Being honest regarding age and location on websites (long post)

re:MollieKen

Welcome.

Of all of the things we've done, video sexting is not one of them. We don't have a huge need (relatively speaking) for discretion, but I'd not want to see a sex video of us online. The technology to capture and save a video is readily available and sunglasses may not offer a great degree of anonymity. Not trying to scare you as much as offer considerations for future encounters.

I'm sure the Swinger 101 info you seek is buried here in various threads, but I've not seen it all in one place. Even if it was, everyone's need for discretion can be very different.

Getting to that risk/reward thing, the reward was supposed to be a hot wife. That being the case, it would be prudent to make sure one actually exists in the future before exchanging anything that can compromise your identity. If you're going to take the risk, at least make sure the reward is available.

In the end, you made a mistake. You can't change that so it doesn't do any good to beat yourself up over it. We all make them and we tend to learn a lot more from them then we do our successes. Believe me when I say I make plenty so I "should" be freaking brilliant by now...lol

MollieKen, a belated welcome to the forums.

Keeping the level of discreetness you want while being candid with others, that's always the trick, right?

My thought is that you first need to decide exactly what it is that you hope to produce from an online profile on one of these sites. Then you need to think about the risk/reward situation and decide if one is worth the other.

You can minimize some of the risks, but I'll promise you one thing. There is little hope of having a presence on these sites that is realistic enough to produce productive encounters while somehow guaranteeing your anonymity.

If cybersex is sufficient for now, then fine. There's no need to be honest about much of anything, except of course that cybersex is all that you're offering.

On the other hand, if it's real meetings with real people that you're after, you're gonna need to be reasonably accurate about how you present the two of you. That includes a handful of G-rated pics (with faces and identifying marks hidden).

If that's a risk that you can't live with, you may need to rethink your activities online...now might not be the time.

Best wishes,

Tramp

Fokker-
I’m sorry you don’t believe I’m being honest on this forum. As for my husband, he has read and reread my post and and replies. His main concern is my use of my cell phone (iPad) to FaceTime someone I don’t know.

Thanks for everyone’s suggestions and opinions.
Downloaded the Kik app.

So, as mentioned, be completely upfront with each other and discuss what type of profile both of you want. Location probably is not a deal breaker but you can pick the next town over and don't fudge by more than a year or so on age. Contrary to what you might think, conservative types do indeed swing and the ones that do will help you be discreet. Be careful with random free profile males... be sure to verify with hand written notes, video chat, etc. Definitely, go to a nearby club, meet and great, or house party together. Get to know that local swinging community and see what advice they can give you all about swinging in that culture. On a side note, don't really understand your desire to be verified due to a video chat. That's designed with face to face interaction in mind. Be patient and be sure to have fun together. You will find some great people in your local swinging community.

I have to be honest here, honesty seems to be an issue with you. I get not actually listing where you actually live. The age thing, not so much. You say your husband took a job with an uber conservative company and if they found out you were on a Swinger site it would be game over. That would mean that someone had to intentionally search for you. And say they were just trolling on the site then what were they doing on here in the first place?
Discretion is the better part of valor, but something here smells funny and doesn’t make sense. Something is being hidden here and given that the OP Is about not being honest, I don’t beli be you are being honest with us and if you truly value your relationship with your husband you better be honest with him about what actually happened.

mollieken should be your gmail address and kik name. never use real names. Get a google voice number for texting/calling. link that to your mollieken gmail account only. nothing wrong in doing this. IMO its smart to do regardless. Never send nudes that have your faces shown.....NEVER.

don’t provide your full name on the KIK app either

Thank you everyone.
I’m very sorry if I/we offended/annoyed anyone.

I still can’t imgaine putting our real location on our profile.

Lastly, my hesitation is not about being true to who we are it’s about job security and living in a area that is too small to live out loud, even on a lifestyle community website. Peace and love

In my original post I admitted I didn’t use my real age or location. I heard via a podcast that it’s a huge no-no and I’m am asking this forum what to do...when we first created our profile I used our current address and I was hit with so many neighboring zip codes-I freaked, and changed to ATL.

I have told a few couples via messaging that we don’t live in Atlanta, and two couples know everything.

I thank you for your candid replies.

As you guys begin to explore this, you are going to learn little lessons; like how to hold a big popcorn bucket at the movies. Like those buckets, the lifestyle offers almost unlimited opportunities. So you dropped two kernels on the floor. It's nothing to feel bad about. Just regroup, adjust, and keep going.

We choose to not meet people close to home for similar reasons as yours. So we drive to clubs and hotel parties out of town. You can find ones in your area in this site's hot date calendar. People at events are there for the same reason and what you see is what you get. Good luck!

Regarding the podcasts; REALLY? I want to announce the podcast right here, as I have seen the couple on a different lifestyle community.
Thank you.

Why dont you just put a target on yourself? You are trying to stir up shit with your husbands work and you wonder why people dont like you??

Eh. It's not unusual to take steps to anonymize your profile and any podcast that said it was or suggested you'd committed a swinger sin was just wrong. I'd suggest selecting the nearest big city, whether it's in your state or not, and using that as your location.

Also, no more using your phone for initial contacts. Use the kik app instead, after using your best judgment as to whether you're dealing with a real person (do they have certs? how long have they been members? are they paid members? ).

Best place I know for Swinging 101 questions is the Swingers Board. They have an entire section for just that, with a huge archive of advice

This venture into online swinging communities has been rather challenging for me (us).
As my husband travels All-The-Time I took it upon myself to create our profile. He knows about it and is excited.
To protect our privacy I added a few yrs to my age and reduce my husband’s age by a few years. I “lied” when I wrote where we live....listening to a few podcast about the lifestyle, I now know I have already committed two fundamental wrongs, not being honest about age and location...
I have two very noticeable tattoos. We moved to the South from a very liberal area. When my husband accepted his current position w/his job, one of the first things he changed was the ordinance forbidding dancing and drinking (not even kidding!) His wife (me) having tattoos was a topic of conversation.
We’re making progress with his company. The corruption conservative businesses typically are known for, my husband has zero tolerance. Hey drinks are on us! No praying before eating in restaurants! Social media, supporting the LGTBQ+ community, raising the hourly wage of employees, he is making an impact. However, if the company we are trying so hard to change and yet support, figured out I/we were a member(s) of swinger communities, game over. Fired. Shamed out of the state.
On a different online community, I FaceTimed-sexted (I was wearing sunglasses) with someone. I asked him before we started if he’d “validate” me. He didn’t validate me. Now, I’m not even sure that he has a hotwife. I told him we don’t live GA, but in the state where he lives, I even gave him the county we live in. I feel so stupid, so used and embarrassed. The random guy who didn’t validate me just texted me again today (yes I used my real phone number, so easily looked up).
My husband comes home tonight. Last week I envisioned having a hotwife date ready for my husband as a surprise. Now I have to tell him I video sexted a random guy that has my cell phone number, and no, there will not be any wife swapping.

Swinging 101, does anyone have a link to a website or any other obvious safety rules?