Krazy Truth #10.5 Performance Anxiety

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Be sure to like and follow Crazy Truth on Swingtowns. Swingtowns has been around for 20 years, so they're're an established well-known site with lots of users so you'll be able to easily find people you're interested in and unlike other big sites on swing towns you don't have to worry about being bombarded with messages from people you're not interested in because only people you're interested in can message you and the best part is is, you can message those people for free on Swingtowns. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome to another edition of The Crazy Truth. I am your host with the most, Cole, and I'm here with the lovely Miss Amanda. Hey. And we are back. Hey, tonight we've got a real special show episode for you. We're doing a little bit different. You know, we normally answer all your questions about sex, drugs, rock and roll, whatever you want to talk about. But tonight, we're doing something a little bit different. Tonight, instead of answering a question or answering questions, we have decided we're going to do a show on something that is very much a major talking point and a major issue of concern in the lifestyle, both with new couples and with experienced couples doesn't really matter. And that is the ever dreaded performance anxiety. So we're going to do things a little bit different. Number one, obviously, because our thing is we want to show all angles and performance anxiety in our world. It's not something that just affects males. And we're going to talk about how it affects both males how it talks affects females how you recognize a sign things to do and hopefully give you some things to help ease that concern and worry or ways to deal with it if it happens to you sound like fun so tonight's episode we're going to talk about penises that don't work okay so to start off with let's put let's throw it right out there in the very beginning and no matter if you're in your 20s your 30s 40s 50s 60s 70s 80s if you're still swinging your 80s rock on it doesn't really matter how old you are the reality is that performance anxiety can happen to anybody at any point in time. I can honestly say that I had never had an issue until we got into the lifestyle. And we see this and we hear this all the time about people talking about what to do, what, you know, this has never happened to me before. Is this normal? Is is this you know why does this happen and all the way across the board so because this is something we've dealt with ourselves and after being in eight years it it was only going to be a matter of time before we dealt with it but we dealt with this pretty early on when we were in the lifestyle right i mean very very much early on so uh i think it's first to tim i want to give you how what happened to me because obviously again it happens to everybody okay so and and i'm going to skip out on the very first time that we hooked up i mean obviously performance anxiety the very first time you hook up uh in the lifestyle here's the reality of it is you can know you can never mentally get yourself ready for what that first experience is going to be like so a lot of a lot of guys go through that nervousness the very first time i want to focus on more performance anxiety after you've been in the lifestyle because your expectation is it's always worked before why all of a sudden this is not working. And what tends to happen is once it happens once, then it happens again and again, and it starts to snowball in that effect, and it starts to become such a thing that I truly believe there's a lot of couples, a lot of males and a lot of females that have gotten out of the lifestyle because of performance anxiety okay so i'm going to tell you about what with me uh the the very first time other than the first time we we were actually hooked up but the very first time that it happened after um after we've been in the lifestyle probably i bet we'd been in the lifestyle year and a half, two years, right around there is when it probably, when it happened to us. And it is happened to us because it absolutely does affect both of you as a couple. We were meeting up with, we ended up meeting up with a couple. It was kind of the spur of the moment type thing that had happened and we'd been out at a bar and they invited us back to the hotel room and uh everybody was excited everybody got along great at the bar we'd had a we'd had a blast at the bar uh yeah everybody had some cocktails but nobody was nobody was super drunk or anything along those lines uh nothing like that nothing i mean it was just it was four adults that had a really good time going back to a hotel room when we got back to the hotel room and the backstory of this is we had met this couple a couple of times at other events and the gal was a very very is a very very attractive woman very attractive woman and very personal very outgoing a lot like my personality and i had said from the very first time we met them and i quote given the opportunity no matter what i want to hook up with them if we can ever hook up with them i want to hook up with them and then and it surprised us when they invited us back to their to to their hotel room and i was like jojo the circus monkey i'm all excited that's finally going to happen you were excited because you you thought the guy was hot you were into the guy as well and you were into the girl obviously so this was going to be a win-win all the way around we get to the hotel room and it was nice because you know you don't have to have a lot of small talk we've been having small talk at the bar so it was pretty much we're we're ready to you know let's get ready to rumble we're ready to go and the activity starts happening and i can remember it very vividly you and her start to play And so we're all kind of getting undressed. And the reality of it is it was hot. I should have been like, I should have been able to hammer nails. I should have been so hard. And it would