He Plays she does not

The thread should have ended with Bridgetender's comment. Spot on.

@Tramp: Would I lie to ya hunny? Now would I say something that wasn’t true, I’m asking you Sugar would I liiiiiiiiiiiiie?

Annie (not) Lennox

You're not just being sarcastic there, are ya? It's not nice to trick a tramp. 8^O

Tramp

@flipflops: do I win a prize? ;-)

Maybe my brain is bigger than my boobs?? Naaw. If that were the case they’d be overflowing my ears! O^O

@Tramp: this summer: Big, tight, boobie-squishin’ hugs!

Annie

Crap. My sarcasm filter is broken...hhhmmmmppphhh.

Ding, ding, ding

Annie, I think you're onto something there.

I'll have to admit, when I saw that post the first time, I just shook my head. Maybe it was overshadowed by all of the posts surrounding it.

But, reading it now, I too believe it was sarcasm.

Tramp

-Am I the only one who read Flipflops comments about “bringing home another woman as a suprise ..that’s always worked well for others..” for what it was? *Sarcasm??

@Stone: you’re probably not a bad guy. I don’t doubt you really love your wife and are incredibly frustrated. But This? Behind your wife’s back?? Posting Publically Accessible pictures of HER FACE ==without.her.knowledge== is so very very much Not the way.

How do you think she’d react if she found out?

Please have enough respect for your wife to hold a difficult but honest conversation with her and at the least remove her photos or blur her face. When I looked I thought she was someone I went to school with. And maybe she is. And what if I told others? It really is That easy to damage someone’s life.

Annie

Hi Mayhem8 - always nice to see your posts.

I'm glad you mentioned the GYN possibility ... most women have no idea how inexpensive it is to screen for hormone related issues and address them ... my GYN saved me a ton of money when he recommended I shop my meds thru one of the legit Canadian pharmacies. The price difference is ridiculous.

On the other hand, a lack of interest in all things LS related can just be the natural order of things for someone ... hence my SLS ID. There's certainly nothing wrong with my husband's hormone levels ... your arms (together) cannot be bigger than your waist if you have low testosterone, plus he's held the same position on the swinging concept since we were young.

That may account for my rather extreme objection to the "surprise her with another woman" nonsense. Yeah right ... twenty plus years ago, had I brought home another man to surprise him with ... well, we wouldn't be talking now about 20 plus years later! People may adjust a bit, especially over long periods of time, but that "shock and awe" surprise them suggestion was insane.

With my husband, it's quite simple ... sex is an intimate, emotional experience for him that cannot be "recreational" for him. We have had people - and I mean wonderfully nice, well intentioned people, discuss this with us and his two most common responses are:

1) Yes, and I could probably "learn" to like asparagus too, but why would I if I don't want to; and
2) When you change things, things change, often in ways unintended

I think #2 is primarily what has always restrained him ... what if making sex a recreational activity killed the intimate/emotional aspect for him?

From what I've witnessed and experienced, I think the bottom line is always to make an assessment as to your own priorities ... what is most important to you, your desires and fantasies, or your relationship. My husband and I have matriculated thru a LOT of things over the years from just playing where others could watch in the beginning, to some pretty outrageous behavior on my part these days. Hubby isn't into it and doesn't get off on watching, but he's OK with whatever makes me happy and he's ALWAYS right there to keep me safe.

The day he's troubled by any of it, I'm done with it.

Stone:

I agree with the last 2 posts. A party where you can just go watch and observe might be a good step in the right direction, however it may just get you even more frustrated, and Yes, just showing up with another single female is very likely to end badly :-O

I can tell it's frustrating for you because it sounds like you're ready to jump in with both feet and the Mrs has no interest, but pushing the issue is also not going to help. I'm not sure what your sex life is like now but my Mrs gyno says that women around her age can get into a "use it or lose it" situation. If you guys aren't playing with and enjoying yourselves regularly then adding more people to the mix isn't the answer.

If you really feel that strongly about it then you may want to consider talking to a therapist or have her talk to her gyno. There could be physical reasons for her lack of interest/libido. Seems a lot of women around your wife's age peak sexually, so worth seeing if maybe a med she's on or some sort of hormonal imbalance is causing issues first.

Lord, I posted before reading some of the other suggestions ... I don't know what to tell you but altogether too many of the people on here offering suggestions are ridiculous beyond all redemption.

