Krazy Truth #230 How to get to Plow Ms Amanda

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth. I'm the host with the most, I'm Cole, and I'm here with the lovely, lovely and night owl and dark vision challenge, Miss Amanda. You're an asshole. And what's the proper and what? We're here to tantalate till late and possibly for me to get bitched out about lack of lighting in the studio. Again. No, no, we're going to go here We're going to go here Because the realization of Hey, I haven't been in the studio since last week When I was in here
Speaker2: You're here more than that
Speaker1: I am, yes
Speaker3: I am
Speaker1: I'm not Oh, how true, how true So this is season Now you come in at least twice a week Because you saved my rants And after that, then you leave and come back again on Tuesday I'll see you next time. Oh, how true, how true. So this is season, no, you come in at least twice a week because you saved my rants. And after that, then you leave and come back again on Tuesdays. It's not easy being a rock star. She breezes in. The limo pulls up. She gets up, breezes in. Desert segment breezes out. There's a meat tray waiting for her. Whatever. Just saying. Okay, so this is Season 5, Episode 230.
Speaker3: And, yep, so we're growing. That's what we do. We just keep adding.
Speaker2: Ch-choke.
Speaker3: Anyways, a couple quick shout-outs to some sponsors because we've got them. Ooh, it's so dark I almost can't read them board. Fuck off. Actually, no, it really is because the light usually is on that side, so it's actually dark. That's what's being thrown off.
Speaker2: That's why that's so dark and that's so fucking bright.
Speaker1: Would you like shades? No. Rumor has it we have some crazy casket ones
Speaker2: so you know the colors. I wouldn't be able to see.
Speaker1: What exactly do you have to see?
Speaker3: I mean, just
Speaker1: don't know out there. What are you
Speaker2: looking for? I guess nothing.
Speaker1: There you go, Piddles. don't call me pedals that's our little dog that's old as fuck that we adopted we call her pedals her hair yesterday they had the most similar hair yesterday it was cute as fuck okay anyway sponsors yeah we've got those asm lifestyle magazine.com smart swingers what do they do they read make it a habit every day to read every month to read asm lifestyle magazine I'll see you next time. sponsors yeah we've got those asm lifestyle magazine.com smart swingers what do they do they read make it a habit every day to read every month to read asm lifestyle magazine three million readers can't be wrong also safety we're all about safety and lifestyle we are proud to work with nightcaps.com check them out today don't forget to put nightcap10 slash casbah inc in the promo code and get a discount. Don't leave your safety up to other people. And finally, shameless care dot com, a company that was made by swingers for swingers. Everything from all your medical testing, no more excuses not to get tested, as well as some great options on ED drugs. Why suffer with ED when you don't have to? Actually, make sure you go to shamelesscare.com backslash ed hyphen trial hyphen offer and when you go in there you use coupon code kk50 and uh sign up today you'll be glad you did trust me you can use that coupon code for the medical test or the ed stuff as well so there you go so uh yep health tip of the day don't try to fuck a badger do you have the habit of just finding random animals to fuck uh no but i've been dealing a lot of people from different parts of the country that probably do so i just wanted to throw it out there as a safety measure uh because you know, although a honey badger does look cute, baby. I don't think they look cute. I'm just trying to help somebody. You never know. If you help one person, you've made a difference in the world. That's really what it's about. There's somebody that's like, I'm going to fuck a honey badger. And right now they may be listening to the show and go, you know what? I am not going to fuck a honey badger. Now, I could have said a Wisconsin badger. Sorry, Mike. But we'll wait for a couple weeks and I wouldn't play him in football. Anyways, just saying. I thought that was good. Wow. Is there an animal that you want to encourage people not to have sex with us for safety? If you can, if you want to, go ahead. I don't care. I'm not into that. I've had a week of fucking bizarre, stupid fucking comments. I'm just like, I don't even know. And somebody reached out to me and go, hey, so guess what? There's one people ask us if we want to do a family swap. I'm like, what? And immediately, bans were handed out all the way around. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm like, you know, the whole don't yuck other people's yum. Yeah, look, when it comes to shit like that, I'll yuck the shit out of it all day long. That's called illegal, just say no. Yeah, oh yeah. It's been a fucking... Well, they're talking, you know, it'd depend on if they were actually talking about... They were. They were. Because when they rattled off ages, they were. And I was like, all right, you need to be reported to the proper authorities. So I was like, are you fucking shitting me? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, trust me. The joy of this shit is you, we find everybody. And they feel comfortable enough to ask this question to i thought the one that was good was the one guy that messaged me and goes so what's this page about no yeah yeah obviously one of the things we found is tends to be uh some people tend to think that it's about like a swap meet i know fucking I have no fucking idea. Look, the degree of full moon stupid is just fucking, it's everywhere. Just, just everywhere. I don't even fucking know. I'm taking a drink from a soda that's not a soda. Men from Wisconsin just shouldn't fuck women from Minnesota ever, ever see what a badger does to go for hole oh good lord see this is what i love we've been on the air exactly five minutes and we are completely off the rail that's perfect there's not a lot of rail yet not really well we open the door and we're going to we never no we're not even going to try to find her now you're just shaking your
Speaker2: ratings and that's fine it doesn't really shake i've got small boobs apparently Thank you. No, we're not even going to try to find a... Now you're just shaking your boobs for the ratings. And that's fine. It doesn't really shake. I've got small boobs, apparently. Porn slap. Well, I'm glad I have the padded bra on today. There's nothing more fun than that. You know, I haven't actually tried to do that one. Dick. Just slap your tail. Smack of me? Yeah, you have. Not all out.
Speaker3: Well, we need to try that. Or there'd be an issue. It wouldn't be.
Speaker2: I'll bet if other people did it, there wouldn't be issues.
Speaker3: Nobody would get in the car and go, what the fuck was that? Right, but you wouldn't.
Speaker1: But if I do it, I'll get in trouble. But if somebody else just fucking pouring titty slaps it, you'll be like, okay.