not work. It was as flaccid as my penis has ever been. And so as we start to get in, of course, as it's getting closer to the time for the guys to start getting involved, I am starting to sweat profusely because I'm like, oh shit, my dick's not working. What the hell is going on? And typical guy, what do you do as a guy when your dick doesn't start to work? Then you start grabbing it and you're trying to, you know, you're trying to pull it like it's silly putty. You're trying to, you're just trying to get anything to get it to go. You're trying to get it to go and you don't want everybody to notice. And yet it's pretty obvious when she turns around and suck your dick and you're sitting there holding the flaccid penis in your hand and she starts sucking her dick and it's still not getting hard. Thank you. Yet it's pretty obvious when she turns around and suck your dick and you're sitting there holding the flaccid penis in your hand and she starts sucking her dick and it's still not getting hard and the panic sets in and I am sweating and I am damn near hyperventilating and everybody, it obviously changes the mood with the four of us instantly. Everybody, everybody feels bad. And everybody, because they were experienced lifestylers as well. And he's like, dude, don't worry about it. It happens. And he even said to you, he even said to you, hey, you know, hey, sometimes this will kind of go soft and hard, soft and hard. So it was kind of happening to him also at the same time. finally got a half-ass erection at best uh and we we were trying and playing for quite a while and it never it never really got up uh the closest to the guy the way that even got a half-ass erection was you were you obviously saw that i was having trouble everybody saw i was having trouble and he started to have trouble and not everybody saw but sure well it felt it you feel like everybody and maybe the people in the parking lot even know you're having trouble and so you jumped in and and did it let's switch and she was all for that because she wanted to help him and so it started to get hard a little bit and he started to get hard a little bit so we switched again and it just did not, it did not last at all. The night ended in terms of everybody left on just, you know, everybody was, it was fine. There was no hard feelings or anything like that. Everybody still had a good time, but it was just, wow. And I walked out of there feeling about two inches tall. I wanted to die and it was horrible because i was embarrassed uh i was i felt like i had ruined the night and i'm like these people are gonna hate me they're gonna tell everybody you know i can't believe this i was frustrated i was angry and i remember on the ride home you're like no that's not the case it had you know he was having trouble too and we were trying to talk through it and even when we got home because we always have re reconnection sex when we get home even when we got home i was still having trouble getting it up a little bit when we got home and you were like just relax just rex we're home we're home it's okay and that's when i was finally able to get it get it up and get it to work and actually have sex for probably the next week that was pretty much the topic of conversation i mean literally i was contemplating whether or not i even wanted to keep doing this i mean i was humiliated i'm like i hope we never run into them again how are we going to handle if we ever go to their city where they're at and they sent us a text the next day saying hey it was great we're gonna have to do this again it was a lot of fun and i mean that almost caused me to go back into what I later determined was a panic attack because it was like oh my god how can i ever face these people again they're gonna think of me every time i walk him go hey there's a little limp neck coal you know there i mean that's what people are gonna think you're just sure everybody's gonna know and it was without a doubt a horrible horrible experience all the way across the board the after max the after effects of it were absolutely a nightmare so and that was somebody again that we'd been swinging for a year and a half two years and someone we felt completely comfortable with you want to hope that it's a one-time incident even though you want it to be a one-time incident you're terrified that it's not going to be that you're terrified that the next time you're with somebody it's going to happen you did everything in your power i mean when we we had a lot of conversations about it and and you did everything in your power to get me to just i guess let it go really okay so let me ask you this when i was going through that because obviously i was so absorbed in my own panic at that moment in time and i never and this question i've never asked you What were you seeing as this mouse watching the Titanic unfold before your eyes? You could sense the panic. You could. At least I could. And I could see, because I know your mannerisms, to know when you're going to panic. And my thought was to get your head out of it. Because once it in your head isn't going to make it any better yeah yeah that yeah that one of the most horrific things in the world is once you think about it whether you think i this can't happen or oh my god this is happening then it's there and and it and it is it is firmly implanted in your brain it's the only thing that on you that is firm at that moment in time is your absolute terror and fear all the way through so the next couple times that we we had hookups i had issues every single time every single time after that i started to have issues because before we would even walk through the door before we would even get to that part of it i would start panicking about it because you would even say to me you are starting to get yourself all worked up you could see the panic in me before i ever even before i ever even got through the door. So we ended up, we got an opportunity to hook up with that couple again. And exact same thing, exact same thing happened.
