Steps to Please Your Woman?

Transcript

this program contains strong sexual content no one under the age of 18 is permitted to listen to or download the podcast in any manner the host guest and performers are all over the age of 18. rebroadcasting this podcast in any manner is strictly prohibited without the written consent of the owners of the hot wife podcast the commentary of this program is the sole opinion of its host or guest and does not reflect that of the opinion of the Hot Wife Podcast's owners, agents, or representatives. This podcast is not meant to be taken as professional advice.

Hi, this is Donna Lynn and welcome to my Hot Wife Podcast, where we discuss all the good, the bad bad and the really erotic of the swinger lifestyle hello everybody this is donna lynn and welcome to my hot wife podcast i'm here once again with my wonderful husband vince real wonderful you don't sound very wonderful yeah head cold still i've kicked the hell out of it just a slight runny nose will congestion my throat yeah i guess he ran over to get a tissue i was like oh he'll make it back before the introduction is over consummate professional oh if i didn't make it back in time your microphone and my microphone were both muted so it would just be a lot of dead air yeah well we would have to stop and start over so you're just that good besides being good looking oh hell i mean oh yes i mean absolutely i'll hit the button here make it the hot husband podcast instantly yeah where is that little intro it's It's not on the board anymore.

I took it off when I took off the head. Donna! Aww. That was kind of fun and every time i hit the button you bitch don't even give me that shit yes half the fun is bitching at you come on that's what i live for and that's kind of funny that i'm reading a little thing tonight the top tonight's topic is you know Here are some tips to satisfy your wife or your female partner. Thank you.

tonight the top tonight's topic is you know here's some tips to satisfy your wife or your female partner let her let them bitch at you that will be tip one don't give a fuck three it's not two it's not about her don't you spit into my microphone bitch oh my god i'm gonna spit my pumpkin beer out yeah you spit that into my microphone yeah i won't do that i won't do that okay what's number three is tell her to suck your dick shut up and suck my dick number four ignore anything she says okay there you go all right and show's over those are the tips follow them and you have a happy life happy wife five steps to help satisfy your female partner one don't care two don't care three don't care four don't care five learn to masturbate all right and that show is over and we'll see you later reassuring everybody's already been going through that.

What, the masturbation part? Well, if you piss off your partner and you're not getting sex, you don't have a choice but to masturbate. Oh, you always have a choice, but, you know, you can find somebody else. If you piss off your partner, do you really want her to put your dick in her teeth? No, you know, have her sharp nails on your balls. No, no, you really want to concentrate. I'm trying to make her happy. Oh, I didn't say concentrate. I said you should, but I don't. Okay, you don't. Oh, thought process. Well, there you go. All right.

So please, well, you know, lighten us with all these tips. Let's first off. Okay. Let's get the ugly, you know, geten us with all these tips. Okay. Let's get the ugly, you know, get the ugly elephant out of the room. So if you want to email us, email us at hotwifepodcast at gmail.com. Love to hear from everybody. That's not ugly at all. Well, I'm just saying, you know, get that stuff out of the way that we can get to the fun of the show. Yeah, the information. You know, and again, if they want to see where you're at.

I'm at hotwifedonnalyn.com and those are all the links of all the platforms Thank you. Stuff out of the way that we can get to the fun of the show. Yeah, the information. And again, if they want to see where you're at. I'm at hotwife.donnalynn.com, and those are all the links of all the platforms I'm on and all the videos I'm posting. And all the fun I'm having. And again, Spunk Group, big fans of their product. And they give us product now and then to give out. And we just sent a bunch out to some people. Yes, we did.

us um and uh so we appreciate that if you go to spunk lube.com and you when you get to a shopping cart if you punch in hot wife all one word you will get a 10 discount the other thing you can do is go to our website which some people aren't aware we have one and that is hot wife podcast dotcom and uh not only can you click on the banner there and go to spunk loop get 10 off but uh we have a whole bunch of uh in our toy store there we have a love sense stuff which is high-end toys really good quality it's fun there's some under standard toys and there's some that you can actually have someone in the same room with or across the country control for you.

