When the Spark Fades: Understanding a Partner’s Loss of Sexual Interest

Transcript

Speaker1: Welcome to the Hot Wife Podcast, where we dive into discussions about relationships, intimacy, and everything in between. Before we begin, we want to make it clear that the views expressed on this podcast are solely those of the host and guests, and should be taken as opinions, not professional or medical advice. Additionally, we remind all listeners that this podcast is intended for adults over the age of 18. Unauthorized rebroadcast of this show is strictly prohibited without the written permission of the owners of Hot Wife Podcast. Now let's heat things up. Hello, everybody. This is Donna Lynn, and welcome to my Hot Wife podcast. Sorry about that. I'm sorry. Can you mute my... Swallow that load. I wish I was the problem. Me too. That's a little better. Yeah, I don't know what was going on there. I think my voice is changing. Do you have to use the word little? Oh, sorry about that. It's okay. I'll take it personally. Oh, you shouldn't take it personally. But anyway, I am also here with my My ever-wonderful husband, Vince, who's behind the scenes doing everything that I don't do. Yeah. So many things, right? It's a broad spectrum, isn't it? Well, I just leave it open. That's all I do. I just leave it open. Yeah. Hey, I have to start out the show by saying thank you. Not to you. Oh, okay. I was going to say, why are you saying thank you to me? Our numbers have gone way up again. We're- where we were when we took our... Back before we took our hiatus. So again, I want to thank everyone. We're getting emails at info at hotwifepodcast.com from new listeners and old listeners. And I want to thank everyone. Tonight's show is actually due to an email we got from a listener. And that individual actually apparently lives close to us. And I think I might need to apologize. I tried to... respond to his e-mail reply. Okay. And it gave me an error message, and then the e-mail disappeared. It's not in my trash. It's not in spam. It's not in the inbox. I don't know what happened to it. There's a ghost in the machine, I'm sure. It's called Vince Luck. With anything digital, I find that some things, they just disappear. It's like, what the hell happened? Well, I don't know why. I just hit reply, and I typed out my reply, and then it just disappeared. So it's not in... No, I can't find it anywhere. So, whatever. Weird. Yeah. But we've even gotten emails from our friends that were on the show. He emailed me this morning how he woke up with a throbbing heart on thinking of you. Thinking of you? No, you, I said. I thought he meant you. I would block him if he told me to woke up. Oh, I thought you would be like, you know, oh. I mean, I understand. If he did, I mean, I'm damn gorgeous, but that's another story. Well, that explains, you know, I'm telling you, you should really start the hot husband podcast. Well, actually, his wife wants me, apparently, to send a dick pic, and I don't do dick pics. I sent a face pic, and I said, that's kind of a dick pic. I'm not even going to go there. A lot of people think that's a dick pic. You know, my ex-wife thinks that's a dick pic, but, you know. I'm not going to. My mother told me if I can't say anything nice to somebody. Then you wouldn't talk at all in this podcast. Maybe that would be true. I would not be speaking at all. Anyway. For sure. So, but no, I want to give a big thanks to everyone who's new listeners, old listeners. You know, I really appreciate that you guys give us a chance and listen to us. And we're the official authorities on nothing. Absolutely nothing. And we will attest to that till the cows come home. For sure. So. So the gentleman who lives in our general area, and we're outside Philadelphia. Right. I mean, I can tell you his name because there's only three people named Frank. Yes. So Frank, you know who you are. Yep. You're one of the three, and you're probably the only Frank that listens. That could be true. But apparently he discovered our podcast driving home from a little ways away. And enjoyed it, which we appreciate. And just talked about what our topic is going to be. That he has a wife that has kind of lost interest in sex. Oh, that's kind of sad. I don't know anyone's age, so I can't speak to that. So we're going to address that. We've done other shows on it. There are similar, sure. And we're going to talk about that again. Okay. I guess you want me to kick it off? I can do that. That's your show. Not really, but okay. Thanks for, well, you know. I'm not taking blame for this shit. Yeah, exactly. Well, there's a lot of components that can go into losing interest. You know, there's a lot of, you know. Husband named Vince. Well, that's, see, number one. That's a sex drive. We even Googled that and it came up. Husband named Vince. I was