I'm not sure there is a way to weed out a lot of the bad experiences, especially if people are going to say one thing online and do another in person. One difference for me is I'm not up for Bi play, so "a little light Bi play" would have been a No for me. Then again, it's way easier being part of a couple than being an SM, in most cases.
I had one bad experience with a couple earlier on, and I definitely used it as a learning experience. They were the third couple I'd ever been with (I was 21, they were late 40s), and while we had a good email exchange on what the wife was interested in and what I was open to do, the result when we me up was entirely different. The problem was the husband was too gung-ho about everything.
It started with me and his wife getting to know each other under the covers, exploring each others bodies. When it came to her mounting and riding me, I suddenly feel someone sucking on my balls, a little to hard. It's the husband. While I told them over email I was open to some light-bi stuff, this dude didn't even ask for permission and just started vigorously sucking on them. That killed the mood quickly, and the wife had to spend some more time with me to help get me back in the mood. The threesome gets back on track, but when it comes to another point of me 69ing with the wife, again, he tries sucking on my balls again. WITHOUT PERMISSION. I told them I was no longer comfortable, but instead of just up and leaving, the wife convinced me to stay and rub one out while they fucked in front of me. The way he manhandled her was aggressive and unsexy. He would grab her tits hard, slap them, and to be honest she didn't look like she was enjoying it too much. After they finished, I left, and we did not stay in touch.
Lesson learned? Be very upfront with specifics, and lay ground rules. It definitely helped me weed-out potential problematic couples in the future.
I had some a few bad experiences with couples not showing up, not looking like pictures, literally cancelling at the last minute while I am driving to the meeting location. There were a few other instances when the couple wasn't on the same page. The husband want to watch me play with his wife. But she got cold feet. Or the wife wanted to play. But the husband got angry and jealous. I simply moved on and in some cases blocked the couple.
If I didn't like the food at a particular restaurant, I might not go back to that restaurant. But that doesn't mean I would take a break from eating out. Same thing applies with swinging.
OP mentioned "rude and mean", I have always taken that behavior as an insecure response to something they feel is unbearable and they lash out. people are complicated and there is no telling what goes on in their mind to trigger that. sometimes its just miscommunication, One thing for sure you don't want to play with insecure people. I don't judge, I don't get offended, I just move on and forget it. There are a lot fun secure people out there , those aren't always the ones you meet, but when you do its really worth it.
In 13 months I've only had 1 bad experience.
I recently met a woman for drinks. However, from the moment we said hello she was rude, snobbish and an utter bore! Physically she was beautiful but her behavior was so ugly I had a hard time engaging in polite conversation. We cut the night short and went our separate ways.
Personality matters.
Robert
lol @ normal.
FWIW: There is so much inconsideration for punctuality and attentiveness towards others without putting one’s self in those situations, then trying to justify it and play it off as a normalcy................. We sat and waited for someone to stop off and do their super bowl shopping for the next day’s party. Now we learn we should have understood and waited longer instead of saying “fcuk it”. Or the time we were on a LS dinner M&G when the female was fluffing me up and invites us to go sing karaoke with their next date, approx 30 minutes ago, and make it a group endeavor. Thank goodness she gave us enough time to make us aware of the double booking. Yeah, people like us should have a “normal” understanding reaction to crap people pull. Maybe Mrs. U is right when she suggested to lie, as it would help save face and keeps others from getting pissed about the inconsideration of other people’s time others would have.
Anyway, we know one thing learned for sure, someone is full of horse pummy or just reallllly realllly bad at getting their story straight.
Thanks for sharing anyway.
Ms Uriah, it was not as bad as that. The SM did not waste time by driving up to meet us early in the hopes of playing. I didn't even know until he sent an email the morning of that day that he had the day off and I responded to that immediately with a reminder email of what the "plan" was, which was to meet at 5 pm and that we would not be there before then.
Yes, I could have not shared our afternoon plan but knew that there was a possibility we could be little late and most normal people would be understanding and appreciative at the level of communication. As soon as we realized we were going to be a little late, we texted him. If we planned to meet someone and they were running a little late for ANY reason it would not be a big deal to us, or most normal people.
