Krazy Truth #119 Holy Fuck are we going to Hell?

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth. I'm your host with the most, and we're in gray, I'm Cole, and I'm here with the lovely, lovely and kind of loopy uh to another edition of crazy truth i'm your host with the most uh i and we're in gray i'm cole and i'm here with the lovely lovely and kind of loopy uh but definitely a fire starter miss amanda i'm not loopy i'm not loopy you were burning noodles before we got on the air the shit we've seen it is what it is we've seen fire i've seen fire and i've seen stars i think that's james taylor i don't know i just it was rain but that's okay you know what no because then a big copyright but damn it i don't do that i'm an original oh whatever anywho hi we're the weird out of the fucking podcast it's what we do now that then no we were that i mean we'd just be doing parodies of shit that didn't happen to us and telling us experiences did you really say that hey you Hey, you know why I did? You know why? Actually, it's really funny. I have got some folks that before they'll let me post on some things. They want to hear our show first, so I want to put my best foot forward, which is a big... By the way, here's what I think of that. Suck my dick! Anyway, so we're back and ready to go. Hey, just in case those of you who are wondering following along at home got out your map captain kangaroo said one of those i followed as a kid get out your map right now handy dandy notepad kids this would be season three still i know it's the never ending season uh season three episode 119 119 that's b 119 mark your cards, kids. I thought you were going to say cooter. No. Set a point. Mark it on your cards, but I can tell you this. Whoever is willing to get a tattoo that says Crazy Casbah Season 3, and each time we do a new episode, cross out the old number and put another one. I'll probably give you something. Anywho, so, yeah. Why the hell would you do that? Shut up. Let's not plant logic. If we can find someone who might be drinking right now that might be kind of lonely, depressed, like, you know what? That sounds like a great idea. Did you even notice that someone brought all their tattoo stuff over? Did they? You know what that means? Cole's going to get some ink. Cole's going to get some ink. When you least expect it. I'm going to gonna be sitting down there putting a mustache on myself i'm gonna tattoo your dick oh well that's nice to know that you're working on such those micro those micro tats whatever shut up it can be big it can be small it can be somewhere in between if i get my own brain it'll start to get big and then it'll shrink back so you got to tap fast you got to catch it oh there it is oh there it goes oh maybe it'll make you hard as a rock oh yeah i'm sure that's exactly what will happen oh look you don't know a needle on my head well let's see when i pierce my ears did i come nope i sweated a lot but i didn't. You're right. It's not. It's not. And yeah. You can't even go there. You don't know what it would feel like. You might thoroughly enjoy it. You were given the opportunity at one point in time when I was train wreck drunk, I said to you specifically, you could tattoo my dick now. Let's do it. And you did not follow through. you were given the opportunity to grab my cock and just Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I was being nice to you because you were freaking drunk. Well, just know if you're ever drunk and you go, You should fucking tattoo and make my clit and like letter I and dot it. I'm dotting the motherfucker. I'll be like, da-da-da. Thank God you don't know how to run it. Well, I know this much. When the needle bogs down in the arm, that's bad. So just saying, just throwing it out there. Wow, we got some. Okay, so for those of you that. Oh, wait, I need... Shit. Fuck, fuck. Real quick, everybody. Oh, Cole forgot his intro. Real quick, everybody. I want to give a huge shout out to our sponsors. Hopefully, they listen past the first two minutes for their intros. www.altplayground.net. Guess what? They're growing again, kids. That's right. Swinger Safari is now part of the alt playground.net uh family what that means to you is many more non-monogamous horny motherfuckers looking to get some and in new places just like you are looking for pussy and all the wrong place anyways uh so sign up today be part part of the revolution. You want to the best, take the best. The fastest growing lifestyle group around www.altplayground.net Sign up today. Find us. We're on there as well. Imagine that. We have a community. We're all about the community. I'm like the Mr. Rogers of porn. Welcome to my neighborhood. Flip your titties, not my shoes. Anyways, also if you want to be a good swinger. I don't know if I'd say Mr. Rogers, but that's okay. It's not Fred Rogers. It's that other guy. No, I wasn't talking about cuddling fringes. I was talking about your fucking behavior. Ed Rogers. Where's your freaking sweater? He's the porn guy. I want the green sweater, damn it. Make one for me. Also, remember, good swingers are smart swingers and highly read swingers. So read today. Join up our good friends at ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. Subscribe today. Three million horny motherfuckers can't be wrong. We three million in one. Get educated. Get laid. That's the way this works. I'm pretty sure. They didn't actually tell me to say that. I just added that part in because i'm hoping that works that way i read a lot anywho cole you might say that on cole's bucket list would be to fuck a girl in a library you could have done that at the university how many flipping no i couldn't have because i was drunk okay now i had a water gun fight in the university library me and a bunch of everybody said and it was funny because the security guards were chasing us around they never caught us until we were running on our way out in the stacks and stuff in the stacks on the way out though we were hosing them as we were running out we never went there to study so we weren't concerned about being banned weird uh so i was thinking of doing really important shit like that i wasn't mature enough to realize what an opportunity to fuck a hot librarian no no i wanted to run around and fucking have water wars in there because i'm a fucking tool anyways now in my older and wiser years i go i want to fuck somebody in the library preferably a young college librarian would be awesome if so here's the deal if you're studying studying to be a librarian and you've got some books somewhere that we can fuck on, we can be in your house and we'll call it a library, whatever. We'll just fuck on books and then we'll go from there. I have no age. If you're fucking in college, you're old enough. You're good for me.
Speaker2: Anywho. Wow.