Yeah, we've done something like that. That was kind of fun. Yeah. So you could be on the phone with somebody in another state or whatever, and you give them permission from the app to access your toy, and they can control your toy. Yeah, it was fun. And then you can FaceTime maybe at the same time, which is kind of cool. Thank you. you give them permission from the app to access your toy and they can control your toy. Yeah, it was fun. And then, you know, you can FaceTime maybe at the same time, which is kind of cool. Yeah, I don't think we do.

I just had the phone, but, yeah, he was able to control it. It was really interesting. But I think the funny thing is... I don't know if he can FaceTime.

Let me rephrase that because, you know, what happens is if you're controlling a toy, you have to have the app up because the guy controlling toy work girl has a like a little finger pad they move the finger on and so yeah you wouldn't be able to facetime but you could do it yeah you could just do a speakerphone call yeah i think that we just did a speakerphone thing speakerphone it was kind of fun the thing is i thought was kind of fun with that um it's he didn't know how how um delicate you like it'd be really delicate to use the controls or at least this app this is a few years ago and he would like you know hit it like too far and i was like whoa that's really strong it was actually kind of fun it was it was um it was it was neat because he he he got a kick out of being able to control like the the force and the vibration and the the sensation he was giving me so that was that was really kind of cool and they've come a long way since oh there's all they have toys now that um both the male and female can have a toy and who's ever controlling essentially like let's say the guy has a thing he could put on his penis or cock or whatever I'll see you next time.

can have a toy and who's ever controlling essentially like let's say the guy has a thing he could put on his penis or cock or whatever you want to call it and she gets to have a toy and whoever's controlling it both of you feel it so that's kind of cool you know you could you know yeah there's a lot of options there you can mix and match how you want to do that interesting yeah so check out the toy store yeah it's a lot of stuff and again so go to um hot wife podcast.com and uh you can do that you can hear the podcast there too and so it's a lot of fun but the banners for the toys are on the website it's this thing it says toy store click on that and they'll take you to the toy store.

And you see what they have. They have all sorts of neat stuff. Makes a great Christmas gift. If you're going to get a toy, you might want lube. So you click on the Spunk Lube banner. I know. I used that quite a bit yesterday. I'm telling you what. I'm still recovering. We're going to get him on the show soon to sit and talk with him. Great guy. Yeah, so yeah i came across this article of uh five tips to help satisfy your female partner okay i thought we went through them already well that was my five tips oh i see that's different okay well actually my five tips are find a different partner.

Go for it, baby. Have fun with that. Bring her home to me. Good luck finding someone else that will tolerate you. Oh, you're easy. And I'm cheap, too. That's true. So here they are. These are not my list, but this is somebody else's list. We'll see what you think of these.

You have not this list as of yet don't look at them this is like the johnny carson thing the great you know so number one give her some time to relax and get comfortable from the stress of the day maybe run your partner a bath put on some relaxing music inquire about her day ask her if you can take a warm bath together really no just two people connecting with no pressure for sex so obviously that one means you don't have any kids yeah i guess not okay so so we'll just add this how to satisfy your female partner if you don't have children well so if i ran you a bath you'd sit there and be looking for electric appliances that i'm throwing i'd have to mention it can you imagine two of us in that tub up there well not gonna happen folks it's not a jacuzzi tub it's just a standard neither of us like baths either um i used to i don't like that tub up there it's way too deep so here here's the thing i mean most bathtubs i know this is going to sound stupid they're only um i'm going to say 8 10 11 inches from the floor this one's like 18 it's literally it's a deeper tub it's super deep so if i get in there i literally can't get out because the other problem i have is ours is a standard type tub so in a very short time that hot water cools off cools off and it's not quite so relaxing now if you have a hot tub tub that kind of heats the water keeps it yeah yeah that's one thing that's one thing but a bath i mean if people if you know your significant other enjoys a um a bath yeah i can see that yeah i can see that i like the get her a drink thing here you need her for the stress of the day i know that feeling um okay so number two okay i'm trying to get your feedback on this tell me if this is going we're going anywhere in the right direction okay i mean i got it the first one's pretty good number two okay help her get in the mood for some sexy time.

Try a little voyeurism with some soft porn, movies, or journals. This could be a great way to increase her sex urges. Swingers love it too. I've been editing our videos all day, so I've been looking at porn all day long. And not softcore. Yeah, definitely not softcore. Until I got like my real real job gave me some work to do but then i i was doing that all day so um actually again this this again they didn't add in here you can't have kids you can't i'm sorry we're taking off you know turn your playstation off or turn barney off we're gonna watch some soft core.

