Krazy Truth #188 End of Season 4 Drinking show!

Transcript

Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth.

I'm the host with the most i'm cole and i'm here with the lovely lovely and elfie miss amanda hey we're here to tantalize and otherwise uh on this the final episode of season four that's right kids tonight's it season four ends today so that means the next time you hear our show it'll be season five wow five years imagine that i'll drink to that uh anyway season four but it's episode number We'll be season five wow five years imagine that i'll drink to that uh anyway season four but it's episode number 188 188 times we've done this motherfucker wow that's amazing uh but before we get started with this is our special christmas episode it's the end of the season episode it's our drinking episode what are we drinking again we're drinking a conglomerate of shit so the show is going to get progressively stupider as we go through i know that's hard to believe if you've listened to our show before uh anywho so with that being said uh before we go into our paid sponsors i to it in a minute.

This is shot number two. Oh, my God. All right. So, first, a big shot to our paid advertisers or paid sponsors. ASN Lifestyle Magazine, Smart Swingers Read. Why do they read? Well, because they're smart. That's why. And they're reading right now as we're drinking. So, ASN Lifestyle Magazine. Don't forget, fullswapshop.com. You listen to the fucking shows, you read the mag. Come on, fuckers, buy some swag. If you're drinking along with us tonight, this is really important. As the show goes on and the more you drink, then go to FullSwapShop. What's the drinking game?

Every time I drink, you drink. Oh, fuck. I'm still really drunk. I don't know about you, but at least them. We're going to get somebody drinking. That's shot number three. Anyways, yeah. So finally, the other thing is that, ooh, that, what else are we going to talk about? Oh, Crazy Wonder Nights. Yeah. And don't forget about crazy winter nights. January 14th through the 15th. Yeah, you got to do all the technical shit before you get drunk. I don't know if that's going to be strong enough, Pumpkin. So we started to drink already.

So we're drinking conglomerate of stuff because that's what we do, conglomerates. And, yeah, you know. We have me, the short one, reaching the booth. Where do we keep the alcohol? high it's so it's so you stay up high is it even registering you or just registering me i'm trying to figure out who's registering what uh you're loud wow okay we're both loud both loud. We've had some technical stuff. You know, a lot of people say, hey, we can't hear me and death. Yeah, so there you go. And I say, hey, you know what, that's right. So I'm going to sit quietly for the rest of the show.

Someone's getting lucky or just really drunk tonight. Probably just really drunk tonight. I don't know. We'll have to see. This stuff, we better have some kick to it at some point in time. That bottle's toast, I can already tell you.

Here's what's funny when i get done doing this i have to call my mom so if you follow along at home shot number four do you want some rum in it oh let's do that for shot number five okay all right oh anyways it's like the 12 panes of christmas that's what that is bringing up these lights one goes out they all go out son of a bitches uh okay so you know normally i don't i don't know what do we normally do we normally have been at a office christmas party but that got coveted out and so oh shit's about to get real fucking stupid and real fucking real. Why are we going so chintzy?

Because it tastes like shit by itself. Right? Hold on, I'm not done. I'm mixing. It was the night before Christmas and all through the house. Not a swinger was moving. Not even a mouse. They were fucking... You know, I was at Spencer's today. I'm just going to tell you this. I was at Christmas shopping today. Because for those of you listening... Fuck off. For those of you following along at home, we're doing this in front of our live, live Facebook audience at Kaz Bank. Secret group. Shh, don't tell the others.

And so, actually, this is going to get released right after we do it, which is totally unusual. So this is fresh. This is fresh as a new turd. Fresh. Fresh. It's still squishy when you go to pick it up. Anyways, so I was out Christmas shopping two days before Christmas or three days before Christmas. Usually, it's the night before. I don't know. Yeah, whatever. How many days till Christmas? Two. Two? Well, three. Three. Whatever. Okay. Soon. And so, I was in. Two before we have our Christmas. Yeah, so I was in the. I was in. Spencer's. There you go. And browsing around.

And I find myself spending a lot of time in the earring section. Yeah, I like that. I was trying to find no football fingers and no pineapples. But then I almost bought like a skeleton. I almost bought There was one that was a banana And I was looking at one That Was just Wait What the fuck were you looking at a banana for Well I don't know Because I saw fruit and I was like okay well whatever A banana Yeah I saw yellow, and I was like, oh, you want to wear that? That's all right. I was standing in Dillard's and looking at their Christmas stuff, and they had Christmas earrings.

And so it was kind of, you know, people were noticing my hat, right? And I'm standing there, and I'm looking in the mirror. I'm holding up because they had a couple that were like ladies' dangly, Christmassy ones. And I was holding looking at them and the one guy comes up to me and she's like uh and she had to be like 112 and she's like um those would look lovely on you and i'm like well i'm just trying to think you know i'm thinking about you know and she's like those they would match the holly in your hat. It's not holly. I'm like, okay. So I almost got those.

I left and almost went back and got those. And I'm like, well, that looks kind of fucking, that doesn't look guy earring-ish. That looks kind of chick earring-ish. Wow, imagine that. But I still almost got them because they've been festive. But I haven't changed my earrings out yet. I've never taken, since I pierced my ears, I've never taken these out. I know. They don't. I'm not doing this for you. To rum. Okay, that one's got more cake. Whoa! All right, there you go. This is where shit's going to get real rough. That was nasty. Oh, guess who has a warm, tingly feeling going down there?

So that's what it feels like when you swallow jazz. Okay. Oh, that's horrible. No, rum is never horrible. Rum is our friend. Just ask the pirates. Have it straight. That's disgusting. I'm down. Go for it Ah Ew No Okay So there you go So that was what my day was I was actually wearing Okay so I was actually wearing my hat around And my Get up my garb Because It makes mom happy Because she thinks I look crispy She thinks my hair is turning like this Like And she says it's not gray It's like a It's a bright sparkly silver It's very Santa Claus Did you see your mother today?

No But Why did you care?