Speaker1: So, yes, I thanked our sponsors. Why we still have them that's great and stuff words and things yeah so there you go well i've done my part for the evening so with that being said uh i'm pretty sure it's time for me to uh happy trails and we'll come back i'm gonna do that to you when i'm just gonna get up and walk out because okay for these the what the fuck am i doing for those of you listening only damn it quit it uh you should be part of our secret secret facebook group crazy casbah shh don't tell the others uh but let us know let us know and we'll add you and you could be watching this live instead of just listening. What are you doing? It was a little nap. Are you like watching tracers all of a sudden? No, it was a nap. We've been down this path. I've been banned from three other places because of this conversation before. I didn't do that, so knock it off. I like mushrooms in my spaghetti. Anyways. Yeah. Snarf't i i am innocent what the fuck do i do seriously now nothing oh i had a fucking chest actually after today i pretty much i i am accepting applications for receptionists look for those of you that don't know or think i only do like this, this is like you have a regular job job. I have a job job. Anyways. Hey, my job job's pretty good. Okay, because you get to fuck at your job job does not mean make it actually a good job. It just makes it good for you. Makes it worth going. Yeah, it's an added perk. Okay, anyways, yeah, she gets a paycheck too.'s nice So she has a real job job But besides this, we also have another show that I do I mean, you fall asleep while I'm recording it As you did the last time we taped Which is really helpful I was falling asleep, yep, yep So we have another show Plus, CASBA is more than just the Facebook page And, you know, I mean, we've got, you know, there's marketing and advertising and shipping and receiving and merchandise and all kinds of stuff. And so I kind of, I'm like a three-ring circus kind of guy. And you're up to four, five, six chat rooms? Yeah, six chat rooms. Or no. How is that? Seven Facebook pages and three or four chat rooms.
Speaker3: Three or four nothing, uh-uh.
Speaker1: Oh, we have two more than that? Okay, yeah. Well, we have about 60,000 people that count on me for some sort of guidance.
Speaker3: Six chat rooms.
Speaker1: And then on top of it, I'm an officiant. So I wed people. I wed people. And today I did for the first time in 10 years, in 10 fucking years, uh, I double
Speaker2: booked.
Speaker1: I, and, and I, I fucking am just all kinds of fucked up about it too.
Speaker3: He had a consultation.
Speaker4: Oh Jesus.
Speaker3: A video.
Speaker2: Yeah.
Speaker3: At noon.
Speaker1: And he's talking, I go in there when he's done and I said, so when's the wedding to put it in my calendar and he goes October 10th and I'm like you have one I'm like no I don't I argue with him he's like I do not that's September and I said find your paperwork which my office currently has looked similar as if like a drunk frat kid has come home from a giant spaghetti dinner and an all-night bender and has just puked noodles everywhere. It is a disaster. Now, if it were in the same city, could it be doable? Yes, except one is like 40 minutes to the west and the other one is 50 minutes to the east. And I'm trying to figure out, and they're within an hour and a half of each other, and I'm trying to figure out how I can pull this magic trick off. And I can't, and I feel horrible. I feel fucking, I mean, it's just, God, what a, 10 years I've never done that. And that's just like, I take a lot of pride in the fact of always making sure, look, when you get shit from us, it doesn't matter if it's fucking a wedding ceremony or if it's a speaking engagement some other type of speaking engagement that i do because i do those as well or our merchandise or our show it's the best if it's not the best i'm not happy so then to to have a couple that it's all fucking excited they're like oh my god you're exactly what we're looking for an officiant blah and i'm over here just sticking my dick in my own mouth like an idiot did it feel good yeah i was using teeth chompy because i'm a fucking tool bag so yeah so there you go so uh you know uh yep nothing like being fucking that we almost didn't record because of it that's how fucking i'm kind of in a down mood i'm i'm fucking so twisted about it and this happened like that was noon this is like eight o'clock i've been twisted for a while i'm so twisted i didn't even write down what time we started the fucking show of a giant clock did i write it down nope i have some timers 11 minutes ago so that would be what 7 32 7 30 7 32 yeah so yeah so that kind of gives you an idea, so we, I almost didn't, I almost had to put off recording the show tonight, because I'm just so fucking, yeah, say something, I'm drinking now, you're drinking, let's see, how stressed is he eating fat ice cream, candy corn, yeah, no shit, no shit, I'm fucking over here i'm doing the i am on the fat kid roll oh look food nom i'm gonna eat my issues away hey i'm an emotional eater yeah fucking jesus good i've been eating like crazy all weekend but that's how it goes yeah oh and on top of it So I will put this little teaser out here It's a tickler If that was your clip that would have felt really good There is We have a huge like a fucking seal killer Cock announcement coming out Not this week Not going to tell you
Speaker3: Within the next week we can have Don't do that cheesy laugh That was horrible I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know.
Speaker2: I don't know. not this week not gonna tell you within the next week
Speaker1: we can have
Speaker3: don't do that cheesy laugh that was horrible
Speaker1: fuck thank god the critics are here thanks Roger Ebert thumbs down on that I know you
Speaker2: thank you
Speaker1: that's why I appreciate you keeping me
Speaker2: so I don't sound
Speaker1: like a fucking tool god anyways so but there's back to the little tickler can I do that part again
Speaker3: yes
Speaker1: okay don't do it for the camera Thank you. Anyways, so, but there's a, back to the little tickler. Can I do that part again? Yes. Okay. The little tickler, a huge announcement coming out. It's game-changing shit because, look, no matter what, go big or go home. I may forget shit, but fucking A, when I come out of my fucking stupor, it's really cool. Anyways, it's going to be like, seriously, firing shots over the bow. Fire in the hole! We don't fuck around, and it's going to be cool. It's going to be awesome, and I'm super excited about it, and I haven't slept much in the last week, and I won't sleep for about another two weeks until we get all ready until we're christening that motherfucker, And I'll be like a big ship. I'm not going to waste a bottle of wine slapping it on anything except down on my gullet. And so we're going to...
Speaker3: Alrighty then.
Speaker1: I'm going to be, yeah. But it's going to be awesome. So if you want to know more, send me a dirty picture. No, I'm just kidding. Send money. I'm kidding. Now we're going to have somebody get pissed off. I was all funny until he said something about sending money, the fucking dick. You're not going to have a picture on you. The fuck? No, I'm kidding. Now we're going to have somebody get pissed off. I was all funny until he said something about sending money, the fucking dick.