Trying to get Mom in a good mood tonight. Well, you know, there's a couple really horror movies that started out very alluring with some softcore porn. And the one movie I'm thinking of, I thought it was very titillating, was the beginning section of Hostile, which turned out to be not a very sexy movie at all. Oh, says you. It's like the first... I thought the second half of the movie was sexy. Well, I thought the first half, you know, these girls are, you know... That's like cutting somebody's Achilles tendon. Oh, come on, come on. Drill through the kneecap. Oh, my God, that's so hot.

I was all kind of like, oh, this is going to be really cool, you know, these girls. So now you get me all worked up thinking about Hostel. up thinking about house oh god stop it no sol will get you all worked up oh so i could masturbate right now i think we're gonna play a game no yeah we're gonna play a game but um yeah i was so you know there's like the two girls that kind of seduce this guy take him back to their room blah i was like oh this is pretty it's pretty hot girl on girl action i'm like yeah I'm really, yeah, this is kind of nice, you know, take him back to their room, blah.

I was like, oh, this is pretty hot, girl-on-girl action. I'm like, yeah, this is kind of nice, you know? Then it's like, errr. Slam the 180. Yeah, exactly. I found the second half more erotic, but that's me. Yeah, you would, you sick son of a bitch. Well, you know. Well, you know. That's right. You know, whatever. To each their own.

It's a sicilian in me so whatever so number two you agree with it uh yeah for like the normal person but if you're like in an industry like we are even though i really we're talking about the average person average person like the average okay before before you were shooting okay would that have helped um maybe somewhat does that want to put you in the mood if i went and put porn on soft soft like sensual porn yeah maybe maybe there's there's certain porn i found very erotic like boondock saints oh yeah well that's true so you're not that far off of me don't you no no no there's that that one group on that one couple i saw on porn hub i don't know if i can say it can i say their name sure we're not we're not giving it and hansel it's not hansel and gretel and hansel it's a two very attractive couples and the lighting is great and it's it's you know you never see her face she always strategically puts her hair down there she's blowing them you could say anybody you want we're not we're not slamming her no no i encourage i watch their videos i'm telling you what i'm sure they're they they got some good money for me just watching their videos i'm like that's really hot like the massage video the camera like runs up her butt you know and and it's it doesn't camera yeah like it shows your feet and up her butt and then it shows his hands massaging her it starts out kind of um not not very not very sexual it's more sensual so i found that very erotic so something like that i think could definitely tweak me yeah i was tweaked okay i was getting a little chubby so number two is a a thumbs up too it's a thumbs up sure okay number one was a thumb up run a bath or a shower for see now i would substitute number one because i know you somewhat like make you a nice dinner and like make a nice steak with alcohol alcohol lots of alcohol drink as much as i have to to cook you dinner then yeah um oh by the way i'm drinking buffalo trace right now i just love the mug you're drinking that little metal mug you're fuck the world yeah he was like in the mood that day when he asked that one bad day at work was it it got better took the mug.

There you are. Okay. All right, so number three. Stimulate her sensitive parts with a little foreplay. Does that mean like your nose? Like tickle your nose? I don't know. With a little foreplay.

Set the mood with by making lots of contact with your clitoris which is located just outside the vagina i'm swear to god i'm reading this and the most sensitive part of the woman's body this ensures she receives maximum sexual pleasure wow so the sixth grader wrote this something like that or some some lab rat that has like a manual you know go to tab b and insert slot a no no it's tab b engaging straight that's why i'm going to stimulate their sensitive parts with a little foreplay now okay if we're going to write this whole thing like this somebody's going to what the fuck is what the fuck is a foreplay?

Where do I buy a foreplay? I have to stimulate her sensitive parts with a foreplay. What the fuck's a foreplay? I think they're jumping the gun too much. I would like to have sensitive parts for me like... I would say like a nice massage. Even back further, you know what really does it for me? Those either are nicely scented candle, get the smell in the room nice, or those atomizers, you know, they have the little smelly things with the oils and stuff. Okay. I like, if I walk into a room. This is what I'm reading, so I can take notes.