Speaker2: So this week, the other gal that comes in at 6 o'clock in the morning like I do, isn't there. So Amanda's, like, taking off clothes. So Amanda stupidly gets wasted. Why do you even waste time getting dressed to go to work? We could just take the clothes with you. Because I have to get from the car in. No, we could get pictures of you sex-dogging, walking in naked. Patting across the floor. Of course, I'll be when somebody else is there, which would be funny as fuck. No shit. But watch. But there's cameras down there. Nobody watches. Nobody actually watches it. Because I'd get naked on one of the cars. See, exactly. This is, see, if you drive past work early enough, this is what you can see. Just saying, just throwing it out there. This is what we do. So I've been taking advantage of that. Have you masturbated on anybody's desk? Have you banged yourself with a mouse? Have you taken the phone receiver and just fucking squirted all over it? I'm just asking. I mean, curious minds want to know. I fucked on my desk. This week? No. In the past. In the past. Well, yeah, but we're talking this week. When have you shoved up your cooter this week at work? Nothing. Well, is that really taking advantage of the situation? Now, when I was sitting at the switchboard, I'm sitting there looking at my phone, and my hand brushes my clit and because i've been putting testosterone on it it kind of tingles it has more feeling than it used to so i'm like oh that kind of felt good so then i'm barely touching you know so you're sitting at somebody else's desk at lunch jacking off no it's not jacking off just make it it feel good. No, that's like just...
Speaker1: Just tickling it. We were just in a passing conversation. You were...
Speaker3: Teasing it.
Speaker1: You were blue-clitting yourself. That's fucking... Why would you do that?
Speaker2: Because it doesn't have the same effect as it does on a dude.
Speaker1: You have no idea. Your clit could be extremely hurt.
Speaker2: Okay, for me it doesn't.
Speaker3: It could...
Speaker1: The feelings could be hurt as fuck.
Speaker2: No, but I made sure I charged my vibrator last night.
Speaker1: Well, perfect. I don't know. does on a dude you have no idea your click could be okay for me it doesn't it could it's a feelings could be hurt as fuck no i made sure i charged my vibrator last well perfect it died right when i was hitting an orgasm i was so pissed and we are like just a little bit god i got nothing it's my luck why haven't you fucked anybody at work recently You need to whore out You need to slut up Oh there's somebody You're just being picky There's gotta be somebody There's always somebody You have to find somebody that you can have the conversation with No you don't You don't have time to talk It's a 15 minute break and you don't smoke You don't have time for a. It's a 15-minute break and you don't smoke. You don't have time for a talk. You don't have time for a talk. It's got to be like, you know, nod, nod, and everybody knows where to go and go. There's no chatting. This isn't fucking speed dating. It's speed fucking. There's a difference. By the way, if you're a farmer, and there's one listening, if you're a farmer and Miss Amanda would like to fuck on a combine, so you need to know. I've never even been in a combine. She's never been in a combine. I've never even been up close to a combine. Basically, if you'll let her look at a combine, it's like a hick version of slutting out. If you let her look at your combine, then she'll probably fuck you in it. So just keep that in mind. If you have farm equipment that you would like to be banged on or around, the bigger the equipment, the better chances you are you're going to get light. So don't try it with a lawn tractor. You're probably not even going to get a hand job. Just throwing that out there. Oh, that'd be funny. Somebody goes peeling up in the lawn tractor. Hey, it's a tractor. Aw, so close. So you want to do some bigger. What other type of equipment do you want? Right now there's people in all different types of jobs going, what other type of equipment will turn her on? Apparently. See, now it's coming in. We can make those arrangements. Mom has a combine. Come see Amanda. See, now we got... There you go. So I got Bob, Brian. Yep. So, now, is there any construction equipment you're interested in? People want to know. This is important shit. What do you mean you don't know? I said no. You wouldn't if the opportunity came to go fuck in a crane, one of those where the thing's way up high and you wouldn't go fuck in one of those? It'd be like the Mile High Club on the stick. And the box part or on the crane? There's a base part and then the part they drive in is up with the buckets up top where all their controls are out there. So you can skyscraper. You wouldn't fuck in one of those? Just asking? Yeah, I probably could. Probably could. It might shake a little bit. That might make me a little... No, it wouldn't because that's pretty sturdy. You were willing to go fucking suck a dick on top of a corn silo. Actually get fucked in front of a corn silo. Oh, there you go. We've got a wide variety. We've got a wide variety of things to try out. Oh, look. You can just go equipment hopping take one down next up next on the auction block yes we were supposed to fuck on the corn silo yeah but it was too hot and we were gonna get burned yes so actually it wasn't fucking because no one felt really comfortable about that because you don't like heights so it was gonna be to suck his dick and at this And at this point in time, whatever, I don't care. Do whatever you want. I'm not watching, so it's all fine. So the thing is, but this is what people want to know, is there other things? Because there's people right now that are going through, thinking of their jobs, like... The same guy wanted to fuck in a tree. But he likes heights. So, okay. Wait, what? We've got a new meaning of a crane with a wrecking ball exactly i thought larry that you were going to say like measuring dicks if that what you know i don't know everybody's got equipment out they want to know because people will be submitting all kinds of equipment requests what other what other type of bizarre things turn you on like that who said any of it turns me on you want to tell me that you roll up roll up to a tractor or a farm setting in this situation that you won't be turned on a little bit. No, you're going to fucking one of them. Yeah, wait. Notice the silence there. Yep. All I'm going to say is you have a GoPro or something to make sure we get pictures because that needs to go in the OnlyFans account. Just saying. If you're getting banged in a combine, yes, that needs to go on the GoPro. That needs to go on the OnlyFans. This way, for our East and West Coast friends, they don't think that the only way we fuck out here in a car is in a covered wagon. So, you know, that's kind of how that works works So if anybody Would you fuck in a tank?
Speaker2: We could even go try to Show the bull up in the pasture
Speaker1: Ah, whatever You could be a semen collector So How about a tank? Because you could have no pants on They could be in there going
Speaker2: Tank of what? Tank
Speaker1: Army tank
Speaker3: Thank you. Well, how about a tank? Because you could have no pants on. They could be in there going, blah. And you could be. Tank of what? Tank. What a tank. A tank. Army tank. Oh.
Speaker2: Military tank.
Speaker1: Military tank. I know you would get turned on on a military base because there'd be a bunch of dudes in
Speaker3: uniforms.
Speaker1: So don't even, don't even act like you wouldn't have.
