How Many is too Many sex toys?

Transcript

This program contains strong sexual content. No one under the age of 18 is permitted to listen to or download the podcast in any manner. The host, guest, and performers all over the age of 18. Rebroadcasting this podcast in any manner is strictly prohibited without the written consent of the owners of the Hot White Podcast. The commentary of this program is the sole opinion of its hosts or guests. It does not reflect that of the opinion of the Hot White Podcast's owners, agents, or representatives. This podcast is not meant to be taken as professional advice.

Hi, this is Donna Lynn, and welcome to my Hot White Podcast, where we discuss all the good, the bad, and the really erotic of the swinger lifestyle. Hello, everybody. This is Donna Lynn. I'm looking at my husband, waiting for some kind of snarky remark from him. No, nothing today. It was the last show. It's a whole new show. You never know. I never know with you. I never know. So I'm like, okay, I'm looking at you, and I'm like, is he going to do something? After 20 years of marriage, aren't you used to that you can't expect something? You don't? You never know. After 20 years, I saw him.

That oh totally totally it's frightening yeah it keeps you excited doesn't it oh yeah that's one way of putting it not what i would say but okay well yeah keeps me guessing that's for sure it's like i'm always like walking on eggshells like okay what is he gonna do next what is he gonna do to torment me oh that's such horseshit you've never been happier so i tell you oh yeah just keep giving me the drugs keep giving me the drugs and uh a dog's gonna be a pain in the ass now of course that's because he just started to go out just started the podcast so of course he's gonna be Yeah.

A pain in the ass. Yep. So, um, we want to uh let's first let's get the business out of the way the spunk lube okay so why don't you plug down i'm gonna quick get him a treat to shut him up okay well everybody i definitely recommend spunk lube because i have used it, you know, guys with really big dicks and they have to stick it in my orifices. And sometimes you really need a lubricant to get it in there. So I recommend Spunk Lube because it doesn't get sticky. It doesn't have a real flavor.

So if I want to do oral, like after I have his dick and whatever orifice i put it into you're not going to be affected by the the taste of it because there is no taste it's non-sticky it's non-sticky i really like the new one they have out the organic one with the organic coconut oil and the avocado oil i even use it after a bath because it really keeps in the moisture in my skin especially now it's winter time and it works better than baby oil works better than uh other coconut oils i've used so i even use it like after a shower so i use it for more than just a lubricant because it it works it's a good product period it's a great product but you know you can't say that about wd-40 right it's a great product for some things but not for a lubricant not for a personal lubricant you're not going to shave your legs with it no no i can do that with spunk it's going to have a taste oh yeah and a smell but so go to spunklube.com and uh you know select some things and when you get to the checkout area, put in the discount code.

Put in hotwife, all one word, and you'll get 10% off. Or if you go to our website, hotwifepodcast.com, there will be a banner there you can click on for Spunkloob, and that will automatically take you to the website and apply the 10% discount. So you can't go wrong. You can't go wrong with that. Anyway, we talked about this on the last show. It was a little something that came up with. Thank you. Thank you. Bye- discount. You can't go wrong with that. Anyway, we talked about this on the last show. It was a little something came up with. I don't remember exactly how it came up.

When we talked about it on the last show, our friend Jay sent us a couple videos with her toy chest. Not her chest, just her toys.

box not her collection her collection okay toy collection so is is there such a thing as too many sex toys for men and women let's put that way i was just going to say women but let's go with men and women this is my short show no no such thing all right we're done okay okay topic covered we're out of here we're out of here so um absolutely not because there's so many different varieties and you're gonna have your favorites i have my favorites but i remember when i was doing the bachelor parties i had a duffel bag full of toys oh you did you had to have i swear i gotta be 40 different fucking toys nothing weighed more than a fucking fucking five-year-old kid and then a couple of toys would go off as i'm carrying it into the party just the whole bag i remember that that was hysterical yeah but uh are great.

So, okay, so how many toys do you think you have? I would estimate 15? Probably around there. And, you know, there's always room for more. Where do you mean that? How do I mean that? Where are they going to fit? I don't know. You're chipping teeth and you're blogging your hearing. I can't hear. I got vibrators in my ears. No, well, there's ones that do different things, and then you find one that... What, they vibrate? Well, yeah, but they vibrate in different ways, or some are more comfortable than others. This one vibrates up and down. This one vibrates sideways.

This one, back back to front this one front to back yeah they okay i'm just asking different things or sometimes they you'll like a certain um material that it's made of like some are a little more flexible and you might like that better some are a little more firm and i don't i don't like them as much they're still good i mean well well let's go over what is your favorite or if you could design let's go over what's your favorite how's that what's your favorite toy you have and and what about it makes it your favorite this is going to sound awful because it's it is a no frills plain old-fashioned vibrator.