like, how do they know? I actually typed in chat GBT. What's number one reason for losing sex drive? Husband named Vince. I was like, damn, that's good. Yeah. Donna's been fucking putting all sorts of data in the chat GBT. No, there's all kinds of components, you know, and it's, it could be something as, you know, physical, work-related stress. Stress. Health. Pain. Pain. I go through that with a lot of back pain, shoulder pain, whatever, just from getting older, marriage pain. Emotional exhaustion. Pain in the ass. What's that? Emotional exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion. That's a good one. And all these things are, you know, They just kind of snowball, especially, you know, with work and stress and finances. And that'll kill sex drive right there. We talk about finances. Boom. I mean, you know. I'm excited. Tell me the bills we owe, bitch. Oh, yeah, baby. I'm just jerking off. Tell me about the late fee. Tell me about the late fee. I wish it was like that. Yeah. It'd be so much better. But, yeah, all these things contribute. And the person that, you got to be patient with the person that's going through this or maybe talk it out and see, is there anything you could alleviate? I mean, short of winning the lottery when it comes to finances, of course. We've talked about and we've had some success with the aspect that we really try to work as a team. Yeah, I'd say we pretty much do. I'm the coach and I yell at you. What are you? Oh, no, you take on the military route. You maggot. Come on, you maggot. Does your mama do that? Yeah, I love that. It just turns me on. When you start yelling at me and degrading me, I get so wet. I do what I can. I know. Thank you. See, we're a team. You give abuse and I take it. I yell, you take it. There you go. This is like a perfect relationship. No, in all seriousness, I mean, Donna and I, I have been through a lot together in our 22 years. I don't know. I give it up. And I mean, we've been through... Financial. My financial. My financial. Yeah. Okay. I'm on my third glass of bourbon. Oh my God. I know. I'm behind. It should be a number four. Jesus Christ, help us. I swear he doesn't have a drinking problem. He doesn't have a drinking problem. I only use one hand and I have one mouth. No. We have been through what I went through after my divorce and child support. Financial disasters. The economy took a dip. Oh, yeah. 2009, we got laid off. We filed bankruptcy. Got our car repossessed. Good times. You can't forget about them. Good times. Living large. But through all of that, Donna and I stayed as a team. We didn't argue or fight. It was stressful. It was stressful, but we didn't fight. And a lot of couples do. A lot of couples, that kind of stuff. And I know some people that have had financial issues and caused a lot of strain on their marriage. And I guess because what we went through wasn't to blame on either one of us in general. No, it was just the economy and you got laid off, I got laid off, and it was just a snowball. It's important as a couple, whether it's married or just together, that you work as a team. Mm-hmm. And that's a lot easier said than done because it's really easy to blame the other person for, well, if you hadn't done this, we wouldn't be in this situation. And you can't play the blame game. And that translates into the bedroom. Yes, it really does. If one of you has made mistakes, like my father, he was horrible with credit cards and his id, he had to buy things he wanted and stuff, and that caused my parents a fight nonstop, but whatever. You need to own your mistakes. If your partner has lost sexual drive, and I'm not saying this is the case for Frank, because I don't know Frank. talking in generalizations, if this fits anyone's mold, you need to own your mistakes. And that's on both. Sometimes both people in the relationship. And, you know, hopefully the bedroom is where you have one of your strongest bonds. Yeah, I would hope. But if the bonds outside of the bedroom have issues, it will affect that. And don't blame your relationship falling apart. Because of sexual ones, it generates more than... Yeah. It's usually, if things aren't going right in the bedroom, it's not because of what's going on in the bedroom. It's a lot of other things outside the bedroom that are affecting it. And there's a lot of components out there that are just there to wreck your fun. Again, I'm aware this is not one of the sexiest topics we've covered. No, that's for sure. Yeah, but it's an important element. Sure. If you're in a relationship, Hopefully you can relate to it. If you're not, it's something you need to know. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, I mean, like, don't have this conversation if you're having issues with someone's sex drive in the bedroom. This needs to be done outside the bedroom where there's not that, like, someone's, I need you to just take one for the team because I want sex and I know you don't want it. Well, you know. Yeah, that's not right. No. That's actually going to have, like, What's that? I didn't say anything. Okay. No. I said nothing about hookers. No. No, I didn't hear that at all. Not even a little bit. If I said it, you might have heard it, but I didn't say it. You didn't say it. Well, I think, too, if you put that ultimatum on, it was like putting a gun to their head, you will have sex or, you know. Well, if you're angry at someone, okay, don't get me wrong, there is such thing as angry sex. Yeah, there is such thing as angry sex. Let me put it that way. If you're upset, there's no such thing as upset sex. I don't know if there is or not. I just have not experienced it. You don't get makeup sex from upset sex. You get from angry sex. Okay. But if you're upset with someone, you're not going to want to have sex with them. Probably not. And if you do, it's not going to be good. You might end up, you know, if you're blowing them as a woman or whatever, you may end up biting your dick off. So watch out. a fart loose or something. You might. Just to sabotage you. It could be just ugly. But no, it's, you know, sex should be something more that helps bind your relationship than drive it apart. Oh, yeah. So sex, if, you know, it's really important, I guess, to have a conversation. My voice is tweaked real high there. Maybe you're going through a change, too. I think I'm getting a few. I think I might be reaching puberty at 59, finally. Finally, Jesus Christ. I was worried I was going to get to 60 and not reach puberty. That, you know, ask them, what's going on? Is it stress? Is it you? Is it something you do? Is it something you don't do? Is it medications? Medications have a lot to do. Oh, holy cow, they sure do. And so many of them, what's the one that's like, we keep watching, all these commercials for all these medications. And a lot of them, you know, of course you get the whole suicidal thoughts. Side effect. You'll get a four-hour erection, but you're going to want to kill yourself. Yeah, it's like, okay, great. That sounds, well, Hannah sounds good. Take two of them. So, yeah, it's. Yeah, so someone, you know, we have to, you have to look at the big picture if there's an issue. with you or your partner with sex drive. And don't be afraid to either A, do your homework. You know, look up. Say, hey, I take this medication, this medication, or they take this medication. What are the side effects? Yeah, what are the side effects? Does it affect your sex life? We've talked about it before on other shows. And, you know, some of the guys I know, They don't get why their wife isn't putting out. And I'm not talking to Frank, because I don't know Frank's situation. But they go do their work at work. Their wife does their work at work. Then the wife comes home, is cooking dinner, doing the dishes, helping the kids with homework, doing the laundry, and he sits there and watches sports or the news or both or whatever, and doesn't realize, why isn't the wife giving me something? She's exhausted. He's doing everything else. Help her out a little bit. However that might play out. It might be something you need to look at collectively. And again, have an honest conversation. Right. If you're both getting it all done, then it gets done sooner. Go figure. If that's what it is. It might just be that you get home from work and it's like, oh, I still have to do dishes. I still have to cook dinner and do laundry and whatever other crap you have to do. you get home from work and that kind of sucks. I mean, I'll talk about our relationship, honestly. I mean, there's times that I might get home a little more fired up than you. And again, I do things at home too, as well as you do. And sometimes that one day, one of us might be more exhausted than the other. And, you know, we sit there, hey, when I go mess around, you're like, oh, I'm just, I'm really tired. It was a bad day. It's like, okay, I get it. I get it. You know, I mean. But you do help out a lot. But then I sit there and go, wait, You had off the last week. Yeah, when did that happen? Yeah, when did that happen? I think I slept through that or something. So it's all something, and again, as we get older, if you're looking at your partner who you got with when he or she was 20, and let's say now they're 40s, 50s, whatever, you know what? Things change. Oh, yeah. That's not going up. Let's put it that way. Well, hopefully it goes up. It doesn't. Come on. That's the facts. You know, your hormones change. I'm not talking about that going up. Oh, that might be good. Well, men's testosterone goes down. Women's estrogen goes down. All these things. Yay, getting older is so much fun. Yeah. But again, and we all have so many