I would try Tinder. I think women who are open to non committed sex would be more open to the lifestyle. I know a half dozen single ladies that would enjoy having a relationship with the right guy in the lifestyle. I assume single men I meet on SLS don't want a commitment other than a regular play partner.
Back in 2007 I (hubby) was married before in the lifestyle and while it was great we just were not compatible in the long term. During the separation I knew I wanted to stay in the lifestyle but not as a single even though I could have been very successful back then when I was younger and in awesome shape. I didn't approach the single women I knew in the lifestyle for dating too. Just wanted a fresh start.
During the separation I dated women through online dating and would let them bring up their sexual fantasies after we had sex during pillow talk. I never mentioned I was a swinger till they hinted they dabbled or was interested in it. Most were pretty open to the lifestyle, especially Mrs. OHC. So not long after we started dating we started to attend and host swinger parties and ultimately fell in love, married and started a family. d'AWWWWWW <3
Long story short. Don't be a perv and tell woman you're a swinger on a first date, feel them out some before you do.
I have gone back and fourth between vanilla and lifestyle. I don't think I'll ever go back. I found more vanilla guys lied and were not very great in bed.
As far as finding a vanilla that is open, you just have to ask a lot of questions. Ask about fantasies and experiences, just try not to be creepy about it. Maybe just one or two questions and leave it a lone for a while.
I started swinging soon after my divorce in the mid 80's.....But I live & move in 2 different worlds....One in the lifestyle with one set of friends & acquaintances and then the "vanilla" world with it's own set of friends & acquaintances......As for dating well it's more than a little tough to find a woman my age who is single & interested in the lifestyle. Actually it's impossible
swinging is amazing but it definitely ruins the ability vanilla dating I think :(
I have never mentioned swinging to a vanilla guy!!! way to scary lol
I stopped dating vanilla completely. I am 100% lifestyle. it feels easier to me
While you may be able to find a LS person on a vanilla site and vice versa, if you've decided the LS will always be a part of your life, personally, I'd stick to the LS sites.
To the ladies looking, there are men that think "slut" is a good word. To me a slut is someone that loves having sex and just happens to do that with multiple people. Why wouldn't ANY guy want a woman that loves sex?
Unfortunately a large # of the men that think that way are likely to be married and virtually all have less reason to leave their spouse, especially for sex. Why would they when their Mrs already lets them fuck any willing girl they want? I can certainly understand why ANYONE (male or female) would want that.
OP:
If you figure it out, can you let me know?
I have pretty much given up on trying to date in the vanilla world.
I don't see a lasting relationship forming from any of the Alt communities either.
Catch-22.
I wouldn't look for a vanilla partner from a pool of swingers, nor would I go to Eharmony to look for swingers. But the truth is, you're as likely to find either in one place as the other.
I believe that where folks go wrong is when they have a predetermined plan to mold one from the other and furthermore attempt to schedule a specific conversation to achieve that goal at a given point. Bad plan in my book.
I say just look for what you want in the place where it is likely to be and let the rest take its own course in due time.
In either event, you can find encouragement in the fact that, whatever you do, your chances of success dramatically improve with each failure. ;^D
Tramp
It is not likely that any adventurous woman or man who is experienced in swinging will find a suitable opposite sex swing partner on any of the vanilla dating sites. Believe me, I've tried for several years. Early on, I will be upfront with potential mates that I am bisexual and looking for a semi-serious sexual mf FWB relationship involving swinging with other couples and men as opposed to looking for a traditional monagamous "love-of-a-lifetime" relationship or marriage. I've been called a pervert, a freak, and even worse by the few women who didn't just hang up on me or stop corresponding online. I am bisexual and have no trouble at all meeting bisexual male sex partners (mostly married ones), who are much more adventurous and open to casual and kinky sex than are women. Almost every bi married man I've ever met was very excited at the idea of him an I having mmm 3somes or moresomes. I've completely abandoned using the vanilla mf dating sites. I use several adult oriented hookup sites now. Some are primarily swingers' sites, some are oriented more to mf hookups and some are mainly mm hookup sites. Still it is rare to meet women who are curious and interested to explore sex and alternate lifestyles with a safe, sane, mature man. I am 64 and as I said before, bisexual, so age and sexual orientation biases are partly to blame. But even if I were heterosexual and 25 years younger, it would still be difficult to meet the kind of freaky, kinky woman I'd like to meet. 99.99% of women of any age are just not wired for casual and kinky sex in the same way men are and very few of the exceptions to that rule can wrap their heads around having a bisexual boyfriend.
