Send us Fan MailYou know we cover lots of serious stuff, but this week, well.... this week we went straight off the rails or at least Kole Did. IF you want to laugh and maybe find some swinger things that you can relate to you must give this show a listen. We talk about the real world problems of using the other hand to Masturbate with and so much more. NO words can give this episode the justice it deserves. We will promise this, You had better be ready to have people ask what is so funny because you will be rolling. Hell the Lifestyle is supposed to be fun and this weeks show was! Want to hear all our shows? Go to www.buzzsprout.com/181336Visit our paid sponsors:Visit Promescent for all your sexual wellness needs and save 15% automatically at checkout by using this link: https://bit.ly/3fkn7CU https://bit.ly/3m7Frn2 (www.Promescent.com) http://www.smokinmeatsbbqtreats.com http://www.asnlifestylemagazine.com http://www.fullswapshop.com http://www.forbidden-omaha.comVisit us at http://www.fullswapradio.comVisit us at : http://www.krazykasbh.comYouTube : http://www.youtube.com/KasbhSend us emails at [email protected]: @TruthKrazyInstagram http://www.instagram.com/Krazy_Kasbh/Support the show
Transcript
Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Wait a minute, what time is it? Shit. Wait, start. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth Fucking cunt I'm the host of the most I'm Cole I'm here with the lovely lovely And slightly pissing me off Miss Amanda And we're here to fucking tan late Apparently make me look like a fucking complete retard On the fucking phone Not even on the fucking phone computer Whatever the fuck this is It's hard to Speaker2: believe my Speaker1: phone's not ringing off the Speaker2: hook with people that want to Speaker1: sponsor our Speaker2: show Speaker1: for those of you who have just tuned in and wonder what the hell's going on or why do Speaker2: we listen Speaker1: because this is season 4 episode 182 why because the teleprompter tells us it is season 182 no that would Speaker2: be wrong Speaker1: season 4 episode 182 of the crazy truth Thank you. Season 4, episode 182. Why? Because the teleprompter tells us it is. Season 182. No, that would be wrong. Season 4, episode 182 of The Crazy Truth. And a quick shout out while I'm thinking about it and getting to fuck it up from our paid sponsors. Hey, don't forget Promescent. P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T dot com for all your penis and sex needs. Actually, no, for all of your better sex needs, check them out today. KK15 gets you 15% off on all their products, and they've got all sorts of different things from lubes, vitamins, sprays to help enhance your sexual experience and also help to make it last longer. And again, six-day money-back guarantee. Try't, don't make excuses. Just give it a try. I've got my new bottle of Botaflex is on its way. So I'm excited. Can't wait to get it because I take it every single day. Also, you know, smart swangers read. They sure do. What? Yep. Just like I read the teleprompter. They read a magazine. What magazine do they read? I'll tell you what magazine they read. ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. If you want to know what's going on in the lifestyle, the movers, the shakers, and all the shit in between, check out ASNLifestyleMagazine.com today. Rumor has it someday we're going to be on the cover of that motherfucker. Fuck yeah, I will be, goddammit. Anyways, check them out today. And by the way, I would have their awards here showing up tomorrow, our ASN Lifestyle Magazine Awards that we won. They'll be here tomorrow. So next week they'll be on the show. And finally, don't forget. Now, look, here's the deal. If you have meat, whether it be a wiener or maybe it's a patty, you like to have your meat rubbed and you want to rub with quality stuff, so you're going to go to SmokinMeatsBBQTreats.com. That's a Nebraska company. If you want good seafood, go to the coast. If you want good meat rubs, go to the Midwest. SmokinMeatsBBQTreat treats.com that's a nebraska company if you want good seafood go to the coast if you want good meat rubs go to the midwest smoking meets bbq treats.com check them out today and check out their newest flavor hickory dust tell them casbah sent you i've let them rub my meat and it was delicious so check it out today smoking meets barbecue treats.com bbq treats.com Why wouldn't you say, like, slab or butt? Because I wasn't thinking that. Or something other than patty because all i can i'm trying to figure something for a clit and look i'm doing the best i can i can't with this shit on it again shake it again not necessarily shake it again shake what again your tits dumbass your tits the meat rub they want them they want the meat rub shaking yeah just not too much remember we'll get booted okay oh good lord i did and you know what and in that short time frame we lost the listeners weird for those of you who don't know what we do we do this in front of our live facebook page studio audience, at Kazbins, Kazba Inc. It's a secret page. Shh, don't tell the others. But you can join, too. How do you join? Send me an email. You never know what will happen. So you can join up. And normally we do this on Sundays, but we're starting to move to Mondays because Monday night more people can listen listen so we may stick with this monday night thing so this show will actually air on thursday and yeah so there we go so we got all kinds of cool shit so we got kind of weird shit unique shit today to cover and go over because i pulled some just some you know a lot of times i pull i pull from all over the place i pull from the left pull from the right but always use the same hand or otherwise it's a stranger ah anyways Thank you. because I pulled some just some you know a lot of times I pull I pull from all over the place I pull from the left pull from the right but always use the same hand or otherwise it's a stranger ah anyways uh so but no a lot of times uh you know because we get questions I get questions all the live long day uh about different things the same doesn't matter which hand you use oh yeah but see you're ambidextrous I'm fucking I'm more monogamous with when it comes to my masturbation skills i'm gonna make a shirt that says that monogamous masturbator because i don't invite strangers over unless i know they can toggle my ball but they can't touch