no way to be able to say, well, I was just kidding about that whole wonderful kind of people thing. Me too. No, we weren't. You know what I mean? Go ahead. I'm okay being nude around people I know. The fear about being around others is to be judged by them because already judged myself. Having a much smaller dick than you, I'm... No, that's... It's not necessarily about dick size. No, it's not. And that's completely legitimate. It's just, I think that... Okay, when you shoot pool, there's the saying, take your ducks in a row. Right? And what that means, you know what that means is, take your easiest shots. Don't start with the hardest fucking trick shot. Take the easiest, just take your ducks in a row. It's the same with the lifestyle. Number one, make the decision, you're going to go in. We're going. Tackle that fear. Own it. I'm terrified we're going to do this. Oh my God, we're going to do this. Funny story. We were getting ready to go to our first swinging event. activity. It was a meet and greet at a bar, but it was a what? Nope. It was a meet and greet. Nope. Sure wasn't. What was our first thing? Our very first thing was a fucking nightmare with the first couple in Omaha. And we were playing cards with the kids before we went, and I was trying to drink a beer, and I was shaking. Couldn't even drink the beer. I was shaking so fucking bad. Yep. So acknowledge that, oh my God, we're doing this. Yep. And acknowledge the fair deal with the fair. Yep. That's your first fear. The next fear is choosing to be an observer or being a participant. Make the decision. Once you've made the decision to go in, don't choose to only pseudo go in. If you stand at the door and half your body's in the event and half of it's outside, you still went to the fucking event. So once you've chosen to go in, go ahead and choose to be a participant. Because otherwise you're trying to do half and half. It doesn't escape you. Deal with that fear. Then, take the next fear. Oh my God, you might know somebody. What do we do? Legitimate. Okay, great. We didn't even think that was going to happen. It just happened. It was like, oh shit. 99% of people don't, that's not a real fear. It's running into people, you know? It's just when it happens, you're like, oh shit. What it is, is Pink Floyd. Mama will put all of her fears into you. You know how many people actually, when they're making decisions, when they're having the conversation I want somebody else's pussy and you want somebody else's dick. Actually think about the fact that they're going to run into a family member, a friend, somebody from church. Dear Lord, what would Jesus do? Apparently suck their dick. You know, fucking a co-worker never enters their mind. The only reason that fear is out there is because everybody tells them, well, you know, go on to Wolf Swap Radio and start listening to the shows. Biggest fear is you're going to run into somebody you know. you didn't even think of that as a fucking fear. You want to know what you should think of as a fear at a camp out for swingers? Have you thought about the fear of tetanus? Seriously, have you thought about the fear of walking through the camper and stepping on a rusty spike or nailed by a tent? Well, fuck no, you haven't. Is it a real thing that could happen? Fuck yes, it is. Have you thought of it? No. So are you afraid of it? No. How many people, if you think back, if you're listening and you think back, in your early conversations with this. You were like, now... What are we going to do if I rented my cousin and his wife there? How did that... But the first time you heard somebody say it, either on a show or in a... Great, so I planted it in somebody's head. We all... No, we all have done it because we were too stupid to know that's what was going on. Do you know how many people's wig concern... I see this all the time in like Full Swap 101. and all the other. I'm terrified of STDs. Bull fucking shit. Bullshit. Completely. If you're over the age of fucking 40 and you have a dick, you are no more concerned about STDs because you weren't, condoms when we were kids were not about not getting fucking herpes or the fucking gonorrhea was about not knocking a bitch up. And at our age, that's your first fucking thought. Do you know why you think of STDs? Because that seed's been planted. Because you know what? The only reason most people put condoms only on their fucking profiles is because they're reading what everybody else is putting. If everybody else put dildos included. What else is doing? Put dildos included. Must wear a strap on. Apparently must wear a strap on. It's the exact same. It's the exact same thing. So by the time we finally get to the event. or whatever the act two, whatever it's going to be. We are so fucking afraid of being a participant because of all these fucking bogus bullshit fears that we didn't even think of. They're not ours. They're not ours. They're everybody else's that we think we're supposed to have. If you don't believe me right