Speaker2: Only this time it was even worse, but I had tried, I had learned one of the things,
Speaker1: and we'll talk about this a little bit more in detail, but I had learned to excuse myself to get up and leave the room and say, Here we go. I had learned one of the things, and we'll talk about this a little bit more in detail, but I had learned to excuse myself to get up and leave the room and say, hey, I've got to go out and have a cigarette and leave the room. So get away, get fresh air, calm yourself down, try to get a grip. The funny thing with that was when we were in a different city, we'd met in a different city, neither one of us lived in at a hotel and when i went outside i took my phone with me because i went outside i'm like okay had a cigarette quick i'll turn on some porn that always gets me you know really excited and i turned went to turn the porn on and there was no wi-fi connection i've never almost thrown a phone across the parking garage in my entire life it's like no this can't be happening thought i got myself calmed down went back in still half-assed at best half-assed at best you got some i got some we it was finally right towards the very end and it didn't last like i'm notoriously one that lasts a pretty long time and it lasted like less than a minute i mean and it was like fuck my life you've got to be kidding me we ended up getting a third opportunity with them and that was that was probably the best the best but even still again i i was going maybe two or three minutes max and it at that point in I, you know, you just saw they're still a very nice couple, we're still friends with them, at that point in time, I don't blame her anymore in this point in time, she had given me three tries, three strikes are out, you know, because it was frustrating for her as well, and we'll touch on that, how she probably felt with that a little bit later later so the in between those times of hooking up with them the opportunity came to hook up with another couple that we really really wanted to hook up with and it was another gal that was that i found extremely attractive and uh which is probably the worst order we could have done things in hindsight hindsight. Extremely attractive. And again, same thing. I was literally, I flat out said to her, I said to that woman, you're out of my league. I said, you're out of my league. That becomes a key part of this, as we discovered. Same thing, and multiple times in a row with them. Same thing. I could never get it it to work it ended up being there was about three women that I felt like were they were super attractive super friendly but I felt like they were out of my league and when it came to them there was no way in the world I could never I couldn't I couldn't get it to work and how bad my uh performance anxiety became is that we were looking for all we started researching everything we started researching pills we started researching therapies uh the problem was viagra i have every one of the side effects with viagra i would take viagra it would get i could get up i could have sex and as soon as i was done having sex i would literally be on all fours violently throwing up violently vomiting couldn't breathe um we tried cialis cialis didn't work near as fast uh by the time the whole thing would be over and then four hours later i'd finally have a hard on it wouldn't work we tried the powerful cialis with the you know take one for the whole weekend that had me would have me violently ill uh that we had nothing and it looked like it looked pretty fucking bleak it looked really fucking bleak so we actually ended up to the point where literally uh i went and did acupuncture for 18 months i did acupuncture that's how bad my uh performance anxiety had become and that's how much it had dominated when you walk into an acupuncturist and go she goes what are what reasons are you here i'm here because i'm a swinger and i can't get my dick hard the look on her face was pretty priceless not gonna lie she had to do some consulting on some of her books to find out exactly what chakras and whatever we need to work on with that. But that was my story. So we wanted to give you a little basis on what, you know, that it's happened to me. Now, I want to go to you because, Ms. Amanda, you've seen it from the other way. So you've seen how I react when I'm'm gonna have one of those issues okay how have some of the guys when you've been with some of the guys how have they reacted when they're starting to go into performance anxiety or when they're starting to have issues the same way they all start to panic when they start to panic then they just start freaking out even more and the more panic and it's just like just let it go it's okay it's okay don't worry about it there's only one guy i had that he couldn't get it up and it's like me and i'm like wait okay you don't even feel sorry or hey i apologize i't? Nothing. I'm like, you just watch your wife get pounded? And I get nothing? Okay. So, okay, but it was pretty universal, that same, like, hyper, that, oh, the breathing, the sweating. Well, they start really yanking it and panicking, and you see but by the you know and panicking it's it's bad it's it's like every guy's go-to maneuver their go-to maneuver is to take and start pulling their heart their their dick giving harder like if we jack it off faster and harder then eventually it will work and and it's a dead giveaway you see it all the time yeah you see it all the time the thing with this is is is really and and i'm very fortunate okay we're fortunate because our relationship is one that we're very much in tune with each other that this is one of the advantages of playing in the same room it really is and as a legitimate couple and as a legitimate couple okay and and i never used to be on that same note i never used to understand why some couples couldn't didn't want to play in the same room i can