It's that red one. It still uses batteries. Okay, but it's a dildo-shaped. Yeah, it's a tino-shaped. For me, you sit there and say to me, the old-fashioned, I think the old white fucking torpedo. Oh, no, no. To me, that's the original vibrator. Yeah, that really is. And you say traditional, I mean, I'm thinking the old white fucking looks like an elephant trunk. Yeah. Not trunk, elephant tusk kind of a thing. Very nondescript. Doesn't have a lot of personality. They weren't. They were tried and true. Yeah. Well, this one has like a little bit of a slight arch to it.

It has a penis shape, not a really big penis shape, but it's really comfortable. I i mean it just fits in any orifice anytime i want you know it's not like i have to let's make let's clarify too this is what you like this is what i like there's plenty women who like i know you're not a fan of the glass dildos no i hate them okay you like i said you're not a there are women that are i know there's men that are too i guess you know but you know just saying And said, you're not a fan. There are women that are. I know. And there's men that are, too, I guess.

Just saying, just because you're not a fan doesn't mean they're not good. It just means that's not your taste. Yeah, it's like, you know, I don't like Scrapples. You like the – most people in this country don't know Scrapple. Okay. People around the world don't know Scrapple. You have to be a Pennsylvanian. It's a Philadelphia thing. It's definitely a Philadelphia thing. But anyway, you say olives. Okay, I'll go.

country don't know scrapple okay people around the world don't know scrapple you have to be a pennsylvania it's a philadelphia thing um but anyway um you say olives okay olives everybody can associate with olives but anyway um so you know you like the fact that it so if you do insertion has a penis feel to it sort of yeah and it's it's kind of um not it's flexible but not too flexible has a little give to it so it's kind of nice like i found the glass ones first of all the shape was i i that little arch they're all different they make glasses in all different shapes the one i had it was real pretty it was really pretty it was like had blue in it visually visually it looks It's erotic watching somebody with it yeah visually um looks very elegant yeah it looks kind of yeah futuristic it looks kind of very you know but yeah okay but it does but you you're not a dildo type woman no i find dildos really boring they look cool whether they're a thing you stuff in your pussy or somebody laying next to you they're dildo they're not really entertaining exactly it's true on all those fronts yes that's true hey wait you call me a dildo wait a minute i call you a douchebag dude oh it's different okay love.

Yeah. That's done with love. Where's that mute button? Yeah, I wish I liked them because they look really cool. Like, I forget where I got that one glass when I gave it away to somebody. Oh, did you? Yeah, I'm like, I don't know. I haven't seen that in years. Yeah, that's why because I gave it away. I forget who I was with and they're like, yeah, I feel like, here, take it. Okay. Wash it first, but I might try. It was cold. I don't like cold. I would think you'd almost have to, yeah, like. Put it in a warm water. Warm water or something first, yeah. Or use it during the summer. Yeah.

Oh, you know what I liked? And they're very short-lived because they're very hard to maintain. Remember those? They used to call them real skin. Real skins, yeah. And I one in my my dildo bag and another black dildo or i think it was like a double-headed dildo some black dildo or vibrate or whatever is leaning up against it whatever it just not only discolored it but it actually ate into the real skin so there was this giant tells you on the real packaging that you you need to maintain it with certain cleaners and everything else. And they only do have a lifespan. Pardon me.

A lifespan of so long. Right. They can only take so much cleaning. Abuse. Abuse. In your case, yeah. Yeah. So I was really, I was so disappointed because it didn't, it didn't just discolor it, which I could have overlooked, but it actually ate, it like ate into it. It actually eroded, eroded like this big divot in it. And I was like, oh, that's, then it got like kind of sticky and gross. It tended to get, they break down and then they become sticky. It becomes more like more like a dildo made of glue or something. Yeah, but at the time, it was like that was all the rage.

Everybody was in the real skin. Yeah, I mean, it's as close as you're going to get to at the time. I mean, you know, something that felt like a human being, you know? Yeah. And, you know. That's true. So, all right, so, you know, for you, vibration is important so all right so you know for you vibration is important yeah i like the vibration vibration makes me come really quick size you prefer average like the size of an average man yeah size isn't quite like five six inches 10 12 inches you know something in the size of a gallon of milk, diameter. Something like that. An elephant's trunk.

55-gallon barrel, something like that. Something small, just average. Something that most women can take. I don't want a tiny little bullet thing because that's kind of... Well, the bullets are fun.

If you're on the what it is it's like yeah you know when you're driving my cars oh i want to come you know you only got you know you're on the airplane flying someplace and it's like well i don't want to you know got to get it through uh you know security i gotta rub one off they used to have those bullets that look like a um uh lipstick lipstick they still have them do these i thought that was a thing was a thing in the pants. I think it's kind of a giveaway, though. When it goes to your x-ray and it shows a battery. What kind of lipstick is that? Well, it's self-applying.

Yeah, self-warming and applying. Now she wants to go out. Of course not. She wants to go out.