Speaker2: I've gone on base and really don't turn on that much.
Speaker1: How many people do you fuck when you're on?
Speaker3: None. You're older and wiser now and way more slutty now than you used to be. You wouldn't. You know, a covered wagon might be fun. It kind of could be. Okay, it kind of could be. We could have a whole theme thing. I know a girl with an Indian costume, just saying. So the thing is... We could have fun with that, too. Yeah, it's what it is So military equipment Fire equipment I'm not just talking visiting and get to play with the siren I'm saying fuck on What equipment would get you off the fuck I don't know Because I have so much experience shit. Obviously, I know you don't know but you need to think about it and then here's what you do. Think. What are you thinking? If it tingles, see it's connected. Then go. What we're playing is like Family Feud. If I say a word and your clit tingles, hit the buzzer. But sometimes it doesn't work. Turn it on. That's what I do with mine. Are you on or on? Turn it on. Okay, once it's on, okay, it's out now. I'm on medication to get it to signal. Trust me, you get to rub yours to do it. Mine, I have to take a shot in my ass. So that's great. Just saying. The biggest waste of money I've spent on my entire life. Is it a shot in the ass? Yes.
Speaker4: Why is it a waste of money?
Speaker3: Because I was able to jack off just fine without the shot. So, I don't, you know, I mean, it took a little longer.
Speaker4: It wasn't as firm, but, you know.
Speaker3: Don't you have more energy, mental clarity? Yeah, I have all that shit, and that's fucking great. But I could have lived without that shit. I mean, now it's like, hey, great news.
Speaker4: It's like doing war games all the time.
Speaker3: I go and load the gun and unload the gun and put it away. Okay, I mean, there we go.
Speaker1: Yay.
Speaker3: But I've got more ammo stored up just in case. I'm tickling the fuck out of my face. Just saying.
Speaker2: Okay, so back to equipment that you want to have sex with. Oh, my God.
Speaker1: I don't care.
Speaker3: What?
Speaker1: I know you don't care. It's for the people listening. They do care. Okay, so back to equipment that you want to have sex with. Oh, my God. I don't care. What? I know you don't care. It's for the people listening. They do care. Okay. Firetruck, I probably could. Okay. See? Don't hand me the fucking suburban. No, no. An ambulance? Yes, no. Ambulance would kind of weird. I don't think I would in an ambulance. Okay. No, it's tough. I'm not getting an ambulance. Okay. So, uh ambulance. Okay, so of types, okay, here's a different twist on types of equipment because you need girl time and you're buying all the rest of that fun shit. So, which equipment would be hotter for you to fuck around with a girl on? Which would be hotter for a girl versus a guy? Which one would be like a pussy? Did I understand that? Which piece of equipment screams, mmm, pussy, and which piece of equipment screams, mmm, dick? This is like a game show. This is awesome. What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Yep, now you're going with it. Just saying.
Speaker3: Ow!
Speaker1: Don't let my fucking hands... Anyways.
Speaker2: Do they hurt today?
Speaker1: Yes, they do, but that's okay. Is this an... Is this an... Okay, so... Which equipment would be hotter... Now, here's the thing.
Speaker2: A lounge chair.
Speaker1: Okay, that's not a piece of equipment. chair Now because there's some Think about this Would farm equipment be hotter to fuck Is it a farmer Or a farmer's wife Because there's some pretty hot cowgirl looking Farmer's wife look out there But when I think of farm equipment I think of this manly thing so i really don't think of pussy okay so okay so what what do you think of when you think of pussy what what if i say pussy idiot what picture flashes in your mind pussy flashes in your mind not slowly draws an etch-a-sketch Flashes in your mind Let's try it again Pussy You're such a dick And the card says pussy Well let's flip the fucking rolls dude Okay So what equipment do you want to fuck somebody on? Are we talking with my hand or somebody else? Yeah I'm going to use use my dick. Yep, that's the one consistent part of either one that's going to be involved. Well, let's start with the pussy first, then we'll go with the hand. Because I figure the hand will probably go anywhere. It does. It follows you everywhere you go. It travels well. But do you prefer your hand or my hand? Well, it depends. Am I going to control your wrist? I mean, your hand knows you better. It does. it's my friend am i am i gonna control your wrist or not no oh well then no that drives me nuts i know the speed i know when to like kick it up speeds and stuff it's kind of i can't feel that for you it's kind of like running a weed whacker you know when you do it all the time you know when to go give it a little more juice versus you know if you do it too soon you're like you're just spinning for no reason but you're like you know if you do it all the time, you know a way to go give it a little more juice versus, you know, if you do it too soon, you're like, you're just spinning for no reason. But if you're like, you know, if you do it too long, or, you know, or when you're ready to and you're like, and it's just going slapping the weed and not cutting it. There's a lot of problems. There's a lot of challenges. Look, I'll be honest with you. Hand jobs are overrated, in my opinion, unless it's my hand doing the job. I mean, I want girls to touch my penis. I want girls just to touch me. I'm pretty happy with that. It's fine if they touch your penis, but they mean well. But it's kind of like having your other hand do something for you. It means well. It wants to do it like the regular hand does. But eventually, you end up insulting them. So it's not hard to have another girl do that. No, it is for like a few few minutes and then let's suck it or put it in your peanut pussy somewhere or something let's do something like that because if you do it too long eventually i'm going to be like i'm going to take it away from you and i'm just going to finish it yeah because at some point time it goes from oh this is so hot it's like oh yeah move over just fucking let me come or or you're skinning me alive i mean so you so, you know, and it's not your fault because, no, your hand doesn't have built-in sensory. Your hand isn't connected to your brain. To your brain. My penis isn't connected to your brain, where mine is. And so my brain's going, I don't want to be rude, but she's squeezing through the night and I can't breathe. I know it looks cute when it changes colors and all. But it's like, no colors no no no no it's not supposed to be that way so plus it's kind of like it's kind of like holding the flashlight for your dad working on a car no matter how much you try to hold it just the way he wanted you to hold it you just always have it in the wrong spot so I can be like yeah speed up a little bit no a little a little lighter you just and eventually you just take the fucking plan sign and do it yourself so and then people get insulted so then how is it for sex does it drive you nuts when i take control and i go the speed i want to go no no i'm just happy to have sex for some reason for some reason when you when you start sticking it in a hole it's just a totally different different ballgame. So, and quite honestly, here's the thing.
