In this laugh-out-loud episode of the Hot Wife Podcast, we dive headfirst into one of the most common (and hilarious) mistakes in the lifestyle—people who clearly did not read the profile before hitting “send.”From messages that ignore every listed boundary to guys asking for things that were literally ruled out in bold caps, we break down the funniest, most head-scratching inbox fails we’ve ever seen. We share real-world examples, talk about why reading the profile is basically step one (not step optional), and give some playful—but real—advice on how to actually make a good first impression.Spoiler alert: if her profile says “no single guys,” opening with “Hey, single guy here” is not the winning strategy you think it is. If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at a message and thought, “Did you even read anything?”—this episode is for you. Sit back, laugh with us, and maybe learn how not to be that person.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/hot-wife-podcast-and-the-swinger-lifestyle--5343522/support. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Transcript
Speaker1: this program contains strong sexual content. No one under the age of 18 is permitted to listen to or download this podcast in any manner. The host, guest, and performers are all over the age of 18. Rebroadcasting the podcast in any manner is strictly prohibited without the written consent of the owners of the Hot Wife podcast. The commentary of this program is the sole opinion of its host or guest and does not reflect that of the opinion of Hot Wife podcast owners, agents, or representatives. This podcast is not welcome to my Hot Wife Podcast. Speaker2: Yeah, what a hard time getting started there. Speaker3: Hi. Speaker1: Yeah, I'm still a little, I have a little frog in my throat. I still have that little cold or whatever's going on, so. Sorry, I'm a little gruff. Speaker2: You want a little cock in your throat? Speaker1: A little cock in my throat? Something like that, yeah. Speaker2: I can provide that. I'm not even going to go go there that's my problem nope yeah it's been a day huh it's been a day yeah get you know one day off in the middle of the week one day at the weekend and someone's gonna shit on my whole day day actually a couple people yep yep so it does happen sorry about that you weren't one of them oh i thought i was oh this time okie dokie day's not over yet yeah there's still some daylight i could be fucking up your day even more well we had to shoot that stupid video you You were not pleased about that. You know, these custom videos, these people with their fantasies, I just sit there and like, really? Oh, you're going to do this for two and a half minutes, and you have to wear this, and you have to say this. And then for five minutes, you're going to do this and say this. I've never had a fantasy that was that fucking exact. That choreographed? Well, the first video, we talked about this last week, the first video was really erotic to me. You're flogging me. Oh so good oh well you liked it yeah you're like yeah i don't get it but i'm like oh you're doing it just right you heard that everybody i actually did something right for once ah there you go yes you did i can't take that back i can't say i can't do anything right nope i can't say that ever again made you come, whatever you go. Yes, he did. I can't take that back. Now you can't say I can never do anything right. Nope, I can't say that ever again. Made you cum, whatever it was I was doing. Ah, yes, you did. That was awesome. That was amazing. Again, is there a bad orgasm? No. No, there's not. That one was exceptionally good. Well, the thing is I didn't, I wasn't sure if it was going to be that arousing to me. Was the question whether it'd be arousing with me doing it or someone else doing it? Oh, it was definitely arousing and you were doing it, but I also knew that you weren't really into it, so that kind of took some of it away. But I just basically said, well, he's doing a good job, so whatever you're doing, keep doing it. That's what I'm saying. Man, words you never say about anything else I do. Oh, shut up. Except my cooking. Oh, your cooking is wonderful. You do a lot of wonderful things. I didn't even go there. Anyway, so kind of sort of similar related topic for today's topic. Yes. Is read the profile. Here we go again. If you're on a Swinger website, read the profile all the way to the end. Even if you're on a dating profile. A dating profile, yep. I mean, do you just go buy a car because it looks pretty? I wouldn't, no. Yeah, you could read the whole thing, you know, have this beautiful-looking Corvette sitting there, and it's like, well, and then the description breaks down all the time. It needs a new motor. Yeah. The tires keep falling off. But the picture there is like beautiful. The seats are ripped, you know. There's a smell of fart. I can't get out of the seats. But the picture of the car is beautiful. You just don't see the interior. Oh, I want to buy your car. Oh, did you read the whole thing? Did you read the profile? I saw the pictures. It's gorgeous. You could put a profile up of a fictitious woman. Use an AI thing. Put a profile up. I'm pretty convinced of this. And, you know know she could have the most stunning ai body be realistic looking and and you could put in the profile oh loves to fuck has raging herpes um crabs out the ass uh you know she you know her penis just got removed you know the teeth are false she's gonna you know suck you with her gums and her one real tooth they'll never read that they'll never read it then they're like oh my god you're hot honey and even put in there not a real woman this is an ai thing so if you answer to this you're showing me you're stupid right right yeah oh man, you know, baby, I want to get with you. Did you read the profile?