In the end, the only one he fucked with his attitude was himself. As GGMM said, it was lucky he did lose his shit over it because he did us a favor. We would have had the whole evening ahead of us, including a nice dinner and him sleeping over at our resort if he wanted. Life is too short and, when you actually have a life, too dynamic to ALWAYS follow an exact plan and we could not be long term friends with someone, LS or otherwise, that didn't understand that.
Mrs Uriah, anytime a conversation of mine results in you thinking more about sex, I am well pleased with myself.
Mayhem: You can not compare LS appointments to vanilla, but since you did, yes, we are not late for vanilla appointments either. If we schedule ANY appointment, we keep it, unless there is a dire emergency, which you did not have. You would hold the SM to the same expectations mentioned should he have ran late and cannot deny it based on previous posts in other threads, condemning them.
Just because you are a couple doesn’t mean you should get special treatment for being late because you could not keep your schedule by double booking and not leaving yourself enough time in case things run late, regardless if the SM/SF/CPL wanted to see if they could meet any earlier.
The SM didn’t get angry about blowing off work, as stated in the prior post, it was because you broke your original agreement to meet on time, a time you couldn’t keep. Amazing that those previously two posted accounts of the SM, I refer to, contradict one another; either information was intentionally left out to make his reasoning look worse than the fact you didn’t keep your schedule or your second one includes extra information in an attempt to make your story look better.
I agree once again, there’s enough laid out you need not make any more lame excuses why you hold yourself above your own expectation of standards of others.
~Allen
Huh. Just because you won't actually die from lack of sex doesn't mean it doesn't qualify as a need. We all need touch if we're to thrive and sex, particularly good sex, is one of the most efficient ways to get that need met.
I think I'm going to respectfully disagree with Mrs. U. I don't mind people knowing some of the finer details and if I have to make last minute alterations, how people respond to those changes is information I want to have, whether they're relaxed about it or lose their shit. I also haven't minded cancelling plans based on a tantrum, all while thanking the universe for helping me dodge that particular couple.
re: 888
Would this make a difference to you if it was vanilla friends or family and it ran late, or is your issue with it perceived as me handling the situation different somehow because it was a single guy? What if I was going from one vanilla activity that ran late to another vanilla meeting and did the same thing, because I've done that too, as has everyone else at some point.
If you seriously think this is as bad as a "no show" then you're correct in one point you made. There is no point in me saying more.
“If something like this would piss you off 888 then so be it.”
You don’t need to explain, you’ve said plenty already. TBH, It doesn’t matter if it pisses me off or not. The double booking and not keeping your appointment ON TIME is no better than not showing up at all. You’d be the first in line to call a SM a douchebag if they placed you at a lower priority.
"Tramp is mistaken to liken sex to food. Food is a need. Sex is a want. You can go without sex for years on end, a lifetime, forever. You will die without food, if you fast too long."
OK, fair enough. But in my defense, I wasn't trying to make a literal statement 433 days ago when I said that in response to a guy who was suggesting that he back away from swinging totally because of one bad experience.
So...I'll revise my comparison for the literal folks out there.
"If you ate potatoes last night and you got sick, would you never again eat potatoes, or would you suspect that there was simple something wrong with the particular ones you ran across last night?"
Mayhem, there was absolutely no reason for the guy to be pissed. You and I know that. So would any reasonable person.
This was identified as a possibility and incorporated into your plans from the start. Life is dynamic. Every adult should understand that.
(Special emphasis on the words reasonable and adult. Admittedly, some just don't fit these words)
Re: double booked and late
I booked something for 5 pm with him and in the afternoon with other friends. I expected that our afternoon friends would be gone by then but had indicated to the single guy that we could run a little late and would text him if that happened so he could head out accordingly (he was about an hour away).
When I realized that we were going to be a liittle later than expected, we texted the guy by 4 pm, but he KNEW this could be the case up front because THAT WAS THE PLAN.
If something like this would piss you off 888 then so be it.
