Krazy Truth about Swinging #345 Home alone!

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey, kids. The program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey, you crazy motherfuckers. Welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth About Swinging. I'm your host with the most cool, and I'm here with the lovely, lovely... Oh, she's gone to the fucking ranch. today. If you're looking for shirts, cool things for your next lifestyle event party, otherwise, quality products, quality turnaround time, great prices, custom messages are encouraged. If you know, you know, check them out. DiscreetDirtyCO.com. Also, MotorBunny.com. Hey, guess what? You can actually get a $50 gift certificate when you go on our website, and you can click on the MotorBunny link. It takes you right there. You can get the Motorbunny original, the Motorbunny buck, or some of the new handheld toys as well. They are extremely hot, so they're going to take and, yeah. 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All done in the privacy of your home. Quick turnaround results. No more excuses. ProDXHealth.com. Okay, rock on. Look here we go. So, again, man, I don't know if I've ever run solo. You've run solo a couple times or you've had Beth or guest host with you, but I don't think I've ever run solo on the main show. So, kind of exciting for those who don't know, obviously Miss Amanda is currently in on tour down at TheBunnyRanch, TheLoveRanch.com. So if you want to check her out, you can go to her website, MissAmanda.net, and get an appointment. So you too can fuck Miss Amanda. Just saying. So there you go. Check out. But in the meantime, it's like, well, the show must go on. After eight fucking years, the show must go on. Miss Amanda, she's watching the show, so hopefully she can stay awake all the way through it. She goes, the first season she thinks I did a show myself. Maybe I did. Maybe before you started with me. I don't know. Hard to tell. But it's been a long time. So I'm a little rusty figuring out where my cues are, stars and whatnot. So just bear with me a little bit. So lots of cool stuff. We obviously are getting what we just got. Back from the ASN Awards. She got on the road again. I leave to go get her the first week in October. Then we're back. Then we're on the road again. Then we're exoticists. We've got all kinds of stuff going on. It's going to be a fun time. Lots of cool things to update you on as we get closer with Crazy Winter Nights. I'm telling you right now, folks, there are people that are all excited about the info to go be released at Exotica. Tickets are selling fast now that it's fall. Don't miss your chance. We got some cool, cool stuff. I'm telling you, cool, cool stuff that we're going to be doing with that. So check that out. What can we do for a show that will fit kind of the scenario where it is just me running tonight? And I had to sit there. I started laughing. I'm like, I had the obvious, the most obvious thing to talk about tonight. And I think it's legitimate as well. So, you know, one of the... Tony just put, how many husbands can say make an appointment to fuck Miss Amanda? Yeah, that's... It wasn't on my bingo card. in life either. Just saying. So, but here's the thing. What can we, what can I talk about that would fit the scenario? And I'm like, you know, this is something I think that everybody deals with a little bit. And I'm like, you know what? We're going to, we're going to talk about it tonight. So I want you to go picture with me if you will. Take a minute, picture with me. Well, it doesn't matter if you're new in the lifestyle, experiencing the lifestyle. It doesn't matter if you play alone, like alone, or if you play same room, separate, or if you're figuring out what you want to play, how you want to play, what you want to do. And it's a topic that, quite honestly, everybody goes through and everybody's experience with it is different. There's some similarities, and that's what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the quiet time. That's what I'm going to call it, the quiet time. What is the quiet time? to talk about. It is amazing what your mind can come up with and the places it can take you in this quiet time. And that's what I want to talk about. Now, some people right now are probably going, well, I'm single. That doesn't apply. It does apply because you need to have a better understanding, I think, of what, if you're playing with people that are in a relationship, what maybe they're feeling. Because ultimately, a lot of times what they're feeling can come back and affect you. Whether it be in how you're treated, how the response from the partner that wasn't there, whether there's another time. There's a lot of things that go with it. And it's very fucking real. And what's so funny to me about the quiet time is it's very real, but it's also exceedingly imaginative. is very real. But the places your mind can take you is completely to la-la land. And I can say that completely from firsthand experience. I think it's a natural part when you make transitions from you both being right next to each other, you both stopping at the exact same moment, as you progress through your