the winner what masturbated you yeah but that's a hand job that's not masturbation master that's a hand job does that one hand feel like it's cheating no it feels like it's all fucking stupid it doesn't know how to stroke and rhythm it's like sitting down trying to play the drum you're like you don't know what's doing this hand's like do we go up do we go down no actually it likes to break sometimes sometimes it gets tired and just goes over the other side goes and this hand just fills in and it's like it's like when the second string quarterback comes in because this hand it knows what it's doing it knows the speed the stroke the grip it's got the whole thing down then you bring the other one in that doesn't really know what's going on and it's just there to manage the game its only job is to make sure your dick stays hard don't fuck it up don't squeeze door and cause you to lose the boner but you're not expected to finish it out with a win this hand the left hand is not there to make you come it's just to manage till the right hand can come back into the game that's the way that works keep it hard keep it soft tickle it just right yep don't fuck it up because you know it's going to fumble a little bit just get it through till this hand's rested and the cramping's gone and you grab it again and then you fucking beat it like it owes you money and the thing is you don't ever start with the left hand here's why because then this hand gets all fucked up if you start with the wrong hand you're you're gonna look you're gonna be in that when you start jacking off usually what happens is your dick's like semi-hard. If you start with the second string hand in there, you're just going to slap it around on your stomach and shit, and it's just going to fuck it up, and you're just going to get frustrated and tired. Okay? And then you're going to go to bed. You're going to have a blue ball because you didn't get off. Your penis is kind of sore a little bit. You might have scraped it weird. You might have forgot to take a ring off and scuff the tip. That's happened before. And at which point in time, then when the other one goes, hey, wait, I'm ready to jump in, boss. Now your penis is just tired. It's just like, fucking quit touching me. It's kind of like, it's like, it's like you petted too much and the dog, it's like your dick becomes a cat. And it's like, it wanted to be petted. You were stroking it and petting it and that was fine. And then all of a sudden, a sudden it got tired of it it wants to walk away now you want to jump in with the other hand and your penis like fuck you you had your chance and it wanders off and then you're just sitting there and what kind it just kind of sneaks away so then you're just kind of going oh and then and then and you can toggle your nut you can shake it you do whatever this hand can try everything wants to. It ain't coming back up. Nope. Ain't coming back up. At that point in time, you might as well use your dick to fucking make cool sounds. Slapping on your stomach, on your legs. Slap a cat. I don't care what you do with it. It doesn't matter. You can just whip it around because all it's going to do is just lay there. It's like, fuck you. And it'll just be sore. And then the next day, you'll be like, go to jack off. It's like, are you ready? You're sore and then the next day you'll be like go to jack off it's like are you ready you're gonna use the right hand you're like yay and and so this hand's all excited and just jumps right in like a boss the next day and just zips it right through all you bitches and all your toys this shit's real man this shit's real just saying uh i know i don't wear the flip offering when i jack off i try to take it off uh now the rubber ring it's not a big deal the black ring but if i use if my if i use my lightning bolt ring because it's too big so it's taped that shit will catch and snag on shit it's weird i have sometimes switch fingers and forgot that i had it on this hand and that was awkward as hell because it was okay on the down stroke, but on the up stroke, it caught the lip of the head and that hurt.
Speaker2:
And nothing,
Speaker1:
nothing ruins a sexual experience. Like when you hear somebody scream and it's yourself going,
Speaker2:
ow,
Speaker1:
and it's like, it just kills the moment. Your penis gets scared. Just saying. So there you go. And all we bitch about is the battery die. Oh, shit. You just want a battery. And here's the thing. No matter how much you train and practice, I've been doing this for 49 years. I'm a master. You'll still get a cramp. You can still, like, some days you'll still cramp up. So, porn is for it. No, it doesn't matter. Some days you have no choice but to bring second string in there, and you're just like, fuck. Even getting a hand job okay this is god's not even when you're getting a hand job oh my god sometimes stand up no sometimes look i i'll let you like if you give me a hand job i like that but eventually what happens eventually i'm like you're like i'm like just tickle the ball and and because the thing is you mean well you do a great job but you don't know the right speed. My penis is looking for that familiar touch. Here's the thing, I never use lube. He does it dry. I never use lube, never have. Now, I may start to like, spin on it and see how that works. No, I haven't done that. But I mean, that was gross. But I'm just saying, you know, wait a minute, your hand, oh yeah, your hand go numb. Yeah, that's, fuck yeah, that's happened. Wow. Or you're like cramping up and you're like, come on, because I have fibro, so my hand will start to, I'm like, oh good, and then it's a race, will shooting your load feel better, or will the pain went out in your hand, and you're just like, come on, or as a dad. Hey, before we had toys, you had to go like this, I get the cramping. Oh, see, there you go. And let us tell you, as every guy can attest, we're surprised more women don't have Popeye arms. Because when we're trying to eat your pussy, we have to go until our tongue goes fucking numb, part of our teeth, we can feel our brain fucking start to drip out of our noses. Not everyone is. I have, okay, there's like three girls in all these years that I've met that it's like, ooh, my tongue goes, and they're like, boosh. Most of the time it's like, lick. Pretty soon you're like, I got a sharp spot on my tooth. Click. Ow.
Speaker3:
I can't feel my neck.