No but I did you care no but i did the other day because it goes with the story of what i was going to say okay go ahead because yesterday when i was milling around the hospital with it people were commenting like a doctor was like comment was like he's like holy shit dude not very many people can rock a top hat but you you do but some of the nurses thought it was really cute and and dug it and and one nurse was getting off the floor that i wasn't getting off of and said that it looked sexy and i was like whoa she's walking out the other i'm like no don't go don't go mine so i thought it would be odd to just roam around the hospital floor he's looking for a nurse That wants the things I look sexy And a fucking top hat Top hat She had a nice house So just saying I was like By the way I fuck other people for a hobby Merry Christmas Only my mother could be In the one fucking hospital We have no swingers at None It's like Man I've been up there For fucking three weeks and i'm like jesus are you gonna scope it out oh fuck yeah i'm scoping it out i i you know what i'm thinking about wearing a casbah shirt making a necklace of upside down pineapples black rings on every fingers and fucking doing whatever i can to fucking absolutely take and find uh there's no way that I can go two fucking facilities in a row.

With nobody at it. Without any fucking, without any of them being swingers. There's no fucking way that I could be that way. I do need some Irish car bombs. Absolutely. What's an Irish car bomb? Is that what I had at the bar? It will fuck your day six way way to choose. It wasn't cinnamon and peppermint and whatever. Yeah, it was. Whatever. Yep. And yes, Gary, rum is a lifestyle friend. You know, if you're going to be in the lifestyle, you have to enjoy a good rum and cook. It just says rum is our friend. Oh, yeah. Yes. Well, but. That isn't an L.S. That isn't is. Like jizz. Is. Well, hold on.

Yep, you're right. There you go. So I don't have my readers on. The bottom line is, if you're going to be part of this parade, you need to be a fan of Rome. At least be a pirate. I did make out with somebody at the hospital the other day. Well, not totally, but a little bit. Exchanging shit. Did she meet you at the hospital? Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. So that was fun. Mom, watch this. No, because she got a gift out of the deal, so she was like, she wouldn't have cared. Because after I already, you know, I told her when the one gal said something about my shirt. Did I tell that story last week?

I don did i i wore yeah you told me about the the full swap my full swap radio shirt and i and and so i told her what she asked what it was and i and i told her and um i told her she should check out if she likes podcasts and she said she does and so i said she should check out crazy truth but i didn't say it was my podcast and say it was ours and then when and mom's like when she left she goes well why were you telling all about it i said because her ass looked great in scrubs and mom's like oh and we changed the topic i'll be damned who'd have thunk it and then i never saw that chick again either i never saw that nurse again i was like i can't great i catch the one nurse that's interested on her fucking that's the last five minutes of my shift before i'm off for four days fuck my life just just saying anyways so you know whoo it's sweaty uh okay you could be feeling it a little bit?

I know. You only want me to know. I'll know when I'm talking to mom later. Holy fuck. Oh, shit. Okay. Whew. Wow. All right. It's really funny because our show last week. Well, you know, okay. You know when you take a shot And sometimes it just hits the back of your throat wrong I think I figured out part of the problem If you were leaning this way I'm watching you talk And the line's not moving It looked like you were flatlining Are we sure I'm alive? No Well you're not lit up either Now I am because I'm talking Red line You're Yes, I am.

Anyways, you know when you lean into something, like a cock. I don't know where you were going with that. You know what? You've never sucked anybody else's dick or fucked anybody else with your elf ears on. Who wants to volunteer? Holy shit. Great news. The door is going to get broken down.

By the way, you've got to gotta bring snacks bring snacks if you're gonna come over fuck her for with our alfers but yeah no you you've you've never banged anybody elfed out are you sure about that yes think it through that's awesome this is the greatest part of your life you have to sit here and ponder it for a minute well you know i did wear him to work, so I don't know. I don't know. You weren't fucking him yet, were you? Oh, yeah, you were. We're going on two years. Yeah, you were. That's right. I should go back and look through your receipts. Yeah, no, that's yes. Oh, dick.

Yeah, for two years, that's what you were thinking. No, but I don't think you fucked him with elf ears on. You don't know that. You're right, I don't. I don't really care, but I could see him like not, I don't see you fucking having done that. I'll have to ask him. See, people are like, yeah. So here's the deal. We're running a contest. You know what? We'll do it. We'll give something to Casbah Cares. We'll do a raffle for your, I don't think we can do that. That's a prostitution. A raffle for my ears? No. Well, it'd be for your vag, but you have to wear your ears. So, grab her by the ears.

If I grab her by the ears when I'm drunk, it'll come off and it'll scare me. Do you have me, like, super hot now? Well, you are super hot. Okay, you've been drinking. Graham. By the way, guess what? Oh, we will. No, we're out. Okay, so there's your goal. You're a little hot. So now you're going to have to take and wear... Are you going to wear the Elfairs of Crazy Winter Nights? No. I can... Well, okay. If somebody makes a big enough contribution to fucking Kaz McCarrie, you will Okay, but here's the deal.

You remind me, and I'll pack this in the bag because everybody's like, oh, I wanted to see your elf ears. You bring your elf ears, and I never bring them anywhere with me. So I'm just going to have to pack a... I so want to tell you one of your... Pack a bag that's more of like role play. Oh, God. I'm going to be a furry. I so want to tell you one of your Christmas presents. Pack a bag that's more of like role play. Oh, God. I'm going to be a furry. I so want to tell you one of your Christmas presents now. Don't you have that problem. Don't. Only because. You can't keep it to yourself.

You will. Neither will you. You'll want to talk about them on the show. It'll be a great kickoff to season five. No. It was fun. Okay, so I'm in Spencer's today, Christmas shopping again, whatever. And all these women are giggling because they went over. The dildo section? There are three sisters, and they had decided on buying their mom a dick pop with the multiple layers of how deep you can go. And they were arguing about which one was going to get it for her. And then one of them said, well, we should probably all get one. So they ended up buying seven of them.

There was three sisters because they were like, well, we've got to have a contest now. We can't wait just until Christmas. Oh, good God. And i thought they were going to pee themselves they're laughing so hard giggling at the and i didn't realize i had them before and i was like well damn you know and so then i was like hey babies no i didn't say that but i was checking i was looking at banana earrings what was i gonna do at that point i can't believe you're looking banana well it just it really why would you have banana of all fruit why would that be the only fucking fruit you would have?

