Krazy Truth #47 An orgasmic experience

Transcript

Speaker1: hey kids the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations adult language themes and other adult topics if you're easily offended this show's not for you do you need a little more slide in your glide if so you need to visit our friends at spunk lube www.spunklube.com remember you always have a friend in casbah put casbah in the coupon code code and get your 10 discount off of every one of your orders that's k-a-s-b-h casbah hey you crazy motherfuckers welcome back to another edition of crazy truth it's episode probably 15 season 2 who fucking knows i'm the host with the most i am 16 i'm the host with the most i am cole and i'm here with the lovely lovely miss amanda hey and her boobs uh and so here we are when we're going to talk about sex and stuff and spew our knowledge and coat the lifestyle spectrum with our jizz of knowledge. That's what's going to be the jizz of knowledge. Yeah, jizz of knowledge.
Speaker2: I like that. Okay.
Speaker1: All right.
Speaker2: Jizz.
Speaker1: So we need a sound effect for that.
Speaker2: You know that?
Speaker3: There you go.
Speaker2: Perfect.
Speaker1: We're going to copyright that jizz sound. I used to make another noise what was it no not oh god so wait i got confused on my my bad yeah you know it is what it is uh okay so when you think of that just randomly do it whatever when you think of the right noise i'll just randomly go jizz okay whatever this'll work it'll be perfect move on so jesus hi madame okay so here's the thing so normally we talk about strange sex stories weird sex stories i'm going to turn what i'm going to don't worry look here's the deal there's a sex story about a chick that stroked out but when she orgasmed okay and we're gonna get to that one it not this week i know it'll be old news by then but it is what it is it never gets old here about chicks stroking out because she orgasmed too hard i want to go a positive spin because this is a positive programming not kid friendly it's not mr roger positive but it's it's dirty swinger positive okay so what i want to talk about actually is a another newsworthy situation obviously again we have the chasma page crazy chasma page along with four others alt chasma single chasma crazy classifieds and the crazy truth page but today on the uh on our crazy chasma page we had lots of folks that were putting pictures because obviously we're here in the Midwest, or Nebraska, and we've had a little big red. There's no place like Nebraska, and as everybody probably knows by now, Nebraska was hit with some devastating floods, and a lot of people lost everything, and a lot of shit is really, really still fucked up, hardcore on on it but there were people posting pictures of people in the lifestyle uh helping other people in the lifestyle cleaning up and to me there's a story that's important to talk about so you know one of the cool things with the lifestyle we've seen this in benefits we've seen this in in stepping up for folks all the way across the board you know vanillas are great whatever they try but it's not the same it's not the same as as lifestyle it's not the same bond it's not the same bond look you have to have a lot of trust if you're gonna you know i gotta trust you a lot if i'm gonna let you fuck amanda so you know if i'm gonna let you fuck my wife then then there's a special trust that we have there and what we've found time and time again is how people in the lifestyle step up to the plate to help other people in the lifestyle and there's been some great pictures on crazy casbah today of people that have went out and are helping their friends in the lifestyle clean up after a flood if you've never seen something like that this is not like go out grab a broom and sweep some shit up and pick up a few sticks in the yard no i mean these folks are in hip waders and having to wear masks because of mold and the nastiness in the river water and helping people put their lives together and so i just think that that's uh yeah we know people are fucking morons out there and do some stupid shit with sex news which we'll get back to in a regular schedule program but i want to give a positive thing to talk about there you go for a little bit what a warm feeling and we almost should have coffee and tea with our show today our show is normally a whiskey swilling sort of show and today it's a it's a warm fussy it could almost be mr rogers jizz okay uh all right so i needed to go you made him jump that I've made you jump with jizzing a few times. Ah, not in the face. My, my. It swims, I tell you. Just saying. It does. Wait until you see one float across it. Well, I don't know if you'll ever. I hope not. Oh, my God. A random jizz shot. That's pretty awesome. Look, it's like a tadpole.
Speaker2: Anyways, okay. So let's get on, shall we? Okay. Did that give you a chill? No, I'm cold.
Speaker1: Okay. Your nipples don't say you're cold.
Speaker2: They kind of do. Okay. All right.
Speaker1: Now something says I'm warm.
Speaker2: Weird. Okay.
Speaker1: So the first question comes from James.ames james is in wisconsin cheesehead uh and so anyways so james question uh is how important is it that there's all that you always orgasm with swinger sex and so what he means by that is a lot of times he has problems coming when he when he's fucking somebody else other than his significant other and so how important is how important is to be successful a successful hookup is it to have an orgasm i thought that was kind of a question because we hear this a lot well i've i've heard that from multiple people that that's the only way that they have an orgasm. Is this with sex? Wait, what? But is he just talking for himself or is he talking for his hookup? He was talking for himself, but I think that it goes deeper than that. Would you keep doing it if it wasn't satisfying or important? Well, here's the thing. I don't always come with a hookup. Right. Right? So the thing is. So is it not successful if you don't? Well, I think it's successful because my pecker got wet. So I'm going, I mean, I'm thinking, I don't, I think it varies. I think that some people can give this concept that you have to. If you don't come, well, then what was the point? Well, did it feel good? Did you have fun? Did you have fun? It is what it is. Okay, from a woman's perspective, do you get off every single time we hook up with people? Hold on. Let me check. We got to check the old.