Speaker3: You're not going to have to go on it.
Speaker1: The fuck? No, I'm not. Look, man, I'm here to do one thing. I'm here to, well, a couple of things. I'm here to titillate, tantalize, entertain, and piss you off. If you don't either leave happy, horny, or angry, I didn't do a good job on this fucking show. I kind of like that. I need a shirt that says that. Follow the big fuck you.
Speaker2: Okay. Door.
Speaker1: Hey, Sunshine. What up?
Speaker3: Oh, literally. Usually you just say that.
Speaker1: No, she's super cool. I'm so glad you listened to the show tonight.
Speaker3: Okay, so I have two stories from last week. Okay, here we go. No, they're work stories. Exactly. You laughed your ass off. You laughed your ass off on one of them. Okay. Do you know where I'm going with this? Maybe. Yeah, maybe. So, work buddy. And we tease each other during the day imagine that so there was one earlier in the week i'm like well i have to go to the break room clean my dishes that's good for pussy no i'm just kidding go ahead this was serious and you know did he need anything from the break room he goes oh i think i do that's code for pussy but that's okay no it's not that's meditation oh gotcha get it straight sorry so the lights were off we're over there we're kissing and stuff and then we stepped apart for like two feet apart and all of a sudden some guy comes walking in, flips on the light and turns around and looks at us and I'm like oh we must have looked guilty because he just kind of raised his eyebrows got something out of the vending machine and left. It's like fuck and I said well technically we weren't doing anything we were talking and he's just like but he knows okay who cares he's in the car business there's nothing really that shocking so then fast forward what was it thursday yep it was thursday no it was wednesday oh yes it was wednesday wednesday i decided i didn't use that's the code word for but we didn't make it in there yes it is the code word for for having sex We'll be right back. day i decided i need to say that's the code word for but we didn't make it in there yes it is the code word for for having sex well we met in the conference room lights are all off we're sitting there chatting and making out we hadn't moved to our special room yeah and it's a good thing because all of a sudden he must have like magnificent ears because he's just like stopped and he kind of like hid behind a wall and i'm like what's going on all of a sudden the lights flip on i'm like ah fuck so then we're looking at this guy because we're like there's no way to escape so then all of a sudden this guy comes walking through and he just looks at us he goes i'm not gonna say anything he was walking to the room where we have sex if if he had come in two minutes later yeah there'd been no escaping no that you might have been having a threesome at work just to keep things quiet. Well, so when we left, I said, hey, who was it? And he goes, that was the security alarm guy. And I'm like, oh, nice. I said, the thing is, we weren't doing anything. We were standing apart because he already startled us. And so I'm telling Cole on the phone, I'm like, oh, my gosh, this is what happened.
Speaker1: And I said, but the thing is, is when he came in, we looked guilty as fuck. And what did I tell you? What was part of the thing he needed to quit doing? Quit standing in rooms. No, quit standing in rooms with the lights off, you fucking tools. If you're in there with the lights on and somebody walks by, they're not even going to notice. But when all of a sudden it goes from dark to light, it's kind of well there's something that's not normal most normal people don't do that
Speaker3: I don't walk in a room and turn the lights on necessarily
Speaker1: well obviously
Speaker3: then you know when somebody's coming in
Speaker1: why don't you just put cans tie cans on a string so they'll trip over walking in it'll be like an old school like warning that mom and dad are home
Speaker3: so then we're cracking jokes for us today can you imagine if we were in that room yeah I was thinking that too
Speaker1: Thank you. deal with the rest of the weekend i can't believe i got fired i can't believe yeah i know i'm surprised yep sure shock whatever because i don't think they would my first thought was holy shit casbah inc i also need to be able to ramp up production because we need to be able to hire two people i need to be able to put you full-time on staff and your boyfriend full-time on staff and i don't know how i was going to do that i'm like i mean i got enough shit for him to do but i don't know keeping your personal assistant busy i mean i have a feeling you're going to keep your personal assistant busy and that's going to leave them busy that's no problem right but if i'm paying him for that that's prostitution see there's a difference there he has to occasionally do some things like work related other than the other other than like he's not a trick well you know what i probably want to get paid you know well yeah here's the thing you know what because he he's he bicycles and now you you have a bike too watch out iowa rag bar here they come but he could be your personal trainer i guess there you go i'm just trying to figure out how i have him on the books, where I can put him on the books, where I don't have to do a description of, like, you know, sex slave. I mean, I'm just, I don't. I'd pay for that to be prostitution. Right, and I'm definitely not giving benefits for that. Oh, here's your 401k. Are you fucking kidding me? You're looking at me like, what? Nonetheless, I'm like, this is not our week. So needless to say, now we're working on an alarm system. So if you have ideas for good alarm systems or ways that, maybe you should just do something more open. Because if it's open enough, people wouldn want to think about it do like we used to do when i used sell cars we used to go take naps in vans and watch movies in vans go out on a lot get a key get a van get a lot turn it on sit out there fucking watch dvds whatever you get out there and fuck no one even knows you're out there half the sales people don't go on a lot like they're supposed to well what's going on with that van? It's just bouncing all over the place. Wonka. Just saying. We used to take naps in the back of pickups and shit. I mean, I've never tried to fuck during the day, but. Did you get any work done when you worked? I sold it. Do you want to compare numbers with your fucking boy toy and me on selling cars? No. Yeah, that's what I thought. Look, I could sell cars and fuck at the same time. I guarantee I could fuck somebody. I could be getting a blowjob at a glory wall and still sell cars.
Speaker2: Pause.
Speaker3: When we work together at that same place, I'm like, get you into the service department,
Speaker5: the service bay.
Speaker3: I turn around to kiss you and you go, not here.
Speaker1: No, no. You were trying to get me in the fucking closet when I worked in F&I. I'm trying to get forms and shit.
Speaker3: Yes, I tried to get in the closet. Would you go?
Speaker2: No.
Speaker1: The closet was fucking smaller than our studio and it was off the main car over there.