Speaker4:
Nope.
Speaker3:
And again, we've had the same thing happen to us.
Speaker5:
Well, I guess that maybe the reality is setting in.
Speaker3:
We do, that happens a lot.
Speaker1:
That does happen a lot.
Speaker3:
Yeah, but we even met, the couple we're talking about,
Speaker1:
we actually met them, very nice couple. Very nice. Not trashing the couple we're talking about we actually met them very nice couple very nice i was kind of not trashing the couple no no yeah i thought they were both really hot i i thought they were delightful and i thought she was attractive i yeah he didn't do much for me yeah but she was like all like i'm wildly by i'm like oh goody this is gonna be so much fun and uh yeah And then we talked about how she's on another website and she posts all these pictures and videos of herself up there for free. For free. And we're like, well, why aren't you putting them up for content and selling them? That's an interesting idea. It's like, okay. I guess there's some people that I'm just, I guess they're so well- or so well off that they don't need extra money from my take on because they're traveling here and traveling there oh we just do it for fun it's like well i'm doing it for fun too but if i can double dip if i can multitask why not you know why not do it i can have fun for. Why not? It doesn't make any sense. Why would you do one without the other? It doesn't make any sense to me. When I had my photography business, I don't know if you remember, there was people that, like, well, you already have the camera and you have the skills. Just take my picture. Just take my picture for free. My time is worth something. Yeah. Why don't you take, oh, yeah, there was that one couple, that one bodybuilder couple, and you told them how much it was going to be and they're like oh that's too expensive for us it's like we have to drive to you yeah they were in the next day it over yeah had drive to them right and i used to get 125 an hour i was going to bill them 75 an hour that was you're losing money at that stage of the game yeah i had a camera that just the body of the camera was three grand right and that was back then then you have a 1500 hour lens on it yeah you know and then you know gas wear and tear on the car my time yeah my skill 125 dollars for an hour you can get a lot of charge them 75 but they thought that was, so $125, but that's very reasonable because, you know, you have all the equipment and the knowledge and everything else. Well, that's why I went out of business.
Speaker2:
Oh, the iPhone, yeah. The iPhone came out and everybody thinks they're a photographer.
Speaker1:
It's even worse now with AI. Oh, my goodness, yeah. You know, we need a model. You don't even, you just need a prompt. Yeah, it's funny how... But yeah, we've changed our profile, as an example,
Speaker2:
I'll see you next time. You don't even need a model. You don't even, you just need a prompt. Yeah, it's funny how. But yeah, we've changed our profile, as an example, on the Swinger site we're on. And the very first two sentences are, we are content creators. Do not contact us unless you are interested in being videotaped and have to sign a release. Well, it did diminish a lot of the emails we were getting.
Speaker1:
Yeah, thank goodness.
Speaker2:
But we still get some people, and this is kind of what the show is about, these people that reach out to us like, oh, man, I just had a gentleman today. Oh, my God, I am so hot for your wife. It's like, well, good. Are you hot enough to sign a release and be videoed?
Speaker1:
Crickets.
Speaker3:
It's like, really?
Speaker2:
Huh, I guess she didn't read.
Speaker1:
Thank you. It's like, well, good. Are you hot enough to sign a release and be videoed? Crickets. It's like, really? Huh. I guess you didn't read. I mean, I even put it there like it says in our profile. Like it says in our profile. Maybe he actually took his thumb out of his fucking ass and looked at the fucking red the fucking profile. He's like, duh, maybe I should have read something. I was just looking at pictures because I am not too good with those syllable things. Yeah, pretty much. I've got a pee-pee and I want to get it wet. I didn't know reading was an option. It's a requirement, it's not an option. I went to the leering center. The leering center, yeah. That's where he leered him to read. Leering center, yeah.
Speaker2:
That's where he leered him to read.
Speaker3:
But yeah, I bet that's so true with so many things, so many, you know. Across the board, people don't read. People don't read. You put a sign on doors that's pushing, they're going to pull.