Speaker3: Every single time?
Speaker2: No. There's been some I haven't. There's been some. Most but you're easy you're you're a quick comer you're easy miss amanda's easy everybody no i mean but you're easier to for you to come doesn't take near as much no as some people but so it wouldn't be so much but do you come the same amount with everybody? No. No.
Speaker1: So, okay, but it still doesn't mean that it wasn't successful. Maybe you only had one or two orgasms versus your normal, like, 75 or whatever it is. 283, bingo. Well, I mean, seriously, though. So sometimes they may not be as intense, or they may not be as many, or they may not be real. No, they're real. She doesn't fake it. Nobody fakes it in the lifestyle. But so the thing is, is that it still doesn't make it unsuccessful, right? No. Okay. Well, you're like, no, of course not. I don't think as a guy, look, there's a lot of reasons that a guy won't come sometimes. And look, whether or not your penis is successful has nothing to do with the fucking creamy filling that comes out. No, that's not the point of it. Getting it up and using it, that's what makes whether or not it was successful, makes it successful. Look, if I take Viagra, I'm not coming. I'm going to stroke and I'm not shooting alone. It ain't happening. And I know there's a lot of people that there's certain meds. If you're on a med, that it can absolutely just fucking make it. Well, different medications. Yeah, you're spoo-free. Spoo-free. That sounds like a dessert. I'll take the spoo-free, please. Oh, good God. Would you like two orders of that, sir? So, I mean, but it doesn't mean it's not successful. No. Now, I've heard all these people go, well, if the guy doesn't come, then that's, you know, then it's not. Okay, fuck that. That's bullshit. You can never say, you can never play success or failure based on whether or not you come because we did that how many women granted i think it's more if a woman doesn't get off at all i can see that being disappointing and not successful a little bit could be but sometimes it's still fun it just depends on your company well it depends on what you're looking for, maybe. Or what you're into, you know.
Speaker2: It does.
Speaker1: So you are, you're saying live and to all the folks out there, it doesn't necessarily, if you don't come as much or you don't come at all, it doesn't mean the night was a failure.
Speaker2: No. Right.
Speaker1: And that's a big key. I mean, look, here's the thing. In lifestyle, what happens, and I don't know why people do this, they continuously put emphasis on like stupid shit.
Speaker2: Yes. Okay.
Speaker1: I don't know why people do this, they continuously put emphasis on, like, stupid shit. Yes. Okay. I will agree. I mean, completely stupid shit. And here's why they do it. They're overthinking it, right? So here's the deal. If they don't, if it didn't go long enough, or if it didn't go, if it didn't get hard fast enough, or if it didn't, it sounds like a race, but if it, you know, if it didn't, whatever. if it didn't go in it didn't get hard fast enough or if it didn't it sounds like a race but if you know if it didn't whatever if if that if it didn't go in the correct order or whatever then people all of a sudden go well it's not successful well that that's you're overthinking it i mean really the reality of it yes no guy wants to be the three pump jump but if you have good personality and good chemistry initially you do the three pump jump and everybody just kind of keeps talking keeps having fun give you that 17 minutes recoup time or maybe yours is a little longer or whatever the case may be you're gonna get you're gonna get a shot to have round two if you go now it's over it's ruined you sound like fucking e or at a swinger convention then all of a sudden i'm sorry poo but then all of a sudden then it's yeah you're not gonna get a second shot and then it is it can be like a bad thing and to me about half the time guys give you a little secret if you're using a condom she doesn't have to know if you actually shot your load you're like oh that was great okay and if nothing came out don't show her the condom i mean at the end of this it's not like you're not like a cat bringing a mouse to somebody okay look look inside look what i did they don't have to know right i mean let's face it most girls can make all the sounds that we don't know if it's real or not anyways so but don't nine times out of ten you want to kill a mood faster than anything else at a swingers party what's that somebody running their mouth look if you don't if you're if you're having trouble getting it up okay that happens it happens to every guy you're having trouble getting it up, okay, that happens. It happens to every guy. You're having trouble getting it up. If you're just like, hey, give me a minute, whatever, or you kind of like work around it and don't be like, you know, all fucking Jojo the circus monkey with it, nobody has to know. But if you're like, my dick won't work, and you're slapping it, and you're like, my dick never gets up, I can get hard and you start whining about it that will kill the mood at a swingers party right all over the place it and it's the same thing if you start you know well he didn't actually shoot a load or i didn't shoot a load or whatever the case may be look if you find the negatives in life you can take a a kick-ass, fun time, and you can, like, fucking just crush it. People don't understand. If you start, as a guy especially, if you start worrying about stuff like your dick not getting up or, you know, kind of it, that can be the equivalent of throwing, like, a fucking STD bomb in the middle of the room. First off, you're playing a mind game with yourself, and it won't get up't get up yeah what no amount of slapping that fucker around is going to cause it no you can't get in your head i didn't mean a pun but okay sure we'll go with it you said head no i did twice um is that double dipping but it also makes you, if you're sitting there complaining about it and you're in a room full of women, it's going to make them hesitant about playing with you, too. Oh, hell yeah. It's going to make them hesitant. And here's the other thing. If you start whimpering about