Speaker2: I have no idea.
Speaker1: I mean, maybe if I stuck my dick through a glory hole and somebody was giving it a handjob, it would feel delightful. I don't honestly know. It would feel different because it would just be the excitement of somebody touching it. I just want somebody to be able to see it. I feel like my penis only knows the world from a drone view. Because he just looked down on it. So it's like a drone picture all the time. So I'd like somebody to see it from other angles. That's really my goal. At some point in time before too old and the testosterone shots no longer work, you know, we used to get cars in and sell cars, and the Corvettes would come in, and eventually you had to take one out for a spin just to see, to drive one so you could sell it better. Kind of the same thing. So, back to you. What was your question again?
Speaker2: Where would you like to do it?
Speaker3: Anywhere.
Speaker1: Anywhere. Nope, nope. You have to pick Thank you. What was your question again? Where would you like to do it? Anywhere. Anywhere. Nope, nope. You have to pick equipment. I have to pick equipment. I want to fuck in a truck really bad. A pickup truck? No. A semi. No. Ah. Like in the back? Yeah, in the sleeper. In the sleeper part? Yep. In a Kenworth cab over's a wonder if it bounces. It would a little bit, but not as much, but the Kenworth. Double super walk-in sleeper. Yep. Well, yes, I do have exactly what it would be like in my brain. Mm-hmm. Yep. Wow. Mm-hmm. I mean, I'm all in on a better pick-up, but it would have to have a mattress down, because otherwise it's not hard. Cole, can Amanda make you black out? Well, if you squeeze my penis hard enough, and because when it turns a certain shade of purple, it scares me and it causes me to stroke out. But other than that, probably not. I don't think. I don't know. I'm pretty sure if all of a sudden I passed out when we were having having sex you would be terrified that i was stroking out like my sleep apnea had finally killed me you would be it would go from sex to mouth to mouth and it wouldn't be hot at all at that point in time yeah you're right see there there you go there's the the truth of it yeah i want to i want to join the mile hot club desperately i keep saying i want to be in a helicopter but i probably don't Because I'll be afraid I want to do it on a roof of a tall building Okay, see that's fucking stupid But sure I would too You don't have to be close to the edge Yeah, well yeah If it's just on a roof Like the middle of the roof Far away from the edges Well, absolutely Sure Yeah, but by an edge You have to have some form of a view Well, if you're on can look around and you should be able to see shit. No, if you're more towards the center and it's a pretty large roof, you're not going to see how high up you are. Why don't you see how high up I am? Well, you don't give a shit, but I'd want to see it. You could be on top. It would be like on the ship. Remember when we were on the cruise and the waves would go down and there would be the ship on the horizon. It was there. It would disappear. It that'd be there so as you're bouncing on with the dick you could be like no view view no view view no and i'll fit a small dick it'd just be like view no view no view it wouldn't be quite as excited leah says a fire truck excellent to see so what we need to do is have our next party at a fire station yeah look at this all the time it's like that's a damn good idea uh yeah i wouldn't mind fucking in a hospital just because i don't want to be sick i don't want to be sick when i'm there to fuck i just want to go there to fucking leave i have a nurse fetish so that's kind of like a candy store thing okay fair point i'm not gonna lie anytime my mom or any family's in the hospital if the opportunity look if you ever go in the hospital for something and it's not like life's right and you're gonna die and the opportunity to go fuck a nurse like in the room next door in the room happens i'm doing it okay i mean that's just you know i mean i look for that you know how to know you want to see get her to wake up here let's fuck no shit i mean it just is what it is. You know, it's funny. We actually lost people. We're like, oh, my God, these people lost it. We actually lost listeners tonight. I love it. Because we're not talking about anything worthwhile. The fuck we're not? Don't you know? Every show talks about this kind of stuff. I don't know what equipment you want to fuck on. They talk about their conquests. Oh, good Lord. Yeah, okay. Well, I'm trying to see what furniture you can conquer. They're fucked over the weekend. Oh, shit. Yeah, there you go.
Speaker2: Hot air balloon.
Speaker1: See, no, I couldn't do a hot air balloon. Because I couldn't get my dick up because I'm so terrified of heights.
Speaker2: Yes, you are terrified of heights.
Speaker1: Everybody goes, oh, you'd love it. No, I wouldn't.
Speaker3: No. Absolutely.
Speaker1: I would sit in the basket and cry. You go, we have no control over this are you fucking kidding me get me down i would literally seriously sit in the basket and not move i would be terrified i wouldn't yeah it would be the biggest yeah i'm pretty sure like in vegas the helicopters i i don't know i don't know if i can do a glass helicopter or not i think you could i i can but i'll be throwing up all over it as well. So, I mean, it'll be whatever. I thought at one point in time. You'd be afraid of falling out of the basket. Baskets are pretty big. Especially since it's rocking. It's like, no. I don't think they rock. At one point in time, somebody had somewhere you could do like a, they're like mash helicopters, you know, where like the stretchers, like Korean, where you could ride in one of the stretchers. Like, no, i'm good never not gonna happen a hearse i couldn't do a hearse i could do an old hearse if it was like no longer in service that had been like totally changed out you know like because i think like a 50s style hearse you know the Nookie Wagon, like American Graffiti. But in Newhurst... Ehhhh... Ehhhh... you know like because i think like a 50s style hearse you know the nookie nookie wagon like american graffiti but a new hearse i don't know it need to be there may need to be some modification so i knew it wasn't like i don't know there's just like that you're poking the bear what about the one that one time was sitting in the service department didn't y'all people get in it oh they were all laying in it and shit. Can't you get in it? I'm like, no.
Speaker3: There's just some things that... I can't remember if you did it or not.
Speaker1: No, there's just some things that I just won't try. I don't know if it is possible to fuck West Guy and everything it is.
Speaker2: I would think it'd be very... I wouldn't want them to lose thought over when to
Speaker1: let the parachute out. All I can tell you is if a fucking fly hit your fucking dick at fucking whatever gazillion miles an hour you're falling, I'm pretty sure it'd rip it off.