But, yeah, it's, yeah, so you like vibrating by but you know what when they go through like all the different patterns i'm very traditional i just want consistent vibration don't do the that then stop or then you know different patterns all the patterns i find them annoying yeah i get that you know i just give you consistency i mean it's a nice idea i love going through them i think it's fun but i i can't i can't i'd love to see the study on that like okay how many women like steady pattern versus a pulsating like a tease right or you know it sounds cool but then when i'm doing it i get really impatient it's like no that's not what i want then i have to go through them all then i you know kind of like interrupts my my my game you know it kind of interrupts what i want to do so yeah okay um sucks so so you have 15 toys we'll say right now yeah something like that i mean you've had more at one point when you were doing parties and stuff.

So if you could design the perfect toy. Oh, now we're going to go into designing. That's frightening. Okay. What, I mean, like if you were going to be a toy manufacturer, okay, and I'm going to step away from the mic and let the dogs out real quick. Of course, because they're really being annoying.

So you have to fill this time so what what would be the if you had to satisfy like design a toy right and what are your expectations for the toy okay well of course i want that that kind of um i would love a toy that would be warm that would be really nice and i want that consistent vibration and maybe i'd like to be able to make it so it could i've seen toys do this where they actually have this the sucker that actually suck on your clip but they're not very good so i'd like to improve on that i've had i have one that kind of like pounds on your clit and it's okay but i think the suction will be better and that i don't know if i would want that to be consistent suction i might want that like intermittent and then i want a toy that would actually squirt like emit some kind of warm liquid into me when i'm ready to come like i could have like a little button and okay i'm ready to come and you know and it squirts this liquid into me i think that would be really nice but i would love that what else would i want i want something that's also very pliable but not too pliable something that's kind of silky feeling but not like skin um but i you also what's that express like you like the toys that haven't been successful but you would you design it where it would be able to deliver like a warm load that's what i was just talking about taking the dogs out i want something to be warm and then like when you're ready to come you have like a button that it could release like a warm spunk loop spunk loop or fluid or something You know, so you get that sensation of, which I love cream pies.

That's my like my go-to you know you wash that like ooze out of you and you're like oh yeah now do you like the toys um that like let you do both vaginal and anal at the same time you have one or two or had one it kind of sucks i had another one i liked better i think it died i don't know what happened to it actually the one i have maybe well this one it's too i hate to use the word flaccid but it is it's got like anal beads on one side and a dildo on the other so it's shaped like a y and it And it's got, it's like a great idea, but, like, to get the anal beads in, it's too pliable.

Designing, like, an R would be difficult, or a T. A T, an S. An F. An F. Well, an F might work better than a Y. An A or B. But it's, like. It doesn't work. I'm going through the whole alphabet. But it's shaped like a Y because it has a handle. And then on one side, it's like A. You're going in two holes that are close to each other. That would form a V or a Y. Well, I think. It's on an M. I think an F would be better. That would be an F. Well, or maybe like a U. Oh, a U. Something shaped like a U. The new ones are U's. Are they? Oh, yeah. I haven't used one of those.

Jay actually has the one that's a U kind of thing. Thank you. Oh, a U, something shaped like a U. The new ones are U's. Are they U's? Oh, yeah. I haven't used one of them. Jay actually has the one that's a U kind of thing. See, somebody caught on to it. Jay's got some pretty cool, I have to show you the videos. I know you've been busy lately. Yeah, that work thing gets in the way of my fun thing. She has one that goes down to a real, real thin point. Yeah, I've seen them.

Yeah, for just giving that quit the attention it might deserve or want hmm interesting i'd have to do more research on that one sometimes um clitoral stimulation when it's too focused you kind of it becomes too intense too intense to the point that it becomes desaturated it becomes not desaturated it comes um what's the word i'm looking for i don't know uh when you do something too much it desensitizes desensitized i'm sorry that's the word i was looking for not desaturated it's it's the graphics on my brain here yeah it becomes desensitized and then you don't get that sensation at all you're like oh i was right there and but now it's like numb so i have to really care about how much direct stimulation all my clit that i i do to myself or somebody does to me because it's gets overboard and then it's like something you haven't done okay let me i don't want to say it too soon um like one of the things, like you heard the past, like back when you were dancing, like girls would say, oh, I'm going to have vibrated, my boyfriend so my husband thinks that I'm going to be, that they're going to be replaced or whatever.

Yeah, they're going trying okay it's easier to blame somebody for something else so well to say so i have been with i have been with you know more than one woman that never had an orgasm during sex right um with another person they had them with a vibrator masturbation but they never had them with another person and i was like the first one to give them orgasms and they were like yeah you know totally astounded so there are guys that aren't um astute into giving their partner an orgasm well maybe either a they just don't know what their partner really needs or i don't know maybe their skill set isn't that they don't they They don't bring their A-game.

Yeah. They're not trying or don't know how to or whatever. Well, then, you know, okay, then use the vibrator on her. Well, that's where we're going. Use it as a tool. So I'm going to go let the dogs in. Of course, because they're so freaking annoying. We have to get that studio done.

