What happened?

"Some decent advice and introspection. Thank you, it’s helpful. But definitely picking up on what I’ve been told about some folks being condescending and snooty. For me, if I’m not prepared to offer advice or guidance to someone looking for it…I stay out of it until I am able to be helpful. I don’t need to gaslight myself to feel esteemed. " The thing is you have been given sound advice and guidance and either do not agree or like what is being said by others more experienced than you and have closed off your mind to it. My suggestion would be open your mind back up and take a less "offended" attitude. People with years (even decades) of experience are offering you suggestions as to how to make this site work better for you yet you want to take offense because they are not saying what you are doing is perfect.

BTW if you want people reaching out open things up to single males. You will get a ton of reaching out messages. Very few if any will be well written or gain your interest but hey you will get a ton of messages. The same can be said for most messages you get from couples as well but there will be some who are genuine and honestly a couple that are interested. Then we get to the truth of the matter and that is the fact single females rarely reach out because they truthfully have no need to. They represent a small group that is highly sought after in the lifestyle. They truthfully can pick and choose at will and when it comes to getting messages and responding it takes a message and a profile that is a shiny gem that sticks out in the pile of rocks. The key is putting in the time and effort while making yourself stand out and shine.

Now will someone pass the popcorn?

The majority of profiles are couples, and you blocked them. Some couples consist of people who also play solo, so you have diminished your pool VASTLY.

Also, why should any woman, single or coupled, want to be with a couple where she is expected to be attracted to and want to have sex with both of you? How realistic is that expectation?

Hire a sex worker and/or go to events.

It seems to me that perhaps your expectations were greater than what this could deliver considering your narrow field of people who can actually see your profile. I would also suggest that perhaps you are reaching out to a group (single females) that are constantly bombarded on a daily basis, and you, in there minds, just another person on that we want to get laid endless list.... I disagree with your assessment of folks being snooty or being in clicks. If you are referring to the chat rooms, you will certainly find a wide range of people, all with varying opinions. In all my experiences, people in those rooms have formed an online friendship and or groups, they always welcome anyone to chime in. The only time I have ever seen them get annoyed and or rude is when someone enters a chat room and is a complete ass. And as someone said so well.... you get out of this site what you put into this site......

Kudos WERC.. our thoughts and many here we have talked to!

Amazing isnt it... they get on and post in forums but cant take criticism or anything from others who have been swingers a long time and yes been through many things... well good luck then.. as we forum posters say....

Pass The Popcorn!

Seems strange that the poster asks a question and then complains that people are condescending by answering it. Not about who has been on here longer as being better but being a member longer certainly gives one insight into what works and what doesn't. Rereading all the responses I don't see any replies that are condescending. Everyone is free to use the site as they want to but don't complain when you don't get the results you wanted because your method runs counter to it being productive. I don't follow the thought process about opening up a profile to more people and then saying something about "clicky" people. Sounds like getting off on the wrong foot in trying this site. We have found that a friendly attitude goes a long way towards getting nice replies.

The online experience isn't conducive to casual conversation the way parties and clubs are. It just isn't. There are a lot of reasons for that, mostly along the lines of barriers to entry, barriers that vanish if you're already in the same room anyway. Trying to actually make a connection on line, whether social or sexual, increases the difficulty level. I think it's particularly hard for new people, many of whom want and need things that add complications that more experienced couples and singles do not.

That disadvantage disappears if you're at a party or a club, where if you're friendly, people will be friendly right back and they won't care if you're new or not, at least not for conversation.

I don’t know if you’re gonna consider my answer snooty or condescending, but I’ll give you an honest answer to your question. “ What happened to reaching out, meeting folks (online), connecting and having fun? ” You have 97% of the members blocked, how can expect people to reach out when you have them blocked? Take away 97% of the options and you take away 97% chance of having fun. You created your own issue with the block button.

Some decent advice and introspection. Thank you, it’s helpful. But definitely picking up on what I’ve been told about some folks being condescending and snooty. For me, if I’m not prepared to offer advice or guidance to someone looking for it…I stay out of it until I am able to be helpful. I don’t need to gaslight myself to feel esteemed.

NY sorry you asked.. and answered your own question.. by doing what you did.

You narrow your search and yes many will not respond.. what you put in you get back.. its life and yes we too have been swinging for well over 25 years.. those who dont go beyond what they seek , events, clubs, meet and greets, other great sites.. etc etc.. seem to complain about the lifestyle on SLS...

SLS is only one avenue to meet swingers and yes many fakes , flakes and photo voyeurs.. but the good ones are worth it!

We wish you luck but you are not starting out very...... shall we say "open" as one would think. Maybe rethink what you are doing and how you do it. Good Luck.

NY do a search in your area first. Say like 15 miles then you can reach out more and more as things go on. Over time our circle has moved a few times. Now we’re at a smaller circle, it makes getting together easy, but it does limit things.

You also have to keep in mind that we're still in a pandemic and many folks are laying low.

But you're truly looking for the rarest animal there is - a unicorn. You'll find that any single female here is in high demand and can pick and choose from a huge variety of options. You'll need to stand out to find what you're looking for.

You’re absolutely right. We’re very new to this and moving at our own pace. We’re not going to add 2 until we’ve first gotten comfortable with adding 1. That’s why we’ve disabled contact with couples and males for the time being. What I mean to say is after reaching out to several people, people that haven’t blocked any types, they all mentioned that they hoped to have had more contact with others and get a very “clicky” vibe from people that seem to feel because they’ve been in the lifestyle longer they’re above newer people that are asking questions but kinda being put down for it. That’s all. What’s the use of having a site with a lot of potential if the users themselves turn others off to wanting to reach out? Seems self defeating to me.

Right on MusicalPair. How can they post telling everyone to "loosen up" then block three quarters of the members!!
We post a lot of pictures and still get request to open more galleries from profiles with one or no pictures. Same type of thing.
We also dont understand blocking couples. We are full swap and in particular she is a unicorn playing solo. So blocking us as a couple also blocks her as "single female".
Its just another example of people not really understanding the full potential of the site.

Having your profile hidden to couples might also have something to do with it.

Hello all. New couple here. What happened to reaching out, meeting folks (online), connecting and having fun? At the end of day that’s why we’re here. So why aren’t we all taking more? Spoken to a few people on this site and keep hearing the same thing. “Not a lot of people talking and reaching out” is something I’ve heard a few times. This could be a whole lot more exciting and fruitful for everyone if we didn’t take ourselves so seriously that the entire purpose of us being here gets overshadowed. Loosen up, remember why you’re here and enjoy yourself.