What does 'Soft Swap' really mean?

"If we had jumped right into full swap then we would have missed the opportunity to enjoy the baby steps along the way"

DING!
We occasionally play with newbies that are very tentative and we try to reassure that no always means no, and the only rule we have is mutual respect, which includes respecting boundaries.

Admittedly, we are also known to be extra wary of drama with newbies, there is occasionally those who decide that they exceeded their boundaries after the fact. That's remorse, and it results in not being invited back.

I also don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with soft swap. I do believe that the scenario noted in the OP (from one year ago) is really not soft swap.

I believe that from the information we were given, the "soft swap" was intended by the couple to be a trained seal performance by the single man, who was then expected to just leave when the wife decided s he was finished.

My comments and I'm sure comments by others, are not to condemn "soft swap". No need for people who enjoy "legitimate" soft swap to be defensive about it. I THINK we're all on the same page regarding that.

It's not that there is anything wrong with soft swap. I think that it's just that the majority of people here are looking for full swap and view anything less than that as boring.

Everyone has to start someplace and, like you, we did not jump right into full swap. In fact, we started going to parties and would just have sex with each other in a room with the door closed. We could hear others around us having sex and they could hear us, and that was actually pretty hot to us knowing what we "could" be doing before actually doing anything.

If we had jumped right into full swap then we would have missed the opportunity to enjoy the baby steps along the way. It's not that we couldn't have done them as much as we probably wouldn't have wanted to.

People tend to get busy and when they have time to play, some want to get right down to it. While you may think your options are limited to other newbies, there are a few couples (like us) that get to play often enough that it's no big deal to make new friends and just enjoy each others company. People starting out REALLY want to talk to someone about things they can't discuss with their vanilla friends.

That said, and being completely honest, if we had no plans and were presented with a couple that full swaps versus one that doesn't, we'd lean towards making plans with the couple that full swaps, but if we make plans we don't change them for a better offer and it's actually kind of nice to take a break and just enjoy good company and conversation sometimes.

It's kind of like gardening for us where you plant a seed and hope it grows. We've seen a number of seeds blossom in our time in the LS and it's fun for us when people fondly refer to us as "their first". We know we've made a memory for them that they'll never forget.

888eatme888

Posted the 1st reply a year ago, and nailed it exactly; so I'm not going to add more. Here's their reply again:

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"Although the profile states she is 'bi-agreeable', she will not initial any contact but certainly will not refuse my wife's attention but will not return the 'favor'. And, she is also not one to be orally inclined. I'm not sure what kind of swap that is.”
That isn’t a swap. What you got yourselves there is a pillow princess. She only takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

:-D

~Allen"

As a couple brand spanking new to this and being cautious since we haven't even gone to a club yet and haven't done anything else with any other partners except really each other, we want to take gradual steps to see if this is what we are looking for. We don't want to immediately go from 0 to 100. Is that apparently not okay in the LS? That is why we listed soft swap possibility on our profile.

Single bisexual woman here, I'm a soft swapper and to me this means no intercourse anything else goes!

Thanks hotluvrs, we don’t need penetration to have a wonderful experience either, but for us substance generally equates to mutual trust and respect.

Mayhem, we think you were closest to the mark: experience level. The full-swap couples that have contacted us (we generally don't contact full-swap couples) made it clear that they expect full swap early and often, and "expectations" are a turn off for us. With the right folks we're willing to go wherever things may lead, problem is most won't take the time to establish that connection.

Soft-swap (to us at least) means "ladies choice". The ladies will generally lead the way as to what may come, the key is to provide a fun, safe and secure environment where they can let go of their inhibitions.

Soft swap is pretty much anything goes short of intercourse with the other couple, however. to avoid those unwanted awkward moments better to talk about it first. My experience on this site has been that soft swap is pretty much a show stopper. Most profiles say "watch/soft/full", but that usually doesn't mean what it implies. Most full swap couples are not interested in watch or soft play, so keep that in mind as a talking point too. Point to be made here is to communicate and communicate well.

Soft swap allows for more sweet talk, kissing,oral sex, touching and stroking which is very fulfilling, love to clean up after the man cums in his lady however....

There can be a number of reasons for soft swap, but guessing a common one is experience level (play-grade) and just not being comfortable with full swap. If so, it would stand to reason that same lack of experience translates into not knowing how to get things started. That could account for at least some of the perceived "style" over "substance" with soft swap people.