I was on date 3 with a guy from the lifestyle (really awesome surpass) and as we were driving back to my place he said "so. ..... ... What are we?" which almost made me want to both slam on the brake pedal and say awww at the same time. Thankfully I decided on simply grip the steering wheel a little tighter and let him continue.
He just wanted to make sure we were on the same page as to what the other wanted. Neither of us want anything serious and to just roll with it. It's good to know which chapter and page the other person is on and be totally honest about it.
It would really suck to have a lot of really great sex only to find out there are a few serious deal breakers.
I was talking to a guy at a swing club last night about the slut label and he just laughed and said "yeah, he'll want to hose you down with antibiotics" I just lost it laughing. I don't think I have it in me to have "that talk" with every guy I date in the future, I think honesty is important and this would have to come up at some point. Dating people outside the lifestyle would just be too difficult. If I stumbled upon him, that's one thing, but I'm not going to go out of my way.
Good responses.
So.. I am taking the approach of making sure that there is an understanding that I am definitely not jumping into an exclusive relationship, and that I need to just 'be single' for a while. This doesn't mean we can't meet up and see what each other is about... Keep seeing each other... and even introduce sex as a way to get more answers about the person... Where sex is NOT being the start of an exclusive relationship.
I am seeing one girl and after a few meetings we had our opportunity to test drive each other. I kind of explained that when she was ready for it, I was willing - and that sex is a way to just answer more of the questions that I had about her. I made sure she understood that she didn't consider as the sex as the gateway to 'we are now dating and exclusive'. She was good with that actually and she knows deep down that we really dont know THAT much about each other after 4 days.
I've laid it on her that I swung in the past. Didn't say anything about the present yet.
She was understanding up to this point. She mentioned that she doesn't think she could ever do that.
Well.. at least I have a 'system' down on what to tell women who I see... I'm sure many of them will be offended by the idea of sex not being the relationship starter... but I guess I won't wan't those girls then... unless I am so gaga about one that I would give up the play.
wow what a different world it is now. Back when i was single in my early twenties all the men wanted women who loved sex.
Times change so much. Now its seem likes everyone wants to own their other half and put a Chasity belt on them. Sex outside of marriage is like the most evil thing a man or woman could do. So very different in a mere 30 years.
Just tell a woman that you loves sex and are looking for a woman who loves sex and loves to have her man show her off in public in sexy clothing or at a nude beach. go from there
I would have a really difficult time dating in the vanilla world.
Apparently, guys won't have a serious relationship with "sluts"
"so Mag, how many partners have you had?" then they run off into the sunset in shock and horror, never to be heard from again.
The hypocrisy and double standard in this is disappointing. So, they won't seriously date a "slut" and consider them for a lont term relationship, but they'll be more than happy to contribute to the status?
I started in the ls as part of a couple then continued as a sm for years after. There were times when I dated vanilla and introduced some of those women to the ls. Some went well, others not so much.
Ultimately i met rabbit who was already in the ls and we have been together ever since.
I don't have any advice per se pther than be honest. When I dated vanilla I made sure it was clear we weren't exclusive. If the relationship started getting serious, I stopped playing.
All I can add is, good luck and have fun!
~S~
So I may have a unique situation in the future. (Maybe?)
Before I was divorced I was involved in the lifestyle.
Been out of the game for a while and now I am back as a single male after the divorce.
Made some great connections so far but I am not active as of yet, mostly because of timing.
Also looking to slowly date at the same time. Not out there looking for love but looking for friends and companionship that can turn into something someday.
I am wondering who has run into this in the past because obviously there comes a time were you need to bring up the 'lifestyle' (if you want to continue with it)
It will probably send most vanilla people running for the hills... I am wondering if anyone has had and survived a conversation like this?
I will come off like a Christian Grey - someone with a secret lifestyle... I just can't imagine a woman being accepting of this.
If that time ever comes... maybe there will be a choice that I would have to make...
Thoughts?