Speaker2: Well, and then if your face... And if she didn't have
Speaker1: meat curtains before, she would after that.
Speaker3: Oh!
Speaker2: Well, then I guess you can still be positioned correctly. The angle would be off i don't know how many parachutes does that woman have grab her lips and hold on that's horrible why now i want to fuck out in the mountains. I tried to get you one time. You are so eternally cold, and you want to go fuck in the mountains. No, like in the summer outside when it's nice out. Okay. But I like outdoor sex. You do. But you want fuck in the snow. Well, no, it's too cold. Well, but that's outdoor's outdoor sex No we have to be where it's nice I still want to go up and do the whole fucking Igloo thing This is a glass top We can see the lights Northern lights But it's fucking ice fucking cold Fenway? Oh yeah About Finland? Whatever With my luck
Speaker3: Or is it ice?
Speaker1: With my luck Well two polar bears like fucking Hump it on our Clown windows All we'll see is like Polar bear sex Or some weird ass shit
Speaker2: No no That would be okay Because You're in a dome And you're protected From the elements
Speaker1: Yeah Well yeah But yeah What about the ice hotel That's all made of ice And then you sleep on like Whale blubber
Speaker2: Well they claim that it's warm and i'm not buying it uh let's see on a ski lift what's funny is skis don't scare me or they didn't used to and have freight heights which is really weird yes i could fuck on the sky deck or a glass bottom boat that'd be cool you would not even walk on a glass sky deck oh no sky deck no that was what that said before that you would not even dare walk on one absolutely not nope never happened never i know i'm calling you out because you're like oh yeah and i'm like oh no you saw a clip of someone i don't know where it's at i think it must be in china some huge statue where you can walk up the arm, the stairs, and there's a big hand in some mountain-y thing, and it showed a woman, and she was literally crawling, and got up in the hand and sat there just terrified. I'm like, nope, that would be so cool, I will never experience that in my life for any reason on God's green earth. I don't care who wanted to fuck where, if it was a high enough thing, there's no way I'd do it it yeah we've fucked out in the rain because rachel said she's about to find out how fun it is to fuck out in the rain fucking the rain is fun um we've done that yes because i'm like you know what we're gonna go on the deck and we're gonna fuck in the rain you're like okay yeah that and but it was a cold rain and you didn't you didn't die or anything no it was a little chilly and when you were done it's like let's get the take. But you were also blocking me from a lot of stuff. See, the joy of fucking a chunkier fella. A chunkier. I'm like a seal, and so I'm waterproof, so that helps, and that's, I get it. Kind of a user. If you turn off all the lights, neighbors can't watch. I don't care if you see it anyways. Fuck. Hi, neighbors. In a cave? I'd have no problem in a cave. The hell you wouldn't. You fuck hi neighbors in a cave i'd have no problem in a cave the hell you wouldn't you you'd be cold with bats around you'd be cold in a cave anywhere cold you're not on the time of the year no a cave isn't underground a cave is going to be well no shit i've been to the ones in missouri in the middle of june still you're not no in shorts And I didn't die The lights went out, scared the fuck out of everybody And the bass started flying That really scared the fuck out of everybody Nothing hotter than a bat crawling up your ass In the middle of sex, that'd be great Your little hands, ah Those aren't mine Brian wants to do it in the snow See, there you go I took a picture one time in the snow How do you know That just getting fucking Harpooned with a Like a fucking seal Doesn't feel awesome in the snow That it's not some sensory Maybe it's a passion of everything I might look look past it, but I doubt it. Maybe it would melt the snow. Did you ever think of that? But the ground is still cold. Yeah, but if you're up on your knees and you're being fucking hammered on, would it really matter? Hey, look, if the sex is bad, you're going to know how cold it is. Okay, there's no doubt about it, okay? I wouldn't fuck a guy in the snow if he's got a piercing think it through i know i know it still wouldn't stick because it's warm enough not if i don't know the crotch is warm enough negative 20 degrees i don't know we're not gonna catch you open like a fucking star wars creature and crawl in there but just saying but if the sex was good i don't think you could care would care you're so funny yeah i'm just saying i don't know put a blanket down that takes all the fun get a warm tom i think that's what it was called in star wars cut it open fucking that smells horrible tom tom smells horrible but it'll keep you warm warm i'm with amanda always cold yeah it's one of those yeah fucking, fucking. Is that cold or frigid? Hard to tell. Just kidding. I never stopped. So you got any dates set up here yet? What are we doing? We got to just figure it out. People start sending requests and putting their time so she can block off her calendar. Harvest isn't going to go on forever, man. They put that shit away. It's not like in December they're just cruising around in combines. Someone's going to think that's a little odd if there's a combine rolling through a field in December. It might raise a few questions. Wait a minute. I wish cemetery would be a hell no for me. Yeah, I don't. Well. The worms growling. The worms grow out. The worms play peanut. It actually wouldn't be a big deal. I'm not going to lay down on somebody's grave and do it. Ew. What? You're just going to squirt on somebody who's just laying there. Where are you going Where are you going to fuck, then? If it's not in a grave, where are you going to fuck? In the parking lot? I just said in a cemetery. You can be up against a damn tree. But that tree could be feeding off of somebody. You know, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, back to where it's going. You are fucked up. The worm's crawling, the worm's crawling up, the worm's playing pinochle on you What? That's, if you know that reference and you can put it in there, maybe we'll give you a prize So, what? That's funny, you know it Look, I've trimmed it, so I think that my focus would be a little off in a cemetery What's that? Well, yeah, but you're just, you know.
Speaker3: I can think of every horror movie ever that would pop into my brain. I know that would work.
Speaker4: Maybe the ghosts are just watching.
Speaker3: Maybe they're horny.
Speaker2: Maybe we could buy a brothel. Remember when we used to do that?
Speaker1: Maybe they'd be like a brothel ghost.
Speaker2: A brothel.
Speaker1: And we could get a ghost job.
Speaker2: Would you ever go to a brothel?
Speaker1: Oh, fuck yeah.
Speaker3: Absolutely. 100% of four, sure job. Would you ever go to a brothel? Oh, hell, fuck yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker1: 100% of four, sure would. Yep. Why would you not? Look, it's not like it's 1850 and the brothels are like, yep, old Doc Everard checked it with a fucking, shoved a chicken up there and cleaned out with feathers whatever's in her cooter. I mean, yeah.