now, watch, think back to the first event you went that had a theme. And think about how you dressed to go to it. Or how you had your wife dressed to go to it. I thought it was prim and proper the first Halloween party. You were. And you were sitting there going, all these people looked and acted. It was so easy to see how many people were actually comfortable in their slutty little maid or whatever outfits. Zero. Fucking zero. Like ten. I'll give you that. I'm sorry, 10 people. If you don't believe me, go to a porn shoot. Because at a porn shoot or an exotica or those, you're going to see people that are comfortable walking around high heels, thongs, basically fucking naked. You're going to see people that are legitimately comfortable. Now go to a swinger event and look around at the newbies and look at them and see how many are actually comfortable. They're doing it because they think that's what you have to do. That's why. So why did they do that? Because they heard they were supposed to. We didn't hear that. So we didn't know. So we didn't hear that. Shit, I didn't know what to wear at first event. I don't remember what I wore at first meet and greet thing that we went to. And we didn't have anybody to ask. We stood in the car terrified. We smoked a pack of cigarettes between the two of us. We smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. Why were we so scared to go in? Because we got there early. It was our first one. It was the first meet and greet. We didn't know if a meet and greet turned into a wild ass orgy. Because where did we go? our information, the internet. Porn is not a great place to get your information on what swingers are really like. Right? And we all know that now. And it's kind of funny. I just remember being scared to death to walk in. You thought we were in a gunfight. Well, we even took off and drove around the blocks running cars there. And almost didn't go. And we went in. We found a table where our backs were against the wall so no one could sneak up on us. Why? And that's the reality of the lifestyle is that if we can get back, if we can get to an honest discussion and back to a realistic basis and basics of the lifestyle, it can be so much better. Back to the guy that told us they used to do it via snail mail. You know what? They didn't have. After four months of having made the decision, we're going to do this, and you sent that first letter, by the time you finally started to get to the point of fucking, you weren't afraid of anything. You were just so fucking horny, you didn't fucking care. You had made the decision to do it, and you had ramped up. You had already worked through the fears, and you didn't have a million people feeding you with other bullshit fears. And it's not that people are doing it to be mean, because they're not. It's because it was what was done to them. This is like that concept of, well, you know, my great granddad, his dad beat him. So then my great granddad beat my granddad. Okay. When do you stop the chain? Right. And what, what swingers do while, you know, nothing worse than running into somebody, you know, excellent, excellent choice. Let's start. Let's start there. Well, you know, STDs run rampant. Why don't we get to the passive part of where you're going to be a participant and then we'll worry about the other parts of it. Let's get you engaged so you'll talk to them. No one has ever gotten the hiv from talking to somebody. They've proven that. Like, you will not get gonorrhea of the throat, vag, or ass by talking to somebody. Won't fucking happen at all. Scientific proof is not going to happen. Don't spit. Yeah, I mean, it's like, let's take our ducks in a row and let's talk about our realistically. Let's talk about the realistic fears and concerns we have when we say, I think I want to have sex with other people. That's a realistic conversation. That's a realistic fear. But let's work through that all the way through. And then we can tackle all the imaginary ones later. Once we figure that out, then we can figure out what we're going to do if Snuffleupagus is there or any of the other imaginary friends that show up. Oh my God, my imaginary friend's there. He's a swinger too. Take our ducks in a row. It's one of those things. Don't say anything. I'm doing all the talking. I wasn't going to talk anymore. No, you just have this flow and you always think of things at the top of your... It just flows right out of you. You just have it in you. You just in this like... Well, besides that, everybody knows that you've done speech, you know, majority of your child, you know, your youth. But so you come up with impromptu shit and you just verbally vomit. it at all. I can't help it. I have nothing to interject. I feel like an idiot talking. Well, you're calling me out for putting a fear to somebody. Great. No. I'll plant your fears. What other fears would you like? Here's the reality. We've all done it. Eventually, the fear of going to an event. I have more of a fear now, 15 years into it, of going to an event and no one talking to me now than I ever did then. Really? Right. And the reason why is now people know me. So now if they won't talk to me, there's a reason. Right. Because you stink. Could be. It could be. It could be because I'm drooling all over myself. Maybe I hate beards. But now there's a reason. Right. And so that fear is more. It's a thought out justified fear. Okay. So when we go to a different state. We don't know anybody. And we go into the club. Hate it. I hate it. And I have to remind myself continuously to not be an observer. It's a running battle. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. It is super easy for me to justify being an observer. Okay, Larry and Brendan have been with us in Vegas. They've seen me do it in Vegas. At my own fucking event. They've seen me do it. And I justify it. I can justify it just like that. You know how I justify it? Well, I'm just kind of watching things. I'm learning a lot for other future events. Sounds legitimate, doesn't it? It's complete and total fucking bullshit. What it is, is that I am absolutely terrorized that I don't measure up, whether it be I'm not feeling like I look good enough, whether I don't feel like, you know, whatever the case may be. I'm absolutely terrorized with it. The reality is, as I get older, the battle to not take the easy way out on fears is way more. Way more than it ever was as a kid. Not as a kid, as younger in this lifestyle. Right. Because it's easy to justify it. What'd you say? See, for us, the basics of the lifestyle is sex. We join the lifestyle to have sex with others. That doesn't happen if you don't engage with others. Slut. No, and, but see, right there, that's the perfect, that's the perfect answer. They have identified what they want out of the lifestyle. And they're not letting the outside noise or influence. and they understand, Larry and Brenda understand, to achieve this goal, you have to do X, Y, Z, which means, and watching, I'm telling you, if you come to a CASM event and meet Larry and Brenda, we'll introduce you to them. Because when you watch them engage, I don't know if they're ever nervous or not. I'm sure they are. They're human. But they overcome that fear and go forward. Because this is what they want to get out of the lifestyle. And it's a great example. And honestly, there are times, and this is not anything with them, but there are times that intimidates me, especially when I'm feeling iffy because I'm like, I wish I could be that outgoing. Well, I could. I can. It's a choice. And it also empowers me because I get, Larry and I are really good friends, and Brendan and Larry are all good friends, so I get courage. from that also. And that's okay. It's okay to sometimes feel it and sometimes not. That's totally acceptable and totally an okay thing to have happen, right? But you have to acknowledge it afterwards and admit where you were. You can't choose to be somewhere and have chosen that night for whatever reason. to be an observer and then be pissed at the outcome of the evening. You chose it. No one chooses. You can still, now, maybe you didn't get everything you want, maybe you saw a girl you really wish you could have fucked, and maybe that didn't happen, but it doesn't mean you couldn't have a good time, met somebody, maybe for a future, whatever the case may be. See, I think, for me, it's easier to do one-on-one conversations with people, whether it's talking online and meeting in person, it's easier to engage and move forward with sex that way than it is for me to go to a party and meet somebody and go, okay, let's go fuck. I can see that. And that, do you think that has changed through the years or do you think that that's always been that way for you? And I'm only, not that there's a right or wrong, I'm just asking just out of curiosity. No, I think it's always been that way. Because if you're talking with somebody, online or text message or whatever the case may be. You're talking to them that way. Then when you meet them in person, it's already pretty much understood that if you're meeting a person, it's going to lead to sex. Whereas you go to a vent, you might talk to somebody, you might not talk to anybody. Yep. Yep, I can see that. You can talk to somebody and they're not interested at all. But the one guy I did go up to at an event, because I thought he was hot and I wanted to fuck him, he's like, oh, you're a little older than what I've been looking for. It's okay. So it's like getting shot down. Which is part of life. Okay, so I'm going to back you up. Don't put fears in people. It's okay to be shot down. It is okay to be shot down. No. It's not. You can't say it like with a question mark at the end. The reality that people have to start figuring out in the lifestyle is it is okay. No, I didn't say that. No. And that's okay, too. It burned me, but I got over it. It hurts. It fucking hurts. Again, call it what it is. It hurts. When someone says they're not interested, we take it