I was pissed, man. I was just like, really? You know, can I help you? Yeah, you little goth wannabe. Do you have some cool shit? Not in Spencer's or not goth. That's a hot topic. Maybe that's where I was at first. No, I was in Spencer's. Hot Topping didn't have shit for earrings. No, no, they didn't. I went to some other store. I accidentally meandered into the fucking buckle and quickly and immediately fucking ran for the fucking hills when I was almost. Run for your life. I was almost afraid in there. Well, they were going to fucking grope me, all right, just to find my wallet.

I was like, fuck you, get away from me. Yeah, I don't like walking in. Fucking skanky bitches. They're worse than a car lot. Oh, shit. Wait a minute, you like getting fucked in a car lot. No, I mean, as far as being chased. No, fuck it in a car lot. See, the revelations of fucking... Would you stop it? What? What are you doing that for? I don't know It was kind of in my way I couldn't see myself All of a sudden I didn't really know what I was doing that for Exactly I wanted to be able to see my mouth move And I can't All I can see can see is like a mic head in my mouth.

You gave a mic head in your mouth? No, I said all I can see is a mic head in my mouth. Fuck off, cunt nugget. This is why we don't do these drinking shows very fucking often. God damn it. Hey. Hey. You're gonna think hey. Hey. Yep. Here's the sponsors we used to have Oh god You know, here's what's going to be funny When I talk to mom later, what I'm going to agree to do Yeah, sure, I'll fucking paint the house No, you just say I've been doing a drinking So you have to make this quick Yeah, that's what I'm going to tell her It was our Johnny Fever drinking episode episode. Oh, Lord.

Can we do one once a year? We do it more than once a year. Oh, well, we don't tape it every time we do it. I was going to say, on a podcast, we do it once. Well, we should do it more often. Maybe that's our problem. What did I say that was so deep and confusing? You just had this total blank look. Do you know what always happens this time of year? Our numbers go to shit because people start to listen to this show that we do each year, and it makes no sense. It has nothing to do with anything involved in life. Could it just be because it's funny? Ooh, my ear's falling. That was my dick.

You need to shoot something up in there. Apparently, there's a fuck shack in our town. We just learned that this weekend. Yeah, I don't know how i feel about that one i don't either but the homeless people are excited to be there i don't know so just yeah but there's a fuck shack i don't know and we've got some people from our town listening right now one of them is on there and he's talking to to erin did you know so here's a question matt did you know there was a fuck the question, Matt. Did you know there was a fuck shack in Lincoln? In Bikini Phyllis.

Matt has got to hook us up at some point in time, by the way. Actually, we should be doing this over at his house. We should be doing this over. Well, we can still go over there. I'm still sober enough to drive now. Oh, wow. Yeah. So the thing is, Matt and his lovely, lovely wife, Jackie who's a cadet, they've got to hook us up. With what? Really? With what? With what? What should they hook us up with? What do they do? Meat. They have a badass barbecue, and you know what? That's not where I was going with it, but that's okay. Well, right. Look, we've got a guy, and he's probably listening.

He might listen. Sometimes he listens. I don't know. We've got a guy that all I've said, fuck him, just go ahead, and if it can happen to coincide when he's smoking shit, that's a huge win. I i like brisket yesterday he asked how long i was working if i was working that day yesterday i'm like yeah i guess what are you doing after work i'm like shit when did you say you come get me what are we cooking he he i don't think he'd drive that far I'll'll bet he would drive that far. No. Talk louder. You're flatlining again. I don't know. You've got to find out. I'd have taken it. Mom, I've got to go.

Amanda's got to go get laid so I can get dinner. Oh, good God. What are you going to do when that comes out? When what comes out?

Well, right now, you know know the whole concept of being swingers mom's down with that all she gets it whatever but she hasn't i don't think actually put like two and two together it's like oh they're in the lifestyle they're swingers they're whatever which she thinks all of our people are cool because they're gonna send her get well cards and that means the world to her but i don't think she's actually put that thing together was like oh well this is this is I mean, it is fuck boy on the side. That's where it's going to be funny. I don't know if's actually put that thing together.

It was like, oh, well, this is Amanda's fuck boy on the side. That's where it's going to be funny. I don't know if I'd introduce him that way or introduce anybody that way. At some point in time, I'm going to be like, hey, I've got to go. I've got to go. I've got to play today. Y'all went and had drinks? That's going to be the worst thing.

I have to explain that to my mom no she knows what it means and then doesn't she know what swinging means supposedly I've explained it and I've went into detail so yes I'm just waiting for what detail have you gone into she asked a million and one questions not details about us just details of what the lifestyle is I mean yes here's the deal it'll probably come out if there's a swinger to a rehab facility and it's like oh go have physical therapy Thank you.

the lifestyle is oh i mean yes i here's the deal it'll probably come out if if there's a swinger to a rehab facility and it's like oh go have physical therapy and then her and i are going to go have physical therapy and they'll be like i come back and my hair is all a mess and she's all a mess and whatever it might raise some questions and i'm okay with that you know questions are how we learn just saying i don't know look know. Look, at some point in time, I'm going to get drunk around my sister-in-law and be like, you know, some of the people you work with, fuck other people as a hobby.

And I probably know who they are. I probably know a couple. Because she's a nurse also. So there you go. There's lots of nursing, a lot of medical stuff. We know some in her town. We do. We know a ton in her town. That's right. If they ever knew how many people we know. Do you know that we've come to your town for a party? Here's what's going to be funny. We're going to go out there at some point in time. They're going to go, let's go to the bar, whatever. People are going to know us and come up and be like, yay. They're going to be like, don't ask questions you don't want any answer to.

Can we do the shot? Sure. I'm kind of starting to feel a little too tight. There we go. I forgot that part. Mm-hmm. God, I wish I still smoked. All right. Oh. Yeah. Whew. The pauses in between shots are getting longer. Oh, my Lord. Okay, wait. Erin wants me to ask a question. Any questions? No, I think that was in reference to talking to your mom. Oh, gotcha. Okay. I think that's when she put that down. Oh, I got some questions. Do you know how long it's been since I've had multiple more than one drink? Oh, that is not where I thought you were going with that.