lifestyle journey. And it's something that a lot of times you don't talk about ahead of time as a couple, because quite honestly, you don't know it's coming. And the really big problem is the first time it hits, depending on how fucking far off the deep end your mind takes you, how you approach that conversation for the next time can get super twisted and get super different and has totally different fallout and different meanings, right? So, the funny thing with this is that it's not a one-and-done thing either. That's the other part of this that is so unusual. At any point in time, at least in my experience dealing with it and talking to other people, you can be just fine. You play alone, whatever the case may be, and all of a sudden, for some reason, out of the fucking blue... Holy shit. Something just sneaks up on you. All of a sudden, you get this wild fucking wave of all kinds of emotions. And really, when you think about it, the type of emotions that I know that I've experienced and things I've talked to other people about, the experiences can range anything from jealousy to almost a form of depression. You're depressed because because you don't know what's going on. Your mind just tends to just race and you tend to be all over the fucking board. And where the really big part of this, why this is such a big deal, is envy. Absolutely. Yeah, envy comes in. That's a huge one. And just not knowing. All of a sudden, you're trying to start playing out in your mind what your is doing and you start playing it out. And trust me, I, I can say this with complete certainty. The scenario that's playing out in your brain is half the time way fucking hotter than the scenario that's actually going on because you are envisioning from, from my standpoint, you're envisioning that she is getting the best dick she's ever had, ever will have. It's huge. She's coming gushes all over. She's breathless and crazy. It's the best sex she's ever had. That's the place your brain takes you. What's really funny is when you actually hear the conversation after the fact, when you get squared away and actually can listen open-mindedly, usually that's not the case. It might have been a great time, but it's not. It's kind of like the party. You know the party that every vanilla person goes, well, swingers go have these giant orgy and all the swingers are like, man, that party sounds like fun. I wish it actually existed. It's kind of that is what your brain is taking and just running with it. And what's really funny and the challenge is, is trying to get your brain to go, wait a minute. You can know complete confidence. It's all good. And yet, reining your brain in becomes this total unachievable goal. And then the fallout happens, which we'll get to that in a minute. So the first challenge is, is how do we, how do you prepare? for if you've never done this, if you've never played a part or out of each other's view, how do you prepare for that? I mean, first, in my opinion, the first thing is you have to be willing to admit it's new. And if it's new, there's a good chance that you're going to have unknown feelings, reactions, whatever, because it's new. So to me, step one is embracing the fact, hey, I don't know. I don't know how I'm going to feel with this. I don't know. I don't know what this is going to be like. And you'll notice the theme as I go through what I perceive of these steps. The step that falls right behind that is communication, talking about that, talking about it, getting both people's perspective. Because the problem is what happens is the next time or the second time, based on however you respond, after the first one, the next time it comes up for your partner to get to do something like that, if you've responded negatively, now they're apprehensive about how you're going to respond the next time. You see what happens. And it basically becomes this chain. You're nervous and worried about it. They're nervous and worried about it. So you're freaking out the whole time they're gone. They're freaking out the whole time they're gone. And instead, no one's getting the mass enjoyment out of it because because everybody's emotions are kind of all over the board. This is really hard, Amanda, without that conversation because I'm just like fucking talking. Whatever. Okay. So the first thing is understanding that it's something new and talking about it and making sure that you both are on the same page and you both understand that there's going to be different feelings. And you both approach it with, it's okay to have feelings of some variety. Like, if you skip that step, shit gets really fucked up. Yes, I'm saying a mission there. You skip that step, shit gets really fucked up really fast because to backpedal after you've already reacted, it just loses something. So you need that communication to talk about it because, Honestly, even the person going to play for the first time might have some apprehension on how they're going to feel playing without you there. So step two with that, I think, is talking about the reality that playing alone is going to be a different level, possibly, of excitement, and that it's okay to be excited. Shall we put, you have to validate