Krazy Truth #244 I touch myself!

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth. I'm the host with Mosin, I'm Cole, and I'm here with the lovely, lovely, and cool whip addicted Miss Amanda. Yes, I do have a problem. Or hay. No, I don't like hay. Don't admit you have a problem. I'm not a horse. I don't eat hay. I have my whip cream. All over you. So, if you want to get laid with Miss Amanda, what you do is you walk up to a party, whip your dick out, and spray whipped cream on it. She will suck the shit right out of that, just saying. Yeah, yeah, probably. Now. Most likely. Not everybody. You better have a full can. Bullshit. No, not everybody. Enough whipped cream, I'll bet you will. Enough alcohol, enough whipped cream, it's all good. It's going to be great. You're going to gain 800 pounds over the next event, because you're going to be drunk and eating fucking cans of wine. It has to be the fat-free Ready Whip. Yeah, it's got to be fat-free. Ready Whip. Ready Whip. There you go. And then we can do Whippings later. They need to be a sponsor, right? Yeah, no shit. If we can get Ready Whip to be a sponsor because you'll suck more dick that way, I'm fucking winning. Anyways, for those of you who care or want to know or maybe you've never seen our show before, hi. This is season six, episode 244. 244 times we've done this. Wow. That's a lot to put up with your shit. And still, nobody's listening. They do. I need my nails to be done. Anyways. You need what? My nails to be done. I thought you said your nose. Never had it done the first time, but maybe. So, look at my pretty hair. So, uh so yeah so a quick shout out to our sponsors first asnlifestylemagazine.com if you want to know what's going on in the adult world that'd be like the porn world as well as the swinging world that'd be what we do except you do some porn stuff too when we videotape it anyways you want to check out asn lifestyle magazine three million readers can't be wrong make it a habit to it today. Also, Nightcaps. We're very proud to be associated with Nightcaps as seen on Shark Tank because we do legitimately give two fucks about people. Do not trust your safety or the safety of somebody you love to somebody you don't know. Nightcaps.com. It is a drink spike prevention scrunchie. If you go to Nightcaps.com and order yours, don't forget to put nightcap10-casbank in the promo code and get your discount. Or you get them with our logo. You can go to fullswapshop.com. We do have them. You can get them with our logos. It's not a mood, it's a lifestyle. And finally, you know, sex is good. Sex is great. Everybody likes to come, but no one likes to sleep in the puddle left afterwards. No more wet spot. That's right, nomorewetspot.com. Get the blanket designed to catch your bodily fluids and make it dry for the rest of the evening. Nomorewetspot.com. Don't forget when you go there to use Full Swap and get 10% off your order today. Finally, hey, you know what? I do want to give a huge shout out. Proud and happy to let people know Pride. That's a health clinic in Bellevue, Nebraska. It's the official health clinic of CASBA, which even if you're listening from far away, they will take phone calls and answer your questions. They are officially open. They have an open house tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow, I do believe. But they are officially open and taking clients. So keeping everybody safe in the lifestyle, we're very proud to work with Pride Health Clinic clinic and we encourage and hope all of you will check them out if you need references for health clinic in your area please give them a call we'll make some put some notes in on the um on the the thingy down down below down down where's the thing down below the description down below yeah well just get bitch. Put your fucking phone down. Well, I was trying to find a video. This is like being at people's houses. It's like we have company here, and you're like, what can I look at your phone? Well, actually, I was trying to find the video of me with the whipped cream, and I couldn't. Did you find the video you sent from the bathroom using a necklace? Just saying. We're going to have, hopefully, a link to a way that you, too, can get one of Miss Amanda's new favorite toys, her vibrator necklace. So we're going to work on how she can get that because what do you spend on that? Like $37. $37. Does it work? Yeah. Obviously, it shook her clit right to a new level of fucking habit. Here's the question. Can I take that on the plane? Yeah, most of all. Yeah, it's a necklace. As long as it runs through the scanner, as long as it's not a bomb, which it's not.
Speaker2: It has like batteries and shit in it.
Speaker3: Wait a minute.
Speaker1: Well, a lot of things have batteries in it. As long as it goes through the scanner, they might have to turn it on.
Speaker2: They might have to go, what is this? And I go, it's a vibrator. You want to feel it?
Speaker1: Yeah, you might have to turn it on, quite honestly. You probably will. But the thing is, does that make you part of the Mile High Masturbation Club? The question is, here's the question. Will you be gutsy and just grab a blanket and put it over your lap? Or are you going to go to the bathroom? I don't know. I'd like a soda and a towelette, please saying i know like i've never asked for a blanket on a plane well this would be you know uh i brought it in my check bag so there you go so tiffany just let her see there you go she's putting your check bag and that's when you get on the plane put on your accessory your clecessory uh yeah so this is the important these are the important things that we know you're dying to know about. Accessory. Your clissessory. Clissessory.
Speaker3: Clissessory. Yeah, so these are the important things that we know you're dying to know about. How can you join the Mile High Masturbation Club? Is it really? Could it just be the Mile High Club? No. No.
Speaker4: It's sex with yourself.
Speaker2: That's masturbation.