personal. Now, mind you, in the lifestyle, if you really, truly want to be, if you really want to graduate to some level of fucking guru of swinging, you'll get over that. That is the most counter-intuitive and counter-swinging thought process there is in the world, and it's the most human thought process. Why are we in for swinging? If you're here to find a spouse or a significant other, you're not swinging, you're dating. There's a difference. If you're here for fucking, unless every single person is your type, that's part of it. Right? That's part of it. But the human side of us, totally natural, it hurts. It stings a little bit. And we, in turn, use that every single one of us does it, uses it as a reason not to go ahead and take that chance. If we could ever break through that, if you could ever go through, one of the things we're doing at Crazy Winter Nights this year is we're having a session on learning how to say no. Learning how to say I'm not interested and be okay with it. Because that very thought process is the reason why so many people bullshit. Because we don't want to hurt other people's feelings. Because we know how it hurts us. Which does nothing but creates more problems. So how do you counteract being human and swinging? And part of it is to understand there's a fucking difference. And that's the other part that's when it's so twisted in the lifestyle. It's just life, though. Exactly. It's just life. It's just a hobby. It's just sex. Okay, so even like the biggest wake-up call was going to the brothel. Yep, yep. You're standing in a line with six other women, and they're choosing all these other girls, and you're just sitting there. Well, if it were me and I was paying for sex, I sure as hell wanted to be with somebody I wanted to fuck, not just a girl standing there. Right, yep. I get it so you that was a hard way to to to you know to find out that really people don't want you that much yeah it's not that they don't want you they'd rather have this one no no it's not that they want you the person they don't want you whatever your physical attributes are doesn't that go with swinging too It should, except for the fact of, here's where the fucking, the rub is. If I walked up to 90, if I walked up to 100 women and said, you're defined by what your tits look like, what your ass looks like, and how old you look. 90 of them, rightfully so, would probably punch me in the fucking face. Right? Because that's bullshit. I mean, is that, how, really are we that fucking stupid? Are we that lame? Are we that pathetic? And every woman will tell every guy, because you know what, most husbands have little dicks. And every wife that has a husband with a, fuck somebody with a bigger dick, what do you tell them? You're not defined by your fucking penis. Except we get in the swinging world, and all of a sudden, because you don't have the type of tits I like or the type of ass I like, and I say, well, I appreciate it, but I'm not interested, you take it personal. Not just you in general, I'm just saying personal. And somebody walks at me and goes, I'm not interested. Because they don't like chubby fucking dudes with long hair. And all of a sudden, it's taken personal. Now, wait a minute. Which is it? Are you defined by your fucking tits and dick and your body's design? Is that how you're defined as a person? Or are you defined as a person by who you are and deeper than that? This is sex. Depends on what the person's looking for and what they're attracted to. If it's swinging, are you defined? by the fact that, why should you be hurt if you're not what they're looking for? I mean, it's completely human, and I get it. It's human, but that's the point I'm trying to make is you can't. The problem is we're trying to have it both ways. Well, which is it? Which, which, when you walk through the Dorsen event. Depends on the person's journey. Wait. Well, no, no, it doesn't. That's no. Absolutely not. Okay. We'll play this game at KWN. Oh, boy. Everybody walks through. We're going to ask everybody who walks through the gates. Once you step through and you get registered, are you a person or a piece of meat? And you have to decide which you are. Are you a person or a piece of meat? Now, if you choose to be a piece of meat, then you'll be treated accordingly. Then rock on. If you choose to be a person, then you'll be treated accordingly. How many people want to walk through the door and say, yeah, I'm just a piece of meat? Why is it that we expect other people to not treat us like a piece of meat, but we just want to, if you're not into fucking fat guys, why should you have to fuck a fat guy? Why should you have to take one for the team? Because, well, I'm a fat guy and I want to fuck you, so why should you have to do that? Shouldn't you be able to say no and not have somebody be pissed and angry? You? Of course you should. But we want that we want both. And it doesn't work that way. And that's the challenge. Swinging isn't easy. The reason it's not easy is because