I've got to cross out some of this shit and put it in my own notes. They're jumping the gun a little bit. A nice massage before you get to the clit. Get out of the bath. Come over here. I'm going to rub your pussy. Yeah, exactly. Oh, you're so romantic. It's like, wait a minute. I'm not even, I haven't toweled off yet, and you're going to rub my clit. Get away from there. Have a nice massage. How about that? Yeah, and the room has to be warm. I'm sitting here with, like, extra jackets on, so I'm like, you know what? The room has to be warm. Otherwise, I'm not taking my clothes off.

All right, so number three should be close close to number seven this is only five things i just i just think they're jumping the gun with the whole clitoral stimulation i think they it could have been a longer list yeah i think yeah because like number four now is as you start to have sex make sure you give her freedom to choose what she likes. This will make her cry like a baby and beg for more. Would you give her a menu? Here's a menu of things you can choose from. Cry like a baby. Are you too fat and you're laying on top of her? Get the fuck off of me. Jenny Craig.

Jenny Craig, I'm just saying. Do I have to fuck you again? No, I fucked you six months ago. It hasn't been a year yet. I'm just picturing Mark a waiter with a menu. You can pick one from column A, one from column B. No substitutions.

I'm not sure I can i'm not yeah well it doesn't get any better number five but anyway we're already at number five we just flew through these well number four it's just i don't yeah that's what we're going to do next it's like you know and it's not going to be five items it can't be no it's five items i mean or they have to give a better description you know it should be like like one then there's sub subcategory a b c you know oh my god yeah whole flow chart i think yeah okay so so like i said four as you start to have have sex make sure you give her freedom to choose what she likes she likes to go shopping she doesn't want to be there with you.

She wants a good-looking guy to fuck her. This will make her cry like a baby and beg for more. It sounds, I don't know, this list sounds like someone's pretty goddamn conceited. This will make her cry like a baby and beg for more.

You're making a list so you know how to figure out how to please this woman and you're making it sound like well fuck yeah she gets to fuck me man she should be thanking me you know it's like i don't think you would have to have a list like this if you were doing your job correctly like there's nothing about how about something about giving her oral yeah how about making more about her yeah i rubbed her quit okay i touched your quit okay now hop on my dick hop on my dick because i'm gonna make you cry because you're gonna be so happy that you're sitting on my dick there's nothing more you want than sitting on my dick your life life exists.

Just sit on my dick. When you get done making me dinner, sit on my dick. I knew where this was going. Can you quick it off my dick and go get me a beer and then come back and sit on my dick? I'm just trying to keep you happy, honey, to sit on my dick. Okay. Okay, what was the last one? Mind throwing a hot pocket in the oven for me in the microwave? Oh, the breathtaking. And then come back here when it's done in two minutes, come back and sit on my dick. Okay. So number five, now that the romance is in full fucking effect because she's sitting on your dick. On his dick, okay.

Keep the sexual activity fresh by variations of rhythms and to make maximum contact with most vaginas nerve endings and changing i'm reading just as it's right okay you're changing the sex position more often um yeah i i do like switching it up yeah i'm all about that but this is it's i don't know they're not saying what the nerve endings are yeah the nerve endings i'm getting under nerve i'm pissing the fuck off yeah she's not getting any pleasure so she's i'm getting right on nerves. I've come three times, and it's been two minutes, and she's now really pissed off. You're getting all my...

The different positions, she keeps trying to run away. I say, no, bitch, get back here on my dick. But different positions on your dick. Well, facing me, not facing me. Which she likes a little bit better. Face down on me. Face down on me. Don't put yours on me because I came in your pussy and I don't want you dripping on my face. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. Okay. The majority of men usually make the assumption that they ought to take control of the sexual activity. The truth is that women have different preferences. Therefore, you should learn of your woman's preference.

Yeah, that would be not me. I've got to find out who the author of this fucking thing is and write to him and go, you need to wake the fuck up.

This is not, okay, so this bullshit list, list okay he just threw it across every shoulder okay it's like okay i'm not the end all be all lover you could argue that i'm not saying a word here i said you can argue that oh i can oh oh yeah yeah you are the be all end all lover thank you no you do good to me good thing you said that um because i'll be sitting on your dick sitting on my dick that's the sound effect sitting on my day sitting on my day um okay like my idea of, I guess, trying to be romantic would be either A, make you a really nice dinner to begin with, like a nice steak and stuff, you know.