everyone's feelings, but that doesn't mean you understand them. Exactly. And I couldn't have said it better myself. That's exactly it. You need to make sure everybody understands or validates that that's legit. But no, you can't understand it. Because you're not necessarily them. But when, for me, and this will be interesting if Amanda puts this in there too, how she responds to this. But I found when we first started playing alone, honestly, now we're a long-term married couple. So when we first started playing alone, there was an added degree of dirtiness. It was spicier to play alone. It was almost like you were doing something. It was like sneaking a cookie from the cookie jar, so to speak. It felt different because it was new, and we had started out for so long as a couple that had always played together. Same room, full swap, same room. Honestly, you sit there and go, Wow, this is kind of hot. There's something about it. And the reason I bring that point up is that because when you're on your way home, that very feeling can make you feel like guilty. And that's not the feeling you want to have either. Larry put, we have had couples who only play separately. They never play together. And it was discussed ahead of time. So a game plan was made. Absolutely. Damn, it froze. I mean, that would be Amanda because it's cold. where she's at. No, but that's exactly having the game plan. And I think talking about, again, hey, this is going to feel different when you're doing it. If you're a couple that you play in the same room, I think just naturally, yeah, you're focused on your partner, you're fucking, but you're also aware of the other couple in the room fucking. So you're kind of aware of what's going on. Amanda's back on or not. But Amanda always, I always, one of the reasons we started playing was I always started to feel bad that because Amanda was very in tune with me. So if I was having issues, she would, she would, she was aware of it and she would jump in. So my thing was, I felt like she was getting cheated because she was, instead of being able to just focus on fucking having fun with this guy or this gal, she's worried about if I'm having issues. And so she's not getting to be fully in the moment. And then in turn, what started to happen is I'm worried about her worrying about me and now we're not focusing on anybody but the first time I played alone I it was hot it was it was fucking hot for me and and I felt guilty as fucking how hot it was and how hot it felt and and so what I would recommend to people is understand that it's gonna feel differently and that's okay and like Larry said have a fucking Okay, so Amanda just said something. This is a really great thing. I'm glad you said this, hon. She could put, I didn't feel distracted. That's your interpretation. And that's exactly it. So what she means is when we were playing together as a couple, I felt like I was a distraction to her from having fun. But for her, she didn't feel distracted. That was just how I felt. The reason that's such a good point is all of this, and I mean all the swinging is really, part of the challenge is there's reality and then there's perception. And this is why the communication step between everything is so fucking important. Because my perception, i.e. my reality, was completely off from what was hers. And I started projecting my perception on her. That's how she felt. That's why you have to talk and communicate. Now, Amanda, let me ask you this, even though you're not here, so I'll read her answer. Was it hotter for you initially playing alone than when we played as a couple? Was that something that was a... Did you feel like how I felt like it was kind of dirty? Not cheating. That's horrible to say that it sounded more dirty, but I mean, it's... But on the other hand, if we finished early, I loved watching my partner and the other person enjoying each other. Shelly said that. And that's an awesome point as well. Again, it's kind of half, is the glass half full, half empty? Is it, oh my God, they're upset. They're going to be upset because they're not done? Or is it, this is just super hot getting to watch your partner finish? because watching Amanda fuck is hottest. I love watching Amanda fuck. Still do to this day. Amanda put it. It didn't feel different. It didn't feel different. It was just unique. So the reason that's such a huge thing to point out is two people pretty similar in a lot of things we think about. We've been married a long, long time, but how we each had completely different feelings afterwards. And kind of like Shelly said earlier, you don't have to understand each other's feelings, but you have to And you got to tell me if I'm starting to go off course because, you know, I get confused with my thoughts. So let's recap a bit. First step, communicate that it's going to feel different and that it might feel different afterwards. Second step is, and I think Larry is communicating, third step is game plan. I think Larry had it really right with a game plan in there. in terms of if you're playing actually alone, alone. I strongly recommend, again, this is just strictly Cole's opinion before you read Amanda's response. When you're done, let