Speaker3: What do you think where we go?
Speaker1: You go to the nursing room off of some dark, I don't know. They don't know the only people that go there is like occasionally somebody for candy and the security guy i don't fucking know what do you want from me look do you want to know where all the cameras are in that building i can tell you where every camera is not in the nursing room so you think so you hope they're not gonna they're not gonna video somebody just doesn't know which one what camera to look at i on the other hand do i could go up there and go hey you want to watch a show bleep does that ass look familiar shit they never look in there they never watch they don't actually believe you're doing anything dirty anyways yeah i, I'm innocent. Fuck. Yeah, uh-huh. Exactly. I am, too. Yeah, I know. I know you are. Okay, when did we do it? Is it halftime or anything? Jesus fucking Christ. Do we even answer questions? What is the format of our show anymore? I don't even remember. It's doing whatever the fuck we want because we can't. Well, it's more fun when I'm drunk that, doing it that way. I shouldn't be drunk right now.
Speaker3: No, because then you'd be sticking straws everywhere.
Speaker1: No, I would not be sticking straws everywhere.
Speaker3: Oh, my phone's up there. I can't show everybody.
Speaker1: Yeah, no.
Speaker2: I don't.
Speaker1: Whatever she says, it's a fucking lie.
Speaker2: I don't actually.
Speaker1: I actually will make a shirt with me sticking straws up my fucking nose and shit. Well, I'm not. We don't have to make one. We got about a thousand pictures of that shit. I was going to say. give me fucking rum here's the deal you know what send a shooter send your favorite shooters to us we'll do them on the air one night that's what we don't we we need to pick a day when you don't work on a monday and we need to just get fucking stupid we'll we'll get somebody we'll just bring all the liquor in done a show like that once? No, we came home from the Christmas party. I was train wrecked, though. We're going to do a two-hour podcast, and we'll just start making drinks and just fucking where it goes and where we get sued. We'll have a lawyer on staff. It'll be fun. Who cares? Okay. Is it halftime? Seriously? I can't do math. You're 23 minutes, 24 minutes. Might as well. Go for it. Is that halftime seriously i can't do 23 minutes 24 minutes might as well go for it halftime is that man close enough jesus christ yes it's close i'm gonna drink with pressure in me do you want to show people how much you just don't give a fuck what they think Well, then you need to go to www.crazykazba.com today.
Speaker2: Get your shirt. Do you want to show people how much you just don't give a fuck what they think? Well, then you need to go to www.crazykazba.com today. Get your shirts, your mugs, your drinking glasses.
Speaker1: What are these things called?
Speaker2: Tumblers.
Speaker1: Tumblers.
Speaker2: Glasses, window stickers, and more. Whether you want to say Crazy Kazba, Crazy Ladies, or just a big fuck you finger.
Speaker1: Either way, they're all there for you to buy today. CrazyCasbah.com. Don't delay. And we're back. Why do you look at me like that when I do that? Can I not watch you? Watch me work. Watch me just slobber all over the fucking microphone. I make sweet love to it. Why do you have to make such gross noises? I mean that's one of my favorite noises for those who are the first time here remember what that noise is that's a chick that's really tore up in the swimming pool afterwards manta ray or and what what's another thing we need to all remember this is important what's the most romantic sound that any person any person can ever make oh god i'm afraid you chose my dick over the air there you go just keep all right let's go on with a show show so actually someone will listen to us and keep going shall we you want to look man here's the reality I gag, I laugh. My dick isn't big enough to gag that many people. But if you... Look man Here's the reality I gag I laugh My dick isn't big enough To gag that many people But if you Just Ladies Just putting it out there If you ever have the opportunity Or the desire to To give me a blowjob For some reason A Send me an email please But if you fake it I really appreciate that
Speaker3: Okay
Speaker1: I don't feel like super small I'm just being a smartass Okay Anyways
Speaker2: Thank you. Please. But if you fake it, I really appreciate that. Okay. I don't feel a super small day. I'm just being a smartass. Okay.
Speaker3: Anyways.
Speaker1: So, yeah.
Speaker2: We're ready to go? I got nothing. Yes.
Speaker3: Ask your question. We should do something.
Speaker2: Yeah. Okay.
Speaker1: So, this is the question. I've had this question for a while. And, you know, I've been putting it off, to be honest with you. Isn't that horrible?
Speaker2: What the fuck are you doing over there? Holy shit. Good Lord. I've been putting this question off for a while because I'm trying to figure out how I want to, like, approach, broach this subject. Oh, boy. That's not that bad. But it's just, it's like, look, this, you could be, all right, well, here's the thing, so Mitchell, uh, and his wife, that's how we've got a sign, Mitchell and his wife, so obviously Mitchell's wife said, Mitchell, you, you put your name on it, uh, Mitchell's wife sent us this question, it's been, we've had, I've had it for a little while now, a couple weeks now. Anyways, they're new in the lifestyle, and their question is, we've always been a family, very family-orientated and somewhat religious.
Speaker1: Are we going to hell because we're swinging?
Speaker2: Oh, you're going to do the religious thing.
Speaker3: Well, that's why I've been putting on... Here's the thing.