Speaker1: So what's the definition of a Mile High Club? Just literally fucking, or can it be other things? Look, that would be Mile High Club with an asterisk. Because you didn't fucking have two people. Well, I don't know what's considered part of the Mile High Club. I don't know. I mean, if we both jack off at the same time, maybe that will be... You're going to fucking Google that. Are you fucking shitting me? Fuck yeah, I'm going to Google it. Duh. Yep, everybody's breaking... Everybody, look at all you fucking whores and horny motherfuckers on our page. It's fucking. Everybody, everybody's bringing fucking, everybody's putting things on there about buying their sex toys in their carry-on bags. You dirty, dirty girls. Hey, they're in Illinois. For those of you who don't know, we recorded this live in front of our live Facebook audience. That'd be off Crazy Kaz Bank. Shh! Don't tell the others. It just says it's a euphemism that refers to highly unofficial group. Composed of those who have had sex in a plane in transit. But it can be solo sex. It didn't say it had to be two people. Well, why don't we just do it right and recruit the rest of the plane and see if we all just do it together and we can have an orgy on our way to Vegas. That would be much more fun to me. Now we're reading. Anyways, okay. Good Lord. So, we're here today to tantalize and titillate and whatnot. What do you want to talk about today? I don't know. You don't know? You have no idea if there's nothing you want to talk about today? Why are we doing it on the show if there's nothing you want to talk about? Why does it have to be something I want to talk about? Because it never is. We've done 244 episodes with you having no ideas talk about saturday night i'm sitting on the couch and all of a sudden i get this girl sends me tit pics i'm like wow okay i'm like well hello i don't really know what to respond and i didn't really think she was that into girls but okay and then all of a sudden i get another one a guy and i'm like well hello what the fuck do you say i've seen his dick before but i'm just like um okay and i'm like you will not believe this i've gotten like two people randomly send me pictures what the fuck is going on this is just weird and and i'm just like oh really oh really and then he starts giggling i'm like what did you do no somebody gave it away so i was like well i know cole said no that was no no you gave it away first and then everybody was cole said to send you pictures you go oh it might have something to do with the posts i put on. Look, I was sitting there. I was in my office. And I was like, if you're happy and you know it, clap your hand. I'm like, well, if you're horny and you know it, send my Samantha dick pic. So I was like, oh, here we go. I appreciate every single one of them. What is so awesome about social media is you put that out there. That was on Saturday night. We're recording this on Tuesday. And I'm still getting some today. We're still getting some because people are just now finding the post. And right when it should be deep enough down that nobody sees it, somebody goes, done, and it shoots right back to the top. Well, the funny thing is because someone goes, well, how many did you get? And I'm like, well, actually, I think you're like number 50. And they go, that's it? What did you expect? Don't worry. Not everybody sends them. Two years from now, now someone's gonna see that and go oh okay and send it to you're gonna this is gonna pretty much open the floodgates non-stop forever i was trying to be helpful what i was doing was because see i have this grand idea we need to have the a casbah deck of cards right so we need the dick of dick deck of cards but i didn't just geticks. I got pussies and tits and stuff. Well, there's queens and stuff in every card. I just... Well, it's... Look, the thing is, is it's awesome because people are so used to not being able to send stuff. One guy, he was like, well, how many have you gotten? I sent only about like 50, but I think it was like at 47. Well, 48 because somebody sent one in my one my text message but whatever and then he's like well I was gonna send you one okay never did I'm like okay and he goes but usually you have to ask I said well Cole did and he goes well yes but you technically have it and i said you're gonna make me ask for one and he goes i think so i'm like well shit i'm like i've never asked for a dick pic do you know what the funny thing is how many people are like all right cool you better not be getting this in trouble like tons of people didn't believe me that's why you didn't get more a lot of people didn't believe me or like or didn't believe you know they're like They're afraid I was setting them up to get in trouble. It's like, cool, you better not be getting this in trouble. Like, tons of people didn't believe me. That's why you didn't get more. A lot of people didn't believe me or, like, or didn't believe, you know, they're afraid I was setting them up to get in trouble. It's like, no. You wouldn't get in trouble for sending me anything anyway. If I put it out there, it's totally okay to fucking love. The only thing you'd get in trouble for is if you sent something really, really mean. Right. Then I won't be happy. But, you know, you're spreading joy. You're spreading joy. You're supposed to be spreading something. and eventually, you know you're spreading joy you're supposed to be spreading something eventually you know just saying what i don't know anyways so it's this is this is the kind of stuff that we do to to to booster morale in society as a whole people we did we did selfie seminars we wanted people the chance to show off what they learned use that newfound knowledge i've seen the form of a cock wonder twin powers in the form of penis i'm just saying wait what cold trouble they go together that's not true i'm innocent as fuck okay so he can sometimes get in trouble i don't ever get. What do I get in trouble for? Well, lots of shit. But that's the side of the point. I shouldn't get in trouble because I'm a prince of a man. I wrestled with the dog this weekend and all kinds of shit. I'm sure my phone will be full once this is over. No fucking shit. Hopefully so. So if you haven't sent him, send him now. We'll make sure I'll send her email out so that people know for their listening to this, too, how to send you a dick pic. Well, it doesn't have to be dick. Just dick. Well, dick, pussy, whatever. Genitalia pictures. It could be boobs, too. Okay. Any other body parts you want to add to the list? An elbow. Oh, you're fucking. Do that. Be careful because I'm going to be a dick because I'm going to fucking, I will absolutely run with this. You have no idea what the level degree of assholery that I will do with this
Speaker2: for a picture of your elbow.
Speaker1: She actually jacks off that
Speaker2: curve. Actually, if you can send me a picture of your hip and the curve of a hip.
Speaker4: You alright there? Uh-huh. Do you need a towel? Nope. Actually, if you can send me a picture of your hip and the curve of a hip.
Speaker3: You all right there?
Speaker1: Uh-huh.
Speaker3: Do you need a towel? Nope. You sure?
Speaker1: Yep, I'm good. Do you need a necklace?
Speaker2: Nope, I didn't bring it with me. It's in my purse.
Speaker3: Go on.
Speaker1: It's in my purse. Of course it is. Don't leave on my, have your license? Nope, but I got my vibrator.
Speaker3: Okay.