Right, yeah. Food is always a way to my heart. Well, my concept is you have a nice, you know, you can have a drink with dinner. And you sit there and as you're having this nice dinner, you talk about your day. You know, they were right with that. Yeah. How was your day? You want to unwind? Was it good? Was it bad? What happened? I don't have to walk all the way over from my home office, which is 10 feet away. Oh, the traffic was terrible. Oh, I got stuck. Traffic jammed by the couch. It was terrible. Backed up all the way from the kitchen. It was horrible. Of course, my other job.

There was an accident on the canine. The canine. That's our dogs. Well, for my second job, yeah, I have to drive home. But that's not really a stressful job. But no, what I'm saying over dinner you sit there and like you know listen you know you had a tough day why don't you go upstairs take yourself a really nice hot shower take your drink up with you take a nice long hot shower okay and i'm gonna do dishes and get that out of the way you know know. And then as soon as I get them done, I'll come up. Maybe I'll join you in the shower or I'll just jump in after you. Okay, so we get that done.

We de-louse. De-louse. A little fresh couple passes of the razor. Yep. That fast, huh? You missed a spot. There's some nubs there, babe. I was shaving my knuckles. Shaving your knuckles. Not that bad. That's because I drag them when I walk. You do not. Oh, my God. But anyway. I think a nice massage after that. Oh, that's what I'd say. It's afterwards. Let's go in the bedroom. You give a nice massage. And you know what? Maybe have a couple candles lit you know, you have that nice smell and, you know. And the room is warm. You know. And then, okay, well, most people have heat.

Yeah, most people do. We're going to join the 21st century with this heat thing. The 22nd century, yeah. But anyway. Maybe in the next 10 years. I don't want to get there. But anyway. I don't want to rush it. So that'd give you like a nice massage. Yeah. You know, starting on your back and make it a thorough massage, you know, really work the muscles in your back, your shoulders. Yeah, like a true therapeutic massage. You know, go down over your butt. Right, right.

Then your legs and then your feet and get there and like really like go between the toes and pull your toes just a little one at a time kind of thing god i love that i love you like you like take my foot and kind of stretch the arch a little bit like stretch your feet out a little run both my thumbs through over your heels oh that feels good up your calf oh i love that do it i love that yeah and then you then get you to flip over flip over you know and then again put a little lotion on your chest and then you know on the inside of your thighs and just slowly rub it in again going down your arms and go to your hands yeah yeah resize your hands yeah.

It's like, we got it in the back house. We got to go. You know, but do the whole massage thing. Make it really nice. Yeah, and then you start dealing with the pussy. Well, yeah, and again, you know, I'm not going to go three knuckles deep because I got lotion there, too. Well, you know what? No, I wouldn't even actually make it sexual. I would not make the massage sexual. No, I think I would get some spunk lube on there. No, I wouldn't. I would just make it nice and whatever. Nice and whatever? Well, nice and relaxed, yeah. Yeah, okay. That's what the whatever meant. And see what happens.

And, you know, see, if I did the massage, right, you would either A, be so relaxed, which you deserve to be, or Or you be relaxed and maybe aroused. Right. Because I do like having my feet played with. Oh. So then either you would say, well, hey, can I rub your back? Yep. Or can I rub your front? Especially a certain part on your front. It's the only part that I hold attention to. Because then I'll be sitting on your dick. Sitting on my dick. Or my face. You know? You know?

then i'll be sitting on your dick sitting on my dick with my face you know you know so that's a new sound bite baby sit on my dick we need buttons or t-shirts with that on there we're to the next party sit on my dick but uh yeah you know and go from that way make it a nice you know and then maybe after massage like i said lay next to you and you know put my arm over you and kiss you and and slowly you know works in from there just it's a natural progression you don't have to you know like you know it's not like a hillbilly dance like what's your preference ma'am yeah when they said that when i'm ladies choice come up with a menu tonight we're serving you know john madden whiteboard all right i took you over here and got you a bath and then we're going over here i touched your i touched your nerves over here run to the wide end part here and plant my penis in your pussy and it's a score i'm going to go as deep as i can everybody has their arms up because you're sitting on my dick yeah they kind of missed a lot of sensual um points that i think would be very nice for women and for men i mean men like to be massages as much as women do you know especially if they start the only reason men get massages is for happy ending men like massages.