Speaker1: The reason I'm going to do this tonight is because I want to touch on this for a second okay i really okay look here's the deal when i remember i'm an officiant okay so i do some of this stuff right we do weddings all the time there's nothing hotter than going and performing a wedding and then going to a swinger thing afterwards we've done that more that's fucking hot we do all the time. There's nothing more hot than the fact that my bucket list has been made. We've done, I performed weddings for couples that we fucked up with. That's a little form of entertainment for me. Just saying. So the thing is, is that I think this is a question that more and more people deal with. And part of the reason I waited to do this and I got to think this is a good time is because i was reading a bunch of other stuff because i do read a lot i'm kind of i'm a reader i'm i'm online reading stuff and books and magazines and shit all the time and i was a poli-sci major right so i like read like i don't know if it's deep but it's something it's entertaining mind them whatever who fucking cares anyways so but i just saw a survey that came out that this time of year which is not uncommon as you're coming to election all that crap is that when people how many people identify as religious right and there's a huge a huge percentage of people denote themselves as spiritual or religious in some variety whether it be whether there's all different types of religions and faiths whatever but whether it be spiritual or religious some sort of a higher power being whatever right okay we are not going to talk about the ins and outs of all these different things because that's boring as fuck okay and nobody cared just for that let's start one on day On day one, the Lord, no. No, but no, we're not going to do that. But it's something that actually plays into a lot of people's thought process when it comes to swinging and the lifestyle. Okay, there are people, and I'm actually friends with a couple, that there is a huge group on one of the other pages that is not one of our sponsors. So I'm not going to say your fucking name. Anyways, that is a Christian swing group. Really? Yeah. And not like the musical, like, you know, we do performances, but like, you know, type shit. Right. So there is, because a lot of people have that question is you know what happens what what you know i don't know a very many religions i'm not a you know like a professor of theology but i don't know of a lot of religions that encourage you know sexual decadence type thing okay i mean they're going hey you know what part of what we should do is go fuck so many people can but i think my own unique spin on the whole thing is kind of what i'm going to talk about a little bit okay what do you want to add i don't even want to talk about this subject you fucking kidding me so okay so i can give a little i whatever okay so if i feel like interjecting i'll interject how's that there you go like a turkey baster so uh so so i reached out to mitch and wife okay and i and i asked him how what kind of of experiences they've had. Because what I wanted to see more than anything else was, like, how deep have we delved into this? And I wanted to. About six inches. About two fingers in her fucking mouth. I just wanted to figure out. Oh, my gosh. Well, part of it was I wanted to see. I was fishing. I was fishing to see what I would come up with.
Speaker2: And I got nothing on my initial response. I mean, their initial response back was, we've had a couple of experiences. I'm like, fuck.
Speaker1: So, finally, I just had to blatantly ask. I'm like, so, you know, tell me your background. Because what I wanted to know was, how did we get into the swinging swinging lifestyle this is not usually something that most people are sitting there going they went to church or their service whatever on sunday morning they went to like you know brunch at their favorite restaurant whatever and they're sitting there and they've ordered their eggs and their whatever their brunch meal is maybe it's like the old village happy face meal or whatever and they just go you know so the music was really good today yep sure it was that was an inspirational message yeah it was yep yep i agree should we fuck other people that's usually not how this conversation goes so what i wanted to try to figure out was this like one of those things where it's like so somebody got caught banging somebody else and they're like hey you know what i always always thought we should be swingers type thing or how did it come up? So the reality of it is this Mitch and wife, kids are older. Okay. Okay. Just, you know, they had done the whole family thing all the way through. Now the kids are older. They're ready to fucking delve into, know be more about them their time type thing getting a little crazy kind of i get the hint of i i sniff a little bit of of uh of uh not midlife crisis but just rediscovering themselves they're they're close to our age uh so they're just young and spry uh like we are they're you know early 50s so so so so it's just one of those things where i get it so it's it's one of those things they put that all off for a lot of years i think just doing a lot of shit the crazier shit they had the family thing going and we can can relate to that because i mean there was a lot of years that yes i was at the bar for new year's eve because i worked at a bar as a second job you know not because we actually i mean it wasn't until it's been the last 15 years that we finally went out on a new year's eve and got fucking stupid drunk i mean so you know we did the dick clank rockin eve and all those all those things that that went through so i get it and their concern now is all of a sudden it's like you know oh fuck are all those values and ethical values and all of a sudden they're starting to they're just starting to question this feels good this is fun oh fuck you know We're not supposed to like it. We're not supposed to like it. And here's my thing. Here's my take on it a little bit. Look, every book, every religion, insert religion here, right, was written by people. It was interpreted by people people now i am understand before the hate mail starts fucking blasting on me because it will blast on me on this one uh look i get that it was an interpretation of your christian the god of you know all of whatever it i get it it was interpreted by guys and dudes okay and just dudes not dudes and dudettes just guys and these rules were all put in place to help control the masses carl mark said give them religion it answers the unanswerable questions okay now i'm not saying i'm a communist don't everybody fucking freak the fuck out but the reality of it is is that if you if you study history at all you know that as all these religions were forming and whatever they were there were other religions in place that they were trying to take over right that's part of the whole fucking don't use protection with some religions because the more fucking the more of it becomes a numbers game if you have 10 people that like grocery store a and 20 people that like grocery store b which grocery store is going to be around more grocery store b it's just it's a math thing so it's the same thing with religion all those things apply right so if you put all that kind of shit in the big pot and start stirring up and you start looking at it you go and wait a minute this doesn't seem there's something something seems off here just a scotch right you go now why is it that something that there's only two like two animals in the entire world that do this for fun dolphins Dolphins and us are the only two that it feels good to fuck. Well, how'd that fucking happen? We just got lucky. They rolled the dice and, well, you know what? Sex feels good, but if you're a cat, it's like a fucking nail-ridden club that you're fucking fucked with. Okay, why is that? You start putting those little simple things together, you go, okay, wait a wait a minute now so that's the first part of this right so you you start logically putting this together and then if you start taking and going oh wait a minute the ultimate way to control is to control the physical being of people saying you can't do this you can't do that you can't do this you can't do that and all of a sudden you go okay wait a minute guilt is a powerful way to control people's emotions and actions so if it feels good and you do it and you like it and you feel bad about it it's a great way to control you without actually having to grab you
Speaker2: going
Speaker1: slapping your hand slapping your hand and actually fucking and actually fucking
Speaker3: did you have to
Speaker1: legitimately slap my hand? your reaction was priceless okay guilt you do it to yourself Thank you.
Speaker3: Thank you.
Speaker1: Bye-bye.
Speaker3: Bye-bye.
Speaker1: Bye-bye.
Speaker3: Bye-bye.
Speaker1: Bye.