your dick not getting up, it's a lot like a cold. Okay. You walk in and you start sneezing and coughing all over everybody's stuff. Makes know other people like my god i kind of don't feel good too okay so if you're a guy and you're having trouble like getting it up and you're running around again get it up okay great thanks for pointing and reminding all the rest of the guys in the room their fear of you know that ever had that happen to you uh i i've had it happen but i've been able to block it out but okay it can create the other way too though so let's say you got you know johnny whimper dick over here because his dick's not getting up and he's telling everybody in the world about it and a couple other guys start getting the fucking the virus too at the same time start getting the same the same the link you know limp dick syndrome and then you got it it never fails it never fails in a situation like this the most arrogant fucktard that's at the party is the one that his dick is screaming he's taking seven viagra this motherfucker can drill holes in a fucking concrete wall and he will tell everybody well at least my dick's up you know and at that point again it's it's a mood killer like half the shit at a swingers party to be a successful swingers party is just to relax and have fun don't panic there's very little things that you can do to to to totally screw it up that that's one of them you know i I mean, about std that'll kill them that'll kill a mood at a at a swingers party entertaining sure appropriate no uh you know stuff like that i mean there's just little things like that that you can like avoid then the other thing is after the fact again okay we talked about this before like the whole erectile dysfunction thing getting in your head if you let orgasming whether you do or don't get in your head you will walk into the next time you're gonna hook up it's already there and it's scratching at the back of your brain right and all of a sudden it's in your brain and now it's a mind fuck and once you get a mind fuck it's hard to get rid of them now with some guys that that come fast i've had some people before a hookup go well you know i've been so excited that it might you know it might come fast i'm like well that's okay we'll just give you some rest time and we'll go back at it right exactly and and that's one of the things you have to do is that sometimes look number one if you're getting along well enough it's okay i mean most people like us okay you want more than just once okay remember okay when you're watching porn right you're actually watching a porn what you need to do is you need to take and watch and see the fact that they keep showing the same shot and the same angle like over and over again because the dude doesn't actually last 30 minutes no okay that is not what's happening i think they've done statistics like the average fuck time is like seven minutes or some shit okay so now one remember if you don't brag ahead of time about i'm gonna fucking five hours okay that will help but the thing is is that what happens is these folks take and and they keep showing the same you know the same thing over and over and over again in the corner we go well we got to go longer than that well no if everybody's having fun you fuck then you chat and then you fuck some more and that that's the whole idea of it most people don't want just a absolute one and done where you're just like all right that was great well good night everybody we gotta go type scenario right so you know i mean that's not the that's not the the whole thing with that so you don't want to take in you know i mean keep it keep it real keep it within perspective just just a scotch sally said success isn't in the in a climax it's in how you choose to spend your time with the others that that is the greatest statement ever that is absolutely an awesome statement look we've had we've hooked up with people that the sex was okay i mean it wasn't bad i mean's hard to find bad sex. Bad sex would mean you broke my penis. That would be bad sex. Okay, but the sex was okay. Right. But it wasn't like off the fucking charts sex. But the night was a blast because of sitting around and shooting the shit, joking around before, joking around during, joking around after. That made the sex fucking badass. That made the, not the sex, that made the night badass. And you walk out going, well, that was a fucking ball. That was fun. We've had sex where it wasn't the greatest sex. And there wasn't a lot of personality that went with it. And we've walked out going. What the hell just happened? Yeah, what what a waste of time we've had really good sex that didn't have any personality with it then we walked out going okay great sex does not compensate for a great time overall and i i would totally any day of the week take four hours of having a blast laughing and fucking around and telling jokes and doing all that shit versus just fucking once. It was incredible off the charts and leaving. I don't know. There's something about whenever you're telling stories about shit when you're naked. That is always way more fun. Well, how you tell it. It is fun. That's because I'm animated. It's my dick my dick is flopping no you want to know the most fun about uh you see this more like when we fucked up with just couples couples on couples couples on couples is that like a movie what could be soundtrack anyways so uh the thing was is that we ended up over the course of a night there's a couple of them i'm thinking of okay let's see if you remember some of these as well uh where we ended up fucking like four or five times but okay the initial time when we first got to the hotel it was obvious duh we're gonna start fucking but every the rest of the time it was just kind of like we're sitting there talking and laughing, on you you and him are on one bed her and i are on one bed and we're laughing talking around joking around and then all of a sudden one of the two groups just i don't know i mean you know you're sitting there you guys are laying there and you're kind of fucking tickling his dick and she's doing the same thing all of a sudden next you know you and him are fucking again and we're talking and and then all of a sudden