Speaker1:
My lips, they're going numb. Lick. Oh my god, I think I'm going to go have brain dead. And then you're like, FUURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURUR just a soaking ass mess. So you're down there and you're waterboarding yourself. You're trying to breathe. And that's about the time when you go to take a breath. You're like, ah, ah, and you go to take a breath, and you know what? For some reason, as soon as it stops, instantly, we have to start all fucking over. It's like, I have to fucking breathe, bitch. I don't have a snorkel. And you start over, and you're like, and you want to get, the thing is, you really want to get your girl off. You want to do it for her, because she can suck your dick and get you off, but you're just like don't have my time and i mean it's just and and god forbid if you've shaved recently but not recently enough and then we're licking sandpaper and now we're now we know what a cat feels like ah ah because we can hear go do you understand the fact that after if you have shaved it's been like a day or two since you've shaved left and a guy eats your pussy all the way to getting you to actually cum, he cannot actually taste anything in his mouth for three days. Every taste of it is sanded completely off. Your tongue instantly becomes like a sheet of ice. It's just slick and smooth. The only thing I wish I could have ever figured out how to do was when I smoked. If I could have figured out how to smoke and do it at the same time. Because the thing is, there's times you're just like, man, I just need a fucking break. Now, and then on top of it, you're not a girl that's easy to get off with fingers, too. Some girls, it's like, switch, doink, and you hit the button. You're just like, okay. Luckily, you are like, we want to fuck. I'm like, how the fuck do you have to come up? I get tired of it, too. I'm just like, just come fuck. With my long hair, it's like, and even when I'm younger, I have long hair. I mean, I come up and fucking your hair is fucking. In the back, it's matted down from sweat from working so hard. You slobber. It's so you don't, your tongue doesn't catch on fire. It's friction for fuck's sakes. Do you know when they cut metal with a torch? They water jet it so it doesn't explode. If I'm not slobbering, my tongue is going to start to smoke. It's going to smoke. It's going to start coming out of my mouth. And eventually my tongue is just going to go, bam. And I'll be like, oh. And that's when it's all fun and games until your tongue explodes. And then I'm just trying to bang you with my Yulia thing, whatever it is, hanging in the back of your throat. And that's all you can do. Wow, you were really close. Wow, that's impressive. Just saying. There you go. It's an uvula. I don't know. I'm just saying. You know, your jaw hurts. Your tongue's enough. So it's stand-up here at Crazy Truth tonight. I don't know. What are you talking about? I'm just saying you know my my your jaw hurts your tongues are numb here at crazy truth i don't know what are you talking about i'm just you spent 13 minutes rambling about masturbation and oral sex yeah and your point is look man i i'm here it's the crazy truth i'm here to deliver the message. You know, this is what it is. Why do I wear all black? Because I'm here. I'm the messenger, man. I've been instowed with the message to the masses about fucking proper whacking off one hand cheating on the other there was no here's the problem is is we give it simple names like we don't use the real name masturbation because that's too long we use jacking off whacking off beating it you know with like funny names like you know slapping the monkey and beating like it owes you money that doesn't it doesn't portray the true image of the true art and science there is to this look guys that use that use lube I don't know. beaten it like it owes you money, that doesn't, it doesn't portray the true image of the true art and science there is to this. Look, guys that use, that use lube to do it dry like I do, they couldn't do it. It would fuck them up. If you put lube in my hand, do you want to know what's going to happen? God's honest truth. Do you want to know? Do you? My hand is going to slip off and I'm going to punch myself in the fucking head. And I'm just not going to feel good. I'm going to be like, stroke stroke, bam, and then I'm going to give myself a the fucking head and i'm just not gonna feel good i'm gonna be like stroke so bam and then i'm gonna give myself a fucking concussion i'm just saying that so masturbation is the better way to true the complexity of the art of the strokage i got nothing i'm done so there you go. What are you doing? So anyways.
Speaker2:
You feeling okay?
Speaker1:
Just saying.
Speaker3:
You feeling okay?
Speaker1:
I don't know if I'm horny or if I'm just afraid to touch myself anymore.
Speaker3:
You're a dipshit.
Speaker2:
Wow.
Speaker1:
Tune in next week when we're talking about the art and science of why anal sex is so fucking fun but scary.
Speaker2:
Anyways.
Speaker1:
People think that guys are just big dumb animals when it comes to this stuff. I'm sorry. Bop the bishop. Bop the bishop. Choke the chicken. Spank the monkey. Skin the gopher. Yeah. But it's more complex than that. There's a science to this sort of thing. Just saying. Okay, since I don't like lube, I'm going to be honest. Okay, so here's the question. We're going totally off topic. Who cares? Here's the thing. When it comes to chicks getting wet, I'm weird, okay? I will fully admit it. My thing is this, is that honestly, if a chick gets super, super wet, which means I've done a good job, if it gets too wet, I, I'll lose it. I, I'll have to like, you lose it in terms of, I lose my heart on it. It's like, I, it's, it's, and, and when we first started this shit, I, I didn't know
Speaker2:
what to do.
Speaker1:
I mean, it's like, cause then you're trying to fake it. Then you're just in there, you know, then you're like going floppy thing, trying to fucking hold. Maybe she won't know it's not hard anymore. But I've since learned, because it would happen with you. And I since learned, again, honesty is the best policy. And I will pull out and I'll be like, because I've said to you, it's too wet.
Speaker2:
So we have to feel it. Yeah, we have to take like, because I have to say to you, it's too wet. You can't feel it.
Speaker1:
Yeah, we have to take a minute and kind of fucking blow dry you out. No, just dry it off and take a minute. So I don't have a, I guess I'm not opposed to squirting, but I'm not like a guy that like, I'm not just like on the mission for, I need somebody that squirts. You're not a squirt. I actually, to be honest with you, okay. Wow. There we go. I can't imagine having to, like, set up, like, a slip and slide in your room before you have sex all the time. We've talked about this. I mean, seriously. I mean, I don't, you know, I mean, it's like. No, you're like, can you imagine all the preparation we've talked i mean i mean seriously i mean i don't i don't you know i mean it's like no you're like can you imagine all the preparation you just supposed to just hop in bed and just go at it but everybody's having to lay down towels and blankets well and the thing is it it's it's not it's not a bad thing it's just but like i can't okay i can't i don't it's a new definition when we were younger of who's gonna sleep in the wet spot because really we didn't have oh yeah yeah i think back now to that it's like a fucking wet spot what wet spot should i slobber a bigger spot spot than a wet spot that we have compared to like most people are like really i you know i don't i i what's the coolest part about swinging now seriously is that i'm like honest about this kind of shit like i'm willing to say, you know what? I got to pull out. I'm not feeling anything. You know, just like I'm honest to go, look, here's the deal. I hate condoms. I'm just going to fucking say it. I fucking unequivocally fucking hate condoms. Here's the deal. I am 49 years old. And the reality is, if you have me open a condom, I can open a mini candy mini candy bar no problem i could open a pack of cigarettes while driving at 80 miles an hour no problem but you give me a fucking condom and i become instantly fucking my fingers are the size of fucking sausages and i'm just like oh and i can't open one to save my fucking life and by the time i finally get to open one, I hope you like a guy that sweats on you because I am dripping sweat like a stuck fucking pig because I've been wrestling with this fucking condom trying to get this fucking thing open. Then I don't know if I'm putting it on right. Now my dick's not hard. Now I'm trying to shove my condom. No, I'm trying to shove my dick, my flaccid or half-flaccid dick in a condom. Now I'm freaked out because my dick's not working oh boy and this is when the fun sex starts e so i've since learned here's the deal so everybody knows if you want me to fuck with a condom on i will always adhere to anybody's rules when it comes to that absolutely you got to put it on you you got to put it on i mean now i can probably if it's already open it's seriously the opening is the hardest part for me Thank you. you got to put it on. You got to put it on. I mean, now I can probably, if it's already open, it's seriously the opening is the hardest part for me. It's like, think of it this way. You know when you're really, really hungry? Like you're late for lunch and you're fucking starving. You kind of got the shakes. You're just like, I need to eat something. And you want to open the bag of chips and you're like, fuck, son of a, and you can't open the bag of chips. And finally, when you do, chips fly everywhere. That's me with a condom wrapper when I'm trying to fuck. So maybe if one was already open, but the better thing would be is, be that awesome chick that you are, and go, hey, hold on. Slap that fucker on and shove me in, and away we'll go. It's kind of like then it just hits the go button. And I'm just like. We know it's all in the head. Yeah. Well, not that head. It leaves one head because it goes all up in here. No, but we've had this discussion multiple times about condoms and putting them on. And gosh, what, like a month ago we were hooking up and he the guy handed me a con him i'm like okay i i have come to the realization and i even told you this that here here's the reality i don't come very often even with you unless i finish up my hand i don't come very often his hand gets to my hand's the winner uh so um the but and as i've gotten older like that is just I'll see you next time. winter uh so um the but and as i've gotten older like that is just i i mean i can go sometimes a long time but i any more the reality is it is like in a group group setting that's in that right now i'm still appointed that mine fucks me. It has been so long since we've been in a group play setting that I've had success that now I avoid that like the plague. So here's the thing.