the other person know. Even, okay, we're a couple that likes to tell each other about what happened. Like, I like to hear about it, right? And Amanda's like, she knows I like to hear about it, talk about it, so she's okay with it, whatever. Even if, let's say, maybe your dynamic is you don't want to hear about it, you don't want to hear the details, that's not what you're into. Okay. It's still a common courtesy to say, hey, I'm done, I'm on my way home. The reason why that is so fucking important, after two, three, four, five, however many hours, if the person that's still at home is really If their minds got the best of them. Every minute feels like an hour. Just tick. And it's just that phone call or that text, hey, I'm on my way home. It's like you can breathe again. Strangest fucking thing I know. If you're not bothered by it, it's no big deal. We'll rock it. Oh, great. They're on my way home for safety. text you. Hey, you set up a time. You make time to chat when you get home. And the other part of a game plan, and kind of like this goes with whatever you're saying. Again, having learned this the hard way. It is set up, have a game plan for time. Kind of almost do like you did when you were a kid with a curfew. A Curfew, and if you're going to be out past this time, it's going to go later, to call. And here's why. We've had situations. I was going to go play. Great. Amanda's totally on board, whatever. We didn't discuss time frame. Amanda's, in many cases, not all the time, and this is not anything negative, but Amanda's play dates a lot of times don't last as long as my play dates do. I'm a yapper, so that fucking, Interferes, whatever. But when you don't have a... And time, for me especially, really gets fucking away from me. I've been at a birthday party, my own birthday party, and went to fuck, and I thought I was gone like 30 minutes, and I was gone like three hours. So having a time frame, because for me, it was so unfair to Amanda, because we didn't have a time frame. And it's like, you know, we're fucking five hours later, and she's not here for me. Well, you know what? She was a little agitated when I got home. Justifiably so, because we didn't have a time frame. And it was like, okay, how long is it? What the fuck is going on? How long is this going to go on? And I was lucky, because Amanda was very cool about it. She wasn't lighting up my phone. She had every right to be, because we really fucked up not talking about it. Because feelings of can creep into your head, having a time frame, setting a boundary, setting, hey, it keeps things moving on your end of the play date. It also helps the person at home, there's an end time here. So it doesn't just keep going and going. Have that plan, talk about it, and then stick to it. When you set a time frame for hours, what it causes you to do is to not allow time to just get away from you the reason part of that was so shitty and with with our situation is that uh it what in hindsight and after i got home and we talked about it i felt horrible because it was disrespectful you know the going to play alone is an agreement between you and your partner. It's a, it's, it's, what do you call it? You can call it a hall pass, but it's, it's a, it's a, hey, yeah, no problem. You do this, whatever. There's, there's a give and take there. So to not have a plan and not have timeframe, it's, it's disrespectful to take advantage. It's like a kid going, giving it, like your kid take the car out for the first time because he's going to go for a quick drive and he's gone for four hours. Larry, if you're new to playing alone, The message you're done can help. My partner's still going to worry if solo play isn't a regular thing. That is exactly it. And I think a lot of times, and I'm not trying to sound sexist, but I can only look at it from my perspective. I don't know if it's a guy thing or whatever, but when Amanda's off-plane, when Amanda's got a play date off-plane like she does all the time, When Amanda's got a play date, I'm a protector, but I'm not there to protect her, and not that she needs that. But my brain needs that, okay, now I know she's okay. It's really funny because as we've gotten into the adult business, and obviously in porn, and now obviously with the brothel, you learn more about that as you go through. And you are able to, from at least my perspective, loosen that up and kind of not sell your partner short on what they're capable of, not capable of type 3. They don't need me to hover over them all the time. That's a big one. Ooh, totally, I'm going to backwards because without Amanda here to keep me on course, try to take notes and we'll figure it out later. Okay, so I'm going to tell this story, Amanda, When you're talking about playdates, especially when you're new, communicating all of it is a big deal. We had a situation, obviously I'm not going to use names, early on. My perception, Miss Amanda's perception was she went on a playdate. Absolutely, and she did. But it was, went to the person, which is new, okay? Went to the person's apartment. I think had dinner, if I remember right, or he made dinner, and then fucked. To me, and at that time, we'll talk part of it to being