I swear to God, I'm going to call the drywall guy right tonight and but um get it done yeah but um talk about like how we have used or you have used a vibrator when you're when you're having sex either with me or somebody else and how it it adds to it sure that's that's a that's no-brainer I mean sometimes it's like i know what spot needs to be hit and if i can just like you know sometimes it's really nice if you just have a toy like by the side of the bed like right there just quick grab it because i don't want to be you know getting up and moving around trying to find my toy so have it handy then if you really want it it's right there and i can put on my clit like if he's doing me doggie you know i can either play with my clit with my finger or with a vibrator and sometimes if it's if i can um get it back far enough he can feel the vibration when his dick is inside of me from the vibrator that's all my clit now if i'm really adventurous i could be riding him and either a put the vibrator up my butt and he can feel the vibration through my you know in well he can feel the vibration that vibrate up my ass and my pussy so that's kind of a nice sensation and and toys toys are a tool i mean use them i mean there's all kinds of things out there that you can do you know vibrators can be not just on your clit and in your pussy and on your ass, but maybe on your nipples.

There's one guy I liked. He wanted a vibrator on his balls. Yeah. It hurts me personally. But, you know, some guys like it. Some guys might want you to put the vibrator in your ass. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a tool. I mean, I don't think that a guy... Well, it's a toy. Let's use it as a toy. But it's a tool. It's a tool for an orgasm. Well, my vibrator's broken, so I got a crescent wrench, because that's a tool also. And I put that up his ass. Oh, interesting. I adjusted the crescent wrench. I fit it around his testicles, and I tightened him up. Don't even go. Some people might think.

Whatever they want to do. I'm not condoning that. It is a toy, but it could be used as a tool to achieve an orgasm. It's there for you to use. And I don't think guys should be intimidated by it. No, it's like, hey, I can't do it, but you know what? If I'm helping and I'm using it on you, I still get credit for it. Well, it doesn't matter. If you're having sex with a woman or whatever, and you have her or you hold it on her, quit while you're fucking her, or you rub it on her feet, like massage her feet. Oh, my God. I didn't even think about that until now.

We're talking my domain here domain here bitch you know rub it on her feet or rub it on her nipples i said nipples you know um you know just um just gently rub it over her body on the inside of her thighs while you fuck her doesn't have to be on her pussy no rub it on the inside of her thighs near her pussy teaser's on her pussy, you know, you get residual vibrations, which can feel good. That's what I was saying too. Depending what kind of person you're with, you might be able to put it in her ass. Didn't I just say that? Did I not say that? I was, I was, I know.

You're right on, we're on the same wavelength. Yeah, where you have your dick in ass, and she puts it in her pussy. Yeah, exactly. Either way. Either one, you know, swapsies, whatever. Swapsies. Yeah, because you get that residual vibration, which is kind of cool. Yeah, I agree. We're around the same page, Mr., same page here. Oh, that's so scary. It is frightening, isn't it? But, you know, and there's all sorts of toys. I mean, there's the dildos. There's the glass dildos. There's, you know, the standard vibrators. There's the vibrators that are rabbits.

There's the dildos there's the glass dildos there's you know the standard vibrators there's the vibrators that are rabbits there's the butterflies oh yeah i used to have uh which are meant more for you to wear while you're being fucked yep mine wasn't a butterfly it was a lady bug well whatever same shit same shit same bug it's a fucking bug that didn't have its wings Oh, I'm sorry. Mine was a cockroach. Yeah, well, that'd be more appropriate. Mine wasn't. Same bug. It's a fucking bug that didn't have its wings out. I'm sorry, mine was a cockroach. Yeah, well, that'd be more appropriate.

Mine was a tick. It was a crab. It was a crab. And I didn't have pubic hair, but I had his biggest fucking crab. I had his biggest fucking crab. It's like, I don't know if I want that one. Fuck me while I have my crab on. What? No, that's nice, bitch. No, that's nice. That's funny. Yeah, mine wouldn't be something cute like a ladybug or butterfly. Mine would be a fucking scorpion. And now you have that new toy that has the, like, quit pounder. Yeah, I still have to get used to that. And, you know, the G-Spot thumper.

You know, I mean, they're, you know, it's amazing what they're coming out with. And now they got the, you know, a whole series of men's toys. Yeah, oh, my God. It's gone beyond the fleshlight or whatever. You know, they didn't have.

Use l them please yes read the instructions otherwise your dick's gonna get rude rash just saying a friend told me yeah we went over that um but um yeah i mean you know and now um um like the the people who we have their toys on our website if you want to see them go to hot wife podcast at gmail at hot wife podcast.com i'm sorry um long day we have a toy story yeah it has been um and in there it's love sense and they have toys for men that are remote controlled the women can control they have the toys for women that men can control or somebody else can control and then they have the toys that as the men and women can both enjoy as someone controls them so that's interesting you know it's a whole new whole new remote control sex thing i i mean i you know it makes that virtual sex thing much more intriguing than just doing a zoom call or you know i mean if you have a long distance thing i guess it might work but i i me personally i just have that would that's definitely a yeah oh yeah for that i mean of course i wouldn't be giving out that code to just anybody well no you don't no it's generated each time i thought that'd be great otherwise somebody gets wise be like hey i wonder what she's doing right now let's just let's just yeah i'm just gonna talk with some kid happens to hit some code it's like a fucking infant playing in the high chair with his mom's phone hitting the button meantime he's making some woman across the country orgasm oh honey that was the best orgasm ever oh never mind but no I don't know again we talked about this the other week as a man I personally and it's all I can speak to you're happy with your hand i'm happy with my hand do you know what the sex toy that i would consider is that i use your brain okay well that's not really a toy it's barely no well yeah but yes and all that in a sense's porn.