see that if you were bothered by watching your spouse have sex that then in turn that could cause performance anxiety as well yeah okay so but we're we're very in tune with each other so i was very fortunate that when things started to go south especially after the first time after the first time that you were very much aware of and watching for the signs that I was starting to have an issue. The problem with that is, did that take away at times, and be honest, did that take away at times from your enjoyment of what was going on in the situation? Because instead of getting to watch and be caught up in the person that you were supposed to be having sex with or in the moment so instead of getting to enjoy that person's company you were having to like keep an eye on on me so you weren't giving that person full attention so did it did it affect what what kind of enjoyment you were getting out of a sexual encounter yeah it takes away from the enjoyment of it but i don't know if they even notice okay because you know i just kind of just glance over and it's like okay how long do i let this go before i stop him and say let's switch right and then it's like okay i've, okay, I've seen him panic enough. Let's switch. Right. Which I want to point out. That's something. It's really funny because in our relationship, people that know us know that I generally tend to be the one that's more, uh, outspoken, more, I don't know. What? Who the hell? Uh, more outspoken, more aggressive, not aggressive, but more will step up assertive and say whatever needs to be done and and generally you're not but you like i was always initially when we were doing this i was afraid to excuse myself for a while i was like i feel bad saying i need to leave and go have a cigarette you're like no just do that but you never had a problem jumping right in there and saying hey let's switch you you always were able to do that you had no you had no fear you had no hesitation to do that because i know how to get your head straight and to get your mind off the panic to to focus on me okay get out of the situation think about me i was gonna i was gonna say okay i i was kind of a role play not to put you on the spot but kind of a role play i tell them do it like you would what you would say to me because i honestly i don't think that a lot of spouses it's not that they like watching their partner go through this but you can't you didn't just grab me and go jesus fucking christ cole just fucking concentrate on fucking her no stick your dick in her and move on that's not what you know because if you yell at me then i'm gonna just second my thumb and in the fetal position and i'm never gonna leave okay so i mean kind of if you would because i'm telling you what guys here's the deal when you can take somebody like me that has been in a full-blown, hyperventilating panic attack to being able to have an awesome several-hour sexual experience. That takes a lot of skill to be able to get in my brain and do that. And Miss Amanda's been able to do that.
Speaker3: All I do is you're on your back because they're trying to get you up.
Speaker1: And I say switch, and we switch. And I get get in your face and I say, look at me. Look at me. It's just me. Yeah. Look at me. Kind of starting to get harder now. Now, focus just on me. Forget about what's going on around you. There's nothing happening. It's just me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You've actually taken and put your hands literally and cupped my eyes. And when I start to, my natural, no, it's fine. And you go, no. Because you get firm. You get firm. You get my attention. You get firm. But I don't say it loud. I make it a big, I don't make a scene of it. No. I don't. No. But you're also, because you're usually on top of me. But you're also doing, you know, you'll be moving slow. And basically touching me the way that you know the things from our own relationship that really works that's where as a as a couple wow it is so awesome to have somebody to be able to do that for you at that moment because literally ladies or guys if you've been lucky enough that it hasn't ever happened to you want to die as a guy at that moment in time. So to have somebody actually step in and be able to help bring you back and get you calmed down and get you relaxed. And the other thing you've always done is you weren't quick to jump back. You weren't like, okay, focus. And now I'm going to go back to fucking him. I mean, you weren't like that. and now i'm gonna go back to fucking him i mean you weren't like that there was one time with one couple that that were really good friends with that she they were both watching yes and you know she was trying yes she was she did a wonderful job but she was she was they were both watching when i was trying to get you focused and then when i did then i started giving you a blow job and then i signaled her over that's right you did because as soon as it was it was i had my eyes closed because as soon as it was hard all of a sudden she was on me and and then and then we were fine and then we were fine and it was it was awesome probably one of the it's not one of the worst things that you do as a guy afterwards or you should do is i apologize anytime it happened i always apologize uh and here's the thing people are understanding i want to put a side note in here with that part of it real quick okay we have heard the story of stories we have friends have went through it there are guys out there that uh when when their shit won't work will get mad at the female partner they're with and i'm just gonna say it blatantly there's only one way to say it that's fucking bullshit okay these guys if you're a guy and you're having trouble getting it up and you're having performance anxiety and you try to blame the woman you're with now look obviously if she's just bit your dick and drawn blood that's one thing okay i get it