responsibilities. Yeah. You know? It's true. Again, it's like, oh, you know, So whoever pays the bills, all of a sudden they get done looking at the bills they just had to mail out the money you made. And they, you know, that's kind of a downer. No one gets excited. It's like, oh my God, trash bill went up. Unless they're in the BDSM, maybe that's what's more. Humiliation. Humiliation. I'm going to make you pay this much more for electric. Oh my God, thank you. I can't wait till the delinquent calls come. I hope they really make me feel bad. I hope they really humiliate me. Tell me what a small dick I have in a slow paycheck. Oh, thank you. Talk slower. So, but, no, again. I know we're joking about it, but. You got to. We're all in this together. Yeah, we sure are. You know? And, you know, so if your partner, and again, okay, something else that we haven't touched on is, you know, as we get older. Right. Our bodies aren't in the same shape. that they were when we were younger. Are you trying to tell me that round is not a shape? Oh, it's a shape, but not a shape you want. And maybe it's not a shape. Maybe it's a matter of sag. Great. Let's be honest. Yeah, you're right. Well, I'm serious. Gravity is not your friend. Gravity is just not your friend. As we get older, our skin doesn't have elasticity. Yeah. See, I'm not that drunk. I can pronounce that word correctly. Wow. And without a slur. Not too bad. Not too bad. But it was understandable. I'm proud of you. Yeah, thank you. I feel, I'm, I want a gold star to put on the front. Shut up. But, you know, so sometimes our body image. Right. Oh, that has a lot to do with it for sure. It's not something like, okay, you know, and again, I'm going to refer back to my first marriage. Okay. My first mistake, she was real conscious about her body and it wasn't great. And I definitely married above my pay grade this time. But anyway. Oh, did you get married again? Yeah, yeah, before you. Oh, okay, good. Shut up. Such an ass. I'm just using you for humiliation. And I do a damn good job of humiliating you. But no, it's like all of a sudden, I mean, as I say, I hear it from you. It's like, oh my God, this looks like this now. Oh, it didn't look like that before. Oh, this. It's like, shut up. I don't put my dick back in here. You do say that. That is true. Yeah. And, you know, aging is a tough thing. Oh, sure. You know, we're all not, you know, 20 anymore, 22, whatever. Right. Things change. Yep. Sometimes they move. And not the way you want. Gravity is not your friend. I have been saying that for years. Gravity is not your friend. So again, is it a matter of is your significant other not happy about how they look in whatever way? Has it been weight gain? Has it just been gravity and age? Are you paying attention to them? Do you reassure them that you find them sexy? It doesn't matter. We're all going to change. As much as we want to think we're going to stay perfect like me, the rest of you don't. Oh, yeah. Okay. What are you saying? No, nothing, dear. You're absolutely right. Yeah, just lie to them. Just lie. Really? What? Like, oh, no, your ass looks great still, Donna. What do you tell me when I'm going up the steps? You're like, oh, your ass is like bouncing against the back of your knees. I didn't lie to you. I didn't tell the truth either. Ass. You know these people doing like those, like they do the ass clapping? That's just you walking up the steps. Sometimes it feels that way, that's for sure. At least you can walk up the steps. I'm sitting there like, oh, fuck. Steps. Steps. Oh, you love the steps and you know it. But that's a whole other story. We'll go with that. It's a different show. Sometimes you just have to take things a little more lighthearted. Let your partner know you're all right. That's a good way to put it. You know what? We're all going to chain. Grab their ass even if it's down below their knees. Pick it up. Don't let them drag it. Give them a hand. That's what you do for me. You know, show them if they flop their tits over their shoulders, it's easier to walk. It's not as much a strain on their back. They're not leaning forward. No, no, I'm kidding. Droopy nipples need love too. That's you, dear. Droopy Nipples. I'm sorry, I shouldn't use my pet name. No, you shouldn't. People might get the idea to use it. You'll be getting emails to Droopy Nipples. If we get mail for Droopy Nipples, I'm going to know. I'm going to know. Info at Hot Wife Podcast. Subject, Droopy Nipples. Droopy Nipples. But no, I mean, I guess the general concept for this show is if you're is not in the game the way they used to be. Let me put it that way. You really need to be honest with them and ask them why. Let's have a car. We're in this together. What's going on? Is it me? Is it you? Is it medication? Let's look at everything. Pain, medical. I