I thought you were going to say multiple more than one dick. It's been a while. That is a self-imposed punishment. You've got a badge. You can be like, hey, you bring your dick and your dick and your dick. I have a dick? No. No, you have a badge so you can say your dick, your dick, bring your dick. No, she's had more since from my birthday, multiple drinks, but it's been a while. It's probably close to it. It's been a long time. Oh, my birthday is probably the last time I had multiple drinks. No. I bought you multiple drinks because I wasn't going to let you get off with just having one.

Yes, I've tried to sabotage you at different times. Come on. When was time Multiple digs though We need to make that a priority We really need to get back to doing That swinging, part of the swinging thing That's fun, you know, fucking I know some of us have And others of us need this. Well, and I'm like, well, how long ago was that? It wasn't last week, was it? What, multiple dicks? Oh, just when you hooked up. We've fucked last week and this week, but someone, a different dick. No, me with a different dick. Which is almost, if it's been two years. The hotel and the Uber. Yeah.

If it's been two years. Two years of what? Of fucking, That's not even strange anymore I know That's just like I don't know Matt did you buy the Prostate tickler thing? No I won it I know you won it But did he buy it? Was he one that bought it for the gift? We did a white elephant, and I got a prostate tickler kit. Yes, you did. I have not broken that out of the box yet. I don't even think he knows where it's at. No, I don't. I haven't went looking for it. It's nothing against the gift, but I've just been too busy. There was a game in there.

Did you see the dude that won the big dildo, the giant ass butt plug that we brought? He was like, does anybody want this? He was hoping someone wanted to take it, and no one wanted a white elephant, that thing. Yes, Matt, she has been promoting Whiskey Wednesday, and she's doing a great job of it. She lives a little ways away, though. Oh, wait a minute. In the office. What? Wait, what? When was the last time you fucked in the office? What? Wait, what? I need another shot. Let's just go without the rum this time.

I'm trying to figure out what she's meaning Because I'm like going Well I haven't fucked in the office since September Matt, next week or the week after We're going to come over and Whiskey Wednesday And we're going to do the show live from your place Just so you know It'll be like a second drinking show Well actually I have stuff to talk Look questions that we could go over. But they're kind of, like, downer-ish. Oh, we don't want to do that. And I'm like, mmm. Then I'll go on a rant. And that's never bad. That's never bad? Where everything gets lost. Yes, everything does get lost in there.

Aaron, you want to be there? His office? Fuck yeah, his office is a lot My office is not blah. My office is a finely humming machine. Do you want me to bend me over the couch and fuck me? Yeah, I mean, I might jizz in the box stuff for KWM. But yeah, that's fine. Whatever. I don't care. I'm good with that. How would your jizz get in the box? The same way to get in the box of you. It's wherever I fucking shoot it at. Kind of weird. See, this is how dickin works. Wherever you point your dick, when you come, that's where the jizz goes. Wait a minute. Yes, he does. What? We want you there, too.

Wait, what? Everybody wants what? PM pics. Yeah, we can do that. We can send dirty pics. Erin. Erin's supposed to be sending me naked pics because she's drinking more. She's supposed to be getting drunk and sending me naked pics. She sent me Facebook friendly pics. And anybody's welcome to send me naked pics. If you're listening right now and you're on our secret page, if you want to send naked pics, fire them away. You send a messenger, they pop up here on the computer. Yeah, they pop up and we can see them right as we're going. Wow, man, just getting loose. Oh, perfect. Here we go.

One for the money. Anyways, I wish we knew what all booze was in that fucking thing. I made it. Yeah, how long ago? Do you really want to know? No, I don't. Booze doesn't mold. We know that. You want to know when I mixed it? Crazy, fuck. Here we go. This will be good for a living. It's the lemonade. This show will be way funnier. Cherry and vodka thing. When we're trying to decode what the fuck we were yammering about later. People are going to be like, that was the dumbest thing we've ever heard. I have to slow down. Why? No reason.

Let people hear what your vag sounds like Seriously Right now Take your pants off And bang yourself with the microphone And then be like That's the sound of Amanda's vag Then I get to smell my pussy for the rest of the show. There you go. No, I'm not going to do that. We'll take the little cover off. No. You don't need to have safe sex. You know where the microphone's been. Not on your vag. So when you take this little softy thing, all your juices are going to get stuck. Ooh, that's done. All your juices are going to get stuck in that. Well, put a fucking, we've got a condom.

Put a condom over it. Then they won't be able to hear it. Yeah, they will. They'll still to hear it Look a condom doesn't kill the sensitivity Don't buy into those myths It won't hurt the moment People want to know what your vag sounds like Look it's not like I said Make them hear what your ass sounds like That's private Just let them hear what your vag sounds like You know because that's quality shit right there Now we're doing something They'd rather taste it They'd rather feel it Thank you. Just let them hear what your badge sounds like. You know, because that's quality shit right there.

Now we're doing something. They'd rather taste it. They'd rather feel it. They don't want to hear it. Well, because we're limited on... Yes, it is. It's supposed to go... The thing is, because we're limited on space, we couldn't have a feel-a-thon in here. I mean, we could have. That would have been weird, just people walking by. A feel-a-thon? We'll put a tip jar at the end.

A feel-a-thon in here I mean we could have That would have been weird Just people walking by A feel-a-thon We'll put a tip jar at the end A feel-a-thon Blink Oh my god I must knock over the rum Dude as long as the lid's on That's fine Oh here we go Now you want to get to Now you want to subscribe To the YouTube channel Don't you I know you do I'm going to show you what don't you i know you do you want to see how much i'll hear i can make a sound can't laugh there we go aaron's drinking nice a little dab will do ya. Well, you can stand up. Stand up. I can stand up.