Speaker2: Bye-bye. hand actually fucking and actually fucking stop it legitimately slap my hand it was your reaction was priceless okay it guilt you do it to yourself right so the thing is is this is this is where you should then go okay well wait a minute okay is this how against this is this i mean how how really bad is swinging are Are you following me along? You've got this. I am.
Speaker1: What do you want to say? No, I just have thoughts running through my head. I know it doesn't happen very often. Well, no, but no, it does, but say it. What are your thoughts? But you have to finish what you're saying. Your point. So the point with all of this is that, look, if you want to compare cheating truth The point with all of this is that, look, if you want to compare cheating, true having an affair versus swinging, is there any doubt, any vague doubt which is right and which was wrong? We go, no, cheating is wrong. Duh. Absolutely, we know that's's wrong but the the realities were taught and religion does a wonderful job of teaching us that anything we want to lump everything into as as cheating to mentally control and that's not that's not true that's not the fucking case at all when we fucking fucking hook up with a couple we make a choice we make a choice right to do this the other couple they make a choice to do this it's a consensual thing how that's not something to be dubbed as wrong no you're not going to hell for swinging because it's a consensual thing it's not sex is nothing more than a fucking verb that's i maintain this all the lives. Look, are you going to go to hell for playing basketball? No. Basketball, it's a sport. Playing basketball, it's a verb. It's an action. You're playing basketball. Okay? Fucking is just... You're not making sweet love to the basket. You're just shooting hoops with the buddies. Okay? When you're fucking somebody else, sport fucking is not making sweet love. You're're just fucking it's just a verb this show just totally went to shit hasn't it no no i i'm just not on the big on the whole religion talk but i'm not either you know to me because i'm kind of out there Well, some people would be like there's no such thing as spirits and shit and tell me that to the little girl I saw earlier today Right So, it's your own experience. I'm part of a page that believes to have a psychic experience. You should abstain from sex. What? Yeah. There's a group of people that totally believe if you have sex, you cannot be in a psychic realm or have any psychic abilities to enhance. And I'm like going, I got fucking enough. I don't. And I'm like going, who the hell came up with that shit it was somebody else's experience so it was their story so you create your own right if you don't feel it's wrong it's not wrong right i mean correct yes i agree 100 that's my opinion it's your show so it can be so that makes it correct it's your show no it's our show but that but no you're exactly correct that that was probably that was a way better analogy than the basketball one it really was that was an awesome one because i'm a chick i don't deal with sports well i mean the the reality but that's just it it is based and it's based on other people's experiences and didn't i put a meme on today that said something about that? I don't know. I don't read anything about it. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Don't look at me like that. It said religion was other people's experience and spirituality is your own experience. But the reality of it, and that's just it, the reality of it is it does become a personal choice. I mean, here's the thing. Some people are going to say, well, that didn't actually answer Mitch's question. Are to go to hell who knows i don't know what's going to get you it completely did yeah look if if the people that i've had sex with in the lifestyle with that was the fucking coup de grace that got me going to hell well kudos i don't know how that man is that explain that to all the guys i had premarital sex with well that's just i just, I mean, look, if you go back in some religions and you read it long enough, if you got divorced, you're going to hell. Yeah. I mean, but we all know that's not healthy for the human psyche to stay with people that you don't want to be with. I mean, it's just one of those things. And swinging is no different. Look, it's a microcosm of life. Is going to Disney World wrong? Is that much pleasure wrong? Maybe. I mean, you know, it could be because it's over the top. It's excess, right? But seriously, how many people are not going to go to Disney World because they're afraid they're going to go to hell? Nobody. I mean, I'm not. I'm going to say that, but it's because I can't afford to go to Disney World. There's a total difference. Because Goofy scares the hell out of me. But it's just one of those things. We sit there and we want to put these restrictions on ourselves. Why? Why do we want to put restrictions on ourselves? Why do we want to find? Look, we live in a society where people are constantly searching for ways to feel miserable about themselves. That's really ultimately the problem.
Speaker2: That's the problem.
Speaker1: People want, we have been so ingrained with the fact that we should feel bad about things we like. We should feel bad about kinks we like. Now, granted, okay, let's be honest because there's a big thing right now. There are some things that are not a kink.
Speaker2: Pedophiles are not kink. That's not a kink, okay? We understand that. But we're talking about things. Look, if you enjoy being tied up, you enjoy the feel of the ropes on your wrist or whatever the case, or you enjoy these different things, you enjoy deprivation play. Why is that wrong? We live in a society that wants to find fault with everything we do so that we can all make sure we're as continuously miserable as possible. But also think how outdated some of the, if you're going off of the commandments. Very much so. How outdated are those? would those be a different set of commandments if they were written today well yeah exactly well translated translate well let's put it this way why are church services on sunday here's a history lesson for your kid for your kids it's a holy day why i don't know because the old religion that when Christianity was trying to get a foothold, the main religious ceremony was on the day of the sun. So to convince uneducated commoners to switch religions, they made Sunday as the religious day. Okay. That was it. Look, if you read the Bible, even in the Bible, when God talks about creating the earth in seven days, he didn't label the days. It just works to our narrative that he started on, you know, Monday. And we don't know, maybe God wanted to work the weekends. I mean, maybe that he dug work on weekends and he started on Friday. He doesn't say, she doesn't say, it doesn't say anywhere in the Bible, but it fits the narrative that we needed, that they needed it to fit at the time for Sunday. So that, again, it's not bashing religion. Look, I am all for, and I think everybody, you know, I'm someone that I consider myself a spiritual person. Rock on. You've got to have your own system of right and wrong,
Speaker1: your own moral compass. There are some people that I can honestly say,
Speaker2: complete, honest, 100%, is swinging immoral. For some people, yes, it is. Because for them, it is.
Speaker3: Or what they're trying to get out of it is.
Speaker1: Okay?