People don't count pornography as a sex toy. Oh, you know, that's that visual stimulation. That accounts for something. I'm able to fulfill my fantasy by watching it and buying into whatever they're trying to sell me. Right, right. And that it gives me the arousal level I may or may not want. That's a good point. Yeah. I mean, people don't realize that pornography is a sex toy. Yeah, it is. It's definitely a, yeah, you could call it a sex toy.

And again, you know, as much as a lot of people are against pornography, in some ways it's a good thing because people can live out that fantasy without going out and maybe doing something they shouldn't do. And I'm not saying child pornography should be allowed or bestiality should be allowed. I'm not saying that at all. That's all disgusting stuff. But if a gentleman or whoever wants to fantasize about, let's say, an Asian woman, he can watch a video with an Asian woman and satisfy his urge. He doesn't have to go out and try to do something illegal.

Right, right just leave it at that you know as an example when we talked about prostitution that was kind of you you know we've talked about how people in a relationship want something with their mate but their mate's not willing to do it whether it be swinging or whether threes and foursome gang bang whatever but but again you can sit there and go find a video of a wife getting gangbang and just fantasize it's your wife as an example, even though your wife doesn't want to even touch you. Hint, hint. But, no, I wasn't saying you. Oh, no, not your other wife, yeah.

I didn't say anything about any of my wives i'm just saying in general these guys you know um yeah okay but um you know so pornography i call him a douchebag but um you know people don't count that pornography is a sex toy women enjoy it too they masturbate to it they live their fantasy there's women who think it might be fun to play with another woman or watch you know and they don't actually want to do it but they can watch it and feel safe that's the nice thing about it is that it does create a safe environment that you can experience that event without actually doing it and putting yourself in that predicament.

Yeah, it's a very safe environment. Yeah, you know, and... It makes sense. Wow, it made sense. Oh, yeah, in this case, you did. Wow. Motto. I'll try not to do that again yeah that could be dangerous but yeah all those things are are really creating an environment that you can achieve pleasure is is is so important and and toys and visual stimulation it's so It's all a part of it. And there's so much tied into toy play, I guess I'll put it that way. You could be an exhibitionist with it. Right.

You know, you could be, yeah, you could live that role of the, like, oh, my God, if people knew how dirty I am with myself with this toy.

you know i go to church or whatever and i i'm up front and i pretend to be the holier than thou but when i'm home i am abusing the shit out of my pussy with these toys you know or whatever if my my husband doesn't even know i have these toys or whatever you know what i mean whatever that it enables you to fulfill some level of um potential fantasy i guess no that'll be a fantasy eroticism that would be a better word eroticism sure sure you know and you know a toy isn't going to uh well okay let's say it's less likely. Not going to turn you down? Exactly. It less likely to disappoint you.

Well, that's the nice thing about masturbation in general. You get the sex you want. Yeah, in a way, yeah. If you sit there and say, okay, I want to do a threesome, whether it be a man or a woman. Right. You close your eyes, you masturbate, and you think about your threesome. You just had a threesome. But it's like the perfect threesome.

It's not like the one where you get cramps in your quads back's killing me it's kind of warm in this room it's too warm so you're sweating the dogs are barking in the other room I gotta hurry to get home for the kids whatever fantasy is always better than reality I wish it was different But, you know it's like fantasy is always better than sure i mean i wish it was different but um you know that's so that's where toys i mean so what do you think getting back to the original title of the show is how many are too many sex toys how many do you think in all honesty how many sex toys do you think you need to have if you could pick okay you have let's pretend you have no sex toys and you're going to go into an adult bookstore would you and not you don't have to pay for any of you can have whatever the fuck you want would you buy all of them or get all of them or would you sit there and go well really this one's all i need and that one's all i need and that one i would need three i would say probably i don't know 30 okay there's no right or wrong answer there's just say between 15 and 30 because you know you get one you get one that's a a style then there's also multiples that are like slightly different but only one of that style is probably fine.

But then you, like, can lead on to the, like, that torso thing I have with the dick. Even that's a toy. I wish it did more. It doesn't do anything. It's, like, just, like, a torso with a penis on it. That's what you say I am, too. He just lays there. Yeah. You know, it doesn't do anything. Doesn't talk, I just lay there. You know, they took that.