You can stand up, but you gotta face the other way. Because Facebook would kill me otherwise. You can't see anything. No, but I can get a better fucking SWAT on it this way. I mean... Put this shit on porn up. Seriously. What are you doing? Now, picture that with those pussy lips. I couldn't get a good smack. Kiss my ass. Smack your ass? That's what smacking Mr. Man's ass sounds like. There's the other part That goes right along with it You too can hear Now you can hear the live version Are your pussy lips chapped? Have you ever thought about putting Can you put chapstick on your pussy lips?

Would that work? I'm just wondering I'm just throwing it out there Here's you, though. Chapstick is medicated. That would burn like a son of a bitch. Look, my grandpa used to take fucking shit that said, do not for all use. It doesn't hurt and put it on his teeth. Remember that? I know. Okay, here's a question. Ladies, I need to know your honest opinion. How skilled at lipstick are you? I want somebody to take and put lipstick on your pussy lips and send me a picture. But make it neat. Not like sloppy. Not like a clown. We don't want sloppy pussy. You can't really decorate pussy lips.

I'll bet you can. I'll bet you could bedazzle the shit out of those motherfuckers if you wanted to. Where would you put them? Wait, the bedazzlement? The little tongue sticking out there. You could pierce the tongue. Everybody does this tongue. I know. Oh! There's closer to the sound. See, now we're getting it. Hopefully the mic picked that up. No, it wouldn't work. But all you guys are so sure it wouldn't work. How many of you have tried? Would take a whole tube of lipstick. Amy, that's funny as shit. How many of you have tried? That's the question. I have never even crossed my mind.

I know, but see. That's a good point. That's actually true. But think of this for a minute. Think of going up to the makeup counter at like JCPenney's. And when the old lady goes, can I help you? Would you like to try a sample? Like, well, yes, I would. That would be awesome. And then just whip, have a skirt on, lift your skirt, just go and fucking. They don't do that. That's not how makeup samples work anymore. Blush. Look, if we pinch it, it gets a little rouge. Wow. Hey, there's Becky. Becky, just for you. Ready? Ready? I'm like a hypno-toad right here. Oh, wait, I gotta look up.

There you go. Gotta hurry before an eye's got all bloodshot and shit. Your eyes aren't gonna get bloodshot. Wow, we've almost gone through that bottle. Yeah. Nope. What could possibly go wrong? Not a damn thing. Anyways. So, yeah. You wouldn't... Hmm. You could use it to steal stuff, though. You could steal, like, little tubes of makeup and shit. Sometimes I think guys get confused that there's a difference between a kangaroo pouch and a vagina. We'll just shove it in your ass. Ha Your ass and a kangaroo pouch are not anywhere close to the same.

A kangaroo pouch has like fluid, it keeps them damp and moist and cool and stuff. Okay. It's like a vag. Can we switch the topic? So there's not little ears coming out of your vag. What's up there? Why, it's Roo. It's Roo's there. Thank you. I just made a Winnie the Pooh reference on an adult alternative lifestyle podcast. Here's to drinking. You know, I should have made... Everybody likes to get to the bottom of it and have the honey. Face fuck that pot. Exactly. All over your face. I should have...

And then Terry will be bouncing around All excited trying to get that fucking arena I was going to say something that was funny And fucking Okay change subject What's a different subject I totally No it was a different subject But it was like a smooth transition And all of a sudden I'm like totally Seriously I totally like no, it was a different subject, but it fucking, it was like a smooth transition. And all of a sudden, I'm like, totally, seriously, I totally like. Did I throw you for a loop with Tigger? Not at all. Oh, you forgot what you were talking about. Damn.

Now I just have like a complete blank. I have no idea. I'm like, what are we doing? It's like I just woke up out of a coma. What are we doing? What's even going on? Oh, I know. I was going to say, I should, I needed, we should have made me, uh, uh, like the Casual Cadet sashes. I should have had one made for me that's like. You want to play queen? No, cadet, no, fuck it. Cadet, commander. Commander, cadet. Okay. But basically, so I could have had a sash too. I just need a different hat. Why are you looking at me all judgy like that?

Actually, it's my brain release The thing is This is some important stuff we have to talk about right now With KWN Friday night is karaoke I like to sing with bands We know this We've seen me do it I was there You can find me on YouTube Sing with bands actually Probably, yeah No, it's true I've done it I've Googled myself Well, you search on YouTube But that's okay But I feel like I should Karaoke of some variety On Friday night How many drinks do you have to have to get up there and do that? Well, probably none. Probably one. I'm going to have a cocktail.

Just a little, you know, something to wet the cheeks and gums. But I got to figure out what I should karaoke to. I'm bummed you're going to miss Friday night also. out what I should karaoke to. I won't get up there. I'm bummed you're going to miss Friday Night Also. Yeah, you will. Fuck, I will. With a group. Fuck, I will. We'll put you in the back of your short. Why will you not get up with a group? Have you heard me sing? No, because you never get up and do it. so you might be awesome. You've heard me sing Jackass in the car. Yeah, you sound good in the car.

I don't shy away from singing in front of you. No, you sound good in the car. As I was once told by a vocal teacher, you sing flat. Oh, fuck, shut up. You're also told that short girls can't run, and your ass could sprint down a fucking path like a motherfucker. That's crap. Irap. I don't know about that. Crack. Crap. Crap. Whatever. Anyways, it doesn't matter. So low you can't hear me. But I have to figure this out. But she's supposedly this really hot DJ. Yes. I got to remember her name. That's really a key. I got to find her information again. Yeah, she's super hot.

So we got a hot DJ on Friday night. And a dude on Saturday night. She's like lifestyle. Oh, yeah, yeah. Everybody we got doing shit is lifestyle. Like everybody. Our security is lifestyle. Some of our front office staff won't be. The employees of the hotel won't be. But our people will be. So they understand the needs, the quest, the desires of lifestyle people. What we need to do to go further in this. I'm supposed to give the Saturday night DJ a blowjob at his booth. I don't know if that will happen.