we're fucking that was a that was fun that was a great night and we ended up fucking like i said four or five times i think we left at like six in the morning right and and but that was awesome yeah the sex was hot but it what really made it hot hot was when then it was just like sex all of a sudden just kind of started springing up there was no it wasn't like well do you want to do you want to fuck again it was just like all of a sudden like i'd start to kind of start to get a heart on all of a sudden she's sucking my deck game you know or whatever the case may be then you and her were kind of all of a sudden you guys were sitting there and all of a sudden you two are playing and it was just like that was fucking hot and it's totally unscripted unscripted sex is fucking hot i don't care what anybody says i mean with the house party it's a little different because i mean we kind of had that at house parties a little bit yeah but i mean unscripted unscripted with a house party, it's a little different because, I mean, we kind of had that at house parties. A little bit. We have. But, I mean, unscripted, unscripted. With a couple, that's just, like, really hot. Really, what I'm actually saying is we really need to do that again. Like, soon. We need to do both again. We haven't been at a house party for a while. It's been a long time. I know. We need to go to a house party. So we'd like to be invited to your house party for unscripteded sex that's kind of what we want to do uh we're hoping you'll you know send us a line let us know we'd all be in on that is it really unscripted well it's kind of unscripted look can you imagine going to now think about this for a minute can you imagine having to be like the the house party director so like a cruise ship director okay you go here and one and two and go i don't think that's how that works i don't now we have heard about somebody that they're really good at making sure there's always somebody with with everybody at their house parties they're like being like a sex hostess i i mean i don't know how that works it's like okay who who are you fucking oh you don't oh you come with me And all of a sudden you fuck them I mean, I don't know how that works. It's like, okay, who are you fucking?
Speaker2: Oh, you come with me. And I'll say, no, you fuck them.
Speaker1: I mean, that's just like, okay.
Speaker2: I mean, that gets kind of like fucking bizarre to me a little bit.
Speaker1: A little weird.
Speaker2: Like anything that we see anymore is weird. This is true.
Speaker3: We went to a party and watched somebody get punched.
Speaker2: Yeah. By choice. By choice.
Speaker3: By choice.
Speaker1: Put in the face. Really hard. What exactly is weird at this point in time there's there's nothing there's absolutely nothing and that's what it is yeah so i've been to one where they've cooked breakfast yes shit we have two we've been to two where we had breakfast that's always nice by the way if you're throwing a house party a lot of people stay till six in the morning having bacon and eggs that's a great choice just saying uh make sure we have toast too because we still are drunk uh yeah we do like that that was awesome i forgot about that because they were good cooks too yeah crazy one of nights this year we may have like a breakfast thing i'm thinking yeah we'll have like bloody mary's and shit let's keep the party flowing oh jeez how many times have we driven well does it count does it count stopping at mcdonald's how many times have we driven home and caught breakfast at a fast food place trying to beat the sun coming up okay holy fuck sunrise pictures oh god those are the greatest nights ever because they were never planned you don't have your sex bags with you you don't have your sex pants you don't have shit and you're totally by the time you get home you're totally doing the walk of shame maybe we we're just not prepared. Oh, fuck. Maybe you always carry it in your car. We need one for home use. We're going to have to come up with the chasm of travel kit. That would be awesome. Well, we kind of have one that we have kept in the car. Remember for a while we started to keep another outfit in the car and shit? Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's fucking... We haven that was awesome we were so tired our kids fucking kicked us off of their fucking social media accounts and shit because it got tired of seeing the sunrise pictures sunday morning sunday morning pictures coming home yeah maybe a time or two your makeup all fucking smeared all over the place my clothes all fucking disheveled and wrinkled and shit yeah the dog we get home we get home the dogs are all excited they're like it's morning we're like fuck you we're going to bed we're going to bed don't nobody call come over no time early uh-huh there's a reason we record these shows so late what do we do morning stuff just isn't our thing just saying it's not your thing oh i'm sorry perky all about perky all right this is an excellent time for us to take a quick break all right our second half of our show is brought to you today by www.crazykazma.com that's right we have our brand new website up and running uh it is talks about the crazy truth you can find out a bit about miss amanda and i about the history of casba not only that but guess what you actually are going to be able to go to our online store that's right kids finally a place for you to buy your black rings to buy harness going to be harnesses there's going to be paddles there's going to be patches and so much more so make sure that you go to www.crazy.com bookmark it visit it often and we're back why do you love that so much? Look, it's pregnant pause. Because I went. Actually, what she just did there, for everybody who doesn't know, she just orgasmed. I did not. Yes, she did. I'm making faces. You hold your breath when you orgasm. I do. Your eyes don't usually get all buggy. No, I usually have my eyes shut. Yeah, I know. I've never made you orgasm so much that your eyes have almost popped out of your head. No. Maybe that's why I have my eyes shut. I need to step up my fucking game. What's that coming out of your nose? It's jizz. What? That's funny shit. Okay. So should we do another question?