Speaker2: No, no cemetery.
Speaker1: I would be all in.
Speaker2: Want to in a Civil War battlefield.
Speaker3: I wouldn't.
Speaker1: It's the concept of professionals. It's a trained professional. Just to say you've done it. I mean, do I think... We're swingers, so do I think that it would necessarily be better?
Speaker2: Fucked behind a couple of churches.
Speaker1: I could see you doing that. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't pay face it I fucked in a church, so it wouldn't bother me They're a must visit in Nevada Yeah, I want to Just say that I've done it And a lot of Look, a lot of Swingers, porn stars, cam girls, whatever also work in brothels and and they make fucking stupid stupid money i promise you any girl that's working in a brothel is uh a thousand times safer fuck than any bitch you'll pick up on the street did i tell you about the snapchat chick no you did not tell me she had a brothel are we going no so this young girl she wasn't even very cute she friends me and i'm like okay this ought to be good so then she sends me a picture in her t-shirt and panties well it's more like little short videos and she just rub her boobs i'm. I'm like, let me guess, OnlyFans. I don't get a response, of course. Right, right. So then I get another one, and then she rubs, and then she lifts up her shirt a little bit, but she won't show you anything. Right. And so I sent a picture of myself naked. So then she sends another one, and she kind of leans up, and she shows her ass. And so I send a video shaking my head and send it and send a picture of me naked. You can follow me on OnlyFans and sends me a link. I said, you can follow me too and send her a link. It's like, young lady, you have no idea what tree you just fucking knocked on. the wrong door, kids. It depends on my mood what you'll get back. Because some girls have gotten just a flip-off finger back. It's always, you know. The thing is, is I get it. They're trying to fucking. Yeah, but you don't just go and friend everybody just to send them away. No, that's what they're being told how to do it. I know's fucking sad But at least if a profile says crazy lady Why would you send them that? Because if they see crazy They're like, maybe my husband will fuck it Because he's fucking into crazy chicks I don't fucking know I have no idea Because they're not looking at anything And it wasn't a quick ad it was like a search and i'm like going here's the sad thing here's the sad thing with all this shit is you know it is they don't have any help no one's helping them they're all like everybody's trying to make money and and nobody's helping them nobody helps them do shit that's people go if you told people hey i you know i work in a brothel you'd be a lot of people like what the fuck they'd be terrified right okay well let's see they're tested weekly uh they're the people that coming in have their strict requirements of everything they have to do where whatever all the way through they you have complete security and safety you know your identity is protected outside of of everything as well i mean and uh it's like you know oh my lord it's a million times safer it's a million times whatever okay so and then the other thing people go yeah but you're paying for sex well how is it any fucking different than going to a goddamn bar and and picking somebody up or being picked up by somebody same shit just different less risk it's yeah true you know and these people do you people don't understand do you know that that there's a there's a brothel for sale right now in nevada that $17 million for. Holy shit. Does the girls come with it? Yeah. The staff will be with it. Okay. I'm like, are you having to start all over? Their chef is a world-famous five-star chef for the meals. This isn't the days of- The meals for the girls in the brothel? No, the meals at- Or you can buy dinners and stuff. The dinners and everything else. Well, I don't know. I've never been to one. This isn't the fucking... And I've never researched one. This isn't the trailer park. This isn't a lot lizard rolling up in a really beat-up fucking motorhome at truck stops or at rest areas. I mean, these brothels, they're the real fucking deals. And these girls are making... Can make $2,000, $3,000, $4,000, $5,000, $6,000 a week.
Speaker3: Damn.
Speaker1: You know, and I know a couple of them. And they're super cool. They have regular lives. The difference is they drive really nice fucking cars. Just, you know, it is what it is.
Speaker2: We kind of run a brothel, too. We make sure heifers are serviced multiple times a year, and sometimes it's at different bowls.
Speaker1: See, there you go.
Speaker3: Perfect.
Speaker1: Would you let yourself be hooked up to a milking machine? I'm sorry. That just came out of laughing.
Speaker2: That would hurt, I think.
Speaker3: Maybe.
Speaker1: Only for a few minutes until it went numb or ripped your tit off. I'm pretty sure they can probably regulate the pressure. Quink, halftime don't forget well you know it's more so so uh don't forget to go to crazy casbah.com check out our site today and check out our newest feature casbah safe we are so proud to launch this as a nationwide service check it out little green button says casbah safe now when you go out you know that someone knows where you're at check it out today don't forget uh don't again don't leave your safety up to somebody else. As well as, if you are a company or business and you are interested in being a corporate sponsor or partner with us with Kazma Safe, let us know today so that you too can show your support for safety in the lifestyle. There's a little shout out. Everything's about safety right now. That's like my huge focus with everything. I think because no one else gives two fucks well and there's some people being pretty careless well look again it's it's since everything's come back out it's just been fucking people are being retarded it's it's just the degree of dumb is astronomical well gosh if they're going to a party that's known oh shit for being roofied oh god let us know and we'll supply you with night caps well that's just that's just it it's like you know here's the thing these are it's halloween and and honestly that's why the reason i didn't question so just sounds like you know we're coming up on these halloween parties and again we've talked about the fallout from fucking covet and shit and i'm telling you the train wreck stories that we're going to be hearing november 1 and throughout the month of october from these halloween parties is going to be insane insane because it is no one people are people are not thinking people are not thinking i'm telling you stds are going to start you'll see a bump in stds you'll see a bump in all kinds of stupid shit because people are going to be dumb because they're fucking losing their mind. They're just doing whatever they want. And if you just go fuck on a damn piece of equipment, then, you know, wait a minute. What about traveling to a swinger party? Dude, I think they saw this on Yellowstone. We can't, although they're funny as hell. They were being mean with them. No. Okay, so for those listening that can't see, what about a traveling swinger potty in a stock trailer rolling down the road? It would create the bumps for you. Oh, my God. But no, that would hurt. Can you pick, you know when you drive, everybody when they drive by a cattle trailer, you look to see if there's what animal what animals mean yeah so there's noses and fucking tails and ears up against you so they might get an ass or a ball sack i'm pretty sure that's a penis mom mom is that a penis mom look it's a girl with her naked body pressed up against the side. God. You want to talk about cold roller coaster?