I can tell you it will not happen because security won't remove your ass because no you can't be sucking a dick in the ballroom when I'll remove people for that shit when did that fucking become part of the contract no it didn't it wasn't part of the contract he just made it in comment okay good because like I'm paying so if we're going to do that as part of the contract we need to reduce the rate I have to pay Just saying Doesn't mean I won't come down beforehand Well, whatever Yeah, okay He'll be setting up lights and shit And you'll be in there fucking And you have to sing Look, as long as I don't have to pay for an Uber Outwards, I don't fucking care You can have your outfitters on Just saying Hey, you know, people need to buy fucking crazy one of your shirts.

Dude, I just thought of that. I don't want to be the only one wearing one. That'd look silly. Just don't know. Why are we not doing shots there? Yeah, no dicks in the ballroom. None. And if you're a dickhead, we'll remove you too. Just saying. Anyway, what don't don't look all judgy don't look the microphone started to get away from me that's what it was it was tell my story okay everybody twas the night before christmas all through the house not a creature restoring i actually had a good dirty one going for a while i I thought of it and then I lost it today. I had it.

I was thinking about it because I wanted to do it. Do you know every... Okay, so at work they're playing Christmas songs, right? Yes. So Cole has this habit of when we get in the car and Christmas songs come on, he sings perverted lyrics to it. He just does it naturally. My kids have now picked it up also. So what's the one old one where I think of suck my cock? That would be Andy Williams. And don't forget to put up your sock. So then it's like, don't forget to suck my cock. So I've now converted my wife into being a fucking dirty perv just like I am all the time. By the way, this...

Oh, but you know, there's no place like home for the holidays. I always say, because the traffic is horrific, because you always say that. It's like not even the words. But, hey, look, Jack is on. Jack's on! Okay, so, look... Jack on, Jack on. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Alright, Jack actually has the greatest picture. Oh, hold on. To Jack. Oh, fuck me running. Okay, so. Oh, boy. So, okay, Jack, I'm going to tell this story because, dude, it's just funny. So, Jack is a celebrity on our page now. Okay. He is. Okay, because he fucking rocks.

And if you're not a member of Kazmink, you need to be a member. I'm sorry. Because you need to find this picture that Jack posted. It was awesome. Dude. You're the one that pointed it out.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Re original Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer I've seen it A lot The head elf And it just was It's just Jack Looks just like him It was the funniest thing ever Jack I have to tell you this because you'll appreciate that i showed my mom and my brother and they both agreed they both died laughing uh but jack is a stud because he like he created a meme himself of it and posted it and i'm like that's fucking badass cool he he is he is the shit and a half and and melissa's super cool too they it's more complicated than we were talking about it. Show me a picture.

I'm like, oh, that one. No, look, all the people that we've hung out with this last week are so much fucking fun. We've actually hung out a lot. We went out Thursday night. We went out Saturday night. Yeah, we went out fucking, we went out twice. Oh shit, it's almost like we're not a hundred and fucking ten. Holy shit. You used to go out every Friday and Saturday night. Yeah, like fucking rock stars. It's like five o'clock in the morning. Oh no, it's almost 1130. Oh, we better go. Get the canes, get the canes. Fuck that shit.

But in all fairness, I I get up way earlier I don't give two fucks I used to commute The best night in the lifestyle We need to go vanilla hunting Be very very quiet We are hunting vanillas I know it was one of the best nights ever No I have one have one. Well, I know you, okay. I want to go do a trap and release program where we trap them, fuck them, and release them, not where we keep them forever, okay? Just saying. They're good. Whatever, you do you. The thing is, is that the best night. That one vanilla, I'm pretty sure you could call her up and she'd be all game. Seriously?

Most likely she's single again. Why am I just now? My phone is currently occupied. Living like a half hour away. I'll pay for a fucking Uber tonight. I don't care. Holy fucking shit. Seriously. Oh, my God. So here's the deal with this chick. It fucking awesome. So, in Omaha, a town that I used to live in, it's close nearby, there's this old Divey Hotel. It's been there for years. Like, my family's lived in Omaha for like 50 years. And it's been there the whole time. It's a round, circular hotel. Always wanted to see inside of it. It was always kind of known as the Cheaters Hotel.

Not only did we bag a vanilla that we fucking had been, that I'd been hunting a while where do you want to go and you go how about the starlight yeah it's just like you picked that one just because it was it was two fucking bucket list items at one shot ba bam we fucked till 4 30 in the morning it was a thursday i went home took a shower and got back in the car and drove back to go to work for all day friday and then and partied all weekend and you know what i have never been so tired so exhausted so hungover and so goddamn happy as i was that fucking beyond kicked ass.

yes if she's single again oh fuck yeah she's single again oh fuck well guess what coles on coles list of things to do tomorrow hi want to fucking screw she lost her necklace i felt bad for that but not my problem so the thing was is that oh my god well it wasn't i didn't i mean that i didn't you know i had nothing to do with that part of it you know uh well and here's the thing yes the starlight is the classic hotel name and it's a big circle i mean it was totally in the 70s it is just oh my god spaceship yeah it's it's fucking bad my hair is sweating um because we're getting hammered maybe, speaking of which Parched Do you want rum or do you want this straight shit Oh yeah We better slow down now We have 15 more minutes What?

We missed halftime Oh my god, because you were yammering We have a guest at the studio door Should we let him in? We have a guest at the studio door. Should we let him in? Ho! You just busted my speakers. Merry Christmas, Crazy Truth. It's Santa, kids. I'm so glad to get to be here again this year. Do you know what all the kids are asking for? No, what's that, Santa? Dick! They all want full swap shop merchandise. Really? They do? It's the number one stocking stuffer all around.

So don't forget, go to full swap shop because that's where Santa goes goes ho ho ho you're gonna get hobbles in here wasn't me it was santa that was the weirdest thing i ever saw it nobody move there's a big three-legged dog standing here it's kind of like fluffy from hog, except he's only got three legs. Just saying. This is what we do when he comes in when we sleep at night. Nobody actually moves. He doesn't know. Stay. This will make for great radio later. I swear to God it will. It's very important to know. If you can hear the knocking, that's his tail on the wall.