Speaker3: Why else are we here?
Speaker1: Because we just like to talk and look at each other. Like we gaze longingly in your eyes.
Speaker3: I can't see in yours. So it's all good.
Speaker2: That's right.
Speaker1: Because that's the gateway to my soul, motherfucker. And I keep that hidden. I've been drinking all day.
Speaker2: Okay.
Speaker1: So our next question comes to us from Joanne and it comes to us from Utah. Joanne is in Utah. Okay. She's a Ute fan. That would be Utah. Okay. That's her basketball team, football team, Utes. Anyways anyways so her question is my husband likes to have ant flow sex i.e. period sex is it wrong to go to an event a swing event when you are at that time of the month okay so forgive me because initially I know it's natural and everything else but like most guys I initially just went but there's some guys that get into it they do they do no that's just that's that's i don't know i obviously not having a period i mean i get bitchy like i would sometimes i mean let's i'll call it what it is but not having one i don't know. So you tell me. I know that we never used to, when you could, have a very – you were not up for – It's messy. It's gross. No, but you weren't – I find it gross. Right, but you – no, not just you weren't funny. You never liked to go to events. No, even if we weren't gonna play or there was no intention to play you you didn't like to go to events because you always felt like it you as you explained to me because it took me a while to understand this i'm like but we don't have to do anything what are you looking at yeah yeah you You know, the puppet needs to go up your butt. Anyway, so the thing was it as you explained to me was you didn't feel pretty well you're bloated you have cramps you're moody wait you're moody i guess i never saw that okay sorry see i'm still learning shit and you haven't had one for years okay so go ahead
Speaker3: I don't feel attractive and then you go to a party and watch everybody else have fun and you're not going to play. Wow, that's exciting. It's hot to watch, but then you're sitting there going, great. It's hot. And you were never one.
Speaker1: You never used to like to just suck dick to suck dick. Unless you were really drunk. But you were always like, there's nothing in it for me.
Speaker3: But I want to get off.
Speaker2: Right.
Speaker1: Well, some girls get off with just sucking dick.
Speaker3: Well, I get wet, but I don't have an orgasm.
Speaker1: That's not off. You know, the lights may flicker, but it doesn't mean they're shut off. There's a total difference there. Do you know how hard it is to come up with these analogies? Okay, so the back story, though, is I was always weird about it. I'm not a guy that gets into fucking earning my red wings, blah. That's not my thing. Ew. really? That's what it's called? Well, yeah, earning your Red Wings. Or some people like to, you know, fuck the Red River. I mean, it's happened on accident. Yeah, yeah. Surprise! Well, I mean, there has been times, yes, I'm 46 years old. I have my Red Wings. I don't want everybody to think I haven't earned the badge, but no, yes no yes but it was never my thing it was just always kind of like whatever you had to actually tell me i can remember this this was the greatest line ever you know you you can touch me just because i'm on my period it doesn't mean it's a disease so i mean and i didn't even realize i wasn't doing it or you know but i mean so and i get that some guys are like whatever but now i've also heard and and give us your comments crazy guys that absolutely love it well and there are some women that will only do that with their husband that it's like more of a personal a personal thing uh and and other people that you know there's some guys that just look for that i don't i don't. So my answer to this is, look, you can still go to events. You can absolutely still go to events. But this is a huge but. You don't fucking play without letting your play partner know first let me reiterate that one more time you don't fucking play without letting your play partner know first i.e giving them the option shall we tell a story oh go ahead okay so we went to a house party one time and it was probably the last house party it was the last house party we went to actually and it was early and there was icebreaker games and there was shots and there was liquor and whatever and so all those things were partaking of and the party's getting ready to go and people are pairing off as what happens at a house party so the fuckery literally is about to begin i'm eating a girl out numb and i go to fuck her and this line i need a fucking shirt that says this and this line comes up oh hey just so you know no she had to go get lube
Speaker2: I'll see you next time. And this line, I need a fucking shirt that says this. And this line comes up. Oh, hey, just so you know.
Speaker3: No, she had to go get lube.