Speaker1: So, yeah. So, what do you want to talk about i just talked about it well that ain't we got a little more time to fill than that but we're 12 minutes in are we fucked already wow that's amazing that is absolutely what did we talk about earlier that we thought we should talk about not earlier but like a week ago i actually doing just to see how much you actually listen to our conversations and pay attention. I listen to all of our conversations. Retaining is a different story. Do you? Retaining is a different story. Okay, so we'll go this way. We started to get a couple questions this week, and I found it kind of interesting. And it goes along with your plane thing. Not sort of, not really, in a very roundabout way it involves masturbation but not planes just saying anyways so it's funny because uh there is a there's like an an underlying thing uh when you're a kid and and you know everybody denies they jack off then you get older and everybody admits they jack off and then you get to a certain age you're jacking off together and then people admit that it's hot so the question and we got I got an email and they didn't put I actually thought I was joking well I almost deleted it because it had no info on it but anyways what it was was about acceptability of jacking off at a swingers event so i thought that was kind of interesting and at first so at first it was just it was very just vague jack and i'm like and there was like 25 spaces between the paragraphs i don't know if they like they're doing a voice text message or something. Anyways, and then the second part was not hot wifing. Give us your opinion. So is jacking off, is masturbation okay at a swinger event? Not hot wifing. So I'm going out on a limb here, and I'm going to make an assumption because we don't know for sure. I had no way to follow up or anything else. They're talking about, is it okay to, like, watch and to jack off? It would be my guess. And I thought that was kind of interesting. And the reason I think that's interesting, it's not surprising with, like, a hot wiping situation, right? That would kind of make sense. I get that. But what would your opinion, what would your feel be if we were in a group setting if it was just couples if it was to us another couple it wouldn't be that big deal my other guys have kind of some issues whatever right but what would your opinion be if you're in a group setting of like i don't know let's say four couples that'd be eight people right okay if if you're in a setting of like eight people, everybody's playing, but one person, doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl, well, maybe it does, maybe we'll hit both, a guy or a girl isn't participating in the group, they're just watching, but they're jacking off. Would that, would that, I don't want to say interfere with, or would that throw off you, or would you think that was odd? What would you think, what would you feel about that? I don't think to say interfere with or would that throw off you or would you think that was odd? What would you feel about that? I don't think it's odd at all. It's live porn. Right, but they could be participating in the live porn. Well, yes and no. Maybe they don't feel like there's somebody that can approach to do it. But the thing is is that if I'm going at it, like when I was on the bed with a girl yeah right yep and i look up and somebody's staring right in my eyes yes to see them jack off i'd probably put more of a show on okay but that okay right now i'm gonna i'm gonna play devil's advocate a little bit well first off let's put if it wasn't uh wow an exhibition type thing where others are inviting invited in i would think it's appropriate. If someone just walks in on me, no, thank you. That makes sense. Mike, absolutely, with permission, exhibitionist love, voyeurs. We were asked by a cinema if we could watch at KSN. Okay. But I'm kind of putting more. But watch and masturbate are two totally different things. Because you can watch. Well, but it would make sense. But I'm talking more that you have an even number. This is like a couple's thing. You're eight people. But if they're really into watching what is going on in front of them versus participating, why can't they? okay so then let me let me put it this way would you want them to either i don't want to say ask but explain that they were going to or give some sort of some sort of of he he peated some sort hey, this is my thing. Like, versus, okay, I'm not explaining this for a while. Versus all of a sudden you look over, it's like everybody's doing something, but one person's sitting over there. No, you're explaining it just fine. I'm just waiting for you to stop talking. The thing is, is that, what, so he interrupts you in the middle of sex to say, is it okay if I masturbate watching you? Not is it okay, but maybe at the beginning. If somebody's really into it and you're still at the introduction stage, and they say that that's what they like. Do you feel like if Alston, nobody said anything, you're thinking it's going to be an eight-person melee, and it turns into a seven-person melee, and one person just jacking off, that won't throw you off?
Speaker3: No.
Speaker1: At all? No.
Speaker2: Most likely, I wouldn't be paying attention to what they're watching or what they're doing.
Speaker1: See, that... Okay, so hold on. As long as they are... Then again, if you start fucking around out in the open where everyone can see can see you kind of forfeit your ability to pick and choose who gets to watch and who doesn't that's true my my thing is i think that some people all right wait as long as they aren't hovering over me without being invited i don't care okay my thing would be is i think that a lot of people knowing the type of phone calls i get and the type of messages i get i think a lot of people especially if it was a male versus a female i think that a lot of people go that guy that that guy was being a creeper he was just even if he was part one part of the couples i think that a lot of guys would be it would be almost perceived as being the creeper just watching uh larry i've heard of where it was agreed among head of time that they're probably playing so one can watch see to me that would be that would make sense to say hey if you had no and if you had no intention if that was going to be the way you played was you wanted to jack off, only that to say, hey, as things are going. I might just stand over here because I might just really want to just jack off. Right. I really get off not so much participating but watching to at least let people know because I think that would eliminate some of the creeper factor. What have I seen you do when you've had your dick out yeah i think every guy wins your dick's after watching you start playing with like a monkey hope and it gets started no i go come here yeah well yeah well yeah no you do well and the thing is and if that's why i think isn't communication important because if what they really dig is just to watch watch this way you don't feel like somebody's like oh they're being left out well no that's their thing uh yeah but okay so think about one it wasn't really a party it was more of a club-like setting when they first opened right right and there was one couple from a different state in there yeah that we'd known but never seen him play or anything yes we were all going out on a bed and they were sitting in a corner where he was kind of jacking off she was sucking his dick while he was watching right so that's kind of ish except his wife was there helping him right okay so mike said this is a fairly common thing, at least events. We attend room doors open. People are invited in. She just did a massage table fantasy where guys were encouraged. Were encouraged. Like everything in lifestyle communication up front. Jessica, I think it would be different if it was, say, at a hotel party where the door was open and I was in the room fucking with the door open, some guy I didn't know came in and just started jacking off, that is different to watch than to watch and jack off. Yeah, but the first hotel party we ever went to, and we were new. And the door was open and some people came in and we were joking about watching geriatric sex. Yeah, because I got in trouble. It's like, she couldn't come. I was fucking her. And she's like, I can't come because I'm laughing. Shut up, Cole. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. So it wouldn't surprise you. I mean, see, but that's the thing. I guess that wouldn't faze me. Open door, to me, if I think that it comes down to communication. If you know that that's what you're going to do, then there's nothing wrong to say that's what you're into. It's no different than if you can't just look at it this way. If I'm into handcuffs and all of a sudden we're in a group of four couples and I don't tell anybody and all of a sudden I reach in a door and fucking clunk, clunk, and I handcuff somebody, everybody's going to be like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, but I don't think that was masturbation i don't know but here's the thing even even in our quote with the people this is the part that's interesting and you said it a couple of times if he the general thought process is majority of times you see a guy no no no no Because the majority of times you see a guy... No. The majority of times you notice if a guy is doing it. And here's why. You can sit there with your vibrator at work, pull your necklace off, and hold a little spot and not move. And away you go. Yeah. But for a guy, think of our motion detectors on our house. What sets it off? If you were jacking off out back, if you were jacking off in a chair, it wouldn't set it off because you don't have to move. I'm jacking off in back, even if it's little, it's setting off because of the movement, you're going to see it more. So part of the question is, when it comes to that, is it a different thing? It's no different than bisexuality of males. It's fucking, anybody's okay watching a girl just fucking go out another girl. Well, we were having a threesome, like the very first threesome. Many, many moons ago. You were fucking her, and I was sitting on the bed with the vibrator. You were. Right, but that's one of the things that I think is interesting when it comes to like that. I have never in all the years that we've been doing this, in the six plus years, however long we've been doing this, I have never once. Six? Or seven. No, that we've had CASBA. Oh, my God. We've been doing it. My God, your numbers keep changing all the time. I don't even know. I'm 33. We've never, I have never once, and all the time we've had Casbah Inc. We've done the Casbah. Ever had somebody
Speaker2: call me
Speaker1: and say, oh my god, this woman started fucking flicking the beans, started jacking off, and it creeped me out. I have never ever once heard that. But I've heard it a million times about a guy, even guys that I know that I know they weren't Thank you. out i have never ever once heard that but i've heard it a million times about a guy even guys that i know that i know they weren't they're not creepers in any way shape or form if i'm six foot 290 pounds if i walk in your room even if you know me and i'm a little tipsy right let's just let's just plant the seed cole's had a few rum and cokes and I walk in, you're fucking, hey Cole, what's going on? Nothing. And I just start fucking whacking off and I'm like, uh, okay. And everybody knows who the fuck I am and it would still creep people out. If you did it, everybody would be like, there would be nothing. Hold on. Wait a minute. She's telling you what, uh, and cole's backyard with the lights nope just cold just me jacking off again now it's a party uh larry some people have performance issues uh maybe we can only get off masturbating never know yep uh if a woman was mass Scott if a woman was masturbating while in group play chances are hi another person in that group would attempt to engage her absolutely if a woman just i'm gonna say that if let's go back to the open door scenario at a hotel party a woman that nobody knows walks in and she's hot right walks in lifts her skirt sit down starts watching starts jacking up that bitch ain't getting booted for nothing everybody's totally cool with that chick being there they're like hey what's going on if a dude walks in and drops his pants or lifts his kilt and does the same thing somebody some guy is going to turn and go you know what can I help you if like Shelly put as long as they're not hovering over me. If a girl comes over and starts hovering over it, and you've been drinking, you're like, ah, no one's going to say a word. I come in and start hovering over it, people are going to say something, it's going to freak them out. Not that that's necessarily wrong, but I think it's interesting how even this concept of masturbation at an event, I think it changes based upon the sex. Yeah. So the question comes back to, would it be a problem? Okay, wait a minute. While we, fairly new, and have encountered this so many times at clubs and hotel events, assuming it was a common thing. think i think with an open door
Speaker2: here's what's weird the thing is is that i don't remember ever granted i'm not really paying attention but anytime that we've had the door open or we've careful careful where you go here i've never seen anybody jacking off
Speaker1: no but i have seen them get their dick out and usually it's by somebody's invite Ha, a sudden there was nobody in there when we started and all of a sudden the room was jam-packed full of people oh fuck look the party had moved the word spread this is like a lord of the ring like lighting of the torches that were going across the hotel that's the first time i ever saw you know my god it was so hot but i don't remember i remember looking up and there's like a shit ton of people in there but beyond that wait just a second yes jessica you're exactly right women do rule the lifestyle but lifestyle but let me put this out here before you go too far away with that pumpkin i do remember you saying to her hey let's go let's go put on a show i know i know what i was doing i was sober it was a hospitality room the horns of Gondor goes screaming out amongst the people to let everybody know. What? There was like 50 people in that room when we got done. The elevators had to fill because your husband, who was trying to get pictures, couldn't even get close enough, was getting out of the way so people could get closer. You would have thought it was, like, a gladiator fight. Like, they would have started throwing money. It's like, once you guys got out the fucking, the double-horned dildo. Oh, my God.
Speaker2: No, it was a strapless strapless.
Speaker1: A strapless strapless. Yeah, then it was like, then it became rodeo night. And it's just like, yeah. You like that? I'm going to get bashed with the good Lord of the Rings. I just totally, like, geeked out, right? That reference. Mm-hmm. But I did do a great Horns of Gondor. I don't know.