The scene you'll hear is panting. That's not Amanda. That's the dog. He's smiling. Here's to Willie's. This is why we do this once a fucking year Apparently Willie doesn't like Apparently Willie doesn't like Santa Well that was pretty cool Santa stopping at the last minute like that Oh no no no Oh boy There's no room for him to come in here. Well, there's room for him to come in. It's hopping out backwards. It gets kind of weird. Just saying. And there goes all of our stuff is going to go to Hoplin'. By the way, this is where the podcast gets really loud.

This is where the big, big oaf starts knocking everything down with it. He can shoot a Christmas ball off our Christmas tree about 25 feet. Oh, there's your tickler thingy. My French tickler? No, the prostate tickler. Oh, yep, there it is. Oh, what are we going to do? Oh, Willie, what you doing, baby? Stop, nope, stop. Stay, nope. Stay, stop. Oh, God, all hell's about to break loose. Hey, baby. Okay, turn his tail off. Luckily, we have adult supervision. Amanda's going to jump in. And there we go. Good job. Crisis averted. Oh, my Lord. You know, it's fun having listeners...

You got Sour Peckers. Sour Peckers. Bitey. I got a game. Here's your pleasure. I haven't looked at it yet. She plays games. You got, like, lubes and shit. Did you see that? I don't... Delay spray, condoms that I should use some delay splay The next time I jack off Yes the next time I jack off And see if it lasts longer What they didn't get was a big huge thing of anal lube They did not Sizzable What the fuck are sizzables Is that like geranimals Sizzle lips Sizzable? What the fuck are sizzables? Is that like geranimals? Sizzle lips warming edible gel. Wait a minute. Want to try that later?

No, because I don't want my lips hot. That's the prostate fun. If you put that on, your lips will get hot and numb, then my lips will get hot and numb, and Bill Cosby did like a thing on that or something one time. What are you doing? Looking at it. That goes around your dick and your ass. I don't think it goes around your ass. You know what? I've seen these before. You used to buy these in leather and and they were like slapjacks. Oh, that hurt. Ow! Right there, that's a solid butt thingy. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Oh, would you stop it? Gimme. Stop it. Not a snorkel.

This looks like it has a button that it turns on, but it doesn't. Push the prostate. Watch it vibrate. Well, there's like a button, but it doesn't do anything. Well, maybe it needs batteries. Maybe that's like an abort button. Oh, I thought maybe there'd be a light there or something. Oh. But it doesn't click or anything. Maybe... Ow, I pulled my hair. Imagine him. What else is in the little thing? Well, this one, that looks fun. They're soft. They're not like a women's butt plug. That one's flexible. What? Don't shove it up your nose, you fucktore. Don't. That is so gross.

It's made for your ass. How is shoving it up your nose that gross? If it was in your ass first, then it would be gross. Shoving it up your nose, clean up your nose, that is not gross. It just is. Oh, no.

That's going to go up your butt up your nose that is not gross oh no that's gonna go up your butt wipe that off it must already be in there i lost it in my butt i think you just push i think lube when you push is how it goes in no that unscrews wait i'm playing catch up what did i do it doesn't have a battery in it bring it's not what you did it's the drinking show last minute let me ask it's not what you did it's what you haven't. Last minute, let me ask. It's not what you did. It's what you haven't done. But it's okay. No, actually, we've got some of the people on here.

Okay, we are putting together a team. And we are going to get. Well, yeah. But we're going to get all drunk. And we're going to invade this fuck house that we found out about in Lincoln. But we all have to get the fuck shack. So we need, you know, a little bit more clarity on who owns it and shit. Right, but what we're going to do is we're just going to go invade it on a Friday or Saturday night, but we're going to get drunk. And I'm counting, I knew that Bree would absolutely be one that I could count to get drunk and help lead this little charge.

Because we're the same person, but she has a vag and I have a dick. Does she really? And so the thing is, we're putting together this team. We're going to do an explosion. What's that? We drank that whole bottle. This could explain why I can't feel my nose right now.'ll be damned uh no i think we'll do i will do it before we can't leave we can't leave kwin to go to to to come to lincoln during kwin they need us there dude but we we will put together a big group of people uh and we're gonna go invade this fuck house this fuck shack and we'll we'll shoo out any fucking oh Okay.

house this fuck shack and we'll we'll shoot out any fucking oh god we can shoot out any of the fucking crackheads whatever squatters yeah and and we'll just see it up so if you would like to apply to be part of the during kwin we have hotel rooms we'll just have a big i don't know well maybe We will schedule an orgy in one of them. What in the flying... I do not... Yeah, absolutely. We'll just have a big, I don't know, maybe we'll schedule an orgy in one of them. What in the flying, I do not, yeah, absolutely, let's schedule some more shit. What could possibly go wrong with that?

Oh, okay, but this is supposed to be like less work, so in the evening when we're exhausted, we can just hang out, suck dick, eat pussy, and fuck. You know, what you're supposed to do in a swingery thing. There's supposed to be less work. Great news, now we know she's drunk, kids. See, the show worked, everybody. It will be. It will be a laid-back event. I promise. I promise. I'll play it. There are some of us planning oil wrestling or smashing watermelons between our thighs during KWN. As long as it's behind closed doors, I don't care. Yeah, do whatever.

Although it's going to be, I got louder there, it's going to be really funny when there's like this whole produce truck come fucking pull it up and people carrying it. Normally people just order pizzas. That's weird. No. Is somebody going to get crowned Miss Gallagher? Not many people just order pizzas. That's weird. No. Is somebody getting a crown Miss Gallagher? That's a good reference right there. It is a good reference, but no. I mean, I guess if they're squirters, I guess. Are you going to put a condom on the fruit for safe sex first?

actually if you squish bananas we could make banana bread at the end of the weekend. We could have a Casbah bake-off. I can't feel my teeth. Okay, so if you'd like to come to Lincoln right now and find us, we'll do weird fucking stupid shit. Just saying. I'm going to find the fuck house right now and I'm going to pound it on the door to the neighbors. I know it's only Wednesday, but we got to screw. Open up. We got to have the studio not so hot. This is a grape condom. Well, taste it. No, I won't open it. I'll taste it. Is it like grape jelly? Hold on. Let's wait.