that's the very core of it, is that we are trying to take natural humanity and we're trying to apply the outside world to this bubble. And it doesn't It doesn't jive. And it's not that it's not... People will listen to this and go, well, he's unsympathetic. No, I'm not. Completely get it. Completely, 110% get it. In fact, get it more than probably most people will ever understand at this point in time in my life. I understand it more now because I'm trying to determine that I have vicariousness. That's a whole new world of scary for me. at 53 years old to figure this shit out. But it's the reality of it of, again, what are you? What are you going to be pissed? How can you be fucking pissed or hurt, even though I know it's human nature, because you don't look the way you don't have the things that they want. Because every single person that's been a swinger longer than 10 fucking minutes has turned somebody down because they don't like it. something about them. Maybe it's their teeth. Maybe it's their body size. Maybe it's their fucking accent. Maybe it's whatever. Who fucking knows? It doesn't matter. And it's okay for one but not the other. That's bullshit. That's a reality. That's a situation that we as swingers create for ourselves and issues for ourselves. And in turn, it creates fear. It creates anxiety. It creates animosity. And it limits experience. That's the truth. But that's not the romantic part of swinging to talk about. And yet, that's the very shit. The things that we rattle through are the very shit that actually takes and helps or hinders more people at more lifestyle events, whether it be a meet and greet, house party, big event, online, whatever, than any of the other bullshit things that are out there. Because these are the things that no one wants to talk about. They don't want to deal with it. Because it's not an easy answer. Because it requires us to do what? Put in effort. We have to use our fucking brains for cognitive thinking and ability and put in the effort to understand and analyze and go, oh, hey, wait a minute. And that sucks. That's not fun. It's not fun at our jobs. It's not fun walking down the street. It's not fun whether or not we go to Dark Alley or, you know, it's not fun, but it's the reality of it. if we would do that and put in the effort and choose to be a participant in the lifestyle, which means cognitive thinking, thought process, pushing out of our comfort zones, then in turn, our experience will increase and improve, I think. Yeah. How you doing? Sweating. It's hot in there. I think it's comfortable. Well, my hands are cold. You're sweating. They don't even feel cold to me, actually. You're sweating. There you go. Good show. Time's up. Anything else you want to add for a final thought? Oh, my God, no. No, it's fun having the 10 listeners we had. Anyways. I don't think so. Oh, you're a liar. You want to add anything? Is this great being a little more vocal? My jaw hurts so fucking bad. You like to talk. You get on a tangent. You can't. You can't. Not do it. Well, it's... No. If I don't, I'll forget about it. We also know I'm old enough now that I'm probably getting a little bit dementia-y. And so if I don't think of it now, I'll remember it like in six months from now. I'll be like, what was that show? I mean, it does run your family, but that's beside the point. That shit crazy is what it is. All right. Well, with that being said, kids, great show. Shout out to our sponsors. SN. Motor Bunny. DiscreetDirtyCo.com. There you go. Absolutely. Absolutely. Don't forget you can get your crazy winter night tickets and rooms that is 72 days away. Sneaking right up on us. So feel free to get your tickets and rooms and whatnot. And don't forget to also you can go on MissAmanda.net and you can get Miss Amanda's 2026 calendar. It will ship immediately so you can actually have that signed either month or date if you want and get it shipped in time for Christmas. It's a great Christmas present. Do you have a teenage boy that wants to jack off? We got just the thing for you. Uh, no, but in a man case, whatever, it is not work friendly. So don't get it. Open it up at your job and then be pissed off and you get fired. That's not my fault. Um, yeah. And check out all the videos. Make sure. Hey, make sure also, if you get a chance to visit casbahstudios.com. K A S B H S T U D I O S dot com. Check it out. You can see all of our talent. Mr. Almeet, uh, Sweet Butterfly, Miss Savory Sunflower, Miss Honeybee, and Miss Amanda, obviously, as well. And you can go and check out their websites. All of them have a lot of new and exciting content that is being up on their posts and out. So definitely check them out. Support all the great talents that we have at Kazma Studios and all the hard work that they do. They fuck hard, so it's hard work, and they kick ass at it. So check it out. So with that being said, kids, doing it the only way I know how, the only way I want to, and the only way I ever fucking will. Kazma Style, out. Bye.