Well, no. I think they do like to massage too, but the happy ending just is a cherry on top. Sure. I mean, you love a woman that's rubbing you with your hands and then she starts using her body to massage you, make a little more erotic, erotic massage. And then she can be, what? Sitting on your dick. Yeah. But yeah, I thought that list, because I hadn't read it. I just printed it out. I was like, oh, let's go with this. And it's like, Jesus Christ. Is this written by a sixth grader? I touch her naughty parts. Her no-no button. Naughty bits.

The stuff the kids are trying to teach kids to read in school is dirtier than what i read jesus christ if you go by what that says go ask the sixth grader what the fuck to do yeah you might have a clue then excuse me son i want i want to get your mom tired fired up tonight what did they say I should do? You were in school? Yeah, oh my God, that's terrible. Yeah, I think after a massage, then maybe watching some sensual porn might be kind of nice.

Like the one I was talking about earlier with Hansel and Gretel, Gretel and Hansel, whatever that was i didn't think they're they're yeah it's very erotic oh my god the lighting is see for a woman a woman okay let me back up hold on see here's one here's one of my okay one of your opinions with that oh you have an opinion how many women okay i'm going by my ex-wife as an example oh why would you know she i'm trying to kill all sexual mood um great we're gonna need more alcohol honey no one's sitting on my dick my dick's unsittable tonight now it's never gonna get my dick went to sleep it curled up inside ran away okay all right okay go talk about your ex that's fine okay not all women women obviously i'm i'm saying there are some women like like my ex if a good looking guy was on tv she's oh yeah but a girl in bikini you know selling suntan lotion she look at me and if i'm watching tv she's what are you looking at so right so that could ruin it too if you have a wife like that or a partner like that that you're like oh okay let's put on uh you know some soft core porn or hardcore porn or whatever and all of a sudden she's like oh would you like to fuck her it's like well you have to know what your partner is so that's where that i would be open to that's where it's a little yeah you would be and there are some women yeah i'm not arguing that well maybe some women you have to put on like qvc or the Home Shopping Network.

Maybe that's porn to them. No, because that'll put me out of the sexual mood because my credit card bill goes up. Okay. We got more shit in the house we wouldn't need then. Yeah, that's true. No, I mean, that's where I said it's something like, okay, have a nice discussion. Then maybe you take a shower. Then you give each other a massage. Fuck the TV. All of a sudden, you relax her. You put her in front of the TV. Then she won't be sitting on your dick. No one's sitting on your dick. Just your hand is resting on your dick. Okay. It's just like, no, no.

It's like, first of all, they didn't make any mention to kids. Okay, they're assuming no one has kids. No one has kids. Send them away to Grandmom and Grandpop for the evening. Okay, well, mention that in that old article. Okay, take all the... If you have children or pets, get rid of them. Bury them in the backyard. Step one, take your dogs out. Let them go to the bathroom before you start this. Otherwise, it'll be...

It's like, what the fuck, in the tub jesus christ can you tell let them out yeah it just it ruins the whole mood you know it really does yeah i know you say that when i walk in the room too and you ruin the mood i never said that you're such an asshole don't even listen to him he's just so full of so shit. I don't believe you. That's all right. You don't have to. I'm loving and kind. Oh, my God. That was full of shit. But anyway, no, I mean, you know your partner, hopefully. Hopefully. You should know your partner. You know what they like.

Again, if you want to apply it from a woman towards a man or a man towards a man, whatever. Whatever. You know, you know your partner where they like. And, you know, most people want to spend quality time. Hopefully your partner wants to spend quality time. So you don't need the TV. I'm sorry. Well, here's a cool thing. I mean, I like the visual of that particular, these particular couples.

But you could be talking about fantasies as you're giving your partner massage like fantasies but i'm saying but yeah we're substituting the tv with massage no i um i would take the visual imagery and the sensual that sent the sensual yes over the floor that the that sensual image of those uh of the soft core porn as a, and you talk about it as you're massaging them. That's what you do when I'm blown. You talk about fantasies you've had and dreams. Things I've seen, sure. Yeah, things you've seen, things you find erotic. That's kind of cool. I like that.