Speaker1: Yeah, she went lube. Yeah, she got lube. And she says, oh, hey, just so you know, I just started my period, but I'm wearing a cup. It should be okay. And my response was that it was so yeah i and and my boner it was warm out it was warm time of year my dick turtled harder than a fucking being naked in a blizzard and guess what i'm like i gotta go have a cigarette and i was done for the night done for the night i almost threw up okay now here's the thing i understand the idea of the cup and the whole nine yard and i'm not judging the person for coming to play but i would have liked to known that before you ate her out before i was slapping away at the cooter okay just kind of saying and the thing is is not being somebody that's into that and then it was awkward because it was like where's coal because one cigarette turned into like three and seven and a pack and a pack and a half and and i never you know i never took my pants back off i was done done for the night and people like what's going on so then i then then it's an awkward situation right because i don't want to ruin the party for everybody else i don't want to go and out out anybody else i don't want to do any of that so i can't really say anything so then i'm having to lie well i just you know i ended up putting it on myself saying that i was having issues that i was just having issues and i just wouldn't work so i put it on myself and it wasn't until after the fact that people like wow i can't believe you know you you know most of the people here so i was really that i was able to say this is why that happened and the thing is is like look a little bit of hey this is going on then i could have politely said hey no worries that's not i'm not into that the person wouldn't have been offended because we could have that and there's probably somebody else there that was into it exactly there there was somebody else that there that had no problem with it because she did play with somebody else she did tell do it the same way she did it with me which is the wrong order and they're like sweet okay yeah i'm not gonna like okay i'm no porn star okay but my dick's okay it's all right realistic or not my worst fear was that it was it was like an indiana jones movie i was gonna hit the cup it was gonna tip over and i was like it's like christine all over the place you know i mean that was like my horrible fear so irrational i know but there was somebody else there but then the thing is is that there was somebody else there that was into it they did hook up anyways i could have still hooked up with somebody else but then on top of it i made out to be that i was the one that had the issue or you know that was my problem because i didn't want to run anything look a little common courtesy goes a long long way. Now, look, if you're just going to suck a guy's dick, do you need to go, hey, before I suck your dick, I'm on the rag? No, I get that, okay? But if his fingers are doing the itsy-bitsy spider and headed down the spout, you know, let him know before it gets there. Okay, I'm going to tell you another story. This is fucking horrible. Actually, it's kind of funny. I was a senior in high school. Okay? Oh, God. So a senior in high school, I was dating a younger girl. She was still in high school. It was perfectly legal, so don't go there. And we went out. We were going out on a date which dates consist of going out and parking that's a general rule that it is what it is uh so we'd found a nice dark parking lot which sometimes is challenging in the city that i grew up in found a nice dark parking lot and we're making out and things are going great whatever and i'm gonna go down to finger banger oh my god and now she goes wait hold on i go what she digs in her pants and throws a fucking bloody tampon out the window and i'm just like are you sure it have blood on it you know what i know i didn't look out of that close i was just like she could have just been prepared just in case well you know what luckily i was prepared and brought a pop so she could suck my dick and we could move on and go to a movie that was the first time in like multiple days we actually went to a movie i'm like oh i was so fucking i'm like are you fucking serious? And I'm not even going to lie. You know what's really bad? This is horrible. So when we get to the movie theater, right, I get out. And I purposely walked around the long way around my car because I had this horrible fear to make sure that thing didn't get like, that she actually got it all the way so it didn't stick to the side of the car. Well, the last thing I want is a tampon running up and down, a used tampon on the side of my car. How the fuck do you explain that to mom and dad when you get home? I don't know if somebody threw it at us. But she was amazed. Someone thought it'd be funny. She goes, I can't believe we're really going to go to a movie. I can't believe you just pulled the tampon out right before he's about to finger bang you. So, look, we're both surprised. Isn this great yeah that was now see i had a boyfriend in high school that he liked to have sex on a period why though so i wouldn't get pregnant so it's not so much guarantee yeah it was not so much he actually liked having sex well he probably did but it was really messy it grew on him Ew, that's gross Well, but I mean, okay, I get it
Speaker2: If you don't want to get pregnant I did, but it was really messy. It grew on him. Ew, that's gross.
Speaker1: Well, but I mean, okay, I get it if you don't want to get pregnant. And look, there's times I've been horny enough through the years.
Speaker3: There was other ways that you could probably have prevented it, but hey.
Speaker1: Were you into butt stuff then? You hadn't sucked a dick yet. You sure had taken a dick up the ass. Maybe if you sucked cock at a younger age then maybe then maybe he wouldn't have to have like that was like at his house and in his car and shit no it was at his house in his bed how the fuck do you explain to your mom when every other day you're washing your sheets
Speaker3: hey mom i need my sheets i always wrote on top so it was on him and he would just get up and
Speaker1: clean it off but that means that he's filling okay how often do you have sex Let's do it every single day. It was damn near, come down every single day every single day it was damn near but not everything here's the bottom line is he's a dude how do you explain that how does he explain that to his mom i have no idea yeah i know this is weird and i'm always the guy look the other night we had sex and i shot it on your stomach because i hadn't done that for a while right what did i give you to clean it up a freaking sock a sock why did i give you a sock because it's the closest thing right there right it is what it is look at 46 years old we have towels hanging up in the bathroom we don't have cum towels hanging up in our bedroom i need to have some in the bedroom no obviously how often do i do it not very yeah you're not gonna have towels what do you have have his and hers his and hers jizz towels that's what you're gonna have you're gonna have his or jizz towels we're gonna have a line of those hanging up maybe wet wipes that might be better well i mean and this is our bedroom why do you have jizz towels there because every once in a while i like to shoot it on my stomach but never on my face because it's swimmers okay so you don't have that so what do you do you grab a sock so i'm guessing he's a high school age boy. He's grabbing like a dirty shirt off the fucking ground and clean it up. And he's got to explain that shit. Because we walk into the bathroom and we both clean up. Jesus. Yeah, I know. I just want jizz towels. I've always just given you like a sock or shit. you have sock or underwear well that's because you know why i do that this is awesome because you got pissed off the one time when i did it and you're like get me something and so i just grabbed the blankets and remember when i did it just put the blanket over you and patted it. And then you had this jizz-covered blanket. And you're like, ah. And I did it in a way that there was no way that you could put it over on me. So you were getting the double. You were the creamy filling of a wet spot. Because you had your wet spot and the jizz spot on top.