Speaker2: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know. Lord of the Rings. I just totally, like, geeked out right there in reference. But I did do a great Horns of Gondor impersonation, just so you. But now we need one of those for the next party we go to. Okay, everybody who thinks that we need to have, this needs to be a thing now. We need to make a nationwide push. Don't tell anybody, but wherever you're at, the next event you go to, get a horn like like that and blow and we'll start teaching everybody that that's the sound of an orgy so when when so people all over the country when they hear this the horn of gondor they'll come we can know that it's time do i need to order one yeah we do absolutely so okay so now let me ask this. I'm going gonna stick with this masturbation thing because somebody put it earlier on uh about sometimes if a guy has trouble getting off that's i want one they they get off with masturbation right okay so i'm gonna put this out here because you. Okay, so let's share some more Cole's inner Cole. Because this is always fun, right?
Speaker3: Yeah.
Speaker2: I'm not spending 80 bucks for you to just be able to blow it.
Speaker1: Fuck yeah, for an orgy horn?
Speaker3: Ha ha.
Speaker1: Fuck yeah, you're spending 80 bucks. Yeah, I can spend it.
Speaker3: 80.
Speaker1: Call it my birthday present early, motherfucker.
Speaker3: Oh, whatever.
Speaker1: Anyways, so we know that a lot of times for me, I've finished. I may have been fucked don't need i want to blow it not fuck it okay so the thing is if you'd like to contribute to the show send a horn of gondor to kaz bank i'm willing to admit a lot of times i finish when we fuck jacking off yeah right okay so you're. Okay. So you're used to it. Usually after we're done, I get out a vibrator and jack off. Right. Okay, but the key brain is you get off a couple times. Yes. Let's put a good plug in for Cole. Yes. Don't just say yes in case they didn't get that word. Cole keeps going, and then he doesn't want to finish, so he goes, just hop off. Okay. And then you jack off on your own. And this is where I need the Horn of Gondor. Ho. Anyway, so you're used to it. But my question is, if a pedazzled microphone. Oh, my God, yes. So give me one of those. So if, would it, see, I can't ask you this because it wouldn't freak you out. It wouldn't surprise you. Would it bother you if a guy did that other than me with you? Jacked off? To finish. I don't know. It would be different. I wouldn't. Okay, so even with even with me i mean if we were going for like 45 minutes i go oh my god i can't take anymore and he goes well i have to finish off and i'm like okay how can i help what you do is bring a ready whip just hose it down there it's better than loop no so let's say it's now 45 minutes i guess the question is this if you're going for going for three minutes and said, get off, I need to jack off, I'd be offended. It doesn't bother you on Sunday morning at our house. I'm just kidding. It's longer than three minutes. The reason I ask that, though, is because, again, I had an interesting scenario recently because a lot of times I don't come, right?
Speaker3: Right.
Speaker1: It's kind of a crapshoot if I will come. They really wanted me to come. They could have fucked me for three days. It wasn't going to happen. My penis is weird. My penis does one or two things. It either just ignores everything or just goes and goes and goes no middle ground but that was the only way i was gonna come right so and and the situation presented itself that that was the first time i've ever done that in front of somebody other than you and i was and i was nervous about doing that because it was like okay well the person was We'll be right back. And I was nervous about doing that because it was like, okay, well, the person was legitimately really upset. It's like, oh, my God, I didn't do a good job, which was not the case at all. Well, okay, so why did you feel like you had to come and not wait until you got home? Legitimately, because the other person involved was like legitimately upset. Not like in tears upset, but like apologizing, which is not how this works. Wait a minute, we're getting usually the whipped cream's two for five at bay because we need to start going there. No, shit. Make sure it's a ready whip, sugar-free. Fat-free. Fat-free. Bring the PA system out. We'll plug the Hornigandor through that motherfucker. No way. So, the thing, but it was weird for me to do it because that was the first time I'd ever done that in front of somebody other than you. Yeah. And then after the fact, I was like, could that have been? But there there's a difference you know with me you feel like you have to because your other your your lonely nut will actually hurt that motherfucker turns blue and sore no it hurts it literally is sore and it's like you got kicked in the nuts again nut so no because sometimes i feel like a nut so you have to but it's waiting till you get home i don't know i mean is it wrong that i said specific like they wanted to help but i ended up having to be like give specific instructions there's nothing wrong with that it's okay no it's kind of weird because i did give specific instructions they How do I put this? Lick my nipple and rub my balls. Ball. Ball. Yes. But it's weird because, honestly, I felt, it's like, that's not me to be like, hey, now do this. Now do the hokey pokey, turn yourself around, you know. At least you didn't say, here, get up close and let me joke you thank you for adding that part in i really appreciate you through that part in thank you put your hand on my mouth struggle are you done how about we let me determine how much shit i want to share okay you don't have to agree to it, dumbass. I think the redness in my face probably gives it away. Yes, but so, yeah. Now I'm just totally completely here. Because honestly, I thought about that in my head. I was like...
Speaker2: Oh, you'd scare a newbie.