Make a couple little noises when you bounce up down on it oh yeah it does i have this torso and it's a it has this dick on it it's kind of cool i wanted to use it it's a dildo with a torso yeah that's what i call it but it has like a wire in the penis so when i'm riding it it makes this click noise it's almost freighting it's almost like riding a horse no no no so you ever like snap your fingers it's almost like that noise that you do when you crack your knuckles it's almost like that noise except more metallic now if you can take that torso and actually make the penis vibrate and do something more than just be this flaccid lump of rubber?

Is that like a torso of an epileptic? Yeah. and actually make the penis vibrate and do something more than just be this flaccid lump of rubber. So be like a torso for epileptic? Oh, now we're talking. See, that torso's got so much more possibilities. But that's you. Not everybody needs that. Yeah, I know. There are plenty of women who just like these suction cup dildos. You hate them with the passion. Oh, God. They look so cool, but there's so nothing going on there. I mean, I suction cupped it to every fucking surface I could. Well, not even just a dildo.

It doesn't matter if it's a suction cup or not. You just don't enjoy dildos. One company was sending you toys. They sent you a dildo. And they sent you a dildo, and you told them, this is not my gig. I really don like these and all of a sudden they don't send you anything yep too bad i'm being honest i gave him a review i gave him a good review but truthfully it did not float my boat it did not do anything for me it's like and it's like you know back in the stone age where the first dildo was a piece of rock this is now do you know that you in? Shut up. Fuck you. I hate your guts.

I hate you so much. No, I mean, that's, you know, the first. It was handed down from my great grandmother. And I got it when I was. Born smooth now. I got that for a graduation guest from high school. And then the Tyrannosaurus Rex died off. Yep. That's exactly what happened. You read that in my yearbook. Diary, it was carved in stone. Yeah, but it's... Diary. God, it was heavy to carry that fucking thing around. Jesus Christ. My diary weighed about 200 pounds. That's only because you added pictures to it. It took a long time to carve those pictures in, let me tell you. Fucking footstones.

Yeah, but I just, yeah, it was just not a pleasant experience for me. But that's you. Yeah, that is me. You know, it could have been. From what I've seen, they don't make like bigger diameter vibrators. They make bigger diameter dildos. Right, right. So women who want or that are a more of a size queen. Right. They're going to be more dildo driven.

Maybe i guess i've i've gotten some pretty big vibrators or vibrator not really not too big not girthy wise no well there's uh i have that pink one i know i don't think you're supposed to insert it but i i have but i don't think you're supposed to yeah okay just saying and then like the toshiba ones you're not supposed to insert them that's all clitoral stimulation even though mine's not very strong it's still pretty decent you add that with a another vibrator you're onto something yeah well i can't speak to the male toys i never had the i need desire or want to have one or put my dick in a piece of fucking appliances i think they're interesting i i don't i i worry about how messy they get you know i would i would think again let's pretend i was gay because i'm not But i actually think the motion of a man masturbating would be more erotic than watching him put his dick in a piece of pvc pipe um yes i'll agree with that but the person that's masturbating what it's not about who's watching It's about who's what it feels i understand that but again um if you can get a toy that set that felt like a woman's mouth on your dick sucking you that would be pretty awesome again they have those pseudo mouths yeah again i don't know it has to be hot.

It has to be wet. It has to be, you know, all those things. I'm blessed with the ability to have that whenever I want. Basically. Within reason. Between you and others. Others, yeah, exactly. You know, it's not necessarily. Yeah, it's a, what night is this? Who's on duty tonight? They called in sick. Don't worry about it. I hate it when they do that. That means I have to. It's terrible. No, it's just, I don't know. I think it's pretty erotic to have a male toy that with, it's like a mouth, but it gets warm and it's wet. A male toy that? A male, a toy for men. For males. Yeah, for men.

Okay, well, you said it was like a male toy. So, in other words, it could be a man's mouth that sucks in... Which, I'm sure they have those that suck a man's dick, so I'm sure. It could have, like, little whiskers on it. It has a, you know, 70s porn stash on it. Oh, that would be interesting. Okay, there's a mouth for a man. Yeah, they have them. Yeah. But it has to be warm. That warmth is what I... Well, I guess you could microwave it. I don't know. Microwave it. You could burn the shit out of your dick with that. I mean, you could probably soak it in warm water or something.

Hot water or something. But I don't know. See, that's what makes it... But now, also, with that rubbery, it's going to grip more. Use spunk glue. Yeah, as you should. I'm just saying. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, there's what makes it. But now also with that rubbery, it's going to grip more. Use spunk lube. Yeah, as you should. I'm just saying. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, there's so many toys that I could be improved upon just by adding some kind of heat. Spunk lube. And spunk lube and, yeah, some kind of wetness, some kind of.

Well, hopefully they do because, you know, with the latex or whatever it is that's built with these things man if it if it grips if it grabs your grips your cock or your pussy it can hurt you yeah oh yeah we've seen the results of that so it could be it's rude rash yeah i mean but um yeah no so so your opinion there is not too many toys you can have? There's never too many. Come on, never. I don't know. I mean, so you have 15. How many, of the 15, how many do you use that much? Three? My old faithful, yeah. Three? Yeah, three or four of them.