Speaker2:
If you ever want to start hooking me
Speaker1:
and we're in a group thing and I totally get all fucking quiet, shy and fucking real like weep. It's not I don't want
Speaker2:
I don't know. Here's the thing, if you ever want to start hooking me and we're in a group thing, and I, like, totally get all, like, fucking quiet, shy, and fucking real, like, weep, it's not
Speaker1:
I don't want to fuck, I don't have the confidence in myself to be able to fucking perform. And so, I went to the, and it's really, it's a shitty realization, because I don't really know how to get out of my own head, honestly. I'm probably going to go see a shrink about it or something, I don't know. But, and what sucks is, when I was younger, I could drink my way out of it because i didn't get whiskey dick you do now but the problem is i can't drink my way out of it now so the the reality of it is is that like that like um that's why i you'll notice ladies that i hit on and flirt with you'll notice i'm always talking about trying talking about if you play alone because I don't have the same issues when I play alone as I do when a group setting. Cole can be quiet. Fuck off. At some point in time, I was not going to go on and expose all this shit. This is not the shit I was going to talk about. I don't know why I always do this to myself. But at some point in in time i would like to figure out how to overcome that again but i i don't honestly let's put it this way at at crazy summer nights i played right which is really fucking rare for me to play at one of our own events which is kind of one of those things because it's usually a group thing and i'm busy so i'm able to whatever but even then i i was able to maintain it when there are people around but we didn't actually fuck till it was just the two of us i don't know it's that's the one part about getting old that i i know that it's just something that's went into my head and so now it's always fucking you know it's always there so there. So there you go. Why do we never expose shit about you? Why do we always end up, why do we all like, I open up this fucking deep. You can do it, group hug in the shower. What movie is that from, kids? So why do we always end up, why do I always share my deepest fucking.
Speaker3:
Because people are more intrigued by you.
Speaker1:
Yeah, well, this way we're telling everything. So any coolness factor I might have had, right out the fucking window.
Speaker2:
Oh, whatever.
Speaker3:
You have a lot of people that can relate.
Speaker1:
Eventually, they'll make a drug that I can take, other than cocaine, that will help me to get it up, but won't have all the side effects. That's what I'm hoping for.
Speaker2:
I don't know.
Speaker3:
If you want to go into girl issues, we can go into girl issues.
Speaker1:
I don't know. Or what Amanda's experienced. Hey, hello, fucking menopause. you want to go into girl issues we can go into girl issues i don't know what amanda's experience hey hello fucking menopause you want to go there yeah but that's not that's not in your head that's something you have no control over yeah and it blows ghosts you want to go there well no i i don't want to watch you blow ghosts to wet? I don't want you to blow goats Well, I can help with that Don't you Fucking asshole I don't Maybe if you quit blowing goats And that would help Oh my god Spit all over Why do I even have a teleprompter? I don't know I don't even At this point in time I have no why. It goes with doing your own thing. Yeah, no shit. Why am I fucking?
Speaker2:
Yeah.
Speaker1:
There's all kinds of weird shit about getting, no, don't, no. Keep asking questions. Actually, it's not a distraction. You can, you can. Oh, no.
Speaker3:
It's, Cole's on his comedy. Holy shit.
Speaker1:
Well, you know, I'm like stretching out. I'm warming up, trying to fucking, you know. I don't want to pull anything. So, um, uh, stretching out. I'm warming up, trying to fucking, you know. I don't want to pull anything. So I'm not going to get wounded in any things going on or going down or whatever. I don't know. Getting old and this shit is fucked up and bizarre. What's cool is. We've been talking about getting old. Can you tell? What's cool. Okay. So to some people that that we know uh that uh are younger than than us and they're talking about avoiding swinger dick and it's like so the thing is is i what's what's really fucked up is even though i know i am far from the only person with this issue right it is so fucking wormhole embedded in my fucking brain that i don't yeah i don't even know it's it's the same thing i'm walking around naked seriously i won't think about it i'm 49 years old and i have the same nervousness walking around naked in an event as as uh i would have at in a locker room. I mean, seriously. Now you get past it. But have I? No. A girl can. How amazed were you me flashing, lifting up my kilt when I wore the kilt? I was really surprised. Yeah, because if that isn't so far fucking out of my comfort zone.
Speaker3:
Then you were sober.