When first starting out, full swap really can be a big deal. In a way, things are more fun when there's that nervous energy. In time, that does go away so enjoy it while you can.

The Mrs and I no longer get that even if walking into a completely new party with completely new people, We sort of joke about how we don't feel any different going to a LS party than we do going to a kids birthday party. We of course look forward to and have WAY more fun at LS parties ;-)

We have found that many couples that are W,S,F really aren't Full. They tend to be late getting started.

But we like the group/orgy thing anyway. So if a couple would rather a private room, we aren't really a match.

In fact, we have probably played with Soft couples, and didn't even know it. But in the open room inhibitions seem to fade away.

“Nothing against Full/Swap, it's just our experience that folks into S/S tend to be more substance over style.”

We love soft swap. We don’t need penetration to have a wonderful, erotic experience. Unfortunately, contrary to the above quote, we’ve found most soft swap couples to be more about style than substance, If “substance” includes the readiness to go beyond chatting.

Although it seems that "soft swap" is a dying sport, my understanding is that anything goes except intercourse with the other couple. Really pretty simple. Just take profiles with a cautious eye. "Watch/Soft/Full" usually does not mean that the couple is willing to play at any level. Most of the time, they are full swap only so be sure to ask that question before meeting and ending up in a awkward situation.

15 years ago we were introduced to the lifestyle by another couple that was into erotic photography. We must admit Soft/Swap was far more popular back then, but then again people were more accepting and more apt to get to know you back then also. Nothing against Full/Swap, it's just our experience that folks into S/S tend to be more substance over style.

This thread is great, and I hope others see and read it. Personally, we're kind of amazed this is still a topic of discussion. We've only been in the LS a couple of years but we always understood soft swap to be just as others have said....anything and everything except penetration by the Male play partners dick. That includes kissing, rubbing, fingering, licking, sucking, toys, etc. And just like mayhem said, when done with a couple who truly enjoys "foreplay" then soft swap can be loads of fun and can literally last for hours!

Our definition of Soft/Swap is basically "Ladies Choice"... my wife is not interested in sex with another man, but is playfully-Bi. Of course we've tried finding the ever-elusive "unicorn" but thanks to some friends of ours we were introduced to a group of married women that enjoy "Girl time". Long-story-short, I enjoy my doing anything as long as it turns her on,; it just so happens she is turned on by playing with other women! We've been accused of "doing it wrong" but we're doing what's comfortable and works for us.

We LOVE soft swap.
Our definition: sex, without penetration using the male genital. Everything else allowed: fingers, dildos, strapons, tongues. Even given a mutual understanding of our definition, a soft swap encounter still needs to have a pre-mission briefing to discuss other general rules.

I don't get penetrated and I really do not need to penetrate the lady so it is mostly soft swap for me which is fine as I just enjoy being the girl and going what girls do, being sweet, soft, and pleasing to others...........Mary Jo

To each his own but for us Soft Swap just means that one of us is not having sex with someone else. When we talk, the do’s and Don’ts will be clarified as it should be before any couple plays together.

Soft swap just sucks. Literally... What we have found with soft swap cpls is that they usually have more rules than a NFL game. We tried it once. Quite frankly we thought we did good abiding by the rules but never the less the other cpl ended up in some sort of a pissin match. After that night we avoid it like the plague.

We were kind of confused by this at first too. For example, does innie/outtie include fingers? While easy to define what it isn't, ultimately this is something you need to discuss with your play partners because everyone could have slightly different takes on exactly what soft swap is.

soft swap means, “just licky, licky, no innie outie”

~rabbit~

Soft swap to me is like returning to the 10th grade.

Soft swap can be incredibly fun and sexy, even for more experienced players. We try hard never to forget our progression in the LS. Just because we prefer full swap, we have had an absolute blast doing soft swap with couples that are either not or perhaps never will be up for full swap. Soft swap sessions can literally last for hours and we've been lucky enough to enjoy some of those.

It all comes down to what you are in the LS for. We truly enjoy the social aspect of it and have made some incredible friendships with LS people that we haven't actually fucked. If we do sometime, great, but if not it doesn't mean we enjoy their friendship or our limited play time with them any less. As with all of this, there are many "cups of tea" and why the phrase "like-minded" by itself is meaningless.

"they, the males, want to penetrate and spread their seeds. .... chickens, ducks, and other small animals including rabbits." (c)

No offense, but Soft swap is probably for those who stand above "chickens, ducks, and other small animals".