Speaker2: Safer than a hay rack.
Speaker1: Talk about cold.
Speaker2: We can moo at Staples.
Speaker1: Okay, that would be pretty fucking funny. I'm all in on fucking the moo factors. Oh, my God. Swinger trailer over tips. Swingers running amok on the interstate. There's naked swingers everywhere. Authorities have been called in to tranquilize them and round them up. We're making the Midwestern swingers sound good. There's more than just cornfields. No, there's not. They don't believe it anyway, stress me. They don't actually believe it. You have to come here to see, believe it it or not there is stuff like cities and and concrete stuff and regular stuff but yes we do have badass cool shit as well just remember you can make fun of our combines all you fucking want that one combine it costs about oh i don't know talk about a flash party yeah a shit ton more than anything you own and joe just keep that in mind now why can't I speak of my cousins? He'll be able to let people fuck out on there. He has big corn grins. Maybe I should just see if I could rent all of his farm equipment for today and not tell him why. Like, look, dude, don't ask any questions. We just want to take some pictures. We just want to have an adult rodeo You know It would be kind of risque
Speaker2: I don't think you really want to be involved
Speaker1: I don't think he would care
Speaker2: But then when it got to fucking He might go okay what's going on
Speaker1: I have no idea Can I drive the tractor again All I would care about
Speaker2: Can I drive the tractor Can I drive it I just want to drive it
Speaker1: Look if we could do a bean buggy again Anybody listening right now that doesn't know what a bean buggy is And I'll see to drive it. Look, if we could do a bean buggy again. Anybody listening right now that doesn't know what a bean buggy is, Google it. I would love to see, I think it was six or eight, naked chicks on a bean buggy. That would be a funny picture. Boobies bouncing. It wouldn't even just be a post picture. That would be kind of fun. I would drive through the bean field with you I think it'd be hilarious my cadets I don't think anybody even has I don't think anybody even has can I ride with you Cole see everybody wants to ride the trackers are fun streaker gone wild in the field children of the corn anyways
Speaker2: puts a little bit different twist on it
Speaker1: here's the thing the problem with all that shit it's like fucking on a beach you know it sounds great to people that don't live on a beach but if you live on a beach you know how sand is everywhere and people are gonna be making pearls it's the same thing about fucking on a field it sounds great but it's not like smooth and soft and comfy to lay in
Speaker2: go fuck well no it'd have to be a standing
Speaker1: yeah I don't grow up around cows. Okay, they're scared of people. They're curious little fucking creepers.
Speaker2: I didn't grow up around cows.
Speaker1: Okay, they're curious. So they will come milling up, and they're not that bright. They'll come milling up to see what the fuck's going on. If you're fucking in a field, and there's cows close by.
Speaker2: They have rough tongues.
Speaker3: Okay.
Speaker1: And you're fucking in a field by cows, and you have the windows down to your car,
Speaker3: and they can come up, a cow will stick their fucking head in the window. Yes, they will. If they don't stick their head in the window, they'll all of a sudden be around you, and when they fucking moo, we might just have to go on a tour of some farmers and get some pictures and stuff. And fun. No. No, they will come right at people. Now, they won't necessarily let you... Corn, cob penetration? It's a little rough. Shouldn't all those be gone? No, there's the rough stalks out there for you to fucking... You can scratch your inner vagina. Yeah, no. And trust me, when you're not ready for it if you're a city kid it'll scare the hell out of fucking moot how loud a cow is when you didn't realize all of a sudden then there's cows all around you and you're like what what this is awkward yeah well you've heard how loud they were when i've tried to yell at them for a wedding so picture if you're trying to fuck and one's right outside your car window and you didn't know it was there. I've never been up close to a cow. Well, I'll take you out and drop you in a field somewhere. We'll still sit in the field quietly and let a cow come up to you. That's okay. Their tongue is long. Are they just going to come up to you and lick you? No, I've never had one lick me. But they'll just come up. They'll just come up chew and cut looking at you. They're just curious. They'll just get right. As long as you don't try to tell them, they're just looking at you. Because they have no fucking idea. When I was in college, my best friend at the time, he's like, we went to his farm town, not too far away. Right. And he goes, the cows got out. You have to help me get them in. I don't know what the fuck to do. He goes, just come on. It's easy. I'll show you. And I'm like, I'll sit right here and wait for you to come back. See, we got a bunch of people saying, come on out. They'll take you down to the cows.
Speaker1: Well, a cow for you, the difference is a cow is going to look you. Our string pier. I'm going to look you a little wet. Okay, that's pretty awesome. Cows are going to look you pretty much in their eyes. I mean, you're going to be. You're going to be. I know they're big. They're big. You can ride a cow. You can. I mean, it's one of those things. But it's probably how a lot no they're just super curious they're like monkeys with was i with you when we were like younger and my cousins or something wanted to go cow tipping or somebody wanted to go cow tipping or was that a dream uh no that was a dream i don't think it wasn't with me i've had friends that have talked about wanting to go cow tipping i've never actually been cow tipping tipsy cow tipping i've never actually done it i don't know i'd be up for it you get me drunk i'll fuck you i'll absolutely chase i grew up on
Speaker2: a beach and i remember one summer coming to my grandmother's house my cousins are like let's go slap pigs i'm like we're gonna do what to do what? He goes, we're going to slap pigs. I'm like, okay. So I sat in the car. They got out, jumped the fence, smacked pigs on the ass, came running back, and I'm like, what was the point of that? You've never done like a, a grease pig contest, then, at a state fair. I've never been up close to a pig.
Speaker1: Okay, here's the deal, everybody. If you're a business and you've never done one, you have to do one once in your life. There used to be, I don't even know if state fairs do them anymore. They used to be huge. I can remember being a bunch of them as a little kid. They had different sized pigs for different age kids. It's like little kids had piglets that they'd grease up, and then, because they'll just run.
Speaker2: Those poor pigs.
Speaker1: Oh, they ain't poor nothing.