“There are always 2 side to every story. ”
You double booked outings and was late, which in your case is inexcusable no matter how many excuses of the other person you try to shed to light in hopes to cover your own. That shit had happed a few times to us too. I would have condemned you too because it make people feel second rate.
~Allen
poolguy, swinging is not an activity for those who are easily discouraged or inclined to use a few bad experiences to condemn the entire populace. Really, it isn't. And if you do either of those things, I can pretty much guarantee that things will not improve.
mayhem, I think my former partner and I met that guy or his brother for coffee once. He did pretty much the exact same thing (including the sloppy seconds comment) on the day we were supposed to meet and then seemed surprised that we went from a yes to an oh, hell no.
There are always 2 side to every story. We were supposed to meet a single guy early one evening and we told him that we had plans with friends that same afternoon. The morning of, he emails us and tells us he took the day off and wants to join us and makes comments about "getting sloppy seconds". We were with LS friends but had vanilla stuff planned with them, so it was uncalled for and not even close to what was going on.
I did send him a quick email before going off with our friends reminding him that the plan was to meet at 5 pm with him and not late morning as he was hoping for.
We were running a little late getting back to our timeshare where we planned to meet this guy and texted him that we could meet at 5:30 pm instead of 5 pm as planned. He sent us a nasty email back saying, "This is why I hate this site and making plans with people, because they never follow through".
This guy expected us to drop what we were doing because he decided to take the day off at the last minute. When we didn't do that he accused US of breaking our plans. Needless to say we never met with this guy and I'm sure his story was how "We blew him off".
Not saying this was the case with the prior poster, but shit does happen and does cause a change of plans. If they were interested enough to exchange emails and set something up in the first place it would be in your best interest as a single guy to respond with an understanding email and NOT burn that bridge.
As fun as the good experiences are, it's the few bad ones that REALLY stick in your memory. You do NOT want to be someone's bad experience if you can help it.
How about when a couple stands up the single guy. That was me tonight?? Im just wondering what they get out of doing something like that? I’m so ready to get off this site it’s been nothing but trouble
Don’t let one experience ruin any possible great future experiences. Idiots aren’t going away in this world.
Despite OP moving on, I think it's worth it to answer the question.
You take a break lasting as long as you darn well please.
A bad experience is a bad experience. If it's shaken you, then it's shaken you. If you want to take a break, you take one. The only person who gets to decide if you want to be out and about is you.
Tramp is mistaken to liken sex to food. Food is a need. Sex is a want. You can go without sex for years on end, a lifetime, forever. You will die without food, if you fast too long.
Sometimes a particular experience leaves your with a bad taste in your mouth or with unresolved issues you can't parse easily , or horror of horrors, actual trauma. Best not to sweep this stuff under the carpet. Handle it. If you're not feeling it, take a break until you are. No one is making you. You're single, you don't have to Take One for Any Team. You ARE the team.
There is no I in team, but there is an "i" in Single.
Look out for #1.
There's nothing like looking up and discovering the partner of the person you're playing with has just fallen off the wagon after nearly five years of sobriety. And that was the very last time I was a first for anyone.
I see the OP has moved on. It can be tough to do this as a single unless you're extremely rigorous in your selection process, because there's no backup if you've guessed wrong.
Though the question was addressed to single guys/ladies, most of the few times we've had a bad experience could apply to singles or couples. Namely, couples that are not on the same page.
Basically, one is into it and the other is not. Perhaps it's that hubby that wants to see the wife do things she doesn't want to, or the wife that gets jealous seeing hubby play with someone else even though they invited you to play.
When we first started off, people like us scared us and we didn't know why. Now, it's newbies that scare us and we DO know why ;-)
I had some time to process what happened and I think you guys are correct gonna run across jerks some worse than others. If I am gonna continue to do this from time to time I'm gonna have to suck it up and move on. I admit this guy really scared me...Crazy dumbass...Thanks for every one's posts...
My favorite trainwrecks are the photographs. I'm really photography and a lot of times all I can think is are you fucking kidding me? You have 2 chances to impress someone. Your profile and profile pics. Why that picture? Some of them are the reasons I say nope! Oh hell nope!