but that's a totally different issue but if just because you can't get it up you turn on her and make it her fault you have no business being in the fucking lifestyle okay then you're not getting up because you're not old enough and mature enough to handle it and people like that shouldn't be in the lifestyle at all in the least uh for me personally it was always important to apologize to people afterwards and you know what you find it i've yet to have anybody saying it's okay it happens to everybody i've yet to have a guy go your dick doesn't work you know they go oh man you know that happens to me and it does it happens to everybody there's so many different factors that go into it there is and okay so let's talk about some of the factors we've given my story okay uh and this is not about us but it's some of the other things that we have found that that will affect or cause performance anxiety okay so pretty much a pretty obvious one booze booze is a big one look we all know that there's you're going to have cocktails at at a swinger event most likely too much booze uh it is what it is people get whiskey dick that's why they're that's why there's a name whiskey dick out there because too much booze causes stuff just not to work right plus it's it's not it's not as hot if somebody's slobbering ass drunk and and it can be either the guy is too drunk or the girl's too drunk because like for me personally if if if female is too drunk then i'm not interested i don't i don't want to do that if they're if they're too drunk so booze is one what's another one be stress stress absolutely absolutely stress is a big one you can be you know whether it be stress at your job stress at home stress about the situation the situation yeah there's actually a medical reason for it for for the stress or for the for the stress because it narrows the blood vessels and makes it blood flow less absolutely absolutely so i mean to have it happen in it especially in a group setting if you've never had group sex before every guy still has that thing about you know everybody's measuring dicks no everybody's not but you have that stress and you don't want to be you don't want to be that guy and so you're worried about it and you're stressed out about it absolutely uh. Sleep. Sleep deprivation is another one. You've experienced that one. We've dealt with that. I've had two hours of sleep and I work 12 hours today. I'm just fine. Yeah, so that was after a whole weekend of partying hard. We had a lot of fun that weekend. Let's just say night one i had no performance anxiety i had no issue uh night two i was fucking exhausted because that was 48 hours on two hours of sleep the first 12 the first 24 were really worth it okay so that's some of the things obviously some of the other things we've talked about but yeah body image guys you're afraid your penis isn't going to be it's not going to measure up it's not going to be big enough just body image overall it's not going to measure up it's not going to be big enough uh just body image overall it's all things that just cause you to kind of get all jojo the circus monkey i think the other one that's out there is you get so damn excited to have sex with this person somebody you've been wanting to fuck for since day one so you have all day or all week or whatever and you're just like man i'm gonna get there and i'm gonna do this and then we're gonna stand on our heads and i'm gonna flip her upside down it's gonna woo and you get all fucking worked up and then you get there and you're just like and nothing okay and that and that's happened so okay so we've talked about the guy side of it and we talked about some of the things that that can cause it and whatever and obviously i'm sure a lot of you guys have other things that you go well this caused it whatever we discovered with mine one thing was the mental block of certain girls i didn't feel like i felt like they were out of my league which is really funny because those of you that know miss manor watch our videos on YouTube know that I married out of my league and we have sex all the time. I'm going to get some tonight. Okay. So, but we want to talk about the other side of it too, because it's all this one performance anxiety is talked about. It's always talked about from the guys, the poor guys and what the guys go through and whatever. But The reality of it is This is not something that just Affects the guys
Speaker3: No
Speaker1: It has It has guys go through and whatever but the reality of it is this is not something that just affects the guys no it has it has negative effects on the female in fact personally now having lived and experienced in the things we've went through with it and just the years in the lifestyle i actually believe that there's more negative effects for the females than there are for guys. And I'm going to let Ms. Amanda run with most of this, but let me clarify. Yes, okay, a female doesn't have the set performance anxiety issues that we do as a guy. Ms. Amanda says it all the time. We just got to lay there. And there's lube if we can't get wet, okay? But the psychological aspects of it are tremendous and so you run with that a little i want you to tell that because it needs to come from your perspective and kind of go from there i'll jump in as need be and then i fuck this up no i can't fuck it you know once. You're like, it's fine. Don't worry about it. It's not that big a deal. Being with somebody that gets it is definitely like, you know what? It happens. We will separate, regroup later. Okay. So what you said when you said it happens to you once, meaning you're with a guy that they can't get it up. Right. That they have issues okay right all right yeah go ahead from that aspect you have it happen four five seven times in a row with different guys um that's crushing and hurtful uh i've cried on the way home going what's wrong with me am i not attractive you know it's my