mean, again, as women go through menopause or whatever, pain, sexual intercourse or whatever, contact can be painful. Yeah, intercourse was painful. We have been through that, where Donna didn't enjoy intercourse for numerous years. Oh, God, 40-grit sandpaper syndrome. I know I've said this before. It was like getting fucked with 40 grits. I say 40-grit sandpaper only because I know what 40-grit feels like, and that's what it felt like. Did you really? Oh, yeah. In fact, I used to masturbate with it. Just to get ready for menopause? Oh, yeah. Just take 40-grit sandpaper, rub your thumb over it. It's like, that's what it felt like. Yeah. And it wasn't like, you know, you kept saying, oh, you need more lube. had nothing to do with it. Not a thing. And, you know, there are other alternatives if you want to explore. You know, it's like, okay, hey, I don't enjoy intercourse anymore. Okay, well, what can we do? I want to make you feel good. Right. How does oral feel? Yeah. You know, how does anal feel? Ooh, there you go. To both parties. Yeah, honey. Feels good to me, but that's not your ass. You know, sometimes even a nice soft massage is a nice way to get things. Your soft tongue on my cock, yeah. That's a nice soft massage. Jesus. I was going to say something smart, but I'm not kidding. No one expects that. Your partner doesn't want to have sex with you? Just give him a roofies. No. I know. That's meant as a joke, a very bad joke. We joke with each other about the whole roofies next to the bed as an aphrodisiac. We don't endorse. No, we don't condone that at all, obviously, but as a joke for us. Next week starts a hot husband podcast. We have to remove her from the show now. But no, it's something that I honestly believe could be resolved with honest conversation. Absolutely, yeah. And don't be afraid. to talk to your doctor if it's you that suffers that issue or maybe you and your significant other need to go see a doctor together and say, hey, listen, you know, my partner here, whoever that might be, male, female, isn't enjoying sex. Can you give us any guidance to why? Is it medication? Is it, you know, whatever? I don't, you know, I don't even play a doctor. There's so many different facets. It could be. It's unbelievable. So yeah, it could be medical. It could be physical. It could be mental. It could be. Sex is one of the greatest things in life. Yes, it certainly is. It gives us closeness. It makes us feel more connected. It makes us feel good about ourselves. Makes us feel good about ourselves, sure. I'll just sleep better. Sometimes, yes. It gives me queer skin. No. I'm sorry. It makes me orgasm. Well, okay, that it does. Okay. I have tried the whole, you know, No, I've never tried that. Maybe that's why. And you know I have no zits. Well, that's true. You don't have any zits, so maybe there's something there. Well, you can come on my face. Oh, okay. Other women can come on your face. Oh, okay. See, I think that's the key. Oh, you think there's something there, huh? It has to be the opposite sex. For you. For me. Whatever works for anyone else. Hey, you know, that's good. I like a good cum load on my face. Yes, I absolutely like a good cum load on my face. I like to rub it in. I think it does help with my, you know, giving my skin a glow. But then I take you in the shower and wash you with a bro. Yeah, okay. And delouse me, as you like to call it. Take you in a car wash, strap you to the roof. Oh, it's fun in that too. Sure, that's a different story. No, I think, you know, I encourage you, if you're in a situation where you or your partner has lost interest, I mean, there also has to be an honest conversation. Are you happy with the person you're with? Right. You know, I mean, besides all the other things we mentioned, you know, got to be honest, you know, are you in a relationship that you're not happy with? Yeah, and as relationships go, they do change. I told my therapist, I'm not. You told your therapist What? Oh. Yeah, okay. Was that out loud? Yeah, you said the quiet part out loud. Stop that. But yeah, I mean, you have to be honest with, you know, your relationship and what you want out of the relationship. And sometimes, is it realistic? Is it something that's obtainable? You know, and just communication is probably the most important thing in any relationship. Life is short. Be honest. Be honest with yourself. You know, I mean, everyone deserves happiness. I agree. You know, if your partner's not happy with you or you're not happy with your partner in that aspect. Right. You know, you need to do what you can do to be happy. That's the whole idea. If they're happy with you, but it's some other element, then let's find out what that element is and fix it so we can be even happier. That would be nice. Yeah. What if what you have, you can't be fixed? by... Then there's other means. Yeah. You know, there's other aspects you can chase that can bring some level of happiness and satisfaction. Mm-hmm. You know, if your partner, for whatever reason, can't bring you sexual happiness, whether it be through intercourse... Right. or oral satisfaction or whatever. Maybe you need to explore, like, am I allowed to have, you know, sexual relations, not a relationship. Right. Just to meet my desires. Oh, that's one aspect. Or you also have to consider that sometimes intimacy is not necessarily sex. Sure. There's a lot of older people. They, I mean, I'm talking like older, older, probably in their 80s or whatever. And I don't know this word. Like 65 or something. 