Specifically, since you say that your wife has no fantasies or interest in swinging at all, the suggestion to bring home some woman and surprise her with a threesome is idiocy ... sheer idiocy. Your post strikes me as way too sensitive to do anything that stupid, but I felt compelled to comment.

As you might imagine, when I first saw this thread, I misread it as directed specifically to me!

As I often comment, when I attended my first swingers event, we had to rub sticks together to fire up the Bar-B-Q. First and foremost, I would strongly encourage you to avoid pushing your wife anywhere that she does not want to go. That is usually a terrible mistake.

Instead, why not suggest that she attend some sort of swingers event that is NOT too close to home. Encourage her to bring something sexy to wear that shows off whatever you consider to be her best attributes.

IF you can get her to go along with that and attend a party ... go, eat, drink, dance, whatever ... and JUST WATCH THE SHOW. There will always be other parties, and one thing does tend to lead to another if you don't push it and ruin the experience for her.

Step one. Make your wife understand how good she looks and how sexy she is., Women need to hear this from their man all the time. Start to make a habit of telling her how nice her ass is and give her ass a rub. Tell her how good she looks naked, how good she looks in that summer dress and soon. tell her she has nice tits and you really love the way men look at here when she is showing a little cleavage.

Tell her that she has the body that should never wear clothing its to nice to look at to hide with clothing. Tell her when she is in shorts or showing some cleavage in public that you love the way men are looking at her and drooling, tell her you love the envy that you see from the men as they are checking you out.

If you want your wife to be sexual you must make her feel sexy. And even when a woman knows she is sexy with a nice body she still loves to hear this stuff from her man.

On a different variation of this we've been to parties where this is the case, or she only plays with girls. Not an issue unless you get in a room with a couple like this and start with your own partner and the other guy suggests a switch and when you do, she says "I only play with my own partner and girls". Ya think you could have told us that before we got in a room naked together? This actually happened to us.

Once my wife heard that she looks at the guy before anything gets going and says, "Ummm ya, we're done here"...lol I think she was more upset with that than I was.

OP, in your case its always best to bring another woman back to the house and surprise her with a 3some. look around the forums, this has worked out perfectly for others.

Not cool. If you actually got someone to talk to you on here what then? A hundred excuses as to where your wife is? Ghost them? Waste of time. Don’t be that dude.

Not cool. If you actually got someone to talk to you on here what then? A hundred excuses as to where your wife is? Ghost them? Waste of time. Don’t be that dude.

Ditto

Tramp

"You'll have to decide whether your marriage or fulfilling your fantasies are more important"

yes, i agree, it doesn't sound like you can have both, and cheating on your wife to have your fantasies should not be an option either

In response to your actual question, I don't think this is a nut you can crack. You'll have to decide whether your marriage or fulfilling your fantasies are more important.

As far as your wife, therapy and finding a physical activity you like doing can help with body dissatisfaction and low self esteem. But it's still not going to lead to swinging unless under that doesn't fantasize, doesn't feel sexual, isn't interested in sex person is a wild woman waiting to be unleashed and that's pretty much something that only happens in fiction.

Doesn't sound like the lifestyle can work for you two. We got into this for fun, it's not all about sex... we are both very social and love meeting people. If your wife doesn't want to do it, you cannot force her, I would delete the profile and focus on her.

Stone,

You have ZERO chance based on what you've shared. Delete the couples profile you've built with her photo on it. It smacks of deceit, and lying is a big no no that could come back to bite you in the ass in the form of costing you your marriage.

This is not the place where you're going to enhance your marriage by having your spouse "come along for the ride." To attempt to make this happen would be incredibly selfish. Don't be that guy.

You have to be in this together for it to be functional.

Just my two cents. You're going to do what you're going to do.

Good luck,

BT

Okay so here it is. My wife has ZERO sexual fantasies. And when I say ZERO I mean ZERO. It's very frustrating on my end. Love her to death but she is so vanilla. I've brought the topic up many times (asking her if she has any fantasies and I've told her mine) only to get a "what are you nuts" reaction. She is not a very sexual women, she is also very low self stem when it comes to her body image. So she doesn't find herself sexual. I'm totally nuts about her and love her to the moon and back. Here's the but. I have fantasies I want to explore and would love for her to come along for the ride. How do I crack the nut or do I don't even try. Thanks for the advice.