Speaker1: I don't think it's just a newbie. I think it's just like you just go, hey, I know that, you know,
Speaker2: I'll see you next time. to scare a newbie i don't think it's just a newbie i think it's just like you just go hey i know that uh you know i'm okay with it because i have 100 trust in you that you're really not gonna like hurt you you also you also had 30 years for me to lead up to like before i just it wasn't like you know hey day one hey do you I cover your mouth and you struggle? I mean, you had like 30 years to know that I wasn't actually a serial killer before we got to that point. And even with you, I was like, nah. Can I do this? Hey, this is going to sound really fucking weird, but. Now he's giving himself away. I didn't say shit. At this point, though. But he did he did great news now here's one of the things that he seldom gets into but when he gets into it then when he's done he's like i'm so sorry i didn't hurt you did i i'm so sorry i know not hurt but i've learned to just go Consent non-consent It's like acting
Speaker1: Yes Homes are No, sometimes it gets fucked. Consent non-consent, yes. It's like acting. Yes, homes are a penalty. That's why we need swinging to make it more exciting. That's just the shit. Now, you know what? We'd sell more videos now and people are like, I just want to see what that fucking goofball wants to do. No, no. God, there's one time I shared the picture somewhere. Yes. Consent non-consent in a very mild fucking yeah yeah very mild form is somewhat is somewhat hot but yes and it did take and i was fucking terrified to fucking ask you the first time yeah i know and then i actually felt really fucking guilty like the first five or six times we ever did that afterwards like i am so do it that often i like wanted to go all scarlet letter Here we go. five or six times we ever did that afterwards like I am so you don't do it that often I like wanted to go all scarlet letter that reference no I know what the scarlet letter is right so you understand should I explain when the because the the priest is the one that knocked her up in the scarlet letter so and then as punishment the whole time she wore the scarlet letter every day he flogged himself for it to punish. And so after the first couple things we did, I felt like, oh my God, I'm such a fucking piece of shit. Yeah. No, I'm not going to ask somebody new to do that. Hi, great news. This is the first time meeting up. Hope I don't scare the fuck out of you. Shit. Yeah. Awesome. Anyway, I think, I think if I didn't know you you'd be like no we're getting back to the masturbation thing thank you i think if i didn't know you and you're like well i have to get off or something or you know if i begged you to get off i guess if i begged you to get i would get off really fast you're like please come for me daddy daddy please come i'd probably just blast a little i know your trigger words i know what things to do to trigger you to go i'm not stupid i'm all millennial how do you trigger me who do you want to fuck next yeah yeah that's yeah man is dirty secrets yeah you start you want to fuck next what do you want to do do you want to get them from behind oh fuck yeah do you want to fuck next? What do you want to do? Do you want to get them from behind? Oh fuck yeah Do you want to see me touch her? Oh daddy Once the D word comes out Oh boy Yeah there's times I used to say I just have trouble I can't say it You can say it when I'm'm drunk you have no problem saying if you're like tired of me bouncing around you're like as i look back now i think about all those times like oh yeah i was super drunk you can see your face just like oh daddy it was like you were just like it was like it's like i equate that to like being in a spaceship. It's like, ooh, the emergency escape hatch. Daddy. The way you shoot. Free at last free at last yeah you know turning all crimson and stuff stop it your partner knows your button's a little wimp when it's all over you know what to say you i don't know i don't know what to do to you sometimes you do it depends on my mood it does change well yeah because sometimes i think i'm the world's worst because i'm the idiot that thinks i'm doing something and then like six months later like you know it doesn't do anything for me i'm like well fuck why did you stop me for all these times i'm like trying to be creative and you're're like, yeah, that doesn't do shit. It's like, really? Well, that's awesome. There were times it did.
Speaker2: There were times, yes.
Speaker1: Early on, I would be like, open your mind. Or I'd say somebody you wanted to fuck or somebody you'd recently fucked. And you'd be like, bam.
Speaker2: Bush, yeah.
Speaker1: Now that doesn't work worth a shit. You fucking dirty, dirty slut.
Speaker3: Awesome. Now I've got to have a Rolodex next to me What letter should we start with today? Should we go with the B's? No, I'm just kidding And today's list is Bob And see, for a while you haven't grabbed my arms or anything That's because it stopped For a while it worked It stopped working But it hasn't been done in a long time And like, it's not that bad. And see, for a while, you haven't grabbed my arms or anything. That's because it stopped. For a while, it worked. It stopped working. Yeah. You know. But it hasn't been done in a long time.
Speaker1: I'm like.
Speaker3: Here's the problem. This is what's not fair.
Speaker1: This is the problem with what's between guys and girls. Seriously.
Speaker3: You can call me daddy 50 years from now if I'm still alive, and I'm 100 and shooting dust out of my dick. You can go, daddy.
Speaker1: I'll be like.
Speaker3: By then, it might be like great granddad or something. Granddaddy. I don't know.
Speaker4: Whatever. Yours changes continuously. It be like, great-granddad or something, granddaddy, I don't know, whatever.
Speaker3: Yours changes continuously. It's like, how does that move?
Speaker1: At one point in time, I could grab your fucking wrist, and you'd be like, gush. Now I can, like, fucking grab your wrist, do the hokey-pokey, do whatever. You're like, okay, you're gonna let me go, ooh! You know, it's like, what the fuck? It's not fair. I know what's gonna turn... The same shit that makes me come now is the shit that worked when I was fucking I don't know. you know it's like what the fuck it's not fair i know what's gonna turn the same shit that makes me come now is the shit that worked when i was fucking 13 and figuring out how to jack off like hey daddy wow i mean it's the same fucking shit it's not fair just saying you got nothing on that do you this is why the women rule the lifestyle right fucking there because your shit moves it's the same reason you guys can't jack off in a timely manner it's our mindsets mindset my dying ass lacy it's the fact that it's the same reason why you guys can't jack off in a timely manner no that has to you go with okay when i first started jacking off I didn't know about inserting anything in anywhere. It was my finger on my clit. My poor wrist was sore as fuck. And she used to look like Popeye. Even when we, even, shit. I should kill the person who first got you a toy. dumbass but i didn't use any any vibrator on my clit until we got in the lifestyle the very first one someone had a wand yep and they're like and i'm like oh my god i've never had this before they put that on you you're like holy fuck and then you go to you know then you go buy one not necessarily a wand but something that vibrates because wands are loud but then it desensitizes things so now I don't even think I could use a fucking finger on my clit your fingers can't go fast enough I, your hand doesn't even reach that fucking speed now. It's like, seriously? Here's the thing. As a guy, like, trying to kind of wait for you to get off. I mean, my fucking wrist is sore. My dick has no skin. I'm like, jeez, come on. Fucking. You're like, oh, had it. Now it's gone. Had it. Missed it. It's like. Maybe it has to do with age. I think it has to do with lube. Everything else is fucked with age. No, everything is lube because it's like slip. Because anytime I reach over to try to help and like push it on there, I'm like, I'm going to hold that motherfucker. It's the reason why guys can't fucking eat a girl out and get her to off very easily. Because as God is my witness, I never knew a tongue could go numb until I started eating you out. And you're just like, click. And then any time I would have to swallow, because I'd have spit and shit, and then you'd have to start over. It's like, oh, you were so close. Fuck! And honestly, like, I'm so glad that you shaved, because without that, you're just like, you're trying to cough up hairballs. But if you haven't shaved for a while, now you know what it's like to lick sandpaper. So now, not only does your tongue go numb from the back of your tongue, but it's like you put something hot in your mouth and you burn at the top of your tongue. Your taste buds are all, like, scratched off, and you're, like, your're like hey it's like don't stop i gotta spit the blood out because my tongue is shredded i get done and i've like got fucking shards it looks like my tongue like roast beef and you're like oh it might be a little rough i have a and you're just like you know
Speaker3: this is if I have a shave for a couple of years. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? And you're just like, pfft.