Speaker1:
They're going to pull.
Speaker3:
It says exit, they try to go in.
Speaker1:
Oh, yeah.
Speaker2:
It's ridiculous. Yeah, it's, you know, people are not getting brighter.
Speaker3:
I'll see you next time. It says exit, they try to go in. Oh, yeah. It's ridiculous. It's, you know, people are not getting brighter. I don't know if they're getting more stupid. Is that a word? Stupider. Stupider, yeah, more stupid. That's after you pass Jupiter, it's stupider. It's stupider. Or if they're just lazy. D all the above. Or just don't care. D all the above. So. Yeah, it's, it's so i mean no matter what site you're on if you're looking to connect with somebody i mean if you saw an ad for someone that does remodeling to your house right you saw a picture it's like oh my god look at that it's gorgeous i want them to do my but if you read the ad it's like well we barely know what side of the hammer to use we're going to overcharge you and we're going to have plenty of extras you're not going to quote it right and chances are you're gonna have to hire someone else to redo it and fix it yeah oh my god that picture looks great i gotta hire them it's like did you read the ad did you read the ad did you read the reviews that we know that. Yeah, everybody, everybody's, well, a lot of people are, you know, leaving reviews, so read reviews, see if the site is good for you or whatever you're, you know, looking into. Well, and again, the ones when the site were on, you know, they have a, they call it, hang on, my watch is acting up here. Goddamn fucking eye watch. They have, what do I call it, certs, certifications. Oh, yeah, certifications. See if they have certifications. Mm-hmm. And you'll see. I mean, if they have none and they've been on there for many years, there must be something wrong. Right. Because people will give you certs, but you have to okay them. Right. You don't get a negative cert. Yeah, if someone came... That's like a review. If someone sends a cert and says, you know, Vince has got a small dick, it's unsatisfying, I said, I'm not approving that comment by Donna. I sent that one up several times. I know, and I have to keep rejecting it. You have to log back in and then approve it if you want it to be there oh yeah that's what we have to do yeah but no i mean it's like i mean really you look at a menu it's like oh wow here's this you know dishes you know Francisco chicken. It's like, oh, it sounds good. this, you know, dish. It's, you know, Francisco chicken.
Speaker4:
It's like, oh, it sounds good.
Speaker3:
Okay.
Speaker4:
Did you read what's in it?
Speaker3:
No. No, but the picture looks good.
Speaker2:
The picture looks good. It's stuffed with cow manure.
Speaker3:
Oh.
Speaker2:
I'll try it anyway. Oh, whatever. You know.
Speaker1:
No, usually they're like, I don't want that.
Speaker2:
It's cooked in bull spit.
Speaker1:
And, you know. Yeah, so we got zoinked again. And make sure, too, let's go from the other aspect. Make sure your profile spells out what you're into, what you're not into, what you're willing to accept, what you're not willing to accept. What are you looking for? What don't you want? Your profile should spell it all out. You might need to use bolder text or some of the less bright people. Underline bold text. And see, this is where the single male especially falls into the trap because they don't read. They look at the pictures. It's a Playboy thing. They look at the pictures. They're not reading the write-up. They're not reading the forums.
Speaker2:
They're not reading the articles. Oh, my God, they got to my dick hard. I got a contact, and they got to be with me because I have a hard dick now.
Speaker1:
Yeah, that's exactly why I respond to them.
Speaker2:
That's the only thing I respond to. When a woman reaches out to me and says, I've got a hard dick, I'd say, oh.
Speaker3:
Yeah.
Speaker2:
They, them is hot for me. I'm in a fucking mood.
Speaker1:
You are in a mood.
Speaker2:
I am in a fucking mood.
Speaker1:
Yeah, it kind of like,
Speaker2:
it's like somebody shitting on our cornflakes a little bit. That didn't help today, and my daughter didn't help. Yeah, it's just been one of those days, unfortunately, and it does happen. It does happen. Yeah, all the time to me, but it's a different story. It's okay. I'm still above ground. Yeah, there you go. You know, well, you know, now I have my Sunday open again and I'm going to reach out to a playmate and I'm going to have him over. Oh, it's not like a question you can't find someone. No, it's just a scheduling thing sometimes. But when these people, you know, reach out and they're like, oh, my God, yeah. Yeah, we meet them and we explained everything when we met them everything on the table i have to bring one of those big tablets like that uh like you use in a meeting where you can like they use for pictionary right right yeah i'm gonna bring that in an easel to like a restaurant or a bar where you meet people i'm like okay here's you and then here's donna with her legs up okay look here's your pp your pee-pee. It's hard. Okay, over here is me, video camera.