Why would you waste a condom like that? We have fucking 75,000 of these motherfuckers. But that's a grape condom. It's purple! Does it taste like grape? Mm-hmm. You're fucking gross. I like cough medicine grape. Here, you try it. Oh my god, it does. For some reason, I have a desire for grape jelly toast and rubber. Weird. It's purple. Oh, S. Purple. Oh, I'll get that sucked in my throat. We have to go to the emergency room. Hey, one more trip to the hospital. What the fuck could possibly go on? She has a condom stuck in her vimpie. You're just blowing little dick bubbles out of an eye.

Oh, my God. That smells so grapey. I like grape markers. And now my hand smells, tastes great. My hand smells, and I'm licking my hand. My hand smells. I can taste sound. It's like mixed rubber and grape together. And you know what you'd get with that? A condom. I'll be fucking damned.

Oh, my okay i could give a blowjob with these you can give a blowjob without anything i've seen you do it some of them are kind of iffy but there's some people where they where they put on a condom they take the condom off and you go to give them a blowjob and they taste like latex right is that better or worse than nasty whatever okay well no i'll lick pussy juice but there's but you taste the rubber you're just like but this would taste like grape it tastes like that's fucking awesome dude if we got it on er sent me to the sex sent me to the er we'd have the casbah edition we would make i would totally make them pay extra to use our logo and shit i'm such a dick I'd be like hey you know that's copyright What's this Now what am I putting on now What are we doing I'm going to start sniffing myself Oh that tastes good What are we eating That's the warming chill Oh fucking A is it even safe for consumption It says edible Oh well you didn't tell me that part I don't know.

That's the warming chill. Oh, fucking A. Is it even safe for consumption? It says edible. Oh, well, you didn't tell me that part. Wouldn't it taste like fucking cotton candy if it wasn't edible? Well, here's what's going to be funny. My tongue's going to be on fire, and I'm not going to know why. And we'll be like, oh, that's great for a talk show. That tastes really good. She's just like, oh, no wonder. The flavor. What is it? Hot butter rum.

Rrrrrrrrrrr having hot toddy sexes now i'm licking my thumb no wonder it tastes good but it tasted good though it does well i had to put it on my pussy and you can lick it off like oh there we go hey you know what this is over in like one minute I don't know. Tastes good, but it tasted good, though, didn't it? It does. Well, I had to put it on my post-it, and you can lick it off my... Oh, there we go. Hey, you know what? This is over in, like, one minute. So then I can put this on. You can lick all the hot butter rum off. That's... Wow, you're getting all good. Or do I need a volunteer?

Someone, I can put this on. Do they have meat? To fuck with, maybe. Well, they're going to bring snacks. They could be a girl, too. You know, but... Do they have meat? To fuck with, maybe. They're going to bring snacks. They could be a girl, too. Look, we can have an overall party. I don't care. Bring snacks. I don't care. I just got to help mom move tomorrow. Once I talk, we have to be quiet when I'm on the phone with my mom. You're not moving until the afternoon. What's going on? Well, there's currently an orgy, mom. So just hold on.

We're all trying to lick hot butter rum off Amanda's pussy. So once we get that done, then we're all good. This is how this is going to work. I'm willing to be tired tomorrow. You're not the one that's got to go deal with the rehab center. I have to go to work. Really? You have no bosses. By the way, if you want to fuck Amanda at her job, they have no bosses. We have no adult supervision.

So pretty much, she won't even have to hide she can just like fucking bang you on her desk just saying I don't know if I'd go I don't know if I'd go that far depends who they are I bet you would you have enough hot bottled hot bottled rum hot butter hey dogs ate a whole stick of butter today assholes so the one three like a dog got more than just cookies Because he got up on my counter And got the butter out of the bowl I'm drunk Are you really? I still have to talk to mom, dude I'm just so fucking wrong Wait, we need to finish the bottle Do I need to sign off? Oh, I've lost my glass. Becky.

Why are you doing that? Oh, wait. I gotta look up. I keep forgetting to look up. You're such a dick. I'm sticky. Come on. Cheers. Hold on, Jesus Christ, you lush. Holy fucking shit. Here, I'll do it. Cheers to me. I did the same thing. Oh, my God. What if you're feeling that no amount of aspirin is going to make that feel better tomorrow? You'll be fine. Nope. Microphone, that is.

Yeah Yeah Alright it's like over an hour And I'm pretty sure we've bored them to death I think there's only been like one You only have like two people No that's a lie though Up there we have a bunch of people on that device Oh there's like 11 I don't understand It's like if they don't come down here They only stay up there Cause they want to be up there And they don't want to be down here weird that's fucked up all right come on it's time to go try out this gel oh my lord well if i could lick it off myself i would then you'd be a puppy okay that'd be so fucking get me off where's amanda rolling around licking her own pussy again If If I could, I would.

I'm just not that flexible. So we would like to take this opportunity to wish you and yours an extremely healthy, happy, horny, happy holidays because Christmas is coming so make sure you hang your stockings with care I'll make a dick use new clean the toys get ready for a new year so the next time you hear us cause this is the last night of season 4 oh no this is the last one learn the fucking song fuck off Thank you.

night of season four oh no and time no this is the last one learn the fucking song fuck off i'm the old one not the baby one so the next time you hear us we will be starting season five so let's just take a moment and shut the fuck up remember season four a moment of silence for season four. Ow. With that being said, I'm watching you. Here, I'm checking my list. Oh, my God. Stop it. All right. So the end of season four is finally over. Hallelujah. Don't forget our paid advertisers. I was supposed to talk to one of them tonight. ASN, but I'll be eating pussy. ASNLifestyleMagazine.com.

Smart swingers read, but even horny swingers eat pussy. So, there you go. FullSwapShop.com. Remember what Santa said. Ho. And don't forget, you can hear us on Full Swap Radio, the radio network. We're on Mondays, 5 and 11. My rants are on on Tuesdays. and we're all over the place all the time 43 great shows check them out today I do a lot of work on that please listen to the fucking station anyways with that being said the only way I know how the only way I want to can't wait to see many of you naked have sex with many of you in 2022 and then during season 5 because that will be a new thing.

Who did we fuck today? Until then Casbah style out bye