naive and just stupid and not, you know, having that, not so much jealousy, but just nerves and whatever. Jealousy, I guess, 2-3-2. I looked at that, and my feeling to that was, That wasn't a play date. That was a date. And at that point in time, we were, that was, you know, we were, everything had been at hotels. We were not on the same page about that. And that discussion when she got home was not a discussion. And a part was because of my being irrational about it. But the bigger problem was we hadn't really talked about that all the way through ahead of time. Or we had talked about it briefly, but I had not expressed my my concerns and feelings. We partially talked about it. It's like it was a partial truth. She told me. I mean, Miss Amanda told me that she didn't leave any details out so she hid anything. But I didn't want to create a problem, so I didn't tell her truly how I felt about everything. So I put her in like a no-win situation, and that's not okay. But honestly, especially if you're new to this, you have to talk about that all of it. Hey, it's going to be at a hotel. Hey, it's going to be this. Hey, it's going to be that. It'd be better to laugh afterwards and go, oh my God, we gave each other way too much information. We didn't need a play-by-play versus why the fuck didn't you tell me? And especially where our perception of that whole event in terms of how it looked, date versus play date, was completely different, and that's something we should have talked about ahead of time. Neither one of us knew it would create a big deal in any way, shape, or form, but it did, and to this day, if we were to have that conversation now about, you know, if we were, and we never solved that argument, was it a date or a play date? I still say it was set up more like a date. It's not a big deal now. Now, obviously, it's a totally different ballgame, but it's just something, especially if you're new, having that information and being honest, being honest. Oh, you do, baby. You do. Because my third person also was like, that's like an eight. Being honest and going, I have concerns with this. Like, if you don't say that you have concerns, whether you're the one playing or the one that's, while the other one goes plays, you're really making it harder on both of you. You have to be willing to go, hey, wait a minute, I still have more issues. Wait, I got to talk this out more. Like, you have to, because when shit comes up afterwards, oh, holy shit, it's fucking bad then. It didn't have to be, excuse me, it didn't have to be bad. So that's all part of that have a plan thing. Okay, so now, I feel horrible because I know this is all over the place, but yeah, you know, whatever. Kind of remember-ish, but not who. DB. So let's talk about, let's talk about the understanding the afterglow. Okay. What do I mean by understanding the afterglow? Take for a minute. Think back. Think back to the first time you guys as a couple actually hooked up with another couple. The first time you did any swinging. Okay, wait a minute. Before I go on, this is Shelly. Thank you. I like this, Shelly. This info is so invaluable because it just shows no matter how long you've been in the lifestyle, So, things can happen at any time. And that's exactly it. That's exactly it. Okay. I wanted to make sure I read that before it got away on my comments. So, think back to the first time after you had sex with another couple. Do you remember it? Do you remember how the whole fucking, like, the next week, two weeks, however long, like, every time you guys, you'd be standing there and all of a sudden you'd be like, man, that was so hot. You'd be like, instant punter, instant wet, whatever, just thinking about something that was fucking hot. You were fucking each other like rabbits because just like there was this afterglow of having this fucking taking that step in the lifestyle. Let me rephrase. The first good experience, maybe had a bad one. Even our bad one, our first bad one was still the concept of it was hot, right? So think about that for a minute. The reason I bring this up, I always say, we always say on this show, every time you do something, new or different. It's new. It's like leveling up. And so you start back to square zero. Here's the reality of it. The first time you play alone, even Miss Amanda, I don't know if she'll remember this or not. She may have to tell me no. Even Miss Amanda, after the first time she played alone, you talk about it because it was new and it was kind of exciting and it was different. And so you're kind of charged up about it. Now, here's the important part with this. Keep what I just said, put it off to the side and keep it in the corner of your mind. Now, picture you're at work. It's been super shitty. It's winter. It's cold. Whatever. You haven't had a vacation forever. And the other, your office, somebody else in your office goes on vacation. They go on vacation. You have to do more work while they're gone. You have to do their work. Nothing has changed in the world. Maybe you fall on the ice. regular shit, life, oh, hey, oh, jumpsuit, right? That person comes back from vacation, and they're like, and then we did this, and we drank margaritas in