65 or something, yeah, okay, let's go with that. And there's just, there is no actual sex, but they're still very intimate with each other. But again, that depends, and I agree 110% with you, but that's going to show you the strength of your relationship. Sure. If you have that ability that's like, okay, I really desire this, I can't get it, but we can do this, and it kind of And again, how strong is your passion, your love for the person? Exactly. Yeah. And I do believe that going back again to communication, that's the whole thing. And if you have a partner that doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to acknowledge it, there is a problem. Yeah. And having an honest conversation that is full of empathy, you're not pointing fingers at it, you have to have an understanding. Life's not fair all the time. No. No, it's not. But, yeah, definitely First Steps have a serious, honest dialogue from both parts. Exactly. No blaming anyone. Right. Okay? Sometimes it's just life happens, you know? Yeah, it's what we're given. Yeah. Okay? And so the best thing you can do is try to work within those boundaries. Yeah. And try to bring it back. So, you know, as best you can. And hard cold facts are, I mean, our bodies change for men and women. Oh, yeah. Things happen to our body we're not happy about. And we want to pretend it's different. We think we can take medications to fix it all. Doesn't always work. No, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it doesn't. And, you know, you can think, you know, you can think in your head that you're still in your 20s, but... The reality is. When you wake up in the morning and your first words are, oh. It's not even good morning. It's, oh, God, kill me now. Oh, fuck, do I have to get up? So, anyway. So, with that, I don't know if we helped anybody. We hope so. And, again, we look forward to hearing from you all. Info at hotwifepodcast.com. We, again, thank everyone who does listen and all the new listeners. And, you know, It's growing beyond our expectations. I mean, we're on Podbean, and we're really booming there. Apparently, Apple, for a little bit, had stopped putting up our podcast. So went in there and found out they just, I don't know why, never got an answer, just stopped posting our stuff. So as soon as I put that, you know, refreshed that, all of a sudden, our numbers started climbing back up, and people were like, oh, you're back on. Yeah, people were like, hey, you're back on. We never left. Well, we did months and months ago. Yeah, we took a little two-month hiatus. That was it, two months. Apple kind of just took us down for a little bit. So, I mean, our biggest listenership is through Apple. We love you guys. We love everyone who listens. We really, this is, again, the start of our fifth year. We are very humbled. This is meant to be our therapy. Yeah, pretty much. So, yeah. And we look forward to hearing from you guys. comments, questions, questions, ideas for shows. If you want to reach out to us and come on the show, again, info. Oh, we'd love that. Hot Wife Podcast, yeah. We can have you call in. We can talk. We are exploring other options to maybe do like one live show a week. The video shooting of the podcast is coming soon-ish. We've been saying it for a while. I know. Our studio is just a disaster. It just keeps getting in. Financial things happen. And no, so I'm not going to get into it. Soon, right? We are blessed with the amount of listeners we have, but because we're a podcast that deals with sex, we don't get the advertisers. So we virtually make enough to just cover our expenses for the show. And that's fine. We're happy with that. We're just happy everyone listens. So with that, Check out 50shadesofpleasure.com, free little site I do. It's a blog site. And if you want to see who, what, where, and what Donna is doing. At hotwifedonnellin.com. I'm on different platforms. I'm posting something every day, several times a day, so there's always something going on there. I see the fun I'm having or I've had in the past, and so we'll see where it goes. And with that said, all I'm going to say to you is stay horny. Have a great night, everybody.