Speaker1: It's just like, you know, this is, this is kind of a normal, a normal thing.
Speaker3: Just, just,
Speaker1: do you know why sometimes I like in your pussy? Is that just,
Speaker2: because it's off?
Speaker1: Because it cools it off. It's a friction. It's like heated up.
Speaker3: My tongue's like,
Speaker1: and I can smell it starting to cook.
Speaker3: Oh, quick,
Speaker1: get in some water. I don't care if it gets you off more it just cools everything down so i can kind of fire back up and keep going no one said you had to lick it i seriously thought i was having a stroke because my jaw started to hurt so bad that's why i like that's why i do the suction cup thing where i'm like... Oh, my God. And I just like... And suck onto it. Because what I'm trying to do is hold on for dear life. Oh, my God. Quit making me cry. Holy shit. With any luck, I'll get a new CPAP, which just has the air thing for my nose. I'll be good. I'll be able to breathe and go. Okay, don't touch it again. again no it's fine i don't worry it's it's sad it's not fun it is there's a huge satisfaction there oh when you finally get there you're like oh and you're like this is awesome now the next day when i you thought i would have a headache i was going to gas him because my jaw hurt but you know you're such a dick no it's
Speaker3: look
Speaker1: when you You thought I would have a headache. I was going to take action because my jaw hurt. But, you know. You're such a dick. No, it's, look. Stand-up comedy by call. When you put in that much work to watch you fucking go like, and make me like stop because we've hit the spot. That's like the fucking lottery at that point in time. and all i can think about now is after you taught me how why other girls squirm away and shit and i was holding them down because i was like fuck you ain't getting away from me i feel horrible because i was well trained on how to go a long time just like until your whole face goes numb these four girls i'd have just held them trapped for hours. But you learn stuff. You think? Yeah, well you... girls, I'd have just held them trapped for hours. But you learn stuff. You think? Yeah. Well, how do you think I learned the thing of nibbling? To occasionally nibble. You're trying something different. Well, will this work? And that's what we do. I don't know if this has anything to do with masturbation, but, you know. Apparently not. Actually, no, it does. Because here's what it does. All those times when I have trouble and couldn't get my dick up. And you always know when I'm having issues, right? Because what's my go-to move if we're in a group study and i'm having issues right i'm figuring an arm down because i can see you're touching your dick yeah so i do the monkey thing where i'm grabbing my dick pull my pud pull my pud look at the kids looking at you pull your pud yay play with the ball whatever and then i figure i'm buying myself 20 to 25 minutes to try to get it to try to get. And when she goes, oh, come on up and fuck me. You're like, I'm not done yet. And then you're done. I love your arm sore. Your mouth isn't working. You're dick hurts because you're yanking on it like a lawnmower. It's just one of those things. I'm so glad we're swingers.
Speaker4: Just saying.
Speaker1: Stand-up comedy by Cole? No, I just... No. I'm just being real.
Speaker2: You went...
Speaker1: About the same length of time it would take to get you to come if I was eating out. You can't... I just don't eat out easily. You don't say. You should see her trying to pick a restaurant. She's not lying. She does not eat out easily at all. Where do you want to go? I don't care. No, but that's where I've. It's hard to get me off. It is. That's where I've learned. Let the vibrator do the work. No, a couple good thrusts first. first get you all ready and then pull out and then go oh and then you're like whoa and then when you when you hit mickey mouse mode oh you know you're there that's when when i was younger and had more energy fuck you pull out each out a little bit fuck you pull out each out you know because i know that yes were you not there i was eating somebody who the fuck was i mean huh great you've fallen asleep during it took so long you because you like to fuck after after you have been eating or after you use a vibrator then you like to fuck it makes the orgasms more intense You say, mmm, like you're just learning this. I'm just saying.
Speaker3: No.