Speaker3: body too big you know did they really not like me and they just went along with it because right right you know they really didn't want to to begin with so why'd they pretend yeah yep oh yeah yeah you know but it happens and i get it i guess it was just the luck of the draw it was but and i those right homes are
Speaker1: horrible those right homes are horrible for you because you're crushed you're you're sitting there going you're trying everything that you know to do to try to help the guy get it up and to get it to function and the look of i understood what look of panic i must have on my face when i'm having that attack from the look i saw on your face after a guy can't get it up it's just your eyes go you're just like you can see you're just saying what do i do what do i do and the problem is no matter what i said on the way home it it it didn't matter it's it didn't matter it it did not just like everything you said to me getting there you'll be fine quit worrying about it on the way home as i'm trying to consolidate going you're beautiful no that's not it that's not the case and i and and i remember watching it gradually ramp up because the first one i was like okay probably the first three by the third one you were more like agitated that was just a really bad year yeah we went through a streak by the third one you were more agitated you were agitated uh you were agitated because Because the other couple was not in tune, for one. There's been a several right there's been several where the reality is the spouse that i was with didn't give two shits what was going on whether or not her husband was having issues or not that that in and of itself so by the third one you were agitated by the fourth one yeah every every insecurity every fear very unfounded fear came out i was also irritated and it was a communication thing of you saw it yes how come you didn't switch yes yes and and that was something we had to talk about because to be honest with you i that third time absolutely especially the third the third time was when we really had that that out that conversation because i dropped the ball i didn't i didn't really know how to say switch i didn't i didn't know let's switch i didn't really know what to to do and so i kind of became the deer in the headlights and as your partner i absolutely left you hanging i let you down um and i didn't make that mistake again though we didn't make that mistake again that's what talking about but but that but we had to have that communication we had to have that because i remember you going why the fuck didn't you say let's switch and i'm like i didn't really know how it's rude if i say it if i say it's like okay he's not doing anything so come over here yeah yeah so it doesn't make sense for me to say switch but it would make sense for you to say it yeah and that and that's what i said because that's when we talked about i said well why don't you just say it and that you pointed out what okay he's not getting it up so i want to go back to somebody that's going to get their card so you know i mean that was just kind of one of those things that that you had to take in and you had to go through and and really you had to point it out to me okay once we got on that same page which was which was awesome because number one it was frustrating that his spouse didn't see but they were still did not make it all right for your spouse not to see right when we did switches then down the road it wasn't the same i i they did not the the other spouses did not respond the same way that you did they didn't i don't know why yeah i mean they were just like we had one that flash said will you hurry up and get it up for i mean and you know what yelling at the guy's penis wasn't going to work no uh probably the worst one in that though was the one where guys i'm gonna tell you this and and mr man you can vouch for this coming up with excuses is hurtful it's fucking hurtful when you fumble around with an excuse to a chick why you couldn't get up oh well, well, I took some medication. Oh, I did this. Oh, I did that. That's hurtful. Because you felt like on the way home, he was lying to you. And that almost stopped us from, that almost kiboshed our swinging adventure. Because was that was like six or seven in a row yeah it it really was and even when you okay so you were part of a page at that time that was just females in lifestyle okay and i remember you put stuff out there to get other females perspective i did didn't i uh-huh do you well i just remember that i was amazed and i think you were too a little bit how every woman there wasn't a single woman that didn't say they felt the same way that when a guy couldn't get up that they took even if the guy wasn't a dick about it or anything else but that they felt personally inadequate because as a female how you know somebody's attracted to you is they get it up the defining rod gets hard so if they think you're hot and they want to have sex with you and they can't get it up do they really find you hot yeah but even living what's funny with that even living with a guy that deals with it it didn't matter when we when that reverse logic applied to go well you knew that i thought this person we'll just call him jay was hot but i couldn't get it up but performance anxiety does not have to be rational.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker1: And that's the thing. It's not rational. And how people feel, even though it's not a rational thought process, it doesn't take away from the seriousness of it. And guys, I truly believe that you have a responsibility to think about what you say when you're having issues or what you want a chick to do to try to help you if you're having issues. I mean, well, you know, just suck it some more. Come on, you'll get it there. That's hurtful. Look, your job is not, you're not a professional fluffer.