Speaker2: And basically what we're saying about that is is it is not the right experience for you and that in turn generally if it's not right for you you're going to take and spread that to other people okay and it's just it's it's not for everybody some people this is great some people this is look if if the life if kinky kinky what if the swinger lifestyle the alternative lifestyle creates strife in your life in your marriage makes you unhappy blah all those things then don't do it right and i'm not saying that we can only do things that make us happy you know i mean obviously if it causes additional stress and pressure it's's not worth it. Yeah, it's not worth it. But that should be more for you as a person.
Speaker3: And as a couple.
Speaker2: Now, with that being said, here's a great side note.
Speaker1: Because of the reality of all of this, there's a lot of people that judge. This is why it's so important to not out other people. one of the reasons it's not it's not okay to out other people there are some people that we will that will ostracize someone whether it's because of their own fear their own whatever they'll ostracize somebody or you know this is a personal choice just like your religious preference Generally, it's your personal choice. this is a personal choice. Just like your religious preference generally is your personal choice, this is your personal choice. It isn't one that necessarily needs to be shared and shattered from the rooftop. Not everybody is going to do what we do. One of the first things that I told my mom and dad when they found out over the holiday season, happy holiday, kids, about us, about our show, was to do not google our show first thing i told my mom do not google my show don't don't do it don't fucking do it and do not go on like some motherly pride thing and tell your friends about our show and she was confused i had to explain to her that look there are some people that if if they knew what we did they will in turn judge her based upon it so you got to remember because of people's values and and their what their moral compass is no matter how much we agree or don't agree with it they're going to judge so it's important to keep it separate i i have to say one thing that's always killed me because yes i came out of the car business which is just a fucking or used to be the old school car business so none more than fucking den of thieves okay as a general rule i mean it is what it is like you know when i first got in the car business you know to see people fucking having bottles of booze in their in their uh desk stores was common uh i've watched people do line of coke off the tables i've watched you know bookies come in to collect thousands upon thousands of dollars i've been made fun of because you knew about bonus money i couldn't believe i told my spouse about bonus money uh and i galore, galore. Yet even in that environment, if you brought up the word swinger,
Speaker2: oh, sweet mother of God, all of a sudden there was Bibles thumping everywhere.
Speaker1: Thump. It sounded like Karate Kid when they bring out those little things.
Speaker3: The one finance supervisor, when he said something to you,
Speaker1: what did you turn around and sniff something back at him? Pops fits butter, my gosh. Oh god, I gotta think now. Because it was like don't you judge. Yeah, don't you fucking judge me, because he was having an affair. Don't you fucking judge me for what I do consensually, for what you do on slide when you lie to your wife. Yeah. I don't remember anymore. I just close them. Yeah. Because there were the fucking- Tell that to the bookie. Tell that to the bookie. Yeah. That was another one I said to one of them was, tell that to the bookie when the bookie shows up with the two guys that are ready to break arms because you owe too much money. Yeah. And it's really funny. For some reason in this country, swinging generates like this fucking crazy, horrible response. And I think it's because for some reason, this is not like off course the world is anymore, really. We have gotten to the point that we can justify, forgive, forget, move on, whatever, when we know somebody has had an affair, right? And it's entered into voice. We can forgive that person. We can forgive everybody involved and move on and go, well, you know, they were just in an unhappy situation. And that's perfectly acceptable. And yet, oh my God, you got the dirty swingers over here that are fucking people. They go out, they fuck other people and they're there and they know it. I'm like, look, my grandfather was from a small town in Iowa and used to talk about the swingers that lived in this town over. My grandparents were not swingers, okay, in any way, shape, or form, but knew that reputation, knew about those swinger people. Yeah, but we've also been outside of a bar when some vanilla people were going, gosh, there's swingers in here. Do you know they have sex with somebody different every night? Yeah, and we're like- And we go, we do? We're like, really? Well, who? Where are those parties at? But yeah, I mean, but that just, again, it just shows there's this huge mis-fucking concept of what it is. And that's why you have people that, when people are outed, we hear about this all the time. The first thing that people get told, you're going to go to hell. You know what? Check the script, man. There's all kinds of stuff I'm going to go to hell for. I mean, if we're following word for word i've been fucked since i was like eight okay seriously i committed yes okay yes because officially one of the commandments that not adultery is if you think dirty thoughts that's adultery well you know what i've been adultering since i was like six years old and it felt good and i didn't even know what i was adul been adulterating since I was like six years old, and it felt good. And I didn't even know what I was adulterating about, but fucking all I knew was that if I touch my dick really fast, magical things happened, and it felt really, really good, and I never stopped. So, I mean, you know, I really think the fucking consenting other female that I fucked, you know, a couple weekends ago isn't going to really be the one that puts me over the edge. You were doing good till her. Sorry. Gosh, I guess I've been going since I was 11. Fucking dirty slut. You dirty adulterer? I mean, it's just... God, I don't know. I just... Again, I'm not bashing. And I do think there is very much way to have happy medium there and have you can have both now we've run into people from our church i'm not gonna fuck somebody from my church because because you know that just fucking you know awkward the first one i wasn't interested in it was just a good excuse well i mean here's I just wasn't interested. I don't, look, I'm going to be honest with you. I can change hats pretty quick in most situations. And I can go from like, hey, we're in a business meeting to let's have sex. Or, hey, we're, you know, at a bar just casually drinking. Let's have sex. I can switch most things to let's have sex pretty quick, pretty easily. I can switch that hat. You can't do that from a church service. Hey, you know, amen. Let's have sex i can switch most things to let's have sex pretty quick pretty easily i can switch that from a church hey you know amen let's have sex that one throws me off a little bit yeah dear lord thank you for this bounty that we're about to receive oh my gosh please please lord let my penis now i have