Speaker3: That's worse than a wet spot. I'm sorry.
Speaker1: Yeah, because it sticks to you weird.
Speaker3: No, and it's cold.
Speaker1: It does get cold faster. You know, there's got to be a scientific study out there somewhere on why exactly jizz, used jizz or deposited jizz, whatever, gets colder faster than water.
Speaker3: Well, the wet spot isn't necessarily water.
Speaker1: Well, Jizz isn't water either but you're also laying on it and it's making keeping it warm you're nesting in it you throw it on the blanket air hits it just right it gets cold but you got a little thing swimming in it that should create some friction jizz sickles really here's the thing you know what i'd love to try that theory out like jack off outside in the winter and see if it freezes faster but i'm a dude and you'd be turtled so then you'd just be like yeah you couldn't do it it wouldn't be possible it'd be weird though if you you know when you take like the hot water and it's freezing you throw it in the air and it turns snow. Wouldn't it be funny if there was something like you jizzed, and you shot your load out in the cold,
Speaker2: and it would come back.
Speaker1: It's like snow.
Speaker2: Wow.
Speaker1: Them tadpoles are dead.
Speaker3: No, they're just frozen in time.
Speaker1: Take a jizz second. Okay, that's what we should do. This could be a funny prank.
Speaker3: It's going to take a while, because I don't jizz as much as I used to anymore. Fill an ice tray with spoo, freeze it, and then go to the sperm bank. I'd like to make a deposit. Oh, seriously. Jesus. What good? Good grief. No. Don't't eat those those aren't a snack these these popsicles are awfully salty yeah you have ice cubes let's put them in our drink it's the weirdest color soda i've ever seen turn kind of salty there's the ice melt there was clumps so gross you know the worst thing about coming in blankets is that not only do you do you deal with the spoo at that moment the coldness or maybe because sometimes you know it gets on the blanket and then i'll like roll and i'm in it and it's cold try to scoot away but then later but before it gets hard and crunchy it's like all of a sudden it's like rubbing, putting rubber around it. So, all of a sudden, you feel it kind of pull your skin. You're like, ew. And then later, in the middle of the night, you'll be like, roll over, and it's like, crunch. It's like you're rolling on, like, leaves, and you're like, oh. You're like, what is it? Oh, yeah. That's where I jacked off. That's my jazz. That doesn't happen. Look, I can point out spots on our well not now we just clean the bedding but on any given okay look when i jack off i'm notorious like on my hand i'm like and i'll swipe it on the side of the sheet on the side of the bed have you never noticed that in all the years we've done laundry no look my side of the bed up about dick level is like bulletproof.
Speaker2: You're getting towels in your nightstand. You really are. That's gross. You're going to make me throw up.
Speaker1: What?
Speaker2: It's dry.
Speaker4: You've had worse than that in your mouth.
Speaker1: I'm not telling you to lick the dry jizz up. Like a flaky pastry.
Speaker2: What?
Speaker1: You don't ever fucking get shit on you and just kind of look Okay, look. Yes. Have I wiped it? Lume. Well, okay. I've had lube on my hand and there's been times when the dog walked by and I was like... And I was just like pet the dog. I mean, you know, I can't wipe it on you. So I'm like, good boy. I'm a guy. Look, I've done that with fucking. I've been eating snacks before and had my hands covered.
Speaker2: Like, okay, I've eaten a McRib at home one time. You weren't home. I had a McRib. It was really messy. And I was like, oh, I don't have a napkin. And the dog's like, hey, what's going on?