the sun, and we sucked Mickey Mouse, and they're going on, and I want to see my pictures, and look, I brought sandbag with me, and it goes on and on and on, because they're all fucking pumped up and recharged and fucking, woo-hoo, rock on, and what you want to do is take their vacation photos, and shoved them straight up their ass because your life didn't change. And it's like, yes, we know. You want on vacation? Fuck you. Yes, we know. Great. Glad you had a great time. Fuck you. You know, that's because nothing changed for you. Now, let's go grab that little section over here again. Weep. Bring it back here. So the first time Amanda and I were in the lifestyle, I don't know. We've been in the lifestyle seven, six, seven years before we ever played alone. If not, maybe a little longer. And I, it had been hot. And I had that euphoric fucking, because I played alone first. And that fucking just whatever. And I couldn't shut up about it. Amanda was very, very tolerant. Very, very tolerant at that time. Great. Awesome. She has her first time. And Amanda, Amanda, God love her because she always is thinking about me. And I guarantee there's times that she wanted to say more and didn't because of case of twist me, which is awesome and very, very nice. And it means everything to me. And I appreciate, you know, but I, you know, I would hunt her for questions and she was like gauging how much she told me based on not to be Be respectful of me. Okay, great. Move forward. The next time up, I hook up with a girl. And we had a crazy connection. And a lot of you, if you ever saw our room after me and this girl would hook up, it looked like fucking, it looked like two monkeys having sex. And shit's thrown all over the room. I mean, it was intense shit. And so I'm coming home, and I'm just fucking, I'm all fucking jazzed about it. Great. And what I said was, and I still vividly remember what I said, and the reason I vividly remember what I said is because I vividly remember the look on Miss Amanda's face as soon as I said it. I'm telling you what, that's probably the best sex I've ever had. Larry and some other people listening that know us right now, Larry is probably laughing and going, oh, dumbass. Now, what did I mean by that? I left some key words out of that whole thing. It was some of the best lifestyle sex I'd ever had. What did I say, though? It was some of the best sex I'd ever had. And so, in turn, you can imagine how I can only imagine how that hit Miss Amanda, because I remember the facial expression. And as soon as I said it, it was like, oh, and, and I, you know, thank God she didn't hold it against me forever because she could have, but it hurt. So then you're trying to do that. Well, no, wait. What I meant was, well, we all know by that point in time, she's just listening to me for two hours. talking about how great this was, how great that was, and then the cherry on the top was that. How much... Then it just sounds like, oh, fuck, I'm in trouble. I'm trying to backtrack. It was caught up in the moment, the excitement still doesn't make it right. I bring that up because it's not your partner at home's job that wasn't the one out playing. It's not their job to... be more tolerant of your excitement. It's your job as the one that went and played to be more respectful of your partner. Just like it's your job, if you come back from vacation and everybody else's life sucks, is to not rub it in everybody's face. It's not their job to be like, oh, well, I'm supposed to be happy for you. Yay. No, and it's the same thing. And so, just like swinging is a huge responsibility thing, this is the same thing with this. When I look back, and obviously our communication, our marriage, and we had to talk, but there were still tears. Imagine that scenario. So I'm all jacked up. She's been listening. She's sick of listening to it. Then I hit her with that. Then there's some tears. There's some, you know, whatever. And now that whole experience is like, I feel shitty because I didn't mean to hurt her. She feels bad because she didn't mean to kill the enthusiasm moment. And the reality of it is then it's everybody's kind of like, you know, all crazy. Have fun at your media meeting there. Tell them that the podcast's on. Tell them Cole says, yeah. Anyway, so the thing with that is, is that I bring it up because Part of the responsibility is learning how to play alone and being responsible is respecting your partner and their feelings. It's really funny how I was fortunate. Something like that could have absolutely sidetracked the whole lifestyle experience for us. And it didn't. But it's something that we don't think about that. a lot. We just don't. So that leads me to my next point. I'm totally all over. I really feel bad. I guarantee I won't go listen to the show without going, what the fuck? With the excitement, if you think back again to when you were a new swinger, when you're a new swinger, the first time, it's kind of like the first time you taste candy. And you're like, oh, that's That's fucking awesome. What do you do? You want more candy? And the first time you hear it all the time from people in the lifestyle, as a couple, the first time they finally, you