Speaker3: After two hours, I'm done.
Speaker2: Your jaw hurts after chewing a sandwich it isn't happening well at some point even at that point in time if it got up it's not gonna be fun anymore i mean it's not gonna be enjoyable i can tell you one thing that is like absolutely disgusting to me is the one that guy couldn't get it up, and he was starting to freak out, and he kept spitting in his hand to whack it off, and it's like, please quit spitting. That's really gross. That does not make me want to say, oh, yeah, I remember about, I remember that all the way through, because I remember as you were going, he's fucking spitting all over himself, and I go, it in the porn this is not a fucking porn that is gross now one thing that um i run into a couple times with guys being able to get it up they're hard until someone says you need to wear a condom and then as soon as you put they try to fumble with the condom it goes limb okay see i found a solution to that yes you found a solution you found a solution go ahead to him i would always go just say here you put it on yes i've done it to guys where they're like i hate condoms it'll go soft give it here i'll keep it hard yeah and i unroll it and if i tease it with my mouth, I tease it with my mouth. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker3: So with a condom, just give it here. Cause I can get, I can keep you hard and get it on and tease you with my mouth.
Speaker2: Yes.
Speaker3: That's my magic little trick.
Speaker1: And I've never seen it not work on a guy.
Speaker2: No. At all. No,
Speaker3: that's the magic little touch. Yeah. Because that's my issue is opening the condom i instantly become all thumbs yeah you can't open a wrapper to save your life it's just just hair and we've been practiced it
Speaker1: how many condoms did we go through a lot practicing and getting it on and and no i'm i i don't know why i can't get it on but you have no problem telling a girl to do that for me either yeah I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know. I don't'm i i don't know why i can't get it on but you have no problem telling a girl to do that for me either yeah put it on form yeah because you you won't even wait you'll do that right off the i did it to one guy and he goes okay i could get used to this you need to do this to his wife like sorry well but it it does it because you instantly feel all nervous and you start sweating again otherwise and you've again been really good about saying right to the i've heard you say right when we walked in before it even starts we're gonna wear condoms he you're gonna have to put it on for him and then they know and i've never had a girl say no and i've never had a guy tell you no no get your mouth away from that let me do that i mean so that no that's a that's an awesome that's an awesome a damn awesome way to get it up what would other advice would you tell other females to to help well actually no let's do it this way what advice would you tell other guys to deal with when they're having an issue because it's better to hear for the guys here what your perspective is vice versa that make sense not really um no that really didn't make sense. Like what? What do you mean? Well, okay, because from a woman, it's easy for me as a guy to say, just relax, right. If you're playing one-on-one with a guy and he starts to have issues, what are you going to say to him? Well, you say relax. Let's stop a minute. There's times that with another couple, and we were very early into the lifestyle, and he was having issues because he didn't realize that I didn't make a lot of sound. Right. And so we sat there, and we watched y'all play. I said, it's no big deal. Let's just watch them for a while. And then we were talking. He head straight and then it got to teasing and then round two for you was it was really good sex right right and that was then you started teasing you guys were watching i remember kind of looking over because i was in tune and i remember i remember what looking over and you're just kind of you guys are just laying there and pretty soon you're doing your little butt wiggle and just kind of stroking and just kind of talking and got him, got him relaxed. That is great advice, guys. Don't be afraid to, don't be afraid to, to take just a minute at all. Yeah. Cause there's nothing more frustrating than, you know, just keep going, keep sucking my dick. It's okay. And then you're like, how long do I have to keep going? Right, right. It's better to take and stop and talk. I guess that's what I would say to women is, if a guy says, hey, I got to take a minute. Like for me, I like to sometimes leave the room, go have a cigarette to whatever to calm myself. Don't take offense by that.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker1: Don't take offense. And please don't just sit there and wait for me to come back.
Speaker2: That's true.