Again, I'm thinking you're sitting in front of a TV now.

You're going to spend two hours watching a movie i'd say yeah let's pretend it's 13 and a half weeks eyes wide show nine and a half weeks nine and a half weeks 13 13 and a half inches i'm older i'm older now so it takes longer to accomplish it no no it's 13 and a half inches but for nine and a half weeks that's the x version of it there's no nothing on my body 13 and a half inches could you imagine they some of these these movies if you made them into like little little porn escapades like we already talked about the sitcoms i mean kind of hot i'd like to see some of these other like romantic comedies made into a little more porny things like you know these hot movies like you know like to have these where are they now yeah like modern day like those same people like now oh no that would be hot oh no geriatrics yeah yeah oh come on like uh in in uh nine and a half weeks when they sit in front of the refrigerator if you just drove he's like trying to get down oh jesus christ oh my knee my knee i got oh yeah they're feeding each other and it's like oh oh you know what those damn seeds get under my dentures this is gluten-free let's go to the bedroom let's go to the bedroom i can't get up give me a hand oh that would be us that would be us that's what i'm saying it's do a modern day version with the same actors that's horrible you know like dirty dancing and patrick's ways he's dead so it'd be a little more difficult well i mean okay let's see but it had let's pretend he alive right you know he probably he was in good shape he probably could still lift her but it's like but it's like oh my god hernia my hernia you know well i don't know she looks actually um the female actress i forget her face lift and stuff yeah but she didn't get like fat no no she's like 300 pounds now i mean again unfortunately she's passed but look at someone like um um sorry about that um the girl from cheers uh kirsty alley oh kirsty alley you know she passed too that's what i said yeah i thought you meant no kirsty alley passed but you know like when she was uh look who's talking and stuff like that which oh yeah my god that was a sexy movie but kirstie was sexy she was sexy yeah so even as a heavy woman she was sexy i always found her sexy um not as much like when she was in cheers i thought she was pretty sexy yeah that was like the hottest yeah yeah but yeah but yeah picture some of these movies where but like like where where they now?

And you see these people like, okay, well... You just ruined all sex for me, sorry. Well, what I want to do is make those same movies but make them more sexy. Like, you know, the things like... So nine and a half weeks would be like four and a quarter weeks? No, not without just...

Whatever they were alluding to that they kind of, like, you know, swept under yeah just well i've always said i think that with the way things are going why can't we i mean supposedly i can't verify but like in italy their uh soap operas actually have full nudity and soft core sex we just allude to it right yeah but over there supposedly i can't prove it so yeah i don't know but you know what i find always funny it's the same thing because america's americans um tend to be very uptight i always like the quote sex scenes the women are always wearing like little negligees or something it's like really you fuck with all your clothes on really you know they roll over they have stuff under that hides the see-throughness of it all Thank you.

negligees or something it's like really you fuck with all your clothes on really you know they roll over they have stuff under it that hides the see-throughness of it all it's like well why would you wear lingerie yeah they're wearing lingerie or a slip or something and you're like really you fuck with all your clothes on you you do yeah that was so hot it was like really yeah they pull the covers back and they're fully dressed like really how did that happen how did happen? How did that happen? It's like, you fuck with all your clothes on. That's hot. I mean, people do have clothes fetishes.

Sure. That's fine. You had sex the other day. The guy wanted you to leave the panties on. You just pulled them aside. Yeah, yeah. That was weird, though. They chafe. Oh, I don't find it deluring to do. I mean. At certain times, it can be pretty hot, but yeah. Personally, I don't find it. To me, it's like, it's just distracting. Yes, I agree. I like having freedom. Just take the fucking things off. No, the nice thing is if you give her a cream pie, you're right there to wipe it off. That's kind of nice. Catches it off. It's her panties. I don't give a shit. I don't care. I'm going.

I can throw them in the washer. I don't care well might smell funky for a little bit but i don't care fine well it depends how close if you're at home it's one thing if you're not at home you're gonna wear a little longer it's like what's wrong with you nothing nothing's wrong with me i feel i see You have a duck in your pussy? I have a duck in my pussy. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? It's me sloshing. You have a duck in your pussy? A duck in my pussy. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? It's me sloshing. You sat on a fucking duck. Nope, I sat on his dick.