Speaker1:
Yes, and if that is not so far out of my comfort zone, I have no idea what else is. We have done how many crazy summer nights? This will be our third or fourth crazy summer nights coming up. have you ever seen me yet walk from where we are either our cabin or whatever to the pool or about anywhere have you seen me walk anywhere when there's other people daylight naked at all not in the fucking least do you think you could do you think you do you think anybody not just you because you you're not above trying to have other people bribe me to do shit do you think anybody do you think you could get anybody to actually get me to do that seriously next year yes you want to know why why because those 50 shots are going to kick your ass no no yeah i guarantee there no amount of booze. I just need to get the right girl to walk up to you and take your clothes off and grab you by the hand. No. Yes. No. I promise you. I promise you there's no amount of booze. Mom. There's no. There's no. What are we betting? What are we betting? I don't know. I don't know. There is no girl that you're going to be able to get to do that. Bullshit. Well, you'll be able to get a girl to try to get me to do it. You're uncomfortably shaking my hand. But you won't. Bullshit. No. There's no way. Okay, let's put it this way. They can't just some girl grab me and go, oh, let's go fuck. That may be different. No, I'm not talking about fucking. From one end of the camp to the other, there is no, and girls, there's a couple of your girls that are listening right now, and I love you all, so don't take it personally, but there is no girl that is going to be able to get me to walk just in like shoes, butt naked from one of that camp to the other.
Speaker2:
Bullshit.
Speaker1:
No, not even possible.
Speaker3:
I see it as a challenge.
Speaker1:
Not even, you know what? Not even ones I fanboyed over would be able to get me to do it promise you you really think you really think that that why why do you why do you think that that would that you can get somebody to get me to overcome that fear because that is like a fear i've had since i was like yep a little kid no fucking way how many places were you going around naked as a little kid a little no not a little kid but it's like the whole locker room fucking shit thing no i if if look if i could trade like if i could trade like a finger for like my dick to be to be a show or not a grower, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Seriously. Okay. Seriously. I'm not going to go over there's so many guys that are growers. I didn't say it was logical because you're exactly right. You are exactly right. It's going to happen. But I'm telling you, I would actually probably cut my hair to be a show or not a grower. That's how much I wish that would. Because then I would fucking parade around all over the place. Did you not pee outside as a kid? I did. But look, I'm that guy that fucking, you know, you go to sporting events and it's the trough, the pee trough. Fuck that. That fucking fucks with me. Shelly said the pastries convince you. See, now we're playing it. His goal is to have 50 shots over the weekend. No, that wasn't my goal. That was other people's goal, and I agreed to do it since it's my 50th birthday, that we're going to have 50 shots over a three-day period, four-day period. And they can't be mixed. We've got this down to a science. Otherwise, it will kill me. But, yeah, I'm the one that, you know, I'm like, yeah. And Chelly, you've got to give me a point. Chicks don't look. I know. They don't judge by it. Look, man, I've always wished that i had something i wish i had the the fucking you know like sweatpants what is it what month is it's gray sweat pant month that means nothing in my world oh you know lycra wouldn't matter in the least and you know some guys that hang down on their freaking knee girls go oh no way in fucking hell am i touching that right so you know i again i'm on the opposite end where you're too big that no one will touch you i didn't i didn't say it was logical that no point in time wow that is so that is so you will i got some tricks up my sleeve oh lord but i gotta say i loved all the girls are like i'm volunteering that was very that's very very nice of you i know how to get i don't i don't think i don't think mentally that that's that's a pretty big fucking mind fuck for me that's a pretty fucking we're gonna get you to overcome that oh my lord look you got me to get into the fucking pool i didn't do that yeah i did that girl that you wanted to fuck was in there so you got in the pool and that's yeah and that was fucking horrible it was fucking horrific getting in there but yeah fucking shot down came a mental battle to get in that pool i shot down that ramp like a fucking rocket was up my ass awake i'm gonna walk your to be anybody awake. I'm going to walk your ass from one end to the other naked. If there's nobody out, that's no big deal. Bullshit. That wasn't what the bet. The bet was to have you walk from one end to the other naked. Okay. You didn't say what time of day. Okay, yes. If there's nobody out, it won't faze me. Yes, if it's just me. Because you never know. Somebody could be peeping out their tent. You would never know it. That is totally different than the fact that if I'm running a gauntlet of people all cheering me on, go, little penis, go. But just remember, the turtle wins the race. Yay. Okay. I mean, it's a totally different thing. See, line up the lady volunteers, blowjob every 20 feet, and then you get into the shower. Okay, now wait a minute. You guys need to hear this story to understand how big of a deal this is. So I always make bets on the Nebraska-Iowa game. And when I couldn't make bets on her ass anymore, I made a bet.
Speaker2:
Imagine that.
Speaker1:
I made a bet. And the bet was that the loser had to paint their balls. I still had two then. In the opposing team's colors. I was there. I know. I know you. I'm telling for the fucking people. Listen. Anyways. Of course Nebraska lost fuckers. So I had to paint. And we were at a big party. And they were hounded. They lost me to bet my ass. They were hounded. Oh you don't mind anal sex. So they had. They had. I had. And everybody's like. Hey don't forget. don't forget. I'm like, fuck, just get it over with, right?
Speaker3:
So I was getting my balls painted by three different girls who were painting me up.
Speaker2:
One was, because again, it was the same thing.
Speaker3:
It was, you talk about, I'm sweating bullets. She knew how tweaked you were.
Speaker1:
Yeah, and I mean, the sweat is running.
Speaker3:
That's only a half bed.
Speaker1:
The sweat is running off of me.
Speaker2:
And enough so that they're having a fan blow on me so they can put the paint on my junk yeah and she is sucking my dick going it'll be okay to get me hard and it's still it was so much it still wasn't hard and that was i only went out out of there out in defiance just because i had to and and about had a fucking coronary in the process.
Speaker1:
And everybody was so proud of you for doing it. Yeah, I know. Way to go, little penis.
Speaker2:
Apparently.