know, fuck or hook up or whatever their dynamics are going to be, a lot of times when people are new in the lifestyle, they kind of go on, then they're on the prowl. They're like, fuck, yeah, because they found this. This was fun. This was hot. This was whatever. And they want to fucking, they're like, yeah, they want to keep doing it. And then every weekend they're on the hunt for it. Well, what What we have to be aware of, it's the same thing when you play alone for the first time. Our dynamic when we first started to play alone was not that we had made the decision we were only going to play alone. Our primary rules and whatever was still the same room. It was just, it basically happened because there was a gal, the first gal I played with, she was a nice gal. Amanda liked her as a person but had no interest in her sexually. And her and I had incredible sexual tension. And it was just like, she's like, you know what? Go fuck her. You'll have a great time. And I did. The first guy that Amanda played alone with, we had played with him as a couple. And it was okay. The wife and I got on great. It was okay. But Amanda and the guy really fucking had a great connection. And so, great. All right. Go for it. So, but it wasn't our primary goal, was it, to we're only going to do this. But all of a sudden it came, well, that was really fun and exciting. You want to do that, what's fun and exciting? And you have to temper that and remember what your communication is. And we have couples all the time that go, we always play together as a couple, and then one time they play alone or they play in separate rooms, and now that's all we're going to do. You know, give yourself, stop and breathe. Give yourself a minute to evaluate. How does it make you feel? Because swinging is like hand grenades, right? You know, I mean, well, actually, you know, this is a horrible analogy, but it's actually true. Swinging a lot of times is like grief, okay? to you, passes away, and you go through this initial wave of massive emotion, and then it subsides. And then also out of the blue, for no reason, this other wave comes of emotion and hits you out of the blue, right? And then come over and hits you again. Boom. And so give it some time. Let some of the waves to go to really analyze if this is what you want to do before you just go, this is it. And to make sure that you both have a chance to process and let the emotions come over, let them flood you, talk about it, and determine is this really the direction we want to go? Because you know what? Maybe the first wave, maybe the second wave you're both cool with, but maybe the third wave you're not. Shall I put, I was a unicorn in lifestyle when I started. The lesson I learned could fill a book, but when I became a couple was a mind-filled journey. Yep. It was even though you were experienced, you were starting over. And that's a very real thing. To Shelly's point also, where Shelly was a unicorn, I can tell you that there are different emotions that go with, if you're playing with, as a married couple, if I was playing with a unicorn, and Amanda, that kind of shit doesn't bother Amanda as much, but it did on the other end. If Amanda is playing with a single male. Versus a male in a relationship. It's not rational. But it's still there. It still has. It's still. There's a difference. And quite honestly. The first time. There was a difference. The first time I played with somebody. A couple. Because the first time I played with somebody. She was a single. She was a unicorn. And Amanda was in a couple. And then it kind of vice versa. And there was different emotions with it. What we didn't know then was. It's okay. you to have different emotions. As long as you talk them through and validate them. You know? So you played alone first and you always wanted to play together. Do you feel any guilt after your first solo play? I did. Yes, because what's funny is I was the one that pushed us really to get to play, to get in the lifestyle anyways. And honestly, I had more issues as we started playing early on, guilt and things like that. And issue just in general than Amanda did when I first started getting into lifestyle. I did feel guilty. Amanda, the first time we played, I played alone. Amanda was their grandmother's, and that was fine. It was after Thanksgiving. And I was talking to her. I went to Omaha an hour away. Driving home, I was talking to her on the phone and gave her literally play-by-play. And we talked. She was going on to bed because it was late. Like 20 minutes later, it's like 2 in the morning at this point in time. I remembered some little fucking stupid minute detail that I forgot to tell her. Would she have cared? No. But I was like, oh, my God. And so I called her. She goes, what's the matter? What's going on? I said, well, I forgot to tell you that we fucked three times. And then because we had and then we went down because we stayed at a casino. And then I went we went downstairs and we had a drink. And then we came up and fucked again before I left. And the phone goes really, really quiet, right? And she's like, okay. So what? Did something happen with the drink? Did something? You didn't drive home drunk. I