prayed i'm not gonna lie actually i'm gonna be completely honest here again this will give me all kinds of fucking hate man i don't even care uh i have been in swinger situations and i have prayed not even gonna lie please work yeah somebody's listening right now that that has has been that in my mind i was praying going dear god please let my dick get hard. Not again. Please, Lord. Let my dick get hard. Please. Please, God. I won't stroke it for a week. Please. Anything. Yeah. I have actually. Oh, my God. Yeah. Uh-huh. I've actually, before the situation went, dear Lord, I know this is probably wrong wrong But if there's any way we can hook up with him Please let it be that we can hook up with him Oh yeah And I've said prayers the next morning Which is, you know Dear Lord Oh God Please don't let this be who I think it is Please don't let this be who I think it is Maybe I was drunk let this be who I think it is. I think maybe I was drunk and checked my dick and batshit crazy somewhere along the line. Oh, I'm like, what the hell are you talking about? I can't even follow that one. Yeah. Dear Lord, please let me have used a condom last night for all things good and holy. Please, God. Yeah. I prayed that I used a different name. Yeah, we've had some of those things. It happens. Nice. I don't. You don't have a penis. So, of course, it'd be weird if you're like, dear Lord, please let... Well, you could pray for them to get it up. You can actually just go to healing of hands. Let's lay hands on it and see if that works. I'm a healer, yeah. Yeah. Kiss it and make it better. I'm not to that much of that. Usually it's when I've had some rum in me that that seems like the appropriate time to do that. Well, there was one guy that I was like, you know, I knew I was running out of chances at bat before I was going to get fucking shut down if shit didn't work. Yeah, but now look back, you know, how much of that was testicle issues. Right, at the time at the time it didn't seem like at the time i was like a war vet praying making promises to god that i wasn't there i'll become a minister if you'll just i mean you'll just let me get it up this one last time god please let me get it up no i never did that i never i never dear lord please forgive me you might want to back away the lightning is going come right through that window uh no i never did that. I never. Dear Lord, please forgive me. You might want to back away. The lightning is going to come right through that window. No, I never did that. I just, you know, yeah. Way to go there, pumpkin. Well, I mean, you got to have somewhat of a sense of humor with this stuff. Yeah, you do. Look, if you read the Bible, Jesus had a sense of humor. So there's something funny about the fact when you do a wedding ceremony, you talk about when they want the real traditional vows to forsake all others. Yeah, I don't put that in the regular vows. Generally, when I do vows, I don't put that in there. Except unless they request it. And when they request that, especially if we have a swinger event afterwards, I always have a little, I have to not giggle. Because it's like, part of me wants to go forsake all others but don't worry when you're older there's a chance there's a couple couples that I'm like you know I know you got this party and stuff going on but if you want to leave you know come with us we can show you a really kick ass party but I think that'd probably be wrong to take people from their actual wedding to
Speaker3: yeah not the actual wedding
Speaker1: that's the moment Thank you. but I think that'd probably be wrong to take people from their actual wedding to yeah not the actual wedding that's the moment but they never understand you've heard me say this to a couple of them before well I'm sure we'll see you in five years you've heard me say that that's me hopefully planting the seed see that's that birthing dear lord numbing I'm kidding I'm kidding. I don't do that. Jeez, I'm not that much of a pig. You can jump in right there. There's another just staring at me. Fuck it, eh? No. Yeah, right now. I'm waiting for it to just, like, what the hell? I will say this. I am offering, and this does, too. Obviously, we're not doing Crazy Winter Nights this year because of the whole COVID crap. But 2022, don't you even think about taking this away from me. 2022, if you, too, would like a free, if you'd like a free couples ticket into Crazy Winter Nights, if you let me perform your wedding ceremony at Crazy Winter Nights, you will get a free couples ticket into crazy winter nights if you let me perform your wedding ceremony at crazy winter nights you will get a free wedding ceremony and free tickets in so there you go so if you're going to get married in 2022 and you want to get married in january uh let me know you got to keep the guest list small and they got to pay so think before you yeah think think before you invite mom and dad to that one. Just saying.
Speaker2: Yeah, no.
Speaker1: What if they know a bunch of people?
Speaker3: That'd be scary.
Speaker2: Maybe.
Speaker1: Unless they're hot. They'd be about our age. Keep that in mind.
Speaker2: Remember?
Speaker1: That works out very much.
Speaker2: That is very true. Okay. All right.
Speaker1: Hey, guess what? I think it's almost time to go. Halla fucking Luya. Amen. what i think it's almost time to go hallelujah all right so hey let's give a big shout out again to our sponsors this show's brought to you by god uh this show's brought to you, www.altplayground.net.
Speaker2: You know what?
Speaker1: Be a part of the fastest growing, one of the largest growing lifestyle pages around.
Speaker2: altplayground.net. Go on there. Find us, our community. Join the community. They're growing again.
Speaker1: Again, they just picked up another. The Swinger Safari is now part of altplayground.net. Why aren't you? Also remember, smart swingers, intelligent swingers. Get the most out of your swinging experience. Sign up today and subscribe today at asnlifestylemagazine.com. Remember, 3 million horny motherfuckers can't be wrong. Be 3 million one. They want you. And finally, don't forget to go get all your merch, your Crazy Kazba merch at www.crazykazbakasbh.com. Get signed up today. You thought I was going to fuck that up? I almost did. I did, too. I'm like, wait for it. Remember, send us an email at crazykazby.kazbakasbh at gmail.com. See how I do that weird inflection? Thank you very much. Don't you get your hand away from that motherfucking thing. Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel at www.youtube.com backslash Kazba. Remember, Amanda's on Pornhub.com. Pornhub.com backslash models backslash Kazba. Follow us on Twitter at Truth Crazy. Follow us on Instagram. Still don't know what the fuck that is. and don't forget to sign up and learn more and see more of Miss Amanda at her friend's own Follow us on Instagram Still don't know what the fuck that is And don't forget to sign up And learn more and see more of Miss Amanda At her friends only It's not friends only What is it? I know it is Onlyfans.com Which is Miss Amanda Kazba Yeah sign up for that Fuck And I did the sponsors, right? Yeah, I did the sponsors Did I hit all the shit that we talked about?
Speaker3: I think so
Speaker1: Listen to my Casbah's rants too, they're really funny and short Anyways, so until then Doing it the only way I know how The only way I want to, the only way I ever fucking will Until next week, kids Casbah Style Out