Speaker1:
And only took one because they got rid of the other one. But yeah, so it was yes. But I don't know. I don't know what. Here's what's funny. I dare you. Tune into any other show and listen to the fucking Guys spill their guts About this kind of shit Jesus Right You know what What other great What other great Fucking fear Shall we talk about Did you want to get Halftime Oh fuck it No Why Who cares I don't even know Okay I don't like spiders either There you go I'm scared of those too No Okay we will do halftime Don't know Yes't know. Yes, you are. I'd fuck off, bitch. Hey, we will do half time real quick. So don't forget, you know what? It's a holiday season, whatever. And a lot of people, you want to know how you can support and help content producers like ourselves support different things like Full Swap Radio. You can go to FullSwapShop.com and get your Full Swap Radio gear. Get our show gear and whatnot, as well as several other shows. Also, if you are a small business, we believe in sporting small businesses here at CASBA, Inc. Do not miss the opportunity to be a sponsor of one of the award-winning, two-time award-winning Crazy Winter Nights event. So we have all for all budgets, everything. If you'd like to be a sponsor and get incredible press incredible national exposure in the lifestyle contact us shoot us an email at crazy.casba uh at gmail.com or go on to crazywinternights.com you can click on the link to uh get information or on crazycasba.com as as well so check it out there you go so yeah yeah so so you've had a couple guys that say they're freaked out by spiders snakes one even said beetles so well i'll see and and okay june bug beetles just don't hit me i'll watch it but don't hit me look there's the the underlining reality of this is as much as we are a more advanced world a more advanced society and especially in the lifestyle right we're supposed to be more open you know whatever there are still certain things that I don't know if it's the lifestyle or it's just like as a guy because of how i was raised and my age and whatever that you just go it's a guy thing you shouldn't it should be no big deal right like like it the penis thing really should should be no big deal no i can see a hang-up because everybody's different everybody's different sizes shapes right and i got a little bit of a little bit of a pooch so it you know and it's yeah it's self-confidence body image what sucks as you get older is that it magnifies like for me it's magnified because now i remember my dad said this to me one time years and years ago he goes sucks getting older your dick doesn't get as hard it you know well you know what that's true so so when you have all these other things that then when you have in the lifestyle where for us for me where there's times that it doesn't get as hard you have issues it compounds and the really fucking bucked up twisted part is it carries over i mean it like it you know when we first got in lifestyle if you had a bad experience and you started to have a bad experience getting your brain and fucked that night up but then the next night was different you can move on as you get older for whatever reason you're in this longer it tends to fucking get in there and stay and you and you instantly go back to that and and i look at that as just like an old person thing in general right and i hate that and it's like i don't know exactly how to fucking try to take in and flesh that all out that's like a huge a got, okay, like, okay, so Danny puts a good point. I'm totally okay walking on naked. Try to put me into something sexy and I'm over it. And I got to tell you, I think it's fucking awesome. I think it's cool as fuck. I've seen you do it. I've seen Danny do it. I've seen lots of people do it that are super comfortable naked. Like, that is... Whoa. Back the fuck up. Apparently, I misjudged this. When we first went out to crazy summer nights, was I okay getting butt-ass naked? I don't know. You were. You were better at it than I was. I take that. When we first got in the lifestyle you were not as you were not as comfortable getting naked without liquid courage no right and it got to dances people you know you lose a top no big deal i'm okay with that and then you were in the middle piled on a fucking seven girl melee and fucking but but now it's not honestly does it bother you at all no it doesn't even faze you we've been in this almost 11 years i put clothes on to avoid thigh rub right or or like a sunburn or what you know or if the bugs are starting to get out or the bugs mosquito bite okay 11 years in and you have progressed through that and beyond yes i've been in the same length of time you have uh how okay let's put this how many parties initially because we had a friend that did bone parties and whatever how many parties would i not even have my shirt off i don't i you don't see me very often walking around without a shirt on at events because you're insecure i know and but after 11 years wouldn't you think that that would be Mike winning Rome? Yeah, I mean, and I respect that. But everybody has insecurities to some degree. Yes. The cool thing is there are people watching right now. No, I think you think. No. What? That was all fucked up worded. I think you have the same body image about being naked as women do in the terms of we think we have to be the size zero model and you think you have to be fucking ron jeremy no i don't want to be ron jeremy well yeah i'd like my dick to be ron to look like it to walk around i want my dick to look like ron jeremy i don't like the rest of my body looks like ron jeremy that's the that's the whole thing i feel like that that i i didn't buy into the whole dad bod thing i haven't bought into that like i look at that and i'm like you know so why do i why do i wear black you know johnny johnny cash wore black he he uh related to the downtrod and the abuse. I wear black because it's thinning as fuck, and I look better in black. That's why I wear black. That's why I've always wear black. I think I look better in black. So the thing is, is that that's why if it's 100 degrees out, you'll see me in black, right? That's how we do this. So the whole thing is it's like i don't you know for me to peel my shirt off you can then see this is why we have to get you naked at crazy summer nights and have you prance around because you know what no one gives a rat's ass i do i do you that's why we have to get you it's's like getting somebody to jump off a cliff. Once you do it, you might actually enjoy it. Okay, wait a minute. This rocks. People are sharing, which is awesome. I'm going to share when I was over 300 pounds, I didn't give a fuck. I've lost over 140 pounds. I'm so much harder on my personal image. yeah i can understand that i can understand 240 and as healthy as i've ever been i can see that yeah until summer 2020 in ksn i'd never been naked in public yeah and he i gotta tell you there's a bunch of people listening right now and and that we have seen that have fucking went out to ksn and in other i don't think i saw travis naked yeah you did yeah you say that i said i don't think i did i don't know what you're more paying attention he was naked guy i saw him no but i i've seen other people that have like taken and had nervousness and overcoming. And the thing is, is I don't know, you know, maybe a banana hammock will help for the first 40 feet, but it'd be a small one. My nipples always look like I'm cold and so does my dick. It's really weird how that works out. I think that, okay, so I can honestly say that I feel like there's an added that I can get caught up in the image. Well, okay, well, we're going to expel in my gut, so might as well go out there.
Speaker3:
No, you're a freaking Leo to a T. To a T. Look up the definition of a freaking Leo.
Speaker1:
Yes. Tell the people, so people that are listening
Speaker3:
that don't know what that is. They're all about appearance. How they look. Center of attention.
Speaker2:
Dick.