Speaker3: and then the older kids by the time they're like
Speaker1: Thank you. pigs for different age kids it's like little kids had piglets that they'd grease up and then because they'll just run you're trying poor pigs oh they ain't poor nothing and then the older kids by the time they had like high school they had like big big pigs running and and a pig is you get on a big big pig as an adult it will take off and shoot your ass right off that motherfucker no i i don't want them pigs are mean that i know uncle my uncle got drugged through his big pen got drugged by one and then they attacked because they will eat anything if you go down in a big like if you're gonna have a heart attack and you're in with your pigs they will eat you seriously so like he always carried pliers because this big why do people want them for pets then if you get them and you domestic they're fine but if you as they get bigger and stuff at wild they can be mean as hell that's why you to dispose of a body seriously you take a dead body and you go to a pig farm because pigs they'll put in a will eat everything. They'll find nothing left of it. Wouldn't slap the bull's nuts, though. Yeah, probably not. They bite bad. Yeah, they will.
Speaker3: Yeah.
Speaker2: Swingers of the corn.
Speaker3: Fuck, yeah. So, yeah.
Speaker2: I think a farm party.
Speaker1: A hoedown.
Speaker2: Might have to be done.
Speaker1: Look, I think it'd be fun to have an actual hoedown who's the hoe there'd be multiple hoes i here's the deal i'm more and more lean to the fact of of fuck it we just we just we're almost to the point we just we need to just get a group of like 100 people, there it goes, agrees to just, fuck, who cares? Yep, it's just, it agrees to just fuck who cares yep it's just it's fuck who cares just go and a controlled chaotic sort of thing we'll call it a hoedown I don't like I'll have my allergies though because it'll be pretty sexy if I do a farm hoedown party when I'm sneezing all over you hey baby it's not dripping on your farm takeover okay so we might have to ponder that one and we'll have fuck that we'll have grease girls or grease guys competition catch the guy loop a guy and let him run all the girls trying to catch because they're squirrely you can't catch you'll catch a pig and it'll squirt out of your hand because it's just dripping with grease so you just grab a guy and he'll squirt in your hand if you grease him up you'll be trying to be like yeah no it didn't go over my head no no it didn't sure felt like it went way over your head i don't use lube i don't know but we had this discussion earlier about yes we did have this discussion good speed you. About not having good speed. Yeah, I know. That's right. And with grease, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be smoking shit. It could happen. You don't know. I'm just saying. Condoms and Benadryl. Don't pass out. You can't use Benadryl. Everybody will pass out. No, that would be on the pigs. I don't think. Wait, what? What? You don't put condoms on a pig? Yeah, that'd be funny. Now, there's a contest. There's a Midwestern party to have. You have fucking... As we just watched Yellowstone, you got to jack off a fucking horse. You have a fucking... Everybody has to fucking... The racists included, I didn't put a condom on a pig. That'd be funny as shit. Oh, my God. Yep. Okay, so here's the stupid part of me. Does their dick hang out? I have no idea. I've never looked at a pig's dick. How do you know if you can get a condom on it? I don't. Well, you wouldn't have to be on a dick. You even tried to put it on its tail. I just saw a horse on TV with one, so I don't know. I'm just all of a sudden going just like, this is shit. Now watch. I'm going to get Fucking just Throttled on stuff You guys are talking About Beast Island We're not talking About fucking We're just talking About decorating them The total difference God that would be Funny as shit Better than The tail and the donkey God That would be Funny as shit Let's face it The lifestyle Needs some new Theme events Decorate a farm Takeover and you have to decorate. You have to decorate a thing. It's pretty fucking funny. I think a farm takeover would be a fucking blast. Tractor rides. Fuck the tractor. Well, okay. I want to ride the fucking tractor. I like driving a tractor. So you know what? I don't fucking care. I don't get to fuck anyway. So I might as well at least drive the tractor around. You can if you put your mind in. Or your dick. Well, there could be my problem. I'm trying to shove my head in there all the time. It just won't go up. Just saying. I can't breathe. Just need to lube it up better. But how do you get oxygen, Gills? Courtney keeps saying, she's got you. She'll take you out on the tractor. Well, rock on. I'm in. Look, I will fucking all day long. I'll even do chores and shit if you let me ride a tractor. Let me drive a tractor. Seriously. It's like an adult driving a go-kart. I don't fucking know. It just is what it is. If I can ride a lawn tractor, it makes me happy. Let alone a big tractor. Then I'm just like, yee! It's fucking all over. Yeah, I know. And then maybe I wouldn't need a shot. Who fucking knows? Hard to say. Cowboy hat and a tractor. There we go. We gotta get that planned in. Yeah, let me add that. Oh, hey, speaking of planning, don't forget, if you haven't already, make sure you get your tickets to Crazy Winter Nights. For those of you listening on the coast, I know now you're super excited to come to the Midwest, the Midwest Party Extravaganza. This is a fancy one, though. This is where we get all dolled up when we leave our pigs at home. January 13th through the 15th, our Black Tie Furnal Gala event. Check check it out go to www.crazykazma.com get signed up today to get your tickets now all right kids well there you go look at that 56 minutes of complete babbling awesome i don't know what i'm gonna i don't know what i'm gonna fucking name this episode piglets when pigs fly that's what I'll name it When Pigs Fly Fantasies I'll just take and put that in the title and then people are like we gotta listen to it what the fuck we can call it Crazy Farmer no shit Farmersonly.com anyways so don't forget to follow us on Crazy well you know listen to this show. I don't even know what that means. Sponsors, if they still are. ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. Check them out today. Make it a habit to read every monthly issue. ShamelessCare.com. Don't forget to tell them Kaz was sending you with your coupon code KK50, either for the sexual STD testing kits or the ED medication. And Nightcaps,ps nightcaps.com don't trust your safety to anybody other than yourself don't forget to put nightcap 10 slash casbah inc in the promo code to get your discount follow us on twitter at truth crazy uh also go to our website to find everything about us you ever want to know and then some crazy cas Follow us on YouTube, on the Kazba channel, see how this works, and send us emails at CrazyKRazy.Kazba, K-A-S-B-H, at gmail.com. Eh! Eh! What? You say at, so... With that being said, oh my lord, with that being said... After today, John Deere might be a sponsor, too. No shit, with any luck like that'd be awesome uh with that being said dude the only way i know how the only way i want to and the only way i ever motherfucking will casbah style out bye