I sat on a dick, yeah. She made it funny. No, that's fine.

My pussy is self-training but it's a whole gravity thing no no no no bad memories no i'm all i have pstd from that stop no no that's what sounded like to me ah disco disco duck kill me now stop it you still have the pants from that so i'm i uh well no but i probably could have oh anyway all right oh shit well so that was we want to cover that bullshit list that uh it's always interesting hearing with people so tell you what if you have a list of what you do to arouse your partner to have sex or help them to have a real special evening, send us your list.

You know the thing we missed on that list? No, I covered all five. Oh, no, no. Roofies. That's the aphrodisiac. We just skipped right over that. You've got the hot shower. You've got the massage. We do not condone roofies.

That's just for us that's what we do yeah we don't we don't want to remember we neither of us oh come on it's not that bad is it well oh we're gonna go there are we that's funny yeah i haven't had that much to drink this time oh my goodness so uh yes but i'm just joking about the roofies but do not that you don't condone or suggest anyone try that bullshit we do joke a lot but that is one thing but you know as long as everybody's consenting of. I have to make that very clear. But, you know, make sure you, before you know it, Valentine's Day will be here.

I mean, it's only like three months away. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah. We're going to start planning now. What she means by that is like, what can I make arrangements to go do that I won't have to be home? I'm getting my hair done. I'm getting my hair done. Until one o'clock in the morning. From like two in the afternoon. They dye each strand one at a time. I think it would take a little longer than that, but okay. Well, I don't know right here. But, all right.

So, again, we'd love to hear your list of what you find the ideal situation or procedure to make your, besides sit on your dick, to give your partner a romantic evening. That'll be interesting. I'd like to see what other people have to think about it because we're off the wall here. He just ties me up and throws me in the bed and says, here, sit on my dick. And then I'm like, yeah, that's romance to me. I tie her up, I throw her in the spare bedroom and say goodnight. You go down and watch TV? I don't have anybody snoring in the bed next to me, then.

I snore you don't know because you're asleep snoring so are you mr smarty pants you wake me up sometimes oh i tell you sometimes i tell you so full of shit i have told you there's times that you've snored and you just you sit there yeah you do you scared the fuck out of me sometimes. Well, I don't know what the heck I'm dreaming about. You start, and it's not like a normal laugh. It's a sinister fucking laugh. Can you mimic it? What does it sound like?

it's like what the that's not your laugh it's like oh my god i quick grab my gun and i'm like what the fuck she's doing you know no seriously i'm not even joking about that you have said that to me it's like oh my god you told me about that and I know, you have said that to me several times. It's like, oh my God. You told me about that, and I go back and I try to reflect on what I was dreaming about, and it's nothing. I don't have any memory of any dream at that time, so I don't know. It just scares the shit out of me. So if one day I'm not on the show, number one suspect. Call the police.

Number one suspect. That would be me. for a raffing girl one who raff in street kill husband raffing girl that's not even funny I know I'd be one being killed. Not funny at all. All right, Mr. Smarty Pants. All right, so anyway, thank everyone, again, for listening and putting up with our bullshit. We thank all of you, and hope everybody's being safe. And sitting on your dick. I don't want everybody to sit on my dick. Okay, sit on their dick of choice. But Thanksgiving's coming, so. Yep. You know, get rid of your stuff-a-bird. Our Thanksgiving is going to be different. It is? Oh, yeah.

Where are we? Sitting on your dick. Well, I won't be sitting on my dick. I'll be sitting on your dick. Every once in a while, I sit on one of my balls. Oh, that's terrible. Oh, yeah. Where are we? Sitting on your dick. Well, I won't be sitting on my dick. I'll be sitting on your dick. Every once in a while, I sit on one of my balls. Oh, that's terrible. Oh, it hurts. It hurts. Yikes. That's what I want to do. You need new underwear, I'm telling you. Well, the support, you know, like those undies with the support in there and lift those balls up and separate and keep them up there. So, anyway.

All right. Enough with the support in there and lift those balls up and separate and keep them up there so anyway all right enough with the underwear talk yeah okay are we signing off or what all right thank you all right and don't forget sit on a dick We'll see you next time.