Speaker1: I'm like, good boy. And look, here's the thing. Everybody's happy. My hands were clean. The dog thought he tasted wonderful and spent the rest of the day trying to lick his ears and his back because he was like, I smell barbecue sauce. Maybe if you'd be a little more open-minded to eating jizz, I'd be that way for you too see what i deal with sometimes i have no words i didn't did not know that you did not know that i would like just wipe my hand on the side of the no i figured you'd pick up your damn sock and wipe it on my socks gross and my hands like jizzy and dirty from sock shit i used the clean part of the sock on you it actually covered the jizz just perfectly because it was like an anklet sock it just covered it perfectly it's kind of funny i kind of giggled when i did it i'm not even gonna lie that was funny shit look you got mad at me when i used the fucking decorative towels i remember that i grabbed a decorative fucking towel out of the bathroom and you didn't see it until after already wiped up the jizz. You got mad at me when I used the fucking decorative towels. I remember that. I grabbed a decorative fucking towel out of the bathroom.
Speaker2: And you didn't see it until after it already wiped up the jizz. You got mad about that. You got mad when I used the blanket. You got mad when I used your shirt.
Speaker1: All right, I'm picking you up a jizz towel.
Speaker2: I'll make you one. I like when I used your shirt.
Speaker1: You didn't know it. You put it back on.
Speaker2: Yeah.
Speaker1: Oops, sorry. Crunchy. back up yeah oops sorry crunchy everybody every guy does it okay the worst part was when i jacked off the one time and the sheet was kind of up so i actually thought i was on the sheet but it's on the mattress that was weird so i'm like well that doesn't feel right at all and you know the mattress is not near absorbent to jizz as the sheet is these green sheets you have on right now you know what the problem is it shows a dark stain even until it's like completely dry it's like i'm gonna throw the blowtor girl fucking try that shit out just saying jeez you know really yeah well you know oops why do you do that because i don't know just says what it is. I don't even remember what the original question was, actually. But at this point in time. See? They have sex towels in the bedroom, in their nightstand. Are they? Well. So I'm going to get you sex towels for your jizz. Here's what's funny. You know, that's dangerous because here's the deal. What do we have in both of our nightstands? Think about this for a minute. What do we have in both of our nightstands? Guns. Yeah. So if you break in, of our nightstands guns yeah this is if you break in we're gonna shoot your ass now what's gonna happen something's gonna break in all i'm gonna do is i don't know which you're in i'll throw a cum towel at him ah motherfucker i got dna now cocksucker you'll know the difference i'm gonna panic i don't know if i will or not if the jizz tower now if i've used it a long time without watching it it could be so hard no one will know the difference oh my god hey look you know it's true because you bitch about my snot rags too yes everybody listening here's the deal i'm the guy that i don't use kleenexes i grew up using hankies and so and kerchiefs and so i still do that but then like if i can't find one i grab like a towel and just blow my nose in the towel sometimes i tell miss amanda sometimes i don't it's kind of a game i play anyways so now so you get mad and you pick one up and there's kind of crunchy and it's just some boogers what are you gonna do when you pick up a towel and it's like i made it into like a letter and it's like a ceramic because it's got so much jizz on it. Did you see the hell I went through with all boys in the house? Did you, I did, we should ask the world's famous sound guy. Did you have a jizz towel? Okay, good. Oh, see, he learned that. So he had one, a jizz towel.. He had just how when he was growing up and now, you know, Kleenexes, but see, I never needed that shit growing up. Cause here's the deal. I don't use lube when I jack off. No, you don't. I never have. I don't. And we used to have a neighbor that she was like, Oh my God, he goes through like a bottle of lotion. I'm like, I never use, I never used lotion. For what? I never used lotion. I never used lube. I never used, I just, I learned, okay, little trick for you. I learned that different tightnesses give it a different feel. So here's the deal. Sometimes you grip it like it owns your money and you just, wham, and you beat it within a fucking inch of its life and it will come hard and then there's sometimes you just kind of keep it kind of light open grip so it's like it's kind of like the wind but with a little bit of friction and then sometimes if you get really creative now here's the thing to be honest with you okay coming like that it's awesome not gonna when you do real light that is awesome the problem is i don't have the patience for that so what happens is i start doing it that way i have the best intentions of the world i'm like i'm like you know what i'm totally just gonna do a soft jack up jack up best intentions of the world and like midway through i'm like i just want to fucking come so then all of a sudden i just choked that little motherfucker and I just and I finish it off like a boss and then i'm disappointed in myself and then i'm like oh damn i wanted to go soft that time and you know it is what it is i don't know oh it's time to go oh fuck all right well there you go you know what next week's show is going to be about jacking off obviously because you guys are acting
Speaker2: totally
Speaker1: look man I'm going to write a manual on this shit okay so with that being said
Speaker3: I have no words
Speaker1: I want to take an opportunity again to thank our sponsor Spunk Lube I'll use you when I start jacking off Spunk Lube www.spunklube.com
Speaker2: Thank you. I want to take an opportunity again to thank our sponsor, Spunk Lube. I'll use you when I start jacking off.
Speaker1: Spunk Lube, www.spunklube.com. Remember, you always have a friend in CASBA, K-S-B-H, in the coupon code, gets you a 10% discount. And also the brand new and super exciting www.crazycasba.com website.
Speaker2: That's right.
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