So, you got 12 sitting on the shelf like you know third stringers well depends on like what's available what's handy what's charged well it depends on the scenario and the scenario i mean if you're playing with someone and going to use a viber you're going to pick a different one than you do if you're going to be solo right exactly i'm not going to use the old g-spot banger one because that's not going to be that's like okay i'm not going to work oh then you have you have you used to you used to have anal beads that vibrated i did they did die boohoo sucks to be me you know that was more like a they weren't anal beads they were actually they were i want to say more like a wand.

They were stiff. Well, they weren't stiff. They did flex. Yeah, but they were firmer. The wand flexed. It wasn't like they. But it wasn't, they weren't beads, per se, like on a string. They were. They were molded. Yeah. So they were more rigid. Beads, for lack of a better terminology. Yeah, but they really weren't. I loved them. And then I got a second pair that was like, for me, the ball size was important. Yes, it is, baby. Well, only because I wanted to graduate enough that it could, you know, I wouldn't be sticking this giant baseball in my fucking ass to start with. They were smaller.

That was then. This is now. That's true. I could probably handle the second one. I call him Louisville. Louisville, like the slugger. Well, yeah, that one died, and I got a replacement thinking it was the same, and the balls were bigger, and it just didn't fit in well. They were also different shaped. They were more, like, oval-shaped, and I just didn't know. It looks like you're asking me a question, and I can't help you.

help you yeah you're on your own i never tried them i i thought maybe you might have remembered well don't look the same to you of course yeah what's the difference how many toys have i seen you use oh man all of them all of them yeah you know the purple one they're all purple the newest the newest toy is the only one that really sticks out of my head for the simple fact that it's got that fucking G-spot thumper. Oh, my God. Yeah, that one was weird. I could not get the... I walked around with a damn thing. It wouldn't even come out of my pussy. It was like... It liked where it was.

I don't know what to tell you. I was like, this is ridiculous. Most toys, if I put them in, they're going to slide out. They're not going to get stuck in there and be like, I can't get this one out. This would beat the shit out of your pussy and made it swell up. I'm staying. I don't know what was going on with that. That was weird. It wasn't that girthy. It just, like, just got in there. Like, maybe it's, like, I don't know, weird material, weird shape, weird arch. And it just stuck there.

It was like, I can't get this out of my pussy now it worked so i don't think you can work into that that is definitely not for enough so for you know okay so with your toys if you're if you're and you don't do this because you don't need to oh okay yeah you know how i'll ask you this question i mean i know the answers how often do you masturbate now i know i don't have to i never yeah okay never okay i'm horny i've been there oh my mouth is ready oh i'm here right here or hold on i got somebody on speed dial he's coming right over to fuck you i don't okay so if you're going to go in there masturbate what would be the toy you'd use right now?

Ah. Hmm. Probably just one. I don't need to. Okay, so if you were going to go in there and masturbate, what would be the toy you'd use right now? Oh. Hmm. Probably just one of my rabbits. There was a rabbit one that I liked that's pretty nice. What would you be thinking about while you masturbate? Oh, I see. I always got the, I have like certain fantasies that you know that are very. Yeah, I know, but I'm saying tell. It's a dirty couch dance fantasy that's been my thing now. It's not the kiss the girl's fantasy where I'm abducted.

it's a dirty couch dance fantasy has been my thing now it's not the kiss the girls fantasy where i'm abducted couch dance okay yeah yeah that's yeah i have some people like i talk about like how when i used to when you and i were just friends and i bounced the bachelor parties and they didn't go to that level right we didn't do extras right there was no extras you just teased right exactly so we did girl girl stuff but that was it yeah you performed in front of the guys yeah you didn't perform with the guys not really no you didn't play in something you didn't well no dicks came out of their pants exactly oh when i made myself into the uh banana split i did dick still didn't come out no but their face was in my other other pants your dicks never came out of their pants i agree yes absolutely so now with your dirty couch dancing it's a different story i can be a little more dirty in your in the fantasy yeah you know maybe i'll you know explore that in real life who somebody, you know, we can reenact it.

It won't be the same. It won't be the same as being an actual couch dancer. One of my problems, one of many. You have so many problems. If I was going to masturbate to porn, I sit there and I critique the videos. Oh, that's the problem with it. Yeah. You know, I've been shooting for so long with photography and video. I look at these videos and... That's the problem. And again, okay, here comes a spoiler alert. So let's pretend you go to some place like Pornhub. Right. And let's say it's a fake massage video. It's a massage video. Right, right.

Like, oh, that this girl walks into a massage parlor and winds up getting fucked by this guy oh that happens all the time yeah well yeah it could but for them to put the video out there it has to have a release signed by the woman who got fucked right it has to has to have proof of ID to prove her age. Right. Proof of her holding the release that she signed it. So it's not spontaneous. It really wasn't spontaneous. You're watching a fantasy. So with that said, sorry to ruin it for you, but just go with the fantasy. Yeah.