Speaker1:
Try to be the entertainer. So, yeah, so I admit this is like one of the huge, my own huge personal shortcomings is that I am very image focused. I control my image. Like even with my family, like people go, yeah, but it's probably different, you know, different. No, even around like when my mom or my, my sibling, my brother, I'm very, my image, I control my image, everything about my image always have for you long before we did this in lifestyle. So when, for me to overcome that and be out of out out of having that control and no no there's a reason you don't see me without sunglasses on very often there's a reason i mean but it's it's all about the image so to be naked i i feel i feel like people it sucks because i feel like people want me to be this is why I'm telling tell all this shit which is just fucking insane is that so that it's like well hope hopefully someone will go like after I had my nut surgery like okay if I'm willing to talk about hey go get a check maybe somebody else will something good will come out of it it's like a Moses thing I'll lead you through the desert but I'm not going in the promised land i'll lead you to this place where you can get naked and you can find that comfort that whole new experience for yourself and i think we have people that have done that but it doesn't mean that i'm gonna cross over into that that you will why do i just feel like you're just gonna drag me around by my penis places. Do you want to do that anyway? No, actually, it's different. No, I'm just going to get you to step out of the comfort zone and get freaking naked. If you can get it out of my head, my surgery was I had a nut removed. So, yeah, my nut surgery. Sorry, nut surgery. He had a year and a half, well, almost two years ago. It'll be two years in February.
Speaker3:
He had testicular cancer. Uh-huh, and I pulled the net, so I'm a one-nut one-year. It happened within, like, four days. It was, like, pain, and then all of a sudden we're in the emergency room. I had two nuts, then one nut hurt, then I had one nut left, and here I am today. Dun, and I haven't got my squirrel tattoo yet. But the thing is, is that I don't know that it's so important that I get over these things like isn't it more important wait no no no unless you think this too and let's ask the people isn't it more important what's more important that I overcome some little mind fuck that i have or that through me and whatever people other people find the courage and we lead and i can help other people overcome there and i can help more people what's more important shut it we're not going down that route you can try to use it and say a sell job on me that you just want to help other people yes you do want to help other people and that's what you're great at but I am the one that makes you come out of your comfort zone because you have to occasionally just to break out of that shell
Speaker1:
he came out and there he went right back in
Speaker3:
I peek out I don't know. out of that shell he came out and there he went right back in i i peek out i peek out of no that's not coming out of your comfort zone coming out of your comfort zone you have to break through some of the little blockages that you have and the only way you're going to get through it is to go through it so you know what if that means you have to walk from the cabin up to the main house and somebody actually stops you and wants to talk with you you have to stop and talk to them are you feeling uncomfortable as oh fuck because no one's going to treat you any different and then keep walking and go give me my clothes fucking mind no okay wait what are people any you that. Right. Yeah. Well, what if people are saying something? Somebody challenged me to something here. Wait a minute. I challenge you to go with us on a non-event weekend during the week to go there and be comfortable. Oh, my God. You guys have all lost your mind. Do you know why I'm willing to talk about this now? I'm willing to talk about this now on this show because it is, what month is it?
Speaker1:
It's November. So I'm hoping by August all will be forgotten.
Speaker2:
Nope.
Speaker3:
Something Samantha does not forget.
Speaker1:
Gary says he used to be self-conscious. Once I got naked in front of other people and saw they didn't give a shit, then neither did I. Uh, I saw Michelle put something in there too. I missed that one. Sorry. I, the first time we went to a news camp about the same way, but the more you go, the more you realize nobody cares honestly i i can see that and beth we're here to help you uh i can i can see i can it's a birthday suit and considering black tie enough for you uh okay so i can see how uh what can i see i don't even remember how what i can see now i don't even know i can see the light I can see how, what can I see? I don't even remember what I can see now. I don't even know. I can see the light. I can see the value of an understanding that nobody else cares. But I just. No, you can't actually wrap your head around it because you think everybody is so. Well, I feel bad because it makes me sound like I think I'm that important. I don't think I'm that important. No, no. You're just terrified. Yeah, yeah. But see, I'm not supposed to be. That's not the... Bullshit. Everybody is. Did we not... Were you not just sitting there when I talked about controlling my image? Yes. My image does not fucking... It does not matter. Don't just leave that and let it go. it does not matter you know i mean it just i wish i wasn't i wish it didn't like i don't know i'll get over it fine fine i'm gonna be walking around naked all the way twice so no this is all you guys's fault when you guys are sick of seeing my junk slapping around everybody's face because you guys all get me to do this okay if you dropped weight would you feel better about it i don't think there's enough weight that I could see any of my junk slapping around everybody's face because you guys are all getting me to do this. Okay. If you dropped weight, would you feel better about it? I don't think there's enough weight that I could drop. Really? Yeah. I don't think. Okay, so let's give a little bit of a background. When we met, it was a one-night stand, right? Uh-huh. Yep. My hotel. No. My dorm room. Uh-huh, yeah. And I lived in light in like it was almost loft like it was like a more of a bunk bed and then when you got out of i jumped out of the bunk bed because i had some shit to do then when you got out of the bunk bed butt naked you were just had your back to me you're slowly getting out we fucked come on i think i've seen it now and you slowly got out of the bunk bed and you're just kind of timid yeah it's been that way since day fucking one and 29 fucking years later yeah as swingers still here as swingers still yeah once it gets up it's a great little buddy to have i'm not gonna lie i mean at that point in time you know i mean i'm not gonna fucking i'm not gonna lie about that but you know it's just uh uh fearlessly or lead us yeah um danny i'll share a picture with you later of he does have is it a dog i think it's a dog It's a dog thong And it's got little ears And the dick goes The snout anyway So yeah You know It's just really bizarre Because For someone like me Who's generally like very rarely do things phase me very much but that one that one phases me anymore yeah there you go so now you know you take a lot of bits now now you know now you guys know two fucking things but here's this you want to know the one thing that'll get me to do it i'm going to be completely honest prosthetic penis yeahetic penis. Yeah, I think people will notice when I'm walking around with a two-by-four and go, yeah, it's my dick. I swear to God, touch it. It feels that wood.
Speaker3:
I'll give you a strap on it.
Speaker1:
You want to honestly know the one reason why I will do that to myself. Because, look, I'll end up doing it. You know it.
Speaker2:
I know it.