Speaker1: It's kind of, I mean, if you're not into girls, I get it. But I mean, just kind of join in. The other couple needs to kind of keep going. Initially, though, when though when you said y'all play and we're all sitting there going okay what do we do um well i kind of feel bad playing with him not here um okay so it's odd it really was it was awkward and you're just like well let's keep I mean, that'd be kind of rude. Well, but now you know. But we were so new then. Now you can – it's nice when your spouse can kind of explain it for you. I do now. When you walk out, I said, just give him a minute. He just needs to regroup, clear his head, and then it'll be all good. Right. And then go ahead and play, because it is awkward when you walk back in the room and it's like everybody's staring everybody's just staring you're like okay so your dick ready to go let's go so you know just kind of just kind of play and go ahead and get into it a little bit i think one of the things that we have to talk about though we got to put in with this uh we stress it on every topic we talk about every single one is communication all the way across the board communication and it's not with necessarily with the other people that are there that you're having issues with you have to talk to each other about it you have to talk to each other you it can be awkward as a guy i think more for a guy than a girl to say to your wife your significant other she is so hot i'm so attracted to her but you have to be able to say that and as the significant other you have to not take offense to that or get that you know when you're talking about something like performance anxiety it's it's not you can't take it as a rib it's it's i need reassurance is what it is and and you have to you have to talk about it and you have to just like after the third time it happened with you you know that was a pretty intense conversation we had on the way home about me not jumping in there to help you and it was it it needed to be an intense conversation uh if we had not had that conversation i think that what was happening would have continued it would end up again ending the the swinging at some point in time for us you know you have to be able to talk about it you have to be able to you know you have to be able to listen we crack jokes with each other about stuff like that but we also know when i mean you have always been awesome about knowing when to crack a joke and when not to uh and and to talk honestly you in fact you were the one that suggested me to go you were the one that found the acupuncturist i mean you researched it and found that that uh acupuncture you find a couple other things as well i'm trying to think now what else you'd found some other type of meditation things that would also possibly remember i mean i'm trying to think now oh what was it like but but i mean you you did a lot of research you took the ball and and you took you took the ball in the hand yeah you took you took control and where my ego and a lot of guys he goes we're going to get in the way my My ego was going to get in the way, and I was more willing to just say, you know, you just play without me. I'll never play again. You went out and you did research and found some options.
Speaker3: Because there's a bunch of different things that can – there's a bunch of different things that can – for solution.
Speaker1: For solution, yeah and and if and I I credit our communication our ability to be able to to have that conversation to have the the tears after the you know fourth the sixth seventh time that it happened and be able to communicate and I wasn't able to say anything to make it better but I hugged you all the way home on the three hour drive home to the communication when you said no you're not just going to accept I don't able to say anything to make it better, but I hugged you all the way home on the three hour drive home to the communication. When you said, no, you're not just going to accept it. There's solutions. Here's it. Here's an option. Here's some options. So, you know, performance anxiety, don't let performance anxiety be the thing that, that ends your swinging, whether it be if you're a guy and you can't get it up or you have issues, or if you're a gal that is running into a streak of guys that are having issues with it, communicate, uh, with each other, take and, and, uh, talk with each other, support each other on it and work together as a relationship to to make it better and i think that you'll enhance your swinging experience very much so so guys uh really want to thank everybody for tuning into the special episode uh we enjoyed doing this i hope you guys enjoyed this show as well uh we hope in the future we'll do some more things like this on topics that we think are kind of big in the lifestyle all the way through. And, yeah, so I want to just take this opportunity to make sure that you know you can follow us on Facebook at TheCrazyTruth. You can also follow us on Instagram at crazy. Yeah. Yeah. follow us on um instagram at crazy dot yeah uh yeah crazy also i forgot where my instagram is uh you can follow us on instagram at crazy dot casbah there's an underscore underscore crazy underscore casbah twitter at twitter at truth crazy did that one wrong uh and also you can support our patreon as well if you like what we're doing www.patreon.com backslash crazy k-r-a-z-y casbah k-a-s-b-h and we also want to give a shout out again to our sponsors for the tonight's show Uh, that would be towns.com make sure you register today for free that's www.swingtowns.com and make sure that you let them know that you referred by the crazy truth so for tonight doing it the only way i know how and the only way i want to casbah style out bye