said, no, we just had one drink. And she's like, okay. And I said, well, I didn't tell you that. And so I didn't want to leave anything out. And she goes, okay. And she laughed. We laughed about it later. But literally, yeah, that was the guilt factor kicking in because it was like, oh my God, I didn't want to leave out. Oh, my God. And then we breathed in. And then I took a drink of water. And then, you know, I peed. And I mean, which again, over information is better than lack of information. But I think the challenge, it's there's nothing wrong with changing and going from playing as a couple to playing with singles or individuals, whatever, as long as it is communicated. Like there are certain parts, certain things in lifestyle that aren't my cup of tea. Whatever. It's just not my cup of tea. It's nothing against them. My thing is, it's not that anything is necessarily good or bad. It's just whether or not you talk about it and communicate your true feelings. And I was the worst a lot of times through our lifestyle journey. A lot of times there's been issues. Too bad she had to go. But to our lifestyle journey was because I didn't want to upset her so I didn't tell her how I was truly feeling. are all of my feelings. And you know what? That wasn't fair to her because how can she address those concerns that I have if she doesn't know I have them? And that's the big part of it. When we have talked about when before we went into the porn, before we started to do, you know, obviously the brothel, it's different now. But again, now we don't do it. It's okay. Here's, you know, this. We talked about everything because it's the It's the only way we can take and actually address the concerns. I think that a lot of people, we found this, because Amanda and I were, Miss Amanda and I were a point, pretty much at one point in time, if you listen to the show long, you know there was a time that she had a side dude at her work, and we didn't have to call it to her and go, hey, I'm going to go have sex with this person, you're okay with it? It was like, yeah, whatever. It was that degree of like, yeah, oh, hey, by the way, I fucked pedals at work today. Okay. And we saw people that they wanted that. Like, that's so cool. That's 20 plus years, 30 years of fucking marriage. And it still doesn't mean there wasn't times that the jealousy bug raised up that I went, how many days in this week are you going to fuck him at work? I mean, you know, the green monster is always lurking. That's the biggest thing. The green monster is always lurking, and I think it lurks more when you play individually, because we all become easier targets a little bit. And the most important part of this is to, the way you have a great experience is to acknowledge that the green monster exists, really. I truly, truly believe that. You know, people ask us all the time, well, are you, you know, do you think, should we not play alone? No one can answer that question for you, but you and your significant other. I would say this, playing alone is not something, in my opinion, that only one of you can be 100% okay with. That, to me, is a recipe for disaster. Like, you have to both be on that same page. And if your partner or single gatherer is not okay with it, then you need to let it drop and stop at that. Because to make playing alone truly work, it's the ultimate... It takes more fucking trust to let yourself... Spouse, play alone, 20 times as much trust as to sit in a room and watch them fuck somebody else. The amount of trust and respect that that takes. And the thing is, the biggest thing that I can advise or hope people understand is, you have to respect that trust. Because it's very easy to lose that trust. But it's very hard to make up for 5, 10, 15, 20 years of trust if it gets thrown away. And that's what I hoped this show will and help people, if they're going to make that decision, experience it and experience it in a way that works. So there you go. So hopefully this show is okay. A little different with Miss Amanda gone. Hopefully, maybe next week I'll figure out a way to get her on Zoom-wise so she can kind of be here with us. That's the plan. Obviously, if she gets a bell, she'll have to leave. But shout out again to our sponsors, MotorBunny.com, ASNLivestileMagazine.com, Discreet. That's streetdirtyco.com. And obviously, prodxhealth.com. Make sure you check our show notes. You can find links to all of our sponsors. Please give them a visit. Check them out. We really appreciate all of the love they give us and show us. Don't forget to check out all the websites. We got a new one on casbahstudios.com. Check it out. We have some new talent. So just, you know, make sure you visit that. Excuse me, check it out. Miss Amanda's got new content dropping. All the folks on the studio have got some new stuff dropping, so make sure you check out this stuff. Support all of our folks. With all that being said, kids, thank you so much for listening to me. Rambles like a really long rant, isn't it? Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Miss Amanda appreciates it as well. Doing it the only way I know how, the only way I want, And the only way I ever fucking will. Kazma style. Out.