Speaker3:
Look at this.
Speaker2:
See the cameras aimed at the two of you?
Speaker1:
Oh, I think.
Speaker2:
And in your hand, look at this. That's a release that you signed.
Speaker1:
Yep, you have to sign a model release.
Speaker2:
Do you understand? Do you get the words coming out of my mouth?
Speaker1:
I'll go fucking to the Navy and learn the semaphore. I don't know what the fuck I need to do. Fucking Helen Keller and this shit. You can't. You lose that with, you know, podcasting. Right, yeah. The whole hand-moving thing. The hand-moving thing. Sign language, you mean. That's what I meant. Yeah, the thing is, we were so up front. The whole time we were talking, we were... But it's not just them. There's been other couples. But they reached out to us, and we met them, and they were all like, oh, yeah, that sounds like fun. And we explained everything that we do, where we post, what we hope to gain from this release. And she was this is exciting this is exciting this is fun oh there was a couple we met up the street here at that restaurant um that she was a real estate agent oh yes yes and they were like oh yeah it'd be kind of fun that'd be kind of exciting crickets crickets yeah you know the the gentleman we met that was a jockey. Oh, yeah. Crickets, crickets. Yeah. Oh, that sounds like fun. Oh, my God. Or then you have people like, at first they reach out to you and they're like, oh, my God, this is so erotic.
Speaker2:
I've always wanted to be videotaped. Okay, can you come up? No, I've changed my mind.
Speaker1:
No, it's like, no, it gives it more gradual. It's like, well, you don't have to shoot my face, do you? And I'm like, no. No, we shoot your face, not your penis. Because in porn, no one wants to see a penis. They want to see your face. That's it. They just want to see your O face. What an office space reference. Yeah, so that's all they want to see. So it's like, no, we could have done like a mask, or we have all kinds of hoods and masks and this and that. We could have all done a BDF something. We could have worn that. He could have worn that leather mask. We're gearing this conversation towards shooting content. But it goes for the same thing if you don't, if it's just a couple. Right. If you sit there and say, hey, listen, we only look for, we don't
Speaker2:
want single males, we just want other couples, okay? Well, then single males go and apply, it's like, asshole. You didn't read the... Read the fucking profile. Read the profile. Or, you know, if you express an interest, hey, I'm a chubby chaser, you'm looking for fuller size women, men, whatever. And then all of a sudden, someone that looks like olive oil from Popeye sends you a thing. And there's nothing wrong with olive oil. If someone is not looking for that. Yeah, they're not going to respond. The same as I know there are people that have out there on their profile that they're not
Speaker1:
Thank you. Yeah, they're not going to respond. The same as I know there are people that have out there on their profile that they don't, they're not looking for BBC. Right, right. It's just, it's not being a derogatory thing. It's meant to say, well, that's not, you know, not my preference. Like, I like chunky peanut butter, you like smooth, okay? Yep. You know, it's just a preference. There's nothing meant wrong about that, hopefully hopefully i can't speak for these people i'm hoping um but i don't know either but um you know if you know if you don't have a preference you know if you have something you prefer not to engage in yeah you know a woman doesn't want anal don't show up like i'm gonna bury my dick in your Like you said in my profile, no anal. I don't do anal. Yeah. You know, a woman doesn't want anal, don't show up and be like, oh, I'm going to bury my dick in your ass. Like, you said in my profile, no anal. I don't do anal. Yeah. Or if a profile says, I only do anal, and you're like, hey, can you suck my dick? No, it says I only do anal. I only do anal. I think a guy would be pretty much okay with that. Yeah, well, whatever. You don't know. You don't know. That's true. I take that back. It says, hey am a trans or people i'm trans puts it out there well what happens some guy goes and meets this individual it's like you are a man hey fucking asshole read my profile yeah my profile take the two minutes scan the profile so you don't you don't get surprised but yeah why why make a situation difficult and again this is across the board with everything oh yeah not just not just swinger websites or yeah i mean you're wasting everybody's time