Speaker1:
I will end up fucking... I know just to be a stubborn little shit. No i will do it i will solely do it because you know and i know as many people are coming to crazy summer nights right that there's gonna be somebody else there there's gonna be somebody they're new in the lifestyle they're whatever and they're gonna be terrified they're going to be terrified. And you you know you know me and you know that i'm going to see that and i'm going to be like no matter i may go fucking if it will help one other person do it i will do it now the difference is when they go get there i will go off somewhere and puke my fucking guts out And want to die But if it helps one person Fucking do it And that's it
Speaker3:
Oh lord
Speaker1:
Oh god Who?
Speaker3:
She'll be there Rhonda What?
Speaker1:
Why?
Speaker3:
I will convince Rhonda since it's her camp To make you get naked And walk from one end to the other
Speaker1:
Thank you. I want... We're going to... I will fucking... Look, we're going to have it like this. We're going to end up walking hand in hand through the camp. I swear to God. Everybody strip naked. We're walking from this way over here. Yeah. I mean, that's. And then we're all butt naked. No one gives a shit. Yeah. And I'll still go hide as soon as I get done. I won't. It'll be. At least I'm willing to. At least I'm willing to admit it. I'm being willing to admit that I have like my focus. I don't know what I'm going to name this episode now so people want to listen to it. That's totally not what we're going to say. Well, the thing is, if I don't name it something good, then people don't listen. So I got to name it something like Crazy Wild Monkey Sex or some weird-ass thing so people will actually listen to it. And they'll be like, what the hell? That's not about it. And then they'll realize it. Masturbation stand-up comedy. Duh. Holy shit. You had everybody laughing so hard at the beginning. I was sweating. Yeah, guess what? I wasn't sweating. I was crying. Wait a minute, let's see. So November, December, January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August. Oh, goody. I've got 10 months to fucking have myself in a complete lather and frothy-ass panicky mess about walking on naked. I am so fucking smart. I am a naked idiot.
Speaker3:
Make it fun. Linked arms, naked skipping. Danny, help me remember that.
Speaker1:
Oh, God. We might be able to set a record. Now, wait a minute. That could be kind of cool. We might be able to set some sort of Guinness Book of Record of the largest group of naked skipping people. If you and Danny lead the group, I'll'll do it but you guys have to do something little danny yeah danny but you guys have to you have to if you guys have to lead the way and something about like the yellow brick road i was gonna say i'm not gonna
Speaker3:
see the wizard. Just saying.
Speaker1:
The lollipop guild, exactly.
Speaker2:
Just saying. All right. Holy shit. Wow. Hey, guess what? Thank God this show's over.
Speaker3:
Holy fucking shit.
Speaker2:
All right, well. Didn't you like it, the episode about Cole? Yeah, man.
Speaker1:
They don't talk about me. This will be the, yeah, well, that's going to fucking change.
Speaker3:
No one gives a shit. Oh, bullshit. They would much rather see you and hear't talk about me. This will be, this will be, yeah, well, that's going to fucking change. No one gives a shit.
Speaker1:
Oh, bullshit. They would much rather see you and hear about you than me. If you were sitting there naked, no one would even know I was here. Well, after this episode, I'm just kind of pathetic, so it works out. Won't we make a happy couple? Be one of our sponsors today. We heard more than ever. Yeah, that's right. Mike said. We heard more than ever. Yeah, that's right. Mike said they heard you more than ever tonight.
Speaker2:
Really?
Speaker1:
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker3:
Oh, I didn't think so.
Speaker1:
Because you were counseling me.
Speaker3:
That's because you always usually just run your mouth amok.
Speaker1:
And with that being said, another shout out to our sponsors. I'm not talking to you anymore.
Speaker3:
Another shout out. Am I wrong? Do the sponsors. Can you hear me? Do the sponsors. Do the sponsors. No, do the sponsors. Shut up. You do it. No, I'm not doing them. No, you do them. Do it. You do them. You do them. Promescent. No. P-R-O-M-S-C-E-N-T.
Speaker1:
You spelled it wrong.
Speaker2:
Promescent.
Speaker1:
P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T.com. Check them out today. Seriously, for all your sexual wellness needs, definitely you want to check them out. Again, VitaFlex, I'm on it. You name it, they've got it. KK15, 15% discount on all of their products. 60-day money-back guarantee. Check them out.
Speaker2:
Try them.
Speaker1:
If you don't like it, send them back. No harm, no worries. Also, don't forget, read. You can do it while you're taking a shit. You can do it at home.
Speaker2:
You can do it whenever.
Speaker1:
Read whatever. So read ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. If you want to know about the movers and the shakers and the people that aren't afraid to walk naked, ASNLifestyleMagazine.com is the thing for you. And finally, I do like when they rub my meat. So, smoke and meat, bbqtreats.com. For when your hand doesn't. For when my hand is cramped up, I have somebody else. I'm not going to use lube. Maybe we'll see about how my. Oh, that would burn the fuck out. Yeah, but would it taste better for you? Why, your penis tastes like hickory does. Check them out today, SmokingMeatsBBQTreats.com If you want to have the best meat rub in America, you know where you go, the Midwest, the heart of the beef country, check them out today, SmokingMeatsBBQTreats.com And remember, you can follow us on Twitter, at TruthCrazy. You can also catch our show on FullSwRadio.com. There is an app for that. There's going to be an Apple app because I'm getting a new Apple phone. There's going to be an Apple app for that as well, the Radio Network. Check it out. We're on every Monday at 5 and again at 11. And Crazy or Casual Rancher on Tuesday, over 40 top shows. Buy all of our merch and other people's at FullSwapshop.com. There is going to be some Black Friday specials coming out. And, yeah, I don't remember what else. We're on other things, Twitter and Instagram and whatever. You can send us emails at crazykrazy.kazbakksbh at gmail.com. And don't forget, January 14th and 15th, get your fucking tickets for Crazy Winter Nights. It is selling. We are almost to the 350 mark, Crazy Winter Nights. So you want to check it out, crazywinternights.com. Get your tickets. Once you get your tickets, then we turn around and we'll send you a link to get your hotel room. Hotel is filling. We're already getting ready to move to an overflow hotel. So make sure you get your tickets today Check them out With that being said kids Do it the only way I know how The only way I want to And the only way I ever will Whether I'm closed or naked Casbah Style out