I mean, the ones with mother step daughter step step whatever same thing yeah there aren't that many step things out there really aren't but um but no i i know there's a one out of czechoslovakia or whatever you know that is a uh a massage thing it's a good looking guy and he massages these beautiful women and stuff and winds up fucking them you know and it's just like to post any of that stuff you have to provide proof of id and of age and release and so you know they have like the fake taxi cab driver thing and the fake audition they had to sign they know what's going on it's all but lives a fantasy yeah and for me again since i shoot so much of that shit it's like nah it's not erotic i know it's all bullshit like i said there's only one i found very erotic and i found it on pornhub but it was that couple and hansel and gretel uh no gretel and gretel and yeah it different.

yeah they just flipped it that was really erotic the lighting was nice the the camera angles were nice you also did you like that hot husband vince thing oh yeah the hot husband vince i found on pornhub yeah that's the one you just can't stop masturbating that one right you listen to his podcast at all oh yeah he says he listens all the time. It's the number one podcast. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, the Hot Husband podcast is the number one. Of course it is. How could it not be? What's the last year about? Nothing, dear. It's absolutely the number one. Why did I marry him? Okay. Alcohol.

Yeah, a lot of alcohol was a bomb. But, yeah, I mean, to answer your question about the toys, as many as you need. Yeah. There is no right or wrong answer. There's just a curiosity.

What do you think is like, okay, you know, if you had had three toys would that be enough or would you want more if you had 10 toys would that be enough or would you want more there's just one quick aside to it when i see toys it's like oh that'd be really cool because my toy doesn't do this and then you know this toy does and then you get it and it's like sometimes it just doesn't quite reach it like i wanted that Remember Remember I got that, it's a dildo, but I wanted to do it because I wanted to do like a blowjob type thing. So I got this dildo and it squirted.

I thought, oh, what a great idea. It doesn't squirt great. It squirts water, but do you have anything thicker than spunk lube, I had to really water down the spunk. Depends what you're looking for. Yeah, I wanted a visual. I wanted something that was different. I was like, well, that's not working for me. All right. Sometimes you just keep buying toys in the hope of finding the ultimate toy. And that's why I buy bourbon. Looking for the ultimate bourbon? It's the same thing. That tastes good, but I bet you that one one tastes better. That, that's exactly what's like.

You know what, that one was okay, but that one tastes better, I bet. That one wasn't so good, but this one should taste better. You just keep buying. It is very much like bourbon because there's bourbons that have more of a woody, woody taste or smoky taste. You're going to try tart bourbon to me. But it's the same kind of thing. You have toys that are kind of like, well, this one has a nice texture and it's just flexible enough but it doesn't like vibrate the way I want it to vibrate. Here's the difference. Keep trying different things. No matter how many toys you have.

There's never going to be enough. I'm never going to be attractive to you. Shut up. No matter how much bourbon I drink, you're always going to be hot to me. Oh, that's a difference.

Well, that's probably a good way to end this show again if you have any emails you want to send to us talk about shows, have a topic, share jokes Wayne, I can't thank Wayne enough he keeps sending me a couple jokes a week that make me smile and laugh they're pretty good and I've had a bunch a bunch of vodka tonight so i'm not gonna even try to read one of his jokes i'll get it next show um yeah it won't go off as well let me see i don't have my i don't have my glasses on so don't don't even try you're gonna be like what's that word no don't do it a bunch of emails from Janice Wayne.

It's going to be very cryptic. Hang on. Oh, wait. Oh, he has his glasses. Heaven forbid. Oh, my glasses. It was a good joke. Oh, sorry. It's a Michael Jackson joke. Oh, no. I don't think you should do it. Don't do it. We don't need the dead airspace. We don't need it. How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? I don't know how. The big hand is on the little hand. Oh. That's awful. Okay, that's terrible. That was pretty funny. The big hand is on the little hand.

That's terrible's terrible no he's got a bunch of he sent me it's yeah they're great let's see what's this one come on you're boring our listeners to death here mister hey the man uh man is flying at 30 000 feet when a stewardess wakes up and explains to him that they have to have just realized that they have left his wife at the airport on the tarmac. He turns to the stewardess and says, Thanks. Thank goodness. I thought I was going. I lost my hearing. I thought I lost your hearing.

See, i'm using my laptop monitor it's too small i usually have a big monitor hooked up to it so that's a tough part anyway um you want to email us share a joke share pictures um we read them share what's going on questions comments hotwifepodcasts at gmail.com um you want to see what and where donna is or who donna is doing oh i'm sorry i had to swallow my about time I'll see uh you can check me out at hotwife donnalyn.com and see who i'm doing and what i'm doing to whoever yeah whatever so again can't thank you all enough uh for listening um we ask you to uh you know share the podcast with a friend or two and add them to the listening and uh so i look forward to you know talking to you next time all right everybody have a good night.