and and going to cause a hard you know a hard feeling such a situation so Yeah, why do that? It doesn't make any sense. No. But yeah, I agree. So read the profile. Read the fine print. It's not that fine. It's big enough to read. In our case, it is big enough to read. Pull your pants back up. Put your pee-pee away. Read the profile. I mean, it has, like you said, has abed a lot of the riffraff. Oh, we used to get probably 10, 15 emails a day. Yeah. We're down to two a week. Yeah. And those two, guess what? Didn't read the profile. So it doesn't matter, does it? Oh, well, I don't know. Keeps life interesting. It does keep life interesting. It keeps my blood pressure high. Yeah, it's just been a day of whirlwind nonsense. It didn't need to happen if they just would have read the profile. If anyone wants to question why I drink, okay, just listen to the show. I'm for many more reasons, but this is certainly one. Oh, it's right up there. My daughter's another one. My wife's another one. Oh, shut up. What? I love you, dear. That's what I was just saying. Of course. I said there's another one. I love my wife. Oh, that's exactly what I heard. Yeah. She drives me crazy. What? Some feedback coming through. Oh, I'm sure there's feedback. Somebody's walkie-talkie or something. Oh, I'm sure. Here's my crazy wife. Okay. So you have a crazy wife, so... No. What does that mean? No, it's whoever's on that walkie-talkie. Oh, yeah. Don't make him play the song again. Wayne liked the song by the way. Oh, did he? He thought it was sweet that I wrote a song for you. Yeah, my husband is all romance. Yeah, well, I married a psycho bitch. Play it then, Mr. Smarty Pants.
Speaker3:
No, I did.
Speaker2:
I don't need to hear it again. It'll go viral.
Speaker1:
Yeah, it'll go viral.
Speaker2:
What do I do with all that money?
Speaker1:
Yeah, okay. You know, keep dreaming. Keep dreaming.
Speaker2:
I should make change that to,
Speaker1:
I divorced a psycho bitch named Lynn. Well, did we kill this horse or what? Oh, I want to kill a few. But yeah, we did it. That's enough. So if there's a theme from the show, I would have to sum it up in a couple words. Well, probably won't read that profile. Okay, a few words. Read the fucking profile. Okay, four. Four words. Do you want three? I can just make it. Yeah, read the profile. Read the fine print. My opinion, read the fucking profile. And that's for everybody. He's testy, huh? You're going to want people to read your profile. Oh, yeah, exactly. If you have a profile, yeah. Well, I mean, there's more than just these Swinger websites, like you said before. You're a single guy, and you're getting contacted with guys, like, profile says I'm straight. Yep. Oh, come on, stop. No, you're not. That's got pissy off. You can't look so fucking hot And be straight Straight
Speaker2:
I thought that meant your dick was straight And goes straight in my ass
Speaker1:
Oh god
Speaker2:
No it meant I'm straight No you're just thinking you're straight I can convince you to be Something different Be all you can be up my ass You're so wrong Put all you can put up my ass I don't know.
Speaker1:
I don't know.
Speaker2:
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker1:
I don't know.
Speaker2:
I don't know.
Speaker3:
I don't know. different be all you can be up my ass you're so wrong put all you can put up my ass okay okay we wrap this up yeah let's wrap this up it's going into the toilet pretty quickly i'm drinking bourbon uh as always as always i have coffee in the morning oh good to good to know. With bourbon. He's kidding. It's not true. Fifty Shades of Pleasure. Check it out. It's free. FiftyShadesOfPleasure.com,
Speaker2:
the magazine.
Speaker1:
And? HotWipeDonnellIn.com where I'm posting. Hopefully, there'll be more new stuff coming up.
Speaker3:
Hopefully.
Speaker1:
I hope.
Speaker3:
As soon as somebody
Speaker1:
comes over here and fuck the shit out of me. Wow. That makes you feel good. You can come over here and fuck the shit out of me. But you have to read the profile. I have to sign a release. You have to sign a release. You're not going to shoot my face, are you? That's all we're going to shoot. Didn't we have this conversation? I don't want my dick in it. Someone might recognize my dick. I don't want my face, my stomach, or my dick in it. Can you my dick i don't my face my stomach or my dick in it can you do that or your feet oh my feet would be a dead giveaway who the that was yeah wow eight toes hey that's vent the eight toed wonder yeah wonder wonder when more Wonder when we're going to fall off.