Speaker1: No. It makes the orgasms more intense You say, mmm, like you're just learning this I'm just saying No Do any other guys have any of this? Am I the only one doing this? Apparently I am No, because I've been with other guys that have performance issues And they eat out I don't just mean performance issues I mean about I said they eat you out. Right. Well, yeah. It's a safe maneuver for you to grab your dick with supposedly being really subtle and still doing something sexual to supposedly get things going. For some reason. No, I get all that. I think every man's penis has figured that trick out and goes, fuck you, that ain't gonna work. You know know and maybe if we didn't touch our dick while we were doing it it would be more like you could trick your penis into working I don't know because obviously we can't eat out worth of shit when you're doing that because if I'm trying to eat a girl out because my dick's not working I'm over here doing the monkey pull on it honestly my brain is not focusing on focusing on her pussy. My tongue is like, it's like, hey, little buddy, you take care of this. And your tongue is going, because you're focused completely on making your dick hard. Get hard. So we can't even eat out good at that point, how I would imagine. I'm sure lots of girls are really excited to fuck me now. Boy, I sure hope Cole fucking just slobbers on my pussy for a while. That'll be hot. Good grief. You haven't lived until you say it's not wet enough and I spit on your pussy because I will do that because I think it's funny as hell. What a great show. I don't know where we came to this at all. I don't know because because you have a little bit of attention deficit disorder. See, Scott goes, you weren't the only one, and now you've given out our secret. I probably just lost my man card. This is probably like a magician. No, now don't kid yourself. Every wife that has a husband that's gone through it knows when a guy has one arm and he's eating you out. We're not dumb. Also, I just got this huge pirate look out of my mind. Arr! Oh, look, he's went to one arm! You know what I'm going to do now? As God is my witness, I'm going to go as a one-armed man for Halloween next year and call myself a pussy eater. That's what I'm going to do. No, I'll go as E.D. I'm going to go. See? I've never been married and I knew that. My Halloween costume, I'm going to tie one arm down to my side and I'm going to go as E.D. I'm erectile dysfunction. That's what I'm going as. Oh, god. I still gave away secrets. This is like a magician telling how the trick works. No, we all know. Yeah, but we like to pretend you don't know. Well, we can still pretend we don't know. But we do. Now it's out there. Now we're just going to look like, you can't get it out. I really do like to eat pussy, so sometimes it's just because I want to. Just keep that in mind, too. One-eyed, one-armed pirate pussy eater. Oh, my lord.
Speaker3: All right.
Speaker1: Wow, this show just went completely off the fucking wheel.
Speaker2: We can get you a stump that's a dildo.
Speaker3: Oh, God. All right. We get so off topic. Match net. I'll bet the girls are just going to be lining up the next couple of weeks. No, you don't. Away we go. Just saying. You don't know. You know what? I actually maybe just helped every every woman in the lifestyle because every guy now is going to come up with a new trick so now we're gonna be like slapping your butthole or we'll be like you know we'll be doing something weird we'll be like throwing water on you or something totally different to like totally get you off guard i will now just know i will do that just because i am that much of an asshole. But I will do that.
Speaker1: I'll be like, what are you doing? There was a topic, Mike. We had a topic. We covered it. We were talking about masturbation. Yeah, there you go. It just led into comedy central. It's not comedy. This is about the truth. This is about hardcore answers to real questions that are really, you know, the meat and potatoes of the lifestyle. That's what this is. And it's sausage. And it's sausage and tongue and whatever. It's very many. I guess I have to talk. Oh, goodness goodness. Guess maybe you should pick the topic.
Speaker2: No, your topic was good. It just got off the topic.
Speaker1: It's a hands-on topic. And it's edible. It's an edible topic. Here's the thing. When was the last time? We don't have much time now. Imagine that. When was the last time that... Well, no, wait a a minute you make girls come all the time with your tongue how do you do that how come yours is so fast and the rest of us struggle so hard uh excuse me i don't know what happened there how does what oh balls i know so do you think that maybe at one of our events you could put on a class? On how to eat pussy? Yeah. I think, here's the thing. If you think, if you think or would attend a class, and we're going to need models. Do you know what one of the major tricks is? Wicker. A finger. What? Guys have gone away from that. Because we're using our free hands to try to yank on our meat, that's why. So, okay, so we need to, well, here's the thing. We're going to need people to be models, and we're going to need, if you're interested, if you think that you would attend a seminar by Miss Amanda putting on how to eat pussy or if you'd like to be a model send us an email saying pussyglass at crazy.casma at gmail.com and we will work it into our next fucking, our next event will have you eating, doing a pussy demonstration. See, we know what we like. And the big thing is a finger. It really is. I'd hate to ruin my nails, but I'm kidding. No, that's horrible. Okay, so this is, all right, so, well, this is, we can, we can. It's da-da-da. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Do that again, but in slow motion. Now, do we need to make the noise? Now, that's beside the point. Do we need to make the noise when we do it? Does that help or not help? Sometimes going, it helps. and yet and, since we've got all these secrets away about coal, does scissoring do anything for you? No. Now, if you have meat curtains, what scissoring does that for you? I think if my clit would be more sensitive, then I would. but see, if it's hard to get me off orally, why do you think rubbing clits would get me off? I don't know, because all the people in the room that are jacking off will get us off. See how I led that right back into the fucking, I read that back into masturbation. There you go. So sometime for the theme of the show. Hey, guess what? Speaking of all that, damn, it's time to go. I'll be damned. Hey, a quick shout out to our sponsors again. Thank you all. Make sure you check out asnlifestylemagazine.com. Make it a habit to read your new edition. There's a new one coming out this week, February's edition. Also, nightcaps as seen on Shark Tank. Don't trust the safety of yourself or someone you love. Keep the drink spike prevention scrunchie on hand. Don't forget to use promo code NIGHTCAP10-CASB. You can get 10% discount. And finally, don't have that wet spot, whether it be from Pussy Juice or Slobber. Go to nomorewetspot.com. Use full swap in the promo code, and get 10% discount on that as well. And remember, if you want to see Miss Amanda put on a pussy-eating seminar or be a model at said seminar at our next event, make sure that you send us an email at crazy, K-R-A-Z-Y, dot Kazbah, K-A-S-B-H, at gmail.com, and put Pussy Class or Pussy Seminar, I don't want to say, just put Pussy in the title. We'll figure it out from there. So there you go. You can follow us. Don't forget to follow us on YouTube which is hyphen Ucasma. That's the name of our channel. Follow us on Twitter. Don't look at me like you think I know. At Truth Crazy and on all of our other stuff. So doing the only way I know how, the only way I want to, and the only way I ever motherfucking will and get ready kids there's huge new announcements coming out then we got our birthday bash we got all kind of shit watch our page watch our events we get some cool shit coming casbah style out bye